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We have a bunch of white people in human resources that are trying to hire "diverse" people because the company sets HR diversity targets. Which is an inherently racist way of hiring someone.
I am told to interview this guy who claims to have Angular experience. Before the interview I ask to see a form that he has built in Angular. He sends me a repo which is ripped off of an open source project and has the readme and git commits removed. A quick web search shows that it isn't his work. He shows up to the interview and I find out he is from a Southern African country. I deliberately ask some questions about code that I can see he didn't write that I prepared ahead of time. He lies to me and tells me all about how he wrote it which showed me that he has no idea what the code does. I tell HR they better not hire him because he was very comfortable lying to me, and I'm confident that he doesn't understand any of the code that he showed me. I do not trust this guy and would never choose to work with him. HR lady says "Ah okay."
Today he walks in with a big grin on his face. HR lady fucking hired this guy. I can see his monitors from my desk and he spent his whole first day looking at a soccer website on his second monitor. I call up HR, "Why would you even ask me to interview him if you refuse to listen to my feedback?". Lady tells me "You need to be open minded about diversity. Probably most of the things you observed were either cultural differences or language barrier." I tell her definitely not. He lied to me multiple times, and he took credit for other people's work." She tells me that they will keep an eye on me because I'm not being open to diversity.
Are you kidding me? This white lady is literally stereotyping me as a racist because I'm white.
So this fucking HR lady called me a racist because she decided to hire someone that we shouldn't trust. Then she put this asshat on my project. Now I have to be cautious about my position because HR is "watching" my racist ass. Even though I am literally the only one on the development team that is white and speaks English as my first-language. I called a team meeting before the on-boarding is over so I can tell the other developers what is happening. We restructured our code review process so that I will never give him feedback. Then when the time comes that he slips up the "diverse" developers will kick him out so I won't be reprimanded as a "racist".
This company that I work for is a special kind of stupid.32
I'm In Canada. A woke HR lady hires an African guy despite him plagiarizing code and lying through an interview. First day he surfs soccer websites so I confront it and HR lady basically calls me a racist and to watch my back.
A second African new-hire comes into the office today and he seems quite capable in an area of specialization for our team. So I ask if we can have him on our team because he has skills. The exec decides to look at the costing for him and goes, "HOLY SHIT WHY ARE WE PAYING ANYONE THAT MUCH?" She looks at the résumé of the new guy and finds out that he is only at intermediate level in his specialization. So I say, "It could be worse. The other guy flat out lied through his interview and he got hired anyway." I forward the emails where I recommended against hiring the other guy and why.
My exec, who is a company stakeholder, opens the pricing list for recent hires. It is obvious that if you are not not white you get paid way above market value for your skill level. Exec is pissed off on a level I never knew was possible.
We make a call from the board room only to find out that the head of HR (also an executive) is driving this. My exec tells me to give her the room. The yelling was so loud everyone could hear what was said from outside the boardroom. At one point the HR lady says, "Just because we could get them cheaper doesn't mean that we should… We pay that much because it is 'the right thing to do'." My executive goes completely silent for a few seconds then in a super aggressive way says.
"…I am going to have your FUCKING head for this. Then I will make sure that you NEVER get a job in HR again for the rest of my natural life. ONLY ONE of us will survive this. YOU are the one pissing away profit. So get ready because I'm going to drown you and your team like a bag full of unwanted puppies." Then she hung up the Polycom. She came out about a minute later and kicked the office manager out of his office and sat there all day making calls and sending emails.
Facebook publicly announced that it won't build a backdoor into its services for the intelligence agencies as for the latest requests to weaken/remove the encryption.
I can only imagine the intelligence agencies going like this now:
NSA director: Alright, as expected they said no so they won't have more damage to their public image, lets go for plan A 2.0!
NSA employee: Aaaand that is?
NSA director: Serve them a FISA court order requiring them to do this shit anyways but also serve a gag order so they can't tell legally.
NSA employee: Ahh, fair enough, I'll get that rolling. By the way, how did we do this with WhatsApp's encryption again?
NSA director: Oh that one was simple. There's a backup function which nearly everyone uses on either Android/iOS which does plaintext backups to Google Drive/iCloud.
NSA employee: Oh, okay. How do we access that data again?
NSA director: PRISM/XKeyScore!
NSA employee: Right, but then still the issue of how we even collect the encrypted messages from Facebo...
NSA director: PRISM/XKeyScore as well, don't worry about that.
NSA employee: But, how'd we justify this....?
NSA director: We probably never have to as these programs operate outside of the public view but otherwise just call terrorism/pedophelia... BAM, done.
NSA employee: Gotya, let's put this into motion!20
Interviewer: Do you know about SQL injection?
Interviewer: Okay, how we can prevent it?
Student: Yes, we should prevent it as prevention is always better than cure. It can lead to data loss and other problems so it can be difficult to fix it if it happens. The best case is that nothing like that takes place. [...]
Interviewer: I get it but how?
Student: By not building any web applications.
Interviewer: Nice, you may go. Do not call us. We will call you.20
Root rents an office.
Good thing I don't work for a company that handles sensitive data! /s But at least I don't have access to it, or any creds that matter.
So, I've been running my phone's connection through a tor vpn and sharing that with my lappy. It works, provides a little bit of security, but it's slow as crap. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, REGUS.
AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, CLEAN THE SHIT OUT OF THE FUCKING BATHROOM FFS.
Ugh. $12/day to work in a freaking wind tunnel (thanks, a/c; you're loud as fuck and barely work), hear other people's phone conversations through two freaking walls, pee in a bathroom that perpetually smells like diarrhea, and allow anyone and everyone within a 50+ meter radius to listen to everything my computer says.
Oh, they also 'forgot' to furnish my office, like they promised. Three freaking times. At least I have a table and chair. 🙄
Desk? What desk?
A lot of times during holiday parties, I meet new people.
Afterwards, often a quick group chat is created to share pictures with all the people there.
Every goddamn time we come at this point again where this is done and since WhatsApp is nearly considered a requirement to function in society (Netherlands) and I refuse to use it and other mainstream media...
The moment that I have to explain why I don't use WhatsApp arrives, yet again. I don't find it awkward anymore but it doesn't improve the atmosphere and getting called paranoid for the rest of the party also isn't the most fun thing ever!
In the end I usually get the pictures emailed.15
Keep this between us, but I got sexually assaulted in a work party by a very old guy who worked at the venue.
I didn't bring it up because a) I had already resigned from that company and was on my notice period, and b) I was going to leave the country in a few weeks and couldn't be arsed having to think about it on my vacation or even after.
Still pretty awkward with myself because after that, the very drunk me got emotionally unhinged, went outside and cried my eyes out for no reason. 😐
Like, it wasn't even the worst assault that has ever happened to me so what was the hysterical crying and panic about ffs?19
*a while ago
Me: deactivates a really old facebook account
Me: why is my old account is still active? maybe I did something wrong
Fb: we detected an irregular activity with this account, to confirm your identity, please contact 3 out of these 5 people and ask them to confirm your identity by going to this url below ....
Me: ...of all people, they picked 5 random ppl whom I barely had any contact with since 9 years ago,
I should have deleted it a long time ago3
At a festival where I was with my GF from back then, I asked her whether it was OK if I drank some more, which she was fine with, but she didn't get the implication.
Later in the tent, when I was totally drunken, she turned me around and wanted some action. The sudden movement didn't go well, I was just able to open the tent, vomited out of the tent, and turned around to continue sleeping.6
Disclaimer: I do not hate indian developers. There are always really good developers from india, its just my luck for not being to work with any of them.
There's this company that my current employer hired them to develop this web application together.
I managed to develop a module for the application, and I wrote some test cases for the module I was working on.
Each time I commit my work to our staging branch, I'll always run the test cases to make sure I didn't break any existing functionalities.
As they do not have permissions to commit directly to the staging branch, they a required to submit a PR for me to review, before merge them.
I've reminded them to run my test cases to make sure whatever their team has developed, doesn't break my modules. But i'm pretty sure, they never did.
Monkeys: hey, we have submitted multiple PRs for to fix some issues, can you merge them?
Me: did you run my test cases to make sure your changes didn't break anything? (You just have to run `phpunit` on the root project directory)
Me: can you guys run them? Make sure they all passing.
Monkeys: *ran command*
Monkeys: we ran the test cases, and there are some errors.
Me: then fix them.
Monkeys: but they are your work, and we do not wish to make any changes to your work.
Fuck this shit. So they broke stuff that I coded, but I have to fix the stuff?22
"hey can someone help me assign 10 to a variable in rust"
"Well first of all little shithead that is not rust-like we dont do that in rust here is how godfather mozilla intended it first you create a register in your ram then you download these 9 packages that are not in std for some reason then you box your integer 78 times then you sacrifice a goat that the rust compiler doesnt give you random advice that doesnt work then you pee on your motherboard and commit 53 times to open source repos on github bitbucket and svn then you will maybe probably have 7 assigned to your variable"
"Oh wow rust sure is overly complicated"
So we've been on our Christmas holidays/vacation and decided to spend New year's eve at my place barbecuing.
Yes needless to say that we got somewhat intoxicated, had steak etc and then fucking fell asleep on the floor outside.
In -3 C°.
Woke up like 20 minutes later according to my friends.
Decided to continue barbecuing but since the fire turned into half dead embers I decided to fucking chop up some wooden planks laying around.
New year's Eve.
Chopped up planks in the dead of night.
Continued barbecuing afterwards.
Fire ablaze again, roasted the remainder of the meat and since it was too boring for me I decided to pour fucking Korn, (German alcohol) over the flames.
Needless to say my arm hairs burnt off.
Friend comes out, sees me, fucking dies of laughter.
All promised to stfu about it.
Anyway the flamed steak and stuff were still delicious.8
Went over to a café this morning to see my guru before I head off to work:
SD: "Hey look Jenny I can make Android apps now!"
Me: *genuinely impressed* "That's wonderful, Father, let's see it!"
SD: *shows me his phone with an Android app installed. Clicks on it then it says "Hello World." Like you know, the default code.*
Me: *watches the priest pound the table in hysterical laughter*
Every email you send me slows me down.
So that piece of work you keep bugging me about that you want done sooner and then adding other problems on top and then asking about it everyday even though we have already discussed this, it's going to be delayed,... due to your incessant emailing!
And just because you have been busy all year and finally slowing down doesn't mean I'm slowing down!
Come on holidays to no reception or internet service!4
Sometimes, being the only fullstack dev with access to a lot of systems gives you the ability to introduce functionality that:
A) prevents future errors
B) introduces new validations to users to make sure A) is prevented.
C) apply these changes to different projects
But most importantly...
D) without a single person in management getting involved or having to sign it off.
It's like running a company you own, but without owning it.
Granted with such power, comes the trust and responsibility of deploying changes with the adequate testing being done prior and handling change management, but fuck, sometimes I wonder if "god mode" for lack of a better term, is too much, or just enough to get the job done without the politics.7
In my day off I was eager to try overclocking in my pc and this is how it went:
- Fucked up overclocking parameters for cpu and ram speed.
- BIOS is broken, had to take out gpu to do a reset taking out the bios battery.
- BIOS is up again, default values loaded, bla bla
- Did not try to fuck off anymoar with overclocking, just kept playing star wars and went to sleep safe and sound like a baby.
- Gotta work now. docker does not start, closes itself after tried to start, docker panic, I panic, tried to uninstall, tried to update. nothing works
- Then I remember bios default values leaves virtualization off. enables it again, docker still not working. I panic again, restarted pc like 10 times between disabling/enabling hyper-v in windows.
- Docker dies. not gonna change my overclock options again. silly me 🤦♂️6
None of my awkward party stories are thoroughly dev-related, but here goes
So my high school friends and I gather for an annual Christmas Party (technically it's Advent Party if my trad brain is to go by) and we invite special guests from the rest of the class.
Two, maybe five years ago, it was this classmate of ours who went home to Manila from New Zealand for the holidays. She came over.
We have this custom called the exchange gift where we would buy each other gifts. I picked her. Her wishlist indicated that she would love to read some fiction. She didn't indicate any specific titles.
I am also such a fan of Tom Clancy's books that I have nearly all of his books, games, and movies. I was certain that she has not read a single Tom Clancy book since her titles usually are Twilight, Fifty Shades of Gray, and Stephen King type of books.
So I went to the nearest secondhand book store to buy her several Tom Clancy books. I also picked a brand new random romance title just to sweeten the gift. I wanted her to read as many books as possible.
Then the time came to give each other gifts.
She opened my gift for her and she pasted the fakest glee ever. I didn't mind.
But when it was time for her to go, she went for the door only to be stopped by a friend of ours saying that she forgot my gift of her.
She gave it a leering look before seemingly grudgingly taking it to her arms and leaving. Whether she didn't like my gift because most of them were secondhands is anyone's guess. It was awkward as hecc.
You should have specified titles you know. Also bitch I love Tom Clancy.
2) family reunions. The usual member of the extended family, usually a boomer aunt, asking you the following tactless questions and making the following assessments:
>"Tumaba ka na ah!" (Wow [Jenny] you've grown fat!)
>"Kumusta na yung chekwa mong jowa?" (How's your ching chong boyfriend? Chekwa is a much more offensive slur than ching chong if you account Tagalog culture)
>"So when are you getting married? You know if you've been dating for more than a year you should either marry your boyfriend or dump him."
>"Why did you choose an agnostic as your new boyfriend? What happened to the trad one? He's so ugly!"
>"So have you worked in HP yet? Why don't you apply as a dev in Microsoft/Facebook/Google? Your cousin Jordan earns 80K (in philippine pesos) a month in Accenture you know."
>"Remember to help your siblings [financially] every step of the way."
Tita I am not in the mood.3
The overreach by a single company near or close to near monopoly on the internet is beyond bone chilling.
To be precise, I am talking about Google extending its reach by forcing people to use AMP in the webpages.
I get insta furious when i see my favorite webpages using them and effectively my entire browsing activity on that page is happily recorded for clicks and ads.
To just bypass that i have to unnecessarily add more and more addons to lock them out of my browsing which in turn WEAKENS my entire browser.
And sincerely saying, this sort of outreach is becoming really annoying. Because plain JS and Cookie Blocking will not work. and slowly people are running out of options.
If posts about AMP are being made earlier, I apologize.10
Awkward holiday party story?
Not sure how awkward this is, but our company gives away some fairly nice 'prizes' at the party. Several big screen TVs, KC Royals/St. Louis Cardinals game tickets, etc, etc.
A few years ago, tax laws forces us to charge the employee tax on the items given away at the party (taxed as part of their salary). Awkward part was HR didn't tell anyone until nearly all the prizes were given out.
HRMgr: "Oh, by the way, this year we are forced to include the price of the item as part of your salary so the appropriate taxes are taken out. If you have any questions, come see me on Monday."
I swear I could hear several "WTF"'s from various tables and (to me) awkward silence.
The HR manager sent an apology email to the company saying he should have let everyone know before the party so individuals could make an informed decision about whether or not they wanted to accept the prize.4
A year ago a big company asks us to create 'A fully dynamic web-page' for their products because they 'want to have the ability to change all the content' by themselves. They also wanted the design to be mobile first without giving too much effort for the desktop/laptop layouts, because ~85% of their traffic comes from mobile devices.
It has been a year now that this website is up and running.
It has been a year they are complaining that the website does not 'properly show' in Internet Explorer.
It has been a long dreadful fucking year that their useless mucus-brained brand manager is sending me a pile of scrambled folders, filled with numerous over-sized images, and content written in a dozen of difference Slavic languages which i don't understand; asking me to change/update the content for them on their 'FULLY DYNAMICAL RASPONCHIVE MODILE FIRST INTRRENOT WEBPAPER'
Pubes, spit and boogers and your daily food bitch!10