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Manager: I read an article today
Dev: oh here we go….
Manager: We must pivot to only functional programming, which means only using functions instead of classes
Dev: Actually functional programming is a bit more nuanced tha—
Manager: Any use of classes going forward is not allowed. Everything must use functions! Classes are an outdated way of programming, using classes is why we continue to miss our deadlines. Functional programming is lean, classes are waterfall.
Dev: What about the libraries we use? Many of those use classes
Manager: Wrap them in a function then, that way they are pure which is one of the requirements of functional programming. You would know that if you spent as much personal time as I do keeping up with the times.14
Freelancer: *applies to my marketing job*
Me: let's hop on a call.
Freelancer: sure, in two hours.
-Two hours later-
Me: hey are you ready?
Freelancer: hey I have kids, it's late, I cant, but talk to my assistant.
Me: ok. *talks with assistant, hires them on upwork*
Assistant talking on Freelancer's account: hey can you send the contract to my agency's hiring manager instead. * freelancer denies offer*
Me: *sends me the SAME account to hire.*
Freelancer: just send it here and click HIRE and OK. Do it quickly.
Me: uhh this isn't the rate we agreed on.
Freelancer: sure no problem, you can change it.
Me: *sends the new offer to the same damn account. At this point I knew the scheme*
Freelancer: hey I don't see it on my agency's profile. *applies to the job with a different account* can you hire this account.
Me: ok. *withdraws contract and sends it to their other account*
Freelancer: *notices I withdrew the contract* hey i don't see it on the freelancers account now. Can you send it there quickly. So we can get started.
Me: IM NOT SENDING YOU TWO FUCKING CONTRACTS.
Freelancer: no worries, it's a misunderstanding, can we hop on a call so I can show you.
Freelancer: *tries the same maneuver two more times*
Me: ok fuck you I don't have time for this.
Freelancer: hey my assistant doesn't know what he's doing, it's so simple, please send the contract to our agency so the hours are billed there. Does that make sense now? Send me the contract and I will approve it and we can start.
Me: *ignores messages*
*Freelancer messages me every 4 hours for two days.*
They probably thought I'd still hire them if the scam didn't work. Fuking scam fuks.5
You know what I hate? Websites that run so much scripted internet-connected shit in the background that you'll either get a fat error message or even a "failed to load site" screen from the browser if you lose the connection for a few seconds.
What's the motherfucking point of a website when its requirements make it effectively a livestreaming service, despite the content being less dynamic than Zuckerberg's face in US congress?
I don't give a shit whether I have internet when I'm fucking reading, you asshats. And you don't need to remind me when my internet connection is disrupted, I think I'll notice that by myself the next time I click on something and your garbage site will take more than the usual 5 seconds to fucking load the background color.8
One of my previous managers would constantly make promises our team couldn't keep. "You want it in a week? Sure, we can finish it in a week! You want it tomorrow? Sure, we can do that!"
It got so bad that our team basically had to stage an intervention. At one of our standups, we flat-out told him that even if the entire team dropped all of our other tasks to focus on the one big project, we still would not be able to meet the deadline he'd promised the client.
And that fucker actually said, "Well, if you want to come in on the weekend to work some overtime, I don't mind." as if he was offering to do us a favor by "allowing" us to work more.
No overtime pay because we had salaries.
So glad I don't work for him any more. Of course, my next manager wasn't great either, it just took longer for us to figure it out because she wasn't nearly as blatant about it.2
our HR made a survey about home office and how people think about coming back to office in the future. Shortly afterwards, our new CEO sent us an e-mail saying that he would like to see more employees in the office again soon. After all, it is paid for and must therefore be used. Of course, it's better for everyone to commute 2 hours to work every day, and last year home office worked well for everyone.
Personally, I can do without constantly sitting with my colleagues in a noisy office where 10 people are on the phone at the same time.
Bonus: In his opinion, software is better when it has more LOC.
Bonus2: Last working day for me is end of September. After that I start my new job with 43 days vacation per year :D10
Minimum wage employers and restaurants asking "and why should we hire you?".
You have 40 vacancies in your area for just your company alone.
You're paying $13.25 an hour when only a year ago you were paying $9.75.
Why should we hire you?
F*ck you, pay me, that's why.
You're not f*cking NASA
You're a God damn chain restaurant with a 40% turnover rate, who's employees probably shoot up in the bathroom on the rare occasion they even get a break.
I looked at the guy with all the annoyance I could muster, stared him down for a good five seconds and said. "You pay a few dollars over minimum. You're job is not important enough to even ask that question. Have a nice day." And got up and left.
Dude followed me and stuttered " hold up. I was just..."
But I was already out the door.
You were just what mark? Asking a dumbfuck question as if you had any leverage at all?
Your competitor *across the street* is offering 50 cents *more* per hour, and has guaranteed breaks.
What, did you forget 2008 and how you treated millions of people as disposable? The little part where you and most american industries demanded passion, without pay raises? Promotions without benefits? The jobs that if you worked hard, rather than a promotion or a pay raise, your reward was more work and less hours to finish?
You assholes thought we forgot about that? How you shipped millions of jobs overseas, blamed it on "automation" (chinese and indian slave labor), and then pointed the finger at millions of impoverished people as "lazy" in places like Detroit and Pittsburgh and told them "you just got to work harder and smarter!" Or "just get a small loan and create the next google!" from the comfort of your yachts? I'm looking at you bane corp.
No, now the shoes on the other foot motherf*ckers. Hows it feel needing all *us* commoners? "Why should we hire you?"
No, why should *I* WORK FOR YOU?
Cuz I saw THREE dirty tables coming in. A line of people that could be being served. A line that could have been optimized with the proper table count and some simple changes. A menu that doesnt even incentivize your biggest sellers and a dozen other things your store is doing wrong.
Think mark, think!
This is one of those braindead questions employers paying sub $18 an hour ask, because they suffered so much brain drain from years of payola profits from too-big-to-fail wallstreet bailouts, that they forgot they are not king midas, unless they are the king midas of shit, because increasingly everything corporate America touches turns into shit.
And while were on the subject, stopping bringing in outside management to stores. It destroys team cohesion, staff morale, pisses off people *on site* who *actually know* the team, the stores daily activities and processes, and who are better fit for that role. You bring in disinterested outside management, and it's one of the biggest red flags I've ever seen: these smarmy selfcongratulating f*cks who know nothing about the particular store, have no connection to the staff, go on firing sprees or alienation-sprees to hire in friends, fuck up the schedules because again they know nothing about the employees, and then move on after a few years to greener pastures, leaving a barren radioactive wasteland of chain smokers and burnt out staff in their wake.
Dear corporate America, your free ride on the public's good will is over. It's over.
Now you're in the bitch seat. Come sit at my desk and explain to me, EXPLAIN TO ME, why I should sweat and labor to save your shitty company hemorrhaging money like a bleeding crack-addicted hobo dying with a sucking chest wound from a chicago skidrow friday-night drive-by?
You dont deserve it. Your management and company culture is worse than incompetent. It's full of smiley guys expounding about their passion for customer service while giving each other sloppy BJs in broom closets, a veritable cornucopia of cult-like corporate dick suckers *and* dickheads, proclaiming, no...PROFESSING (hence "professional") their undying allegiance and dedication to their corporate family with the intensity of cujo, foaming at the mouth, or Mitt Romney preparing for a photoshoot, plastic smiles and feigned laughs.
Dont forget to wipe your chin, asshole. It's not Ronald McDonald your blowing, but it's definitely not Gordon f*cking Ramsey either.
Would you like fries with that?17
Glass door: now almost completely fucking useless.
Glassdoor now requires you to login to even read the site. You log in and then AFTEr logging it, it informs you that you have to contribute an "anonymous review" to read the others.
Completely fucking useless and defeat the one reason it originally existed for: to help people review a company *before* applying.
Good job you morons at glassdoor, you had one job.
Of the following names, at least one of them is likely certifiably retarded (or has options against the company stock):
Christian Sutherland Wong (ceo)
Anthony Moisant (cio, senior vp)
Kate Ahlering (chief sales)
Owen Humphries (senior vp)
Annie Pearl (chief product officer)6
My mental health has been down the drain b'cuz of circumstances. And unfunnily, it did end up taking the better of me. yet folks around me still do not believe it's a thing that people don't want to live anymore; rather it's a "childish" thing and "are you so weak" thing.
And I'm just gonna tell you, if you ever said that to someone who feels like the world is coming to an end for them, you're an unbearable ass, and you're probably one reason that person wants to off themself.
Living around some people is just torture on its own.4
Why in the name of Donald Knuth did you think it was a good idea to have a 1500 line Java Method? What THE HELL WERE YOU SMOKING THE ENTIRE FILE IS OVER 3000 LINES AND HALF OF THEM ARE COMMENTED OUT!
Don't even get me started on your "unit tests" which is a massive 5000 line behemoth that randomly has massive swaths of code commented out.
And of course no solution like this would be complete with you HARD CODING EVERY F****INIG STRING IN EVERY TIME!
And it's not like you don't know how to use classes as you have several of them, every single one of which is over 500+ lines and consists of only getters and setters. LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO A MAP! REALLY WHY WOULD YOU USE 500 LINES FOR A CLASS THAT IS JUST GETTERS AND SETTERS?!
The part that really burns me about all of this though, isn't the fact that you sent it to me when I was running into a similar issue, and said "check this out it should help", what bothers me most isn't the indescribable rage I felt looking at your code, the part that really really really bothers me is that you are a veteran with over 15 years in Java development, and according to the org chart are a lead senior engineer getting paid substantially more than me, whereas I am considered a lowly mid-level developer, who isn't worth promoting to your level.
On the plus side you are now going to be featured on theDailyWTF so congrats on the notoriety.4
Ok, im officially at the point where I can say this and I don’t say it lightly.. I’m really unhappy..
It’s hard for me to be happy anyway but being unhappy is not the same as not being happy IMO..
I’m so angry, especially at the western governments but also at the western society for making everything down that we’ve built over hundreds of years..
I’m socially pretty conservative I’d say. I have my values and manners which are very important to me. I try to be kind, diplomatically correct, hard working and honest but people sh!t all over that. Almost on a daily basis people tell me to “just lie”, it’ll solve the problem or to blame someone else.
What happened to work for what you want? And to “Be honest and loyal and it will pay off”? It’s more like the opposite nowadays..
Lie to everyone you can, cheat your way through every conflict and try as hard as you can to be a victim and all will work out…?
My boss had an interview ihr a grad student and she caught him googling stuff, trying to hide it. I told her to not even consider him but she thought he “deserves” another chance..
someone who applies and lies “deserves”??? You don’t DESERVE anything, you EARN it.. if you can’t earn it then sorry but this job is probably not for you.. not to mention that this guys CV was full of crap..
I just wanna find a woman, buy a farm an go off grid for a couple of years 😅 oh wait.. that’s legally not possible in pretty much any European country.10
Trying to unpack some tightly compressed images, I notice the buffer grows to ridiculous sizes as it tries to keep up with how much shit I'm having it read.
But this is a small file, bunch of 64x64 textures with some heavy quantization -- I turned every goddamn float into a six-bit mini. So I do the math in my head half-assedly and know that even fully decoded it can't possibly be above a quarter of MB.
And since the buffer is now nearing his first gig, I know something is up. I remember I'm fetching a 'size of next read' uint from the file as I process it, so I figure: either the value written to disk is wrong, or I am reading at the wrong position. My answer?
Open the file.
-But sir, it's an endless hexdump!
I said OPEN. the. FILE.
Didn't just write some debugging utils for shits, so now I put them to use. I can tell on which lines the buffer size explodes because I like to log every increase and decrease in memory. So; narrow down which bin is fucking with me, take a look at the variables... what do I find?
Size of next read should be about two thousand bytes, not a fucking billion and a half. So I know where the right value is, I look around it for the wrong one; and as it turns out, the read is happening a whole longlong to the right.
Easily fixed. Stuff packs and unpacks correctly now, average ratio at around 85-90% size reduction from original, like goddamn I turned the entropy for these files into LIQUID SHIT.
I am leveling up now, so audio: prepare your anus.2
Hot take: Windows 11 is just to enable them to bake Teams into the OS like they did with IE.
They gotta get sued and split up this time! Their "Facetime" is skype and they had it preinstalled. Don't compare a business messenger to a private video chat platform!
I don't use slack, but they obviously wan't to win agains them by just making it part of the OS. This can't be legal!14
So a friend called me over to his newly opened company. He just started, along with two other partners, so 3 of them on the management structure. It started as a service-oriented company, not single-product based company. Strategically, over the course of 4 years, these two other bosses kicked my friend out. I followed. All the people in the company eventually followed. Now we are about to start selling our services to them for around double the fee. #justice
This is probably not a popular comment, but here are the reasons I sometimes do not like working from home.
- if I don't get food, the kid starve
- if there's a meeting, the kid decides to play piano
- I have to watch delivered food that needs refrigerated to rot, while I really want to focus on that mudafukin bug
- if misus is not sleeping during the day, there is a 50% chance I smell something burnt in the house
Feel free to add to this list8
Quitting job because of Java and legacy corporate OSGI codebase. Being junior developer I'm just done with no documentation, terrible team support and non existent code review. After 18 months I can't justify staying any longer. Never had luck with Java and I guess some things just stay the same.
Let's start by saying: God do I love programming and hate work!
My dream job would be a place where I get to write quality code for something that's actually useful and makes sense to people (or a group of people) without all the usual job bullshit; all the politics, fucking useless hours of meetings, the pretentious ass holes, and the useless mindless product owners with good pay to live comfortably and some organization (not being a complete disaster). It's only a dream though...5
Me, in a meeting with CTO trying to sort out some config stuff, manager messages me and tells me about a non critical issue (read: not production).
Me: I'm in a meeting
Manager: Yes but look at this when you have time
Me: Yes sure
Manager calls me after 15 minutes
Me: I was in a meeting?
Manager: Are you still in a meeting or were you in a meeting?
Me: I'll go back to the meeting when you're done
Manager tells me about the issue again. After I go back to the meeting manager sends me a meeting link about the issue literally 15 minutes from that time. Manager is 10 minutes late to the meeting he just arranged.
After the meeting manager pesters me and asks if I could figure out the issue every 15 minutes.
I fucking hate this job.3
day 1: alright this project is exciting, i'll build a special ambient playlist for it to get me in the right mindset and get my mood board ready
day 2: sweet! lots of shit done already, i can't believe how good this feels. at last something i'm happy to work on!
day 3: fuck the everloving shit out of your decaying asshole i can't believe you dickheads have been working on this engine for twenty cocksucking years and still your calculation of tangents is so goddamn fucked i can't get face normals to display properly without neutering the red channel.
day 4: fuck you, i'll default back to doing four hours tops and then getting drunk5
In Malaysia for some reason Chinese and Indians are considered as outsider. Some Malays are considering themselves are native (actually the Orang Asli are the native). Many politicians attempt to even startled a racial fight against the non- Malays. My country is operated by a closed system. Most Dutch , US companies are leaving Malaysia due to the unfairness.
Before this I worked in a Dutch company in Malaysia , where lately the company declare bankruptcy as my respectable boss told me what happened. Later I learnt, in order for a foreigner to start a company in Malaysia , a transaction of transfering have of the company assets and name under an assigned Malay man by the government.
The racism here is real and crazy. It is no surprise most Malaysian migrating to Taiwan, China Singapore , Thailand and some western countries.
I hate racism. Recently I heard news about western countries still have the hatred against Asians which I abort the idea of migrating there. But in my country Asians are hating other kind of Asians before for being different Asian.
May be I should just get my arse back to Mongolia (where my ancestors will be )7
In the Netherlands they have a sort of "don't ask, don't tell" culture around wages, how is this in other countries?
You ask for what you think you're worth (and are happy to work for) and if the company agrees they pay you.
There's no guarantee you'll be paid the same as your colleagues working the same job because they might just have the confidence to ask for more money.
I have no idea how my wages compare with my colleagues but as I am happy with what I earn it doesn't matter. Seems to solve a lot of the dick waving issues that stem from everyone comparing salaries.29