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I just had a nightmare.
I never became a developer. Instead I had a normal 9-5, didn't do work at home, slept well and spent my free time on social activities.
It was horrible.3 -
Meanwhile at NSA:
Alice: Uhm... Bob? I lost my SSH key...
Bob: *facepalms*
Alice: ... but i still have the public key! Could you please recalculate the private one for me?
Bob: Sure, give me a second. I'll fax it to you when it's ready.
Me: *wakes up from nightmare*13 -
I had a nightmare that I was running "sudo rm -rf /" on my computers for no reason.
True story.
I woke up yelling.4 -
!rant
This was over a year ago now, but my first PR at my current job was +6,249/-1,545,334 loc. Here is how that happened... When I joined the company and saw the code I was supposed to work on I kind of freaked out. The project was set up in the most ass-backward way with some sort of bootstrap boilerplate sample app thing with its own build process inside a subfolder of the main angular project. The angular app used all the CSS, fonts, icons, etc. from the boilerplate app and referenced the assets directly. If you needed to make changes to the CSS, fonts, icons, etc you would need to cd into the boilerplate app directory, make the changes, run a Gulp build that compiled things there, then cd back to the main directory and run Grunt build (thats right, both grunt and gulp) that then built the angular app and referenced the compiled assets inside the boilerplate directory. One simple CSS change would take 2 minutes to test at minimum.
I told them I needed at least a week to overhaul the app before I felt like I could do any real work. Here were the horrors I found along the way.
- All compiled (unminified) assets (both CSS and JS) were committed to git, including vendor code such as jQuery and Bootstrap.
- All bower components were committed to git (ALL their source code, documentation, etc, not just the one dist/minified JS file we referenced).
- The Grunt build was set up by someone who had no idea what they were doing. Every SINGLE file or dependency that needed to be copied to the build folder was listed one by one in a HUGE config.json file instead of using pattern matching like `assets/images/*`.
- All the example code from the boilerplate and multiple jQuery spaghetti sample apps from the boilerplate were committed to git, as well as ALL the documentation too. There was literally a `git clone` of the boilerplate repo inside a folder in the app.
- There were two separate copies of Bootstrap 3 being compiled from source. One inside the boilerplate folder and one at the angular app level. They were both included on the page, so literally every single CSS rule was overridden by the second copy of bootstrap. Oh, and because bootstrap source was included and commited and built from source, the actual bootstrap source files had been edited by developers to change styles (instead of overriding them) so there was no replacing it with an OOTB minified version.
- It is an angular app but there were multiple jQuery libraries included and relied upon and used for actual in-app functionality behavior. And, beyond that, even though angular includes many native ways to do XHR requests (using $resource or $http), there were numerous places in the app where there were `XMLHttpRequest`s intermixed with angular code.
- There was no live reloading for local development, meaning if I wanted to make one CSS change I had to stop my server, run a build, start again (about 2 minutes total). They seemed to think this was fine.
- All this monstrosity was handled by a single massive Gruntfile that was over 2000loc. When all my hacking and slashing was done, I reduced this to ~140loc.
- There were developer's (I use that term loosely) *PERSONAL AWS ACCESS KEYS* hardcoded into the source code (remember, this is a web end app, so this was in every user's browser) in order to do file uploads. Of course when I checked in AWS, those keys had full admin access to absolutely everything in AWS.
- The entire unminified AWS Javascript SDK was included on the page and not used or referenced (~1.5mb)
- There was no error handling or reporting. An API error would just result in nothing happening on the front end, so the user would usually just click and click again, re-triggering the same error. There was also no error reporting software installed (NewRelic, Rollbar, etc) so we had no idea when our users encountered errors on the front end. The previous developers would literally guide users who were experiencing issues through opening their console in dev tools and have them screenshot the error and send it to them.
- I could go on and on...
This is why you hire a real front-end engineer to build your web app instead of the cheapest contractors you can find from Ukraine.
20 -
*has a 94% in information security class*
*teacher gives us study guide for final exam*
*heavily take notes in the margins and study the packet obsessively for four days*
*come in to take the final*
*exam doesn't mention a single thing on the study guide*
*makes a 78 on it*
*final class grade drops down to an 87% (a letter grade lower than before)*
"Congratulations, Miss Meowijuanas! You had the highest score on the final!"
*hands me a candy bar like I'm a child*
"Maybe it's because you gave the class an extremely poor study guide which emphasized on material that wasn't covered on our actual exam? You shouldn't be congratulating me on a 78."
*teacher says he used the study guide from another teacher and must not have looked at it thoroughly enough*
*shakes hand and thanks him for having me as a student this semester*
*kicks a trash bin outside of the university 6 or 7 times*
I'm not even mad about my grade. An 87% is nice, although I know I would've done better otherwise. It's his pure, unmasked and unashamed laziness that makes me feel so violent. It's showing students like me that an educated individual like yourself couldn't be bothered to take five minutes or so to read over a fucking document for his students to make sure they're properly prepared for a major exam.
How the fuck can you be hired as a university professor and be this obvious about not putting effort into your work.
Fuck you, sir.
And fuck you again for all of my other classmates who did poorly because they followed your inaccurate study guide.13 -
I had a nightmare I was at work, the building was on fire, but I couldn't get out.
I'm more terrified that in this nightmare, my boss told me he uses devrant.17 -
I had a coworker used to write PHP pages in this way:
<?php
echo "<html>";
echo "<head>";
// 2000+ lines of un-indented nightmares
I tried suggesting him to keep the HTML outside php tags as much as possible and I stressed out that adding some indentation to the code would have improved readability. I also sent him an example of my code created using an IDE with auto-indent functionality.
His creepy answer was: «Readability is subjective. Anyway I'll try to get used to the sinusoidal trend of your code.»11 -
Rebuttal to all these beautiful wiring closet shots. This was taken at my first internship in 2002. As green as I was, I still knew this was awful.
(Pardon the low fidelity; it's a snap of a 14 year old printout!)
4 -
The man who runs my IT department. The man who is in charge of all things and people that are technical: IT management software development, infrastructure, training, help desk, system administration, etc. A man with a staff of fifty plus. If you were to peel back the flesh on this man's head and crack open his skull you would find dung beetles feasting on the feces that power his thoughts and motor functions. Underneath this foul membrane, if you could push past the maggots; the meal worms; his undying love for hourly binges of Johnny Walker Black on any day of the week with a name that contains a vowel; his fascination with shiny objects and his endless internal monologue wondering when they would hatch rainbow ponies that fly; his desire whenever he enters a paint store to open all the cans of paint and taste the different colors; if you could push past all of the vile crap that exists where Thomas Aquinas once theorized there was a soul, you would find a colony of paramecia at the end of their short lives laughing hysterically at how much smarter they were than the host they lived in.
This man was in charge of hiring the Manager of Software Development. The manager I report to. After seven months of ignoring this chore; after interviewing the sum total of four candidates; after making a point to tell myself and a colleague that there was no one qualified to fill this position within our company (an opinion that is both untrue and, when spoken, runs afoul of internal hiring policies) this man hired a soulless cretin with no experience in software development or with running a software development group. A man who regularly confuses web servers and SQL servers. A man who asked me how my previous manager reviewed my work, was told by me that said previous manager read my code, and then replied in his capacity as the manager of software development that "looking at code is a compete waste of time for a manager." A man so without any humanity or reason for being that he will sit silently, creepily, in conference rooms with the lights off waiting for meetings to begin. Meetings he has scheduled. That have no reason for being in the first place. Just like himself.
Shortly before the man in charge offered the Dev Manager job to the simulacrum of human flesh that is my manager, he met with me and others who had been involved in the interview process. When I informed him that hiring someone with no technical knowledge for a very technical position would be a mistake that he would suffer through for years, he replied in reference to his future hire that "his managerial experience makes up for his lack of technical knowledge."
Best. Prank. Ever. Worst prank ever too. Fuck.6 -
A developer's worst nightmare is having amnesia.
Imagine being an expert in 6 programming languages and you suddenly lost your memory.
YOU'RE IN DESTINATION FUCKED ALREADY.5 -
Wow... this is the perfect week for this topic.
Thursday, is the most fucked off I’ve ever been at work.
I’ll preface this story by saying that I won’t name names in the public domain to avoid anyone having something to use against me in court. But, I’m all for the freedom of information so please DM if you want to know who I’m talking about.
Yesterday I handed in my resignation, to the company that looked after me for my first 5 years out of university.
Thursday was my breaking point but to understand why I resigned you need a little back story.
I’m a developer for a corporate in a team of 10 or so.
The company that I work for is systemically incompetent and have shown me this without fail over the last 6 months.
For the last year we’ve had a brilliant contracted, AWS Certified developer who writes clean as hell hybrid mobile apps in Ion3, node, couch and a tonne of other up to the minute technologies. Shout out to Morpheus you legend, I know you’re here.
At its core my job as a developer is to develop and get a product into the end users hands.
Morpheus was taking some shit, and coming back to his desk angry as fuck over the last few months... as one of the more experienced devs and someone who gives a fuck I asked him what was up.
He told me, company want their mobile app that he’s developed on internal infrastructure... and that that wasn’t going to work.
Que a week of me validating his opinion, looking through his work and bringing myself up to speed.
I came to the conclusion that he’d done exactly what he was asked to, brilliant Work, clean code, great consideration to performance and UX in his design. He did really well. Crucially, the infrastructure proposed was self-contradicting, it wouldn’t work and if they tried to fudge it in it would barely fucking run.
So I told everyone I had the same opinion as him.
4 months of fucking arguing with internal PMs, managers and the project team go by... me and morpheus are told we’re not on the project.
The breaking point for me came last Wednesday, given no knowledge of the tech, some project fannies said Morpheus should be removed and his contract terminated.
I was up in fucking arms. He’d done everything really well, to see a fellow developer take shit for doing his job better than anyone else in [company] could was soul destroying.
That was the straw on the camels back. We don’t come to work to take shit for doing a good job. We don’t allow our superiors to give people shit in our team when they’re doing nothing but a good job. And you know what: the opinion of the person that knows what they’re talking about is worth 10 times that of the fools who don’t.
My manager told me to hold off, the person supposed to be supporting us told me to stand down. I told him I was going to get the app to the business lead because he fucking loves it and can tell us if there’s anything to change whilst architecture sorts out their outdated fucking ideas.
Stand down James. Do nothing. Don’t do your job. Don’t back Morpheus with his skills and abilities well beyond any of ours. Do nothing.
That was the deciding point for me, I said if Morpheus goes... I go... but then they continued their nonsense, so I’m going anyway.
I made the decision Thursday, and Friday had recruiters chomping at the bit to put the proper “senior” back in my title, and pay me what I’m worth.
The other issues that caused me to see this company in it’s true form:
- I raised a key security issue, documented it, and passed it over to the security team.
- they understood, and told the business users “we cannot use ArcGIS’ mobile apps, they don’t even pretend to be secure”
- the business users are still using the apps going into the GDPR because they don’t understand the ramifications of the decisions they’re making.
I noticed recently that [company] is completely unable to finish a project to time or budget... and that it’s always the developers put to blame.
I also noticed that middle management is in a constant state of flux with reorganisations because in truth the upper managers know they need to sack them.
For me though, it was that developers in [company], the people that know what they’re talking about; are never listened to.
Fuck being resigned to doing a shit job.
Fuck this company. On to one that can do it right.
Morpheus you beautiful bastard I know you’ll be off soon too but I also feel I’ve made a friend for life. “Private cloud” my arse.
Since making the decision Thursday I feel a lot more free, I have open job offers at places that do this well. I have a position of power in the company to demand what I need and get it. And I have the CEO and CTO’s ears perking up because their department is absolutely shocking.
Freedom is a wonderful feeling.13 -
Last night I dreamt that I had done a large project for a customer.
Upon delivery the customer said:
"Now we just need you to deploy it, and then we're gonna sue Facebook."
"Nooo!", I thought to myself. "I used react for the project!"
It was a true licensing nightmare.3 -
Hello, I just want to let you know I'm working on a 15 year old product and it is currently in production.
It uses Angular.js and one of the earliest versions of React.js. I cannot use ES6, we don't have Babel, no JSX syntax, no CSS preprocessor. No webpack.
I must support browser since IE6 with an ES3 syntax. (luckily I got some some polyfills for an ES5 syntax)
When I build a component I have to call React.createClass and React.createElement.
The render() function is basically a nested pile of React.createElement.
There is no documentation for this product, no tests, no anything.
I had to reverse engineer it in order to understand how it works.
The code base uses mixed programming styles and naming conventions, plus thousands of little js files.
Oh and obviously no hot reload, every time I make a change I have to restart everything.
Please, send help.
I'm in danger.
Sincerely,
An underpaid developer
....
I'm not crying, you are crying...19 -
!rant
So I was digging through some old projects of mine and I came across this lil pokedex project I had started but not finished sometime last year. The frontend is great but sadly the backend was non-existent because I didnt have that knowledge yet.
But now that I do, I'm thinking of building the backend and just keeping the frontend i have with some tweaks here and there. Anyways, I'm pretty proud of this project.
7 -
I just can't understand what will lead an so called Software Company, that provides for my local government by the way, to use an cloud sever (AWS ec2 instance) like it were an bare metal machine.
They have it working, non-stop, for over 4 years or so. Just one instance. Running MySQL, PostgreSQL, Apache, PHP and an f* Tomcat server with no less than 10 HUGE apps deployed. I just can't believe this instance is still up.
By the way, they don't do backups, most of the data is on the ephemeral storage, they use just one private key for every dev, no CI, no testing. Deployment are nightmares using scp to upload the .war...
But still, they are running several several apps for things like registering citizen complaints that comes in by hot lines. The system is incredibly slow as they use just hibernate without query optimizations to lookup and search things (n+1 query problems).
They didn't even bother to get a proper domain. They use an IP address and expose the port for tomcat directly. No reverse proxy here! (No ssl too)
I've been out of this company for two years now, it was my first work as a developer, but they needed help for an app that I worked on during my time there. I was really surprised to see that everything still the same. Even the old private key that they emailed me (?!?!?!?!) back then still worked. All the passwords still the same too.
I have some good rants from the time I was there, and about the general level of the developers in my region. But I'll leave them for later!
Is it just me or this whole shit is crazy af?3 -
I really feel sad for the person that is going to manage my code in future :(
Poor guy will have nightmare about this6 -
(Written March 13th at 2am.)
This morning (yesterday), my computer decided not to boot again: it halts on "cannot find firmware rtl-whatever" every time. (it has booted just fine several times since removing the firmware.) I've had quite the ordeal today trying to fix it, and every freaking step along the way has thrown errors and/or required workarounds and a lot of research.
Let's make a list of everything that went wrong!
1) Live CD: 2yo had been playing with it, and lost it. Not easy to find, and super smudgy.
2) Unencrypt volume: Dolphin reports errors when decrypting the volume. Research reveals the Live CD doesn't incude the cryptsetup packages. First attempts at installing them mysteriously fail.
3) Break for Lunch: automatic powersaving features turned off the displays, and also killed my session.
4) Live CD redux: 25min phonecall from work! yay, more things added to my six-month backlog.
5) Mount encrypted volume: Dolphin doesn't know how, and neither do I. Research ensues. Missing LVM2 package; lvmetad connection failure ad nauseam; had to look up commands to unlock, clone, open, and mount encrypted Luks volume, and how to perform these actions on Debian instead of Ubuntu/Kali. This group of steps took four hours.
6) Chroot into mounted volume group: No DNS! Research reveals how to share the host's resolv with the chroot.
7) `# apt install firmware-realtek`: /boot/initrd.img does not exist. Cannot update.
8) Find and mount /boot, then reinstall firmware: Apt cannot write to its log (minor), listed three install warnings, and initially refused to write to /boot/initrd.img-[...]
9) Reboot!: Volume group not found. Cannot process volume group. Dropping to a shell! oh no..
(Not listed: much research, many repeated attempts with various changes.)
At this point it's been 9 hours. I'm exhausted and frustrated and running out of ideas, so I ask @perfectasshole for help.
He walks me through some debugging steps (most of which i've already done), and we both get frustrated because everything looks correct but isn't working.
10) Thirteenth coming of the Live CD: `update-initramfs -u` within chroot throws warnings about /etc/crypttab and fsck, but everything looks fine with both. Still won't boot. Editing grub config manually to use the new volume group name likewise produces no boots. Nothing is making sense.
11) Rename volume group: doubles -'s for whatever reason; Rebooting gives the same dreaded "dropping to a shell" result.
A huge thank-you to @perfectasshole for spending three hours fighting with this issue with me! I finally fixed it about half an hour after he went to bed.
After renaming the volume group to what it was originally, one of the three recovery modes managed to actually boot and load the volume. From there I was able to run `update-initramfs -u` from the system proper (which completed without issue) and was able to boot normally thereafter.
I've run updates and rebooted twice now.
After twelve+ hours... yay, I have my Debian back!
oof.9 -
Soooo, i'm assigned to finish a half made prototype of a production line functional test platform.
1 - Some wires were faulty so someone decided to change them.
2 - wild shortcut appears *music fades, screen goes black*
3 - now i have to fix the prototype
4 - Devil's voice whispers on my ear *welcome to heeeeellllllll*
23 -
Some developers get over-excited about using dependency injection and make further maintenance a nightmare.
5 -
I recently interviewed for a job at company where I had 20 minutes to code a solution in python (whose standard library I know nothing about) to a question, which also included googling certain finance-related APIs, with not one but two technical interviewers looking over my shoulder THE ENTIRE TIME.9
-
The whole "‹‹in what language you program?›› ‹‹english››" joke is all fun and games until you realize there's people who don't program in english...3
-
You know, pointers are cool. I like pointers. They allow you so much more control about memory than languages without support for pointers. But fucking null pointers. I could kill them. Why are they such a fucking nightmare to debug?12
-
i had a nightmare the other day that i was at work explaining to a friend that 1/3 is the same as 3/9 and i was shocked why they ddnt approve. then they pull out a calculator and i see that while the first fraction yields 0.33 the second yielded 0.057. so i felt so nervous and panicked then i woke up.6
-
there are three kinds of programmers
foo () {
// those who use this
}
foo ()
{
// those who do this
}
for () { } // and theres this16 -
One of a developer's worst nightmare:
their headphones that they use in work is broken/doesn't work3 -
Today i had a deadline
Decided stuff it im sleeping late
Got a nightmare woke up at 5am instantly solved my problem2 -
Today the IT deparment update the firewall's configuration, they blocked almost every website except email and Google.
The problems:
- Blocked some systems outside the organization, there are in another building and also network
- I can search on Google but I can't see the results outside Google
- Forget about download depencies, libraries, deploy code to outside services, search at StackOverflow
I JUST WANNA SAY GOOD JOB, GUYS
PS: The firewall also block the SSH port, I had explained to my boss and he sent a request for allowing the port, so far no answer3 -
Working for a company that does PC repair I see allot of computers. But this one model of Dell seems like it will never stop haunting my dreams. Windows XP and all
12 -
My current project is a fucking nightmare.
It started in 2007, using a solution developed by an Indian company due to outsourcing (aka low-quality code).
It's running on Java 7 on the back-end and its front-end side is pure Javascript files. There are thousands of little .js files everywhere, no documentation, no comments, differents coding styles, outdated API that were already outdated at the time, mixed oop and procedural.
Not even when I started coding, I wrote something so horrible.
Yo, it's a clusterfuck and I just wanna get drunk.7 -
Do you guys dream about programming?
Tonight I was dreaming that I was building a client for some API and suddenly it started responding with 500 and then sent me a 50X "metal sound" (I don't remember the actual number), that meant the server was doing noises because of a mechanical failure.
I thought it was cool (because metal 🤘), until I realised the server was running on my laptop.
I started panicking and then woke up.4 -
Nightmare came true..
Stackoverflow down..
I am not able to access it...
Checking if it's really down or VPN issues..
Update: VPN is not an issue. It's down.
6 -
Almost 3 weeks back I joined a company as a React developer. For a week I had nothing to work on as they were already working on few projects.
So my senior asked me to take up a project(not yet live) which was developed by 2 interns, as the frontend guy's internship was about to end in 4 days I have to take over the front-end role.
So I talked to that guy for next 2 days regarding all the project scope, codebase and whatnot. But still not entirely convinced. As i got the repo access, I began to check the codes. God !! It was all spaghetti code. I was damn frustrated. And still I am.
This whole week I am trying to do the refactoring as much as I can, I completely lost interest.
I cannot blame the intern guy, he is smart and tried to do the best he could, as he didn't know about the company standards. Maybe I was too the same kind back then. Now he is gone and I am stuck building components over that code.
Bonus: He used some old react boilerplate.
-_-5 -
i am fucking tired of companies that come to me expecting to magically fix their STEAMING PILE OF BULLSHIT AND TRASH CODE. how about when i ask "can i get a project brief", instead of saying "just fix it" or "it just needs to do this", GIVE ME A FUCKING COHERENT AND DESCRIPTIVE WRITEUP OF EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. i can't read your minds, let alone read the code the previous cock sucking developer wrote, so guess what? i'm left with no other option but to completely rewrite it. to top it off, instead of giving me god damn excuses as to why you can't get me the api key for your order processing, MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT AND GET IT TO ME. how the fuck do you expect me to test an application when i don't even have access to the fucking api the whole shit pile is based around? i swear to god if these people expect me to have this done by the end of the week but want to be little cunt nuggets they can go eat shit. fuck you, fuck your "contract", fuck your company, FUCK EVERYTHING. greedy, shit faced bastards2
-
Had a nightmare last night that I had to give up dev and go back to managing a supermarket. Think this deadline is starting to get to me.2
-
To my horror I've been asked to cover some small jobs for support whilst he's away.. First tap on my shoulder, can you look at my laptop? it's not charging...
Is it plugged in and switched on at the mains..
Yeah, I'm not silly.
It was neither plugged in or turned on.
I made the long and hard transition to DevOps, I now know it was worth it.
Rant Over1 -
has anyone seen Google's AI face-tree nightmare generator? (a joke from another thread)
They need to be stopped!
12 -
This happened today
My Manager: How is the progress so far on the search module?
Me(After implementing some crazy shit requirements): It's all set. APIs are working well against the mock in-memory database. I need an actual database to run my unit tests. Where do we have it?
My manager: Let's pretend that there is no database at this moment. Go-ahead with rest of your activities.
Me(IN MY MIND): F*CK you a** hole. You don't know the first thing of software development! Which a** hole promoted you as a manager!!!
Me(TO HIS FACE): Ah.. okay!! As you wish!3 -
I spent 4 hours finding a good way to instanciate golang structures. Came up with a function that returned a value or pointer and I just kept reusing the nomenclature for an entire project. Then my buddy looks over and goes, "Ethan, you're a f****** idiot", and shows me the standard nomenclature. Now I have to refactor my entire project. FML.
(Edit: typo)13 -
You know what?
Last night I was dreaming and all that I’ve seen was fucking preloader.
Seriously. I couldn’t wake up. I tried thinking about something else but couldn’t focus on anything else than fucking preloader spinning around. Just couldn’t get it out of my head.
That was terrible. Am I even human? Or was my dreams server blocked? Damn, I’m gonna sleep with VPN tonight.1 -
"How long it takes to complete a task"
A slightly exaggerated illustration of why I enjoy coding alone ^^
2 -
Last night, I had a nightmare. After I freshly installed Debian on my laptop, i run `ls` inside root dir, then i saw `node_modules` inside of it.
OMG 😱
face screaming in fear
Unicode: U+1F631, UTF-8: F0 9F 98 B11 -
Repetitive task is my worst nightmare. And I am currently experiencing it, thanks to my fucking stupid shit module at university.
I just want to give up and sleep.2 -
Article 13 is like a nightmare,
already mass surveillance is widespread and getting stronger with new laws (hint Australia),
now freedom to express ourselves is eroding.
🤐🤐🤐2 -
In the process of moving our web store to Shopify (yuck!) and we are first creating 150000 fake orders through the API so that as we import our real orders, the numbers match.
I'm disturbed by the fact there is no better way to achieve this and after speaking with support they said our best bet would be asking about it on the forums.1 -
Well, I helped a client get their website back from being redirected to a microsoft scam website. Even though the restoring process was a nightmare, it feels good to get things working like it was suppose to :)3
-
-Writes an algorithm that randomly generates a dungeon for my RPG game I'm writing in C++ with SFML library-
after 6hours of reading papers about algorithms, writing an algorithm myself, at 4 am I decided to give up and re try tomorrow and fix all of the problems, but all that I had in mind is, what the fuck did i just write here.. I'm sure the next day me will not understand what the hell is going on-4 -
I had a nightmare where the PHP elephant was charging to attack me... nothing like the friendly Postgres elephant.11
-
Never buy crappy, consumer-grade SSDs for use in production servers/RAIDs. This might sound obvious but at the company I used to work for, through a series of bad decisions by management and cheapness, we ended up with the cheapest consumer SSDs you can imagine powering all of our storage.
This turned into a nightmare spanning years of failed hard drives and a continues cycle of ridiculousness. Drive failed after a few days, gets taken out, sent back to manufacturer and then replaced with another equally crappy drive destined to fail within days/weeks.
Our ops people were going to the data center multiple times per week to replace failed drives. Lesson I learned: cheaping out on system-critical hardware and software can have long standing consequences and in the end usually doesn't end up actually saving money when you account for time employees have to spend dealing with issues that result from it. -
I just had to walk a friend of mine through the process of buying a steam game. Holy shit it was a nightmare.3
-
Fuck you edge cases! This task was supposed to be a breeze and thanks to you it’s turning into a nightmare 🤯3
-
Leading a team of 10 people, 5 environments (3 non prod 2 prod) to support, 25 formal deployments per week, and all I have is one fucking repository in fucking svn.
-
So last week I really fucked up
I had this new implementation that was supposedly to be integrating smoothly into the rest of the service. It depended on a serialized model made by a data scientist. I test it in local, in QA environment: no problem.
So, Friday, 4pm, I decide to deploy to production. I check once from the app: the service throw an error. Panic attack, my chief is at my desk, we triy to understand what went wrong. I make calls with cUrls: no problem. Everything seems fine. I recheck from the app again: no problem.
We dedice to let it in prod, as the feature work. I go get some beers with the guys, to celebrate the deploy.
Fast-forward the next morning, 11am, my phone ring: it's a colleague of my chief. "Please check Slack, a client is trying to use the feature, it's broken"
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
Panic attack again. I go to the computer, check the errors: two types of errors. One I can fix, the other from a missing package on the machine that the data guy used.
Needless to say, I had a fairly good weekend.
Lessons learned:
- make sure Dev, QA and Prod are exactly the same (use Ansible or Container)
- never deploy on a Friday afternoon if you don't have a quick way to revert1 -
My most intense day was in the company at the day we had to publish a website containing lots of jQuery & CSS animated stuff.
We planned to go live at 3pm but due to the fact that before lunch time there began to appear more and more styling and animation problems, we went live at around 9pm. I was sweating and nervous as hell the whole time.
At least my boss and I went to drink a few beers right after that. ;) -
So, does anyone else dream about programming? I had this awful nightmare last night about JS, I think I might been working to much..4
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I recently made a meme of our nightmare client (only posted internally of course), and a coworker even made her into a Slack emoji. How do you let off steam when you're developing for the devil?5
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I'm rewriting a game from C++ to C just for the purpose of learning and adding more features, however; after I refactored the code, the game broke with a segmentation fault and I have no idea where the memory issue is.
I've been debugging for hours now and I've got nothing. FML5 -
PM wrote a really high-level requirement doc and asked me about estimates.
Me: Well, functionality-wise it will take 4-5 days provided the design is ready.
PM: Our designers are really full on schedule; Just do it! Expand your creativity. I believe in your taste of UX
Me: Listen, the implemented design will take much more time to change if we go back and forth. It's better to revise on the designer's screen.
PM: Oh don't be so modest! I trust you already. Just focus on the functionality, get it done first. For the design we'll talk about it later. Move fast and break things!
Me: ..Sigh. This is gonna end up badly.6 -
bad nightmare: getting a bug on the day of deployment..
worst nightmare: getting more than 100 comments on a Rant with no ++2 -
A programmers biggest nightmare. Going to sleep and losing the workflow and ideas.
I have to go to sleep. Noooo.....2 -
My Software Developing Skills finally paid off... I've spent whole night repairing a shitty Zanussi Washing machine. My life meaning was fulfilled
..3 -
Decided to learn C++ to write a server daemon for Linux. That's going to be a nightmare. I haven't managed to do anything in 4 hours. How do I use external libraries?! 😭😭4
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No indents, except a couple of random senseless ones here and there, nightmare! And I had to debug it😖1
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I asked him: "What are the projects conventions?"
He replied: "Everyone codes as he likes to"
And I was like... It will be a nightmare😂😂3 -
A dev's worst nightmare can be summed up as this:
"Working on updates
5% Progress
Don't turn off your computer"
So much for getting some work done tonight.....5 -
Well I probably should have been more prepared for this, but i was able to backup, upload and transfer my websites from my own server to my backup host provider while my ISP has been down for the past couple hours. Fun stuff.
-
I just had a nightmare I spilled my gin inside my computer. Might be putting that back under my desk... And not leaving drinks on my case with an open top...4
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Being assigned an old system that has scarce/cryptic documentation and uses global variables for everything. Not a maintenance nightmare at ALL.3
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Here's a nightmarish tale that happened to me not long ago:
One of our stores was moving, so they asked me for help with the systems. Thinking it'd be fun, I said yes, and went. All I had to do was unplug everything and reorder it at the new location, sounds really easy right?
They hadn't cleaned the computer area in ten years.
Each time something broke, they replaced it...and left the old cables there. But that was nothing compared to just a little later, when I tackled the network situation.
For two stations, they had:
2 routers. 5 switches. A wi-fi adapter, even though the routers had that capability, an adsl modem backup and a...56k modem. ALL plugged. ALL linked.
Turns out they switched providers, and they didn't bother removing the old equipment. They just linked everything together.
Man, what a night it was -_-1 -
! Worst thing another dev did in our NodeJS code.
1. No indentation. Literally.
2. A single function in a module worth 1000 lines. I'm not even kidding. No breaking into smaller functions. Just a large rock with a lot of js mess scribbled.
3. No comments at all
4. Sending stray values to promises which were not required at all.
5. No jsdoc. Using camelCase and uppercase interchangeably.2 -
Privacy nightmare!
So i had bought a second hand iPhone and it seemed the phone was reset as it had only the default apps.
But as soon as I downloaded Google Chrome on to it, things started to get weird. When i opened the newly downloaded Google Chrome app, it showed someone else's Google account already logged in Chrome. I went to the Chrome settings and the account section gave me full control over this person's Google account.
Not wanting any trouble, i didn't go further and removed that account from the browser.
I then logged in to Google Chrome via one of my "project specific" google account i had created months ago and it added fine. But guess what I found when checking out safari browser.
Safari has somehow synced bookmarks from my main & personal Google account!!
I'm just stunned. I didn't even provide gmail id of my personal Google account and safari somehow was able to get bookmarks from it.
I'm kind of scared now. 😵3 -
Look who is here!!
First of all, when was it ever stable and I can bet nightmare for front end developer has just begun.
5 -
The moment you realize that your dev colleague has just totally given up on the project (and you get why)...
-
Every programmer's worst nightmare is when Stack Overflow says "You are the first one to ask this question".5
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You know when you are true developer when you have nightmares about non functioning code and bugs without solutions...1
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Cursee's Bizarre Nightmare Series
Dream 3
I was a gay in the dream.
---
What in the fuck is happening in my brain?4 -
Forced to use SVN at work as it's baked into our core product and it's a constant nightmare. The struggle is real.4
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I really don't understand this particular Government Department's IT Unit. They have a system and network to maintain except:
- They don't have a DBA
- They don't have a dedicated Network Engineer or Security Staff
- Zero documentation on all of the systems that they are taking care of (its all in each assigned particular staff's brain they said)
- Unsure and untested way of restoring a backup into a system
- Server passwords are too simple and only one person was holding this whole time and its to an Administrator account. No individual user account.
- System was developed by an in-house developer who is now retired and left very little documentation on its usage but nothing on how its setup.
But, the system has been up and operational for the past 20 years and no major issues whatsoever with the users using it. I mean its a super simple system setup from the looks of it.
1 App Server connected to 1 DB Server, to serve 20-30 users. But it contains millions of records (2GB worth of data dump). I'm trying to swing to them to get me on a part time work to fix these gaps.
God save them for another 20 years.3 -
I had a nightmare this morning in which I had been working on a project for months without pushing my commits to the remote server. Then the office suddenly burned down and I had to tell my boss that months of work was lost because I was too lazy to push. He was sooo mad. 😬2
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Is there anyone else who's working for a company regardless of day and nights? Holidays or working days? And still get the old shitty pay?
Fuck this job I want to resign but can't do it because of financial problem.
damn I'm hating this situation.
do anybody know how can we build freelance profile how much time it takes?3 -
So, I'm looking into something and end up on Stack Overflow. Someone posted the question:
"Does minified javascript improve performance?"
This question was old as shit, all they way from 07/25/09, and about an Adobe Air application. (Remember that? Me neither...) It had a great, accepted, and still accurate answer, posted the same day the question was asked. Now, fast forward 8 years and on 12/08/17 (A mere 7 months ago...) the following answer was posted. I don't know what they were thinking, but here it is, complete and unabridged, with my comments in square brackets:
"I'd like to post this as a separate answer as it somewhat contrasts the accepted one: [Somewhat contrasts? More like completely contradicts...]
Yes, it does make a performance difference as it reduces parsing time - and that's often the critical thing. For me, it was even just simply linear in the size and I could get it from 12s to 4s parse time by minifying from 3MB to 1MB. [First off, your parse time should NEVER be THE critical thing, but secondly, and more importantly, WHO THE FUCK HAS 1MB OF MINIFIED JS ON A PAGE!!!]
It's not a big app either, it just has a couple of reasonable dependencies. [THERE IS ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOTHING REASONABLE ABOUT ANYTHING HE JUST SAID! What dependancies is he using?! You could use minified and not even gzipped jQuery, AngularJS, Vue, Ember, React, AND Dojo libraries on the SAME PAGE, AND have 118k of application code, AND STILL NOT HAVE HIT 1MB QUITE YET!!!]
So the moral of the story here is: Yes, minifying is important for performance - and not because of bandwidth, but because of parsing. [Javascript should NEVER take longer to parse then to download, even on a low powered device...]"
So, yeah, I'm at a loss for what this guy was thinking, but the thought the people like this exist, and that my browser might one day be subjected to their horrific nightmare of code terrifies me...2 -
Wow WTF!
So for a new client, they have their domain on a registrar that has the most ugliest and confusing UI ever.
So I decided to transfer the domain to somewhere better.
Guess what, it takes 5 days for them to release the domain. The site would be down and I won't be able to proceed with my work until transfer is complete.
In hopes to speed up the process, I tried to create a ticket. There is no ticket system and their only available contact email listed is sales@shittiestdomainregistarever.com
I mailed them yesterday evening hoping for a reply.
Few hrs ago, I received a bunch of automated email on some ticket I never created.
The biggest WTF is that the To: on that email is some other customer's gmail address and I am CC'd along with a bunch of other customers gmail and hotmail addresses.
Seriously, WTF is this?! I'm glad I took the decision to move from them20 -
Trying to find that one line of php you need to change in a magento project
App/design/frontend/base/default/template/this/is/not/gonna/be/the/template/youre/looking/for/fuckyou.phtml -
Not joining the weekly rant.
But had a haunted dream last night and it was definitely weird.
Dreamed that I was at my childhood house and opened the door of my room. Found literally nothing. Just empty room. Got scared (for whatever reason) and run to my mom. Came back to the room with her. Opened the door. Everything was in it's place; bed, chair, table etc.
I didn't watch any scary movie for the past few months. There was one scary dream few months/weeks ago and I wrote about it. And now this. 🤔1 -
Didn't go to work today because of commuting issues.
It's fucking night and I'm receiving notification of boss sending me photo on messenger. back to back.
I haven't opened the app yet and I'm legit scared if it has anything to do with me not coming to work.
Or even worse nudez.
:/ -
My source of rants in Scala.
Why the fuck the binaries are not compatible?
Every major update is a nightmare!1 -
I happened to come help with a project that deadline was in two weeks. It was hardware project for customers with UI.
They said to me - help us 2 weeks and it’s done. It only needs polishing. There was nothing working and we finished it after half a year.
Hardware was crap and drivers wasn’t working. Managers called me stupid when I tried to explain that this is hardware team fault. They used to say that it was tested in laboratory and there is no defect. Laboratory my ass fucking assholes never released anything from scratch.
I got depressed after this project for a year. It was fucking nightmare.
Everything, literally everything was rewritten 3 times cause of stupid decisions that I questioned all the time. At the end of project most of those assholes stopped commenting my decisions. I believe we released impossible product that was crap but based on usage rates I got later when I left it returned expenses.
I lost like 2 years of my life and about 20kg during those 6 months. Never again. -
Aligning things in Microsoft Word is officially more difficult than aligning them in CSS.
Change my mind.7 -
I just spent a week of mails because some "huge" company wanted me to do a plugin for their software by consuming theirs "brand new SOAP WS"... its full of bugs, bad documentated and slow as hell. I regret the moment when i said yes to be part of this nightmare haha2
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Got the task of researching the upgrade for an angularjs site with 300 components to newest version.
3 days in still no clue how to take on this Problem.
Frustrated af as I have to come with a proposal till Friday3 -
!rant
Waze is actually devRant for drivers / commuters...
On a side-note - Cluj-Napoca is a nightmare on monday mornings before 8 am... :/
8 -
Code editors as Doom skill levels:
coda = I'm too young to die.
notepad++ = Hey, not to rough.
sublime = Hurt me plenty.
vi = Ultra-Violence.
emacs = Nightmare!3 -
The worst kind of legacy code is the one in which a function body run miles climbing if-else ladders until nobody knows where the sky hits the floor, and returns when nobody is looking.
The best kind of legacy code is the one which is fully commented out! -
let me tell you a nightmare imagine working on an accounting system alone which is web based using native php and front end languages that's my life now -_- this thing cannot be completed :/2
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Problem of developers
When he tries to sleep at night, the code he wrote that day comes to his mind and he starts thinking opps I would have done that in a better way like this. I would have optimised that function like this. ok tomorrow I will do these changes.1 -
Had a nightmare last night where I was called in to do a coding challenge against two other people...on a whiteboard only and no Google or StackOverflow. I couldn't even get one line of code written. The other two guys got a bunch. Too bad one of my real life projects has a lot in common with this nightmare.
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When every night is a launch night... So tired.
Been trying to launch this Magento 2 application for about 3 weeks now. It's going to be the death of me. -
This thing. My C:\ drive is full, and I bought it almost a month ago. It's the solution to all my problems and my biggest nightmare (I need to do a clean install).
6 -
TL;DR: fear of bricking my laptop due to typo pinning.
The worst nightmare i am living in right now...
I was noticing i did need some software in sid so i decided to use apt pinning for said software...
I configure the system, ok test looks good... I push it to production, run it on the system....and the nightmare starts.
Lits of packages get updated, and i am screaming 'noooooooo' since debian sid softwarz can sometimes break everything! I discovered that i did test my apt pinning config for the presence of the amount of numbers, but not at their value... Sooo, by accident swapping pin numbers for stable and unstable you get... Your worst apt-get update nightmare...
I hope it does not become a brick.1 -
I have a single WinForm class, stuffed with all the logic it needs. 11k fucking lines of fucking nightmare code!!!4
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Software development is a special kind of a nightmare. The kind that you wish you could wake up from, but can’t, because code is money and money is life.4
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Nightmare for dev at timesofindia .. And it's Monday morning . Didn't knew they had hybrid app untill this . Love Js .
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I'm a bit cornered. A week into an ambitious refactoring effort that was supposed to take just a couple of days to finish, the end doesn't seem anywhere near. The system went from a messy albeit perfectly functional state to a much better structured non functional bag of bugs. If I leave the branch all the efforts are lost. If I soldier forward I'll be unproductive for good knows how many days to come.
How did I ever fuck myself so hard!1 -
I lost the book that i store all my passwords on it
I almost had a heart attack and
I woke up from my dream2 -
Why do I always have to refactor bad written code ? Is this some kind of karma ?
Undocumented, written by a senior but looks like it was a junior, no unit tests, variables with meaningless names, duplicated code and every possible thing you can find in that kind of code.3 -
ArseHole, for simple CRUD, my client suggest to use WordPress. Then they added payment and booking system. I asked why still using WordPress????? It's nightmare to work three peoples on functions.php file.
Fuck off. Go fuck yourself. 😣7 -
Trying to get Darkflow running on Windows is an absolute nightmare of endless debugging. Now I understand why everyone's been using Linux distributions for Tensorflow stuff.
-
The man just asked how to make folders with the command line, what on earth is this 100-line nightmare json?
https://superuser.com/a/14187013 -
The next time I have the brilliant idea to make a visual studio multi solution template, will someone please slap me? What a fucking nightmare.
-
Wiping your whole data, including your soon-to-be new OS zip before flashing your first custom ROM on Android
-
So to give you a feel for what evil, clusterfuck code it was in: this projects largest part was coded by a maniac, witty physicist confined in the factory for a month, intended as a 'provisional' solution of course it ran for years. The style was like C with a bit of classes.. and a big chunk of shared memory as a global mud of storage, communication and catastrophe. Optimistic or no locking of the memory between process barriers, arrays with self implemented boundary checks that would give you the zeroth element on failure and write an error log of which there were often dozens in the log. But if that sounds terrifying already, it is only baseline uneasyness which was largely surpassed by the shear mass of code, special units, undocumented madness. And I had like three month to write a simulator of the physical factory and sensors to feed that behemoth with the 'right' inputs. Still I don't know how I stood it through, but I resigned little time afterwards.
Well, lastly to the bug: there was some central map in that shared memory that hold like view of the central customer data. And somehow - maybe not that surprisingly giving the surrounding codebase - it sometimes got corrupted. Once in a month or two times a day. Tried to put in logging, more checks - but never really could pinpoint the problem... Till today I still get the haunting feeling of a luring memory corruption beneath my feet, if I get closer to the metal core of pure C.1 -
I think I just woke up from a nightmare and inception.
I was dreaming about not being able to sleep because I was hearing loud noises all night.
Anyone else every had that?2 -
I just woke up from a nightmare. It was a typo:
* $ chown microsoft / opt/microsoft
* I look away, hit tab and enter...
Nightmarish thought was that this typo might metaphorically be some future reality.1 -
When you pass a subject in one go where you cannot even fucking pronounce terms, symbols and notations in half of the chapters.
Also, just few hours before the exam, I was like, "Fuck this shit lets watch football".
P.S - Physics, the biggest nightmare of any CS student.
(Sorry it might sound a little OT but it had to be posted 😅)
7 -
Goddamnit, why did yarn have to replace "yarn install" with "yarn add"? When you're switching between npm and yarn, its a fucking confusing nightmare.1
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woke up in a cold sweat and all i can remember from my nightmare is "there's a party in ring -2 and no one's invited"7
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Can this week be over now(), it's been an absolute nightmare in terms of development. I just want to sleep.1
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!rant
Uni homework...
How can I decide if a weighted, undirected graph is connected or not, using Kruskal's algorithm?5 -
I've always heard that developers and well engineers in general tend to have some unique dreams in times where their work presses them to limits. Sometimes it's stacking hypothetical boxes in specific orders or plugging and unplugging things. Well I've been playing with some complex tcp server concepts and theories lately and started running a really bad fever last night. My whole night consisted of falling asleep, consistently connecting websocket servers to clients, getting socket hang up errors from which I'd then wake up in cold sweat and fall back asleep only to find myself debugging again. My bosses response was f*** man take a vacation 😂😂, drink more, but ya we need this done in 2 weeks
-
Being in a meeting my colleagues "caused" by not meeting an impossible deadline for a project I wasn't assigned to...
I just sat there not being able to say anything because I didn't know what the hell was going on.... -
!dev
Had a strange dream. I was in some place where I looked at some people or maybe one person I don’t know now making some ritual. Some sort of forming a new life being from white piece of modeling clay of something. Telling some spells. Standing in front of big jar. Like you see some old pictures of the witch or something in front of big jar telling spells and this white piece of clay was forming but I didn’t saw it to the end. Those people or person didn’t see me and I was very absorbed by the whole ceremony. I was alone ? I don’t know now but probably. Maybe I was in some sort of jar in the room of this witch as one of her trophy watching it behind the safety glass. So me was very small and this ritual was made by some giant.
As my mind start becoming aware what I am watching suddenly I heard voice of my mother that was screaming to me to get the fuck out of here.
I saw her running and someone was running toward me with big knife to kill her before she reach me.
I didn’t saw his face, before my mother reached me I turned around so he didn’t know my face either. I covered my face with my hands to don’t see him stabbing me with his big knife made of steel. Then I woke up lol. When I woke up I felt like I am slowly going back to my body.
I still have thrills 40 minutes later when I am writing this.
I probably didn’t suppose to see this ritual.
I slept for about 2 hours and I am fully awake and feel rested.
Well some of my dreams are really fucked up.10 -
Working on personal app project..got a feature idea... work all night to develop the feature, at morning I realized that feature is useless in my app ..Fuck that moment
-
android, a real nightmare to get something working in all its versions and screens and different vendors devices2
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Today I had a dream, not sure if I can call it a nightmare:
I was doing ReactJS + TypeScript. but no matter how much I try, I can't seem to match the type of the variable/object. The IDE ( WebStorm ) kept showing RED marks under the variables & I kept trying, but no solution!
& Finally I woke up at 3 am :|1 -
I'm the only one who doesn't understand how the fuck people dream about code/coding? I get it, you leave work and still think about a solution for a certain problem, that's normal. But dreaming/having nightmares about this shit is weird.4
-
I've went away but now I'm back. My last job was a fucking nightmare, they were well into my rants! New job now. I'll be tearing into my old one in due course. Watch this space.
3 -
I am thinking about quiting my job. The version of Eclipse my company is using has a bug for dark themes when highlighting a repeated word... it has the same color as the background...2
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My gods, writing software for an *actual* software company now, it truly amazes me just how frustrating my life has been for years...1
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Out of interest does anyone else have a Microsoft keyboard, and does it just die (requiring it to be plugged out and in again) every now and again? I honestly thought VS and Outlook were bad until I got this piece of crap5
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Arrrrgh Fuck this shit. I thought debugging someone's code was fucked up. I was wrong, try debugging someone's unit tests.... Absolute nightmare
-
Ethernet switch is broken
This happened last week, parts of our lan was working so could still connect to our svn server but no internet at work for a couple of days bar stack overflow on my phone. -
What is your worst project you have worked on ?
Ans) my self, I have worked on CMS project called as Ellis pathway, which is my ever worst project I have worked on. It was developed on the language called omnimark, have you by any chance heard about it ?. Moreover it was used to process XML and the worst nightmare would when XML is 500mb and it is not valid after process. I have spent shit lot of hours fixing XML manually.. I literally fucked my self there. Thank God I somehow managed to quit and move on. -
filled train. to the left business men with maximum size balls, to the right an elderly woman talking nonstop to a stranger. and no power outlet for my drained computer.10
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I had a dream last night that I saw php error logs from my code floating above people's houses if they were using the site.
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Learning ES6 arrow functions from Kyle Simpson's workshop video. Amazing how something that was designed to be a syntactic sugar turned out to be a code readability nightmare :(1
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Tomorrows meeting couldn't be more messed up
•boss(we are kind a thing now)and her ex sitting at the same table while she tries not to kill him
•me sitting there with someone else's shitty website with 20 day old code to show as a back end (previous dev was a cunt and deleted all copies from everywhere)
•them expecting a junior dev to build a whole accounting package on the 20day old code
•deadline 3weeks
• crying on the inside 😱😱😱5 -
SegWitAdress.org is really awesome if you know how to use it.It was my nightmare so do not use it...3
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Building atom on an RPI 2 with this fuckstickle of a package manager is a bloody nightmare. Works without issue on Raspbian Jessie, implodes into a spectacular clusterfuckeroni on Raspbian Stretch.
Been on it since yesterday, 10/10 weekend saved. -
Getting frustrated with errors I can't replicate or identify! After spending ages trying to find what's gone wrong and failing, its so embarrassing to suggest "try logging off and logging back in again"
-
Today I used NDepend to analyse my new jobs code base. It looks like the classic big ball of mud :(1
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One nightmarish project that was doomed from the beginning, had me as the sole developer. I could hardly sleep when we began testing on a separate test system, but with (nearly) all the config stored in shared memory and copied from the production system, I dreaded, half awake, that the production server data base connection was still configured in the test system and that it was shooting all it's test data repeatedly to prod.
Finally drove to company in middle of the night at 4 o'clock. Checked everything was OK, tried to sleep 3 hours before the start of the work day.
This system also had the most hideous memory corruption in some shared memory that was used across several processes and should have been thoroughly protected by a mutex, but somehow, sometimes this crucial map, that was used to speed up the access to all the customer data just contained garbage.
Still haunts me to that day. (Like xkcd's unresolved tension of a non-matching parenthesis - an unresolved bug. -
Just rebase a merge conflicts with LFS enable. What a fucking nightmare. And bitbucket, please eat a dick you useless cunt.
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GameSparks. Flaky, slow, unreliable, overpriced, uses an antiquated JavaScript interpreter (Rhino), no real modules, a f'ing nightmare.
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