Bogged down the entire office network because I mirrored Ubuntu Universe to my PC. Apparantly the downlink wasn't rate limited...

I just got blocked on chess.com because some british guy blundered away like three pieces in a row and I went "blimey! the brexit geezer gambit!"

simple as.

A colleague used AI to transcript our latest sprint retrospective and now they have in writing the very long list of insults I addressed towards the management. I'm cooked

Love how the senior dev said 'this is a simple fix' and it has now consumed three days of my life, two liters of coffee, and the last remnants of my sanity.

COLLATE in SQL and “collateral damage” are related words

I'm starting to understand this guy.

insert into devlife values('bullshitpeople', 'bullshitmanagement', 'bullshit', 'bullshit_fake_productivity', 'bullshit_mantras', 'bullshit_corporate_culture', 'impossible_requirements', 'impossible_deadlines', 'sabotage', 'etc');

Manager: "add this"
Me: *adds the thing*

One week later:
Manager: "Remove this we don't want it anymore"
Me: Fuuuuuuuckkkkk

Mother-in-law was visiting this morning (love her, lovely woman) and being a good son-in-law, I set out/up the coffee maker before leaving for work (I knew she'll want coffee).

About an hour I get a text message from my wife.

W: "Mom is here and wants some coffee. How do I make coffee in that thing on the countertop?"
<It's a Keurig>
Me: "First, press the power button to get the water up to the brewing temperature."
W: "I know that, I'm not stupid. Where is the power button?"
Me: "The top row of buttons, the first button, it looks just like the power button on the remote control."
W: "Got it. Now what? Its not working"
Me: "You need to wait until it's done warming up. Takes about 30 seconds."
W: "Is it supposed to make that sound? Something is wrong."
Me: "No, its normal. Be patient."
W: "No, something is wrong. Its not supposed to be that loud."
Me: "Sounds like a jet engine taking off, yes, been using it for almost 10 years, this isn't new."
W: "Stop being mean. Never mind. It stopped. What now?"
Me: "Put the pod in the little basket, pull down the handle, and press the second button from the top."
W: "Not working"
Me: "Did you pull the handle all the way down, so it locks?"
W: "Still not working. Now what?"
Me: "Weird. Send me a picture, I can't see what you see."
W: "Never mind, its working now. This would have gone a lot faster if you told me what to do from the start."

My prayer today is thanking Jesus for patience. Amen.

I hate what AI has done to developers, man.

I was discussing something a couple of days ago while my colleague was sharing his screen. He (Android/Flutter developer asked for my help for something custom in the iOS build) And while we were discussing it, he went to ChatGPT.

He wrote a bad prompt using wrong terms (for example how tabbar in ios is a different thing than android), i told him he was wrong and what the solution is, he didn't listen and went to try out what the AI said, made a bunch of errors, the proceeded to copy the errors to chatgpt wasting so much time.

AI to some developers is like tiktok to kids.

Enter BIOS menu
See the option called something like “ionic capacitor discombobulation”
Click “help” near the option to learn what the hell that is
“Enables or disables ionic capacitor discombobulation”
ffs

Big boss: Last year we had much more revenue and profits than our expectations, and this success is thanks to all of you. Thank you! You made an excellent work! Impressive!
Some employee: Can we all get a raise?
Big boss: Wtf that question again? No way!

Me: WFH today

Boss: No, meeting in boardroom

Come in, knowing already there's nothing for me to do until the meeting

Boss 5 minutes before meeting: Moving to Tuesday, didn't have time to p;rep and team lead tis off sick

Life at work these days:

Manager: we’re not getting enough done
My calendar: 1/3 week filled with scheduled meetings

Manager: we need to use ChatGPT intensively. We'll go a lot faster.
Me using ChatGPT to get it to write an automation script: 2 hours wasted with no success
Me starting again from scratch to write the script: 15 minutes to achieve the desired result.

Thanks for your advice boss

Got this email yesterday, it was about one of my projects. THIS is what I live for.

So in my 6 ppl dev team management had to do cuts and pulled a jira report of story points sum of the past 10 months, it went like this:

1. 307
2. 307
3. 283
4. 274
5. 257
6. 220

The 6. Guy is a teamlead so he was safe. 4 and 5 guys were fired with zero notice and 1 weeks severance pay (we are contractors).

Best part is that remaining 2. And 3. devs produce very low quality code. But hey, they have enough story points. Managament didnt even bother to discuss with teamlead about who to keep. Workload is the same, we were told to "level up".

You can't make this shit up. US based startups man.

Windows: I have updates, please pick an option:
* Update and shut down
* Update and reboot

Me: Ok, update and shut down

Windows: Updates and reboots

The state of operating systems in 2024.

Windows - has a user interface that changes with every update so Microsoft can push ads even though it costs $200

Mac - an unusable interface designed solely for consuming media anchored to hardware that costs 4x what it should

Linux - absolute freedom to do everything you want so long as you don't want to play games, connect to Wifi, or listen to audio

I'm just going to go be a beet farmer in the 1600s

See, you misunderstood me.

I realized that I was wrong 10 minutes ago.

Now I'm just trying to piss you off.

Smartphone users in 2012: "Non-replaceable batteries need to be outlawed."

Politicians in 2027: "Were… were starting to think about it. Have some patience."

Politics in a nutshell.

$5.625/hour.

Thats the offer.

$5.625/hour.

Thats $900/month.

To work as a:
- devops engineer

Then also as a:
- backend java engineer

And now also as a:
- .NET engineer too

Due to inflation the food and all the bills and expenses in my bullshit country is $800-900/month and increasing.

This salary is not for living.

This salary is for survival.

Do you think

It is

MORAL

To earn salary

Working 2 or 3 dev jobs as 1 person

As a backend/devops software engineer

With computer science degree

In todays economy

In todays inflation

?

How many project managers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just schedule a meeting to discuss the lighting strategy.

Interviewer: So, we were researching you online and came across your devRant profile.

Me: Ok, I'll see myself out. Thanks.

Twilio literally broke my integration because I have not logged into its portal for 2 weeks. Got notified by users complaining SMS wasn’t going through.

I am now receiving fertility information about a random person in the US because they thought it would be an excellent idea to use some random mail address (my mail address) to register for a fertility site instead of their own.
For anyone interested they will be highly fertile in about 12 days. Lets see if they succeed and unregister from the service then.

For the love of God please verify mail addresses of user before registration! Please!

Related rant: https://devrant.com/rants/9686149/...

I find it unfair how many talented frontend developers get assigned to backend-only/focused positions. This is a sign of bad management that sees developers as code monkeys rather than talent.

Buy a $2000 suit that you will wear once or twice a year and nobody cares.

Buy a $120 keyboard that you will literally use everyday and people lose their minds.

You can comply with all the principles of clean architecture, but there will always be room for improvement in both performance and maintainability. The question you should ask yourself is when a software is ready to go into production

I had to explain what version control was to the dinosaur last week. (Our cto, for more context check last post)

So we've been having issues getting our infrastructure dude to do deployment because he is sick of the treatment he gets here and has basically checked out.

Deployments then fell onto the dinosaur. After struggling for an eternity to figure out app settings (any junior dev could figure this out) he finally deployed, however it was from qa branch.

I gently reminded him that we were deploying from master and that all changes in qa should be merged to master when testing phase is over.

He informed me that 'he doesn't think that's a good idea because if we merge to master and there's problems then it's fucked forever and there is nothing we can do'

I stood there with my mouth hanging ajar until I finally managed to squeeze out 'that's literally what git is for....' 🤡

The moment I see a mention of "preferred pronouns" on your resume, It's gonna get thrown in the bin, straight up.

I don't want my colleagues/team members to tiptoe around you.

Me: XYZ library just announced that they will stop support for their version 3. I will update our code to use the latest version. It'll probably take 10 hours because we use it pretty extensively.

Manager: Okay. While it's updating, could you work on the ABC feature?

Me: ... no, because I'll be working updating the library.

Manager: Oh so you gotta work on it? I thought it would get updated overnight like my iPhone.