My dream is to build a shopping cart for web stores that doesn't fucking suck.

Seriously Bigcommerce, Shopify, Magneto, etc. All of you can eat bag of dicks and burn in hell for ever.

I don't care what languages you fancy, all of their stacks are a pile of shit, monkey patched together with popsicle sticks and duct tape and it all falls apart with high concurrency.

All their greasy haired sales teams will throw all manners of horse shit at the poor bastards who are trying to run a business so they can pad their commission checks... "High availability", "scalable", "reliable", "Increased conversation rate"... Lying dick fucks, all of them! I am calling them the fuck out on that snake oil they're all peddling.

The only thing worse than their shit APIs is the shit documentation and the shit support that accompanies them.

Support of these platforms are pretty much all the same, sure mayhaps one has 24*7 phone support and another closes at 9 or some shit like that, either way the only people they put on the phone are monkeys that will freeze up and say "I'm not a developer so I can't help you"... Guess what, "Eric"! I didn't ask if you're a fucking dev! I'm calling because one of your devs fucked up and I need you to tell him to unfuck it so I can get the fuck on with my day!

Their app/plugin market places are shameful to say the least. The overall quality of software is somewhat dire and it's mostly dominated by oversees developers who speak English about as well as the language they're developing with (not very well usually).

I could go on until I hit the character limit but I'm gonna end it here by saying, all shopping carts suck and they should burn for eternity in the depths of hell so that a savior can free all developers from this agonizing torment.

2.5 hours of a not us problem phone call and these fuckers broke it worse than it was before. What the hell? Whyyyyyyyy?

!rant
the most popular ecommerce solution in php is a massive (cosmological scale) pile of corporate crap (magento) and the next most popular is an abomination (opencart)
after fucking around with both for a month (the client asked for the project to be using only one of the two) I'm still barely reaching any results, and most of my time is wasted with the stupid bloated spaghetti that is opencart FUCK THIS,
like seriously. who the fuck writes a single line three left joins sql querry with four or five aliases a couple concacts and a bunch sorting fuckeries just to query the categories list, then just query the details of the specific category from a different function,
also why the fuck map each language string manually. or the fucking hardcoded seo urls, or the use of myisam for all tables, and no fucking foreign keys, let that settle for a minute, no foreign keys, the delete method in the model has at least a twenty lines, and then he came with the genius idea of duplicating models, in the front and the backend, accessing the same data, as the same user, but different naming conventions

I'm going to convince him to use something sane like codeigniter/laravel/fuelphp or I'll deny the project

Spiderman as Network Admin

Comic sans 😂

!Rant
Won $10,000 in a hackathon today.
Now, time to implement!!

- Sleep 7h+ each night (you think you don't need it - but you do!)
- drink NO coffee (you've slept enough!)
- pair-up (you're not as good as you think)
- get a grasp on the problem (it's time will spent!)
- communicate constantly (you're not alonw especially)
- refactor just as much
- learn from you partner
- celebrate even small accomplishments (you need success!)
- go home and do something else (your pet project does not need more than 5hrs per week!)
- repeat (because repetition makes perfection!)

Wise words to live by

My dream till I die is to be a programmer!! I'm still learning...

The "fix my computer" ask

Too true, too true...

You know you've done research when chrome looks like this...

Got to love 21:9 displays for programming.

The best part of being a dev is the constant thrill of constantly fearing you wil fuck something up and bliss of finishing something after so many hours of frustration. We devs are actually more adventurous than we look.. Constantly living on the edge of deadlines.

I'm such a dumb fuck....
It took me fucking 30 mins to figure out that I use a function which relies on a copy of an object that's copied one line after the function call instead of before...

PLEASE KILL ME

Best thing for me is being in an environment where I am not only able but encouraged to learn every day. Also sleeping in and working from home are nice bonuses ;)

Best thing about being a developer, for me, is that there is always something new to learn and improve upon.

Best part of being a dev? Being paid to fix problems in the code you created yourself.

i always thought that making a simple game is easy until i saw the source code for the dynosaur game you have in chrome when your internet is down

I'm sure it's repost, and I don't know who to credit for this (my fiancé sent it to me), but this is so true ->

When a great developer in your team decides to leave for a bigger company and then half of his last day is for him to share all the knowledge he can to the team.

I'm a little sad about our loss, but really glad for him and for all the things I just learned.

Sorry if it was posted before, but it's hilarious.

Source: reddit

My colleague just found the following code in our program:

Meta devRant rant...

When a coworker promises a client that you will give them a free web page because he believes that you can create it in 5 minutes.

Driver: "Where to?"
Me: "192.168.1.1"

Working on a module in an old shitty system. It takes 150 seconds to boot the fucker for debugging, which gives me one minute of debugging before the inevitable crash. Four minutes of debugging costs me 10 minutes of watching the loading splash screen.

I'm about to send my keyboard on a journey, straight through my monitor.

When my friend said the note 7 is the bomb, I didn't know he meant it literally.

Add bugs to fix them later??