Girl: you don't...see sharp
Me: I'm... Not a Java developer
Girl: I never said you were
Me: but why make that joke?
Girl: what joke? You hit your head on a beam tripped over a chair and missed your drink. You clearly need glasses
Me: *gets glasses* oh your not a girl 😳

"I wrote the code, I have to maintain the code, I wont need any comments"

*some months later*

Boss: Logo needs to be more grey. Touch it up in photoshop.

Me: .logo {opacity: 0.6;}

Boss: perfect!

"So, why do you want to work at our office in mexico?"
"I want to be a señor developer."

Can't wait for this to happen

When a programmer and designer meet in tinder

Microsoft Access

Unfortunately.

I am invited for job interview to RedHat. Hell yeah.

I'm from Italy and I code,
how can you drink more coffee?!

My company just fired 20 people, and the next day instuted a program so salaried employees have to clock in and out. Of course not to effect our pay, just to keep their paranoid asses breathing down our necks. Also, no clocking in remotely so all the work I do from home won't be taken into account. Fucking micromanaging, ball-licking, scum-fuck, MBA, morons couldn't run a company if their lives depended on it. When will these soul-less, suit-wearing, shit-scarffers learn that treating your employees with respect and valueing actual work over bullshit metrics, is a better business strategy than treating them like fucking sheep to the slaughter. Fml, I gotta find a new job...

I saw this as a ./ comment a while back on a discussion about dev tools (sorry... don't have a link to the actual post...) It was so good that I printed it off and pinned it to my cube. Thought I'd share it here--

"The pain in programming doesn't come from the tools. Yeah, it's a pain to learn the tools, but that's short lived. The real pain comes from the nature of programming. It's caused by having to tell the computer in excruciating detail exactly what you want it to do without glossing over any of the 'you know what I mean' steps, because the computer certainly doesn't know what you mean. And not only do you have to tell it how to do the job when everything is working as it should, you have to anticipate all the ways in which things could fail and tell the computer what to do in those cases, too. THAT'S the painful part of programming--the programming. No tool is going to fix that."

for( ; ; )
System.out.println("Dormammu, I've come to bargain");

Honesty

Took me a while to get it :D

I put an Easter egg into a product, that if you enter the string "final countdown" into the stock code search field, it plays a YouTube vid of Europe's "The Final Countdown", in a hidden div. It's an in-joke for a few people in the company.

A well meaning maintainer with no sense of humour or judgement takes over and goes on the warpath against any hardcoded strings. The secret code gets moved into a config file.

A third developer changes the deployment script so that it clears any configs that aren't explicitly set in the deployment settings.

So the secret code is now "".

Literally every PC in the stock buying department is now blaring out "The Final Countdown" at top volume.

...Except none of them have speakers, so it remains this way for over a year and two more changes of maintainer.

I just noticed this afternoon and quietly re-hardcoded the string. The buying dept.'s PCs will silently sing no more.

At a funeral.....

A visitor: What's the WiFi password here?

Priest: Respect the dead

Visitor: All small letters ?...

You study PHP, OO, Design Patterns, TDD, Zend Framework, Laravel, AngularJS...

Then you find a job, it's Wordpress...

Leaning Tower of Pisa being a wonder of the world is basically "It's not a bug, it's a feature" example.

New features 😂😂😂

Trying to get some work done on a sunday..

When you need to be sure

Dude! I have this amazing idea for a website! It's like a social network but for videos!
- uh like youtube?
No! Totally different because in this social network you could share the videos with your friends.
- so... like youtube
No man! Cause you could also rate and comment the videos!
- like youtube?
No! You're just not getting it man!
-...

The good old xkcd

Why is there no devrant rubber duck available in the store???

It was hard to write, so it should be hard to read.

A client asked me to do a website completely vanilla instead of using frameworks and libraries. Then asked why the quote is so much more. Is this a good analogy?

Using frameworks and libraries is like you going to the grocery store to buy eggs.

Making a website from scratch is like going into the wild to capture hens, building an enclosure, and caring for the hens at least until they lay eggs.

I believe this is why companies look for Junior Developers who actually know enough to be a mid or senior developer.

One day, a company that doesn't have the technical chops to know the difference between python and ruby hire a developer who is still in school. That developer doesn't know what he's worth, so the company gets him for pretty cheap. He does amazing things, takes last minute requests, learns some along the way, but eventually leaves because he just got contacted by a recruiter telling him how much he's really worth. He leaves, but the company needs to fill his spot. The company asks the former rockstar all the technologies he used to accomplish his job and throw that into a job description. The company could only really afford the junior so they keep all the stuff about being a junior, but because they need to maintain all the hodge podge stuff the previous developer put in, they need someone with experience enough to jump in.

Css ninjas

#iPhone7