Omg... I can't concentrate today. Always there is a phone ringing, People talking, mentor asking me if i'm done yet... My god. What do I do to concentrate for longer than 2 minutes? I can't tell them to fuck off right?

The most under-stated job description

Dont know if guys hv seen this before.

++++++++[>++++[>++>+++>+++>+<<<<-]>+>+>->>+[<]<-]>>.>---.+++++++..+++.>>.<-.<.+++.------.--------.>>+.>++.

Now this randomly generated avatar is just unfortunate...

Dev humor

Dear Hipchat, if you are going to implement an Autocorrect Feature, LEARN THE FN TECH LANGUAGE

if i type gradle i do not mean grade
if i type coap, i do not mean soap
if i type mqtt i do not mean mitt
and for f-shake hipchat is not "hip chat", how do you even mess that one up!

(feature now disabled)

"Errors? Won't happen to me!"

One of my first jobs was to finish and maintain a program, that was made by a guy who had a real genius image among others. Years later, people said "oh him, that smart guy."

I never met him, but that's what i heard.

However, he was not only smart, but it seems he was also very confident. That's what i deduct from his code.

He didn't use catch-blocks. They were all empty. Not even logged.

If errors appeared , it was not possible to see what happened and where and why. The program would continue it's execution and if following steps could not work, because there had been an unnoticed exception, it would just throw another unnoticed exception and at some point, end in an undefined state.

Well, the impossible needs to become possible again.

"you will shit out a full website for this customer in two days! Fully responsive, 16 pages, and it better be good!"

Yeah. Ok. Fuck you. My attitude stinks, but your expectations and temperament kind of forge my attitude. Now tell me how in fucks name i am supposed to just stop administering over 3000 users and god only knows the ever growing amount of servers, stop all my server side development, so that I can make a site for a customer paying the company the equivalent of $100 for it (because sales people here are retarded) and get zero fucking commission or even a thank you for it.

Nah. Fuck this.

Tired of complaining, and I'm sure you guys are just as tired of it.

just found this on reddit... this is freaking hilarious 😂😂

Go home candle. 🕯️
You are drunk. 🍺

From Facebook page "I am programmer, I have no life"

My first official post and we are almost there all.

Well that's one way to explain it

True story

I think that instructions on ransomware are more clear than on troubleshooters nowadays... 😂

When deadlines come due but you still try to party with your friends...

I have this amazing idea, said John
I ask John about this amazing idea.

John goes on to say that it will change the world and solve world hunger.

I ask him again, what's your idea?
John says my idea is to 'solve world hunger'! AMAZING RIGHT?

now now John, so you're gonna do it like (provide a few solutions)..
John says yeah that was exactly what my idea was (ah. Fuck you)

So John now is under the delusion that he can solve world hunger and the steps to do it came from his own ostrich-brained imagination...

Tiny fuck doesn't even realize the fact that he plagiarized.

Now we look into the future where I ask John honestly that he should come up with his own idea to solve world hunger and not use mine.

JOHN GETS ANGRY
John asks 'do you actually think that was your idea? We were brainstorming man, I told you we had to solve world hunger and only because of my voice did I spark that idea in you, I created that idea man'

So, well since he's plagiarized so much I told him that I had this plan to perform a hunger strike in the grand Canyon to get some attention..

Fidgety little bitch found another idea to steal and he was like good idea!! I'm booking my flight to the Grand Canyon now!

What bout me I ask? He says man take some rest let me face the pressure (and the glory apparently)

Well, John did not return.
Poor stupid John did not realize that I had been joking and got his little ass fired under the direct sun in the grand canyon

Moral of the story :
I WILL DESTROY YOUR HOMES AND YOUR LIVES PLAGIARISTS, I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU *cough**cough*
Damn that Sulphur hexafluoride actually worked!

Normal user understanding of cloud storage😂😂

Me: PHP, please load the images.
PHP: No.
Me: Come on PHP, the deadline is tonight.
PHP: Haha nope.
Me: What if I swap the libraries?
PHP: Still no.
Me: What if I add a symlink?
PHP: No. And also I hate you.
Me: *gives up and sends an email to the client saying we have to delay the release*
PHP: lololol jk here's the images haha
Me: :/

Protip: always check for snarky comments before pushing

!rant

Decided to get myself a (rubber)ducking buddy.
Say hello to Buck.

When I found out that one if my friends write C++ programs in Microsoft WordPad!

404:Data not Found

Read to the end.

WannaCry is here.

Soooooo accurate!!

I can drink my coffee with extra confidence now whenever they report a bug.

Hahahah

When your Artificial neural network set the weights right through the first iteration.