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My company is like:
Boss: How long do you estimate to make a universe?
God: 14 billion years.
Boss: You have 7 days. Please reserve 1 for Q&A.8 -
PM: Can you finish this in four weeks?
Dev: yeah sure, I can finish that in four weeks
Narrator: the dev could not finish it in four weeks10 -
At first I was like: "wtf just happened? Why is that hand connected like it was a robot?".
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then I realised it's a watch.
9 -
Me : So how's the deadlines here?
Coworker : There are none.
Me : ?
Coworker : if they are unrealistic, we push non-working code. Prod comes up with bugs, and we get a new sprint to resolve those bugs.
Me: ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯12 -
How long will it take?
Me: 45mins
...5 hours later
I thought you said 45 minutes
Me: Yeah. 45 minutes from now.4 -
When you have a bizarre bug that you can't consistently reproduce, but you're already past your deadline.
7 -
When programming will be possible on our mobile phones and the deadlines are fast approaching. 😂😂😎
5 -
Boss: "I know we just finished the first part of Client A's project but they also want this extra work done that wasn't in the contract."
Me: "Can't do it without pushing back Client B's work"
Boss: "Well we don't want that. We need to hit that deadline."
Me: "Cool"
Boss: "But Client A was really hoping this new feature which wasn't in the scope would be in."
Me: "Then we're pushing back Client B's work"
<<loop continues >>5 -
So the remote manager who won't reply to my emails or slacks, won't invite me to meetings with product / design, won't ask for my opinion on deadline dates and won't tell me whats being said in meetings (despite repeated effort on my part to change this);
Has decided to send an angry email, cc'ing a bunch of people, about "constant deadline slippage" and poor planning on our part focusing on features that should have been de-prioritised.
ahem
*clears throat for maximum yelling rant-ability*
<rant>
I HAVE BEEN EMAILING YOU FOR FUCKING WEEKS ASKING TO TALK ABOUT THE DEADLINES YOU FUCKING COLOSSAL ASS CLOWN.
I'VE BEEN REPEATEDLY TOLD THAT THESE FEATURES ARE A MUST HAVE AFTER ASKING TO DE-PRIORITISE THEM, AND HAVE TOLD YOU THE DATES ARE NOT FEASIBLE.
ONE MORE, ONE MORE EMAIL OR BAD COMMENT AND I'M EXPENSING A TRIP OVER THERE, TO KICK YOU SQUARE IN THE NUTS AS HARD AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. I'LL HAPPILY BREAK MY FOOT OFF IF NECESSARY, YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT.
</rant>
... the above is work appropriate to email back to him and all the higher ups right?15 -
Act I
Me (Lead Developer), Boss (Head of IT), CEO
> enter stage left CEO
CEO > "Alright Boss, give it to me straight. Are we going to be able to release app x by this date?"
Boss > "Yup we'll have a beta release on that date"
> exit stage right CEO
Me > types long email to Boss outlining exactly why we won't be able to release app x anywhere near that date, beta or otherwise, because:
1. We have a development team of 2
2. I've never developed an iOS app before
3. Developer 2 is still trying to understand git, because
3a. Developer 2 isn't even a developer (but he's doing iOS front-end so w/e)
4. We don't have the required database systems in place
5. Or CRM
6. Or CPQ
7. We'll need to conduct a security audit
Boss > "yeah, but CEO is gonna need to hear that date a few more times before he can fully understand"
Me > *internally screaming BUT YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HIM THAT AT ALL*
"ok cool just glad we're on the same page on that one"5 -
Took yesterday off to sort out a new passport.
Today on the stand:
Manager: "So we've been trying to get app X running on a dev environment for client X but we couldn't expose it to them"
Me: "Well yeah it's a dev environment if you want to give them one give them access to staging"
Manager: "Oh well we're still going to give them access to dev because they asked for it. It's due for 10am but we couldn't get it to run. You have to get it running since we edited the config files"
*accessing dev environment*
half of config files is missing, random files committed to the repo, SSL certs manually edited, eth0 down and found swan vpn installed.
never taking a day off again.
1 -
Manager: I need estimates for your sprint tasks
Me: I've never done any of this before, my estimates have no context and are effectively worthless
Manager: don't worry it's just for the Jira board.
Me: OK *gives estimates*
End of sprint comes...
Manager: Why isn't task X done?
Me: *sigh*
I don't miss my old job :)
3 -
Everyone has these projects sooner or later;
PM: 'You have 2 weeks to finish. It HAS to be done by then because they will start using it ASAP!!'
Me: Working day and night to meet the deadline.
After 2 years PM comes by;
PM: remember that program? They're testing it now. They plan to use it in production.
Rghuu*~ (that's me dying a little on the inside)4 -
Imagine being me, an intern at Google and having to work with Google Drive on something with a deadline in five hours.
You have three guesses - when did all Google servers go down in Central Europe? Yeah. I missed my deadline.
7 -
Hey PMs!
Fuck you!
Estimates are NOT... I repeat..they are NOT the FUCKING DEADLINES.
If you are asking for an estimate then remember, in your absolutely fucking small fucknugget brain, that it can FUCKING CHANGE!
The last thing you wanna do is grill the dev by asking them to explain in details why the change instead of trusting them. Specially when you don't understand a thing of the technology.
- Dev on whom you are shitting you asshole!18 -
1. Promise anything, everything to clients
2. Set unrealistic deadlines
3. Devs can't meet deadlines
4. Blame the devs
Anyone?8 -
We have a little rule in our little dev team at work:
First estimate how long the project/task will take to do...
Then double it. Multiply it by 5. Raise it to the power of your birthday. Hell, just to be sure make sure to TRIPLE that figure.
That's how long we will tell our unreasonable boss it takes, because either way. We won't get enough time..3 -
Project Managers be like "hey bruh, I just wanted to put a meeting half way through your crunch for a deadline to make sure we can meet that dead line"4
-
Boss: agrees to unreasonable deadlines.
Team: misses deadlines because they're unreasonable.
Boss: "you just don't understand how important the deadline is"
He legit thinks the only reason we fall behind, is because we dont care. Not because we're doing stuff that hasn't been done before, and need to tech ourselves everything as we go.
Also, he's not a programmer, he's a salesman... and he runs the company like one too.
Anyone looking to hire a VR/AR developer?5 -
It's fucking 4:30 am and i have been playing civilization 6 for the last 4 fucking hours. And the worst thing is tommorow(or today..!!?) is fucking monday. I am SCREWED.6
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Came to work and there ware my boss and CEO waiting there next to my place.
"Hey, you remember that you mentioned yesterday that you had a break through and the thing is finally starting to do something? We have few journalist downstairs can we show them a demo in like five minutes?"
"Ok, give me five minutes and don't click here and there otherwise it blows up."
My boss came back from presentation after ten minutes that it doesn't work, after little investigation turns out to be hw issue, replaced hardware went to the conference room and it worked.
Crazy deadlines? No, just another day at work. -
Client: "Dear Mr. I still have not received the final version yet. I had planned to send it out to my customers at the end of the week."
-------
Me (1st answer I did not give):
"Ok. I accept your statement as true, since I did not send you anything. Furthermore I respect your wish."
Me (2nd answer I did not give):
"Well I am sorry. Before today you did not once mention that there was a deadline. ASAP is not how I do things. Please do your project management."
Me (answer I gave): "Dear Client, due to a huge demand for our services we are forced to prioritise. We are doing our best to complete the project as fast as possible. Please understand however that we can not reschedule with 3 days notice. Because of technical requirements the product can be send on Friday next week. Please let us know if this works out for you. - Kind regards. Me. "
-__-""""4 -
Senior manager: I cant understand how this project has taken so long?
Me: Well you hired me as a C# WPF developer and then asked me to deliver an android app without any kind of training so i had to teach myself app development and reverse engineer the undocumented protocol it needs to use to communicate with our product.
Senior manager: Ok. I get that, but it should only take around 3 months to get up to speed though right?
Me (to myself): how in the hell? New platform, self teaching, undocumented protocol for a complex low level real-time system, other responsibilities taking at least 50% of my time and i should be as productive as an outsourced app dev company in 3 months???!! FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!5 -
So they discovered a small tiny bug in a thing anyone last touched about 3 months ago. It has been there for at least 6 months, and JUST NOW someone noticed it. But OF COURSE that bug is important enough to have me drop FUCKING EVERYTHING that I'm doing, despite us being very short on time already!
Fucking hell, if nobody noticed that shitty little crap bug the past 6 months how can it possibly be so important. Good thing I don't have a large wooden mallet nearby.
So thanks so much for having me fix this RIGHT NOW, or rather IN THREE FUCKING HOURS or however it'll take to set up this project's dev environment... absolute horseshit.2 -
Soo much fun working for a cunt as a boss:
B: We getting soo close now, the plane is coming in to land.
Me: Yes, but the engine is busy falling off
B: Well, if we miss the deadline, its only us to blame.
NO YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE CUNT, ITS YOU, ONLY YOU, 100% ENTIRELY YOU YOU SHIT FACED DUCK DICK.
Context:
We are on version 8 of our deadline, which was initially March, our next and final extension ends next Friday, we are this fucked ebcause all he fucking does is make bad descisions and pointless changes, we been telling hims once October to stop making changes if we ever want ot make the deadline.
Directly after he vommited that poes out of his mount he goes on to detail the massive change to the data structure that only needs to be changed as he refused ot listen to the developer when they told him not to do it that way 3 months ago.
How is it even possible that someone this moronic and incompitent can actualyl exist on planet earth. He is not even a flat earther.2 -
@dfox you said there'd be sweatshirts...it's cold as fuck here...I need a sweatshirt
*Insert some witty joke about devs never making deadlines*4 -
*Looks up from his computer and realizes that he has a self-imposed deadline to meet, but has been reading articles on "How to defeat procrastination" for the last hour.2
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There are three things in my workflow that I don't like:
1. Feature requests appearing out of thin air.
It's common to be handled work at 2pm that needs to be deployed by the end of day. Usually it's bug fixes, and that's ok I guess, but sometimes it's brand new features. How the fuck am I supposed to do a good job in such a short time? I don't even have time to wrap my head around the details and I'm expected to implement it, test it, make sure it doesn't break anything and make it pass through code review? With still time to deploy and make sure it's ok? In a few hours? I'm not fucking superman!
2. Not being asked about estimates.
Everything is handed to me with a fixed deadline, usually pulled off my PM's ass, who has no frontend experience. "You have two weeks to make this website." "You must have this done this by tomorrow morning." The result, of course, is rushed code that was barely tested (by hand, no time for unit or integration tests).
3. Being the last part of the product development process.
Being the last part means that our deadlines are the most strict. If we don't meet the deadline, the client will be pissed. The thing is, the design part is usually the one that exceeds its time (because clients keep asking for changes). So when the project lands on our desks it's already delayed and we have to rush it.
This all sounds too much like bad planning to me. I guess it's the result of not doing scrum. There are no sprints, no planning meetings, only weekly status update meetings. Are your jobs similar? Is it just usual "agency work"?
I'm so tired of the constant pressure and having to rush my work. Oh, and the worst part is we don't have time for anything else. We're still stuck with webpack 2 because we never have time to update it ffs.6 -
TL;DR Client managing their own ticket is never a good idea.
So my client got access to their own ticketing system. Now instead of going the usual route, they assign the tickets directly. Sometimes going as far as editing the tickets themselves.
But the biggest issue has been the Estimated Resolution Time. This is what happened when I asked about it.
Me: So I noticed that you started including an estimated time of completion.
Client: Yeah, it's an internal thing to help us identify when things will be done and where to focus our attention.
Me: Ok, and what is this time based on? (How do you, a non-dev, can decide how long it should take?)
Client: Oh don't worry it's just an internal thing. You won't be measured against it.
Me: (Sure) Alright, I'm just letting you know that I will be changing these as necessary.
I basically ignored the conversation after this. But the fucker still gives me absurd deadlines. Seriously, what makes managers think they know how long a development should take?3 -
Just when you think you had seen all the GDPR emails and this whole spam fest was over but no... not at all, some asshole has to be late to the party.
2 -
Unrealistic deadlines, incompetent managers and most importantly lack of motivation in a soul sapping demoralising environment.
5 -
pm: why this things are getting late in development.
me: no, I'm not late, on track, this will be done by end of the next week.
pm: but my estimation was for today EOD.
me: you never asked me for the estimation..
pm: we are here for that.
me: then do this yourself..*asshole* -
When your company doesn't offer free coffee and yet they still can't understand why all their deadlines run late.2
-
New dev: I need help with this issue. I've been debugging it all day.
*2 hours later*
Me: spent a while debugging it, eventually came across a stack overflow post that says you can't do that.
New dev: oh I saw that earlier, didn't think it applied.
Me: ... why ... accepted answer "It is not possible to do this, this way".
New dev: hhhmm, ok
... get the fuck out of this building immediately.3 -
Marketing pushed deadline for release one week earlier. That sucks.
What sucks even more is that frontend was not ready, but our frontend guy promised to take a look over the weekend and finish it. Thats cool we might make.
What sucks is that he fixed one small issue on Sunday 9PM and left the whole thing unusable.
So guess who was googling till 4am how to do stuff in bloody javascript?
In the end, I beleive I did a decent job and we ca release some kind of alpha and get rid of my dirty hacks later. That's how you get technical debt.
Now lets see what my boss thinks about it and if we are really going to release it or if I'm going to kill somebody.6 -
Had a nightmare last night that I had to give up dev and go back to managing a supermarket. Think this deadline is starting to get to me.2
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I will never understand why and how my manager is able to commit deadlines with clients without having a meeting with our software development team and then he tells us to develop the features in those unrealistic deadlines.11
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devRant should place an explicit notice upon registration:
"devRant cannot be held responsible for proctrastination when you have pressing deadlines :D"
and every 20 minutes a popup saying "get back to work! it's been a while"1 -
I work slow and my work is delayed all because you keep on changing the design and the UX, adding more features and yet keeping the same deadline
-
no matter how late you stay up working on a project (4-5am), you know you still have to wake up with a broken body to get to work5
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!rant
That great moment when you can just write your code with nobody rushing you and no deadlines
8 -
Wish me luck. I HAVE to launch 10 websites (yes, ten) this week and half if not all of the clients don't know their DNS accounts or log ins. I foresee a lot of long nights in my near future. Story of our life, right?5
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I had spent the last year working on a online store power by woocommerce with over 100k products from various suppliers. This online store utilized a custom API that would take the various formats that suppliers offer their inventory in and made them consistent. Now everything was going swimmingly initially, but then I began adding more and more products using a plug-in called WP all import. I reached around 100k products and the site would take up to an entire minute to load sometimes timing out. I got desperate so I installed several caching plugins, but to no avail this did not help me. The site was originally only supposed to take three to four months but ended up taking an entire year. Then, just yesterday I found out what went wrong and why this woocommerce website with all of these optimizations was still taking anywhere from 60 to 90 seconds to load, or just timing out entirely. I had initially thought that I needed a beefier server so I moved it to a high CPU digitalocean VM. While this did help a little bit, the site was still very slow and now I had very high CPU usage RAM usage and high disk IO. I was seriously stumped the Apache process was using a high amount of CPU and IO along with MYSQL as well. It wasn't until I started digging deeper into the database that I actually found out what the issue was. As I was loading the site I would run 'show process list' in the SQL terminal, I began to notice a very significant load time for one of the tables, so I went to go and check it out. What I did was I ran a select all query on that particular table just to see how full it was and SQL returned a error saying that I had exceeded the maximum packet size. So I was like okay what the fuck...
So I exited my SQL and re-entered it this time with a higher packet size. I ran a query that would count how many rows were in this particular table and the number came out to being in the millions. I was surprised, and what's worse is that this table belong to a plugin that I had attempted to use early in the development process to cache the site. The plugin was deactivated but apparently it had left PHP files within the wp content directory outside of the actual plugin directory, so it's still executing scripts even though the plugin itself was disabled. Basically every time I would change anything on the site, it would recache the whole thing, and it didn't delete any old records. So 100k+ products caching on saves with no garbage collection... You do the math, it's gonna be a heavy ass database. Not only that but it was serialized data, so when it did pull this metric shit ton of spaghetti from the database, PHP then had to deserialize it. Hence the high ass CPU load. I had caching enabled on the MySQL end of things so that ate the ram. I was really desperate to get this thing running.
Honest to God the main reason why this website took so long was because the load times made it miserable to work on. I just thought that the hardware that I had the site on was inadequate. I had initially started the development on a small Linux VM which apparently wasn't enough, which is why I moved it to digitalocean which also seemed to not be enough, so from there I moved to a dedicated server which still didn't seem to be enough. I was probably a few more 60-second wait times or timeouts from recommending a server cluster to my client who I know would not be willing to purchase it. The client who I promised this site to have completed in 3 months and has waited a year. Seriously, I would tell people the struggles that I would go through with this particular site and they would just tell me to just drop the site; just take the money, just take the loss. I refused to, this was really the only thing that was kicking my ass. I present myself as this high-and-mighty developer like I'm just really good at what I do but then I have this WordPress site that's just beating the shit out of me for a year. It was a very big learning experience and it was also very humbling as well, it made me realize that I really don't know as much as I think I might. It was evidence that there is still so much more to learn out there, I did learn a lot from that experience especially about optimizing websites the different types of methods to do that particular lonely on the server side and I'll be able to utilize this knowledge in the future.
I guess the moral of the story is, never really give up. Ultimately things might get so bad that you're running on hopes and dreams. Those experiences are generally the most humbling. Now I can finally present the site that I am basically a year late on to the client who will be so happy that I did not give up on the project entirely. I'll have experienced this feeling of pure euphoria, and help the small business significantly grow their revenue. Helping others is very fulfilling for me, even at my own expense.
Anyways, gonna stop ranting. Running out of characters. If you're still here... Ty for reading :')9 -
Boss to client on phone: 'We'll get something to you around the middle of the week'
Boss to me (noticing my panicked look): 'Late Thursday or early Friday is the middle of the week if you count the weekend'3 -
Is it normal for your boss to sell a product when it is only half completed and pick arbitrary deadlines to demo it to potential clients?13
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Fucking non technical managers and their shitty clients to whom they suck their tiny weiners need to realise that I cannot reorder elements every 10 minutes to the shape of their fart comming out of their ass, test it, deploy it, trigger webhook, clear cloudflare cache, and meanwhile be sure that it's written in quality manner for future upkeep with commits that have sense.Hope deadline driven development dies in hell where it belongs
-
2 day national holiday and i thought to myself "aaaah finally i can make up for the deadlines which im behind on!"
*spends the entir day procrastinating*3 -
My cat is preventing me from finishing some last lines of code for a school project...
She even is even worse then some clients I had in the past....
AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH
9 -
My new favourite quote...
"I can't be the only one worried about the deadline"
By boss speakign ot my team who is expected to deliver 6-8 months worth of work in 5 weeks time...
Too bad he does not know he IS the only one worried, when you going to miss a deadline by that much when you never agreed to it in the first place, have not seen a single API and the scope is still actively changing and lets not forget we have no DevOps yet...
why the fuck would you worry...1 -
Haven't slept a single bit since last night. It's 7 in the morning now but the deadline is 10:40.
Wish me luck. Super tired right now...2 -
Only developer for my company. Unbelievable deadlines. Boss always coaches me to delegate work. To who?!8
-
-Management puts unrealistic deadline as usual-
_Tries his best but fails to deliver on time_
*Puts a clearly visible bug in code*
~Tester finds it and creates a issue~
*Solves the issue, wraps up the remaining things and closes the issue*
**Wakes up from dream, cuz he is the tester as well** -
Work out the major requirements,
Identify platform(s) and environment best suited to project,
Design and develop around core features,
Allow 6-12 weeks for scope creep and the additional BS features,
Build, test and deploy in a week or two to meet unattainable deadlines.
Spend new couple of months refactoring and fixing everything. -
When you miss a deadline you knew you were going to miss since the beginning of the project.
Feels good!1 -
Client: How long will it take you to build this?
Me: Maximum of 7days
Day 1 to Day 5, To myself: I have so much time, lemme build a Js engine in Rust and open-source it. It shouldn't take that long.
Day 6, After many failed attempts at debugging RegExp:
Starts working on the client's product, scraps off sleeping hour (why do I sleep in the first place)
Day 7: At 23:59...calls clients, he doesn't answer, probably sleeping... Sends message "Product ready to be tested at your call, I've not slept in 7 straight days because I like you"4 -
Company has poor branding / little to no targeted marketing efforts
Builds marketing Dept
Team starts the process of rebranding
Complete website overhaul suggested and approved with a launchdate of January 1st 2019
Be me. The only web developer. Building essentially 3 complete sites in 3 ~ 4 months but the design hasn't been started nor content created. And you know the represented departments will want to nit pick at the design for like 2 weeks. I'm gonna have a stressful rest of the year.1 -
I told my boss the project would take one month, he went to tell the stakeholders it would take one week and I didn't know. Three days to the end of the one week, I meet one stakeholder and he asks, have you started testing? 😭😭 #wk1
-
Client: Can you give me an estimate of how long this change will take?
Me: (meets with other devs for a good estimate, around 2.5 weeks, and gives to client)
Client: Great. Oh by the way we have a one week deadline.1 -
Product manager calls me at 7 PM. "There's gonna be a slight change in the module. You can reuse lot of existing code and I'm sure it won't take much for you to finish. "
Me: Okay, let me take a look at it tomorrow morning.
The next day I saw the spec change.
One and half weeks later, I'm still doing the change.
#FML2 -
We are forced to work on weekends because the management and the project manager loves to kiss the ass of our clients. I was even scolded by working from home.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO SUFFER AND SHOULDER THEIR INCOMPETENCE IN MANAGING THIS FUCKING PROJECT.
Damnit. God Damnit.5 -
And here's that app.css single file that my predecessor left for entire project. It's the second work he left a treat for me.
Kill me please.
Btw the code looks like it's been written by a second grade kid...
4 -
Aaaarrrrgghhhhhhhhh
Out of all the days,
My laptop is lagging today, when I need to things to be done.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
PS. It's so slow, that I ended up searching a meme too.
2 -
!Rant
Wrote a crawler and now has 18 million records in the queue. About 500.000 files with metadata.
1 month until deadline and we have to do shit many things.
Now we discover we have a flaw in our crawler ( I don't see it as a bug ).. We don't know how much metadata we missed, but now we have to write a script that scrapes every webpage that we've already visited and get that metadata..
What's the flaw you ask? Some people find it funny to put capital letters in their attribute names.. *kuch* Microsoft.com!! *kuch*
And what didn't we do? We didn't lower case each entire webpage and then, only then, search the webpage for data..5 -
Fucking nasal allergy. I always get sick when the deadline is near. My deadline is tomorrow end of shift so I decided to finish it today just in case shit happens (as always) hours before the deadline. It started with a few mild sniffles two hours before my shift ended and turned into earth-shattering sneezes so I had to go home.
I have 400+ lines of code to sort out tomorrow and probably add a few more lines for some new requirements. Benadryl, antidepressant, and antipsychotic cocktail tonight. I hope I still manage to wake up early tomorrow.
Good luck to me.7 -
PM pushed me to finish all of my tasks last friday because he told me we have a demo with the client this week. He even asked me to OT.
It is already fucking thursday and I am still waiting. I haven't heard any updates from our PM.
I feel pissed because I did my task crudely due to "imaginary deadlines" imposed by this son of a bitch PM. I could have written a better code if I have this week as the deadline instead.1 -
Battling impossible project deadlines and maintaining a work life balance. Estimating projects properly.1
-
Only in a parallel universe would a boss be understanding about coding and realistic about deadlines2
-
Working hard to meet crazy deadline to finish last update before new product announcement to make it look better. Our CEO blabs about new top secret product at some conference throwing away all marketing efforts up to date and putting marketing team into panic mode. Result? They moved the announcement date without discussing it with development. Result? Our efforts and overtimes wasted and we are announcing product before it is ready. End result? I'm pissed so I wrote angry e-mail to our CEO. Wondering what will happen now :-) But with unfinished announced product and crazy deadlines they need me a lot more than I need them.
-
I just got my first full time job as a junior front end developer just because they didn't have any other option (I was last on their list).
Should I be happy or sad about it?14 -
Deadline approaching. Gotta stop reading in office and slog my ass off for next 6 days. Damn life's a bitch. I made that bitch, a bitch.
-
Colleagues at my part-time job:
"You study programming right? Amazing we've got this great app idea, we'd love to see a finished product in 2 months"
Me: "..."3 -
The day we had to have an app ready for an upcoming demo. Management said everything needed to be done by the end of the day. My change was done, but was dependant on another change being merged first. I had been in the office since 8am. It didnt get merged until 5pm. I was in the office until 8pm trying to fix the insane merge conflicts. In the end i gave up and went home. The next day we discovered that the "deadline" was made up anyway so we still had time. I wanted to flip every single table in that office.1
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Last week I received an invitation to lead the development of a e-commerce redesign, replatforming and data migration. I was excited to work on it, and started the analysis and planning, glad to spend time focusing on quality. But Murphy's law is never asleep - this Monday, I was asked to speed things up and reduce a 4 month project to 1 week.
-
I hate tight deadlines, I'm frustrated, can't sleep, feels like I'm chained to the desk..
Up until I remember doing a 2 months work in a single friggin week, it's a one poisoned chalice 😓
1 -
My teacher called me to the University that is a mile away from my dorm room at 10 am in the morning jsut to tell me that i have a spelling mistake on the website.
Dude a screenshot would have been fine 😑1 -
Instead of using MVC framework (like Angular), my predecessor preferred typing all the data the hard way.... The number of lines were like 2000 (in html...)
4 -
Tuesday: 10 hour day. Wednesday: 12 hour day. Today: 14 hour day. I refuse to let tomorrow go beyond 8 or someone is getting yelled at. So tied.1
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Me: "when do you need this for?"
Them: "yesterday!hahahahahahhah"
Me: " :| Never heard that one before"1 -
I’ve got to build an app in 3 weeks that handles basic image editing and async requests. It’s gotta support both iOS and Android.
It’s also gotta scan barcodes.
What should I use?
Cordova?
Cordova+ionic?
Titanium?
Xamarin?
Dart/flutter?
Try and cram it through in native java/Kotlin and swift?
Something I’m missing?7 -
I was given 6 whole months to rewrite some old monolithic web app exactly 5 months ago today. Now I have to show my boss the progress I've made. How do I explain him that I wasted my time in this order:
1.- heavy procrastination
2.- try new frameworks to work with, pick one, start writing the app, regret and start over again using a different framework.
3.- devrant
4.- existencial crisis and self doubt.
Now all I have are a bunch of incomplete buggy modules and a mental breakdown.8 -
COMMENTS BE LIKE...
Physics exam. Seems I was the special guy who did the task in a different (and almost correct way), so my teacher had to share some golden thoughts with me.
Passed anyway xD
6 -
[!dev]Got a random recruiter email looking for an associate non-Dev role at Amazon. Reading it out of boredom, when I hit red flags.
Candidate will meet aggressive deadlines for "high priority deliverables" while "working autonomously". Sounds like a recipe for failure. Maybe even disaster.
If Amazon's factory floor horror stories are anything to go by, I'm willing to nope out on this. Can't imagine the level of prescreening BS I'll encounter.
I remember going to associate training to work in an Apple store. It was full of "sideways talk". Felt like I was going to join a cult. Noped out on that, too.
Folks, always read between the lines, then get a second pair of eyes on said lines.1 -
That moment you realise you have to quit that feature you've been working on because the due date is around the corner😣😠
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The good me: Comment everywhere, separation of concerns and DRY KISS.
The bad me: Ain't got time for that, it's the end result that matters. -
never before have I been happy to be asked to work overtime, but for once, fuck yeah...
Bit of back story, I am tech lead on a massive project that has been run like a complete shit show, the PM who also happens to be the brains behind the project seems to think we are miracle workers and for the first 9/10 months of the project would make significant, like delete a weeks worth of code and start over changes, 3-5 times per week. There are features for the v1 release that have been built in excess of 5 times. I have been saying since October that even without all his constant changes, we will NOT make the deadline, and naturally as is part of my job I argued against every unnecessary feature he tried to implement, eventually he pulled me into a meeting to tell me how much he values my opinion, I need to stop arguing with him and he does not want to work with yes men (I have a rant about that convo already).
I believe our CEO finally started smelling a rat as he insisted on joining our daily stand-ups, during which said PM scripted some lovely stories to disguise the fuckup we are in, and since has assigned another PM to take over and do proper project management and risk analysis.
That is where the email comes in, a lot of the work assigned to me will miss the deadline by a month, honestly I am impressed that it is by so little and so few people will not be missing it, but anyway, he probably spun a few stories there too.
So I spent part of the work compiling the most perfect surgical response as not not actively throw him under the bu, but create a quite a few questions that they hopefully as, as himself and the CEO where cc'd into the mail.
And the jist is, the deadline itself was still impossible and 8 of the 10 tasks assigned to be have ZERO back-end whatsoever, and those tasks are about 80/90% integration to said non-existent back-end, some of those services and data structures have not even been planned yet and we are a week past the deadline and 3 weeks from the just as useless extension. -
while (UniStudent == True)
{
*Spends Hours In Uni Lab
*Can't figure out Solution
*Return home To sleep
*Realsies solution as falling asleep
*Returns to Lab
}4 -
So our sales rep got this email from some random dude yesterday (jan 12) saying he wants a simple webpage with a video background and some shit and that it's upmost important that it's done by jan 21.
Ignoring the fact that we are busy af, i thought well yeah it's doable. A simple onepager with some nice elements and some shit, ez pz.
In the email he also sent a link to a website simmilar to what he wants (as an example i presume) and it turned out to be a fully functional blog, a medium sized webshop (by the looks of it) and a whole lot of other stuff.
He didn't state a budget but seeing his demands I'd say his budget isn't much more than a couple of hundred €.2 -
I gave a 2 day estimate to the managers once, and a 10 minute estimate to my peers.
The server side code went smoothly. Couple of minutes, done.
Then I remembered the front end was written under a tight deadline....
Imagine controlling state with jquery, except the state is in html slightly differently to hints in javascript, and there are 7 points of state control, and they have to be triggered in the right order because a few of them depend on everything else, and if you change the wrong line the computer starts pouring smoke everywhere and WHY THE HELL DID I NOT REWRITE IT!1 -
Software project in technical college:
Expectation: Ok guys, we have about one month to finish our project. We have a lot of stuff to do, so let's start right away.
Reality: So we have one more day until the project needs be submitted. Hmmm... I guess we're going to start by tomorrow. -
I have so much work to get done I don't even know where to start anymore. I've got 6 sites in development, 20 sites with continuing maintenance, and I'm in charge of everything IT in my office.
Today I asked if the other developer on our team could help out and take a few maintenance clients off my hands so I could work on getting builds done.
We called a team meeting where I explained my workload and pointed out that in order to make the deadline of next week on two of these builds our other developer is going to have to help out with some of the work on my plate.
Other dev: Well I've already got 3 sites that still need maintenance this month and I'm still working on $client site.
Me: Ok well today is only the 3rd so you have all month to do the maintenance on those sites, these two have to be online next week and I still have 100 hours of work to do between the two of them.
Me to CTO: can I get some backup here? Or can we hire me a monkey (my term for interns) for a couple weeks so I can focus on building?
CTO: We'll have to talk about that at our meeting next week. In the mean time, just do what you can to get the sites done and let me know if you think we aren't going to make the deadlines.
Me: That's what this conversation is, I'm telling you now, and I've been telling you for 3 weeks that we were getting close to my limit for my workload. We have approximately 175 work hours in a month, maintenance contracts alone accounts for 120 of those hours.
CTO: Alright, well if after Monday you don't think you're going to make the deadline (Thursday), then we'll see if we can find a solution.
Fuck this shit, I get paid the same whether the client is happy or not, I get paid the same whether we reach the deadline or not. I asked that salespeople stop making deadline promises before developers get to look at the scope but that's not the way we do things here. At least one of these sites is not going to be online Thursday, probably both.2 -
Everyone around me is running like crazy to deliver a project on time (the day after tomorrow) and I am sitting quietly trying to reply an e-mail of my project manager in french...
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Hmm... Okay crazy deadlines. We hacked together a really makeshift application to handle streaming content to end users. The proof of concept was demonstrated to a partner company on a Wednesday. They said they wanted it on Saturday. Our CTO agreed. We didn't sleep.2
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Being Ill and a dev is the worst... Not being able to think straight and focus for more then 2seconds really kills any sort of work you can do5
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I work really well under pressure.
Sometimes I'll be really lazy on a project until the deadlines get tight and I need to go into overdrive.1 -
"agile" teams, changing scope, unrealistic deadlines, non-tech PMs...
So much fits into this category.2 -
That feeling when at the last minute, after an interview they decided to reject your application 😢4
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Setting the deadlines according to the hours I actually think it's going to take to finish a project1
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I work at a small company (less than 10 developers). We tried to do code review but all of our projects are "work for hire" for our clients and we always have deadlines. Code review step always had the least priority and whenever the deadline gets closer, we would stop doing code review all together.
Finally we are starting our own projects and we are planning on hiring more developers and interns. I think code review will have a higher priority now.1 -
It is really frustrating when you have deadlines to meet,and need to fix issues with the tools instead of actively produce something. A whole day lost.4
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During my first hackathon I teamed up with some strangers. We decided to create some games by expanding reality with virtual element (sounds mysteriously and maybe even ominously, but it's not). So here we go - one of them started building android app, the second guy started building window app in C++ and the last one of them decided to create something in JavaScript. It was fun, but I wasn't prepared and so much educated, so after some trials that ended poorly, the only thing I did was the wooden construction that was supposed to hold our tablet up so it could shoot photos recursively. I almost died of boredom for the remaining time.
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Unfeasible deadlines eat motivation.
I'm wondering how many such deadlines it needs until I'm incapable of doing anything.2 -
Development planning:
Expectation:
Gather the requirements then estimate the deadline.
What are clients did:
Here is the deadline, then here are the requirements that we must squeeze into it.1 -
Inherited a trainwreck of a site with multiple CSS files. The deadline for changes was BS. No time to remove unused rules, so I left a sorry note for the next dev.3
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when a client agrees on a 23 working day timeline, two days after contract signature emails you they need it in 4 days and that it's a matter f life and death! :@3
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It sucks big time when you've put in days and nights on a particular project and later face flak for not delivering it on time. What can I do that it took time 🤷🏾♂️
I did not purposely intend to lose business hours, I only want to do my work properly with the full (or atleast some) knowledge of what I'm doing !
Guess I just had a Bad day 😅9 -
3 weeks till deadline... Gonna be hard. Get in find emails from PM, boss and his boss, deadline moved deadline today... Ffs.1
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My last week of 2017 sucks! The function that been assigned to me has been 7 months until i doing it without any priority tasks. The bad for this, is becoming worse for the clients and they really want it until the end of 2017, so happy new year motherfuckers.
Here's the story, the function i am doing requires a heavy calculations, and i am no brainer in math, though my logical skills, hopes me up to made it quickly as possible. However i am full of workloads/to-do for the past 3 months, that i am unable to comply my documents regarding my employment!!
Much worse for this is the coding guidelines. There no fucking guidelines at all, like do what i want just to make it work, but my team lead ironically speaking that never touch that because it's already working. Dude, the server response was the real issue there and i was supposed to handle that function because your fucking json was not formatted well! Shout out to git for giving me a saving grace not to fire me.
Lastly, the leader's attitude. You're so sarcastic as fuck! Of course i won't get mad at you on personal matters, i understand. But on work, the way you communicate was not like my any mentor/prof that i ever met!! I hate my fucking work. Hope my 2018 would do my best, AND I AM GONNA MAKE MY OWN GUIDELINES ACCORDING TO YOUR ASSES!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, GODDAMNIT!! -
I have my first real deadline at a company. Yesterday. I hate deadlines :( At university I only affect me when missing deadlines. At a company, the whole teams gets affected.4
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Reading 'The Practicing Mind' by Thomas Sterner right now. Must read for devs with stress and deadlines :)
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So today we had a pre-sprint-planning meeting where the POs told us about the stories currently in the backlog. They went ahead and "roughly prioritised" some of them. Their priorities were:
- normal (but asap please)
- has to be done this sprint, because the feature has to be in the next release (code freeze after this sprint)
- top priority, because this has to be in the previous release (which was released last friday)
The non-normal stories alone are about twice our normal velocity. Good job guys. Good job. -
Told client in review meeting with missing PM (vacation) that the live release of their new website for the end of may is very optimistic and we probably should target a later date due to more change and feature requests.
1.5 weeks pass and the clients sends updated requests and also their new launch date: 18th if May.
Yeah sure also write your emails to the PM that is on vacation - like you’ve been informed of several times.
When deadlines get even shorter, I really envy not-agency people.2 -
I saw one of my coworkers do a multi step bus ticket purchase in one file (we use angular 4) instead of using components he just hide and show the sections, resulting in a class that have about 2000 lines of code, unused variables, unused functions o just functions that console.log something, and many many lines of declaring variables. I tried to fix that, but this crazy deadlines were fucking with me3
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It's been a little bit over two weeks since I quit my first job, thought I would share some stories 😁
I started my very first job in the middle of August (last year) and my duties were to fix some issues on front-end files. You can see my previous rants to see how long were these files 😐
So after 2/3 months I managed to get my shit done, started learning Vue on my own to implement it to new projects (and done it successfully) and learn something about shitty clients who don't know how to live and don't know what do they want.
When I quit the job on the last day of April, I was so happy to end it mostly due to this one specific client who were able to turn happy innocent coding of a great project into hellish shit. Plus there were some issues I noticed with some people I worked with (like they were sending these sexist memes which weren't funny at all 🙄)
TL;DR if you feel that your job post is not for you or that is doesn't make you feel happy or comfortable, don't be afraid to walk away. I did and I don't regret it 😉 -
So Thursday our first beta client is supposed to go live. Tomorrow there is a team meeting to discuss the status. Team lead wasn't in at work last Thursday and Friday and gave me his work to finish, which I need to proceed with mine. I hardly made progress on it. So now I have to tell him about that tomorrow. And I'm dreading it so hard. More so because for some reason HR/support sits in on our meetings and will be on my ass again I'm not meeting deadlines. I did say last week it looked like it wouldn't be done in time but I was told it just needs to happen because the release date was already announced. So yeah the coming week is going to suck. And I'm on leave myself this coming Friday so I expect people to explode. I know I should just stop caring and get on with job searching but the whole injustice of being set up for failure by others and then being blamed really makes me mad.3
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Soo, lets talk about deadlines and how often I come in trouble when there is one near. This week I have (had) three. So I had a lot of problems this week.
But, after all today was a really good day.
I deleted an production database, fucked up my laravel migrations and tomorrow we have to deploy another application. The app is still in development and the site isn´t finished yet.
Friday I need to launch another webapplication. Because I don't want to deploy webapps and apps on friday and I go snowboarding next week, I somehow convinced my client to launch it next week. He agreed with me, so that's a burden off my shoulder. And I'll have an extra day for fixing the last bugs.
Today I worked really hard and almost finished the last application. So I think after all I'll somehow manage it.1 -
My top lesson was realizing that I am a stubborn person, and that I was wrong to keep trying to implement unimplemented features past a deadline and that I need to understand when to give up. I also learned that I can't trust others to finish their part of something I start. There is nothing like seeing the entire backend you wrote be gutted by someone else because they "needed to learn how route handlers work by creating it themselves" and then seeing them not complete said route handlers.
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That moment when you spend your whole night building something to look like a website skeleton in CSS bootstrap so that your colleague who supervises it tells you that it needs to be revamped...1
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Genuine problem, not a rant
Started a new frontend developer/designer/graphic designer job recently. I feel technically capable, no problem there. Just noticing a pattern of repeatedly missing deadlines.
Its a very busy office, with various people all coming to me with things they need me to do. Never worked in an environment so busy before.
Doesn't help that they force me to manage my tasks by spreadsheets, communication by email, deployment by filezilla and no version control, but not convinced I'd still meet deadlines if I had a better setup.3 -
All of my programming knowledge (more like 95% of it) have been gathered by myself. I've started learning during secondary school - the basics everyone has to go through. But it was so awesome that I wanted more. So I've started digging through vast space of internets and books only to find that I know very little. I've had help in the university and high school (the other 5%), but it wasn't enough.
The best thing is - the feeling has never worn off. And I still want more, because it feels like learning magic - the only difference is magic doesn't exist 😃 -
Recently I've noticed that a lot of projects that I get assigned to have some ridiculous timelines/deadlines whilst other projects seem to have all the time in the world. Why can't I ever have that kind of breathing space?
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Hey, glad you are here (10 am), you know that we got new prototypes with those various changes? We need to send one to CEO in hour and half, he wants to show off at some event, can you make it?
Well that's the way to start a day... -
Stuck finishing an over budget project tonight because the deadline got pushed forward... Does anybody else out there feel my pain?1
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Tfw the contractors in India are striking but you have a deadline to meet so the PM dumps all their work onto you even though you were already rushing to meet a different deadline.2
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Gonna miss a deadline. Not sure if the fact that I'm insisting on writing unit tests, or the fact that I wrote only 4, is sadder.
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I once wrote some files for a small game I was developing in C at 6am to turn in, problem was it was mainly built in Java as per directions.2
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When my boss can't figure out how to fix something, he'll tell me to do it. It's annoying because he "works" on the issue for months and by the time I get it, I only have a few hours until I get off work but he needs it done by the end of the day
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Rushing to get a feature completed for a client presentation tomorrow has turned my Sass sheets into a nightmarish hellhole of classes, nesting, and questionable specificity. This is taking a huge liberty with "if it works, ship it."
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For those of you that don't know what "Hofstadter's law" look it up it's perfect, and the best reason to tell a client double the amount of time it should take!
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I wished to not procrastinate
God gave me a life so busy I don't have time to.
(3 internship deadlines in 10 days, 2 colg project deadlines and 2 hackathons next week)5 -
We regularly have deadlines set before they've worked out anything about what's in the release, and business takes their time, so we're literally told "we don't know what business is going to want, but we have to start coding now to meet the deadline"
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Unrealistic deadlines, and my dev environment is lagging so bad I can barely type. I can't work like this!
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When your manager moves the deadline of your project from the end of the year, to the end of October.2
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Have to work over the weekend because the marketing department 4 weeks behind schedule on a task I need in order to finish mine. They just finished today (Friday). My deadline is on Monday. 😭 No sleep for me.
The weekend overtime pays pretty good though 🤔 -
What do you do when your team ignores you but they're needed because it's to clean up/change their shit?
Lately it seems I get a lot of issues and they are all caused/created by monkeys...
I now feel so unmotivated I think I'm gonna work from home for the rest of the week....1 -
Probably either writing the occasional lazy commit message, or skipping a few testing scenarios when testing dev work locally. Although to be honest, its rarely out of laziness that I do these things. Its often trying to urgently finish something for a weekend release/hotfix.
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I'm learning new technologies! Last time I finished Android course, now I'm going to learn a bit more about MEAN 😄 it's so exciting finding new perspectives of programming 😊4
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I'm working on a pretty big dataviz project. There was supposed to be a deadline at the end of the month for a first full demo.
This morning I wake up to an email from the client saying the deadline moved to next Monday and they just "forgot to tell me before".
Also, the dev from the client's company who is supposed to prepare the data/API to be used for the project said he'll be able to send something at the end of the week.
They're clearly not going to get what they want for Monday...2 -
I'd heard about Project Managers being overpromising and dishing out short deadlines but we just got one dumped on us by a fellow developer for something our startup and theirs agreed to work on...
We gotta remake two fully function admin dashboards and the company's app on top of having our own startup shit to work on.
Kill me. -
Recently I had the "pleasure" to participate in a recruitment process for a web developer internship position.
First of all, a nice lady calls me to confirm everything and sets up a meeting. She mentions about a qualification test and gives me several technologies like python, c#. I was confused but we explained everything and she knew I was not interested in these technologies since I didn't apply for python or c# dev.
Later on I go to their company building to take the test. I get the test, I overview all tasks - 80% of the test was composed of OOP and C#. OOP - this I can understand but fucking C#? Seriously wtf? I wrote the test the way I was able to do it and at the end the guy says it was deliberate to put other technologies so that he could check how would we find ourselves in a situation like this.
Honestly, I felt like the whole process was a big joke for them. I wasted time going there just to see that I'm taking the test that includes the things posted in the job offer only in 20%.
Fuck them. -
I was just tasked with building a full e-commerce site in a week...so they want me to just put PrestaShop on a site and buy a template? Cause that’s now what I do I actually build my stuff from scratch and sorry but it’s gonna take a little more than a week.
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Last week of the school project, I'm one of the few programmers. All of a sudden the floodgates open and everyone needs help. Where were they when I had all the time in the world?
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So for the current project, they want to start testing the application from Monday next week and the development part section still has a few bugs that need to be handled. But that isn't the worst part. The worst part I just heard is that the designs themselves haven't even been signed off. How the fuck did we get to the point where the designs haven't been signed off where the development has been going underway for the past 2.5 months? I swear I'm working with the fucking worst project manager!
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Friday morning's meeting:
CTO: Ok guys, deadline is next Friday so today we close the last big issues and next week no more new features, only bug fixing.
Monday morning's meeting:
Business: So here is the new mock-up for the search feature (basically they changed the whole behavior).
😐1 -
deadlines and digitalocean can suck my kiss. if deadlines are made by not talking to developer and digitalocean with its ssh stuff. figuring that out for 2-3 hours with new keys resetting passwords online console. then switched to freaking heroku, was up in 5 minutes
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People selling and buying $30k projects and wondering why the site/application is so simple and shitty.
How about realizing things take time and you, the client, are a core part in the implementation team. You are bound by deadlines as well.
Don't you come knocking on our door demanding explanations when you can't produce materials on an agreed upon deadline. -
@dfox @trogus do you have any plans for adding chat with other plp around here or link to external portal profiles? I'd like to send a private message to one of them but I can't 😐
Btw I know it's hard to maintain something like that in a database since it takes much space but I wanted to ask anyway 😉15 -
We need to go live by this month 10.
Yep, infra is ready in production. You can push the events and see the results right away.
PM: Wow, great. Setup staging we need to test it.
Me: FML, staging machines are smaller, can't even start the program.1 -
So, if anyone remembers my previous rants (or otherwise), the app I'm working on is finally going to release. We release in about a week and a half, despite having at minimum 10 days work + testing (not including all testing of aws migration that we still haven't fully completed) to even have an MVP.
This is all because the clients have been pushing a release date (16th July) in marketing. Oh, and the icing on the cake? Our boss agreed for a submission to app stores (back-end pending) on Friday (yes, in like 3 days) instead of the agreed next Wednesday date.
Side note: the client is coming over to our office for Thursday and Friday. Why? We are unsure. -
New laptop. HP z book. It stopped working so I had to have a new motherboard. After the new motherboard I kept getting BSOD. Got it upgraded to Win 10 (it was supposed to be runing this not 7). Still getting BSOD with the bonus of black screens wanting me to restore. Even better I've gotten No OS found on boot. My work won't let me have a Mac or exchange my laptop. But am I done yet? Fuck you.12
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I love maths so much, but I am at the verge of suicide due to differential equations right now...
Wish I could code something 😟2 -
Read, think about the problem, ponder some more and procrastinate.
Deadlines are my best productivity hack. -
Just got messaged by my superior that one of the stores went down so we we're launching our custom one today. That's great considering that there is enough work in there to last us for 3 months and it cannot be avoided since we've already been pushing for the most M of the MVPs
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I hate it when I'm knee deep in projects that need to be done before the new CI strategy starts two avoid a three week long full test every two weeks and then my dear boss comes up with having me do the planning for the next testphase while my coworker is scrolling through 9gag. I mean, sorry old man but either I automate this monstrosity of thirty million layers of 'naturally grown', ill documented, identifier lackimg piece of shit or I can do the fucking schedule. My mother isn't an octopus, i've got only two arms...
Tl;dr: Why do non programmers always heavily underestimate the time shit needs to get done? -
Creating a new class to help implement a new feature. Start with my tests (going full TDD).
Feature gets more urgency given to it, write slightly less tests as deadline approaches (half TDD).
Out of time, any future tests are burnt (no TDD) as I frantically wrap up the class with not even the time to write down a plan, it's live coding at this point.
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