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Search - "buzzword"
"cloud" -> someones computer
"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data
"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else
"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why
"secure" -> https://
"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie
"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk
"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups
"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it37
Buzzword dictionary to deal with annoying clients:
Dark web—Onion service
Data science—statistics done by nonstatisticians
Before an interview prepare a list of questions for them, they expect it!
My list to give inspiration:
Describe your company culture? - if the response is buzzword heavy, avoid.
What’s the oldest technology still in use? - all companies have legacy systems but some are worse than others
Describe your agile process? - a few companies I’ve interviewed with said they are agile but it’s actually kanban
Are developers involved with customers?- if they trust you to talk to customers you can infer trust to do your job ( I’m sure others will disagree)
Describe your development environment?- do they have such a thing as dev, test and prod?
These are the only ones I can remember but should give others a bit of inspiration I hope 😄9
A big shoutout to all software vendors, who, at the top of their product homepage, simply explain to you in 2-3 non-bullshit sentences what their product actually does, and what it is used for. I fucking love you.
And a big fat middle finger to all the rest with your useless buzzword gobbledygook. Go to hell.9
- A buzzword that startup companies use when they can't hire a lot of people. Multitasking all the way sucker!7
I can't fucking stand it when people use them in the entirely wrong context, just to sound smart, or whatever very much wrong or invalid reason.
But, I also can't fucking stand it when people, just because some word is a buzzword, invalidate/demonize it by default when it *IS* used in the right context.
I see this last one more and more and it annoys me to death.5
COMPANIES DON'T NEED FUCKING BLOCKCHAIN YOU CAN JUST MANAGE IT YOURSELF. THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF BLOCKCHAIN IS SO NO ONE HAS CONTROL AND IF YOU MAKE A BLOCK CHAIN THAT YOU CONTROL THEN WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT.3
Wtf how am I seeing job postings for senior blockchain developers with 8+ years of experience? Aint this shit like super new??12
more buzzword translations with a story (because the last one was pretty well liked):
"machine learning" -> an actual, smart thing, but you generally don't need any knowledge to use it as they're all libraries now
"a bitcoin" -> literally just a fucking number that everyone has
"powerful" -> it's umm… almost working (seriously i hate this word, it really has a meaning of null)
"hacking" -> watching a friend type in their facebook password with a black hoodie on, of course (courtesy of @GeaRSiX)
"cloud-based service" -> we have an extra commodore 64 and you can use it over the internet for an ever-increasing monthly fee
"analysis" -> two options: "it's not working" or "its close enough"
"stress-free workplace" -> working from home without pants
now for a short story:
a few days ago in code.org "apscp" class, we learnt about how to do "top down design" (of course, whatever works before for you was not in option in solving problems). we had to design a game, as the first "step" of "top down design," we had to identify three things we needed to do to make a game.
graphics is literally a png, but what the fuck do you expect for ai?
we have a game right? oh wait! its getting boring. let's just sprinkle some fucking artificial intelligence on it like i put salt on french fries.
this is complete bullshit.
also, one of my most hated commercials:
"iot data and ai from the cloud"
yeah please shut the fuck up
I feel like the word "code" is way too overused and more of a buzzword. There are all these sites that say "learn to code using HTML in 2 hours!" Those titles are great for getting people interested but I feel like they hurt the "reputation" of the word.
There are so many people that come to me and say they are HTML coders and know the entire language. But then they can only make a site that says "hello world" with maybe a link and a colored background.
Also. Can these sites please explain that html isn't really programming and is more like fancy documentation? Html + CSS may be Turing complete, but they aren't programming languages and in my opinion, shouldn't be treated or referd to as such.
If the message you got from this is "ewpratten doesn't like front end web development" , you are wrong. I think it's great.
Anyways.. what are you guys' opinions on this?9
this hurts. it really hurts. hey can you make x using <buzzword> with <buzzword> for less than minimum wage?
how about i hit you in the x using my <hard object> with <harder object> for free?2
New company moved in above us... Slogan : Blockchain, AI, Augmented reality and banking apps.....
Dude come on thee must be a buzzword CEO3
There are many ways of development...
Test Driven Development.
Behaviour Driven Development.
Acceptance-Test Driven Development.
YOLO Driven Development.
But nothing in this world is so frustrating as...
Buzzword Driven Development.
As soon as your managers spot a new technology, it needs to be integrated...
For fucks sake... New is not always better.8
OH MY GOD DID I JUST HEAR A .ai DOMAIN ON THE RADIO?!
this can’t be happening.
It’s such a buzzword that someone spent the millions required to get the tld ALREADY.
sudo save planet —from stupidity10
I can understand (to a point) when non-devs use meaningless tech "buzzwords", but please, as developers, can we just agree not to spout nonsense?!
"Electron is so amazing, it's such a lightweight framework!"
"Django is incredible, it's so agile!"
Agile is a family of development methodologies, and Electron is about as heavyweight as a desktop application can possibly get...10
HR: Tell me a little about yourself.
Me: blah blah blah... Blah blah blah...
(Why did you ask me to share my resume in first place, you fucktard?)
HR: Why do you want to work for this company?
Me: Product based..blah blah blah...
(Money babe, money)
HR: Do you consider yourself successful?
Me: Blah blah blah...
(That's subjective question, you scum of the earth. I could be successful in failing fucktitude amount of things)
HR: What would you consider your greatest strengths?
Me: Team player... Buzzword... More buzz word... Blah blah blah
(What exactly you want to know here? Do you want to know my muscle strength in horsepower like unit, you fucking moron)
HR: and weakness?
Me: blah blah blah...
(wtf... Why on earth I'd ever reveal my weaknesses to you? If I put my tool in, the fluid exchange gets completed in 5-10 minutes depending on the engine I'm riding...Why the fuck you want to know about it?)
HR: How do you resolve conflict at workplace?
Me: blah blah blah...Super irritating Girl on team...egoistic guy... Broken feature.. Blame game... Blah blah blah...Stepped in... Blah blah blah.
(Are you hiring for United fucking Nations peacekeeping committee? I'm the developer. The ONLY conflict I resolve is merge conflict. I don't give a damn for someone's ego while doing so... Do you even know what merge conflict is? Do you even know what version control is all about, you cunt.)
HR: What are your salary expectations?
Me: blah blah blah
(You would not be able to afford my real expectations though, say hi to Elon now...)
HR: Are you willing to travel?
Me: Blah blah blah.
(Asking as if the company is going to send me to explore the world)
HR: What are the qualities do you look for in a boss?
Me: Supportive... Blah blah blah.
(Again I don't fucking get to choose my boss, you stinky yellowish piece of shit. Why even ask a question?)
HR: What is your philosophy towards work?
Me: Blah blah blah
(Do I look like fucking Aristotle to you, you lickspitter)
HR: How long would you expect to work for us in case you are hired?
Me: blah blah blah
(probably more than you, you piece of shit. Unlike you HRs, we developers shit from one and only designated place. I smell shit when HR talks... Yes they do shit from their mouth every single moment. Once they realise that the mess can't be cleaned up now, they go to other place where they can shit even more... Bastard)
HR: Are you applying to other companies as well?
Me: blah blah blah... Yes... Blah blah blah
( Big fucking yes, you dick head. Are you not interviewing other candidates? And you have the fucking nerve to ask me that question)
HR: Describe your ability to work under pressure.
Me: blah blah blah... Escalations...CEO... blah blah blah.
(Do I look like fucking piece of rice that would be cooked in pressure cooker?)
HR: Are you willing to work overtime? Prepare for night shift and work on Weekends?
Me: blah blah blah... Work life balance... Blah blah blah
(Are you fucking expecting me to work for free...You should be given free pass to hell for this, you fucking moron)
HR: Are you willing to make sacrifices for this company?
Me: blah blah blah...
(Seriously... What sacrifices are we even talking about? The ancient piece of shit must be following some cult...)
HR: Tell me about a problem you had with a supervisor.
Me: blah blah blah... Micro management... Blah blah blah...
(I should probably send my Devrant profile on his way...)5
Just updated my LinkedIn summary, included "Design Thinking", "bleeding edge technologies" and "innovation-driven"...
What other phrases can you think of that only exist to play Buzzword-Bullshit-Bingo? :D5
I don’t need productivity.
People are trying to “be productive” to do the work that they find “important”. Nigga you’re just sitting there making cruds for a company that will be gone in a year leaving no trace and making no impact. And if you’re a scientist and you do research you hate only to “push humanity forward”, remember Yablochkov. He invented lightbulb before Edison. Could his invention push humanity further? Yes it could. Was it acknowledged and recognized though? No it wasn’t.
Making an impact and remaining in history is pure luck. There is no universal meaning in what you do as long as you can’t guarantee that YOUR invention WILL make an impact. You can’t guarantee that. But if there is no universal meaning doesn’t mean you can’t introduce it. I bet significant researchers did what they did not because they forced themselves to but because they loved it and couldn’t help it.
Do things because it is important to YOU, not for someone else.
“But that means that I should quit my shitty job now and I can’t do that, if you’re homeless just buy a house, duh”
When I was in the military, I had to deliver draft orders and make sure shitty computers work. The most boring job ever, right? Instead of suffering I invented my own meaning. Draft order template wasn’t specified so I experimented with typography and learned a lot about typefaces, grids and limitations that mass production introduces. I learned about SoE automation to keep computers fresh. I learned the basics of graph theory to find the most efficient route across the city that would include 30-40 flats I should visit. I also learned basics of social engineering to get what I want even from the strictest people imaginable, the military people.
Productivity is a cuck buzzword invented to make you do the work you don’t love. They tell you about “meaning” and how another startup is going to “change the world”. fuck them. Introduce your own meaning and you’ll never need to force yourself again.
And if some manager tells you that “you isn’t productive enough”, answer with “the only thing that isn’t enough here is my paycheck”.10
Whenever something goes mainstream and becomes buzzword there are annoying consequences of it.
First, it’s harder to find anything meaningful about the topic.
Second, suddenly everyone is an expert and web search starts to show not related products like promo codes, stupid videos, tutorials for dumb.
Third, old content that was interesting is lost under pile of shit or gets deleted.
I feel like I’m living in middle ages and before I try to watch something interesting it’s deleted by Spanish inquisition and replaced by some crap.
Most of expert content I have in favorites is returning 404 and youtube videos are deleted or private so from some time I started to backup all content I read or watch and find interesting in public networks.
Fortunately I have couple of terabytes of storage to backup interesting topics but I’m not happy that I’m back to times when I was saving internet page to floppy disk to show it to my friend later.
What a fucking nightmare.3
Fucking news articles like wtf if they don't have a buzzword in the title they will never be published.
This Forbes articles talks about googles quantum computer and hotw it could break Bitcoin. FUCKING BITCOIN like who TF cares maybe you should talk about how it would break the ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET.8
Most awkward recruiter interaction was probably when I had to tell a staffing agency that I didn't want to work for them because I had already worked for them and left.
I got into IT by working for a staffing agency and I was contracted out to a large company's IT call center. Doing the usual sort of level-one tech support stuff. After my contract term ran out (and upon reminding my boss that she wouldn't be my boss for much longer if she didn't hire me away from the staffing agency), I was hired on full-time.
Six months later I left the call center and moved on to a cloud server development job in the same company. Not long after that, I got a message on LinkedIn from the staffing agency, offering to hire me on as a contractor working for one of their largest partners in the area.
I responded asking for more details, just for fun. The company I'd be working for, etc. Then I had to inform them that I had in fact previously worked for their firm, and now worked at the company that they were offering to contract me out to, and earning a fair bit more money than they were offering.
They didn't even look at my employment information on LinkedIn before sending the InMail. Just glanced over my skills, saw the magic buzzword "devops," and sent me a message.3
<just got out of this meeting>
Mgr: “Can we log the messages coming from the services?”
Me: “Absolutely, but it could be a lot of network traffic and create a lot of noise. I’m not sure if our current logging infrastructure is the right fit for this.”
Senior Dev: “We could use Log4Net. That will take care of the logging.”
Mgr: “Log4Net?…Yea…I’ve heard of it…Great, make it happen.”
Me: “Um…Log4Net is just the client library, I’m talking about the back-end, where the data is logged. For this issue, we want to make sure the data we’re logging is as concise as possible. We don’t want to cause a bottleneck inside the service logging informational messages.”
Mgr: “Oh, no, absolutely not, but I don’t know the right answer, which is why I’ll let you two figure it out.”
Senior Dev: “Log4Net will take care of any threading issues we have with logging. It’ll work.”
Me: “Um..I’m sure…but we need to figure out what we need to log before we decide how we’re logging it.”
Senior Dev: “Yea, but if we log to SQL database, it will scale just fine.”
Mgr: “A SQL database? For logging? That seems excessive.”
Senior Dev: “No, not really. Log4Net takes care of all the details.”
Me: “That’s not going to happen. We’re not going to set up an entire sql database infrastructure to log data.”
Senior Dev: “Yea…probably right. We could use ElasticSearch or even Redis. Those are lightweight.”
Mgr: “Oh..yea…I’ve heard good things about Redis.”
Senior Dev: “Yea, and it runs on Linux and Linux is free.”
Mgr: “I like free, but I’m late for another meeting…you guys figure it out and let me know.”
Me: “So..Linux…um…know anything about administrating Redis on Linux?”
Senior Dev: ”Oh no…not a clue.”
It was all I could do from doing physical harm to another human being.
I really hate people playing buzzword bingo with projects I’m responsible for.
Only good piece is he’s not changing any of the code.3
I'm getting so fucking sick of non-technical business people talking bullshit, nonsense, technobabble on LinkedIn, buzzword buzzword buzzword. Their mouths work so much fucking faster than their pathetic little brains, they should be put up for case study.3
Why the fuck are Indian software companies under the impression that interns are just junior developers that you are legally allowed to fuck over with shit/no pay. Internships are supposed to be about learning and growth. Every fucking company I apply for has some bullshit bi polar disorder because their requirements state one thing and they ask you other bullshit on the phone or at the interview.
How the fuck do you expect a college student to know React, Django, AWS, Angular, D3, Scala, iOS and whatever buzzword you assholes noticed were trending on quora?
And for fucks sake don't waste my time to call me and ask if I'd be available full time if I mentioned I can only intern part time.
WTF is wrong with these people.6
Im going to my first IT conference!
By looking at the plan i already regret not getting the "Buzzword bingo"...
Machine learning? Check
Internet of things? Check!
Chatbot/Virual Assistant? CHECK!5
The Cloud Of Bullshit
Every day I wake, and I think of my one true mission in life. To mock and ridicule paint huffing idiots. Something recently that drew my ire, like the hemorrhoids on my ass is this idea of 'the cloud', THE CLOUD and the buzzword lingo-bingo bullshit that providers use to hype and sell it.
For example, airtable is an amazing service. I love that I can insert just about anything into a row, create any of my own row datatypes, that it's flexible as all hell.
I love it.
And I hate that I'm essentially locked in to the cloud.
I fucking hate how if my internet goes down (thanks you pie eating inbred dipshits at comcast) I have no access.
If the company is bought, they'll shut down like all the rest , to be "relaunched at a later time" (or never).
I hate that if the company doesn't make enough money, or it's investors change their mind, woopsie, service is shut down.
I hate that the cloud is synonymous with massive data leaks and IOT-levels of stupidity in security practices.
Every time someone says "but its in the cloud! Isn't it amazing!"
I always think 1. YEAH IF IM AN INVESTOR I GET TO MILK LOW BROW FINGER PAINTING FUCKWITS EVERY MONTH like Adobe sucking the blood from infants who are still in college.
2. Why? So I can get locked into their platform, have them segment off previously free features (fucking youtube and the 'subscribe so you can continue playing audio with your screen off' bullshit), and then have fees increase month over month?
3. Why, so every four years during the presidential selection, if I piss off some fuckstick braindead lemming literally sucking his girlfriends BFs cock, they can potentially shut me out from my own data completely?
The Cloud is built on shit-colored hype sold to knob gobbling idiots, controlling idiots, profiting at the expense of idiots, and later fucking them for buyout payola. The Cloud is a Cloud of Bullshit shat out by huckster messiahs straight into the lapping mouths of fanatics worshiping slavishly like toilet drinking scum at the porcelain alter of a neon god, invisible, untouchable, and like a spigot, easily shut off without anyone noticing. And when it happens, I'll be there, shouting "WHERE IS YOUR CLOUD NOW?"
Native any day. 100% native or I don't fucking want it
None of this node.js-gone-native bullshit either with notetaking apps taking up hundreds of megabytes of ram, where everything is bootstrap or react, in a browser, in a window container, because people are so fucking incompetent we have to hold their hand WHILE they give themselves a reach around.
Native or nothing.
For my favorite notetaking app, I use Microsoft OneNote. "OH god, a heathen, quick, stick his body up on a stake!"
But hear me out. I'll be the first one in a crowd to kick bill gates in the nuts (not because I particularly hate microsoft, just because I think hes kind of a cunt).
So when I say onenote is good, I really fucking mean it. Sure they did some cunty things like 'dumbed down' the interface, and cut out some options. But you know what they can't do?
Shut down the damn service (short of a system update completely removing the whole app, which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me).
It's so god damn good it waxed my balls, cured my cancer, fixed my relationship with my father, found my long lost brother, and replaced ALL my irl notebooks.
It's so good that if it was cocaine I'd be hospitalized for overusing it.
So god damn good it didn't just replace all my notebooks, it even replaced and sped up my mockup process three to five times. Want layers?
Built in. Just drag an image on to the notebook to import instantly.
Want to rearrange layers? Right click select "send forward/back/bring to front/send to back".
Everything snaps to grid by default and is easily resizeable.
I had all the elements for a UI sliced and diced. Wanted to try a bunch of layouts. Was gonna take me two damn days.
Did it in three hours with the notebook features of onenote.
After I started using onenote, me and my bodypillow finally conceived even.
Sweet marries mammaries I just fucking jizzed. Thank you onenote.
P.s. It really did speed up my UI design, allows annotated images, highlighted text. Shit, it can even do kanban.
And all I can think is "good job microsoft making an awesome product for free, being dumb as fuck for not charging for it, and then not marketing it at ALL."
It was sheer fucking luck that I discovered it while was I was looking for vendor STD bloatware to blast off my new install.
OneNote: Worth a try even for the kick-gates-in-the-nuts fan club.
The cloud can suck my balls.18
A jr colleague came back from a react.js code camp.
Those hipsters turned the poor kid into a one liner terrorist and buzzword spammer.
It's time to play bad cop and start enforcing line length limit.
Who the fuck decided that serverless computing is a good name for something that isn't serverless?7
A rant about pretentious people:
So last week I walk into college and I find that a new "Machine Learning Crash Course" is being offered by a senior. Now I'm a beginner in this domain, and know the just basic concepts and math behind it. Naturally, I was super curious about this and decided to talk the student who was supposed to teach the course.
I asked him where he learned from, and mentioned that I'm an interested beginner. He just replied, "YouTube".
Now I'm suspicious of this guy, so I asked him if he's worked on any related projects I could look into, to which he replies, "Not yet, but I'm working on some".
Now I'm SUPER suspicious. A guy that's got no experience with the subject, yet is teaching others about it?
Get this, at this point he rudely asks me if I have anything else to say. So I asked him a super simple question: "Do you know what gradient descent is?". He replies "Uhh, no, but I've heard about it".
I lost it.
HOW DID THIS GUY MANAGE TO CONVINCE THE HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT AND SEVERAL OTHER PROFESSORS TO TEACH A MACHINE LEARNING CRASH COURSE?
People like him need to go away.
Every time I hear the word "trailblazing" I throw up a little. Even beats "synergy" as a useless, demonic corporate buzzword.10
Want to make someone's life a misery? Here's how.
Don't base your tech stack on any prior knowledge or what's relevant to the problem.
Instead design it around all the latest trends and badges you want to put on your resume because they're frequent key words on job postings.
Once your data goes in, you'll never get it out again. At best you'll be teased with little crumbs of data but never the whole.
I know, here's a genius idea, instead of putting data into a normal data base then using a cache, lets put it all into the cache and by the way it's a volatile cache.
Here's an idea. For something as simple as a single log lets make it use a queue that goes into a queue that goes into another queue that goes into another queue all of which are black boxes. No rhyme of reason, queues are all the rage.
Have you tried: Lets use a new fangled tangle, trust me it's safe, INSERT BIG NAME HERE uses it.
Finally it all gets flushed down into this subterranean cunt of a sewerage system and good luck getting it all out again. It's like hell except it's all shitty instead of all fiery.
All I want is to export one table, a simple log table with a few GB to CSV or heck whatever generic format it supports, that's it.
So I run the export table to file command and off it goes only less than a minute later for timeout commands to start piling up until it aborts. WTF. So then I set the most obvious timeout setting in the client, no change, then another timeout setting on the client, no change, then i try to put it in the client configuration file, no change, then I set the timeout on the export query, no change, then finally I bump the timeouts in the server config, no change, then I find someone has downloaded it from both tucows and apt, but they're using the tucows version so its real config is in /dev/database.xml (don't even ask). I increase that from seconds to a minute, it's still timing out after a minute.
In the end I have to make my own and this involves working out how to parse non-standard binary formatted data structures. It's the umpteenth time I have had to do this.
These aren't some no name solutions and it really terrifies me. All this is doing is taking some access logs, store them in one place then index by timestamp. These things are all meant to be blazing fast but grep is often faster. How the hell is such a trivial thing turned into a series of one nightmare after another? Things that should take a few minutes take days of screwing around. I don't have access logs any more because I can't access them anymore.
The terror of this isn't that it's so awful, it's that all the little kiddies doing all this jazz for the first time and using all these shit wipe buzzword driven approaches have no fucking clue it's not meant to be this difficult. I'm replacing entire tens of thousands to million line enterprise systems with a few hundred lines of code that's faster, more reliable and better in virtually every measurable way time and time again.
This is constant. It's not one offender, it's not one project, it's not one company, it's not one developer, it's the industry standard. It's all over open source software and all over dev shops. Everything is exponentially becoming more bloated and difficult than it needs to be. I'm seeing people pull up a hundred cloud instances for things that'll be happy at home with a few minutes to a week's optimisation efforts. Queries that are N*N and only take a few minutes to turn to LOG(N) but instead people renting out a fucking off huge ass SQL cluster instead that not only costs gobs of money but takes a ton of time maintaining and configuring which isn't going to be done right either.
I think most people are bullshitting when they say they have impostor syndrome but when the trend in technology is to make every fucking little trivial thing a thousand times more complex than it has to be I can see how they'd feel that way. There's so bloody much you need to do that you don't need to do these days that you either can't get anything done right or the smallest thing takes an age.
I have no idea why some people put up with some of these appliances. If you bought a dish washer that made washing dishes even harder than it was before you'd return it to the store.
Every time I see the terms enterprise, fast, big data, scalable, cloud or anything of the like I bang my head on the table. One of these days I'm going to lose my fucking tits.10
Okay, I think I am losing it, how do you explain a distributed computing VM has to somehow execute code on some hardware at a point to a customer that is clearly a big ass bullshit eater/buzzword bitch?
Because if I can't, I may buy a plane ticket for Canada and an axe, and that is not for cutting lumber11
Caught up in a deathmarch project with buzzword driven, childish architects who treat devs like insects and brag about their non existant experience and achievements while imposing completely idiotic requirements and unrealistic milestones. I feel shit right now.1
Fuck Udemy adverty. "You should learn this online machine learning course, it's taught by an 'expert' instructor, you'll learn algorithms in pythaan and 'arr, make robust models, add value to your business." Fuck off with your buzzword mumbo jumbo and just be straight with people, don't treat them like idiots.11
It's cute how most companies think that someone will take the time to personally hack them. Like nah mate there's countless bots running around the internet like a rabid pack of dogs sniffing ip addresses and running exploit, one of the stragglers will pick you off...
Serverless is like our Hoverboard. It's not "no server" and its not "a board that hovers".
Whoever comes up with these names deserves a medal for trolling the tech world.5
How the fuck is CLI a skill for job seekers?! And what's a Toolbox?
Apparently, recruiters write any Buzzwords they hear of! CLI is not even a Buzzword. How did it get there?5
Recently I receive a ton of mails from cool/hip/rockstar startups. They all run like this:
"We are a innovative Startup based on a [insert some random stuff or buzzword] blockchain! If you're a student with skills and experience in blockchain, machine learning and AI willing to change the world with our sick technology and make it a better place..."
The best thing about this: since they are a innovative Startup they expect you to work for free.
But who am I to judge something so brand-new and innovative. I contacted them to find out what these dank innovations are about.
They can't even explain what a blockchain is or the basics of ML and AI, they basically just want someone do it for free...
It's still ok since no one is gonna fall for this bait... this morning a friend of mine told me he got a new job... and he even can work from home...
I'm not even mad, I just feel sadness and sorrow specially for him, because he is a good dev and accepts big times underpay and now free work, because he thinks a day off in his CV will lead him to be unemployed 😭
Fucking hate it how people successfuly manipulate kids and youth to them to work 24/7 for minimum wage or even for free and some other douchebags trying to take advantage of this 😡1
Microservices is a buzzword and everyone is using it to modernize their company and themselves.
Add a cloud in the context and boom, you are equivalent of some Tech gaint.
Well then, if you say so why don't you implement or try to implement in proper way. Use the right tools, "opensource" if you have heard of it has a ton of stuff right for the job.
But no, all you do is write the same old services in Java, put a label of "cloud native" and stick it out so proudly that clients think "oh a new shiny thing".
Putting out poster of "Immediate job requiment for Microservices" and staring blank when the candidate tries to explain how the Microservices work, but you know only about EJBs and you are sitting in interview room wondering what he is really talking about. I dint hear a single word of Java because that is all I know. Then finally rejecting the candidate because he dint say EJB in the interview.
The point is, some shit people don't want to improve themselves nor let anyone improve. Fear of being replaced by a younger generation of developers has plauged the seniors in ways no one can think of.3
You always think of the young buck, fresh-out-of-school hotshot devs as being the ones who are obsessed with chasing the Hot New Thing at the cost of stability and maintainability, but our head of front end is old enough to be my father and he's only getting worse and worse about forcing buzzword compliance on the company. New framework every six months. New language every two years. Containers on VMs on cloud boxes. I've got milk in my fridge that's older than our tech stack and probably twice as stable.
Apparently age only brings wisdom if you're capable of giving a fuck.6
WTF do y’all mean when you say it just works “out-of-the-box”.
What’s one Tech buzzword or phrase that in your opinion, shouldn’t exist?18
Smartphone manufacturers these days, imagine how meetings to come up with ideas for new products go about.
Product manager :ok people,what can we do to make our next smartphone 'different'.
Employee 1: let's add more cameras
Employee 2:Let's kill the notch
Employee 3:Let's include the buzzword AI in all of our marketing
Employee 4:Let's put 8Gb of Ram in our phone
Employee 5:Let's just do all of those things and also give it a screen with a ridiculous aspect ratio and unnecessarily high resolution.3
really fucking hate those PM types who will hear a smart sounding term or buzzword used by a developer, and then proceed to overuse it (mostly incorrectly) in every fucking conversation as if it's le mot du jour.
or better yet, when the fucking parrot proceeds to drive a meeting with PO's by regurgitating verbatim your explanation you gave to him 2 hours before as if he knows that the fuck he's talking about. oh but when someone asks a question for clarification - "hey dev, you wanna take this one?"
hey PM, you wanna lick my balls?5
Seems like the buzzword for non tech these days is... API. Probably only used 10% of the time in context.1
In cour company we need an online dashboard that monitors logfiles from various interface processes.
My collage and me, the newest company members (for almost 2 years) get the task to build this and get it presented as some intern project where we can try out some more recent technologies/frameworks.
Now in the first meeting our senior team leader told us we shoeldn't use the noew hot buzzword js frameworks.
Reason? They are not proven and wil probably lose popularity next year and we don't want to migrate everything every half year. Plus he had negeative experiences with Angular in some project he had to work on, probably just because his limited JS skils.
So he wants us to use jQuery to build a modern web application.
I get it you don't want to migrate to TheNewHotThing(tm) every year. Guess what? You fucking don't have to. If I build sonting in Vue.js now, it won't stop working when a new framework comes along.
Look at our own fucking ASP.NET Web Forms prooject, that stil works. Just don't deny the usability of modern frameworks.5
MarSecOps: "Marketing Security Operations, the idea is that security is not just the realm of website developers or the IT department anymore, but rather the marketing department has an equal if not greater interest in, and even responsibility to security."
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? The marketing dimwits responsible for security? Whose IT competence ends at Powerpoint drivel?!
I LOLed so hard that I could have shat a cactus!8
Reddits /r/webdev is such a shithole. It is filled with bad practice and buzzword sharks most of them have 0 knowledge and trending topics are nearly always wrong or the most generic bullshit someone found on medium.
Fuck reddit, im happy i deleted my account there.6
For shit's sake, data stream processing really is only for people with high throughput looking to do transformations on their data; not for people aggregating <10Gb/day of data.
Fuck me DSP is going to be the new buzzword of 2020 and I'm not looking forward to it. I've already got stakeholders wondering if we can integrate it when we dont have the need, nor the resources or funds.10
A senior dev I’ve interacted with only on Twitter, whom I looked up to, who has blog, newsletter, buzzword tweets and all that jingles.
Met them IRL today.
They talk about all the things they know about, on the internet. But, shocked to see how many simple things they didn’t know.3
Agile my ass.
What has become of: "Individuals and interactions over processes and tools"?
A fuckton of rules and processes to do it the 'right' way: tickets, estimations, hours of sprint planning. Yeah, we're so professional we no longer have time to write code.
Note: manifest was mainly full of fluffy business buzzword bullshit (effective sustainable excellence), but one thing resonated:
>Simplicity--the art of maximizing the amount of work not done--is essential.
(I cherish every line of code deleted or unwritten, so it needn't be maintained)4
Nothing shits me more than being interrupted every two hours for a "huddle". Shove your buzzword up your ass and fuck off so I can actually get some work done. What am I currently working on? The same fucking thing I was doing before you interrupted me again for a status update.1
I hate buzzwords so much, once in school our class of 7 people got a presentation about some program which should have made our life easier. The problem I had was that the person presented with every second word being a buzzword. At some point a just shut down my mind for the rest of it. After the presentation when the class talked about it and I refused to use the program. The whole class had to use another one because of me.2
When your 'business-minded' friend tells you that you'll never be able to understand and see the future and the power of [buzzword] because you only know how to code...
... and then comes to you an hour later telling you that Bitcoin and blockchain is the same thing & will change the world because he read it somewhere on techcrunch1
Ever feel like your boss is playing buzzword bingo with your project?
We have new project. Buzzword bingo words for us: microservices and cloud. We're moving our old, big, monolithic app to microservices.
And very strong demand that we keep all nasty solutions gathered in there for the last 10+ years working.2
"Mobile optimized" themes, templates, websites etc that are looking completely broken on an actual mobile device are fucking ironic, especially those "css framework" websites.
Anyone looking into how A.I. can improve language learning courses (and obviously, speech recognition) and such?
I know, A.I. buzzword, but I think it's applicable here..
Who is actually coding A.I. right now anyway? anyone?6
I have no specialty, I’m a total generalist. Frameworks and buzzword tech is only useful to me if it makes it easier to code without extraneous syntax, or if I need to know it for the job! Recruiters hate hearing this, they want someone who lives, eats and breathes react.js! They want someone with PASSION for easier (or harder due to shit design) ways to do easy things bc ITS FUTURE! React separates true developers from code monkeys! You never heard of Deno? Serverless NOSQL? BAH! Back to your cave, you bickering caveman! MY DIVINE RECRUITINESS DEEMETH THEE UNWORTHY FOUL WORM9
So we're doing this contract work for this other company and the project is just an overcomplicated piece of garbage where they shoved every buzzword technology into it just because. I managed to get the code just about organized and functional on our side of the contract and it was looking up when suddenly the management decides "we had a rough start, lets start over, learning from our mistakes"
So I was thinking "cool, there were a lot of problems with this overcomplicated pre-optimized stack, surely we can only do better".. oh boy how naive I was. See Im not the guy in charge of the infrastructure (unfortunately) and really the project structure across this huge multi service project is a free-for-all kind of management.. so we had a call on friday where they explained how the new structure should be built... 3 new technologies, more micro services and even worse dependency tree later I was contemplating suicide on the spot.
I tried to make this shit usable and efficient and all my fucking work went down the drain in a single day of these fuckers throwing more buzzwords at the problem... I can't even get a new empty project started without browsing our huge 100+ repo project git for which dependency Im still missing to even run it...
I fucking hate this retarded piece of crap project and I hope every "manager" and "developer" with an exception of very few chokes on a cock...2
What is most annoying buzzword taht gets your garages grinding?
For me the latest one is gamification18
I really don't like this trend of building command line applications for controlling some <buzzword> cloud app or <buzzword> framework.
Why should I need or want to learn the exact wording of your gcloud command, or the path to your Ng cli, or some ass-backwards AWS search syntax when I can get the same functionality from your web app, where I can use my FUCKING EYES to work out where the "Create Instance" button is and how to click it!!!??
Stop pushing your shitty python monolith of a client where possibilities for the above task range from:
- google-cloud instances --add "subfjfechye thiq"
- gcloud /create /type=INSTANCE "rogdhyuffhue"
"BuT iT mAkEs iT MoRe aUtomaTaBLe"
I DON'T CARE. What is the point when I can use a proper programming language instead of bash, with actual code-completion and syntax rather than the horrendous excuse for a suggestion system that is the Tab key where it probably doesn't even work in the first place and I have to copy and paste some mysterious dbus command buried in an old documentation page on the Wayback Machine using a utility I don't have installed and a broken URL?
I will legit punch the next irl person in the face if they I hear the term "growth hacking" from their orifice.
What's your punch worthy bullshit buzzword.8
The random feature request using buzzwords
Can we have picture-in-picture mode for devrant?
Ok I will rest in peace now good night!1
When I need to talk to another office in my company about how one of their codebases works the weirdest thing happens. I end up on a call after local business hours with people who don't write code and thus cannot help me.
I show them the error I'm getting trying to run their shit and I get a high level buzzword filled spiel about the project that makes no actual sense. They use these technical words like federated and dynamic but they don't make sense in the contexts they're using them. And they don't answer my goddamn questions.
It turned out their debug config file was gitignored.
tl;dr: "Hey everyone plz look at me! I'v rebranded 'Vanilla CSS', look at me plz!!!"
...How to create a buzzword, lesson 1 :
Make a blog post about your freshly-pooped buzzword and start that same post by some poorly crafted pseudo-meta-thinking about buzzwords, just enough to try hard enforcing the idea that we still don't have enough of these bullshits and so yours is needed even if it's totally useless.
So, I work as a sysadmin junior (6 months and going), and in the past few months, I learned what my boss warned me about - Devs don't understand us admins, and we don't understand the devs.
We have this huge client who is about to migrate to our company (We do mostly server managment/Housing/Renting), and I am so gald I don't have to work on the migration myself!
Just hearing what the company devs say makes me facepalm: No, it won't work. It cannot work on just 3 machines (They use like... 20 in total), no, we won't get rid of our docker swarm, that's essential (Doing the absolute minimum in their infrastructure, just a fancy buzzword to lure people on. Though they've spent like 2 years developing the app that uses it, so they my not want to give it up).
I kid you not, once, they replied to an email that contained the phrase "To be afraid of/worried about" something during the migration, that something could break, not work, be unstable. 7 times.
Might not sound as bad, but it was a rather short mail, and when they're so afraid of everything, its kinda hard to cooperate with them.
My colleague literally spent this entire week mapping out /their/ infrastructure, because they were unable to provide us with the description themselves.
And as a cherry on top, they sent us a "graph" of relationships of all the parts of their infrastructure that was this jumbled mess of rectangles and arrows. Oh, and half of all the machines were not even in the graph at all! Stating that "We also have all this, but I really don't know how to ilustracte the interactions anymore"
Why do companies like that exist? If you build an infrastructure yourself, shouldn't at least someone know exactly how it works?1
I read https://devrant.com/rants/1845851/...
I was going to comment until I realized it was a post from 300 days ago.
Just want to say ask you how it went or give a post mortem. Also Congratulations. I hope you brought a long run way when you started almost a year ago.
Remember starting is 80% of finishing, and carrying through is the other 20%.
Success looks easy when all you see are the success stories. Steve jobs wasn't the most famous marketer, he was the most famous salesman, and what he sold was a dream.
Marketing is a buzzword, and a lot of companies try to use marketing as a replacement for sales people, but nothing really beats a good sales person or team. Thats the secret to marketing: forgo it as much as possible and work on sales and relationships instead. Awareness is nice, but money and sales are better.
This coming from a guy who had six businesses by the time he was twenty six and helped his family to start two other successful businesses.
Apparently I'm good at helping other people make money just not good at helping myself do it.
What I've learned is if you can get 1 customer you can get 10 and if you can get 10 you can get 100. And then keep going.
Know the basics of the tech, don't just dive in with some off the shelf blackbox buzzword then find yourself crippled when you need to debug it going wrong1
It’s always fun to listening to the same aging fool talking about weaponizing “it” their favorite goddamn buzzword for the unpteenth time
When a recruiter makes an unsolicited call. Becomes all chummy and then when you tell them that you’re not looking, they have the cheek to ask you for references for *insert common buzzword here* and expect me to divulge information about contacts.1
Been learning more about crypto and blockchain (i know i know buzzword) but I mean I'm still a noob at pretty much everything so it was hard to find something that explains all that at a really technical level. BUT I then found www.cryptoeconomics.study
and it's been going great 😊
Dynamic/Dynamically is used WAY to much in programming. What part of programming is NOT dynamic?
Depending upon your interpretation of the definition it can just mean: moving parts. Programming is all about moving parts.
I see things like "dynamically allocated array". Wtf does that even mean? (I get it, most likely means on heap) Say it specifically: it was allocated on the stack or the heap.
Apparently some people are just more energetic in their programming...
It becoming a really overused buzzword...8
Has anyone seen a good use case for robotic process automation (RPA)? Seems to me like a new buzzword for 90's screen scraping technologies?!