Credit : 9gag

Laughed so hard, that I had to defenitely post it on devRant.

Don't we all love a sophisticated chat bot?

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Guys, I am getting married in one hour 🎉

1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

How i feel every day.....

"Oh Step Cable, I'm Stuck"

........

Google Drive says I've modified a file on... "January 15, 2021".

😐😐😐

Wow. Google is the new oracle.

They saw an opportunity, and they took it

Manager: Why do you need that new $6000 Mac?
Me:

Gotta love well meaning juniors with completely misplaced intentions.

Nathan: "Hey, do you want a quick 5 minute demo of the code we've changed to move to library version x?"

Almond: "Sure (I wasn't that fussed about moving to library x, but he seemed determined and there's some nice to haves with bumping the version, so we approved it.)"

Nathan: "Cool, so we have this built here, and..."

Almond: "...wait, that's not our CI system!"

Nathan: "Yeah, so I moved to a new CI system too because we couldn't get that working in the old one"

Almond: "...right, we'll need to discuss that, because..."

Nathan: "Sure, we also moved the templating engine as well as there were more examples using this one with library x"

Almond: "...yeah, so I don't think we're looking to switch the templating engine because..."

Nathan: "...and you guys also need to change a bunch of your code as it's all broken since we put the new version in, most of the tests fail..."

Great... so we've got a branch that breaks a bunch of code, switches the templating engine to one we don't want to use, and switches the CI to the one the company is trying to actively migrate away from...

Almond: "We're going to need longer than 5 minutes. I'll put something in the calendar."

🤦‍♂️😬😠

Just got a job, time to let the beard grow like I'm homeless

Youtube has become an ad infested shitfest.

That is all.

My cat is diagnosed with leukemia. He has 4 months to live. What am I going to do without him? 🐈‍⬛

😿

Do I choose the red pill or the red pill? Please help, I can't decide!

😰💦
👇

㊗️ ㊗️

My family didn't support me become a dev. In fact, they sent my brother to a programming course and me to play tennis (gender tracking at its finest). Luckily, both me and my brother didn't give up our true calling. Today, I'm a developer and he is a gym instructor/personal trainer.

Be me:
> turns on laptop
> enter funky town password
> presses enter
> expects wallpaper to show

Be windows:
> fuck you mother fucker!
> surprise asshole
> I magically updated on you without warning

One of our employees set up a RAID 0 (by accident) on the MySQL server years ago and a drive decided to fail....

Why did the system administrator not do their job :’(

24 hours of data lost, clients will be mad especially since its running a CRM.

STOP. TESTING. IN. PRODUCTION.
STOP. TESTING. IN. PRODUCTION.
STOP. TESTING. IN. PRODUCTION.
STOP. TESTING. IN. PRODUCTION.

This should not be called wisdom teeth, should be called stupid teeth
Mother fucker is growing perpendicular.

What fuck is wrong with you bro , grow upwards you dumb fuck!!

!dev

Bought a house. 😊

A co-worker on a gigantic PR i made:

"the worst thing about this pr is that while i was reviewing it, I forgot about my coffee and it turned cold. Otherwise good job!"

Wanna mess with users? Take

“OK” and “Cancel”.

You know what looks visually the same but means the opposite?

“NO” and “Confirm”.

Deploy that little ui update overnight and watch the world burn.

If Corona Virus, were to make a CV, it would make an interesting read:

1. Responsible for Global Digital Transformation.
2. Reduction of Global CO2 emission and Greenhouse gasses.
3. Global Hygiene initiatives: Ensured 100% compliance on washing hands and body bath.
4. Made industry shift to WFH - saved exposure and costs.
5. Reduction in noise pollution by making everyone keep their mouth shut (masked).
6. Taught cooking, vegetable shopping, housekeeping to many,
7. Provided ample time to all egoistic and self centered people, to contemplate on their mortal nature.
8. Provided a big boost to the Pharma sector and brought back small utility stores back into the limelight.
9. Highlighted the importance of governance, adaptability and long term planning, by all sectors.

Corona’s CV seems superior to many 😉

😮 Aparently double tapping a rant does a ++.

Try it if you are on mobile! 📱

How for loop works

Please help

It's warmer outside than in my laptop's CPU

I'm dying

Send air conditioning

After a week of logs investigation, we finally found a solution for performance issue. Just scaled up the app vertically to the next tier plan in Azure.

FUCKING LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
I NEED TO FUCKING WORK!

NO I DON'T CARE ABOUT POLITICS.
NO I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR RANDOM FUCKING DREAMS.
NO I DON'T CARE ABOUT COINS OR THE PRICE OF GOLD.
NO I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME EXPENSIVE PLANE OR BOAT OR CAR YOURE NEVER GOING TO BUY.
NO I DON'T CARE ABOUT CHINA.
NO I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR DRAMA.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE ARBITRARY FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU BLABBER ABOUT.

STOP. WASTING. MY. TIME.

I'M THE ONLY ONE PAYING THE BILLS
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO IT!