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CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”
Student: “Management”
CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”13 -
Meeting with client.
Me: our solution does not require a central server, any computer (windows, Mac or Linux) on which you install our software can act both as a client and a server
Client: no we need to have all our data on our server
Me: sure, you can install our software on any computer
Client: no, we need it on our server
Me: ok then, we can make the needed changes to install our software on your server, it will cost an additional fee though
Client: very good then17 -
"Sure ill join the meeting it's not like I'm busy with the project's deadline being this Friday and all"
My notes from the meeting:
9 -
Dear everyone,
I am never late to meetings you set up with me, so please stop being late to meetings I set up with you.6 -
Me: *sends meeting request*
Attendee: *3 days later*, hi is there anything in particular you needed to discuss?
Me: ... nope, none what so ever. Decided to take 30 mins out of my busy day to talk to you, a person I don't know, for 30 mins. Definitely the title of the meeting request has nothing to do with it, I wouldn't bother reading that now, since you haven't yet anyway. Cheers!5 -
So a fucking friend of mine makes me meet this fella who is a big shot according to his LinkedIn and please note has too much experience with Web Apps and Python
Me being naive actually trusted that and I meet him.
Fella: So what do you do?
Me: I am into Cyber Security nothing much I just do bug hunting for now
Fella: You know python will help you right?
Me: Sorry?
Fella: You see you have to be a python programmer for anything you want to do in CS
Me: Me yeah I kinda know python actually I am more into Ruby from start so ( Around this time I kinda sensed that he is a fake tech guy he is a corporate asshole)
Fella: show me any of your work
Me: (So to show him one of the thing I was working on I open GitHub desktop app) Me explaining blah blah blah
*Fella is in shock*
So at this point I was thinking probably he is impressed and that's why the shock right?
No a big fucking no
Apparently he never heard about GitHub or git and got blown away by the interface.
And the friend who made me meet that guy is not my fucking friend anymore that prick can die for ruining my day18 -
Meetings all day. Latest meeting topic: "Why are we going to miss our deadline?"
Here's an answer : Stop with all the meetings and let me code!4 -
Have you ever had a recursive meeting? A meeting about a meeting, about a meeting, about a meeting...9
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I was totally in the zone earlier.
Plenty of caffeine, plenty of anger thanks to idiots, rocking out to Amon Amarth and Disturbed, and chewing through a difficult logic problem. It was wonderful.
Then.
Then there was a mandatory all-hands meeting. A mandatory meeting entirely consisting of someone doing a (admittedly decent) presentation on very basic marketing. (Basic as in "This is what ROI is." 🙄) It lasted for about 40 minutes, totally killing my zone and butchering my productivity. I've barely gotten anything done the rest of the day, thanks to that.
On the bright side, I worked out the logic on stickies during the talky-people bits. Maybe I'll be able to write it tomorrow.4 -
"Everyone must attend this meeting. It's really important that you all attend".
Me: *walks into meeting with other co-workers
Host: So what should we discuss today?
Co-worker 1: We can discuss how we did on the recently completed project.
Host: We'll save that for next meeting.
Co-worker 2: Any strategic plans for upcoming project?
Host: That too, for next meeting.
Me: Black Panther.
Host: That was actually a great movie. I saw it over the weekend. Who else saw it? ....
Me (in my thoughts): Just wow! 😂
PS: I still haven't seen that movie.2 -
Yes of course we can have a fourth meeting this week to discuss possible KPI’s for the project.
I have a suggestion though, since the first deliverable is 3 weeks away and it doesn’t work yet, maybe I could spend time ON the project ... so I can build something that could be a KPI ... and not piss off the other companies for delivering nothing.
Of course I’m not a manager, so what do I know, but this shit might be why people keep leaving the team. Perhaps devs don’t enjoy having no time on the project while simultaneously being yelled at for not getting it done.2 -
All,
Let's have a quick meeting about today's meeting so we can plan our meeting for tomorrows meeting. Thanks!
Thanks,
Kill myself
5 -
Waiting for a meeting, thought I might as well show off my XPS sticker game.
ALSO, FUCK MEETINGS. MULTIPLE HOURS WASTED FOR SAYING THOUSANDS OF SHITS AND LIKE ONE USEFUL THING.
Edit: legit forgot pic
20 -
I fucking hate this cute little hack my company thinks it's found where if they schedule a meeting at lunchtime in the lunchroom they think it counts as a lunch break11
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!rant
I complained during a dev team review about the too many dev calls/meetings we have that are supposed to improve our productivity but instead feel like interrupting our work and line of thoughts when focusing on something.
I expected the team lead to bash me or say "Nooo, these meetings are important bla bla bla" but he received it quite positively and already changed how we do things.
3 -
Here's a favorite of mine. Managers need to be in meetings to be productive. Developers need to stay far away from meetings to be productive. Managers love to drag developers into meetings and then wonder why their productivity is down.1
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Current mood:
Yet another meeting that I was forced to join where my presence was absolutely not required9 -
SCRUMS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE 15 MINUTES, NOT FUCKING 1.5 HOURS
People who like hearing themselves talk shouldn't be in charge of meetings. We can't get the work done if you keep having meetings to talk about us getting the work done.6 -
That moment you realise why you enjoy the dev life again.
It's been a long time since I've had a solid day of coding, just coding..., no meetings, no wild requests, no crazy issues, no data fixing because someone can't type a number correctly, just me, myself and that keyboard going on a field trip of quality coding time again.
Ah, it's a good day to end the week on!3 -
My team has 1-on-1 check-up meetings with our boss about once a month.
My 1-on-1 today consisted solely of him saying "So I bought a new Porsche, want to see a picture?"
It was a pretty productive meeting, if I do say so myself!3 -
A wild boss appears.
He uses surprise six hours meeting...
It's super effective!
Developer is dazed and confused 😵
3 -
Walk into work.
Sit at desk.
Open Outlook.
*Sees 3 meeting invites for today*
...This is why I drink...4 -
Worst meeting. Hmm..
Embarrassment wise maybe the one where my boss called me the queen of porn in front of everyone. Yes, classy AF. (Just have to know him to know his sense of humor I guess).
Most cringe worthy meeting was probably when our out of state national director came in and basically told us he has no clue what we do nor does her care to learn. We brought up salaries to him as well as we're in the bottom 8th percentile for the industry in our area with HUMONGOUS work loads, like 20 sites per developer at once. This is a huge multi-million dollar corporation, mind you. We told him some of us have to have 3 jobs to survive and he basically said well you're an at will employee so there's the door. He also took phone calls and sent emails during my one on one meeting which we never finished even though he promised to. But he bought us a shirt, so you know, it's all cool. 🙄11 -
Today:
9 am - 2:30 pm - customer mtng
2:45 pm - 3:25 pm - team mtng
3:30 pm - 5 pm - sprint planning mtng
Anyone ever literally be in a meeting the WHOLE day? ... 😢 🔫11 -
Had 4-5 hours of sleep last night because I had to wake up early this morning for an internal demo of the feature I worked on. It was scheduled early morning because the boss was busy.
I come to the office looking like a zombie, practically sleep walking my way to the office, and guess what... The app server is down! Yay.
I had to reschedule it to right in the middle of lunch time because hey... The boss is busy. Now everyone in the team hates me for ruining their lunch.
Now I'm sitting here, staring at my code, remembering the sweet luxury of sleep.2 -
It's so depressing when you commit more code on your personal projects than you do at work. Meetings and workshops are a killer.4
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worst part of working in scrum: trying to remember what you worked on Friday for Monday morning's stand-up meeting.2
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Things I imagine when talking to the client
1. Setting his tie on fire
2. My boss kissing him on his forehead as he explains the go live strategy
3. Him bending over and picking up a quarter stuck to the ground and then getting run over by a grandma on her mobility scooter3 -
So the CEO tells me our new release needs to be compliant with new guidelines. I say sure, I draft up a few small changes and send them to my PM. He calls an impromptu meeting with the UI team and I explain my changes. They don't like them. They then proceed to draft and redesign a new UI based on these new requirements, I tell them that they are overthinking everything and remind them of the rules of KISS. 45 minutes of me silently waiting and an entire 4x8 whiteboard of designs, I tell them this is an entire redesign and that we will never make our end of the year deadline. PM goes silent for a minute, then responds "yeah I guess your right, let's just implement your original changes"5
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Just had the first meeting in the new company I'm working at.
Started at 1:00 pm
Ended at 5:30 pm
Almost had to slap myself in order to stay awake
😴6 -
As a Java developer I didn't write a line of code at work for about 2 months. Been so busy with meetings, doc, governance, architecture decisions, running after people for approvals,... I really miss coding.2
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You fucking piece of crap of an idiotic client. What the fuck do you need to know more than “job will start upon signing the quote”? A fucking bouquet of flowers? And now you need a meeting to “improve communication between you and us”. Read the fucking emails, I’m not your fucking employee. “Why should we wait that we approve the ticket or whatever to get the job done?” BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A FUCKING MAINTENANCE CONTRACT. I am not your buddy and I don’t fucking do favours. You want the job done? Either you accept the quote, or you accept the ticket request, or you subscribe to a fucking prepaid or flat maintenance contract. It’s simple as that you fucking elephant broken Asshole.
Fuck you and your fucking meeting requests.7 -
My team lead is off this week and I was selected to be the "acting team lead". So far I have attended 73648283 meetings. Please pray for me!2
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My team has regular daily meetings they all call scrum. Meetings like 1+ hours. I wanna immolate myself in protest!2
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Why the hell there is a skype meeting with around 100 participants... And all i have to do is just connect and listen to same 2-3 persons... Repeatedly.
PS- mostly no one even listens😑9 -
It happened.
It finally fucking happend, I wish it didn't, but it happened.
I was in my very first call through zoom were I didn't even speak and didn't even really need to listen.
About 1h.
Everything could have been an e-mail, of course16 -
so I had a very important video conference for some rather large cloud infrastructure that Im engineering. I decide to look "smart" so i decided to wear a jersey during the video call. I aced the meeting, happy people all round. I walk to my room and my wife says "you do know your jersey is inside out...and back to front..and the label is sticking out from under your chin....How did the meeting go?" me:"..fine until you pointed out a look like a 2 year old dressed me !" ... well thats one way to kill the happy feels!3
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Meetings... They say coding is 70% thinking and well.. I find meetings to be a great place to think about what am currently working on. I go in with a sketch book and sketch away. I always figure out whatever is bugging me by the end of the meeting. After all the PM will send a summary of whatever I may have missed during the meeting
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Two of them, both are not very extrem.
Positive one first:
Meetings were usually not dead serious (unless there was a problem), everyone just joked around a little, made their actual points and got back to work.
Now the other one:
A client's QA staff commented "this bug is still occuring" on 5 tickets, without checking if they ever deployed the new release candidate.
They didn't deploy the new RC, so of course, the bugs couldn't have been fixed on their side.2 -
Being a lead developer, I don't know if I am on the side of developers or managers.
In a product roadmap meet today, one of the developers explained the update of last week. He talked for at least 15 mins.
After that the sales lead looked at me, expecting me to explain (or basically dumb it down for her)
Me: Oh, he meant "UI improvements"
She: Oh, why didn't he say so?
I don't know who was the reason for the FacePalm 😐6 -
I love it how managers try to act busy by going through the same mails over and over again while waiting for a new one so that they can instantly reply to it and show themselves off as "prompt" and screw us, who have to actually do some work, about not sending mails promptly and they have like this one single excel sheet opened at all times and they just make one obscure entry whenever they get an update and WOW, some of them don't even know how the fuck you spell Avro (spelt it as avero, handwritten) and oh, not to mention waste everyone's time by asking a mundane question that other managers are so eager to answer, one by one, over and over and did I mention THAT THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HALF THE PRODUCT.
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Too much math ? Seriously ? Had you made the effort to atleast 'look' at them, you would see how simple they are. And just because I use the word 'equation' does not automatically make it a Volterra Integral Equation.
Could've discussed the subject at hand. But no, let's bring on the judgement. Who wants to ever discuss the subject ?4 -
I NEED MY SLEEP FFS!!! It is 06:20 in the morning and I am already on the train to work because one of our managers felt the need to plan a meeting from 08:00 on monday morning to explain EXACTLY why something does not work.
Needless to say that she is no dev (or has technical know how)!
But the best part is:
THE INVITATION FOR THE MEETING WAS SEND OUT FRIDAY EVENING SO THERE IS NO PREPARATION-TIME WHATSOEVER!!!
Fuck5 -
I cannot attend another 2 hours zoom meeting THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AN EMAIL!
I got PTSD every time I hear teams, skype, or zoom ringtones.8 -
I fucking hate meetings! I just spent 3 hours in a meeting arguing on how to do pull requests to master.
I am now nursing a severe headache of bullshit ideas and loud voices!!!!!!3 -
During my internship.
Got wonderful opportunity to present a project to a senior Director of a different team.
And just moments before meeting, my project stopped working.
Was a disaster.
Later came to know there were internal issues in the service I was using in my project.
Though not my fault, but during the meeting, I managed to show a video of the project.
Let me know if folks wants to know what happened later..3 -
Whoever at Zoom decided that this button needed to be at this location on the Touch Bar ought to be fired.
Out of a cannon.
Into the sun.
Or at the very least doomed to have their desktop or webcam shared at random times during sensitive meetings. It is for the grace of God that the client didn’t catch me straining to hear the awful acoustics in their conference room.
7 -
Unscheduled meetings are the worst.
You preparing whole day to leave early for the day, then manager suddenly puts up an unscheduled meeting. Oh great isn't it!!2 -
A coworker during scrum today: "Last week, I worked on the new feature. Also, I have an announcement for everyone: I'm going through a divorce so I moved in with my parents and will be working remotely for a while. I have no blockers...except for the divorce."1
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Got a middle software developer position at a great company.... wrote 10 lines of code and spent 90% of the time in calls and meetings.
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Corporation.
Meeting with middle level managers.
Me - data scientist, saying data science stuff, like what accuracy we have and what problems with performance we managed to solved.
Manager 1: Ok, but is this scrum?
Manager 2: No they're using kanban.
Manager 3: That's no good. We should be using DevOps, can we make it DevOps?
So yea, another great meeting I guess..4 -
Today we had our first standup. We sat for all 90+ mins of it. The irony. Maybe the standing part isn’t that important? Or maybe it went for 90 mins because we weren’t standing? Sigh. Save me.7
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At my job in the past week there have been at least one 1 hour-long meeting every day with today hitting the record with 3 meetings.
This is fucking insane. I signed to a developer job, not a guy-sittimg-and-listening job.2 -
(in a meeting between o&m team and business partners to assign priorities to various tasks)
I.T.: So what priority would you put this new task?
Business : it's our 1.
I.T.: ok, and this other one?
B: it's a 1.
I.T.: ... -
We have a Monday meeting at 07:30. Yes, I have to BE at work at 07:30.
Now, my boss knows full well that I have to fight through traffic every single fucking day and also that I travel for on average just over an hour. Some days we're looking at closer to 2 hours!
And, without fail, the meeting will start at 07:30 with or without me. There are days that I catch the arse end of the meeting (like today) or other days were I miss the meeting altogether.
I'm done with this company in any case and am currently looking for alternative employment. And I'm also done with going to these people and talking about this!9 -
So, the moment I started as a BA in a health insurance company, my Quora feed gets populated with Dilbert comics, and I can finally relate to them.
Thanks Machine Learning!
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Next time I have to negotiate a contract I'm gonna ask for x hourly but 2x for meetings
Fuck meetings3 -
I think my boss hates me 🤭 she accepted my meeting invite, I made eye contact with her on my way to the meeting room, she just looked up and then back down. Now here I am, been waiting for her to show up for 10 minutes 🙃6
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My 12 year old bag, now with graphics, goes with me to client meetings and acts as a deterrent for clients talking shit/fake knowledge or cliches.
3 -
Meeting101:
1) Schedule a meeting to discuss some important issues.
2) Discuss everything but those issues!
3) Schedule another meeting for same issues.
😭2 -
Migration in progress (long one, lasting over a month)
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to discuss migration progress
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to agree on what should we test
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to get specs of the new infra
Seriously, PMs. One 1 hour long meeting costs at least 4 hours of productive time (1 hour for travel, 1 hour for the meeting, 1+ hour for preparing for the meeting, 1+ hour for post-meeting discussions). And more often than not all meetings end with "We will come back to you later in regards to <some question not answered during meeting>" and it always means "we'll continue this chat via emails"
Why can't you first ask "do we need a meeting or can we sort this out via email?" ??? Or are you intentionally wasting everyone's time?4 -
Hey Chris can you join this conference call where we will talk about hardware and pricing options and not bring up anything software related.3
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Meetings. I don't know how management people get anything done, but the time I spend in meetings counts completely opposite, in terms of productivity.
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Got a new guy. Having a dumb meeting. New guy is humblebragging. It is making the dumb meeting longer. I feel angry. Like Warren Moon must have felt in 1995. He is a PhD. That's probably why. Ugh.1
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Sitting in a board room with about 20 people all who have flown in from different parts of the world to discuss the project plan for a web app with an international user base.
We are discussing a web form with a dynamic layout based upon the users profile. Users enters a ton of information, calculations, are made, and info in stored into a db. Info can be updated and will be reported upon later.
One of the project leads representing Europe suggest that the form be exported into Excel so that the user can fill it out in Excel only to be imported via the application. WTH!!!! Later I found out this was that leads 2nd week with the company. Why were you even at the meeting and why did you have input?4 -
Had another meeting today. The solution architect said two insulting jokes about developers like:
"The devs will nevertheless mess it up"
Devs are the ones who make chaos
This meeting was with a customer and his developer. I was just furious!
This useless son of a bitch needs to learn his lesson3 -
Sat in a 4 hours "strategic" planning meeting on a Saturday.! The kinda stuff that makes me want to drink this:
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Smartphone manufacturers these days, imagine how meetings to come up with ideas for new products go about.
Product manager :ok people,what can we do to make our next smartphone 'different'.
Employee 1: let's add more cameras
Employee 2:Let's kill the notch
Employee 3:Let's include the buzzword AI in all of our marketing
Employee 4:Let's put 8Gb of Ram in our phone
Employee 5:Let's just do all of those things and also give it a screen with a ridiculous aspect ratio and unnecessarily high resolution.3 -
Business logic:
Meeting starts at 9:45 AM. They only really wanna talk about the features they have on the horizon and how innovative and distruptive and rich we'll be. We spend 10, maybe 15 minutes talking about UI and details of the feaure. The meeting ends a few minutes before 12, so that's 2 hours of lunch (I wanna respect the schedules we had pre-covid to keep that rhythm). I start working again at 2 PM, but 15 minutes later, I get called again by one of the managers to hear more about this new great new idea they have.
So I work about 7-9 hours a day. But HR and management want to spend 3 of those hours. Suggestion: we'd improve our productivity by about 35% if we cut those daily meetings.6 -
Why can't meeting organizer enforce time schedule, especially ending?
It's pretty much normal to stay 1,5 hour on 1 hour meeting.1 -
I am working with a team that's producing tons of new services..
And me being a fresher, reading new designs every other day with God knows complex implementations and business requirements and attending design review meetings(where I can barely understand anything)
having a great learning curve..
Hopefully, I survive this period and cope up with the inputs...
Note: Just don't ask what's my contribution.. I am gearing up for the D-Day to make my impact(not a negative one).. 😎 -
Getting real tired of people posting meetings only for you to join when they end. How hard is it to have you meeting at the time you set it for? Holy shit!1
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"we need to reduce the amount of meetings" said the super-duper senior enterprise manager who invited me to 20 meetings for the next 2 weeks.
To be honest, I haven't figured out yet what he is actually doing 💅2 -
After some months as head of our software department and one meeting after another I finally had a chance to program again for a whole day... I instantly felt happy for the first time in a while. I think taking this role on was the worst idea I had in my life... now I have to change this3
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People that don't realize their microphone is feeding back everyone's voice into the meeting. Mute your fucking mics people, or better yet buy a fucking pair of headphones or earbuds!4
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Meetings would be better without people.
I mean I like the IDEA of meetings...
Honestly I'm the type of person who if I could would schedule lots of meetings to make sure we're all on the same page, and to be sure the thing is going to do the thing everyone wants / get their perspective, etc. I really want to KNOW what the folks who are going to use this thing need / want / what works best for them.
On the other hand I know that meetings are often more like:
Me: "Ok let's so here's our data, now tell me what fields they want to edit and so forth."
People: "All of them."
Me: "Uh, no you don't want that or they'll break everything ... X, Y and Z require those fields for A, B, and C to work."
Me: "Let's go field by field and you tell me if they need to edit it, and why."
People: "Yeah this first one they have to be able to change this one."
Me: "Wait no, that's the primary key for that table, I don't know why that's on this list but no you can't change that."
People: "Yeah we have to be able to change that."
Me: "No, you can't, do you even know what that number IS?"
People: "Um... no ..."
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻2 -
Me - 1+1 is 2
Client : Did you say 1+1 is 2
Because even i thought 1+1 is 2 and i think we should go ahead with 1+1 2 because that seems like a good thing to me.
***"1+1 is 2" can be replaced by some long tech discussion
#my brain hurts3 -
Had to wake up 1 hour earlier today, and the worry of that kept me awake last night. Now I sit here like a zombie, hating the day that I'm going to have, which is not full of exciting coding with headphones on and Babymetal in my ears, but full of meetings.
I already see my eyes tearing up, reality fading, a guy in a meeting asking me something and pulling me back to reality so that I could stare blankly into his eyes and reply a generic "Yeah, I agree with your proposal", so everyone will think that I'm on drugs or something.
Welp... gotta go. Fuck.2 -
Just came up with something inspired by @librarycomic for use at the very start of every meeting with the customer.
"You have the right to remain silent. Any ridiculous specs or illogical features that you say can and will be laughed at in the back project office room.
Any real questions you ask will be answered to the best of our ability, as long as they don't violate privacy or the law or the internet.
You have the right to be in a hurry or tighten the deadline, but not to expect that it will cost the project any less.
With these rights in mind, let us begin our progress meeting. On to you."
Feel free to fork and contribute! :D -
Why doesn't Skype of business have an application for Linux? Every company meeting where a developer isn't involved is run on sfb. Being on Ubuntu it is hard to attend any such meeting. Any meeting between developers is on zoom so we're good.
We can't really convince every one (other than developers) to start using zoom.
Do we have any other alternatives? Is this a lost cause?20 -
Meetings.. Was I not listening? Blame it on the ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).
Maybe society has AEHD (Attention Expected Hyper-Delusion).
Seriously, who can pay attention to someone speaking AT you.
We have amazing magical devices one can enchant to do their bidding; Contemplating the details of such, often, is more enjoyable than what your rambling on about, talking head.
Not sorry, ;).
Also THANK YOU, you amazing MIT's (Manager of Information Technologies). A lot of you understand and even may use your underling employee's as a vented heat sync for your frustrations. I love what you do and thank the universe I don't have to engage myself in those activities. I have sympathy for the decision to give up your jeans and t-shirts for business attire; keep strong, your role is vital. <3
The insomnia is going to have to give me a break. Work in 3 hrs, time for a nap; and no, I don't take ADD medication (Amphetamine). I don't need a prescription; I can procure my own drugs, thank you.
Nor would I do them to get through work, that's drug abuse.
5 -
Monday morning client meetings are usually a pain. If they're not delayed once, they're delayed twice, and they go on for hours, taking up the entire morning for everyone on the project.
To make today even better, it was about an hour of our client ripping into us developers on the project, and the application we're making, to shreds, saying that we have a lack of attention to detail and are working well.
(not bearing in mind, we're building a hybrid application, so it's a glorified web page and we can't test on every android phone, or iOS device and any combination of keyboards for those in between, and every problem comes with its own quirks when you're forcing things with html, js and angularjs).
I feel back for the pm, she had literally 5 more hours of salty, salty calls with our other poc about the issues raised and how we could go about fixing all these minor issues, since they know the solution to them, despite having little to zero technical knowledge.
Just another day in the office I guess. -
Yay! Another meeting to go over a design concept for the next version of our website, awesome this makes meeting 163
-
Why do you invite devs to a meeting if your going to ignore all the points citing it's a business decision?1
-
Avoid face to face meetings, have con calls
Avoid con calls, have email chains
Avoid email chains, do one on one mails
Avoid mails, text
Ignore texts -
That moment when: you lift your gaze from your phone to understand the sudden quiet is because your expert opinion is needed in the meeting.
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I hate meetings that could have been just checking the Jira to see what everyone is working on... Getting 5 people together to individually mention what they're working on... So inefficient7
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How long do you think code reviews should be? Ours can run from anywhere between 10 minutes to 4 hours4
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boss. "I have a one o'clock meeting" Project Manager "uuuuuh, it's after one" boss: "it's an asynchronous meeting"
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Technical meeting
We were at technical meeting a while ago, they discussed our infrastructure implementation, all was good.
Then some motherfucker of our technicians, suggested that we should move to bitbucket, I fought fiercely to don't even think about leaving bitbucket.
Suddenly the cock swallowers bosses agreed to bitbucket, they submit their changes.
10 min after the meeting i broke into the biggest boss room, gave him my resignation letter, I just told him, signing your acceptance to move to bitbucket, you should sign this too.
Boom, assholes.
I'm free now.3 -
Last week my PM scheduled a meeting for the whole team of 14 devs to talk about our tasks, how we can improve our workflow, so he's up to date on daily stuff nad sprint progress. After an hour and a half of lots of brainstorming i just asked
- what exactly do you want to achieve with all these changes?
- basically i would like on overview of current progress on each task
And he proposed couple of different meetings during the sprint, which would waste dev time. He proposed to apoint one person reaponsible to keeping him informed during each sprint. He proposed we change our meetings, our process, all of it.
So I just sat with my laptop during the same meeting and I prepared a jira board with swimlanes, filters, etc. Where you can sort by priority, size, what is blocked, what is, waiting in queue, what is being currently developed, what is being tested, what's ready for deployment, etc. Easy. 5-10mins of work.
- does this solve your problem?
-....
- you have everything here
-... What if someone doesn't update the ticket status?
- we check everything during our dailies, so, worst case scenario is the status is not update for 24h
-... Umm.. Yeah.. I think thats it. Thank you.
So, we basically wasted 20+ man-hours on another bullshit meeting because the guy thats supposed to be using these tools doesn't know them at all. After working here for 6 months. -
We had a floor meet early morning, regarding some business advancements and new "business framework" in our company.
Guess who took a sick leave.
PS : Apparently tech is not the only field with buzzwords.
PPS : Floor meets? Early morning? Why? -
Tales From "PM vs Chen"
PM: *Walks up to Chen's cube*
Chen(that's me): *Taking off headphones* "Are we about to have another meeting about the meeting we just had?"
PM: "Yes"
Chen: "Okay. Just checking." *Waits for PM to share his thought*
PM: We're almost done.
Chen: "Yes" *Waits again for PM to share his thoughts*
PM: *While walking away* "Making Progress"2 -
Been invited to a bi-weekly meeting about a project that I'm not even working on yet.
I think I'll just go and cut my own brake cables then drive home. -
MEETINGS
Daily stand up
Weekly status
Fortnightly update
Monthly planning
Life would be so much simpler without meetings. Just chat, why fuss over "meeting"?
As it is most of the things don't go as per what's planned in the monthly planning meeting.
Neither is there much of an update in the fortnightly update meeting. Only update is what we planned, isn't the right direction.
This will obviously screw up the weekly status. Screwed up planning is dishevelled implementation.
Daily stand up is just very sleep deprived developers, who don't wanna talk.
Make it my time's worth; say no more meetings. -
"Standup" meetings are based on the assumption that standing up gets uncomfortable after a while. In our team however, the meetings are not getting any briefer, we are just getting fitter. Perhaps we should introduce some more uncomfortable position, such as jump-up-and-down daily scrums, or yoga daily scrums.5
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When you have so much work
To do, but can't start any of it until you have the meetings about it. Meetings meetings meetings.2 -
The best parts of day are meetings with my boss. Meetings where said boss is always late, and inevitably asks "is it time"!
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I was sent to sit-down with client in a meeting.
They basically discussed their findings.
(By "discussed" meaning just reading the contents of their presentation.)
In the end of the meeting. They said they'll email the presentation.
Another classic "I survived another meeting that could've been just an email"1 -
That moment, in a meeting when you are trying to show a technical flaw in a manager idea... And suddenly you have a déjà vu moment from the "The Expert" comic sketch...
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Our associate program manager is currently giggling at her desk on facebook and we have a meeting in 5 minutes. A senior dev finally gotup and went to setup the meeting room... triggers the shit out of me when producers / program management dont setup meetings that they scheduled.1
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2 things that piss me off as a professional developer doing contract work...
1. A fellow dev accepts a meeting invite, doesn’t show up and won’t pick up the phone.
2. A fellow dev taking a meeting in a noisy place with bad wifi.
This guy has now managed to pull #1 last week and #2 this week...
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So my team (read: not the team at all) has decided that we are going to scrum. Someone ease tell me it's not as fucking tedious as it sounds. Sounds like it's just more meetings. Especially on this team which is actually already pretty agile. And the way our "certified scrum master" describes the retrospective sounds like it was designed by the type of shitlord PM that forces everyone to wear ugly t-shirts to the mandatory company barbecue for "team building". Please tell me he's just a terrible salesman.7
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When you bullsh*t stuff the whole meeting, then they setup a meeting tomorrow to continue where you left off today
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Corporate bullshit and bloated systems...
I keep on getting sucked into meetings where I know what each word means but the sentaces don't make sense -
Just dozed off for 30mins during this meeting, and only 2 mins have passed...
Hate when this happens! -
Having a meeting to decide, when to have other meetings...
Scrum, scrum of scrums, workstream, planning, pm ,design review, architecture review, Sprint review on and on....on and on on...why can't i simply code:(4 -
Am I the only one who feels like morning scrum meetings are a complete waste of time? At least in the way that my team does them. It's 30 minutes of "I did this thing yesterday, and I will continue to do that same thing today." All of this information can be sent in an email, but we insist on meeting every morning to say the same exact things.
For the past 3 weeks, the majority of the team has said the same exact things during scrum: "I continued to work on this big feature yesterday. Thank you." Like how does a detailed retelling of what this person did yesterday pertain to the rest of the team? It's just meeting for the sake of meeting, and talking for the sake of talking.
If you have this little technical issue that only pertains to work that this single person is doing, then meet with that person separately and discuss it. There's no reason to make everybody else sit and listen to information that will never be useful to them.
And most of the time, this scrum stems into spontaneous unplanned longer meetings afterwards. So suddenly this "quick" 30 minute scrum turns in 2-hours of meetings and a morning wasted on information that could've easily been discussed over email instead5 -
And now even the meetings I am not invited to are interrupting my work flow. Seriously. I need to collaborate with two people, one of whom is the SME for the piece of code I am working in who just got back from vacation, which he left on after breaking his algorithm because apparently due dilligence is lost on this guy. My other collaborator and I have been fighting this fire for two days. And they both get whisked off into another meeting before I can get ANY information out of any of them. But sure. We're only in a day by day schedule slip. With customers depending on our delivery in order to test their project. I am not work it OT for these fuckers because they decided that having a meeting is more important than. Delivering a damn reliable product.3
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I'm tired of our daily support meeting. That's almost one hour i lost everyday in which i could ne productive in my project🙄
Everyday the god damn same stories about our dumb customers and at the end nothing change...
Maybe i'll start draw all my colleagues, while i sit there😄 -
Yay my first day back and I'm 1 hour and 15 minutes late because the main road I take into work was a parking lot. And then I have to go directly into the world's longest meeting. And I have a peer review to do so I guess no dev soon for me today.
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I really dislike being the only remote in meetings.
Everyone keeps talking to eachother in person, and I can't hear them. Letting them about that is such a pain.
Every comment you make sounds like it's interrupting the conversation as well. It really sucks... -
As an intern a couple of years ago I was in a meeting about our department were having to many meetings. The outcome was two more meetings and a workshop about how to have more efficient meetings.
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Just got summoned to a meeting from lunch to end of the day, in the OTHER office, 2+ hours away. On friday. Video not an option. That sucks!2
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Setting up the meeting agenda in an accessible place (the same doc used for every recurring meeting which is accessible by everyone in the team) and having the calendar invite that goes to their emails... And guess what?
Those SCABBY NUMPTIES still find a way not to see the fucking video conference link (or sort out their calendar, they are freaking CS grads) and then proceed to spend at least half the meeting (and often showing up late) not having a clue what was expected of them...
YA DIMWIT!! EVERYTHING IS IN THE SAME DOCUMENT, AND YET YOU DIDN'T KNEW WHAT TASKS YOU HAD TO DO BEFORE, INCLUDING THE ONES YOU WERE TOLD TO DO WEEKS AGO???
They all have a BSc in CS (one of which has a MSc) and yet shit like this happens occasionally.
And that happened several times.2 -
This is one of the weird moments that I have seen.
The company management decided to have a presentation session where they wanted to answer some questions and present some new ways of working (they emphasize about communication aspect).
I joined a couple of minutes before the meeting schedule and I was surprised to see a presentation going on and the meeting ended in 5 mn.
I get into self-doubt mode and I was checking if I have an issue with my calendar and discovered that the meeting schedule was updated but I didn't receive an update.
And the fun part, most of the new joiners didn't receive that update as well, so it's was a nice sign to show how inclusive the environment is, and how do they care about communication :D1 -
Had a four hour retro/review yesterday. Plus a mini demo I had to put together. Three hour sprint planning session today.
And they still wanted me to go to some "company values" meeting tomorrow, aside from the weekly call I have to report progress. Fuck that shit.
I feel like I got nothing done this week. Monday and Tuesday were fine for the most part, but since it's been just complete idling.
I mean, I love my company, great coworkers, good management, and just all around great experience. But man, it gets frustrating when you lose so much development time... I wanted to sprinkle in some extra goodies for the next sprint, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.2 -
Went to the client meeting for the first time. Neve saw a group of people collectively trying hard Not to make a point.2
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We have company wide communications such as Skype and WebEx, so why the fuck do people feel the need to hold an ad hoc meeting right behind my desk? Thank God for NC headphones.2
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I'm in our biweekly architecture meeting. I feel like Denny Crane in Boston Legal: everything is fuzzy and I have no idea what's going on.1
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Meetings are the way of parasites to keep shining without doing shit. Why do they gave to drag me into their bullshit meeting?!$&
2 -
Jfc why do phone meetings always have like 20 cumulative minutes of radio silence? I swear, I ask a question and I may as well be listening for a pin to drop over there because no one in team leadership is saying a n y t h i n g.
It's upsetting because it makes me painfully anxious because Oh God What Did I Say but more than that, it feels like this huge waste of time to just...sit there. On the phone. And then when we go over time later in the middle of pointing a user story leadership's like, "Hey, can we wrap this up?" like sorry? That's not...my fault? I'm...
And I totally get it if you can't answer my question immediately, but if it takes you more than like a minute to come up with something just gimme a, "I'll get back to you on that," and move on. No need to wait for the end days, dude. We've got lives to live and better things to do, Clearly.4 -
The PM asks me almost hourly about my progress on this project. I am slowly training him to ask me through PM instead of face to face.
Meetings are now being taken at my desk through apps like Hangouts Meet instead of the Conference Room.
I'm chipping away, guys and gals....I'm chipping away.3 -
!wk94
Those meetings.
Those bloody meetings are nothing but time suckers. Much akin to some family event where they bring everyone together, regardless of their relevance to the agenda.
Also, the fact that we have been scheduling some important meeting always since 2 fucking months, only to be declined ALWAYS. The bloody meeting has been floating as an action item for 2 months, but none gives a fuck.
But no, we want to have meetings about meetings, and meetings about why a meeting didn't happen.
Also they ask us to stretch and accommodate, sucking time out of dev.
W H Y ?1 -
of late my team has slipped in the rather irritating habit of not scheduling review meetings; instead they just announce during scrum that they'll have a review right after scrum. this just messes up the day. you go to scrum thinking 15-20 minutes, and boom you end up with 3 hours of back to back unscheduled meetings1
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I would be fine with not having this meeting if it hand been on the books for 2 weeks. But I didn't want to have it and now I'm the only one here.1
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Blindsided by a project meeting 5 mins to end of day when I was super busy and I've spent all day dealing with shitty hacked together legacy code, requirements changing everyday and still no business solutions to some areas of the project. We already have one booked in for tomorrow at 10. What the fuck. Needless to say I pretty much shouted about everything to everyone. Fucking joke. Now I'm just mad at me for letting my blood boil externally
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Put the meeting agenda in the meeting invite: after a few meetings of you referring to those notes in a condescending manner, people will get the hint that you want them to familiarize themselves with the agenda before the meeting. It also gives you a nice reference point if you ever get off topic.
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I'm beginning to understand that thing about useless meetings that can be sorted out with an email.1
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as usual... someone presents something in the biweekly developers meeting, it gets highly critizised by most devs, and yet the day after everyones trying it out. Sometimes is hard to understand how devs think =/1
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The people who run these scheduling meetings need to remember that this building is just one big tinder box ready to go up in smoke. 30+ minutes talking about bull shit that only affects a small percentage of the team. AND we're behind and dealing with a push that happened on a Friday before the guy who wrote the code left for vacation to go to Tennessee to watch the eclipse for some reason.
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So, PM who has arranged 1.30 hours of meeting to ask us about 'the agenda' requested by client, decided to send 'another agenda' asking explanation what client exactly wants, which clearly wasn't the agenda of this meeting.2
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The amount of dry runs we need to do for a "laid back" presentation is fucking insane. Every other day we waste 30 minutes to an hour going over the same information and to top it off it's during lunch time.
Lunch meetings should be discouraged in the office, and I should be able to leave a meeting if I'm getting no value from it.
Just really sick of wasting time on shit that does not matter. -
Meetings, meetings and more meetings ....... what's that, you want me in another meeting that could have been an email !!
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Couple hours before:
Management: "Emergency/last minute Meeting in 2 hours! Please attend"
Meeting time:
Management: "We just wanted to let you know that our mask usage is being changed to fit the recent CDC guidance"
Total time wasted: 6 minutes. 12 if you count the time for any questions.1 -
In summary, we're all agreed that we should have a meeting next week, to discuss what we should talk about in the meeting the week after.
AHHHHH! -
When you complain about having too many meetings, and then get invited to a meeting to discuss other meetings FMDL 😡1
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At the end of the sprint half of the stories didn't get done due to lack of coordination to put 4 people in the same room and get them to agree on the solution.
During Retro my Scrum Master says: Are these stories not done because we haven't estimated them during sprint planning? 😂 -
// long rant sorry
A few jobs ago I had a meeting that was scheduled for 15 mins. It was not going to be a bad meeting. I was looking at the people that were invited a few dev's, few pm's, and this one guy (Fuck!!). This one guy we will call him R.
So R is a pm but not just any pm he is the pm that will keep asking why like a 5 year old trying to understand how a car works. To top it off he loved to debate in the work place anything and everything. How something worked or why something was the way it is.
So this one meeting was about a project that I had started on my own and turned in to this huge project. I was super excited it was one of those project that you are excited to work on and love to add new things to it. The meeting was to talk about how it was going to be used and what customers sites this was going to be added to in the coming weeks. 15 mins not bad.
Well the meeting comes we finished in about 10 mins I was trying to get out of the room before R started. Well I waited a little a little to long and sure enough he asked the question. "What about this drop down?". Instantly I thought "FUCK!!! Here we go." Now I don't remember what his exact question was about said drop down but it ended extending the meeting by another 30 mins with me almost cussing him out and walking away.
There was a heated debate about this thing and R continuing to ask questions and want to debate this. I was only saved by the lead dev and lead pm say that they think that this is something that could be talked about at a later date. Lucky for me I was leaving the company in the following weeks. -
Fellow devs, I want to hear your opinions on Scrum and daily stand up meetings. Do you think they're necessary?
God, I really hate that I'm required to participate in a meeting EVERY FUCKING DAY.6 -
Apparently some manager in the company found out that we produce less bugs if there are more meetings (there is literally no time to write actual code). At least that is the only explanation which comes to my mind WHY I HAVE TO SIT IN THESE SHITTY DISCUSSIONS THE WHOLE DAY TO DISCUSS THE SAME ISSUES AGAIN AND AGAIN.
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Meeting rooms... it Made me giggle.
Original was a gif was a gif on LinkedIn in from Netflix post.
https://linkedin.com/feed/update/...
1 -
I hate so much all those sprint related meetings. They literally take one day totalled (every 2 weeks).
Review, dry run demo, actual demo, planning, daily hourly meetings.... so much talking.8 -
New types of calls. Team members need some help from me, I go on call to help them out, once the issue is fixed they just keep me on the call for company while they go about doing their tasks. Dude, even I've work to finish 😑2
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I really like my boss, but...
whenever he is in the meeting it takes instead of 5-10 minutes about 45-60 minutes.
and we have 3 meetings a day... I'm glad I can just keep working now as I am in homeoffice -
I had my first client meeting today.
Now I understand the pain of dealing with clients rather than doing work.
I don't relish the fact I had to stay an extra 2 hours either. -
doing documentation in word and having meetings about it, code reviews where people say great code quality with all good practices but... we would like to do it differently, reasons? less lines of code but real reason is not understanding design patterns, also 6 levels of hierarchy and wasted effort to prove that approach is good and considered as good practice just to be changed by someone who doesn't write code anymore. Decisions that other approach is better because they did it that way 10 years ago on last project where they were developers on totally different tech stack. dear friends, welcome to corporation!1
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TMW you go to a meeting to be presented to an idea you gave two meetings ago.
Them: what do you think, guys? We all onboard? -
When someone cancels your meeting and schedules their meeting ontop of it because they wanted the fucking room... and then comes in half way through your meeting and says they have the room booked.
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A parade of planning meetings every Monday where the whole executive team (including the CEO) sits in. Each meeting was an hour long and it took up their whole day.
It was ridiculous how unproductive that was. Continues to this day AFAIK! -
Im backend dev. I just had a meeting with the full team to discuss the ui design and implementation...
But I dont see my full team meetings to discuss the sofware design and architecture... u.u3 -
What's really the matter with meetings?
I mean, we've all been annoyed at some point by some management person scheduling meetings we think of as pointless but I've actually found myself enjoying going to one where people can discuss and share ideas (dev related, mostly).
Sure, it's not great when you are focused and you have to stop to talk to some assholes sometimes but other times it didn't bother me to think they value my input/opinion somehow.
Surely the reason for their existence is not to make you waste time, right? 🤔1 -
How do you know it is Monday in the office?
Everybody are either working from home or suddenly took a day off lol -
every fucking time when the product owners start talking absolute shit that you have no idea and you would never need to know or listen to.
ITS A WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE IT OFFLINE. -
!rant
Working on a (mostly) off-grid LAN.
Basically just a real-life meetup in or around Arnhem (eg. somewhere in a park) where we have some banter and some offline IT (or non-IT, whatever people attending want) fun.
Of course, taking the covid-19 shit in mind.
wrote an entire custom DNS server (using DoH only atm) for it, added a Matrix server (along with Element so people have a start) and a wiki for it :)
Still need to add a Gitea server (or similar, any suggestions?) to it tho.
Gonna see to have some trial-runs by myself (or maybe with 1 or 2 people) soon.
Soooo exited o see two months worth of planning and development start coming together :313 -
Meetings...so many meetings! Things that suck the very soul from my body and break me out of the zone I worked so hard to get into. Things that could just be an email, or a chat, or a go-fuck-yourself. 😣😭
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Send the agenda with the invite
Invite only those who can make decisions not those with only opinions
Stick to the agenda
Make the decision at the end of the meeting and stick to it.
Begins and end on time
If the decision can be made without a meeting (like via email) then do so. -
Actually there are some things:
- Knowing when to stop or switch off from work;
- Too many video calls and meetings;
- No lunch time with team mates;
And many more that I'm sure that I'm forgetting 😅 -
(after morning coffee) Today I’ll change the world and write the most elegant and revolutionary piece of code ever.
(end of day, after 8 zoom meetings and 5 gdocs comment rounds) guess i’ll do these 2 PR reviews tomorrow.1 -
Have a presentation with my team finish it 15 min before a standup meeting with the same team suggest starting it right afterwards...nope we can wait 15mins...to talk to each other again...
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here we go again
the remote-retrospective-where-most-of-the-team-are-muted-and-clearly-tweeting-or-doing-other-stuff
any ideas on how to improve this?15 -
I think it's a bad sign when you walk out of a meeting thinking:
"Wow finally a meeting that wasn't a complete waste of time and didn't make me want to (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ "
*sigh*1 -
My company inherited a video conference tool called Video Butler (with Zoom) from our parent. I personally have never used it, seems more a tool that's wired in and only used by execs and parent company, regardless it annoys the shit out of me. You can be in a room and all of a sudden the room switches to video conference mode with no input from those in the room. I have seen video conferences where people are chatting over room speakers to an empty room, or in a really weird situation where 2 empty rooms are connected and sending a video feed to each other. Guess the ghosts needed a conference or something. I get that things happen and managers have a lot of meetings so it's easy to lose track of details, but I genuinely don't get why any system would just connect rooms without allowing the rooms a say. The only security we have to detect it would be that our cameras move for streaming, not that anyone would notice based on past experience.1
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Stuck in a meeting right now, which diverged from a parenthesis meant to comment a digression of the main topic. Wish me luck guys, I'm here for the afternoon
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Every week you meet with the loneliest dumb person explaining what you had already explained the last week.
Even now I remember the week that it all started. It all happened when I got the job 😅 -
What is the general rule/idea around meetings outside of your work hours?
It has happened several times that I wasn't able to join some meetings that were outside of my work hours. I try to join but some thing or the other comes up and then I miss it. I make sure to join any meeting that's highly important or if it's about anything related to my work (or if I'm required to attend).
I work with people in different time zones and there was a meeting set after 8:30pm my time, and I wasn't able to join. My coworker messaged me, in a passive aggressive way (seemingly), asking if he needs to remind me before every meeting in my calendar so that I would join.
I feel like I'm not being paid enough for the work that I do, and I work around 8-9 hours (sometimes 10 and I don't get paid for overtime).
On top of that, am I obligated to attend every meeting and not have anything planned or unplanned to do after work hours? (I don't think I should have any obligation)
I don't have previous experience of working with international teams/clients before, so I'm not sure what I should do here.9 -
How can I tell if someone is scheduling too many meetings to avoid doing work or they are just misguided?
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