Me and my wife are software engineers
Started dating while doing a project together
I guess you could say that we...
MERGED WITHOUT CONFLICTS

😀😀😀😁😁😁😁😆😆

Cloud storage subscription for 100 years, will you live until it expires!

Microsoft creates a new chat bot:
Day 1
User : hi
Chatbot: hello, how's yours day? 😁

One month later:
User: hi
Chatbot: fuck off your piece of shit.😡

Not sure what's going on 😅

As much as i love Ubuntu... This is so true.

The post button should say "Commit"

Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??

Me: It's not that easy believe me.

Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?

Me: :/

Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...

Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.

"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"

I left the building at that exact moment.

This is not really a rant, but...dude.

I was browsing github for a suitable library when i found a test repo of someone. A script inside and at the top he wrote his authentication token. I first thought it was a placeholder or an example or a test he used. No. I entered the token and could control his instance of the app. I sent him a message to disable this token.

Everyone has a test environment. If you're lucky, you'll have a separate production environment too.

Wife : Lets try some other position tonight.

IT support guy : raise a ticket for change request

😂😂😂😂

Performance Optimization: when you spend 3 days, to improve site loading by 0.5 secs.

absolutely

Mobile websites

*Now that's what I call a Hacker*

MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS

This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.

xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.

xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"

xxx: You're gonna love this

xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.

xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".

xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.

xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.

xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those

Credit: http://bit.ly/1jcTuTT

The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
https://github.com/narkoz/...

Happy new year guys 😊

Am I the only one around here who does not drink coffee?

Just got my wireless, noise cancelling headphones for Christmas! Open floor plan, be damned!

Happy Xmas to everyone in this great community!!!

🎄🎄I hope Santa brings you lots of patience for the future bugs of 2017 😉

Ha good try

"Wireless Mouse"
Source: http://redd.it/5it4w9

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

🎶 He's making a list
He's testing it twice
SELECT * FROM users WHERE behavior="nice"
SQL-clause is coming
To town. 🎶

Not his fault. 😂😂