when your janitor knows his audience

correctly named devices

When you consider blocking devrant on your router so you can get some work done...

and this is why continuous integration exists

Holy moved notifications, Batman! I like it, but boy was I confused when my hamburger didn't have lettuce on it.

omg apple does not like to make things easy! Trying to set up developer accounts for a company but a company can't be an agent? a team member who isn't an agent can't create certificates or keys?

Android development seems so easy and nice now

every damn time!

Fighting an IT guy is lot like fighting a pig in mud. After some time you realise pig likes the mud.

I tell a colleague, "Hey, could you make your commits more meaningful? A commit message of '.' helps nobody.".

He then uses 'no message' for his commits.

Also, commits every 30 seconds. I know commit often... But is that really necessary?

Why.

my best coworker is stackoverflow

When the client requirements for the ios/android app is that the source code has to be php...

STICKERS!!

When you opened Visual Studio and before programming you decided to download and install the latest update.. and it started to download 19 GB of updates...

Nice! I will be able to do what I wanted tonight...

The company I work for wants me to create an app to compress "foxit phantompdf" files, so that they are still readable after compression.

(referencing my last rant)

Today morning my sales manager calls me and tells there is a bug in one of the integration module and he tells the client has called us yesterday pls come early to office today and fix it. I asked which end point they have issue, he replies I don't know. I don't know what is the bug where is the bug, but there is a bug when they send data to us, pls find and fix it before 11 am. The worst part of this is that integration module I never worked on and the person who developed it has left the company long before and there is no documentation. when I go to that folder I see many controllers and many end points. now how will I figure out the issue 😂 I don't even know the work flow of that integration. the bug reporter (my sales manager) don't even know at what end point what issue happened.

First time dealing with the rejection process from Apple, and it couldn't be more frustrating. I asked for clarification 3 times and got the same exact response all 3 times... LET ME TALK TO A FUCKING HUMAN!

At this point when I'm asked what I'm doing, my reply is just "computer stuff"

I love refactoring :) just finished going through implementing accrued knowledge from the last 6 months into all my client side code and just doing that opened all kinds of doors for new features and niceties.

usually this happen to me around at 3 or 4 am... 😢

Forgetting/not bothering to bring your laptop to a long, boring meeting.

pm: our client wants a proprietary pdf compression app.
me: Okay gimme 3 days and some sample PDFs.
pm: they won't supply any sample PDFs because they contain confidential information.
me: okay fine, I'll download some from the interwebs.

** 3 days later **

me: here is the pdf compression app. all done and works with all of about 100 PDFs we tested with.
pm: okay great I'll have the client take a look.

** half and hour later **

pm: the client said that the compression app errors out.
me: okay I'll go look at the server logs to see what's up.

** 10 seconds later **

me: what the shit is a "foxit phantompdf" file.
pm: it's the proprietary pdf format that they are using.
me: oh joy. I'll go try to find some sample files and see if I can fix it.

** 1 hour later, no sample files found **

pm: got anything?
me: *sobs obnoxiously*

I just realized a major problem with me when I interview with any company:

Interviewer: How would you begin implementing a system that does xyz thing?

Me: I wouldn't because Google already has controlling market share and I wouldn't want to compete with that.

On a three hour plane ride, and the wifi is down 😨. Three hours of programming without stack overflow... 😤

[Begin Rant] When you show your senior manager your REST Web Service and he says "Oh no nooo... I don't wanna see no code"... Me: Code?? That ain't code you fat silly fucker it's the command line output data which I spent a week parsing, batch processing, and storing into the database! [End Rant] :[

fuck fuck fuck, my host.
gave me 32GB of RAM and a 32bit OS

Birth of a computer..

Trying to be helpful to noobs on Stackoverflow and got downvoted. Doesn't seem to be a particularly cheerful community.

First thing I did after upgrading to iOS 10 is removed Stocks app 😅

God damn, I can't feed my addiction

Story when I worked as a 1st line technician:

Customer: "Yes hello, I'm trying to install Windows as instructed, but the installer is not starting"

Me: "Ok, have you tried pressing [button] at the bootscreen?"

C: "Yes, over and over, still nothing happens"

This was actually one of my first calls, so my co-worker stepped in to help while I listened.

Co-worker: "okay, so when you rebooted the computer, press [button] and tell me what happens"

C: "....okay, I think it's starting"

Co-w: "Great! I'll just wait until it's running"

A minute goes by, installer seems to be running, but then we hear a loud BEEP. It's so loud another coworker hears it from his desk, through our headsets. A moment goes by, and it BEEPS again. Then the sound begins again, but doesn't stop. It's like an air horn at full blow. We ask the customer what he's doing, but he cannot hear us over the constant beep. We're brainstorming what it could be, when he finally says something:

"CAN.. LET.. OF.."

Co-w: "WHAT???"

"CAN I LET GO OF THE BUTTON??"

-----
I think we laughed the whole day