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-
Most embarrassing and lucky moment on the first week of job.
Me and my best friend were selected in the same company as developers. I was having some trouble with my system. So I mailed the description to our support department. Pop up was displayed from our chat client and person on the other end happened to be a lady. She wanted me to share a team viewer link with click access. So I did it and within 2 minutes of efforts she solved it. I thanked her, closed the chat conversation and started installing few packages. Meanwhile, I was curious to see her as she was really nice throughout the conversation. So I opened LinkedIn, searched for her name and found her profile. I zoomed in her photo and she was a pretty chick. I didn't stop and found her on FB too, and quickly saw all her DPs. I just copied her profile URL and sent it to my friend ( the one that got selected with me ) and told him about my conversation with her. Then I asked my friend
"She's hot. Should I send her a friend request or have to find some more troubles in my pc and talk to her few more times ? :P "
He replied "Dude what are you wanting for ? "
Out of no where, a pop up showed up. It was the girl we were talking about. The exact message was
"You can now close your team viewer session, and we can talk over FB :)"
Embarrassing AF!30 -
I was a freshman in highschool when I encountered the book entitled "Teach Yourself Visual Basic 6 in 21 Days"
I loved that book so much that it took me 4 years to finish it.8 -
We must develop and test our code
...via VirtualBox...
...running Windows XP...
...using IE...
..with vanilla Javascript...
...help me...19 -
(During Uni days as a student)
Teacher: Define "Stupidity".
A: "According Miriam-Webster ...."
B: " Its ...... According to .... Encyclopedia"
Teacher: Anyone else?
Me: (Raised hand)
Teacher: Yes?
Me: It means asking stupid question and expecting an intelligent answer.
(The whole class laughed. The teacher's face turned beef red)
😂😂😂7 -
So... There was this one time when I was asked by my -back then- PM/SO to do some overtime. and it goes like this, sort of..
SO: We need you to stay and burn the midnight oil tonight,
Me: Can't I'm on the verge of a breakthrough
SO: You are obligated to.
Me: No can do. Not tonight. Its almost complete.
SO: What is it?
Me: I'm building a time-machine.
SO: 🤔
Me: 😑
SO: That's a fuckin' BS.
Me: Nope. I'm dead serious. Its almost complete. I'll show it to you Monday.
SO: If you're lying, you're gone, get it? 😠
Me: Sure. 😑
So, I wen't home, slept and did some tinkering later on...
[Monday]
SO: (in front of everybody) SO, WHERE IS THIS TIME MACHINE THAT YOU'VE BUILT?
Everyone: 😏😲😫😕
Me: Here you go. I'll give to you free of charge.
Then came the Director:
D: WHAT IS THIS RUCKUS?
Me: I'm showing the SO my time-machine.
SO: THAT IS A GOD-DAMN CLOCK.
Me: Correction. A machine that tells time is a time-machine.
[Long story made short, the damn bully SO resigned in less than a month)
[image is from instructables]
😝😝😝
12 -
"EMINEM!"
An intern just called me Eminem! This is hilarious. People have told me I talk fast in the past but this is the first time my talking has been considered as rapping😛37 -
Client wants a beautiful webpage ASAP.
I just discovered the perfect CSS that will magically fix all of their problems:
body {
display : none ! important;
}
The best part is that its mobile friendly by default.
After all,
Simplicity is key 😉12 -
(After a board meeting, outside the conference room,)
Pm: You're an asshole, you know?!!
Me: Thank you for the compliment.
Pm: That was NOT a compliment!!
Me: How's so?
Pm: You made me look like a fool before the board.
Me: I didn't have to. You already are a fool.
Pm: SEE!! THAT's an asshole.
Me: and its a compliment. I mean, can you really live without one? 😀
Pm: 😭😭😭15 -
So I have a crush on a co-worker, she is also a dev. She is very cute despite her simplicity. I really wanted to talk to her, but I can't start a normal conversation with her. My mind just goes haywire.
BUT, just in case she is also on devRant:
If you happen to be reading this, I am the guy seated opposite the other table, we are facing each other. I liked you ever since the company outing. You are very cool and I want to spend more time with you.
:)46 -
I just helped one of our cleaners get Internet since the management whitelisted devices that can get WiFi access.
I believe that anyone, regardless of position, must have equal access to the resources in this company.11 -
Team leader: it's a wrap. Let's go have a drink.
(1 hour later)
Testers: we found some bugs.
Team leader: everybody back to their station!!
Me: hold on! Does it break the game?
Tester: not really. It just teleports to an uninhabited island in the middle of nowhere.
Me: a you mean the testing ground?
Tester: yes.
Me: Did you have to do specific things to get there, unrelated to the game mechanics?
Tester: uh, yes.
Me: So you're saying unless you already knew about the testing ground it would be almost impossible to get there?
Tester: uh, I guess so.
Me: no worries then. TL, that's no bug. That's our hidden feature. The monster's testing ground.
Team leader: Everybody back to their station!! (Drinks)
かんぱい!!!
🙌🙌🙌13 -
(Overheard when shopping)
A: Let's get us some sweets!
B: (rustle, rustle, rustle)
(Went to cashier)
C:
Let's see a package of jellybeans, a box of Kitkat, one package of marshmallow, nougats and a box of Oreo.
What are you? An android phone?!
Me: ( _ _ )6 -
*Me and my workmates laughing and having fun before going home*
Me: Hey, do you want to hear a joke?
Workmate 1: What is it?
Me: Look at your code.
...
...
...
Other workmates: BURRRRRNNNN!!!!6 -
Life story of every Dev in nutshell :
Everything is working perfectly as expected and no body congratulates Dev and no one gives a shit.
Single thing is broken and the whole universe be like : "Where the fuck is that son of a b*tch? Bring that bastard in front of me right now."
😡😡😡😡6 -
Boss assigned me a task on Google Docs:
Boss: "Please remove this line"
Me: "What!? You're already there! How hard is it to fucking select the fucking sentence with your fucking touchpad and press the fucking delete key on your fucking keyboard!? Why assign me with such a fucking waste of time and fucking trivial task!?"17 -
I'm was thinking about developing a CLI toolbox, just for the silly joke of calling it CLIT, searched for 'clit command line tool' and guess what? Of course there are already a bunch of similarly named tools.
I feel strangely relieved.9 -
The superpower to perform version control on reality. (Git)
Imagine this universe (the current branch), which is made up of a series of events (commits).
Having this ability to allows us to:
- undo events (git reset/git revert)
- reorder events (git rebase)
- transfer to another universe (git checkout)
- derive a new universe from current universe (git checkout -b)
- delete a universe (git branch -D)
- apply an event from another universe (git cherry-pick)
and my favorite:
- merge universes and their events (git merge)
we have to resolve conflicting events, of course.
What else? ;)8 -
My professor once asked us to brainstorm a good topic for our IT seminar/workshop.
I suggested version control using Git.
She simply shrugged it off. She said she needed a topic that the class can use. WTF.1 -
Our html:
<input type="number"/>
Accepts only numbers, so far so good. Until QA files a bug:
"Numeric input accepts the letter 'e' "
Apparently 'e' is a valid because you can input something like '1e3' which fucking means '1000' !
Our team tried to argue with the QA that 'e' is valid because it simply means exponent but they argue a normal user would not know what an exponent means because they are not "mathematically inclined"
Part of me agrees with what the QA argues but then I think an average user who could use a fucking laptop or mobile will most certainly know what an exponent is.13 -
I normally don't post silly things, hoping I can restrict myself to only do so on rare occasions #shortweeksilly
3 -
Best productivity hack? It's not even a hack- just using an IDE with some level of real time syntax analysis. I know WAY too many people that use a text editor and command line compiling, which is great, and things you should know before going into an IDE that does most of it for you (know your underlying processes!!!), but they could save SO much time if they'd use an IDE or even good plugins... or even good editors. GEdit? Come on now..18
-
Started a new job. Love the people. Love the place. Files are still moved to prod by hand via windows explorer to prod web servers 😳10
-
A lovely community? 😕
Lovely my ass. 😒
This is one 🐤ed up community. 😑
And I'm lovin' it every bits and bytes!!!
😄😄😄22 -
I can finally play the role of my adversaries:
I will be that Client who makes unreasonable deadlines and unrealistic demands.
Let us see how the A.I. devs can keep up with me ;)2 -
(On one particular night, during a rush)
Me: 💻😶.......
A: 😐...
Me: 😶.........
A: 😒.....
Me: 😶.....
A: 😟.....
(finally, he snapped)
A: (WHAT?!!!)
Me: That's some pretty erogenous code..
A: Erroneous? What's wrong with it?
Me: E.RO.GE.NEOUS. not erroneous.
A: 😧
Me: Look (pointing at his screen)
A: 😥
(Apparently, one of his automatic class was stated as F4kM38itch)
😂😂😂2 -
My humble localhost; all powered by a beast of a MacBook, i7 4960, GT750 2G, 1TB SSD, running OS X with Win10 and Ubuntu via Parallels with their own screens. Makes for a fun time!
20 -
I know python , JS, java etc. Some might know php, some others might swift and so on.. but the only language understood by everyone all over the globe is this 😂(wait for it to load, and you will believe what I'm saying :P )
11 -
Guys try installing Termux. Its Linux for Android. It comes with its own version of Apt package manager. Using this opens up alot of possibilities ;)
12 -
Interviewer:
Here is a pen and paper. Now code in front of me your answer from the preliminary exam.5 -
Client: We need a news app.
Me: Sure, tell me more about it.
Client: Yeah, have you used Daily Hunt, I want that! Just in different colors.
Me: ...6 -
Craziest deadline I've ever had...
Task: Patch 193 machines
Environment:
- no configuration/patch management
- no knowledge of the machines
- no contact info/application owners
...timeframe...do it today!
Here's the winner...do we have credentials for these machines? Ha, nope.6 -
about one and a half years ago I wrote my first application ^-^
it generates a little christmas tree with lights on the CLI.
and I still feel the same joy as back then when something actually works out :)
9 -
++-ing a random rant from the feed is like a one night stand whereas subscribing to a user's rant is like a long term relationship!57
-
Linux devs, can you please stop giving your apps and utilities esoteric names? If you have to name your software after a character from Greek mythology because you're feeling edgy, at least make the first thing on the GitHub project page a description of what your software does.15
-
When you email your boss and his emails keep on reminding you how expensive his phone was.
"Sent from my iPhone"5 -
BUILD SOMETHING!
It doesn't matter what. It doesn't matter if it gets used. It doesn't matter what language. It doesn't matter what framework. Just build something ~anything~ that could somewhat (even just a little bit) relate to ANYTHING real world. Small never-used .NET web app hosted on a .azureblahblah.com subdomain? DO IT! Django / Python portfolio site on Heroku? DO IT! New JavaScript library that does something other libraries already do? DOOO IT. Literally just build something. Show that you can go from 0 to complete using something modern on your own with your own time and determination. That is what companies want.7 -
Product team having a proof of concept demo with client:
Sales to client: "Just for the record, we are not selling this to a rival company. Because we really want this technology exclusive to you"
Me (thinking to myself): "Oh really? We just had a demo with them last 2 weeks"
One of the core values of our company is Integrity, and I am not just seeing it.2 -
So my teammate posted on our Slack channel:
^(?=.{1,254}$)(?=.{1,64}@)[-!#$%&‘*+\/0-9=?A-Z^_`a-z{|}~]+(\.[-!#$%&'*+\/0-9=?A-Z^_`a-z{|}~]+)*@[A-Za-z0-9]([A-Za-z0-9-]{0,61}[A-Za-z0-9])?(\.[A-Za-z0-9]([A-Za-z0-9-]{0,61}[A-Za-z0-9])?)*$
Then our manager asked him: "Are you swearing on Slack!?"
No sir, thats Regex.4 -
Good morning everyone (atleast for my Time Zone), god bless you all !
been following my morning silly brain for 3 hours to write an 8086 assembler CPU and RAM emulator. after 1 hour of debugging, time to polish it and refactoring.
7 -
I raise my middle finger:
- to the past developers of this 4 year old piece of garbage project that we are maintaining, who thought that using StringBuffers to construct html documents as a Http response as a good idea
- to the bosses and managers, who keeps on giving unreasonable deadlines yet passes accountability to others.
I gave you all a Linus Torvalds style fuck you!!
That is it, I decided to resign -
I realized I've need a hobby other than sitting in front of the computer all day.
What non-developer things do you love to do? :)43 -
Taking 30 minutes to write a function that I later found in the standard library of the language. Silly me. 😓5
-
Client's API returns a very weird response that changes its structure depending on its content.
When a array field has more than 1 children it returns:
{
"field" : [
{ "name1" : "value1"},
{ "name2" : "value2"}
]
}
So far so good. However, the fuckery happens when it has 1 children:
{
"field" : { "name1" : "value1"}
}
WTF! So the client API can return either a JSON object or an array and we cant trust the specs they gave us.6 -
!rant
Developers aren't just resources that you "utilize".
We are human beings with thoughts, aspirations, creativity, hopes and fears.
Your position doesn't make you entitled to treat others less.3 -
[Waterproof]
A: Look!! I bought me a Xperia Z3!! I can even use it underwater!!!
Me: Meh! I got me a watch that can function underwater no matter what!!
B: BS.
Me: It's TRUE!. You can scuba dive with it. You can drop it from the moon and it will still function. The only thing it can't stand is an active volcano.
A & B: How much did you pay for it?
Me: ¥100. Cheap!!
A & B: How come?
Me: Its made from rubber.
😂😂😂8 -
She : You spend your whole day with your stupid computer ! That dumb machine is more important to you than me. We are done 😡
Me : Babe, I swear to God, you'll always be number one on my priority list.
She : Aww.. love you so much 😚
Me in mind : This must be the reason behind foundation of 0 index for Devs.1 -
Students: Our project is done.
Me: What language did you use?
Students: C++
Me: Great, now do that again in assembler and show me the debug codes.
Students: 😨😨😨
Me: 😏😏😏8 -
I'm handling this super complex engine development just fine, but I get stuck on silly stuff like preparing the .md file.
18 -
I wanted to contribute to open source but don't have the time due to a client project.
So what I did was develop an open source library, uploaded it as a public repo, then use that on our client project.
As a bonus, I can reuse that library for similar projects. Haha!2 -
(During Uni days as a student)
(Co-ed Dorm)/(My room)
(Getting dressed up for a party)
Female A: How do I look.
Me: (• ω •) ....
Female A: Come on tell me.
Me: You don't want to know.
Female B: I think A looks hot.
Female C: Yeah.
Male B: umm...
Me: Yeah. Hot. Like a Red Hot Chilli Pepper.
Female A: Thanks!!
(Later on)
Male B: What did you mean that?
Me: Here. Have a bite of this (chili pepper)
Male B: No way!!! Are you trying to kill me?!
Me: Exactly... 😅5 -
Got my first dev job! Best part of the year! Happy to report that I absolutely love it too! Go devs!2
-
!rant
Discovered Dribbble.com today. What an absolutely wonderful resource for so many difference design pieces and animations. Wow. Very impressed.3 -
So I just receieved a rude email from my client as candidates cannot register on his system. He is adamant that the system I built doesn't work........until he found out that candidates are silly and not reading notifications written in h1 with a font size of 33px that states "Please check your email to activate your account".......
FUCK SAKE READ PEOPLE.... READ!2 -
Easy. Was creating a website for a client and they asked if we could add "those, what do you call them? Yeah cliparts" to the website.
Cliparts? Really? Those silly cartoon things from MS Office?5 -
[Begin Rant] When you show your senior manager your REST Web Service and he says "Oh no nooo... I don't wanna see no code"... Me: Code?? That ain't code you fat silly fucker it's the command line output data which I spent a week parsing, batch processing, and storing into the database! [End Rant] :[4
-
from phone import Camera
from animals import Python
camera = Camera()
python = Python()
camera.take(python)
camera.showImage()
4 -
(During a certain GameCon in one particular year)
.... (tldr)
A: What about java?
Me: Oh I like java. Probably I should say Love it.
A: me, too. So what do you like about it?
Me: I like how it motivate me in the morning and how there are many blends, but ultimately, its down to your own choice if you want to make your own blend.
A: ??? Excuse me....
Me: I like X the most for instant, but my definite choice would either be Y or Z.
A: ??? Uuuh...
Me: (keep rambling on about the scent, texture and etc)
Until... A's friend came up and get him.
😂😂😂4 -
In an age of GitHub and cloud computing, how can a freelance dev using their own laptop be classed as a security risk?
These crude rules laid down by corporate IT depts just make companies look silly.1 -
We (as new hires) had to add a fallback logic for input validation on every input element using only JSP and Spring controllers just because the client still uses IE6 and fucking disables Javascript!!7
-
So we are having lunch on a normal day when our boss announced that one of our clients are visiting and our boss is telling us to standby and act like we are working so that the clients will see us in action.
WTF!? Is this company *that* desperate!? Then they should hire actors not developers2 -
Today at work I found this in the code...
if (argCount < 2 && argCount > 3) {
// log invalid arg count
return;
}
And this passed code inspection and has been sitting there unnoticed for about a year and a half... 😂
Whether it's mixing up and with or, or forgetting a semicolon, we've all done it at some point! 😊7 -
Absolutely detest some devs push their advertisement as fucking VIDEO in mobile webpage. There goes my monthly data quota for that silly ads. Fucking unethical.5
-
*working in android with manager who doesn't know android*
Me:"we need to establish different intents for x and y to get the job done"
Manager:"i dont need you deciding what I intend to do"
.... thats not what I meant by intent -
Programming in C is basically coming to grips with the fact that all of the program execution time you save by not using a higher level language costs quite a bit of manual labor time in making sure the math on your array and pointer indexing is PERFECT. *sigh* somebody give me a beer..3
-
I got my first computer when I was in 3rd grade. I don't know yet how to search for web pages. What I would do is take a keyword/topic and prepend "http://www" and append ".com" to it.
So if I wanted to search for games I would type "http://www.games.com" on the URL.
Sometimes it works, most of the time I land on some familiar 'buy this domain' web page -
WHY Atom, when I explicitly select a suggestion do you NOT ACTUALLY AUTOCOMPLETE THE SUGGESTION ?
I have configured so many fucking settings to try to avoid this why is it that I have to explicitly select my option 3 and 4 times before you ACTUALLY auto fill it.
I use you specifically FOR the auto complete function and you FUCK ME OVER ON IT.
I can just not seem to find a text editor or IDE that doesn't annoy the shit out of me one way or the other16 -
I'm thinking of names for DevRant super ranters team...
The DevRant Rangers, Rantastic Four, JSon League, The New Ranters, etc...
😅😅😅17 -
I keep wondering if there’s a case of someone stealing another’s rant. And what the other person would say to the thief.
“You stole my rant” or “That was suppose to be my rant” or something along that line.
😅9 -
If an ai becomes depressed, does it encapsulate itself for better \Closure?
*insert thinking dinosaur* -
Client wants a webapp where every label on all form inputs are configurable, even the fucking login form ("Login" and "Password" text)
They also want it to send emails where the message is configurable too (they can insert your own HTML)
so basically they want the entire fucking webapp to be configurable, all without requiring any code change.
I could use a "configurable" torture device right now.9 -
I was debugging a new version of a calendar web app I've created, and was puzzled when the code for rendering calendar events was never hit...Till I realized, there are no calendar events this week in the dev environment. Silly me! *LOL*1
-
I was talking with some of my co-workers about the rise of all these package managers (and one I came across for Windows), and this thought occurred in my silly head:
-
[In programming class back in 2012, I think...]
S: Sir, can you teach us about Bootstrap?😐
T: You don't want to know about Bootstrap, trust me.😶
S: Why, Sir?😕
T: He's being employed by Davy Jones. That's why. 😏
S: 😒😒😒2 -
Built a floating island complete with its own castle, forest, the works, complete with hints in books and lore , tempting players to go there EXCEPT its out of the game boundary and there is no way for anyone to go there. 😂3
-
Imagine if the King of Rock & Roll was born in this generation...😐
He'd be singing a different song.😂
Instead of Jailhouse Rock, it'll be Jailbreak Rock.😉
No more Love me tender, instead it'll be Love me Blender. 😅
ヾ(´〇`)ﾉ♪♪♪5 -
[The things I say]
To a gloomy & depressed friend,
A: I'm done with living. Everything is wrong. I can't face it anymore.
Me: Aw, come on. 'Tis not that bad. Be like Jack.
A: you're not helping..
Me: of course I am. Look at it this way. Jack got hung (several times), beheaded (almost), cooked by cannibals, eaten by a giant sea monster and finally, dead. But, he came back to live and still kickin' ass, (well he kick his own ass mostly)
A: you just don't know when to quit, do you? 😅
Me: Nope. 😁1 -
I spend the whole day decoding Assembly code for special formulas that we require for a current project.
And the client doesn't have them anywhere else.
There's only that old desktop application - written in assembly.
My Pc and I never felt so close before...
If it sounds like it was fun, it wasn't.
NOT. AT. ALL.2 -
A: I prank a friend of mine with Vim yesterday.
B: Ooh. I did that one. The panic was hilarious.
Me: BS. Try debug.com. See if they can get out from that one.
😂7 -
PM : Develop this new feature. Client needs it tomorrow. And be sure it works perfectly well.
Dev : haha how can it work without bug if it's developed in a day ?
Poor dev got transferred to support department :(
4 -
Don't you just hate *silly* password restrictions? Surely there is a very limited number of possibile passwords
On top of this their "password prompt" says passwords are between 6 and 10 characters...
1 -
It bothers me when potential employers *require* a salary expectation in your application. It's like they're focusing on the wrong parts. I don't even consider places that do that, no matter how cool the job sounds. Remember kids, in negotiations, the first one to mention a number loses.6
-
Lays down to go to sleep.
*beep* new urgent help request.
Hmm, bet it's something silly, better check anyway......
Whole servers down....
How fun 😔1 -
I keep wondering whether there's a case of someone stealing another's rant. And what the other person would say to the thief.
"You stole my rant!!" or ""That was supposed to be my rant" or something along that line.
😅13 -
A little update
[ https://devrant.com/rants/1627174/...]
My lovely niece knows her Japanese, BUT, we're in the Kansai region.
Her standard (Tokyo-ish) Japanese means exactly > null. 😂
@actualdragon, you know what I'm talking about, nee? 😉3 -
I don't know about you guys, but in my world, a "fuck you (too)" can sometimes be the greatest compliment that one could ever get.
😂6 -
[During Lunch break]
A: I've had enough!!!
B: What happened?
A: I'm done with this. I'm done with putting my ass on the Line!!
---
Me: Stop using Line then. Use WhatsApp or Skype or whatever...
--2 -
(During student days in Uni)
(One particularly boring day in an extremely boring class)
Teacher: xxx,yyy,zzz...
Student: Sir!!
Teacher: yes?
Student may I leave the class?
Teacher: no one leaves until class is finished.
Student: but, I need to make some deposit, sir.
Teacher: it will have to wait.
Student: no it can't, sir. Not this one.
Teacher: .... What kind of deposit?
Student: the GUI kind, sir.
😂😂😂22 -
We are forced to work on weekends because the management and the project manager loves to kiss the ass of our clients. I was even scolded by working from home.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO SUFFER AND SHOULDER THEIR INCOMPETENCE IN MANAGING THIS FUCKING PROJECT.
Damnit. God Damnit.5 -
Developing a notification API, sends emails to subscribers, email API can take only 100 IDs at once, so partitioned the email list and send mails in blocks of 100.
Forgot to reset the list after every block, so each new partition got appended to the existing list and kept going on.
Ran it against a test DB, which was recently refreshed with near-prod data !!! Thousands of emails went out of the app server in one shot and everybody receiving numerous duplicate emails. Especially the ones in the very first partition.
Got an incident raised by the CEO himself reg the flurry of emails. But, things were out of our hands, quite literally. All emails are queued up in the exchange server.
Called up the exchange server team, purged the queued emails. No other emails were sent/received during this whole episode.
Thanks to Iterables.partition in the present day.3 -
Imagine if members of Queen were also devs beside being Rock stars.
Instead of Bohemian Rhapsody, we'd be listening to Boolean Rhapsody.3 -
PM pushed me to finish all of my tasks last friday because he told me we have a demo with the client this week. He even asked me to OT.
It is already fucking thursday and I am still waiting. I haven't heard any updates from our PM.
I feel pissed because I did my task crudely due to "imaginary deadlines" imposed by this son of a bitch PM. I could have written a better code if I have this week as the deadline instead.1 -
@Apple: I would just about kill for you to come out with dark mode for default OS X apps: safari, messaging, etc.
PS. Please don't drop the Mac Pro line.
PPS. If you do, please open OS X up to install on any machine 😘3 -
(Back story)
https://devrant.com/rants/1559485/...
Somehow I'm thinking of making a silly Android game, 😮
The story of Poo: my little gooey adventure. 😁
On second thought, 😶
It'll probably be banned from the infamous Playstore 😕
So
Naaaaah 😅1 -
@dfox @trogus : Do we have a feature of auto complete @ mentions ? If not, there can be an elegant feature to provide drop down suggestions to mention / tag user in comments after we type @ in comments of any rant ( not all the users , but author of the rant and those who previously commented on that particular rant previously. For example, if I commented on a rant of dfox, and trogus also comments and types @, me and dfox will be in the drop down, tapping on which will select and tag that user on that comment ). I bet users will love this devRant update. Sorry for long post , I don't have any potato :p5
-
Me: *Making a very trivial suggestion, that every person with 1 working eye and 1 functional lobe can come up with*
Corporate managers: *Ponder. Verify competitors didn't implement it yet*. Great idea! let's patent it!4 -
Working on an Android app for a client who has a dev team that is developing a web app in with ember js / rails. These folks are "in charge" of the endpoints our app needs to function. Now as a native developer, I'm not a hater of a web apps way of doing things but with this particular app their dev teams seems to think that all programming languages can parse json as dynamically as javascript...
Exhibit A:
- Sample Endpoint Documentation
* GetImportantInfo
* Params: $id // id of info to get details of
* Endpoint: get-info/$id
* Method: GET
* Entity Return {SampleInfoModel}
- Example API calls in desktop REST client
* get-info/1
- response
{
"a" : 0,
"b" : false,
"c" : null
}
* get-info/2
- response
{
"a" : [null, "random date stamp"],
"b" : 3.14,
"c" : {
"z" : false,
"y" : 0.5
}
}
* get-info/3
- response
{
"a" : "false" // yes as a string
"b" : "yellow"
"c" : 1.75
}
Look, I get that js and ruby have dynamic types and a string can become a float can become a Boolean can become a cat can become an anvil. But that mess is very difficult to parse and make sense of in a stack that relies on static types.
After writing a million switch statements with cases like "is Float" or "is String" from kotlin's Any type // alias for java.Object, I throw my hands in the air and tell my boss we need to get on the phone with these folks. He agrees and we schedules a day that their main developer can come to our shop to "show us the ropes".
So the day comes and this guy shows up with his mac book pro and skinny jeans. We begin showing him the different data types coming back and explain how its bad for performance and can lead to bugs in the future if the model structure changes between different call params. He matter of factually has an epiphany and exclaims "OHHHHHH! I got you covered dawg!" and begins click clacking on his laptop to make sense of it all. We decide not to disturb him any more so he can keep working.
3 hours goes by...
He burst out of our conference room shouting "I am the greatest coder in the world! There's no problem I can't solve! Test it now!"
Weary, we begin testing the endpoints in our REST clients....
His magic fix, every single response is a quoted string of json:
example:
- old response
{
"foo" : "bar"
}
- new "improved" response
"{ \"foo\" : \"bar\" }"
smh....8 -
I've been trying to keep busy while out of work for the last month, so I built a silly little Flask app that generates Cards Against Humanity answer cards using Markov Chains. I called it Chains Invent Insanity. http://chainsinventinsanity.com6
-
class Resume(resume.generic)
skills.append("commit messages include expletives.")
def __str__(self):
return "Hire Me."1 -
I wonder
Why programmers are containing tons of guy while the first programmer in the world is a woman 😂
P.s : don't take it too seriously15 -
Super excited to have gotten the rare opportunity to completely re-write an old VB WinForms application instead of just hacking in functionality. Still has to be WinForms for various reasons, but getting to build it with MVP, separated concerns, testable logic, TDD, and not using in line SQL makes me feel like a pioneer of an old code base 😎
Actually, the biggest challenge is porting over the old functionality so it works the same! Nobody at the company was around when it was built so going from the code up (instead of outlining functionality first then making code) is difficult, but still worth it!
Shout out to all the other times we've had to hack in functionality to SHITTY code bases.... sometimes the re-write comes!!
Now I just need to not fuck it up 😅4 -
A: The boss's birthday is coming.
B: I know, and she's expecting presents from all of us.
C: She's a night hag, what should we do?
Me: Let's find an S7, change the cover and give it to her...
😂😂😂3 -
If I'm writing an app which has the sole purpose of receiving some data from a server, then sending some other data back (so nothing is stored locally) - what sort of stuff do I write tests for?
Client wants lots of testing to occur, but all of the tests I can think of wouldn't add any value -
Every now and I look into the sky and wonder whether the universe is just a bunch of non linear math problem...
Then I realized, I was looking at the starry night screensaver..
😥5 -
When you realize that the solution for a bug in your code is putting
if (somecondition)
but then you put
if (!somecondition) by mistake and try to figure out why is the bug still there :-(1 -
As the old saying goes,
"Saying Java is good since it works on all platforms is like saying Anal sex is good cause it works on all species"
Here's my take on this:
"What about Oral?"
😂8 -
That security bug they just discovered in macos high sierra where you can login as root w/o a pwd, i just had to laugh thinking its something like this:
if true ## environment == :development
skipPassword()
😂3 -
(A female friend of mine once asked me how to tell a guy off no matter where she was.)
Situation A (bar)
A: Are you alone?
F: I'm waiting for someone.
(If insist pick either, else good)
A: Who're you waiting for?
F: Godot.
---
A: Let's go somewhere else.
-option 1-
F: I have to tell you I'm schizophrenic. I hear voices in my head.
(If insist continue, else good)
A: What is it telling you right now.
F: Its telling you to fuck off.
-option 2-
F: I have a phobia.
A: What kind phobia?
-- (a)
F: Of losers like you.
-- (b)
F: Of people who can't read the mood ( 空気読めない)
-- (c)
F: I have STD(T(silent T))
(Most people would steer clear at this point)
(Now, this was between me and her)
F: STD? 😮
Me: with a silent T.
F: Not the usual STD.. 😐
Me: Nope.😶
F: What is it then?
Me: Short for Some Thing Down (There). So you're not lying. 😏12 -
When your customer calls you out and asks why "such and such" data wasn't copied over to the other two instances.
Then, thinking of course that it must be my fault: *research begins*
Reply to customer:
Your boss sent me an email that listed data points to *not* copy over, the item in question being one of them.
BAM!! ....developers: 1 customer: 02 -
There's this mecha anime series about a transforming bullet train.[新幹線変形ロボ シンカリオン ]/SHINKANSEN HENKEI ROBO SHINKALION
The first time I read it, I thought it was Shinkansen HENTAI robo SHINKALION.
😅
I guess I need a break...8 -
So I was waiting on a mysqldump for over a halfhour wondering why it was taking way to fcking long.
But then I saw I typed mysql -u user -p database > dump.sql
Instead of using the mysqldump command xD at moments like this you realize how important sleep is xD -
What's the best way to run MS Office from Linux? Cloud based, native with wine/play on linux, or a native suite? I don't want to run a VM just for office.
I've tried Libre Office but it doesn't format well for my college professors, and office online works but it's not as quick plus you need the online connection.
Would something like WPS Office be my best option if I wanted a native solution that looked and felt like office with the best level of compatibility?17 -
The difference between W.M.D. and W.M.D.
The first stands for our usual Weapons of Mass Destruction, ex. the Atomic Bomb.
The latter for Weapons of Mass Disruption, ex. The Atomic Bong.
When the first goes BANG, there's DEVASTATION
When the latter goes BOOM, there's CELEBRATION!!
😂😂😂2 -
Get a DateTime. Convert to a string. Convert back to a DateTime. Use that DateTime to build a string.
WHY.
(it's red because I refactored it; snipped copied from our version control)
3 -
Hmm Monday morning and no Internet..
How do I stack overflow my "programming"?
Just kidding, Mobile Hotspot ftw.2 -
Our team (devs and QAs) have been doing a series of overtime work.
So, the company has provided us a place to sleep. Everyday, we would go to work at 10AM and then return to our place to rest at 12 midnight (sometimes at 2AM).
We've been doing this for a week now and we'll resume again tomorrow.
I already feel exhausted, and I was thinking of resigning after all of this mess was over.
However, I am having second thoughts. Since this is my first job, I have no point of comparison.
Perhaps a series of overtime like this one is normal? Is this type of work environment to be expected when being a developer? Or am I selling my self short and there are better options out there? What do you devs think?12 -
Project manager asked me to directly communicate with our client.
BUT, he told me what to say and what not to say.
BULLSHIT! All of these business "etiquettes" and formalities are just a waste of time for both the clients and us.
If only I could, I would simply cut all these nonsense and just communicate honestly.2 -
Stupid useless humanities courses, because, really, who cares about humans? Besides that, silly Excel questions at work, my boss talking of his non-work projects and devrant (because it is not a #wk51 rant without saying it)
-
First time meeting IRL (+/- 5 years ago)
A: I'm quite capable in Java,😚
B: I usually do stuff in Javascript,😙
Me: uh... 😓😒🤔💡😲I'm an expert in JAV😏
A&B: 😐😕2 -
I really really want to change jobs and pursue being a game dev.
I am so tired of our company kissing our clients' asses, out of fear they might leave, making the developer work an extra mile without the appropriate salary for the extra work, which now I realize why we have alot of sh*ty projects.
I think there is a clear line between customer service and being suckups.
:(4 -
I have a biased, opinionated favoritism towards project managers who can symphatize with their developers.1
-
I feel the social media driven urge to post on this platform but honestly don't have anything really to post about. I guess that's a good thing :) #happyDev
-
I am not even at our office yet the PM already sent us multiple emails asking us to do trivial stuff like update excel sheets, file reports, etc... WTF!? Can't you fucking wait till I get to work!?1
-
If our company wants to outsource us to other clients then why don't we just resign and directly work there instead!!!!
Seriously we apply here as developers not consultants/analysts/researchers2 -
When your vendor contact sends you example code with a bug then sends the new version as a word doc.
Ehem.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE WE USING THIS STUPID FUCKING COMPANY? NONE OF THEIR SHIT WORKS, THEIR WEB SERVICE IS OLD AS SHIT AND DOESN'T EVEN FOLLOW SOAP PROTOCOL, AND THEY OFFER ALMOST NO SUPPORT WHILE CHARGING A SHITLOAD. WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK.2 -
Accidentally ran
$ git reset --hard
On my 2 weeks worth of uncommited code.
Thankfully Intellij has a local history. 😥7 -
Silly mistakes while coding, fuck!!
I wrote a loop:
for(i=0; s[i]!='0'; ++i){
//Code
}
and thinking what's going wrong🤔
.
.
.
After sometime I realized my '\' wasn't pressed 😢😶
And after that:
SILLY ME 😁😁 is only thought in mind....5 -
What do you windows users out there use for full disk encryption? Anyone using anything else than bitlocker?
Asking for a friend or some silly excuse like that.21 -
Fucking slave traders who want to "touch base" - They ain't coming anywhere near my base, horrible fuckers!
Why can't they just phone or better still email me!?3 -
that moment when you wait two weeks for client confirmation then he comes back with minor or silly edit then goes again another two weeks...
-
Some relatives visited me last night. As soon their son realized I'm a coder, he started asking me silly questions e.g. he had installed some silly hitman game and asked me to tell him reason for it wasn't working on his system.
WTF man? How could I tell you the reason without even looking at the installation or error. -
Imagine if the Empire was a Dev company. The Emperor was the Director, Vader as PM and Stormtroopers as the coders.
One particular Trooper had not submitted his codes quota of the day.
He was summoned to Vader's office and was told,
"I FIND YOUR LACK OF CODES DISTURBING.."2 -
Because my new computer has had no internet connection yet, windows couldn't install drivers to display any resolution above 1024x768.
That looks silly on my 1920x1200 screen.5 -
Does spectrum count?!🤔
Jumping jack, loads of tapes & other silly games, my radio & kidnapped tv in the living room 😍😍 yay! -
Coworker: I SSH into my liver every now and again. It's mostly to make sure it's kept up and running because I've blocked all the other ports to it. Once my kidneys can' handle the alcohol and energy drinks I'll start enabling cookies on it to help filter out that traffic.
Weird conversations with my coworker -
Website: what's your address?
Me: It's 192.168.1.7... Oh! Silly me! You meant my public address!! 89...1 -
What is easy to code at the moment isnt necessarily the best code in the long run.
- From the dev currently maintaining spaghetties of spaghetti code -
I know there are a lot of Apple haters on here, and no worries to you all, but for the rest of us.. Apple PLEASE come out with an updated Mac Pro! It's been 4 years!4
-
There's just one thing that pisses me off about American English being a programmer. The punctuation that defines the end of a sentence SHOULD NOT go inside of the quotation marks if a quote ends the sentence, yet that's considered correct in the US. For example, if Joe said something as a statement, to ask a friend if he heard Joe say something, you'd write: Hey! Did you hear Joe say "that tree sucks?" When you should write (in my opinion.. and the UK's apparently): Hey! Did you hear Joe say "that tree sucks"? The question mark shouldn't go inside the string! Wtf! Joe wasn't asking a question! Stupid US English...3
-
Went to a friends house and the mother said "Hey, you're a professional with computers. How do you download a song on SoundCloud?" - How the fuck should I know, did I make the websute? Shit.1
-
Working from home with a cat... hear a strange noise and turn my chair. Cat is now hanging on for dear life and looking at me with utter betrayal.
It seems she only wanted attention... always. Especially when I’m working.1 -
Development planning:
Expectation:
Gather the requirements then estimate the deadline.
What are clients did:
Here is the deadline, then here are the requirements that we must squeeze into it.1 -
10-15 small apps, 2-3 major apps, 1 very large very cumbersome database. 1 million+ tables with no foreign keys or associations. Lord help me.4
-
Student: Sir, can you do Java?
Me: I don't drink, I drink tea, my dear.
Student: 😮
Me: (walking away, whistling "I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien) 😙2 -
The next evolution of Bugs
Now that I think about it, they are essentially the Bug Man.
@actualdragon 😂🍻
@floydian are you up for this?
6 -
I think I'm gonna have to renew my healthcare insurance..
I believe I suffers from a certain mental disorder not quite covered.
Its OCTD
Obsessive
Compulsive
Trolling
Disorder
😂😂😂
4 -
Site working for me and not coworker during testing.
Go crazzy for 10 minutes.
Find resource pointed to http://localhost/file.php
Feel silly rest of day. -
Oh, hello dear PO. You suddenly wanted a change to be done after being silent for months?
Silly, silly you. I'm not some kind of rack you drag out of the closet whenever it suits you.
I am now assigned to another project. Your project can't be completed for months, and it ain't my fault. -
Hey guys and gals, I built a silly little memory game! Comment with your best scores (no inspecting elements...that's cheating). Also, don't click too fast or it'll break. Lol
http://threetendesign.com/memory4 -
Playing video games on my PS1 when I was a kid inspired me to explore programming 😎
When I learned how Gameshark works I was blown away! -
I kinda miss my old pal Dr Watson.
He went missing with the launch of Windows Vista
I think he went underground and now uses a different alias...
😐1 -
All the other Dev team have some kind of a catcthy name for their gaming RxR team. Except me.
Mine is the Chippy Chipmunks
😂😂😂2 -
I'm not against Linux even if I use Winblows on daily basis (DAW, games & stuff)
But somehow I just can't help myself whenever I see distros' naming choice.
Ubuntu (in my mother tongue buntu is a dead end),
Debian,
SuSe (again in my mother tongue/slang it means difficult)
Arch, etc
And it makes me wonder how come Scooby Do never make it..
😂7 -
Eclipse deleting my entire project, roughly few thousand LOC and a lot of assets. (Probably my silly mistake, though I don't know what I did)
Good thing I had a half a week old back up2 -
Hey guys.
Is there any alternative for CLion? I can't use codeblocks since there is no dark theme(sounds silly but I prefer dark theme).16 -
(Back story)
https://devrant.com/rants/1558632/...
Situation B
(When a guy insist on getting your number)
A: Come on, just gimme your number
F: Fine, it's 0726-502404
😂😂😂 -
Asshole(s);
"Everybody has one, Some lives as one, but no one could really live without one."
- from the lost blogs of S.Holmes -1 -
I don't know why but here, in iran, everybody use Hungarian notation? Like strName or txtFirstName.
I think its silly and i hate it. is it common everywhere?6 -
True story: We had once a project where the manager tells the client we are using the Waterfall but internally the devs are actually doing Agile. >_<1
-
I'm not proud to admit that I was searching for the stories section just to notice that I haven't even updated the app.. Silly me 😅
-
My last dew days so far: learn the new angular 4. BAM, new angular 5 is announced. Try to install CLI. Errors with node.js/npm. Solutions: install different version of nodejs. I do that using 'n' to keep diff vers of node.js (i need them). CLI installer throws a different error. Google error. Solution: install yet another ver of node.js. Repeat issues! Try something different. Run into another dependency issue (requires another ver of ruby. ugh!) Screw it all. Continue to Angular tutorial. Check out live example. Doesn't work. Chrome throws ton of errors, Yet tutorial example works in FF. FML!
4 -
That spit-take you make when you find that another programmer made it so that manipulating a date in a url creates a row in the database for sales info that doesn’t exist!
Like seriously?!
-
According to this
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
Tea is a somewhat a higher evolution of Java.
I'm thinking what a mess it would be outside the dev community.😓
And what a fine jokes/pranks I could make with this one. 😂
-xoxoxo-3 -
The moment when u forget to break from a switch statement from its one of its cases and try to figure wtf is wrong with ur code.1
-
@dfox I know .gif's will play when you press/open a rant that contains one, but can it play automatically from the feed? I'm sure that must have been considered before- is it not possible?9
-
Not having a cup of coffee before I do anything. Because I make silly mistakes like posting a rant for wk7
-
I've been a dev for more than half my life now and it still kind of surprises me the ability of typing fast and precise without looking at the keyboard.
I know it's silly but is a pretty neat self-taught-through-practice ability.
Good for you, everyone who types without looking at the keyboard. -
Put a stored procedure into production which exclusively only used synonyms to another server’s database, and didn’t actually use any of its own DB’s data..
Didn’t want to add all the scaffolding of a second connection to the app. Oh well! -
Netbeans, it looks ancient, is slow, and takes 100000m clicks to get anything done, and also has useless silly snippets
-
Think about it. The Hunger Games trilogy, DevRant style:
1. The Ranting Games,
2. The Ranting Games, Catching the BUGs
3. The Ranting Games, Buggingjay
😛1 -
Ok this will be silly guys, but this is my last hope, please help me. I am looking for a website "framework" but I can't remember the name. It is commercial, its website is all white using some black slab/serif fonts and it has a side navigation, the purpose of the framework is to easily create websites with full page scroll. it has multiple layouts, really similar to webslides or the slides framework from the guys at designmodo. If you know it or you are the developer behind it, please write link/name in comments thank you in advance!!
-
No ansible, go home. You can not compete with mature programs used worldwide for many years.
Your "main" function for get_url module has 200 lines with comments dividing "sections" with different ifs. And it's one of best of your modules...
Just look: http://bit.ly/2d4LhTr
1 -
I have a love hate relationship with C honestly. I hate that you have to do so much overhead management and control of all of your pointers and arrays and manually handle memory allocation and management, but on the other hand it's pretty cool to work that low / close to the machine code and the programs run lightning quick. Pros and cons, I guess. Would've been interesting to be around in the early days..1
-
Reading Geekonomics (silly title for the book) and seriously considering that maybe we should all be licensed/certified since so much software is broken, looking at you Equifax.1
-
Why doesn't Java have a functional interface that supports throwable exceptions?
Seems silly to have to define my own wrappers around the Function<> interface. -
Okay, I will just send a fix version this week... Umm 2 crashes and a small UX improvement, should take 10 minutes...
Android Studio says something needs updating, well okay I have time...
*Codes the fixes*
*Tests the fixes*
WTF the backup functionality is broken.
*Debugs*
Silly Google drive lib, why don't you like when the user selects an account?
*Fires up another computer, doesn't let it update, compiles and it works!*
Fuck you google -
Hey guys/gals! I have an open !rant question about Linux distros and while I've seen it asked before, I often times don't see really justified answers: which distros are good (and for what) and WHY? What makes you prefer gentoo or arch to Debian or Ubuntu? Just looking for thoughts and reasons :)6
-
I don't know why, but I'm terrible at remembering names. I usually assign a $varname(s)/nickname to each person that I can remember him/her.
So, there is this Guy, lets call him Lester. He is a great guy, a good friend and he is either bald or simply choose to shave his head entirely.
He knows about my particular problem with names, so at one time he asked what name I assigned to him.
I told him its Shinetop.
Lester Shinetop. 😛
(Shinetop's the name. Bald is my game)🎶 -
<p class="another silly p">Hello World</p>
(Just found this app.. wanted to say hello world like all the tutors and instructors do so lovely) -
So the restaurant I work for get interns to "revamp" the employee website (says so right on the page). The site didnt work the first couple days they had it up. Then it was fine for a week. Now everyone is getting a 404. I had thought about working as a software engineer for home office, but now Im not sure I want to since they cant even get a website working correctly for more than a week.
-
Are truly global variables ever really, truly, necessary? Can someone give me an example of such a time? Completely breaking scope in code makes for terrible readability
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