Best quotes from IT teacher:

- "C# is a language to program your IDE."
- "C# is a language for beginners, and is not really used in production."
- "We won't use Python to learn programming, because Python is a very old, slow and useless language, and is not really used anymore."
- "Yeah, your algorithm is fantastic, but you wrote 'The answer is: ' instead of 'Answer: ', so it's just a B."
- One of my classmates was bored and opened Notepad++, and when the teacher saw it, she said "I have been teaching programming for years, but I've never seen this program, what do you use it for?"

I feel so lucky that I have started learning programming years before at home, I just couldn't start if I had to learn this way.

Every IT admin's wish

It counts?

We just spent 30 minutes standing around watching Elon Musk launch his car into orbit.

I love working in IT.

Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller: Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don’t have a mouse.

Caller: Mmmmm? Oh really? I will send a picture….

I think I'm losing my mind working in the IT Department. 😂 Sometimes the questions are UNBELIEVABLE!

Client: Hi, my computer is not working.

Me: Hi, what's wrong with it?

Client: IDK. It won't work.

Me: Alright, what do you see on your screen?

Client: Nothing!

Me: Nothing as in there are no icons on your desktop or black screen?

Client: Oh, black screen.

Me: Is your monitor on? Do you see a light on the power-on button?

Client: Yes, it's white.

Me: Ok, good. What about your computer? Is it turned on?

Client: Well, I never turn off my computer so I assume it's on. I leave it as is when I leave the office then log-in in the morning when I come in.

**At this point I realized this person doesn't even lock the computer until it locks by itself after a while.

Me: Ok please turn on your computer by pressing the power button with a thin line on it. It should turn white.

Client: Ok but as I said I don't turn it off so why should I turn it on? Did it turn off by itself?

Me: That can happen.

Client: Ok....oh wait, it working! Thank you so much. Sorry if I was a little pain. I am a little stressed out this morning.

Me: No problem. Glad it worked. Have a good day.

*Hangs up confused. I mean really confused. Smh

Just the beginning!!

Any IT crowd fans here? I know it's an old show but it is Awesome!

When your company launches a new mobile, hands it to you for free and also lets you engrave on it.

Stop bugging me 😖😖

Type it in, type it in, type a bigger number in. Oh how fun it is to break other people's software!

As a Front-End Dev, sometime it look like that ahahaha.

Credit: toggl Goon Squad (Picture)

It is the weekend and I will be a meme ++ whore just this once.

Don't tell them to run "rm -rf /" as root. That's too nice. There might be inodes left on the hard drive.

MAKE IT WORSE:

"cat /dev/zero > /dev/sda" as root.

LEAVE NOTHING.

The life of IT

Wife : Lets try some other position tonight.

IT support guy : raise a ticket for change request

when i worked in IT, some coworkers told me to install some stuff in the "happy" and delete some files from the "surprised". I spend several days confused, until they explained me... Idk if they are idiots or geniuses.

happy disk (C:)
surprised disk (D:)

maybe they were both.

The IT guy 😂

We've password protected a file and forgot the password we need it cracking asap.

Sorry we can't crack passwords on files.

If we don't get access to the file it'll cost the company up to 250k.

Well you should've thought about that before encrypting the fucking file with 256 bit encryption.

IT guys

Story of every IT office

IT: Its controlled via SSO, everyone has access by default

Me: oh i'm sorry, you are correct, I don't have an error message on my screen saying I don't have access. I made it all up. Thank you, you may close the support ticket

Okay, time to delete my old Skype account
1. Enter Skype name
2. Reset password
3. Captcha
4. Complete email
5. Enter email code
6. You are logged in now, please complete your profile first
7. Enter birth date
8. Add your phone number or second email address
9. Create new outlook mail
10. Got access to profile settings
11. Click on delete profile
12. Stop please first verify your email again
13. Enter code
14. Check all checkboxes that I am really sure to want it deleted
15. Click delete button

Fuck hell and that all again for my second account

I work for my university's IT Helpdesk, I asked a customer what browser they were using and they said WiFi.... How do these people have six-figure jobs?!

Fork it....

Dear Indian Companies,

Why do you hire for a role and then say: "We dont have that role but then we want you to grow up to be a Generalist"!

6 years as a build, release and SCM guy at Moto and Nokia back then, I shifted to this big Indian IT corp coz Nokia was shutting down...

A week into my orientation (which is a crazy weirdness inducing ritual in and of itself), the new manager I'm supposed to be working with comes up and says- "Here's the code repo, there are 2 open jQuery issues, fix them!"

I'm not really sure what to say at this point because jQuery is nice and all but thats not who I am.. I'm the infra / DevOps guy. And this is circa 2012 when DevOps as a term was just hotting up...

Tell me to setup a multi-stage pipeline and automated test cycles, I'll do it drunk, but oh no! bug fixing on a jQuery script? Noooo!!!!! I just dont have the chops for it.

So long story short, I get reported to HR for insubordination - Yeah, Go Figure!

Cue: HR meeting
HR: You wont work?
Me: I cant work on jQuery. I am a sysadmin / devops guy... Give me a project that involves those skills and I'll work.
HR: But we hired you to work on jQuery.
Me: But you did not mention jQuery / UI / UX in the job description - Pulls up email and shows JD for interview which says Symbian, Build, Release, Configuration Management but NOT jQuery.
HR: ....
Me: :-/
HR: But we want you to be a generalist.
Me: #wtf
HR: We want an engineer to be able to do anything he is tasked with!
Me: Can I know my last working date here?

And thats how my career at a glorious IT corporation just went poof!

When I think back on it, I feel good that I chose to do what I wanted to get better at and what I loved working on...

And this is the problem with IT companies in our country - They play with people's aspirations and passions... To the point that all thats left of a software engineer is the looking forward to pay day so he can start the damn cycle all over again.

Life of an IT guy

1.Born
2.Study
3.Job
4.Shall I share my screen?.
5.Are you able to see my screen?
6.Am I audible ?
7.Correct me if I'm wrong
8.Sorry I was on mute
9.Ok.. I am sending that email.
10.Did you receive my email?
11.I am on a sick leave.
12.Death

Pretty much it!

I'm developing my "game engine" for over 2 years. 9 complete rewrite and 3 language change (c#->java->c++) but I love doing it. It's an amazing experience :D

Short story: I work in IT company

Fucxing finally! Payday! I've been living below poverty line this entire month and it feels good to be rich again 😎

!rant

*in slack*
Me: Team's gonna watch IT. Wanna come?
Friend from other team: Yeah, sure!

*in cinema*
Friend: WTF! Why is this I.T? This is scary as fuck!
Me: I-T? It's "it". HAHAHAHA It's a remake of the It 1990 movie.
Friend: I don't know anything about that. I'm scared as hell! I thought this would be some tech stuff and crying in the server room or something!

When the IT guy tells you that your pc needs more RAM and you think "I can hendle this!"

I work for my highschool's IT department (the money I earn goes directly towards my tuition), here is a picture of my workstation. It's a Lenovo ThinkCentre, it has an Intel i5-6500 vPro, 4GB of RAM and runs Debian 9.4.

!Rant

Once I had a summer job at the town hall that ran some mainframe program.
The woman explaining this program was like 'now that you've pushed that we have to go back 3 screens and return to it just to check if the data has been properly updated.'.

I'm first thinking like 'wtf' followed by a 'could it be' and pushed the F5 button. The thing refreshed instantly and the women went wild! (That is after staring for 2 whole seconds with her jaw dropped at the screen, unable to grasp what just happened.)

HUU?! WHAT! WHAT DID YOU PRESS!!??? HOW DID YOU..??

Turns out she was been going back and forth these screens for over more than 20 years!

Ouch..

Yes, of course! How did I ever expect this to work? I was really stupid not to see this. THIS was the logic error! Of course this couldn't possibly have worked. This will surely fix it.
.
.
.
*Still not working*

Now I feel relieved...

Working in the IT Department is just funny man. Sometimes I wonder if I'm dumb, too smart to answer these dumb questions or these clients are just asking questions they already have answers to that I don't.

Client: Hey, can you please give X access to Y's Dropbox? He gets error saying he doesn't have access to the file.

Me: Uhh, you have to share a link to the specific file you want to share with X. Then only he can access it.

Client: Can you send him the link?

Me: Uhhhh, what link?

Client: The link to the file.

Me: Who created the file you want to share?

Client: My boss did. And he wants me to send the link to X. But I don't have the link so he said to check with IT.

Me (in my mind): WTF!!!!

Me: Ok, ask your boss to share the link to the file he created with you then you can send it to Y. He can also send it to Y directly himself. IT doesn't have and has no idea of what file your boss created. Only your boss knows.

Client: Ok, hold on let me check with him..

Client gets back on the phone.. "he said he deleted the file".

Me: Well, there's no file to share here.

Client: Can you find it?

Me: Call Dropbox.

Client: do you have his number?

Me: Who?

Client: Dropbox..

At this point I started laughing.. 😂😂😂🤣🤣

Me: Dropbox is a company.

Client: Ok, thank you. I'll call Dropbox.

At this point, I'm wondering. If this client thought Dropbox was person, then what did she mean by her initial question? 🤔

Can this be real life? This happened less than an hour ago, and going home now still confused about this whole situation. 😂😂

!Rant

Anyone else feel the need for 5 more seasons of IT Crowd?

static void TryOut<T>(T newStuff)
{
try
{
self.Learn(newStuff);
}
catch (NotUnderstandingException)
{
// At some point, it will work, just call it again
TryOut(newStuff);
}
}

My favorite IT story (not mine) is that the server needed to be rebooted whenever it froze completely. The best solution? Get an old PC that had a CD drive, and every time it loses connection to the server, eject the CD tray which had a poking stick attached that hits the reset button.

When the IT girl is under pressure...

Fighting an IT guy is lot like fighting a pig in mud. After some time you realise pig likes the mud.

!!rant

When I worked at a previous job, they only gave out decent titles (and salaries) to upper management. Everyone else... well... I was the Domain/Sysadmin, responsible for the domain and both DCs, upgrading the physical network (plus recabling it: the MDF was a *disaster*), as well as all backups, migrations, printers, servers, and workstations/lappys in the building, plus pushing software, antivirus, updates, security policies, etc. I had complete access to everything, and ofc was responsible for everything. Nothing on my network caused anyone (else) any trouble except one particular printer I wasn't able to replace. Also, nothing new appeared on my network without me noticing and tracking it down.

But my official title? "IT Assistant".
I made $11/hr.

Worth it? Take a flying leap into an overflowing outhouse during the height of a Vegas summer if you even begin to think so.

I eventually managed to switch to a developer position, and (after several attempts) got a ~$5/hr raise. The girl they replaced me with in IT with some ditz who had never installed an OS before, didn't know what the BIOS was, and couldn't figure out why a monitor... plugged into itself... wasn't working. Things went downhill from there.

Guys, Guys, Guys!
I've just won employee of the month! And you know what is even better? The elders of the internet allowed to lend the internet to me to use it in my speech! I couldn't be happier (they even know who I am!)

(Computer reboots)
Me: F**k!
(Starts up, chat window pops up)
IT guy: Okay we fixed it.
Me: Fixed what? You shut off my PC I was in the middle of something!
IT guy: I have here Jeff needs Java updated
Me: This isn't his computer
IT guy: Have a good day (chat status changes to "in a meeting")

For retaliation I found him on AD and spent the day writing a script to reboot his PC every hour.

Seniors: Welcome to the team. Feel free to ask anything if you need help. There is no such thing as stupid questions.

New Dev: Sure. Thanks.

*a few minutes later*

New Dev: How to comment a code?

Seniors: Google it....and please don't ask stupid questions.

I fucking hate SVN.
Git... I miss you so much it hurts

I think my most favorite part of programming is when I just try something out and it actually works despite really just guessing.

It works!

Once IT Engineer was travelling by train in A/c class.

He was traveling alone!

Some time later, a Beautiful lady came and sat in the opposite berth!

IT Engineer was pleasantly Happy!

The lady kept smiling at him! This made IT Engineer even more Happy!

Then she went and sat next to him!

IT Engineer was bubbling with Joy!

She then leant towards him and whispered in his ear " Hand over all your valuables, cash, cards, mobile phone to me
else I will shout and tell everybody that you are harassing and misbehaving with me"

IT Engineer stared blankly at her!

He took out a paper and a pen from his bag and wrote " I can not hear or speak. You write on this paper whatever you want to say"

The lady wrote everything what she said earlier and gave it to him!

IT Engineer took her note, kept it in his pocket!

He got up and told her in clear tones..."Now shout & scream!!"

MORAL OF THE STORY : DOCUMENTATION IS VERY IMPORTANT

😄😀😄

So I was trying to go to sleep and my phone buzzed around 11:35 and it said someone commented on one of my rants so i went and read it, checked out how high my score was. Read a few rants...then a few more...wrote some comments...maybe one or two more...its almost 1am...

I'm in my grandmas phone under 'IT Support' 😞😞

When you finish IT on University and you are trying to solve these problems in real life...

Me : For the last time, I am not a window cleaner!
Old Friend : Oh, so what do you do ?
Me: I work at IT.
Old Friend : With computers and stuff ?
Me : YES.
Old Friend : Woah like with apple computers ?
Me : Nah, I work with Windows.

Pun intended.

Me: "I'm a programmer."
Them: "Oh! You work in IT!"
Me: "Kind of, except it takes years to mast the craft."
Then:: "Oh! You work in IT!"

It happened.

I have gotten 100% on every Google foobar question.

I just have to do the cryptography thing, then I'm done.

Me: Hello. I'm from dept. ABC. My system isn't working.

IT: Have you tried logging OFF & ON again?

Me: (Let me rephrase) No the system isn't turning ON 😅

IT: Before I come over to your desk, can you try restarting once? 🤓

Me: (Motherfuck..) 🙂

When you work in IT but live in the Deep South of the US

The biggest scaling challenge...

Aha, when I joined my first (startup) company as an IT guy, they had 2 rooms in a small corner of a commercial building.

When I left the company after 2 years, they had two floors of that building with 40 rooms, had 5 different websites running in AWS, was using managed GSuite and a lot more.

So yeah, keeping up with all those was my biggest challenge.

I started a job as a developer on Monday for a large retail company. There was no computer available for me because of the IT department but I'm told it will arrive later in the day. It doesn't.
On Tuesday I get told that the PC is coming and later in the day a keyboard, mouse, monitor stand and two monitors arrive but no computer.
Today, Wednesday, I get into work and find that I now have a PC. Woo! I load windows, log into my user account with my new user and pass and go to install VSCode only to find that I don't have admin privileges and can't install almost anything. I'm told that IT will add me to the admin user group soon(tm). I wait. All day. They don't do what they are supposed to do despite us pushing them to do it.
I hope that tomorrow I can actually dev, but at least I've been paid three days wage for doing nothing lol

Anyone have any shitty IT department stories?

Friday evening working in IT

IT Crowd

One of the bigger and more important IT projects this fall. Technical solution proposal needs to be ready by Thursday morning but is far from complete. Solution? The responsible person for this went on a two day mindfulness training. Apparently totally oblivious to the term "sense of urgency". Must be a citizen of procrastiNATION.

Our head IT guy is over 70 years old. Our other IT guy is in his twenties. They've just hired another guy. New guy has anime characters on his car windows.

I'm made to use IE 10. Our content filter proxy is in the US. We are in the U.K. Web browsing is not fast even though we have 100Mb up and down.

I'm beginning to suspect life is a cruel joke.

I was called over by a colleague. She needed help because her computer kept telling her that she did not have permission to run certain programs or access certain files.

She logged in to Windows in front of me. The first thing that I noticed that the username was her office email address. I asked her about it.

Me: Why is your username your email address?
Her: It was this way when I got it.
Me: That is impossible. I made every Windows installation here and I always use the same username which is [companyname] as it is our policy.
Her: I'm telling you, this is the way it was when I got it.
Me: Are completely sure?
Her: Well.... someone else must have renamed it.
Me: So someone fired up your laptop, used your password to log in and changed the username to your email?
Her: I don't understand it either. Is it possible that it happened accidentally, on its own?
Me: ...

Then I explained to her that changing the username on Windows 10 may result in problems with file permissions.

I am not mad because she didn't know about this. I am mad because of her idiotic lies.

The website for our biggest client went down and the server went haywire. Though for this client we don’t provide any infrastructure, so we called their it partner to start figuring this out.
They started blaming us, asking is if we had upgraded the website or changed any PHP settings, which all were a firm no from us. So they told us they had competent people working on the matter.

TL;DR their people isn’t competent and I ended up fixing the issue.

Hours go by, nothing happens, client calls us and we call the it partner, nothing, they don’t understand anything. Told us they can’t find any logs etc.

So we setup a conference call with our CXO, me, another dev and a few people from the it partner.
At this point I’m just asking them if they’ve looked at this and this, no good answer, I fetch a long ethernet cable from my desk, pull it to the CXO’s office and hook up my laptop to start looking into things myself.

IT partner still can’t find anything wrong. I tail the httpd error log and see thousands upon thousands of warning messages about mysql being loaded twice, but that’s not the issue here.
Check top and see there’s 257 instances of httpd, whereas 256 is spawned by httpd, mysql is using 600% cpu and whenever I try to connect to mysql through cli it throws me a too many connections error.

I heard the IT partner talking about a ddos attack, so I asked them to pull it off the public network and only give us access through our vpn. They do that, reboot server, same problems.

Finally we get the it partner to rollback the vm to earlier last night. Everything works great, 30 min later, it crashes again. At this point I’m getting tired and frustrated, this isn’t my job, I thought they had competent people working on this.

I noticed that the db had a few corrupted tables, and ask the it partner to get a dba to look at it. No prevail.

5’o’clock is here, we decide to give the vm rollback another try, but first we go home, get some dinner and resume at 6pm. I had told them I wanted to be in on this call, and said let me try this time.

They spend ages doing the rollback, and then for some reason they have to reconfigure the network and shit. Once it booted, I told their tech to stop mysqld and httpd immediately and prevent it from start at boot.

I can now look at the logs that is leading to this issue. I noticed our debug flag was on and had generated a 30gb log file. Tail it and see it’s what I’d expect, warmings and warnings, And all other logs for mysql and apache is huge, so the drive is full. Just gotta delete it.

I quietly start apache and mysql, see the website is working fine, shut it down and just take a copy of the var/lib/mysql directory and etc directory just go have backups.

Starting to connect a few dots, but I wasn’t exactly sure if it was right. Had the full drive caused mysql to corrupt itself? Only one way to find out. Start apache and mysql back up, and just wait and see. Meanwhile I fixed that mysql being loaded twice. Some genius had put load mysql.so at the top and bottom of php ini.

While waiting on the server to crash again, I’m talking to the it support guy, who told me they haven’t updated anything on the server except security patches now and then, and they didn’t have anyone familiar with this setup. No shit, it’s running php 5.3 -.-

Website up and running 1.5 later, mission accomplished.

>Hello IT, how can I help you?
>Random problem...
>Have you tried turning it off and on again?
>Random excuse...
>Could you check if it is plugged in?
>Thank you!

Dear friends and family, just because I'm a devloper does not mean I know how to fix all of your IT issues. I am not IT.

Just got a call from IT people. They asked for a file which I already sent an email to them two days ago. When I told them that, they whined -- "You should have called me that you sent an email, I don't normally check it."

Didn't expect that kind of excuse from IT people... Or maybe my expectation was too high 😑

When you come up with a really good app idea and it turns up on a Play Store search

It's 3:17AM and the senior dev won't give me a ship-it even after 4 code revisions. I've decided to give up on life

Tl;Dr: Client-side validated online test

Some stupid questions in an online test.
Not all of them were coding questions, but all (yes ALL) were client-side validated and to solve the tasks all I had to do was to copy one array into another and set the time I needed for that task to a legit number.

Well at least it was an online test that doesn't required 3hours.

IT has returned to work and the servers are still working. The true Christmas miracle!

Hello everyone 👋

I see people blaming the developers when you see a crappy software product , saying that they have done a bad job.

But even it could be true also it could be the product managers who didn’t give enough time todo what needs to be done or project scope is too big for the persons knowledge.

I’ve worked in a company where deadlines were so tight I didn’t have enough time to proper UI and Testing. I used to be only developer who has someone experience and I had to train the interns as well. I am also to blame to joining such company but in desperate times takes desperate measures.

And now when i’m leaving the company and I have spend 2 years of my life for apps that I’m not proud of.

Just rant. Please feel free to give ur thoughts

Wtf. My mobiles 4 core CPU by default is clocked at 1190MHz. So I just wanted to see if I can over clock it a little (coz why not) and edited some stuff in my kernel. Now it runs stable at 2265MHz.... I mean.... Why the fuck didn't they apply that by default if its possible?

Well everybody knows it

Dear cursee,

It's Monday. It's already the middle of first month of 2019. There are clients expecting and waiting to see the finished projects. There are tasks with warning and delayed labeled on your boards. You have slept well. Ate well. Drank well. Only remaining thing left is to work and finish your tasks well.

You can do it. And you must.

Cheers,
cursee

Difficult communication with it guys!!!

devrant is not stackoverflow people. stop copying and pasting rants. It's likely we've seen it before. You're devs, use yo brains. #rant4rant #ctrlCctrlV

Coffee machine isn't working.

Well were developers it's a hardware issue.

Let's call IT

curl myapi.com/company --> 404
curl myapi.com/company/ ---> 200

fuck it. I give up.

I love it when a fellow "dev" asks about some interesting security topic (full disk encryption) and I'm like "yeah I use LUKS pretty much everywhere".. and then takes an entire arm when given a hand.

Performance in LUKS? Yeah sure you can benchmark it within cryptsetup. Here's how to do it and choose a good cipher for your CPU.

D: Oh also how do I check my battery life?
M (thinking): you lazy fucking piece of shit.
M: FUCKING GOOGLE IT
D: Obviously that means that you don't know it.
M (thinking): so not only lazy but also disgustingly ungrateful, fucking twat.
M: acpi. Next time fucking Google it.
D: You know what? Never mind.

As if I'm the one that's fucking wrong now!! But you know what, never mind indeed. Because you've successfully wasted my fucking time instead of fucking googling "check battery life Linux" like a sensible dev would.

Fellow "dev", if you're on devRant I hope you read this. You can seriously go fuck yourself.

So my friends PC died, since he lives in another country I help him over Signal.

He assembled his own PC a year ago and does a lot of programming for his study. Today Im helping him troubleshoot why his pc does not boot. Does it get into the bootmenu or not? He knows it doesnt. Then I recommend him to try unplugging his graphics card and plug his monitor in the motherboard. I then get a question if there are two HDMI types. Im smiling and think he is messing with me. That must be a displayport. Nope he was serious, he has this HDMI cable that doesnt fit his motherboard.

I sat in a tram and laugh out loud.. Because this is what he send me.
If it was anyone who didnt do anything with computers I didnt think it was laughable, but come on every programmer should know the difference between HDMI and DisplayPort

I FUCKING LOVE JAVASCRIPT...

The day I leave IT and get a developer job will be a glorious day.

Tl; dr: I used to be an immature little stinker

So... Back in middle school we had those super low level IT classes (like an hour a week or so). We've been using MS Excel and I thought it'd be an awesome idea to write a batch script that would open a green terminal (so hacker wow), echo something like "you've got hack'd pal" then sleep for a couple of seconds and do shutdown -p. Then I replaced the launcher in Excel folder with that script... I know it was immature AF but still funny as it took the teacher a good while to figure it out.

Marketing : Do you think we can implement this feature in a system?

Dev : Hmm....*checking specs*...This will...

Marketing : *interrupts* we have already signed a contract with a client.

Dev : ugh......

AI robo revolution 😁

Im going to my first IT conference!
By looking at the plan i already regret not getting the "Buzzword bingo"...

Machine learning? Check
Databases? Check!
Internet of things? Check!
Chatbot/Virual Assistant? CHECK!

First year at university, prepared to set up multiple electronics.
rPi, arduino Ethernet shield, laptop, and desktop.
Brand new netgear switch to satisfy my internet surfing needs....

After setting up my devices, I realized none of them have internet. Hm. The feed port on my switch wasn't blinking either. So I tell the front desk, and a short 7 days later the port is back on. Yay, problem solved.

One morning I arise to see the port dark and inactive. Furious I use my laptop to share an internet connection while my actual port is "broken".

Support ticket is reopened and this time I get an email saying the port was disabled due to a security issue.

Me: what's the issue?
IT: there was more than two devices connected to the port

(OnLy TwO dEvIcEs PeR port???)

Me: oh okay I will only connect two.

The next day the port is disabled, again.

Me: can you tell me why it was disabled?
IT: a switch was detected being used, security error.
Me: how do I connect more than one device to the port without a switch???
IT: ...
IT: Please only connect one device.

🤔

IT Companies Reality

When your school's elearning is so shite that it goes down even though it doesn't use AWS

Being am IT guy inna fucking small & forgotten city.
This is my life. I don't know if it's a opportunity to be rich or just die crazy with my ideas burning my head.

Client: Hi I'm having trouble with my computer.

IT Guy: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Google:- Google home is using machine learning to remove all type of back noise like traffic, air, and others so the call experience goes smoother.

Microsoft:- In Skype we are using machine learning to catch all type of back noise and mix it with your voice. Skype will try every possible way to make your call experience as bad as possible. Every type of noise Trafic, Air, hardware, your breath if there is nothing! the software will cut your voice and send only a few parts.

Local time: 10:45 AM

I get a call from a customer. "My computer isn't working," she says. "I can't get to Google."

"What does it say?" Ideas swirl through my mind as I ask the question. I've seen this problem before.

"'Your connection is not private,'" says she. "I just want to buy a program."

I instantly know what the problem is.

"What time does your computer say it is?" I say it calmly, almost with a knowing smile. Yes, this has to be the issue.

"Um... 1:40," she says, a drip of confusion in her voice.

"That's your problem," I say. "Just fix that and you'll be good to go."

The problem was resolved and all was good.

Try harder !! 😄😎

User (internal) - I’m having issues with the site on my machine...

Me - What browser are you using?

User - IE (8)

Me - Try Chrome

User - Can’t, IT have blocked it

Me - Try Firefox

User - Can’t, IT have blocked it

Will people who know nothing about IT stop pretending they know better than you

Coworkers using 'echo' command to comment lines in bash script because "our documentation says it".

That's one action packed day in the life of IT ..

Got an email from the IT manager of a subsidiary.
IT: Hi, I appeal to your IT skills: A. wants the Chrome bookmarks of B. How do I do it? Can I just login with B. account in A.’s Chrome to let her have the same bookmarks?
Me: No, please...never heard about export/import?
IT: Nope, thank you for the suggestion. I’ll do my best!

And that’s why I’m currently on holiday.....

IT Definitions of Designations

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that...a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months

Happy Christmas Eve, Everyone🎄
May you all be prepared for upcoming awkward family gathering. 🎅

Who the fuck writes a 200 line method with 52 if/else statements, 3 try-catches, 6 loops and only 1 comment saying //Array of system records. No dipshit I thought that was a Fucking interface. What happened to the whole keep it simple notion?!

All of my colleagues think that IT dept. know all the internet traffics.

Plot twist: we just have simple router without any log

Yesterday at work the internet went out. Our director of IT stopped by our cubes and the conversation that followed went like this:

Director: "Is the internet out for you guys?"
Us: "Yeah"
Director: "But you can still check your emails right?"
Us: ".... No?"
Director: "But the phones are working!"

*Director walks away to talk with our networking group*

People with "I am a senior, only I have to be right" mindset are really fustrating to work it.
It is not that hard to accept the truth. No one can be right all the time and no one gonna look down on you for that. You don't have to shove off-topic stuffs down the other people's throat when you realize you might be wrong.

An IT guy told me during a phone meeting set up to talk about how he builds these web forms on a dumb CRM for a client of ours that he has been an IT professional for 25 years.

He says he doesn't know much about the codey stuff.

What do IT professionals do again?

What does an IT guy said to a doctor?

IT hurts when IP.

Get it? GET IT?

When i worked in IT there was a client who bringed his desktop saying that it gets really hot and made some noices. When we opened the case we found a giant dead rat inside, its tail was tangled in a fan. It smelled horrible.

User: Hello, can you sync my printer to my laptop? I can't download anything to it.

Me: *facepalm* so much is wrong here...

Feeling sick as fuck. Stayed home instead of going to work but I am already upstet about what is happening whilst I am not there.

The manager was gracious enough to task the other developers with creating the templates for one of our projects. I submitted a document before stating our design guidelines and how under no circumstances they should not use bootstrap for the design since none of them know how to manipulate the source code enough to deviate from the standard bootstrap design. The lead developer, even tho I love the dude, has an attitude against new tech. He is primarily and only a php developer still in love with just jquery and php with no real knowledge of proper design methods. He is the kind of dude that would tell you that pdo is a waste of time and that why should we create models and use oop to separate our code into manageable files.
Today I get "why should we not use bootstrap" and shit like that.

Sigh.....i really don't want to see the shitstorm waiting for me tomorrow.

Funny how our cms administrator is eager to learn the list of technologies i proposed. They both gor Programming Ruby, the pickaxe holy book of Ruby and the dude is already halfway through it while the other developer is still asking why should we even bother when we have php.

I get the idea of if it ain't broken don't fix it and being proficient with one stack and whatnot. But that idea of i dont want to learn something new is precisely what shuts down progress.

On the phone.

Them: "So we do X and Y and Z... can you try again?"
Me: "Yup. Still getting max retries error"
Them: "You know what, let me restart the server"
Me: "Whatever you did it worked. API is back online"
Them: "You're kidding me right?"

Took us 4 hours to restart a server.

Casual chat with a girl in Facebook.
Me : Hey, What are u doing these days?
She : I'm completed a IT course.
Me : hmm... Interesting, What are the languages you have learnt at the IT course.
She : I learned English
Me : (Close the Chat,
Blocked her,
Shuts down the PC)

(Yes, Yes, This is a true story.)

Today, I wrote a code to manipulate children.

Just because I know how to program doesn't mean I know how to fix your goddamn computer. We have an IT support team. Call them!

Don't come to my desk asking about a computer problem, then stand there with a vacant stare when I say I can't help you. I've given you the support team's contact info several times already. I assure you, they specifically get paid to configure your emails, install printers, setup your VPN, etc. Now where the hell was I at...

Why is it called shutdown and not shutup

Fuck yeah, it works!

Lightdm doesn't however, so I have something to do...

I'm not "IT", but I understand 👌

working in IT support sometimes makes me wonder if people are really that stupid or they try to test me if i am really stupid.

All arguments about tabs and spaces, I just write my code in a non-formatted clusterfuck and then let the IDE format it.

I'm a stupid twat. Spent at least three hours today, all wasted. I had to update a user manual and change all the branding for a system I've licencesd and going to resell to my dumb clients. There was no original to work from only a pdf. Managed to convert it to word but all the formatting was fucked. So set up some heading and paragraph styles, proper header and footer and auto generate TOC's. I did all this without actually reading it, thought I'd get the formatting and branding out of the way first. So after all that I started the job of editing it and updating it. Quickly realised that PDF I converted was for a different but similar system. Tommorow is Groundhog Day.

My IT teacher just said you can only input decimal values through keyboard..
Thank God I'm a self learner :P

How much You know from this?
How much you are earning by that knowledge?
How much your company can give that person?

Me, when I try to explain to non IT-people, what I do for a living

I was reading some google api docs and came across php function parse_str().

This function literally executes the passed string as php code.

Who the fuck in their right mind would even think of implementing it.

I knew php is widely hated language, but this thing is plain abomination.

First I did not like the show „The IT crowd“, but than I got drunk and now it is quite funny 😁

I still can't get it why people looks at IT people as lowlife. If you need a new computer in your office I can get the right spec and help you to buy it. But moving the computer table is not my job 😠

Fuck these people. They have PhDs in everything but don't know how to walk properly.
"Oh let me get right in front of you while you walk faster", have you ever driven a car you porg shit?
And these people that wear backpacks! OH MY GOD I HATE BACKPACKS! I mean, if you wear one please tell me you've been wearing them since you were born. Otherwise you're not calculating the extra space you take AND YOU JUST WALK LIKE A FUCKING GORILLA.
I have come to the point of inventing the walking permit. You're born with it, and starting at 18 y/o it can be stripped away. LEARN TO WALK.

Was it needle haystack, or haystack needle?

Happy Christmas fuckers.

I don't normally swear, but I'm with family in Ireland and I'm not the designated driver for once, so fuck it.

Have a good one!

FUCKING FUCK ANGULAR!!!!
LIKE FUCK IT IN THE ARSE AND BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER WHILE LAUNCHING A MISSILE ON IT TO BE SURE!

(ﾉ≧∇≦)ﾉ ﾐ ┸━┸

So I am making something on angular and I got everything running in ng serve(development environment) , after handling all issues and showing it to my boss man he approves and asked to put it up on prod for a demo , doesn’t sound like an issue , I make the prod build on cli and BAM! 16 errors ? No issues right?, I’ll just google the issue. Googles.... there aren’t no clear solutions to it as the angular version keeps changing and nobody knows what broke it, I mean people have the issue,but like 100 reasons that can cause it,
HOLY LORD RELEASE A NEWER VERSION AFTER MENDING THE OLD ONE
But nooooooo!

Angular Dev:We fucked this one, lol what should we do boss man?
Angular boss man: lol just leave it, we need to build the new version with newer bugs,

P.S. I like angular, but it’s like a underdeveloped framework, too many issues and too many changes

just bought (rented) my first dedicated server, for flipping 10€/month. let's see how it goes! boy, am i excited for my new toy...

My Grandma: Go with your aunt to help her buy a refrigerator.
Me: But I don't know anything about refrigerator
My Grandma: But you spend all your time on computer, and it is just technology
Me: But its not the same thing at all
My Grandma: And I thought you were smart

Me: 😑

It was like this all day

I hate IT managers, how on earth some become ant form of manager is beyond myself.

I have a server with a hardware firewall. A client, based in the UK, with French offices is saying the server blocking their new French IP. I white-listed their IP address, still no luck.

That was a week ago.

After 4 international phone calls and nearly 30 emails I resolved the "issue".

Their so called "IT Manager" sent over the wrong IP. Instead of it starting with 46.* he sent over an IP starting 42.*, which was in fact being correctly blocked.

Suffice to say I charged the client a lot of money for the wasted time and international rate calls.

I fucking hate those apps/websites where you can create an account but there's no fucking way of deleting it by yourself, nor even by messaging a moderator...fuck, and it's even worse when they put you on their newsletter list and the unsubscribe doesn't do anything...Fuck

Please fellow devs, if you ever work on apps that require creating an account, provide a way to delete it too.

Ugh fuuuuuuck.

Pro of not using Git

* No git conflict

I'm working on a banking app (Android) and I thought: "This is a bank. An important one. They will surely have a good IT department! It will be a joy to work with them"...

Never have I been so wrong!

That moment you find out someone paid a lot of money to get a site made with WIX.... It hurts to know how much they paid for it

fuck it!
I quit my job to pursue PHD, my career was of only 5 months.

I have set up a raspberry pi and screwed it with some switches and buttons to the wall next to my bed, so I don't have pick the remote which lays on my shelf...
The pi handles the buttons and switches and sends infrared signals to TV, stereo and receiver ^^

In 11th grade I had a shitty teacher who would make students go away from this one computer he always used in the computer lab. It was pretty annoying because he only ever used it to watch YouTube videos of fuckall Bollywood news and other garbage like it.
It was extremely annoying and inconvenient to everyone.
One day, I went to his PC, when he was not there, and reallocated the default way to open all .exe files to nothing, using the Windows Registry.
He came back and saw that none of his applications work and his PC is basically unusable now.
It was extremely funny for a few days to watch the IT guys try to fix but they weren't able to.
Now I don't know what they told the school but a month later they bought a completely new CPU and placed it instead of that one.
So fucking stupid.

I've been a Windows OS user for nearly 20 years, Mac OS user for nearly 2. (Java/ C# dev)
I've had more BSOD on the Mac than on Windows. I've had 2 today, once when opening the laptop after not touching it this weekend, second whole in a debug of an app.

A cannon was fired before it was even loaded.

#js

The IT policy at my company is down right ridiculous. You’re required admin rights to fucking move desktop shortcuts to the trash, all chrome extensions and almost anything you download from the internet is a ‘virus’, good luck getting driver support for external devices.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

!Rant
Awesomeness ensues!!!!!

I finally quit my day job at the place I was working to finally go full time with my business, TerraNimbus. I was able to secure a small loan to cover business and personal expenses until I can drum up enough business to keep things a float.

I’m super fucking stoked because I’ve been wanting to branch out and do this for about 4 years now and finally feel like I have the right pieces in play to make it work. I’m as nervous as hell but so fucking excited too!

I just needed to share this here cause the DevRant community is world class and you guys/gals are fucking killing it everyday being AWESOME!!! And you all feel like extended family members to me all going through the motions in each of your lives and keeping ‘in touch’ through devRant on a daily basis. So I wanted to share my story with everyone here.

Was very excited to receive my new work laptop. Everything is in French and I don't even have admin rights!
I guess they trust me with writing SW for their cars but when it comes to customising my own pc a team of IT guys should supervise me.

The perks of working in IT

Submitting my changes for review and my CTO catches the line:
```js
console.log("It fucking works")
```

Ffs. Am I sick or is it normal that after almost a year at current company, I still love it and have nothing to rant about? It makes me happy and sad at the same time that i have nothing to rant about and this is the only rant i can come up with

Why the fuck these managers can’t understand that you can’t build a full blown system with in a week. After building a demo driven application to show the client you can tell the client we are fucking ready to launch the damn thing . I FUCKING MENTIONED BEFORE GOING TO THE MEETING ITS NOT RELEASE READY GOD DAMN IT.

Now when I say we can’t launch this app we need to fix things . THE FUCKING MANAGER HAS THE GUTS TO SAY “one day is enough to fix the issues right ? Shouldn’t be a big deal for you to fix this” .

Kill me now 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Anyone else have random channels popping up in the subscriptions tab on YouTube?

I feel like YouTube is subbing to random people for me…

Stop it.

Comitting a code is like comitting a crime,
There is a chance it will make something better, but it usually fucks everything up.

The IT department at my school doesn't know anything on Ubuntu or even Linux for that matter.
I asked them how I could connect to the WiFi on Ubuntu, cause I couldn't connect and they just said there was nothing they could do.
After that I spend two days to figure out how to connect and finally I got it working.
Next time I don't ask if they can help. I just ask for the settings and do it myself...

Is it legal to destroy other company's site or app. because they didn't pay your money in the past?
and also app they created is not secure.
The company is in another country.
.
.
.
If "No"
I'll still do that. I don't care.

the kind of issues our it department have

Our it department 😁

It was less a feature, but more a bug wrapped as a feature

Spent 1 month creating a piece of software for a school project and when I speak of it to someone on the IT business they tell me:
"Really? Once you start working you'll be using software that'll allow you to do something twice as hard in about 2 hours"

I'm not allowed to talk about the coolest things I've done :(
NDAs always ruin the fun!
But I can tell you that they were freakin awesome. I'll come back to this in a bunch of years :)
Just know it was awesome!

What's with this "!rant" thing at the start of rants? Is it some ettiquette thing when you mistakenly mis-tag, but can't change the tag, so you have to add this to say "genuine mistake"?

So we had to register for placements.. and the company sent email with plain text password.. and thats the password i registered with! nice!

BTW.. its one of the biggest company in IT industry globally.

Fuck corporate proxies. Fuck having to debug them, fuck figuring out how to use them with every piece of software you need, fuck failed builds due to some repository surprisingly being blocked for unknown reason and, most of all, fuck IT staff who deny there was a problem once it mysteriously disappears.

When you code for a long period and after exicuting it you find this....

My boss, the IT Director told me someone's Word wasn't saving... Their Track Changes was on. #facepalm

Setting up a local website here takes a couple of hours at least. Worst case scenario is 2 or 3 days.

I have to do it in 30m and the pc didn’t even had IIS or Sql Server studio.

I just realized i can call myself an IT GIRL.
Well I do care about coding style..
Maybe I should put that on my business card

when other than IT people use linux first time on your computer and ask u where is "START" button and where is "My Computer "

Still my most favorite GIF...

... because it reminds me, the bigger the product the bigger the possible back(sp)lash

(no I can't remember where I saw it first)

"hey, life is going ok right now." Bam! Death in the family. Damn it life, who debugged you?!

this happened to me the other day and ever since any UPS we set in that room fries itself ... mysterious .... maybe the volage on the plug it wrong

Nothing ruins my day like having to touch up python scripts. I'm predominantly a Java dev and never learned Python properly so every time I do it its THE WORST

Continuing my rant from Yesterday....
As I was strolling though Walmart yesterday...
Tech Support 1: $Customer is having issues with their tablet they bought from us.
Tech Support 2: tell them to shut it off and shut it back on
Me: ❓

Does anyone else sometimes feel like they're working in 'the IT crowd'?

As a student, I live in a house with friends and the actual didn't have a table in my room.
So after one month waiting for a answer of the owner I decided to buy one in second hand. All I can say is that I love it.
Any suggestions to some improvements?

PS: external drive is only temporary

just finished after a full day's work, headed to a bar. their menu is not on paper but an ipad app and it crashed the very second I selected "drinks".

Sometimes you just have to chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on

Very applicable to my life the past few days

ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?

I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?

about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.

Sooooo this is the thing.

For a stupid fucking project at work we basically have to scrum manage a bunch of individual components on a rather large web app.

We start with the html and css and js bs and we all have to work on different sections of one page at a time. Large blocks right? Ok cool.

Originally I had suggested to build everything inside individual php files and then stack them up with require(). As fucking simple as fucking that. Except that the manager does not have php on her pc. The other two developer don't either. I am the only one that fucks with php OUTSIDE our fucking servers.

Go fucking figure...the lead developer does not fuck with php outside the servers.....man

So, because i know it would be a shitstorm with something as basic as installing i dunno...fucking xampp my manager said that she needs a different solution.

Fuck it...fine...whatever. i know go. So i make a fucking server wich upon being fired you can just code the templates and paste them where they need to go. Docs and everything..a sane folder structure and everything and a fucking pipleline for the assets and everything. I would have thought that shit was good enough but I even added a cmd tool that merges all the fucking html files together into one html file with all the shit included.

All in Golang. It works, its fast and i can just give them the fucking folder with the exe and it will work.

I dunno if this was the best way to do it. But it took me maybe 20 mins to do it and it works.

I would have expected our manager to be impressed but she legit did not gave two fucking shits about the fact that one of her developers is able to create this mini server for static sites shitstain project in 20 minutes.

Man I don't want praise. She thinks that jquery is the best thing in the world so I don't expect much. But shit man.......a better reaction would have been better. She basically went meh ok as long as it works.

I also showed them a demo of a flutter project to replace the shitty ass webview filled school app that they have for android and ios. Shit is native and it looks beautiful. Ask me what she said.

Go on, fucking ask me.

She said tha if it would take me much time to continue on that the she would rather leave it to the third party vendor that currently makes the app.

I told her that such shitty app costs the school 40 fucking thousand dollars a year that I could do in a fucking month, which would also be better since it would raise the salaries of me and the other 2 developers and will more importantly make us more valuable to the school.

Said that she would think about it because we have a lot of projects.

I
Fucking
Hate
It

When someone fucks with my ability to make more money. I hate it fam. And i fucking despise being limited by other people.

Fuck this week.

I am never gonna grow in here. Ever. But it pays the bills so fuck it.

Saw this in the shop. No way I was going to walk out without getting my hands on it! 😁

From your experience, what's the most inefficient (IT-wise) industry you encountered?

I'd vote for IT in hospitals (at least here in Germany), it is really a PAIN to watch. My wife and I needed to give our data to three different departments when signing in, because nothing is shared across the stations. And when they did a (fully digital) ultrasound of our little baby, they had to freaking PRINT the images and re-enter the results on a PC in another room, because there is no connection. What the heck?!