<rant>
*Rules For Work*

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

</rant>

(tl:dr at the bottom)
context:
my partner programming skills are pretty basic and he does not work in software development. instead he is in the largest (and only) electricity company here.
history:
one day his boss ask him "hey, do you know how to use google maps?"
Partner: "yeah, what do u need?"
His boss: "great! please make 10,000 routes with these coordinates, i need them for tomorrow"
Partner: "WTF!" ,grab his phone and call me, "(explains me te situation) dude, can you make like a script or something?"
Me: "Sure, but we'll need a loooot of coffee"
We spent 18 hours developing a routes generator with java-fx, mysql and JS.
Next day we went to deliver those routes and to "show" the system. They told us that after searching for 6-7 months, they wasnt able to find such a solution as ours.
Next day, I took a plane to this company HQ (My partner was food-sick, so i had to be there by my own), had a meeting with the TOP Bosses (on of them arrived in a Helicopter, lots of body-guards) and after a 3-4 hours, just like that, we had our first Big Contract with a huge ass company.

tl;dr:
we ended making an 8 months national project with the biggest and only electricity company with an 18hrs-developed system.

CTO wants all variables in file to be same length. You cant have "start" and "stop". You must have "start" and "cease".

"When you have a problem you can't solve, just google it. If you don't find another person that has encountered the same problem/error as you, you're doing something wrong."

- Software Engineering teacher, 2016

You always develop on a Mac, you get a great job offer, and on your first day, you find out you will work on a windows pc.

Are you reading your own email?! Do you even comprehend what you just wrote?!

At least it's Friday. Happy Friday everyone!

Designer x Developer gif

when you're pretty sure everyone on devrant is a web developer and you're not

https://github.com/nvbn/thefuck

What a time to be alive.

.push-up-bra {
margin-top: -25%;
overflow: visible;
}

Exception handling.

My life hurts when I have to develop on someone else's computer and they use the "light-theme". #teamdarkside

Make sense ...

Everyone always says the previous developer was crap, sometimes you're right

What is the worst production mistake you made?

Mine is restarting one of the main servers (wrong terminal window).

Knock knock.

Who's there?

*long pause*

Java!

Am I the only one who will spend an hour to write a script that runs only once to save myself from entering in 20 minutes worth of data manually?

FREE THE MALLOCS!!!!

They are all images.... *face palm*

Why didn't I comment my code on Friday...

Well that's my evenings sorted for the rest of the week

Because it seems like everyone has this kind of stuff in their office I made one too:

Two tasks at the top of the backlog that was approved by the scrum master, and pm. We finish them in a few hours. Pm comes out.

Pm: Why are you guys working on those tickets!?!?!
Us: because they are the first things in the list.
Pm: but the client hasn't agreed on the work yet.
Us: then why is it the top of our list!!!
Pm: cause it's important.

Less stressful days from now on! Thanks guys! It took only 1 month and 5 days to them to travel from New York to Central Finland, but all worth it.

Already dreading about going to work Monday because there is an all day meeting scheduled. 7am meeting, non programming related, video conference. Yikes. #ijustwanttoprogram