!rant
400 Nerf bullets just arrived... Office is gonna become a war zone...

Boss walked towards his office asking a coworker to do something.
Coworker replied that he'd like to but only the boss has the login codes or something like that.

Boss: ah right *walks to coworkers table* let me enter that stuff *starts typing*
Coworker: Maybe I'm running a keylogger 😏
Me: *exchanging funny eye contact with coworker* yeah maybe he is.... 😏
Boss: *looking back and forth at both our faces suspiciously*
Coworker: 😏😏😏
Me: 😏😏😏
Coworker: 😏😉
Me: 😏😆
Boss: 😐

*three of us laughing*

😆

I really hate it when we have to wear formal dress to office. I feel like a marketing executive. My code stares at me with suspicious looks.

Last monday I just ask my boss to add our intern number to office group

FUCK!! It's been 3 days in the new office.
Can't find a single to rant about.
Why is everyone is so fucking nice??

I'm gonna paste this on my office printer.

Fuck open office spaces.

A few months ago I landed a super sweet job as a senior full stack developer, mainly going to work with their Python microarchitecture. The company pays well, has a sweet balance between freedom and responsibility, 30 days vacation etc.

During the recruiting process they walked me around the office that was super cozy with 14 devs in on large room and 10 people from marketing in another. They also mentioned that they would move and merge office with operations and customer service (around 100 more people) in a few months.

Life was good in the old office, I thought that this is the company where I will work for a looooong time.

Now we are in the new office and its fucking shit. No walls or FUCKING CEILINGS between departments. Right above my head there is balcony with customer service talking loud as fuck 24/7. Everyone that is not a developer is just so fucking loud.

I have to use earplugs AND earmuffs to get silence, or blast my ears with way to loud music. Every day around lunch I'm completely done mentally.

I know I'm extra sensitive to noise because of my ADHD, but seriously who the fuck thought this was a good idea?

All the devs have told our boss what needs to be done. If they listen i don't know. In the meantime I will start looking for a new job....

Aaah, the smell of an empty office in the morning!

ordered 400 nerf darts for the next office war

#office 😂

In our office, everyone is placed so that we have a wall behind us. Initially, there was enough room behind us so that we can walk just fine.

Everything was fine till our manager didn't start making us some random visits and standing behind us just looking at our screens and making us feel unpleasant.

So one day we moved the tables so there is almost no room behind us. And we are aligned in a row with no space between the tables. Now if the manager decided to do it again he would have to struggle his way behind us.

Few days passed by and our manager finally showed he saw what we did, didn't say anything. It was clear that he wasn't happy about it. He tried to lean himself over the monitors to take a look but that was just not so as "good" as standing behind us...

A time passed and one day when we came to work we saw the tables moved forward some 15-20cm just enough to be able to move behind. Almost immediately we pulled them back as they were before.

We moved back and forward already few times and are currently playing cat and mouse with our manager.

Noone is saying anything just the tables are moving every 2-3 days or so. Let's see who is going to give up first hahaha

Story of every IT office

Is it OK to make chewing noise when eating in the office a meter away from your colleagues?

I have the answer for you my friend:
.
.
.
ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO.

Is it weird to like being in the office a couple hours before everyone else shows up so I can start my day with peace and quiet?

Just got the new office update and damn the new icons are hideous

The office toilet chronicles - episode 2

Someone here has a fucking sprinkler where they should have a penis. Is it so hard to aim? Or fucking sit?

Looks like Linux now has pretty good Office 365 support (at least unofficially)

My office setup.. 27" and 34" curved DELL monitors...
Plus the red bean bag.. 😸

When you reach office early...

When people take office automation too seriously.... 😂

Kind of sad but true.
1) "If you don't love your job, take a home loan".
You will start loving it.

2) Take another loan, you will start loving your boss as well.

3) Get married. You will start loving your office too.

Source: LinkedIn

But can't stop anyone from ranting. :/

This is my work desktop. Since I'm working in a Japanese office, they're very specific about making sure your workspace is clean and tidy at all times. Also they expect you to have very little to no personal items on your workspace.

The mini whiteboard is my best tool. It makes it easier to work out minor concepts or to explain things to co-workers.

Poor dev home office setup.

Annoyingly typical office conversation:

Person 1: "Good morning."
Person 2: "Good morning, how are you?"
Person 1: "Good. How are you?"
Person 2: "Good."
Person 1: "Good."

NO! Not good, fuckers. I hear this all day long, come up with something real or original. Talk about the massive shit you just took, or how hard you're taking the news about Diablo Immortal. It reminds me of that scene in Office Space with the repetitive call center lady, lol.

Today we moved to a new office in the next building.

It is a very big upgrade, since it is bigger and nicer.

So I ask where the bathroom is and go in the direction told, and the bathroom is so nice! Huge mirror, everything is clean and new.

On the way out I find that it was the girls bathroom....

Should I add this to crontab?
(found this hanging in the office)

I got my first own office... We did it. We just painted our mini Iranian office in two nights and we about to code it,has 5 min distance to our college and it's a golden opportunity to work and study at the same time.

The office toilet chronicles - episode 3

Someone left shit on the toilet seat. That's right. Shit. On the toilet seat.

This is the second time this happens. I'm working with fucking monkeys here. One of these days they'll start throwing feces at each other. I just hope I'll be long gone when it happens.

Just moved into our new house today and my wife gave me an early Christmas present. Really just completes my new office. This beautiful lamp is touch activated on each individual light and each light is individually dimmable by touch as well. 😍 had to share

I HATE working with MS Office products. Yes, Access, I'm looking at you, you backwards, whanabe database reject! You're invalid as a serious SQL database and retarded as an data application suite.

VBA, make up your MIND with your damn function calls! Either require me to use parenthesis or don't! I'm sick of this conditional parenthesis sh*t!

While we're talking about not making up your mind... screw 'sub', you half wit language! Either use functions like a real language or go the f&$k home and make room for a language that knows what it's doing!

Oh!!! WHY... WHY! do you have null AND... NOTHING?! Who... Who... WHO invented "nothing"?! And what sick joke are you playing at with isnull() and empty()??? How many damn ways so you need to test for "no value"?!?!

Access... That's right, I'm not done with you yet... How is it you've survived this damn long in the business world with all of the databases you corrupt? Sure, you suck as a real database, but at least have some freaking pride that people even USE you! How DARE your corrupt yourself with the regularity you seem to have! I wish my bowel movements were as regular as your database corruptions, for the love of humanity.

F$@k you, VBA! F@&k you, Access! F$#k you, MS Office! And Fuuuuuu$k YOU Microsoft for shoving these half assed reject tools down my throat!

I hope your cloud uses Access as a back end and gets some injection virus.

*Takes deep breath* need to say that.

Office prank time! It was some years ago when the horror movie "The Grudge" came out, with that creepy Japanese dead girl who made that horrible "aaahhhhhh" sound. A coworker, who was just as shocked by the movie as I was, would occasionally send me emails with sceenshots from that movie.

One day, I upped it. I knew he was the first in the office in the morning, so I arrived even before him. It was still dark. I put a walkie-talkie under his desk, set it to "no beep", switched off the lights again and hid two rooms away.

Sure enough, he arrived. I waited for about 10 minutes to be sure he was sitting at his desk. Then I used my walkie-talkie and "aahhhhh".

WOAH, his scream was loud even two rooms away!

Just after entering the office the heat wave hit me. 28ºC in the office at 8 a.m.?!?! Air conditioner down. Damn.

Live in North Europe they say. It's gonna be cool they say.

Home office / lockdown story

Last year, when the first lockdown happened, everyone in my office started working from home. Including myself of course.
I decided to use x11vnc for remotely accessing my PC cause it is super convenient.
A few days into the home office and suddenly the remote keyboard acts weird, with random keypresses that I didn't do, and then the letter L was written over and over like it was stuck.
Assuming a bug in x11vnc, I restart it several times, but no luck. Whenever I open a terminal it is full of "L"s within a matter of seconds.
So I restart my PC remotely and reconnect the x11vnc, which is a huge pain in the arse if you have ever done it. And can you believe it... Still the same problem!
So, finally I gave up and went to the office to see what the hell was going on with my PC. I entered my office room and could not believe my eyes.
What had happened? The room cleaner had wet-wiped my desk. To create enough free space for that, she had first cleaned up the mess, putting the scattered paper nicely on the side, but then also *putting the bloody mouse on the bloody keyboard*.

My setup at the Office where I currently work

Things you can enjoy when working in an office with other people:

- listening to everyone chew gum with their mouths open.
- being constantly interrupted by coworkers asking for help, even when wearing headphones.
- getting distracted by someone bursting out in laughter of some private joke.
- having to take a break when everyone else does, because everyone is so loud you just can't focus.
- being hit on the back of the neck by a nerf gun bullet, right when you're most focused.

Why would anyone ever want to work at home?

So 10 months ago i moved from Cambridge (UK) to Guildford (UK), due to moving this distance i started working from home and going into the office once a week.

Now after 10 months i have finally got my home office how i first imagined it. Everything runs from my laptop which is located on the shelving unit away from my desk. Everything plugs into it via 1 USB lead.

Setup:
27" 2560 x 1440 monitor flanked by two 1280 x 1024 monitors.
Asus Laptop (i5-6300HQ, 12GB ram, 512GB SSD + 1TB HDD)
Home PC (i5-7600, 8GB ram, GTX 770)

Accessories:
StarTech USB hub - This allows me to plug my three monitors, keyboards, mouse and everything else into my laptop.
KVM switch - Allows me to swap between my Work PC and Home PC with a click of a button

Finally got myself setup in my new office today, before there was three of us cramped into a tiny 3mx4m office, now only two of us in a much larger office.

Since 4 weeks i have during work my noise cancelling headphones on, thanks to the new open space office.
I don't even hear my phone ringing 😂

#TheCoronaEffect

Before Corona: (Work From Office)

Boss: Let's have a call.
Me: Sure, allow me some time I am assisting the team on a new feature in the app.
Boss: Ok, ping me as you get free.

----------------------------------------------------------

Now: (Work From Home)

Boss: ***Calls for the 15th time in a day...***
Me: (With Bleeding Ears) Yes sir, am here...!
(Having to pick up every single time as he knows you've got nowhere to go 'coz the whole city is in LockDown)
Boss: ***Talks for another 1 hour with screen share***

My Boss is a bigger threat to my health than Corona now!!!

#GoCoronaGo

Those developers working under non-technical bosses, i understand your pain.

1. Pain when they don't realise that output != number of hours put in. Aaaaaaand that acting busy doesn't mean someone's working.
2. Pain when chilling out in office is necessary, because mind jobs don't work same as other jobs. Wherein if you don't vent it out you're gonna screw up the code. Them not getting that.
3. Pain of "meetings".
4. Pain of changing the feature when you're done, and them acting as if its a minor change.
5. Pain of vague requirements.
6. Pain of a product not thought through, and them trying to blame the implementation.

Almost ever day I am the first one at office in the early morning. Other devs arrive at least one or two hours later. I don't mind. I just want to have a bit of sun left, when I go.

But why the heck...everytime I go, one of those other fucktards (which I normally really like), mumbles something like "you go this early today?"

Yes I do you dipshit!! You could arrive earlier, too!

And then, those late birds get credit for staying longest!!!

I mean, sure... If you start to work at 11pm, you have to stay long...

Meeeeh

That moment when you walk into the office on your first day, while setting up your desk they ask you which mouse you would like to use, and you respond "oh no thank you I prefer my trackpad" and the whole office stops what their doing and gives you that look...

I wonder why new Office icons look like a ripoff from stack exchange....

@localhost, office config, 4 vertical 22's.

Sigh.That day again where I have to work from the client's stupid office.
- Spotify blocked
- Youtube blocked
- Can't ssh to my private VM
- Office is stuffy and no fresh air.Smells like feet and french fries mixed.
- No paid lunch,I have spend my own money
Sigh. 6 more hours to go.

My office has blocked access to all external websites. Only internal, self-hosted sites under our domain work.

P E A K. S E C U R I T Y.

Finally getting some upgrades for our office workstations!!
My work-pc still rocks 3rd gen core i7 with -40% performance loss because of spectre/meltdown patches and 1600 mhz ram. Its been a huge pain in the ass. Building unreal engine from source literally takes a day, while on my home Ryzen 5 it takes an our.
Ryzen 7/9 babyyy!!!
(I might even be able to talk them into a threadripper, wish me luck 😀)

It was friday evening and almost everyone in office had left. I was assigned a bug related to some of my code changes. I called my senior to help me debug (has three years of experience, whereas me having only one year exp, who is also a very good friend of mine *always helps in debugging*).
So the code goes

switch (someEnum) {
case One:
doSomething()
// no break
case Two:
t.x = someEnum
break
case Three:
.....
}

I had recently added new enun One and was reciting the code logic to him as we were looking through code.
Him: Hey you haven't set t.x in case One. How did you miss that?
Me: No look, I haven't but a break on it. It will go ahead and set it in next case.
Him: What are you talking about? if the someEnun is One why would it execute Two case. Lets copy that line up there and try it locally.
Me: No no no wait. Are you saying that groovy doesn't need breaks in switch (Me being new to groovy but good with Java).
Him: Why would you need break in switch case even in Java?
Me: *stares at him*
Him: I'm going to execute a psvm right freaking now.
Me: *while he writes the psvm* Why did you think there were breaks in switch in any code?
Him: Shut up. *writes psvm code cursing me everywhere*
*executes code*
No way. Really??
Me: Tell me why do you think are there breaks in switch.
Him: I though they were to get you out of switch block and not execute the default block.
Me: So were you coding switch until now without breaks?
Him: I don't know man. I'm starting to doubt all the switches I have ever written.
Me: Anyway that's not the problem, so moving on.
*a while later*
Him: If a interviewer would ask me how would you rate yourself in Java. I would be like "Well I worked on various projects for 3 years in Java, but didnt know why we put breaks in switch. So you figure it out yourself."

One of the best moments in office.

Got migrated from 3-nerd room to 18 person open office. Even call centers have cubicles, but noooo.

Who the FCK invented open plan offices?

I can see how the morons are rubbing their two cells together:
"Who on earth would like to have some quiet when thinking? Thinking is for nerds! Sales people make money and they like to yell all over the F!#!#! place.

Fck this. Turning in my resignation today.

because the bin was always full

Office Mouse parking 😄😄

What do Developers at Office do when the internet is down ?
(at mine, we play the dinosaurs game and compete for the highest score.)

Beware of office politics. Take it from me. Beware whom you trust in the workplace. Sometimes you won't detect it and they will prey on your innocence. You thought they're good but really is not. Back stabbers.

I hate when I'm being questioned when I wander off to the kitchen to get a sandwich for 5 minutes when the smokers at the office have their sixth smoking break that usually takes about 10 minutes.

Let me enjoy my non-smoker breaks 😒

Home office.

Things that should be free in the office :
- Water
- Kleenex
- Coffee

My Christmas jumper for around the office this year

I hope the days never come when devRant is blocked by office networks

our HR made a survey about home office and how people think about coming back to office in the future. Shortly afterwards, our new CEO sent us an e-mail saying that he would like to see more employees in the office again soon. After all, it is paid for and must therefore be used. Of course, it's better for everyone to commute 2 hours to work every day, and last year home office worked well for everyone.
Personally, I can do without constantly sitting with my colleagues in a noisy office where 10 people are on the phone at the same time.

Bonus: In his opinion, software is better when it has more LOC.

Bonus2: Last working day for me is end of September. After that I start my new job with 43 days vacation per year :D

Today, a team mate has sent me this picture: he found this Olivetti in the street, near a trash bin. He will take it to the office next Monday so we are going to troll other team mates with this new and fantastic mechanical keyboard!!

My friend told me stories about his colleague who's always against him.

One time, during their management meeting, that colleague suggested that they should have a suggestion box in the office.

So my friend proposed that they use Google forms. He presented how Google forms work and the majority got really impressed(except the colleague).

Naturally the colleague is against him, he said "this is not what I had in mind". He wanted to have an actual box and people write suggestions on paper and drop it in(suggesting the ancient way).

Every meeting, the colleague complains a lot, and my friend provides techy and convenient solutions.

Past few weeks, I have started to work late night and sleep whole day. I go to office at around 7pm and returns back next day 8-9am. I found it super productive.
But, my manager wasn't happy about it and now, she shifted daily scrum at 1 PM and emailed me to make sure I attend it daily.
Now, I have to fix my sleeping cycle... Nights are so great to work. Silent and nobody around.
Now, from tomorrow, I got a new challenge everyday to make it to scrum daily.

The stress ball is going to office with me today!

For security purposes, it should be good practice to lock your pc when you walk away. At my office, we practice harmless pranks when someone forgets, to "teach them a lesson". Usually just involves reversing/inverting displays, reversing mouse buttons, or changing the desktop background like this (because everyone is a closet bronie apparently)

!rant && !!rant

☝️ What does that give you?

Today will be the last day we gonna work at this fucking hellhole of an office. Since I had so many shits to remember from this office, let me share my favorite.

1) Ground floor. Got flooded last July. Half our equipments got soaked. Oh equipments as in computers, cables, reports documents, etc etc.

2) I am gonna miss those connection down days.

3) I will also miss those black out days where we couldn't work for hours so had to play teamwork games to keep the morale of the team and you know to stay awake.

4) I will also miss that fucking mouse or rat. You are small and cute but fuck you for chewing my potato chips and peanuts. A-hole.

5) No windows so with no air-conditioning, it is a literal hell hole.

Gotta stop. I might cry.

The office decided to buy us all ice-cream. I got mine out the fridge put it on my desk and before I sat down was asked to join a meeting, after that on the way to my desk got called over to help someone. Eventually got back to find my ice-cream had melted over my entire desk :(

I really, really need an office. Today I've been in a meeting for 2 hours with my mum hoovering in the background and my sister playing the entire fucking soundtrack to Chicago. FUCKING KILL ME!!!

Every time I fucking talk all you can hear is "'n' all that jazz" in the fucking background.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOREEEEE D'X

@localhost here the office edition😊😊

Who in their right mind though it would be a good idea to move the web development team to a new office without checking that the internet is connected.

What a waste of three working days.

And of course the project needs to be delivered by Sunday...

logical operated beer - welcome to the engineering office!

Internet is fluctuating in our office.
The network team sent out an email of unscheduled outage.
I thought of replying back,
"Have you tried turning it off and on again".

The whole Microsoft office suite is being rewritten in React.js

This. Is. Not. A. Joke.

This also includes Skype, Ms teams, all office programs on all platforms, AND, VS Code....

Guys, we have trully peaked... gg....

So my office manager decided to ban kitchen utensils in the office. Part of the reason was that there was too much stealing. Apparently too many mugs, knives, plates & spoons have gone missing for it to be just through loss.

I tried to reason with this office manager. I asked if we really want to create a culture of mistrust where we ban basic utilities like we’re children.

I appealed to the business logic do we really want freelancers going out to grab a coffee 10 minutes a day over a period of a year.

I tried to appeal to the digital nature of the office can we “source the solution from the office”

The other office have to bring in their own utensils but the other office has a canteen.

Essentially I feel like this was a power issue a decision was made I’m not allowed to question it.

Apparently my “behaviour” has been flagged with the CTO. 🤣🤨

I have to stir my tea with a knife unless I put stuff in my desk.

As a solution I decided to reach out to several green companies that provide disposable cutlery and kitchen where they agreed to send a sample which I put in the kitchen. I have a feeling this will be taken as hostile move in of what is: a solution.

Seriously W T actual F.

I just dropped my office laptop !
😨😨😨😨
There is a crack on the corner of the body but the device is Ok !
I am worried they will charge me the whole cost of the laptop ( i.e. 3 months worth salary )

two days before I complained of lower back pain. raised a concern in office as its due to long sitting hours and got a chair today with great lumbar support. :)

So I just discovered that MS Office has a dark theme...

Not actually a rant, but need some place to vent it out.

The company where I work develops embedded devices enabling the automobiles to connect to the internet and provide various end user infotainment services. My job mostly relates to how and when we update the devices.

There are about 100 different
variants of the same device, each one different from the other in a way that the process required to update for each of these device variants is significantly Different. Doing this manually would be and actually was a nightmare for almost everyone, so I set out on writing a tool that addresses this issue.

I designed my solution mostly in Python, allowing me for quick prototyping. First of all, I'd never written a single line of python code in my life. So I learn python, in matter of 2 nights. I took days off from work so I could work on this problem I had in my head. And in about 4 days, I was up with a solution that worked, reliably. I prepared a complete framework, completely extendable, in order to have room for 101th variant that might come in at any time. And then to make it easier and a no Brainer for everyone, the software is able to automatically download nightly builds and update the test devices with nothing more than a double click.

But apparently this wasn't enough. Today I found out that someone worked on a different solution in the background just a week ago, while reusing most part of my code. And now they start advertising their solution over mine, telling everyone how crappy my code is. Seriously, for fucks sake, my code has been running without issues since more than a year now. To make it worse, my manager seems to take sides with the other guy. I mean I don't even have someone to explain the situation to.

I really feel betrayed and backstabbed today. I worked my days, my nights, my vacations on this code. I put blood, sweat and tears into this. I push my self over my limits, and when that was not enough, I pushed my self even harder. But it all seems in vain today. All the hours that I spent, just to make it easier for everyone... All a complete waste. When you write code with such passion, your code is like your family... You want to protect it... But with all this office politics and shit, I seem to be losing my grip.

I've been contemplating the entire night, where I might have gone wrong, what could I've done to deserve this...but to no avail. I'm having troubles sleeping, and I'm not sure what I should do next.

Despair, sheer bloody Despair!

!dev !rant but still funny story

As the goth of the dev team, sometimes people ask me several things about me.

I was working on my code. It was 3 or 4PM and a bored dev asks came to me

He: Have you ever tried to be a vampire?
Me: No, I’m just a goth
He: Do you know a vampire?
Me: Unfortunately no, but I’ve heard of them.
He: Do they suck blood?
I don’t know if he was asking because of curiosity or in a sarcastic mode. As usual, I answered in a polite way explaining him what means to be a vampire, the types (blood and energetic) and the difference between a goth and a vampire.

While I was explaining to him this, the boss came into the office, heard me talking about the energetic vampires and said “Wow wow wow! What is coming on here?!” 😂

Vampire devs?

In my office, we have a big glass wall (a window wall, however you wanna call it), so we don’t need to turn on the lights until 5 o’clock.

Well, even though I’m goth, I hate to work on a dark office, but two of the other programmers don’t. Actually our boss adviced us to turn on the light to prevent vision problems. Fortunately, a partner of mine always turns on the light at 5 o’clock. They complain, so he tells them “oh, you vampires!!!” And they say “Elizadeath is the vampire here!”

What do you think is better? What works for you?

Who invented the open space office layout? If you're as unlucky as me, you end up sitting next to the protein junkie who pops open a tin of tuna mixed with some other shit that's there just because it smells horrible almost hourly, or you end up next to the PM whose desk is gossip central and by the end of the day you know "Sheila" is sleeping with her brother in law, and "Steve" has a tiny weiner.

Long time ago, back in a day of Microsoft Office 95 and 97, I was contracted to integrate a simple API for a payment service provider.

They've sent me the spec, I read it, it was simple enough: 1. payment OK, 2. payment FAILED. Few hours later the test environment was up and happy crediting and debiting fake accounts. Then came the push to prod.

I worked with two other guys, we shut down the servers, made a backup, connected new provider. All looked perfectly fine. First customers were paying, first shops were sending their products... Until two days later it turned out the money isn't coming through even though all we are getting from the API is "1" after "1"! I shut it off. We had 7 conference calls, 2 meetings, 3 days of trying and failing. Finally, by a mere luck, I found out what's what.

You see, Microsoft, when you invent your own file format, it's really nice to make it consistent between versions... So that the punctuation made in Microsoft Word 97 that was supposed to start from "0" didn't start from "1" when you open the file in Microsoft Word 95.

Also, if you're a moron who edits documentation in Microsoft Word, at least export it to a fucking PDF before sending out. Please.

Have you ever had a problem with a partner, but you cannot prove at 100% that he has something against you? But you cannot stand him?

Well, this happened two years ago. I was working as a tester, and “John” (I won’t say his real name) was the dude who tests my tests, but in production.

I ‘m a sociable person, and I don’t mind talking with another people. Suddenly, I noticed that my co-worker started to behave a little bit... rude? Plain? I don’t know, but sometimes he didn’t answer my conversations/questions, or sometimes answered with extra-negative stuff.

“Well, his life is not easy” I said to myself. “Everybody haveproblems”, “I have to understand him and calm down”.

Two weeks later started to report really REALLY absurd production bugs, and with absurd I mean, for example, that he didn’t like the color of a button, a point next to a phrase, etc., things very very simples, but sometimes he ignored big errors.

Once I had to went out of the city for few hours, and asked to permission to go out. I had pending tests, but I left a document with specifications in case of emergency. Even passwords. Before I could finish the thing in the other city, my partner called me two times, and asking me obvious things! I had to go back to the office ealier that I had planned, so f*** angry 😡 and when I arrived to the office, John said “no, forget it, let’s solve it tomorrow” 🙃 WTF?!!!!!!

I decided not to argue with him.

Also noticed that his headaches suddenly increased, and looked so tired ☹️ I felt guilty to judge him

I felt so guilty, and even today I don’t know what to feel about that or what to think. I don’t work there anymore, but, What do you think? What would you do?

Office survival tip #1: When in a new office with no kitchen, heat your food with the office heater.

How @JacoKotze and I are heating our food in our new office (no kitchen equipment or microwave yet)

That awkward moment when you stay late night in the office to catch up some delayed work and suddenly remember that story you heard during lunch about the ghost that appears in the office at night

If I ever go back to work from the office it would be hard not to fart anytime it feels like it.

Who's using Nerf-Guns in The Office too?

So I had to use office and image editing tools on Linux today.
Holy mother fucking god are these things awful. Gimp, pinta, gnome paint, libre office, open office... they seem like a project some guy threw together a weekend in his bedroom. The UX is shite and makes 0 sense. They crash and lag all over the place. For fuck sake!
Also... Gimp, libre office and open office. If you want to make an alternative to a well known product (Photoshop and MS Office in this example) then just fucking copy the god damn UI as much as you can. No-one is going to go learn your fucking half ass product, people only use this shit because it's free and available on Linux.
I swear, I seriously considered sending the images to my phone and just fucking edit them there because it would have been so much easier than using this pile of shit.
Fuck!!!

When you turn up to work and realise you forgot your headphones so you gotta try and concentrate while overhearing every conversation in the office.

The office PCs are finally done 😌 Real beauties I think! 😊
Built 3 of them today with each the same parts:
- Ryzen 7 2700X
- Asus B450 Plus
- 16GB G.SKILL TridentZ RGB RAM
- M.2 Samsung 970 500GB SSD
- RX 570 8GB Armor Edition
- Bequiet CM 600W PSU
- NZXT H500 Case
- Riing 12 coolers

Because it seems like everyone has this kind of stuff in their office I made one too:

Story time!

Like I mentioned in a previous rant, I’m (or was) a coca-cola addict. Coca-cola has caffeine, right?

This happened a tuesday. I forgot my mug at home (I wanted to draw it a bat🦇) so I bought a jumbo coffee at a store near my office. I drank it, and then, all my partners went to the kitchen for coffee. I went with them and I refilled my cup.

I was working on my code, and suddenly I felt a strange sensation on my chest (I don’t think I could describe it, it feels like when you have intestinal problems and gases, but in the chest). I didn’t give it importance. One hour later I started trembling. I googled my symptoms and I found I had a coffee overdose 😱 But how? I drank a lot of caffeine in soda, but this only happened to me with coffee. This lasted 5 hours 😓

You, specially the most experienced devs and coffee addicts, how can I drink more than 1 cup of coffe per day without trembling? Btw, I have no heart or pressure problems, so I don’t know... this happened because I don’t drink much coffee?

#newlifenewhope -> update no. 0 / Day 0

it's about the end of Day 0, front office is taking shape. the pantry is cleaned.

can't wait to see how my repurposed bunker will look like.

Order and Shipment progress :
- My Server supposed to be arrive tommorow
- Rubber Ducks Package Delivery is accepted by courier
- 2 weeks before my Office Requirements Arrive

Further Update for my Little Office Installment will be tagged as : #newlifenewhope

Stay Tuned !

I wanna blow my office up.. To smithereens!!!

So, we have massive desks in office and there is no much space for them to fit +2 newcomers. Occasionally, my old youtube recommendation "Tetris Original Theme" started playing out loud. :)

My boss has gone for a long vacation from last week and will be back in Feb. And office feels soooo awesome and fun. No office politics, no senseless meetings. Just pure work in peace.

I wish he doesn't come back only....

I think that office belongs to a programmer.

Office desk setup.

what happens when you leave the office for more then a day.

!rant:

Today I lent a noise canceling headphone for a call at the office. After using it for the first time I see myself using it more often in our open office - even without sound on 😅

What do you guys think about noise canceling? I was blown away by it

Sitting in Office on a Saturday learning how to Code :) There is nothing like a quiet peaceful office with no other keyboards clickety clacking than your own.

That moment you go to the office thinking it's a Thursday and find out it's a Friday while signing in....! 🤠💃🏼💃🏼

Some of the guys in our team like to throw pranks once in a while. So they printed a version of my ID with Mr. Putin's face instead of mine (a decent upgrade in my opinion) and put the paper on top of my ID. I was walking with it around the office for God knows how long until I noticed.

You know what I love? When the person next to you in the office sits there loudly talking on the phone for an hour.

There's a guy who uses a small electric scooter to speed across the office. It's less than 30 meters to the other side of the office.

Guy is going to hurt someone at some point. I don't even know the guy but I can already tell he's a dick.

Went into home office today.
Forgot the laptop charger.

Half the days over and I'm at 16% battery.

Fuck.

A 27" monitor with a 1080p resolution is a match made in hell. Oh the eye bleach. (At home I got 30" with 2k or 1440p resolution. Much better viewing experience.)

I'm having my first day in the office in the new job after two week of remote work. I think I will prefer working from home office definitly (even though the office coffee machine is nice).

It doesn't help that the internet connection in the office is 100 Mbit and at home I have 1 Gbit.

my office setup for my PhD :D

Libre Office on Windows feels dirty but good, kinda like anal

Okay, so today I've taught a colleague how to use a simple office ruler to measure AWS server's CPU usage :) We needed to figure out whether CPU% spikes correlate with error message in logs an d latency spikes. Once again a ruler was the perfect tool for the job.

P.S. no, CPU% spikes did not correlate to errors in logs

Walked past one of my employees as he was talking on the phone. He says something along the lines of "oh no that was totally my fault" to which I just blurt out "haha dumbass"

And he just goes O.o and then to the phone "oh, yes, no sorry, yes that was my manager" to where someone just roars out laughing on the other line.

Him: "apparently the director of X department found it hilarious that your standard automatic response was that out of nowhere"

Before I get called an asshole or whatever, my dudes regularly leave notes on my office with messages such as "die", "eat shit" etc. Its good fun lads, don't lose yer heads over it.

hugging Microsoft with their clucking buggy software!

>> generate an xls with Apache POI
>> colour some particular cells in green, others - in red.
>> export as xls

>> open with LibreOffice Calc -- looks pretty
>> upload to Slack, open slack's generated xls preview -- looks pretty
>> open with GDocs -- looks pretty
>> open with sheet.zoho.com -- looks pretty
>> open with onlinedocumentviewer.com -- looks pretty
>> open with aspose.app -- looks pretty

>> open the xls with MS Office Excel -- more than half of the cells are unformatted, uncoloured

🔥🗑🔥

Yayy! It's already -15kg since November! W/o any workouts!!

Now I'm at the point where I'm no longer losing weight and don't get whether the fat is still burning and muscles are evening the weight or my clothes simply keep stretching out. Or I'm just seeing what I want to see

anyhow I know I wouldn't have this problem if I were one of the construction workers currently working outside my office :/ office work sounds nice but it's still got its cons. Like being tied down to a chair rather than moving all the time :/

Office humor, sorry its in dutch.

At the office, if I remember I'll also post the home setup

I'm a Linux user. I've been a Linux user for the last 14 years...

Having said that: Microsoft Office is much better than LibreOffice.

There, I said it.

For some reason, I started using Office 365 30 day trial a month ago, obviously, and yesterday, a month passed, but the product registered automatically and says it is a product officially signed with a product key.
Thanks Microsoft!
I <3 you!

(don't report this to nsa)

If you keep seeing your watch, while ignoring your laptop time display, then it's time for you to logout of office.

THIS!
Best office coffee machine, ever!

Office setup from a year ago

Quite day at the office. I recreated a button bar from our application on the wall. I'm more pleased with the result than I expected (:

I hate coming into the office! It's cold, people microwave smelly food, and I can't break up my work sessions with some gaming or anime. I wish remote work wasn't seen as such a scary thing for companies.

What I miss about not being a team lead is how I used to spend all my hours in the office coding. Just coding.

My project manager just had a project review at a bar because there was no space at the office. There are literally so many people at the office that we're out of chairs. And space. In a few days three more developers are scheduled to arrive. I don't know where we will put them.

Home office moment #349: Holding a business meeting wearing nothing but your bluetooth headset.

I started using Google Docs over the weekend working on my thesis paper for my CS degree. I've come to the conclusion that it's a suitable replacement for MS Office and my need for Microsoft's ecosystem. Don't know why I kept paying it for so long.

!rant

In the office, sometimes we order food for lunch.

Me: *goes outside the office to make the call*

*Coding partner arrives while I'm on phone*

Me: *realize that I forgot to ask him if he wanted food* Hey dude, do you want to order something?

Him: *thinks* Nah, I'm fine, I brought my own lunch

Another Guy: That's good because we already called!

Me: Yeah, but it doesn't matter, I can call and tell them "Order++"

Him: Nah dude, tell him "++order", because maybe he'll bring the orders then go back and realize that he missed one

<<<<

I don't know, it was funny for me 🤷‍♂️

Just reinstalled Windows to an SSD, so I'm reinstalling​ MS office. Office 365 is helpfully provided by my university. I also use Visio a good bit, and again my University helpfully provides Visio 2016.

Install Office 365.
Download 2.2GB Visio iso.
Mount Visio iso, run setup.exe.
Get this message.

🖕

Needs tidying and I’m not exactly using it for work at the moment... but this is my home office / bedroom setup.

There’s an Alienware Alpha hiding behind the MacBook, but it hasn’t actually been on more than once since the MacBook came home... 😂

Office Ninja!

Today, my PM dropped by in the morning and mentioned she had some customer feedback on some item in a project where I'm the holiday replacement for someone else. I already had work to do, so that kind of interruption wasn't welcome.

"Well yeah, just forward it to me, I'll see what I can do", I told her. She agreed. Half an hour later, still no email from her. Hey, that looked promising!

For the rest of the day, I didn't talk to her, avoided speaking at all when she was near and even sneaked by her room (open doors) in silent mode lest I drew her attention and she might have remembered the email.

Until afternoon when I went home, still no email. Success! :-)

They've just brought in a desk to my office. They're gonna bring another Dev in...
This guy apparently works Erlang, Ocaml, Python... I work all C# so this is bound to be fucking good! Hahaha I'm happy.

Yesterday, I came to the office a little late and found there's no coffee, so I set myself to make some. After making it, some of my coworkers told me that the boss wants us to use less coffee powder when making coffee and has gone as far as specifying the amount for a full pot. I think in the US, they drink coffee-flavored water because that's what it looks and tastes now. So I guess it's either no coffee for me or to buy my own coffee powder as my coworkers don't want to protest over this.

So I tell my coworker how ticking noises of clocks can annoy me really bad. It is an OCD thing where I will not notice a clock, then I notice the ticking and it annoys the hell out of me.

He leaves the room after a while after turning on a fucking youtube video with 11 hours of ticking clock.

I am like, "You fucker..."

Then another guy we work with comes into the office and pretends like he is wondering what the ticking noise is.

I said, "Yeah right, he sent you in here to ask about didn't he?!" He was like "maybe..."

Anyway, that must mean I am part of the team now. They are screwing with me. All in good fun.

I’m back after like one and a half year of inactivity and I have been in hell with this job but I’m absolutely unable to find one tale of hysteria to share.

Ha ha. You thought!

So, as backend developer, I’m naturally, currently working on redoing all our document templates since my boss has this impression I’m particularly good with MS Office. I don’t mind doing it for a couple of files, I have no urgent project or task atm and as we’re a small company everybody helps where it can.

But then my boss told me to change EVERY FUCKING TEMPLATE to the new branding guide.

So I did it. I wrote a monster.

An outrageous VBA Macro that sets automatically new headers, footers, margins, styles and whatever the fuck you want.

I don’t know if I have to be proud or disgusted of myself.

P.s.: missed this place

My home office in response to @localhost.

Are you guys rather work from homeoffice or do you like to go to the office?

Personally I found out that I'm almost twice as productive in homeoffice than at the office...

So it's a damn sunny Friday afternoon, perfect for a motherfucking picnic or whatever..
And I'm at the fucking office trying to solve a facebook share api related bug while some motherfuckers are having a roof party less than a block away!!

Fuck this shit, fuck you mark and fuck your devs.

Is it just me or is word processing and the entire office suite on Linux platforms absolutely horrendous ? 😫😟

RANT*1000000

Fuck you, Microsoft.

It's in the smallest details, like Office, that you just CAN'T install properly on Linux. I tried Wine, Winetricks, PlayOnLinux, went through like 10 different tutorials when I got stuck...

Even when I got Office 2013 relatively working (and then couldn't uninstall it later), the formatting got fucked all over the place. And none of the open source replacements do the proper formatting. Even OnlyOffice, that doesn't even have RTL (still!), gets it wrong.

And I know, dear Microshit, that you transferred to OOXML and many other word editors support it as well, but it still doesn't work like it should and you STILL refuse to release an Office bundle for Linux. In a world where I'm surrounded by MS users, I can't even view a word document properly, let alone edit it in a normal way.

If there's a way Microsoft can keep their clutch on the PC users, it's these small things, and for that - FUCK YOU MICROSOFT.

Food and Programmers life:
Spaghetti —> My Code
Pizza —> We are spending the night working in the office
Power Drinks —> delivery date is tomorrow morning
Candy —> extra task
Coffee —> bug massage
Water —> wash your face, we have meetings in five minutes
Truffle —> fu** BlockChain
KitKat —> upgrade your phone please
Lollipop —> one more time please
Marshmallow —> do you like some Nougat?

The Cup Saga
My cause is valiant. My warrior's hearts were true... And quite frankly we are sorry if we have offended you.

Background: been missing my favourite cup at the office. I brought said cup from home like many of the devs do, we have our preferences you know? For 3 weeks I have been drinking mediocre coffee and the endless quest for my cup perused... I couldn't find it.. It was just missing.... Where could my trusty cup have gone... Its been with me since my second job in 2014, and its gotten me through so many late nights and early mornings, the reward of the perfect ratio... Turns out... Someone took it because... Well they liked it and habe been holding on to it ever since.... Why? No one really knows.. But I have my cup... And I intend to guard it... Since unlike the other cups it cannot be left in the cupboard.. It has to be defended.... Valiantly we recovered the cup... And tirelessly we will guard it now.. Sweet cup of mine...

I suspected that our storage appliances were prematurely pulling disks out of their pools because of heavy I/O from triggered maintenance we've been asked to automate. So I built an application that pulls entries from the event consoles in each site, from queries it makes to their APIs. It then correlates various kinds of data, reformats them for general consumption, and produces a CSV.

From this point, I am completely useless. I was able to make some graphs with gnumeric, libre calc, and (after scraping out all the identifying info) Google sheets, but the sad truth is that I'm just really bad at desktop office document apps. I wound up just sending the CSV to my boss so he can make it pretty.

Raise your hand if you work in an open office landscape and fucking hate it

Whoever wrote apache poi does not seem to like Microsoft Office formats very much.

I'm not a developer by profession and my home setup is always messy (where I develop personal projects) but I am an intern sysadmin so here is my office desk :) wanted to join the whole show your desk movement

Pardon me if the tags are not right. Im fairly new and mostly a reader.

i'm literally the only one in the office today. feelsweirdman

Late update to the party, but I’m temporarily occupying the newly decorated living room while my room / office is being prepared for a swish new look.

Obligatory code included.

Who thinks that noisy mechanical keyboard is a smart idea in an open office?

I think I'll go mad by the end of the month...

Today I took an empty Whoppers carton and put Hersheys kisses in there.

The shear hate and discontent has been a great source of entertainment for me and my office mate.

One guy picked up the carton, looked inside, and threw it down on the table and stormed out. He has been telling me to f-off since then.

Why the heck is Office so incompatible with everything??? They have their own proprietary standards for Word, Powerpoint and Excel and then implement them WRONG. WTF?

And don't get me started on Outlook: MSG files are the worst horsecrap ever, why can't you use EML like a normal mail application? Not to mention the complete incompatibility with CSS in mails. Nooooo you have to design everything with tables and images like we are still in the 90s. WHAT YEAR IS IT? Everytime i have to work with this boolshit i can feel sweaty Steve Ballmer scream "DEVELOPERS!!!" right in my fuckin' face.

The real cherry on top is their permanent advertisement being shoved up your ass. The stuff is all over the place! When you register a new mail account via IMAP they open Edge and prompt you to give them your phone number so they can send you a download link to their stupid Outlook app. I could understand that if the Office suite would be free... but it isn't! I effectively pay a shitton of money to see ads.

Why is everyone still using these applications?

Why is it, that every time Microsoft updates their Office, it gets worse?

You want your “ribbon simplified?” You’ve got it, we removed all the buttons that you usually need.

You want a clearer view of items? You’ve got it, we doubled the font size and added 10cm empty spaces between emails in the list.

Wanna see how the weather in Washington? You’ve got it. We added the forecast info there automatically. We know that it’s like 20 000km away from you!

What else could we do in future to fuck up your setup more?

It's super chill in office today... making me feel super lethargic...

Today I'm picking up our new network gear for our new office. Exciting!

Yesterday was the first time I worked at the office during weekend.. Was really silent which was nice!

No offense...

But if I had a dollar for everytime, I faked a laugh in my office. I wouldn't need the job anymore.

*Surrounded by fucking dumbwits in the office*

It happens some times. not actualy their fault.

Today i reached office on almost lunch time. and i saw our new intern(3 members) team trying something on same PC, something in like css file. (Helping each eachother).

Yes i Forgot to mention that they were supposed to finish that page-task yesterday (in angular app).

When i asked them about issue.On which i got to know that they were trying to apply css on class name. But could not since Morning.And when i saw code, It was something like this....

Yes "cls_model" is css class

Monday. Missed my two alarms. Woke up on time anyways. Got to the office early to be on time. Now i am waiting all my colleagues.. idk if today everyone took a day off or i am being pranked 🤔 #hatemondays

In a recent venture, I had to use an office suite and a photo editing software regularly. As a Linux user, I tried using Libreoffice and gimp. But that was just a mess. My other project partners were using MS office. Format, image alignments, fonts.. everything was messed up. Same happened wih the gimp. I know Photoshop, learnt while studying. Gimp was just no match to that. I was forced to go back to Windows. And I was surprised that the latest MS office and Adobe Creative Cloud were excellent. MS office was smoother and faster than Libreoffice.

I love linux. I have tried all the major distros and I love all of them. But I would still say that Linux is not the best option for day to day non-dev tasks. Whatever Richard Stallman and the Open Source Community say, Linux lack good softwares, at least some good document, photo, audio and video editing softwares.

!dev.rant

So in just a matter of minutes my job security has crashed and any week could be my last again all because my jobs head office decided to change everyones positions in management...

So once again I'm back to square one in yet another useless fucking job search with barely anything to offer other than 5 years of retail experience and 3 years of IT support... Fan-fucking-tastic, would almost be more survivable to just go on centre link at this point -,-

Manager: "are you doing this obscure process that I laid out months ago with no plan or follow through?"

Me: "no, my other 3 managers said they didn't see any value in it, not sure how to keep everyone happy"

Manager: "that's not what we want! You need start doing this obscure process now!"

We have 20 engineers total in my company and I have 4 managers. Office Space was a documentary.

When they send you home because there's no Internet in the office.

I'm so done with indeed and jobstreet. I couldn't find an office job that I passionately love. Most are looking for PHP devs, ASP.NET devs, Java devs or effing fresh graduates with 5 years of experience. I guess it's time for me to learn freelancing.

!rant !dev Still funny office story

This happened last november. I decorated my desk for halloween (plastic bats, vampire stickers, more bats, a plastic raven, a little skeleton, etc). I also put a photo of Chris Pohl (vocalist from Blutengel, a electro-goth band).

I decided to remove all the decorations except for the raven and the Chris Pohl‘s photo.

One day, a partner and I were cheking out the code, and she suddenly saw that photo.

She: Oh, who is he? is he your boss?
Me: What?
S: Yes, is he your direct boss?
M: No, you‘re my boss
S: No, no, is he the vampire who you report your activities with?
M: Oh! XD No, it‘s Chris Pohl, Blutengel‘s vocalist
S: Mmm... he‘s pretty weird... his eyes...
and then, she got back to her desk.

That‘s it, continue reading rant stories 😅

P.D. What‘s the weirdest thing you have on your desk? 🤔

Visited the post office today. Who said time travel is not possible?

I am only an intern and they said I can come to the office when I want to but I still feel like its making a bad impression if I dont go during the week :/

That moment when someone asks you, if they can get a Microsoft Office license for free from you.

Admit it! We have all tried it.

Beer, pizza and FIFA in the office today :)

hey do you know if there is a JavaScript libary for naming newly created files acording to user convention? Instead of "Unamed file".
Like [DATE]_[0000]_[NAME]_[SIZE].[Filetype] --> 20210708_0001_Pictureofme_1000x1000.jpg

There is a brand new service of the swiss post office that scans all your mail. But in the app it says only "unnamed document" for each new letter.
I'd like to suggest them, that you can set up a naming convention for each new pdf to my liking.
thank you 🙂

If you could change anything about your office what would it be?

Is your office too cold? Centralized aircon and you can't control the temperature? 🙄 hard to type when it is too cold

Most of the time, I code in vim.

And when it come to "office job", I often fill the screen with that meaningless ":w", "%s", "dd", "/", etc...

Am I the only one doing this?

Each Monday, when I go to office, I die. And the next Friday, when I leave the office, I am reborn

Today is a funny Monday: all the people at office forgot their keys at home (me included, also boss included) Until we can enter the office, I'm going to code at public library. At least I'm happy to carry portable Notepad++ in my pendrive!!

New floor opened in our office building last month or so.. they are filling it and now there is lack of chairs. So we typically can pay musical chair @office. This is my wallpaper made using gimp

microsoft office on a mac:

update the updater, so you can update your office

I thought other people were weak for having to rely on coffee to be productive. God I was wrong. Now I am the worst caffeine addict in the office.

Even my office has a dark theme. Needs more LEDs.

Arg so we were acquired by a corporate company a few months back and now they have installed cameras in the office and swipe cards... No trust :/

COV-SARS-2 rant!!
I know most of us engineers/developers/etc are quite introverted people, who are happiest when we are left alone with our best friends (we all know who/what those are 👨🏼‍💻), but I miss working with colleagues in the office, and seeing some faces as well :(
Discussing plans over hangouts/slack can sometimes be cumbersome, compared to face-to-face conversations 🤷‍♂️