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My coworker left his Windows 10 system unlocked today.
Me:
1. Print screen on desktop
2. Saves the image
3. Sets image as wallpaper
4. Hides desktop icons
5. Changes taskbar alignment to the right and enables auto hide.
6. 🤣🤣🤣37 -
Yo dawg, check out my fresh pimped homeoffice!
I have been a developer since I was 13 and this is the first time ever I feel complete :) Wish all of you even a better one than mine!
84 -
Boss walked towards his office asking a coworker to do something.
Coworker replied that he'd like to but only the boss has the login codes or something like that.
Boss: ah right *walks to coworkers table* let me enter that stuff *starts typing*
Coworker: Maybe I'm running a keylogger 😏
Me: *exchanging funny eye contact with coworker* yeah maybe he is.... 😏
Boss: *looking back and forth at both our faces suspiciously*
Coworker: 😏😏😏
Me: 😏😏😏
Coworker: 😏😉
Me: 😏😆
Boss: 😐
*three of us laughing*
😆11 -
My boss just revised my report and sent it back with new file names. Memes have officially infiltrated the workplace.
10 -
one time while my colleague was away from his computer, I changed every system sound to a loud, elongated moan.4
-
I really hate it when we have to wear formal dress to office. I feel like a marketing executive. My code stares at me with suspicious looks.11
-
Me: (putting headphones on)
Boss: You are an engineer. You need to focus. You cannot multitask. Nobody can. You need to concentrate on the work and deliver. If you ...blah.blah.blah.
Me: 😃 hmm yes you are right (dying on the inside)
Boss: if you are listening songs, your attention is towards that, you learn nothing of what you are working on.
Me: 😃 True Indeed.
Inner me 👿: Motherfucker. I use headphones so I don't have to listen to you giggling about with your mates in a bragging battle, in a language I do not understand, which is noise to me.
And technically, I do not listen to songs, I listen to music, while doing repeated tasks, so that I can overcome the boredom and do it quick in a rhythm.
But you wouldn't understand now, would you, YOU OLD FART, you fuckin Remnant of the Ancient times.10 -
I've ranted so much, this is where they moved me to. They couldn't fire my because I was too valuable an asset to the project.
13 -
Is it OK to make chewing noise when eating in the office a meter away from your colleagues?
I have the answer for you my friend:
.
.
.
ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO.16 -
Well you get a pull request approved on the framework that your company is using and you take the piss out of everyone
7 -
This fucktard of a 'stick that facility management up your arse' manager.
He insisted 'no cooling required. Trust me'.
While we insisted 'how dare you to asume our servers temperatures'!
We moved our servers to a new /tmp/office/ yesterday. Was quite fun, until we saw this...
Doorhandle is hot as fuck, 50 degrees air temperature, all servers in heat error state. Thank you, you damn fucktards! Take this cactus 🌵 and stick it up your arse!!
Can't work like that.
13 -
Kind of sad but true.
1) "If you don't love your job, take a home loan".
You will start loving it.
2) Take another loan, you will start loving your boss as well.
3) Get married. You will start loving your office too.
Source: LinkedIn
But can't stop anyone from ranting. :/1 -
Never have I been so furious whilst at work as yesterday, I am still super pissed about going back today but knowing it's only for another few weeks makes it baerable.
I have been the lead developer on a project for the last 3~ months and our CTO is the product owner. So every now and then he decides to just work on a feature he is interested in- fair enough I guess. But everything I have to go and clean up his horrendous code. Everything he writes is an absolute joke, it's like he is constantly in Hackathon mode "let's just copy and paste some code here, hardcoded shit there and forgot about separation of code- it all goes in 1 file".
So yesterday he added a application to the project and instead of reusing a shared data access layer he added an entirely new ORM, which is near identical to the existing ORM in use, for this one application.
Being anal about these things, the first thing I did was delete his shit and simply reference the shared library then refactor a little code to make it compatible.
WELL!! I certainly hit a nerve, he went crazy spamming messages on Slack demanding I revert as it broke ONE SINGLE QUERY that he hadn't checked in (he does 1 huge commit for 10 of everyone else's). I stuck to my principals and explained both ORM's are similar and that we only needed one, the second would cause a fragmented codebase for no benefit whatsoever.
The lead Dev was then forced to come and convince me to revert, again I refused and called out the shit quality of their code. The battle raged on via the public slack group and I could hear colleagues enjoying the heated debate, new users even started joining the group just to get in on mine and the cto's difference of opinion.
I even offered to fix his code for him if he were to commit it, obviously that was not taken well ;).
Once I finally got a luck at the cluster fuck of shit he had written it took me around 5 minutes to fix and I ever improved performance. Regardless he was having none of it. Still the demands to revert continued.
I left the office steaming after long discussions with the lead Dev caught in the middle.
Fortunately my day was salvages with a positive technical discussion that evening at a company with whome I had a job offer from.
I really hate burning bridges and have never left a company under bad terms but this dictator is making me look forward to breaking the news today I will be gone in 4 weeks.4 -
When you're the only one in the company that starts early and you have to wait 2 hours until you can actually talk to someone... :(16
-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*sigh*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I started this 2 hours ago. Last time I checked, that wasn't a moment.
8 -
My morning (RO = remote office):
Me: Your xxx implementation is very strange.
RO: Yes we are following a new example from experts in this field. See this link.
Me: Paragraph 1, use xxx class in these situations. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes we had problems with that, we decided to skip that.
Me: Paragraph 2, always use xxx when accessing data. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes that create many bugs, we skipped that.
Me: This section on debugging says to enable this flag while in development to allow the IDE to alert you to issues.
RO: Yes this causes the app to crash constantly. So we took it out.
Me: ... because its finding issues ... and telling you where the problem is, with an error message.
... your not following the experts at all.
RO: We are!, please read the link we provided.
... this will be discussed on my exit interview6 -
Just moved into our new house today and my wife gave me an early Christmas present. Really just completes my new office. This beautiful lamp is touch activated on each individual light and each light is individually dimmable by touch as well. 😍 had to share
13 -
I sit near a Spanish guy who talks to himself under his breath when writing code, I think its mostly swearing. You would think this would be annoying but I have grown fond of it as he sounds like a ninja, and its most entertaining to sit back and listen some times.5
-
I HATE working with MS Office products. Yes, Access, I'm looking at you, you backwards, whanabe database reject! You're invalid as a serious SQL database and retarded as an data application suite.
VBA, make up your MIND with your damn function calls! Either require me to use parenthesis or don't! I'm sick of this conditional parenthesis sh*t!
While we're talking about not making up your mind... screw 'sub', you half wit language! Either use functions like a real language or go the f&$k home and make room for a language that knows what it's doing!
Oh!!! WHY... WHY! do you have null AND... NOTHING?! Who... Who... WHO invented "nothing"?! And what sick joke are you playing at with isnull() and empty()??? How many damn ways so you need to test for "no value"?!?!
Access... That's right, I'm not done with you yet... How is it you've survived this damn long in the business world with all of the databases you corrupt? Sure, you suck as a real database, but at least have some freaking pride that people even USE you! How DARE your corrupt yourself with the regularity you seem to have! I wish my bowel movements were as regular as your database corruptions, for the love of humanity.
F$@k you, VBA! F@&k you, Access! F$#k you, MS Office! And Fuuuuuu$k YOU Microsoft for shoving these half assed reject tools down my throat!
I hope your cloud uses Access as a back end and gets some injection virus.
*Takes deep breath* need to say that.11 -
Since 4 weeks i have during work my noise cancelling headphones on, thanks to the new open space office.
I don't even hear my phone ringing 😂
1 -
Almost ever day I am the first one at office in the early morning. Other devs arrive at least one or two hours later. I don't mind. I just want to have a bit of sun left, when I go.
But why the heck...everytime I go, one of those other fucktards (which I normally really like), mumbles something like "you go this early today?"
Yes I do you dipshit!! You could arrive earlier, too!
And then, those late birds get credit for staying longest!!!
I mean, sure... If you start to work at 11pm, you have to stay long...
Meeeeh9 -
That moment when you walk into the office on your first day, while setting up your desk they ask you which mouse you would like to use, and you respond "oh no thank you I prefer my trackpad" and the whole office stops what their doing and gives you that look...14
-
Walk into work.
Sit at desk.
Open Outlook.
*Sees 3 meeting invites for today*
...This is why I drink...4 -
Finally got myself setup in my new office today, before there was three of us cramped into a tiny 3mx4m office, now only two of us in a much larger office.
6 -
It was friday evening and almost everyone in office had left. I was assigned a bug related to some of my code changes. I called my senior to help me debug (has three years of experience, whereas me having only one year exp, who is also a very good friend of mine *always helps in debugging*).
So the code goes
switch (someEnum) {
case One:
doSomething()
// no break
case Two:
t.x = someEnum
break
case Three:
.....
}
I had recently added new enun One and was reciting the code logic to him as we were looking through code.
Him: Hey you haven't set t.x in case One. How did you miss that?
Me: No look, I haven't but a break on it. It will go ahead and set it in next case.
Him: What are you talking about? if the someEnun is One why would it execute Two case. Lets copy that line up there and try it locally.
Me: No no no wait. Are you saying that groovy doesn't need breaks in switch (Me being new to groovy but good with Java).
Him: Why would you need break in switch case even in Java?
Me: *stares at him*
Him: I'm going to execute a psvm right freaking now.
Me: *while he writes the psvm* Why did you think there were breaks in switch in any code?
Him: Shut up. *writes psvm code cursing me everywhere*
*executes code*
No way. Really??
Me: Tell me why do you think are there breaks in switch.
Him: I though they were to get you out of switch block and not execute the default block.
Me: So were you coding switch until now without breaks?
Him: I don't know man. I'm starting to doubt all the switches I have ever written.
Me: Anyway that's not the problem, so moving on.
*a while later*
Him: If a interviewer would ask me how would you rate yourself in Java. I would be like "Well I worked on various projects for 3 years in Java, but didnt know why we put breaks in switch. So you figure it out yourself."
One of the best moments in office.8 -
Day 1: Client requested this change! Please do it!
[Make the change]
Day 2: Hold on, this is a new request and out of scope. we should reject this change.
[Rollback change]
Day 3: Client said they really need it. Please make the change.
[rollmyeyes]2 -
What do Developers at Office do when the internet is down ?
(at mine, we play the dinosaurs game and compete for the highest score.)16 -
Colleagues talking among themselves about gods, form of higher power, etc.
Colleague 1: *to colleague 2* So you believe in superhumans?
Colleague 2: I believe in God.
Colleague 1: *to me* What about you?
Me: Yeah. Superhumans exist. I have to deal with them everyday. Because stupidity levels that high aren't practically possible in normal humans.2 -
my desk neighbour started an online meeting, with her headset on. but she didn't realise that all the sound came from speakers. meeting lasted several hours.
5 -
People were posting their programming companions. This one kept me amused through my early days with a computer. Who else remembers?
6 -
That feeling of accomplishment when your code runs and you are the only person who knows that you copied the main parts from Stackoverflow.
-
Past few weeks, I have started to work late night and sleep whole day. I go to office at around 7pm and returns back next day 8-9am. I found it super productive.
But, my manager wasn't happy about it and now, she shifted daily scrum at 1 PM and emailed me to make sure I attend it daily.
Now, I have to fix my sleeping cycle... Nights are so great to work. Silent and nobody around.
Now, from tomorrow, I got a new challenge everyday to make it to scrum daily.6 -
My friend told me stories about his colleague who's always against him.
One time, during their management meeting, that colleague suggested that they should have a suggestion box in the office.
So my friend proposed that they use Google forms. He presented how Google forms work and the majority got really impressed(except the colleague).
Naturally the colleague is against him, he said "this is not what I had in mind". He wanted to have an actual box and people write suggestions on paper and drop it in(suggesting the ancient way).
Every meeting, the colleague complains a lot, and my friend provides techy and convenient solutions.8 -
Office survival tip #1: When in a new office with no kitchen, heat your food with the office heater.
How @JacoKotze and I are heating our food in our new office (no kitchen equipment or microwave yet)
5 -
For those that don't know I switched companies about a month ago. It is really nice and somewhat stress free. I still work from home, which I have decided best suits me and would never give up at this point. I mean who likes taking showers daily or even get out of the pajamas...ever....I now go to Walmart in my pajamas...
My boss is flying in from Montreal this week to discuss with me a few big projects coming up, and I have to go in to the office for the week to meet with him.
I am really dreading this.5 -
Not sure if this qualifies for a rant or not, but it's free entertainment.
I promise it's good.
Get your snacks and buckle up. My cat said it's a solid 5/7, so that's something.
🍿🍕☕
So, someone from my team (one of the higher ups, let's call him Mr.Z) got fired yesterday because he said the wrong thing to the wrong person (Let's call him Mr A) 3 months ago.
Apparently, he went over his boss's head (let's call him B) and asked for a promotion and said that 'B' isn't fit for his position and that he should have that job.
What he didn't count on was the fact that A and B are kinda tight (I think the fact that they are both from the same ivy league school also plays into this. I'm not gonna say which school, but it's one out of Harvard and Stanford) So, A got B's back and he told B that one of his minions is getting out of line... and he should clean his house.... and clean his house he did. Plotted and planned for 3 months and executed yesterday.
Z was kind of a douche but I feel really sorry for him though. He just bought a $1,000,000 house recently and now he's out of work. Poor guy.
I hope he finds something soon.
He tried to steal some of my work too. Lol.
(I did write about this in one of my earlier rants I think. About people taking credit behind closed doors)
And this was also used as one of the reasons to fire him among other things.
I knew that he would try to steal it but I didn't say anything because I didn't care.
Hell, I even sat him down and explained it to him line for line when he asked me how it worked. I knew it right then that he's gonna explain it to the board of his superiors like it was his own code. But I still made sure I explained it to him really well, so that he could replicate the explanation if needed.
I was playing it strategically. The way I saw it was, that piece of code didn't really matter to me much, because it couldn't be used to file a patent or something but if he can show it off as his own, he would make some of his superiors happy.
They're happy == he's happy.
And that makes my life a little easier because now he'd be willing to help me out with something in the future or maybe overlook some minor stuff if I ever make a mistake in my work...
It's always good to have something in your back pocket for a rainy day.
It's life...you never know when you're gonna need a favor.
All I gotta say is, Fucking office politics is crazy.
Don't gamble a hand when you don't know what your opponent is holding.
Z gambled and lost. Could have gone the other way, but the chances were very slim.7 -
two days before I complained of lower back pain. raised a concern in office as its due to long sitting hours and got a chair today with great lumbar support. :)3
-
!rant && !!rant
☝️ What does that give you?
Today will be the last day we gonna work at this fucking hellhole of an office. Since I had so many shits to remember from this office, let me share my favorite.
1) Ground floor. Got flooded last July. Half our equipments got soaked. Oh equipments as in computers, cables, reports documents, etc etc.
2) I am gonna miss those connection down days.
3) I will also miss those black out days where we couldn't work for hours so had to play teamwork games to keep the morale of the team and you know to stay awake.
4) I will also miss that fucking mouse or rat. You are small and cute but fuck you for chewing my potato chips and peanuts. A-hole.
5) No windows so with no air-conditioning, it is a literal hell hole.
Gotta stop. I might cry.17 -
Not actually a rant, but need some place to vent it out.
The company where I work develops embedded devices enabling the automobiles to connect to the internet and provide various end user infotainment services. My job mostly relates to how and when we update the devices.
There are about 100 different
variants of the same device, each one different from the other in a way that the process required to update for each of these device variants is significantly Different. Doing this manually would be and actually was a nightmare for almost everyone, so I set out on writing a tool that addresses this issue.
I designed my solution mostly in Python, allowing me for quick prototyping. First of all, I'd never written a single line of python code in my life. So I learn python, in matter of 2 nights. I took days off from work so I could work on this problem I had in my head. And in about 4 days, I was up with a solution that worked, reliably. I prepared a complete framework, completely extendable, in order to have room for 101th variant that might come in at any time. And then to make it easier and a no Brainer for everyone, the software is able to automatically download nightly builds and update the test devices with nothing more than a double click.
But apparently this wasn't enough. Today I found out that someone worked on a different solution in the background just a week ago, while reusing most part of my code. And now they start advertising their solution over mine, telling everyone how crappy my code is. Seriously, for fucks sake, my code has been running without issues since more than a year now. To make it worse, my manager seems to take sides with the other guy. I mean I don't even have someone to explain the situation to.
I really feel betrayed and backstabbed today. I worked my days, my nights, my vacations on this code. I put blood, sweat and tears into this. I push my self over my limits, and when that was not enough, I pushed my self even harder. But it all seems in vain today. All the hours that I spent, just to make it easier for everyone... All a complete waste. When you write code with such passion, your code is like your family... You want to protect it... But with all this office politics and shit, I seem to be losing my grip.
I've been contemplating the entire night, where I might have gone wrong, what could I've done to deserve this...but to no avail. I'm having troubles sleeping, and I'm not sure what I should do next.
Despair, sheer bloody Despair!9 -
So I had to use office and image editing tools on Linux today.
Holy mother fucking god are these things awful. Gimp, pinta, gnome paint, libre office, open office... they seem like a project some guy threw together a weekend in his bedroom. The UX is shite and makes 0 sense. They crash and lag all over the place. For fuck sake!
Also... Gimp, libre office and open office. If you want to make an alternative to a well known product (Photoshop and MS Office in this example) then just fucking copy the god damn UI as much as you can. No-one is going to go learn your fucking half ass product, people only use this shit because it's free and available on Linux.
I swear, I seriously considered sending the images to my phone and just fucking edit them there because it would have been so much easier than using this pile of shit.
Fuck!!!31 -
Who invented the open space office layout? If you're as unlucky as me, you end up sitting next to the protein junkie who pops open a tin of tuna mixed with some other shit that's there just because it smells horrible almost hourly, or you end up next to the PM whose desk is gossip central and by the end of the day you know "Sheila" is sleeping with her brother in law, and "Steve" has a tiny weiner.6
-
My boss has gone for a long vacation from last week and will be back in Feb. And office feels soooo awesome and fun. No office politics, no senseless meetings. Just pure work in peace.
I wish he doesn't come back only....3 -
When you don't want to explain what you've done with application's code base so you play the "algorithm" card.
Boss: tell me about the new release.
Me: updated the search algorithms boss.
Boss: cool. Release!
Me: 😎 -
When you turn up to work and realise you forgot your headphones so you gotta try and concentrate while overhearing every conversation in the office.4
-
We have a new lady in HR and boy is she noisy. She just can't seem to keep her mouth shut for even 2 seconds. She has opionions for everything, even dev related conversations.3
-
!rant:
Today I lent a noise canceling headphone for a call at the office. After using it for the first time I see myself using it more often in our open office - even without sound on 😅
What do you guys think about noise canceling? I was blown away by it4 -
So we have a bug.
Yesterday I spend the morning sorting through other people's code to find out what is causing this bug report it to team leader once I find it. He asks me find out who made it and hunt them down! So git blame... Turns out it was him :S felt awkward mentioning it to him so didn't. 5 minutes later team leader "oh it was me"1 -
Sitting in Office on a Saturday learning how to Code :) There is nothing like a quiet peaceful office with no other keyboards clickety clacking than your own.4
-
Boss: "wow how it happened it's already November? Well, here is this project that we supposed to end on October that I didn't mentioned yet, sorry I was sure last month was September. Don't make any plans for next few weekends, ok?"6
-
That moment you go to the office thinking it's a Thursday and find out it's a Friday while signing in....! 🤠💃🏼💃🏼2
-
Some of the guys in our team like to throw pranks once in a while. So they printed a version of my ID with Mr. Putin's face instead of mine (a decent upgrade in my opinion) and put the paper on top of my ID. I was walking with it around the office for God knows how long until I noticed.
2 -
!Rant
How do you deal with open space offices?
I find it quite difficult to focus, the constant chatting, the constant questions, phone ringing, surprise meeting, more question, arrays of interruptions and questions again. I believe I would be a lot more productive if left alone in the total, undiscontinued silence.
Have you found your escape, your zen, your inner focus? Please share, I need some ideas17 -
I don't want to go back homw...
(P.S. - This is India, and average internet connection is about 1/100th of this speed)
15 -
You know what I love? When the person next to you in the office sits there loudly talking on the phone for an hour.
2 -
Please, oh please, tell me there's an exception for murdering people using their phone in speaker mode right in the middle of an open space.
Please ... I feel like it should count as public service and be rewarded ..
I'm trying to work here, it don't give the slightest flying fuck about the latest crap you dare to call code and how it fucked up your whole application.5 -
My coworker complains how the girl who got his old job keeps phoning him asking for help. He stops talking about it only to ask for my help1
-
In my office there's a dev who regularly takes figurative shits on other devs — stuff like publicly shaming others for their mistakes, or dropping a conceited "I told you so" whenever his solution turned out to be the right one.
He's a young guy, still has lots to learn about office etiquette, and I know he usually means well (he privately apologized to me once after I told him to fuck off), but I'm not sure he knows of the effect it's having on the other devs he talks down to.
I like him enough that I don't want to go to HR about it, but I don't know how to approach the situation in a one-on-one level with this guy. I do know that something needs to happen, but I'm not sure how I can help the situation.
For now, he shuts up when I point out his flaws in logic and reveal that he's still got lots to learn about his demeanor.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯12 -
Colleagues improvising themselves "Evangelists of everything" but continuously asking me how to do things.
Now you can go ask there.
1 -
I wish I could just disappear into a black hole when everyone around me is talking so that I can peacefully code :(3
-
Just reinstalled Windows to an SSD, so I'm reinstalling MS office. Office 365 is helpfully provided by my university. I also use Visio a good bit, and again my University helpfully provides Visio 2016.
Install Office 365.
Download 2.2GB Visio iso.
Mount Visio iso, run setup.exe.
Get this message.
🖕
12 -
Me: "why are you doing this with PowerPoint?"
colleague: "because i'm going to print it"
I left the room
-
Not a dev related rant but more of a workplace rant.
I work in a business center with around 30 small offices. We share the common areas like kitchen, meeting rooms and bathroom.
Today, the cleaning lady told me to use the bathroom on the other side of the workplace because she spread bleach all over the men's restrooms floor.
The reason? Someone peed completely outside the toilet. I understand men can miss a couple of drops but a complete load? It's not the first time it has happened but I can only think he enjoys doing it.
I wish I had my own bathroom...1 -
There are two types of people: Doers, and Talkers.
It really annoys me when talkers (who do nothing) ask me to stop doing things because it makes their lack of productivity look bad.
So sorry sweetheart, if you want to look better, just start doing work yourself and then you don't have to worry about my work making you look bad.4 -
They've just brought in a desk to my office. They're gonna bring another Dev in...
This guy apparently works Erlang, Ocaml, Python... I work all C# so this is bound to be fucking good! Hahaha I'm happy.
4 -
Shout out to all the Indian Devs who are stuck in their corporate jobs, AC and drinking water are the only two things that are free in office, always dreaming of getting a job in Silicon Valley which unfortunately seems almost impossible, and lastly as they silently suffer at hands of their managers who know nothing more than entering numbers in an excel sheet.8
-
I'm a Linux user. I've been a Linux user for the last 14 years...
Having said that: Microsoft Office is much better than LibreOffice.
There, I said it.8 -
Fuck man. I've grown to like the whole home office thing so much, that I already dread going on-site 2x/week... What have I become? 😱8
-
Quite day at the office. I recreated a button bar from our application on the wall. I'm more pleased with the result than I expected (:
3 -
Are you guys rather work from homeoffice or do you like to go to the office?
Personally I found out that I'm almost twice as productive in homeoffice than at the office...11 -
So it's a damn sunny Friday afternoon, perfect for a motherfucking picnic or whatever..
And I'm at the fucking office trying to solve a facebook share api related bug while some motherfuckers are having a roof party less than a block away!!
Fuck this shit, fuck you mark and fuck your devs.3 -
!rant
In the office, sometimes we order food for lunch.
Me: *goes outside the office to make the call*
*Coding partner arrives while I'm on phone*
Me: *realize that I forgot to ask him if he wanted food* Hey dude, do you want to order something?
Him: *thinks* Nah, I'm fine, I brought my own lunch
Another Guy: That's good because we already called!
Me: Yeah, but it doesn't matter, I can call and tell them "Order++"
Him: Nah dude, tell him "++order", because maybe he'll bring the orders then go back and realize that he missed one
<<<<
I don't know, it was funny for me 🤷♂️1 -
I work from home but haven't been able to because of my wife and kid. So I started going to a co-working space. Found that it's just as distracting as home was. So I got my own personal office and holy crap has this last week been a productive week.1
-
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live5
-
So it was the last hour on Friday evening right before closing. I was sitting in the office playing this new GTA game on PC. A new colleague (older 50+ senior female assistant of my boss) came by to say nice weekend and she saw my screen and asked what is that. So I told her it is called GTA and I use that software to analyze customer behavior. She was like "nice try dude, so why is that guy carrying a shotgun, you must have upset him dude"
-
I was just so inspired that I already had a colleague I can talk to for the second year of existence in our company, then little did I know that one of senior was sneakingly making a move until our ceo talked that maybe we had a romance and he had a fiance.
I can't even taste myself on it. Gross. -
HAPPENING LIVE:
Tech: Is that you in the avatar?
Me: Yeah, I'm a motherfucking vector, motherfucker.1 -
Here you can see our employer trying their best to throw productivity of the devs down the drain.
.
.
.
.
10/10 it's working 🙃
4 -
One of my colleague is undergoing a sex change.
All fine with me before he started singing queen using a scary high pitched voice all day long..
I tried talking to him about it and discovered the full signification of the drama queen expression.
AND I THOUGHT MY SISTER WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS BACK THEN6 -
After you brainstorm on a white board, take a photo, and clean up after yourself.
Coworkers were complaining about dried white board marker.
I told them to use the hand sanitizer from the bathroom, it will clean off all marks.
Now you know too.2 -
Had annual appraisal meeting today. Been in this company for 2yrs now, after being hired outta college. It happens first after 2 years, then yearly.
I have long since known that my boss is a scumbag. My lucky college mates got assigned to great managers, leaders I must say, while I got the typical, know it all boss.
Now this racist, motherfucker, for reasons unknown to me, has mostly disliked me. But hey, the feelings mutual but I don't ever go busting his ass.
Previous employees eventually transferred locations or departments. But I stuck coz I respected some colleagues and learnt a lot from them.
Now this nutjob gave me a 2/5 rating. Says I need to improve my communication. I need to talk more. WTF you goatfucking cunt! I decide how much I wanna talk. I don't waste my time, and even if I did, I don't have any right to waste someone elses time. And talking about communication skills - BITCH! Everytime you speak something, I need like 2 mins to compile your jumbled fucking words in my mind to be able to comprehend what it is you wanted to convey. And you cunt! YOU are going to tell me I need to improve my communication. Dumbfuck I ain't no Shakespeare, but I can convey my message through.
Fucking peasant!
Hmm. The lemon tea sure is good today.5 -
colleague 1 : hii,we need to talk.
Me: okay,what?
colleague 1 : we have issues with you.
Me : post on GitHub bro..!2 -
Today I don't have much of work. Should I :
1. Start reading about Machine Learning
2. Read and understand Rust( is it being used actively and does it have scope? )
3. Check out some new imnew-tryme.js framework.
4. Crib about my ex dating someone else.6 -
Office prank of the day, bunch of arrogant computer scientists that I have to work with was supposed give a presentation about their algorithm; since I despise them I changed their entire printed materials (diagrams and so on) to comic sans. Our boss is an obsessive designer. Watching him cringe was the happiest I have been in weeks.1
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Tried pomedoro technique copule of time found that this doesn't work for mE. The only things worked is
1) do 4 hours straight
2) take 1 hour break
3) do another 4 hour straight
works much wetter3 -
I hate working in silence so I always have Netflix in the background. My boss doesn't mind. Anyone else does this?5
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Who thinks that noisy mechanical keyboard is a smart idea in an open office?
I think I'll go mad by the end of the month...14 -
I am only an intern and they said I can come to the office when I want to but I still feel like its making a bad impression if I dont go during the week :/5
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The feeling when you're in the zone for some important tasks and your coworkers just come and seat besides your table, start bullshitting each other with their flights delay stories. I wish there is a dismiss button for this kind of occasions.2
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That moment when someone asks you, if they can get a Microsoft Office license for free from you.
Admit it! We have all tried it.4 -
So some people will be happy, but LibreOffice 6 will introduce a MS Office 2007-like ribbon thing.
It's optional for people who prefer the old version, but it may bring more people into LO. That's cool.
source: https://wiki.documentfoundation.org/...2 -
How to troll your coworkers at the office - http://fakeupdate.net
If your coworker forgot to log off their system, you can prank them with fake update screen. Also has the option of BSoD *maniacal evil laugh*6 -
!dev.rant
So in just a matter of minutes my job security has crashed and any week could be my last again all because my jobs head office decided to change everyones positions in management...
So once again I'm back to square one in yet another useless fucking job search with barely anything to offer other than 5 years of retail experience and 3 years of IT support... Fan-fucking-tastic, would almost be more survivable to just go on centre link at this point -,- -
After a few months on Linux Mint, I’m now back on Windows 10 (Sorry @Linuxxx). I really did love Linux Mint, but there were simply some things that made me turn back.
- Visual Studio and C#: I work as a IT Manager and not in programming, but I do enjoy to code in my spare time. I tried to switch to Python and Django on Linux, but I must admit that I simply like Visual Studio and C# too much. Also, with a 7 months old son, there is no time to learn a new language.
- Microsoft Office. There is simply no rival. Love it.
- Games (don’t have much time for games these days, but it annoyed me that a needed to boot into Windows when I needed to play games)
- My Garmin GPS sync tool only works on Windows :/
There are still several things I don’t like about Windows 10. I don’t like the “new” interface (compared to Windows 7) and the way they are taking this “flat” design. Also, what is up with the fucking tracking? In any case, that is the price I will have to live with for now. I might turn back one day, but for now it is Windows 10.5 -
Setting up a laptop for the next employee. Office 365 has taken over two hours to install in what it states as "just a moment."
OpenOffice for life.
6 -
Yesterday was the first time I worked at the office during weekend.. Was really silent which was nice!2
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First day back at the office...
Now I remember why I hated it so much.
The level of incompetence is astounding, people flail their arms and hope I manage to whiz up a fix, even for things that I've never touched before.
At least I have a hot cuppa and quora to relieve my stress 🤙
(let's see if I can get the doctor to write me a note because fuck this back pain)13 -
Ahhh, office dictatorship. I love the passive-aggressive emails informing us how we are to use office space, what work may be done on office computers, when and how long our lunch breaks may be, what personal items we may have at our desks, and reminding us how utterly inflexible our schedules are.
Anybody hiring web developers? -
When your network admin doesnt realize you are a developer and get paid to fix problems. Tries to change your background to Justin(e) Bieber with group policies and you overwrite them in the registry. Now to plot revenge...3
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I thought other people were weak for having to rely on coffee to be productive. God I was wrong. Now I am the worst caffeine addict in the office.2
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When the colleague that you're arguing with on a slack channel is an administrator. He has the power to delete anything you post that makes him look like a dick.
I will not submit to this reign of tyranny!3 -
@localhost long weekend are for feature development...1 week from launch...in your in laws bonus room.
6 -
Most of the time, I code in vim.
And when it come to "office job", I often fill the screen with that meaningless ":w", "%s", "dd", "/", etc...
Am I the only one doing this?4 -
Open-plan offices are amazing. Fuck you developer who sometimes really needs some quiet time to be able to THINK.
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I'm so done with indeed and jobstreet. I couldn't find an office job that I passionately love. Most are looking for PHP devs, ASP.NET devs, Java devs or effing fresh graduates with 5 years of experience. I guess it's time for me to learn freelancing.1
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I have two managers outside of the bathroom having an impromptu meeting while I'm blowing it up.
...this is what causes psychological complexes.2 -
Hey DevRant, I'd like you to meet "Marketing Brandon", his favorite daily activities include:
- asking me when that landing page is going to be ready
- asking how to support a customer on live chat even though he chose to assign the ticket to himself in the first place
- explaining how important social media is
- telling me he's working as fast as he can on some website copy I need and then sitting and composing tweets for 40 minutes
- asking if I can "just real quickly when I get the chance" implement a huge new feature for our users
- announcing to the entire office that he "has to leave early today" because the pet store closes at 5 and his ferret ran out of food yesterday
-.-
Does your office have a Marketing Brandon or similar?
3 -
Due to resource scarcity, my manager Bob had lent me to other manager John. I started working on John's project and now there is a hardcore dependency on me, as I have done good enough work on it. I was also taking some small work items from Bob parallely so I can be up-to-date with my own team, Later Bob calls me and says he wants me back, since my own team has lot of pending tasks. John's project is still unfinished and will take longer then ever. So far, I am dividing my time between the two teams.
My concern is if I pass on John's project, will I even get recognized for it and since John will have no one concrete to work on his project, he will later keep bugging me for help.
And I feel like I don't belong to either of the teams (I am like a step son to both my parents) 😔2 -
so when someone in the office finds a funny design or absurd code on our sites we play a game we named roulette: we check the versioning system and find who did it... there is no price in this game, that shame is enough :)3
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Visited a friend at their new workplace. Awesome office, really cool interior, nice people, devs are working on cool projects. Started to feel pretty envious.
Then we felt a rumble. Well, it was more like a rrrrruummbbble. Turns out they are located right next to a train track and the whole building shakes a bit when a heavy freight train goes by.
Guess who isn't envious anymore.1 -
I was given two lists of values in an excel spreadsheet and I needed to compare/find duplicates. I wrote some JavaScript to handle it. I don't know how to use fucking Excel.
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Holy fucking shit are email clients bullshit.
I don't know what happened there but if you thought the chrome-firefox-ie-egde gaps back in the days were sick - let me tell you.. email clients are made by the devil himself. All of them. All of them? Yup. Because he made some of them being owned by apple, working beatuiful and no weird stuff.
But on the same end he made some of them owned by microsoft and their office Studios. They use the word engine to render html emails. Read this again. Read it without starting to cry in agony.
But thats not enough. Let's make some of them use an ie-engine and the mac os variants going to use some webkit based renderer. This way there will be no valid ruleset to make it look good on all of them, isn't this great??
Now this might be hell already. But lets pour more salt into these wide opened wounds.
Let there be Germany and United Internet, owning trash like Web.de and GMX, whose android clients going to work completely different across Android and app-versions!
Once you've mastered these, let me introduce you to gmail. Lets take only the body node of your email and do some fuck up with it, so you have to display a non-responsive variant on mobile.
Now you might be thinking "but there are web-based clients, they'll do good ain't they?" Long story short: fuck you.
Not enough.
Let's go back to ms.
Hey dude lets make it possible to scale up your whole system. So old people can read shit better. And now the funny part: let's make it so that the word rendering engine, rendering emails goes completely mayhem on your mail, so it looks like a completely different thing! (:
If you ever receive a newsletter in your inbox and that shit looks like it's planned to look like.. appreciate that shit. Sacrifice a virgin as thanksgiving for it.
TL;DR:
E-Mail needs to die. I'm doing this for over 2 years now and this shit needs to stop asap.4 -
Me: I tried to catch this bug for two days
Other: Let me show
5 seconds later...
Other: Oh, you just used the wrong string type
Me: ... -
How MS Office came about:
In the office suite I think the top guys stayed for Excel. These guys, are so good. They build Access. But it was always after 6pm on saturdays.
The "I know stuff, and I'll figure things along the way" guys stayed with Word. And in their part time, developed Powerpoit.
Excel guys were so great, they also developed the WordArt and later the SmartArt for Word and Powerpoint!
Thats why we still have that awefull blue and red-wine colours as default...2 -
all those muggles making presentations in power point pff - at least use libre office...
But I use a web page as presentation 😎3 -
One of my colleagues is ex-military.
As much as I respect these guys for their service, I have never experienced so much stubborn insubordination in my entire career.
Anybody else deal with these types?3 -
Last rant update:
I won't have to take a leave after all and won't have to force myself to a wasted day full of useless awkward interactions or roaming around in a park.
Phew! -
"F*ck Microsoft!" **posts online using Windows**
Well thanks to them, I was able to finish my f*cking project in college using Microsoft Office.8 -
Work office, using xencenter for viewing xenserver server, tailing some logs and manjaro (arch linux) for bash stuff, and a coffee for good habits hahaha
5 -
SOOO last monday I got a new MS Office and Outlook in my office. It's ugly as fuck and not as functionable as the old one we got here, and I cannot install Thunderbird or so...
But at least NIGHT THEME WUUUU
-
Passive aggressive coworkers that have problems with each others work but instead of working out problems together they just complain about each other to me and try to drag me into it. What makes people think I want to play office politic games with them? I'm just there to code!1
-
Q - What is more frustrating than the code that won't compile?
A - Boss who is constantly asking you to compile this code.
- as quoted by @GoDmode1 -
Arg so we were acquired by a corporate company a few months back and now they have installed cameras in the office and swipe cards... No trust :/1
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So it's Friday and keep in mind this is an open plan office and on fridays the office supplies unlimited beer on company time. Someone bought a pile of new rubber ducks for the office. Little did he know that when you squeeze them they squeak... I'm sure you can imagine the scene, very little work was done.1
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Company mail today:
If only I got paid to point out the ironies, I would live well, very well indeed!
-
Working from home working on the company project. The working time ends and i just switch projects for the next 6-7 hours... and i am happy with this1
-
So yes, Microsoft is scanning my emails for keywords. I tried to send an email using the word PFA and did not attach any file. It gives a pop up to attach one.
3 -
I am working more effectively nowadays from home rather than from office.
At office, I end up spending most time in eating, playing table tennis and meetings.
The only thing I am missing at my house is my 2 big 27" 4k office monitors. -
that Moment when u programming with headphones and listening to sweet sounds of Metal-/Hardcore... and your neighbours just WTF1
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My ANC headphones have clearly lost most of their noise cancelling effect, and now I can hear all the talk in the room and can't focus on any work. Makes me want to yell, SHUT UP EVERYONE! This sucks :(11
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My colleague is having fever with reactjs and tools. Why the hell a 5 pages static cooperate website of our own need to use webpack?! How often we need to update the site? And today he spent whole day configure his gulp and deployment automation. If I were him, I would have finish the task with bootstrap, jquery and filezilla.3
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Argument in the office today when the designers went rogue, ignoring the PM's agreed plan with the client and started mock-ups for what they thought would look better. Boiled down to "No. Just stop that and do what I asked, you're wasting your time." vs "No, we're doing this. I'm a designer, I know this will look better."
Anyone else had issues with designers trying to take charge?5 -
Any Ideas for pimpin' our Office?
My collegue and me are looking for some cool Stuff to "developify" our room. Currently we have only a Poster with "Hello World" in several Programming Languages11 -
When your peers lack the technical depth to promote their ideas, you bet they're honing their social skills in those confidential 1-on-1s.
-
!rant
Who here uses mechanical keyboards at work?
I have an old razor at home with Cherry MX Blue switches, very noisy so definitly not suited when around co-workers.
Any recomendations on silent boards suitable for office life? I've looked at the Logitech g413 with romer-g switches but I am unsure if these are pleasant to work with.
I am also considering POK3R, Ducky One or WASD with Cherry MX Brown switches specifically for office. Would like to hear experiences from fellow devs who prefer mechanical keyboards and use them around co-workers.4 -
CEO of my company often walks in our office with a joke: "I can't hear you do bit & byte".
I still don't catch it. -
Just fired up my Windows 10 VM and it goes ham... there is nothing installed but office.
Why!?
Seriously. If someone can explain to me why this is necessary, I'd greatly appreciate it!
It's 15 minutes past when I've resumed the VM from suspension now and it's still going on like that and it's slow as fuck.
I don't want this to escalate to an OS war. Tastes are different.
As I was writing this: apparently Office is updating itself by default consuming a shitload of system resources while doing so. This is fucked up...
4 -
It's the time of the year when we waste some days playing PS at the office and repeat to ourselves:
- no one cares, it's almost Christmas!
I have a feeling that after December clients will come looking for blood, and we will work 20 hours a day...
But...
Who cares? It's almost Christmas! -
Dear colleagues, could you please recommend your preferred HTML to DOCX conversion library for PHP?
I really don't have 200$+ to spare for a library.3 -
When 30 minutes of commuting to work are more valuable.... (me when am almost cracking the cause of the bug)1
-
Just got the news that I can start house hunting next week. My office will soon have a new home 💪🏼1
-
There's a conference room on the other side of the office. I've never been in it but I feel like only nonsense happens there.
*conference room door opens*
Someone in room: 'Taylor Swift is single again!'
10+ people inside: 'WOOOOOOOOO!!!'
Me: *smh* -
!rant
Do you take your devRant stuff to work?
Don't you ever wonder whether they think that you are ranting about them on here? -
Was looking at devRant ducks, then saw the shipping price. 😭. 16 Bucks... Wishing for cheaper shipping this Christmas...4
-
Trying to help my friend fix his Microsoft Office over the phone.
Friend: 'I seem to be having some trouble installing Office'
Me: 'What version are you trying to install?'
Friend: 'Windows 10' -
Right after entering the Office Depot:
Employee: Do you have a computer?
Me: (awkwardly) yes.
Employee: When was the last time you diagnosed your computer?
Me : (wtf) never
Employee: Bring your computer to us, we will do free diagnosis and help you fix issues and bla bla bla ....
I left.2 -
Microsoft Office Communicator (2007) is complete junk.
It can't even save a conversation session overnight -
Sent this to a coworker. He said don't share it with other people in the company; they are not ready.
https://ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/... -
In this new World of Microservices Architecture, I fail to understand the monolithic application. My context being for interviews. They keep asking about the old ways. What patterns were used and security situation. How do you tackle that when I did not get a chance to work on old monoliths. But
-
Promotion - the slowest phase in the development lifecycle. Sometimes it never happens and is left forgotten in the dark.
-
Anyone from Service Based IT Companies.? How much it really sucks to convince everyone around you about the idea you want to implement, but it cannot because the client is not happy and if he is not happy the management is also not happy. Its like we are chained to the chairs and systems, not letting us look at the outside world, where elegant solutions exists for smiple problems.
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I love you sooo much Microsoft! Your goddamn Office download page won't stop re-loading. For fucks sake, get your shit together.
Someone messed with something they shouldn't, but I have no idea what it could be.
And no, I'll not try open it on IE.
3 -
I'm helping my teammates with the problems that they face in debugging an issue or fixing a Dev environment.
Sometimes ppl go too flexible and ask for my Dev VM. The help I have to offer is tell them cause of an issue and tell them the fix that they have to give. What the fu*k they do? What did they gain as experience all these years.
Ppl don't know how to make draft commits. They can't fix but failures. They don't know anything.
They just sit at office and age as it is their only job.
Seniors take so much salary. Why don't they feel bad that they are not doing justice to their work. -
The weather's beautiful right now. The sun is shining, it's been in the high 60's - mid 70's all month, the cherry trees are blooming, and a warm breeze sighs past every handful of seconds. It's perfect sit in the yard with your laptop, drinking beer weather. I figured I'd forward my desk phone to my cell, so along with email, I won't miss a thing but the harsh florescent lights and stuffy office environment.
I'm forwarding a phone, you wouldn't think it would really be much of a task, but after 20 minutes of following the directions, tracing my steps, testing, and failing again, I had to call tech support. Turns out, I was doing it right all along. The phones are set up so that they can only be forwarded to another phone in the same building. So...Yeah. Guess that's that. -
I work with all sorts of sporty/adventurous people going hiking, climbing, running ironmans, travelling to the end of the world who won't eat the heel of the bread loaf.
-
Indefinite wait at the doctor's office, and the lightweight game that requires an internet connection for its single-player mode for no reason other than that it can decides that LTE isn't good enough, it only wants Wifi, but won't tell you...
-
Office manager just mandated that our standing desks would have a "cable pouch" installed at the rear for cable management. My cable tray **was** the neatest of everyone in dev, now it's unscrewed on the floor and all my cables plus the laptop charger are hanging loose, because notmyjob.jpg and contractors generally DGAF.
Oh, and they didn't install it flush with the rear of the desk, presumably because they didn't want to take off my laptop stand. So it's right in the way of my feet when I'm sitting.
Nothing that I can't fix with a screwdriver in my own time, fortunately. -
When all the employees in a company will be waiting for the time to go home, Developers are the only one, will be sitting and thinking when i can finish this feature(or fix these bugs) and go home.3
-
This will sound silly as I was a 6 yo back then. My father had got a computer for doing some office work. He used to do a lot of the stuff using MS Word. I loved seeing the Pipes screensaver marvelling at the infinite combinations of pipes. But, what got me the most excited was Clippy, the infamous Office Assistant. I started using computer just to play around with clippy. Right click, do a trick and stuff. Oh the memories...1
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When your boss says this is the cause, it must the cause. No, you don't need logs, you don't need any investigation, you don't need any proof to support why this is the cause. You don't have to provide alternative suggestions or any testing... Because he must be right! Just fix it the way he told you!
-
:rage 😡 😡 Gee I hope I get a fucking 0x80004005 error again today trying to validate my Mac copy of Office 365. I guess it's back to OpenOffice for me. 😡 😡 😡1
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Colleague who removed a function saying "maybe it would make the layout look better", days later asked me how the function works. 😐
-
We are not allowed to install anything on our school PC's, not even fonts. I need suggestions for some nice MS office fonts.2
-
Finally after one year i managed to set up my home office - so much more comfortable than sitting on the kitchen table when I am working on some side projects, from home or when I am playing some computer games
-
!rant
Imagine your company would spend 100$ more per employee to rent a bigger, nicer office. Imagine how much additional space you'd have there. Maybe individual offices for everybody, or at least not more than two or three employees per office? Telephone booths for long calls, or a library to work in absolute silence, to do research, or to study something new there.
How would that affect your productivity and overall happiness? How much better you'd feel there? How much more relaxed would you be? How much less sick days would you have, and how much money would your company save resp. make more due to higher productivity?
Or would you rather have a salary raise of 100$?5 -
Taking work-related tasks as personal challenges and conquering them has worked well for me so far.
Increases the level of contempt you get from work and also makes working so much more fun. -
Does anybody have an office in co-working space. I would like to know the advantages and disadvangages of co-working spaces
-
Lovely Summer day outside (you don't get many of those in London), and the office I work at doesn't even have windows.5
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I'd rather love to work here, I know it's not really an office buts it's way cool
http://techeblog.com/index.php/...1 -
just msgd an old song on my prev company watsapp grp, and my old manager replied, "are u still not out of ur last nyt hangover?"...lol..it feels so heavenly to see him rant on me and now i can reply him back too..!!!
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