COO Snake ousts CEO, fires founders, is generally clueless about tech and product and design and science (and basically everything this business is about) and expected me to drop everything else I do (rich, varied and fulfilling) and work full time as a slave-nerd. Some people just don’t get it.

Very tired of people that turn around to me and say “this is sales, you have to know your audience, it’s not based on truth and logic”... basically an excuse for telling outright lies and expecting me to pick up the pieces when reality bites and the lies come back to haunt them, all for the sake of “closing the deal”

Please please stop asking me every time I present some new feature if this is something we can patent - I have no f*cking idea and you’re missing the point!

A technology focussed recruitment consultant took great pride in recalling the first time he met a "real life developer". He was wearing a suit. Developer was wearing a Slipknot t-shirt. It was a defining moment for him.

Think he released a little man jelly in excitement.

I messed up between Dependency Manager and Dependency Injection and looked a bit of a tool.

Back the mid 90s at secondary school, a friend came back from holiday with a Casio CMD-40 TV remote control watch. It was like magic, no one had never seen anything like it before.

We pranked our history teacher so badly, changing the channels, volume and turning the TV off while we were supposed to be watching some video on Henry VIII or something (no idea, too busy PMSL).

We'd pass the watch round the class to keep em guessing.

In the end, school replaced ALL the TVs and were seriously pissed off, to this day I believe they had no idea it was us!

Actual conversation today with one of my remote developer teammates in Ukraine

Me: "next up I'd like to discuss the 'bigger picture' so you have context for the next tasks..."

Dev (after an hour or so and some chat in between...): "Yes, could you please send more details about a large images issue?"

Me (somewhat perplexed): "what are you... oh! Haha"

😂😂😂

Teaching 7-8 year olds the basics of web design. We're we're playing with CSS and changing colours of block elements and text. One girl put up her hand, completely confused as to why it wasn't working. Her code:

Section {
Background-color: rainbow;
}

Oh the wonderful mind of children

Reading through the bugs list on Trello...

- change colour and style of button to make it more prominent
- change default for select box
- add a popup to explain the UI on 1st visit
- if I don't save the entry, show alert to user on exit
- remove the map button under the map that links via auto scroll to the map above it
- remove the settings options for the items we designed but you couldn't implement due to lack of time / budget / low priority

It goes on, seriously...

FFS

I've travelled around the world for a conference (Taiwan) and I'm on my own. Pure undisturbed rant browsing time.

Spaced over Tabs or Tabs over Spaces?

When you ask me to estimate some project that is complex and you don't pay for an initial research process, my response will be full of assumptions.

I've kindly listed those assumptions for you, also sometimes referred to as Caveats.

When you don't read the assumptions and the issues arise outside of reasonable control - that means it's YOUR F'ING PROBLEM

I have completely given up explaining to my friends and family what I do for a living.

I hate you USB interface

When the agency's Head of Digital doesn't know their Python from their PHP (I can only assume beginning with P is the main culprit).

And you wonder why your project is over budget, out of time and everyone is pissed...?

Because business analysts are perfectly qualified to make sound UX decisions...

Remembers a time when I was considered non-technical founder and not taken seriously as credible tech company leader by smart ass VCs

Years invested in learning, experimenting, building. Now somewhat capable.

Considered too technical to be understood by dumb ass VCs.

😤

Yeah right. If we go hybrid mobile app it's like the same work as native but you get 2 apps for 2 platform for the same time / cost. That's how it works 😭

How long does it take to actually sign off the proposal and make an initial payment?

Goddam apple certificates

Avoiding using the line "...and this conversation is over" aka Suits-style, to simply STOP THE MADNESS!

Building an experimental prototype but not allowed to talk with fellow dev community about it because we need to be stealthy to protect our idea / ip