*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*

CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.

Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.

CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.

CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.

Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?

Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.

Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.

CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.

Me: Okay, what do you suggest?

CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.

Everyone on the call: 😨

Walked into the office in the afternoon, everyone was kinda panicking
Asked what was going on, well, the ticket system is not working anymore, can't put in any new tickets.
So I started to look for the issue as well, checked the system and... The last tickets' IDs were at ~32k. Ha. Looked into the source code and, sure enough, they used a data type with an upper limit of... 32k. So when trying to get a new ticket ID it just crashed and burned.
Quickly changed the data type and stopped the office panic in around half an hour.
Memorable not because of how tough the bug was, but because of the impact and the simplicity of the fix

Keep this between us, but I got sexually assaulted in a work party by a very old guy who worked at the venue.

I didn't bring it up because a) I had already resigned from that company and was on my notice period, and b) I was going to leave the country in a few weeks and couldn't be arsed having to think about it on my vacation or even after.

Still pretty awkward with myself because after that, the very drunk me got emotionally unhinged, went outside and cried my eyes out for no reason. 😐
Like, it wasn't even the worst assault that has ever happened to me so what was the hysterical crying and panic about ffs?

What's worse than putting out fires all day?

Going to check on and put out fires but then realizing they don't exist because management is incompetent.

#clowndrivendevelopment 🤡

Woke up after a 2-3 hours nap at night just to have a career-panic and apply for all the jobs I'm overqualified for.

... Now I regret it.

😐

Nothing screams panic like accidentally deploying an older, broken staging build, that also run outdated database migrations on start, straight to production

i kinda feel embarrassed all the time. i feel like it's never enough, i don't know enough, there's so much i don't know. i do enjoy my work and sometimes there are moments where i'm proud of what i've done, or these "i'm a fucking genious" moments when i solve a bug or a certain problem or when something finally works. but if i have to do something new, i tend to panic a bit, as long as i do not yet have a concrete solution in mind.
my perception contrasts with the feedback people give me, but even when i'm happy about the positive feedback, i tend to think to myself, "they're wrong, it's not that great"..

Had a panic attack during a coding assignment and now every time I think about that problem I just start spacing. Noice.

Also dear companies: if you wanna ask your interviewees about trying to deduce a theorem out of nowhere, maybe do it in the first test and not in the last one. Cause that’s a shot in the dark to someone who’s not a mathematician and id feel waaay less frustrated if I didn’t give you 6 hours of my life just to end up with an arbitrary task like this.

I am Done! I am extremely burnt out and unhappy with my work. I have been doing this professionally for over 5 years now and much longer than that unprofessionally.
This new company I joined finally gave me the salary I always dreamt of but now I am extremely unhappy and depressed and anxious all the time. And I don't like the work I am doing. I don't like the team. I hate being isolated at home for over 2 years, working from home. I had a mental breakdown in the middle of the meeting the other day. And after that, I said. that's it. I am done. So, I gave the resignation letter. I don't know what I am gonna do. But I sure as hell can't do this shit any longer. But now, the fucking hr is making it even more difficult for me by not letting me leave without serving the notice period. I told her I am on fucking medication and I am having severe mental health issues. Now, she wants to see the medical certificate. Or I have to pay two months' salary. WTF? If I had that kind of money lying around, I wouldn't have slaved myself away at your shitty company, would I?
I went to my psychiatrist whom I have been seeing consulting for the last couple of years now. I asked for a medical certificate and he thinks it'll hamper my future career. So, he said I should get a certificate from a general physician. So, that's the world we live in then? You can't even speak the truth? And the way HR is behaving over the mail makes me feel like a total slave. I mean I am not at all fit for work these days, and it feels like, if she had her way, she would tie me down to a chair and ask me to push out code. what the fucking fuck. This is some fucked up industry and I think I am finally done with software development. But now, I don't have any idea what I am gonna do with my life or how am I gonna earn money. I am so burnt out and anxious that even the thought of working again gives me panic attacks. even working from home. What the fuck do I do?

At this point, I just feel bad for my coworker.

No, I am not frustrated or angry, just feeling terribly bad for her as how difficult life must be for someone so dumb.

We are introducing a new method to track some data in our product, like total number of sign-ups, DAU, etc.

Now the implementation is already WIP and this is known to all.

The dev has documented the approach where he has mapped the screen name, a screenshot, and a snippet of the schema that tracks that particular screen.

I kid you not guys, this coworker somehow landed on that document and started some scientific study to try and extract data.

Yes, she looked at the schema screenshot and spent like few hours trying to decode it to figure out the sign-ups and DAU.

Data via a screenshot in a document. I can't even express it.

And then texts me in panic mode that she isn't able to access the data because the file is . jpeg within a document.

I asked where is she executing the schema, because I thought she is joking initially. She said she doesn't know and asked me where she should execute it.

My mind is numb. Life must be real hard when you are so fucking dumb.

Been sick since Wednesday with a heavy feeling of dizziness and vertigo (BPPV). Basically I got sick in the week I intentionally planned nothing to tackle my workload and get some stuff done, but I was physically unable to work on it until now.

Meeting is on Monday.

Also preorder my new book on O'Reilly, much appreciated.

(No, I am not panicking, pls send help)

A story about burnout you say? Well, here it goes.

In 2019, I worked in a now-defunct startup. Back then, I was deep in "treatment" with wrong medications that almost ended up turning me into a vegetable. When I was hired, my mind was already deteriorating quickly, and I was caught in a downward spiral of losing intelligence.

Prior to working there, there was never ever ever a situation in my career when I was given a problem to solve and failed to do it.

But right then, with already double-digit IQ and constant, pumping anxiety, I was seeing task descriptions that looked familiar and doable, yet I absolutely could not do them. I couldn't comprehend. It was an absolutely screeching, crippling panic about me losing my intelligence forever, being fired and ending up unhireable, dying alone on the streets.

Apart from my depression I recovered from, this very experience was a trauma that haunts me to this day, every day. You know, my experience being raped as an adolescent doesn't, but this, it's something else. Now, my intelligence is back, I design architecture, I'm a CTO, and my solutions are objectively cleaner and better in every way than what I did pre-depression. Yet, I still feel a sharp, sudden rush of anxiety, and my heart skips a beat, when I think about writing code or even opening the IDE.

I don't know how does one recover from this. I'm now slowly transitioning into "architecting CTO" role that is just being a devrel, assessing ethics, working with business to realize their need, designing solutions and leaving the implementation for the team to do. You know, the stuff I was taught in the uni.

Maybe doing open source and launching small pet projects will help. But at this stage of my life I have no emotional resource to care.

Last night by accident I put my phone on coconut paste. (don't ask.)

Although it doesn't show signs of damage, and hopefully it hasn't been damaged, my heart is still not at rest. I had enough panic for one year.

But why does this keep happening to me with tech stuff accidents? Whyyyyyyy?

I was skimming a FedEx page to track a shipment when out of the corner of my eye I see “Watch list” and almost had a merry little panic attack because I apparently did not get the requisite amount of sleep for rational thought.

FedEx, our ideas of watch list are very different.

I don’t remember the first experience as I was a very small child, but I remember a very defining one: picture a 4yo just casually turning on the computer and playing a game.
My mother and sister find me out and panic because “oh no, turning it off it’s hard how will we do? Your father is working and can’t turn it off!”

Now picture the 4 yo saying “it’s easy, you just do this”, followed by him closing the game, launching the bash command to close the computer and going away.

I must have been so creepy in their eyes 😂

Was at a Saturn (tech store) a while ago, just in the area and browsing a bit, and then this: (see image, thanks C0D4)

This sort of shit happens all the time around here.

There was also my local Karlchens Backstube (bakery and café) where the drive-thru display had a green screen of death; I don't know why they used an insider build of windows. Or windows in general for a fucking DISPLAY SIGN. A FUCKING DISPLAY SIGN WITH JUST A STATIC IMAGE DISPLAYED.
(Image not revant)

Rant over.
Fucking hell.

The panic when I overhear my colleague in a meeting "sure I can test it in prod but we normally don't do that..."

Urgh. One key skill that wannabes seem to forget is patience. Patience, patience, patience. Don't panic, don't be lazy, be methodical. This is the way of the analytical computer scientist. Don't panic all over the place or make assumptions..

Some techs..

If you have a new Alienware, I highly recommend not to try installing Ubuntu on it. I can't even describe how many levels of hell I went through to get stuff working, and how every Ubuntu base update gives me a panic attack.
From Ubuntu not installing with RAID settings, then not being able to boot in GUI mode because Nvidia drivers, to built-in keyboard, speaker and mic not working.
Praise the Ubuntu lord, now everything is working, but I still can't adjust the rgb keyboard colors :(

A word of advice:
If you integrate email verification very tightly in the registration flow, it will be a world of pain to implement changing the email address.
It's alright, I didn't want to do anything this afternoon anyway.

Assumptions are a terrible idea, yet I find myself making them all the time about other people. I am finding the very sobering reality about people who use technology vs people who create technology. The users have zero intellectual interest in how the technology accomplishes a task. While the creators get absorbed into the details and often relish in being able to maximize capability.

A point of frustration for me is users who are in a semi technical field yet take zero time to learn how to configure a piece of tech. They get a plug and play attitude and seek in panic when things don't work. The work is semi technical because they need to understand some of the fundamental physics involved to assess things using instrumentation. Yet when asked about a system they actively modify as to how it is normally setup they are clueless. Me, who helps write the software to control these devices, is stumped that they have zero interest (or capacity?) to understand how the system is normally configured. This is not the first time I have made assumption about what they know in technical contexts. I have run into this before with managers, but not with technicians.

How do you manage your expectations with people who won't invest any time into how their equipment actually works? How does someone operate that way to begin with? Where is their curiosity about how things work?

On the flip side, I swear at my fucking phone because I don't care how it works, but I just want it to stop doing everything besides being a phone... Fuck you, we are not the same, I think...

After all the rants I've written on this topic, no, no, fuck no. I ain't answering jackshit. The trauma is very real. I'm trying to not have a panic attack just remembering few of the times I've lost work, personal data, side projects, accounts, you name it.
Oh dear God it's hard to breathe...

PO1: Hey, PO2 just told me that he experiences a lot of crashes in our iOS app!

Me: Whoa! The app hasn’t had any crashes since ages. The testers haven’t reported crashes either. (Me in panic mode). I will ask PO2 about some details about the crashes.

Me to PO2: So, can you please describe me when the crash happens?

PO2: (long story about error messages and UI quirks and how he force quits the app to make them disappear)

Me: OK thanks for that info. Those are definitely valid problems that we have not encountered yet. But none of them are crashes. So are there any other problems that cause crashes?

PO2: Yes and no. (Long story and more problems)

Me: ok we need to investigate that. But are there crashes?

PO2: (Something that doesn’t answer the question)

Me: I need to ask explicitly again: Are there actual crashes where the app closes itself automatically?

PO2: No, that has never happened.

48 hours.
We had 3 weeks of "manual data collection": pencil, paper and a dozen of people around all the offices of the company with the task to collect serial numbers of every piece of equipment used.
Then we had 3 weeks of data entry, a dozen of people copying all handwritten data to a custom made VB form.

And then there was me, the guy that was in charge of verifying, zipping and sending the data to the client. I spent 48h non stop to go through everything, finding, fixing or delete unusable data.
I had to delete at least 25% of the data because incomplete or completely unusable (serial numbers too short or too long, for example).
48h in the office.

The data was then delivered to the customer. 2 days after, when I finally woke up, everyone was in panic because:
- serial numbers were not matching
- addresses were wrong
- the number of delivered records was smaller than expected

What did I learn from this experience?
When your deadline is tomorrow, and you need 4 weeks to complete your work, ignore the deadline and inform everyone at any level that you are ignoring the deadline. And then resign and find a better job.

Ah, yes, pencils and paper are powerful tools, but rat poison too. You just need to use them in the right place. The only data collection that can be trusted when done with a pencil is the one involving checkboxes.

1. Update some packages
2. Linux machine stops working soon after
3. Panic
4. Go get windows machine to help me troubleshoot the issue
5. Starts windows update on startup
6. Panic some more

Checked my old works inbox.
84 emails lol, panic.
I am no longer there for you.
Bai.

*Sent an email with misspelled person's name*

This just in: Panic attack

My plan was to potato today.

... But given anxiety, might as well have a minor heart attack and a few panic attacks on the side.

Plus, second day of no proper food seems to be helping that cause greatly too.

At this rate, I'll die of dehydration first. Lol. My greatest regret is missing out on the robot's uprising. Ain't got nobody I love deeply, so at least I don't feel regrets for people I leave behind. Tiz a short meh life I've lived.

Aight. Ms NoRegrets is out.

P.S.
In case you're stupid, let me clarify: I was being a drama queen. Shall fetch water... soon, hopefully.

Tru-lyfe CTO (CTC) stories:

I spelled a juniors name wrong in a commit message...

Am I an asshole?

P.S.: it was 100% fully NOT on purpose, it's just an alternate spelling of the name, i.e. Jakob instead of Jacob (not the name of course, for privacy purposes, just an example)

Today someone found a 0 day in our trialware which allowed some of the main features to work even after its expiry.
I mean what do you expect when you create a shady system for trialware.
It was fun to watch the lead dev of the trialware panic when it was confirmed.

Tomorrow's standup is gonna be fun.

!dev-related

Found out that a pervert from my gf’s highschool took a bunch of screenshots of her Instagram (bikini pictures, etc.) and posted them to the r/breeding and other fucked up subreddits even though she was only 16/17 in the photos

We notified the uni he goes too and nothing happened. We noticed the police of his hometown and they said they couldn’t do anything because he was currently at his uni

He then claimed it was a rumor and it wasn’t him even though the Reddit account that posted it had a previous post that directly connected the Reddit account to his Instagram account and the Reddit account mentioned had a post that mentioned his home town

My poor gf is now having panic attacks bc this motherfucker wanted to jerk his tiny dick off with his retard friends bc they were rejected by her in highschool

It’s taking so much effort not to send him some phishing emails and empty his fucking bank account

Panic situation

It’s been a bad week for anxiety. I don’t want to take my emergency anti-panic meds all the time because I have a limited amount but dear god do they help. I swear they even make me a better dev. Actual magic. My shoulders are relaxed, I’m hyper focused on my work, the solutions to bugs just jump out at me. Magic I tell ya

All the mistakes I make are runtime error and are never caught or handled, just panic!

The strangest thing just happened to me, I was in a lucid dream (totally aware that I’m in the dreamworld). I was on a sidewalk sitting down, I couldn’t get up the only thing I could do is to move my head from side to side to look around. This is a location I’m familiar with btw. I was seeing people I’ve never seen before, everyone looking very vivid and unique, I even remember seeing a kid wearing a orange timberland. After looking around I decided to talk to someone, an Asian looking woman was walking pass so I shouted “hey” 3 times very loudly, i knew it was loud because I could hear my voice in my head , but she kept waking as if I didn’t exist, not ignoring me but it’s as if I wasn’t there at all. Then I realized the moment I shouted “hey” to communicate there was a disconnect from my physical body in the real world. I felt literally no physical attachments, this was weird so I started to panic, immediately I closed my eyes in the dreamworld hoping that I would wake up in the real world, instead I was in this dark void where the only thing that exist were my thoughts, nothing else. I started to fight to get up until finally I could feel the tip of my fingers moving. About 3 minutes in I got up fully, I wasn’t sweating, my heart wasn’t beating fast as it would if I was really panicking. Now here I am telling you this weird experience that got me rethinking my perception on existence.

Dude ist sysadmin at server Pool hosting our app for the client.

Client: something minor is not working.

Dude: Let me just restart app, works at my windows laptop everytime or whatever.
*restarts app, hangs on entrypoint*

Dude: Dear client it's brocken.

Clients: *calls us in panic.*

Horus: Dear dude, when it hangs on startup consider to download an update because we fixed some issues with in theis area recently. Also maybe enlarge the docker compose timeout.

Dude: Still does not start up.

Horus: ok just call me on this Zoom link, then we can debug together.

Dude:...

Dude:...

Dude:...

Dude: oh i just saw it did startup mean while, it just took some time.

Fuck you dude, and your impatience!

So I'm working on our inhouse help desk system
added a few stuff to the database and since there was already some live data in the database had to make use of flask-migrate for making migrations and upgrades

Since I had already initialized a migration and a revision number was already generated bumped into a situation where i couldn't make new migrations and me panic mode ramping up
opens chrome and surfed the net for solutions like the flash
thumbs up for platforms like stackoverflow
saved my ass today

its ok bro.. is not a big deal.
Just dont panic and ill see you in jail 👋🏻