preface: I'm fucking exhausted and angry.

Why does everyone assume I know how to do frontend?
Why am I always the design girl?
Why?

You hire me to do backend. STOP GIVING ME FRONTEND DESIGN CRAP. I HATE IT.

AND STOP GODDAMN YELLING AT ME FOR NOT MAKING SOMETHING RESPONSIVE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW.

yes i can learn, but I CAN'T FUCKING PICK UP A SKILL LIKE THAT IN A DAY. Also, I fucking hate it.

STICK IT UP YOUR (min-width: 1400px) ASS.

But seriously, I've spent 13 hours today figuring out completely new things (webpack, susy, express.js, cloudinary, responsive best practices, more webpack) because the boss is in panic-mode (his preferred state) and wants this project released last monday.

guess what? it isn't done.
because i still don't know how to do everything. and ofc there's nobody to ask because there never fucking is.

Seriously, boss-man. hire a fucking designer, and stop being an illiterate sales goon while you're at it. ffs.

Yesterday's JR web dev interview:
👨🏻‍💻: Experience?
👶: Well JS, pyhton, UX Design and bit of Sass.
👨🏻‍💻: Feel like you'll have a hard time learning PHP?
👶: Well if it needs to be PHP, I can learn it.. Are you using a certain CMS?
👨🏻‍💻: Cool, good. Yeah we're using WordPress and need to support our sites for IE8.
👶:... Well.. ehm.. *runs away and screams in panic 💨*

I'd like to have... A Kernel Panic please, no sudo on top.

TL;DR: Got a really horrible supervisor temporarily fired, maybe permanently fired, got a laptop, and realized that senior devs are amazing when they stand up for the little guys

Omg... I love my coworkers!!! So like, I'm an incredibly shy dev, like, I only managed to get my internship purely because of my familiarity with c#, Android/UWP app development (although never apple, which you can read about in my last rant lol), and the API Management framework that they were using, so, long stories short, I'm insanely shy and I get anxious quite quickly in social situations, that'll be important in a bit. Anyways​, so, in my previous rant (my first one actually, it was "that" bad...) I had a run-in with a rather unfair supervisor situation where he expected me to work on an iOS app without a Mac machine.
Yup.
So, this is currently a little bit before my shift end, where I'm anxiously trying to get a MacOS VM up and running to be able to copy paste some psudo-code so as not to get in trouble, which is when the senior dev of the team walks by and sees me tearing hair out of my head and being really sad. So what does this god amongst men do?
He comes over and asks me what I'm doing.

Now, I didn't actually notice him, so when he asked me, I was insanely jumpy and scared that my supervisor would appear and be mad at me for not having things done, so I kind of half scream half yelp when he says something, so now he knows somethings up and he acts kind of like I'm an injured deer and slowly asks what's going on.
So, of course I tell him everything that had happened and how the supervisor got really mad about me not being able to develop iOS apps due to not having a Mac, and his expectation of me to get it magically working and getting to work on my module, and the selenium portal automatization, and after a couple seconds of me rapid fire nervous squirrel-like explanation, he holds up a hand and says "He what?!!!!? God dammit, how the hell are you supposed to do that? Jesus, you were supposed to get a company laptop when you got here, where's that??? And if you don't have that then how the hell were you working on the cross platform portion? You need a Mac machine for that, so let me get this straight... You've been frantically trying to find a workaround so that AS (let's call him AS for asshat supervisor (missing an s)) doesn't get mad at you... Who the hell... And this fuckers in charge of the interns??"

He was incredibly pissed off at this point, like, REALLY pissed off... But-

This man had just spoken miracles to me.

Mother...

Fuckin...

Miracles...

So I do what any self respecting intern would do, I start cry laughing and hug said BSD for a quick second (badass senior developer), and I say yep, pretty much ;-;.

And queue AS walking into my workspace and saying
AS- "are you done with the iOS a..."

BSD- "You've got to be kidding me, shut up for a second and sit down"

AS- "?" *Sits*

Me- *hides in corner and cinches up hoodie*

BSD- "Excuse me, but what did you ask benlion to do?"

AS- "Um, I simply told him to start working on the Xamarin app"

BSD- "Yes, but according to benlion, you angrily told him to start working on the Mac portion... Let me ask you something first, why would you do that? It's rude and inappropriate to be hostile to anyone at the workplace, in fact, if he wants to pursue to matter, you can get demoted, actually, if he wants to pursue it, you're fired, and there's no way I'm letting you get a management job again"

AS -"Wow, did benlion really say that? He's obviously lying due to his dislike for me, BSD, it's rather unfair to take his word over his superv..."

BSD-"Oh you did NOT just go there. That's it, stay here. And benlion, come with me." *Points at me*

Me- *Terrified out of my mind, almost to the point of a nervous breakdown because of the argument that I had started* "O-okay o_O"

Long stories short, we come back with his supervisor and he is now relieved of his duties temporarily while this whole thing gets settled...

Oh, and I get my Apple Laptop tomorrow ^-^ so I'm really happy, albeit kind of sad that its my fault that AS doesn't have a job right now ;-;, but he did yell at me and expect incredibly impossible things of me, so, not as bad as I might feel.

There are 3 types of fear
1. Terror
2. Panic
3. Client is using internet explorer

Your profession changes how you think.
Coding did the same for me. Some good, some bad.

The good:

I know which problems in life are worth trying to solve.

And I'm very good at solving those problems.

I can analyse a situation accurately. I don't get emotional and panic.

I can immediately identify logical flaws in people's thinking.

I can identify biases in others and myself.

The bad:

I tend to follow simple instructions to the letter and rarely improvise based on reality.

When my wife tells me her problem I try to solve it instead of empathizing - which is what she really wants.

I haven't developed street smarts or the ability to convince people with anything other than logic - but people are more emotional than logical.

I'm not good at small talk.

Big client, sells products in 30+ countries.

Tries to generate newsletter subscribers, so asks for a system to send a coupon upon subscription.

2 days later, client calls in panic. “We have too many subscribers, our marketeers say it’s a bot issue, can you do something?”.

Checked the data, checked analytics, turns out there’s a lot of referral traffic from freebie-sites, no sign from a bot issue.

Called the client back, “sorry, but there’s nothing you can do about that, you wanted your newsletter to become popular. Not you’re the victim of your own success”.

Client: “can we add captcha?”

Me: “why would you want to do that? You don’t even have a bot issue”

Client: “to make it harder for people to subscribe”

I tried to talk som sense in their heads, but after 3 times I gave up and implemented the damn captcha. It’s still there, doing nothing but annoying thousands of people, including me...

Small agency, wants to try out some voice tech. Bought a Google AIY to get started, found some limits, worked round them.

Junior developer thought it would be fun to 'teach' it to swear.

Played around with some nice dialogflow intents, etc and got it all working.

Looking pretty good, loaded it with some quippy answers and case studies to show off our services.

Just got in to find out the boss has taken it to a presentation to a client about some of the new stuff we're doing... Now we are all sitting here waiting to see how many of us have a job tomorrow :-/

This makes me panic, every time

Does anyone else have that one guy or gal you work with that's ALWAYS the one to find the weirdest, inexplicable bugs possible? Yup. That's me. Here's some fun examples.

*Unplugs monitor from laptop, causing kernel panic*
*Mouse moves in reverse when inside canvas*
*Program fails to compile, yet compiler blames a syntax error that doesn't exist*
*malloc on the first line of a program causes a segfault*

And for how the conversation usually goes

Me: "[coworker], mind taking a look at this?"
Coworker: "Sure.This better not be another one of 'your bugs'. ... ... ... Well, if you need me I'll be at my desk."
Me: "So you know what's causing it?"
Coworker: "Nope. I've accepted that you're cursed and you should do the same."

Well ill just panic then

Friend: "You are good with computers right?"
Me: "Yes...."
Friend: "Can you put an eye on my computer? Mint crash at every startup"
Me: (Oh Linux! For this time ok) "Yeah, show me"

My friend open the pc...
Pc: "KERNEL PAAAAANIC!"
Me: ".... WTF!?"
Friend: "Can you repair this?"
Me: (shit.)

That was a long day...
(My friend closed the lid without the drivers and then the pc from the standby did not wake up correctly)

-You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
-What mood is that?
-Last-minute panic.

Tested on local work perfectly,
Push to production
Restart service
CPU went up to 100%, process alive but all services down.
Panic.
Try to think of what would be the cause.
With no hope, i restarted the service again.
Everything works as expected.
I still dont know what happened. :/

Been awake for like 18 hours.
Ok one last push to gitlab.
*Gitlab offline* welp, guess ill do that later, time for some sleep.
*Reads their status on twitter about data loss* (panic)

FUCK

My company does estimates in two ways.

1. Sales person just throws a number out there, always short, and we panic code to make it happen before the client decides twice as long isn't worth it.

OR

2. The devs are told to give an estimate before having a chance to find out all the requirements, THEN ARE TOLD THEY ESTIMATED TOO HIGH AND TO LOWER THE NUMBER!

FUCK THE ESTIMATING!!! GIVE US TIME AND ACCEPT OUR ESTIMATES!! SALES PEOPLE DONT HAVE TO STAY UP IF WE NEED TO CRAM!!

"We don't need that network profile for this interface anymore."

*Removes*

*40+ virtual machines lose network connectivity*

"Huh. That shouldn't have happened...Well, I gotta catch my flight. Machoog, you got this?"

*Panic!*

A few years ago:

In the process of transferring MySQL data to a new disk, I accidentally rm'ed the actual MySQL directory, instead of the symlink that I had previously set up for it.

My guts felt like dropping through to the floor.

In a panic, I asked my colleague: "What did those databases contain?"

C: "Raw data of load tests that were made last week."

Me: "Oh.. does that mean that they aren't needed anymore?"

C: "They already got the results, but might need to refer to the raw data later... why?"

Me: "Uh, I accidentally deleted all the MySQL files... I'm in Big Trouble, aren't I?"

C: "Hmm... with any luck, they might forget that the data even exists. I got your back on this one, just in case."

Luck was indeed on my side, as nobody ever asked about the data again.

1. Connect your laptop to prod-vpn
2. Open SQL Server Management Studio for debugging
3. Walk away
4. Find your 3 year old at your laptop
5. Panic.
6. Thank Microsoft for locking the screen when the laptop sleeps.

Best way to waste time: Debug the wrong thing. :D

Day before easter holidays, a few years ago. It was evening and almost everyone had gone home. I finished a task, and immediately set off to do the next one, stressed as fuck, as usual. One colleague was left at the office, who asked me to at least eat something before I continued. I said I didn't have time, but after some negotiations sat down at the table, and realized I couldn't physically move the fork to my mouth.

I was having a panic attack. My colleague helped me with breathing excercises, gave me some pills and when I started to calm down a little, I said I'd better go back to work.

"No", she responsed, "we're going to the emergency"

I refused, since I had work to do, but she told me that I needed a person in a white lab coat to tell me that I shouldn't work for a while.

We went. The doctor gave me 3 weeks of sick leave, where I learnt a new word: No.

I thank the universe for not letting me get burnt out. I'm thankful for that amazing colleague.

I now work without stress, doing one thing at a time and saying no when my body says no.

Every so often I remember that the code I wrote is running in production and real customers are using it and I feel a little bit sick

Part of the new hire process was all salaried employees had to work all hourly position jobs for a day (over a several week period, not all in one day) to really understand what we do.

I once hazed a new network admin who was working in the call center and I sent his station a pop-up message:
“Ha! Fire me will you!! I planted this virus and if you don’t enter the password in 60 seconds I will erase the database.” The pop-up had a counter counting down from 60.

This was over the lunch hour, so all the supervisors and managers were away and ‘Mark’ in a panic ran into our office (I was hiding under my desk)

Mark: GUYS!!...GUYS!!!....OMG!….Where the frack is everybody?!!!”

He runs out.

I peek out the door window and about a second later he’s running down the hall with one of the vice presidents. Mark shows the VP the message, VP looks over at our office, sees me…laughs and walks back to his office (not saying much to Mark).

Mark not knowing what’s going on watches the counter…3...2…1….
”Just kidding. Welcome to the company!”

Ahhh…the repeated sounds of “You son of a -bleep-!!” never sounded so sweet.

So, continuing with the story, I decided to quit today.

I'm not even a month there, and I'm running out of there in flames.

I've got 2 panic attacks in one week, I'm not sacrificing my mental health for some idiot's scam.

Keep this between us, but I got sexually assaulted in a work party by a very old guy who worked at the venue.

I didn't bring it up because a) I had already resigned from that company and was on my notice period, and b) I was going to leave the country in a few weeks and couldn't be arsed having to think about it on my vacation or even after.

Still pretty awkward with myself because after that, the very drunk me got emotionally unhinged, went outside and cried my eyes out for no reason. 😐
Like, it wasn't even the worst assault that has ever happened to me so what was the hysterical crying and panic about ffs?

Tragedies of Non-Technical Boss:

Boss: What happened yesterday, tried reaching you several times, you were just unavailable!

Me: My wifi stopped working as there was some issue at the ISP's end.

Boss: You could've atleast dropped a skype message that your internet is not working!

Me: Yes sir but the internet was not working, so I couldn't drop that message too!!

Boss: But you should have, I was in panic what happened to you...You were alright or not?...

Me: Yup I know, I didn't see the wifi tragedy coming.

Boss: If ever the internet goes down or anything sort of that happens just drop me a text on skype, that your internet is not working. Okay!

Me: *Confused* as to if he is high or just not listening to what I am saying...

I made a website for a guy, been keeping a casual eye on it and it's fine, if boring.

Then he calls in a panic to tell me it's been hacked, there is porn everywhere and funny underlined words and I must fix it right now!

So I drop what I'm doing and access the site and it's fine. I use a few different devices and even a couple of different networks and can't see a thing wrong with it.

Then I spent half an hour on the phone trying to convince him that his own shady surfing habits are causing this on his computer only.

I get the feeling he didn't believe me because he hasn't paid the latest invoice..

LAST MINUTE:

The heavenly time window we're all thankfully entitled to!

Its where 90% of my productivity lies,

Its when 80% of my projects were developed,

Its when 'responsibility' synonymous to 'panic',

Its when i start to realise the dark and deep depths of the universe,

Its what gives me my purpose in life.

Am I the only here who get so much PUSSY when encountering bugs in code?
P - panic attacks
U - uncontrollable anxiety
S - suicidal fantasies
S - sadness
Y - yearning to death

Quick burger restaurant (a Belgian burger restaurant much like McDonalds) using raspberry pi for their screen ... Well looks like it doesn't quiet work 😂

My boss is a confirmed case of an arrogant shithead.

Yesterday, they made a late announcement that we should work from home instead. I came back from lunch to an almost empty office so I went home on a hot afternoon and spent a few minutes sharing the roof of a bus stop with 30+ people (it's that hot). Everyone's melting and dizzily waiting for a crowded bus that we will crowd into as well. It's the best experience ever, being stuck in there like a can of sardines, exchanging breaths with random people, sweating all over each other like an orgy.

Do we want to do that again? No, so we decided to work from home today. You advised us not to go to the office if we feel unsafe and then you guilt-trip us and give us shit for doing so. You said we should use our common sense because there are only less than 100 cases in the country of millions of people and we shouldn't panic. Ba dum tss! First of all, it's not panic, it's precaution. The confirmed cases are just a few meters away from the office and people from there walk around the vicinity eating at the same restaurants below the office building. Also, let's use your word "panic". There are *only* less than 100 cases, so when do you panic? When there's as much cases as the black death because people walked around without symptoms spreading this shit?

Not to mention, you've been traveling everywhere yourself this month, even from a country with 100+ cases. Maybe you're the dumbass walking around telling people not to be scared while being a super spreader yourself. Imagine the irony if you ended up being one of those confirmed cases. Imagine the guilt if one of the employees you force into coming to work becomes a confirmed case, then what will be your speech? There's only one employee with the virus, we should all go to work?

I know the disclaimer is useless because some trigger-happy users who lack basic reading comprehension will misinterpret this and get outraged for no reason - I get that panic doesn't help but arrogance doesn't either. Saying that there are only X number of cases when those cases are just a walking distance from your area and the said virus doesn't show symptoms early on. When other companies even farther from the area are announcing work from home, not from panic, but for precaution. And here you are, you have developers who don't even need to be in the office to do their jobs, yet you insist they come to work anyway while you and other managers wouldn't even show up in the office.

Fucking excellent, my boi. Fire me. I've not caving into the guilt-trip.

As we may all messed up a (git) repo at the begininng, do you know the surge of adrenalin right before pushing your committed changes or merging branches?

On a tiny vacation in another country. Don't have a converter plug (for the power sockets) so borrowed one.

*connects laptop to charger* (old charger which might die soon)
*nothing happens*
*slight panic*
*tries different sockets*
*nothing*
😨😲😭
"you might want to check your phone with that thing as the socket seems loose as hell"
*tries phone with charger that definitely works*
*nothing*

😰🙌

That was a fucking panic attack right there 😅

Booking a hotel on booking.com

**only 3 rooms avaliable at this discounted price BOOK NOW**
**12 rooms booked just in the last 24 hours BOOK NOW**

*** HTML AND CSS FLASHING WEBSITE PANIC**

I call the hotel directly "sorry sir, we're closed for the season and currently renovating, will not be open till June"

I need a drink.

A: man Stack Overflow is a paradise on earth, anything I need is on there, it never lets me down.

"Stack Overflow is currently offline for maintenance"

A: ......PANIC

So, I told my new newbies intern; "Please keep remind yourself, not accidently type 'rm -rf /' as root. You don't want to know what going to happen". He nod.

Next day, in the dev server, "Kernal Panic". Human, full of curiosity.

So ehm, tl;dr: KEEP DAILY BACKUPS. EVEN IF SOMEONE SAYS NOT TO.

7:48
Manager: Hey Tom, is the server down?
Me: Nah, should be ok, I just did some maintenance this sunday.
Manager: But I can't get [some work data from SQL server]
*Nervous giggle*

9:14: Some random off-site cunt they hired didn't read the notes that said "DO NOT REMOVE DATABASE [xyz]"
9:20-ish: Web don't even have the DB. And you said that we'll figure out what to do with backups later
*Suddenly manager starts to panic*
11:47: Found backup of the entire server on and old server that we had for spare parts, still running tho.
12:something: Everything back up and working.

Really glad I kept the old server running and doing daily backups. Saved our ass for the second time. And finally, new off-site backup is planned this week.

Ooh this is good.

At my first job, i was hired as a c++ developer. The task seemed easy enough, it was a research and the previous developer died, leaving behind a lot of documentation and some legacy fortran code. Now you might not know, but fortran can be really easily converted to c, and then refactored to c++.

Fine, time to read the docs. The research was on pollen levels, cant really tell more. Mostly advanced maths. I dug through 500+ pages of algebra just to realize, theres no way this would ever work. Okay dont panic, im a data analyst, i can handle this.

Lets take a look at the fortran code, maybe that makes more sense. Turns out it had nothing to do with the task. It looped through some external data i couldnt find anywhere and thats it. Yay.

So i exported everything we had to a csv file, wrote a java program to apply linefit with linear regression and filter out the bad records. After that i spent 2 days in a hot server room, hoping that the old intel xeon wouldnt break down from sending java outputs directly to haskell, but it held on its own.

Buses in Slovakia uses RPI 2 for they TVs apparently they don't manage it so good if they got Kernel panic.
The RPI loses power when bus turns off.
That's what you got bitches for shuting down RPI the dirty way(disconnecting the power source).

I recently interviewed for a job at company where I had 20 minutes to code a solution in python (whose standard library I know nothing about) to a question, which also included googling certain finance-related APIs, with not one but two technical interviewers looking over my shoulder THE ENTIRE TIME.

The newest *DD development trend: Panic Driven Development.

When your hexagonal domain driven serverless microservice architecture explodes in production and you don't know which one of the 50k components is failing.

WE'RE OUT OF COFFEE! :0

So I'm going to get married next june. I made an app for the guests where they have all information available, can send music wishes and can share images of the wedding with other guests.

Here is my story on publishing it in the App Store:

Me: "Hey Apple, I made a small app for my wedding. Mind putting it in your store?"
Apple: "Yeah, whatever" *publishes it*

One month later:
Me: "I made really small changes, please take this update."
Apple: "Ha no, its not interessting for enough people." *rejects it*

I panic, because the app is mentiont in the invites to the wedding which are already printed.

So one day later:
Me: "Ok ok, I added a button in the intro where people can send me a mail if they are interested in using the same app for their wedding."
Apple: "That changes everything! We will accept the update."

I'm happy, that they accepted it in the end, but really?!? There are so many shit apps in the store, why do you reject any not-fart app, because it is not interesting enough??? And why the fuck do you accept it in the first place?

When the coffee you had in the morning kicks in all at once.

Now my heartbeat is faster than my keystrokes

When you're talking on your phone and have a panic attack because you can't feel your phone in your trouser pockets...

Not everyone starts 2018 with a kernel panic...

Code a band.

40 hour work week with a physically demanding job, full time bachelor's student, and web dev on the side. I'm exhausted all the time. I find myself migrating to my bed. "I'll read this chapter in bed".

Next thing I know I've been passed out on my book for three hours. Panic. Repeat.

I am on holidays and because of devRant I found out about gitLab...
I am sweating and in panic but no one from work called me yet.
Then I realised, this is my first vacation without laptop and work phone in years.

I think I will get back to work 10 days from now and it will like: "Hey!! Can you sit and fix this? We've been waiting for 2 weeks"...

FUUUUUUU!!

!rant

Advice
[1] Don’t panic! All will become clear in time.
[2] You don’t have to know every detail of C++ to write good programs.
[3] Focus on programming techniques, not on language features.

just read in "A Tour of C++11" by Bjarne Stroustrup

It's not just true for C++, that's true for everything

About 2 months ago. My job fired half the dev staff including the only other web developer. I am a junior, and now the sole web developer. I have been yelled at for not working fast enough and not knowing the code base well enough. (I did a lot of Rails, and this is a Spring shop). I have daily panic attacks about coming to work and having to be here for 8 hours. I have never felt more abused. I'm constantly stressed, and drinking more than I should. All advice given to me has been "just stay there til you find something else or they fire you." but it feels like no one really knows how unhealthy this is for me. My one hope is that I didn't bomb this interview at a university. I fucking hate my job.

Kernel panic

A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.

Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”

“I have plenty of confidence in my students. Knowing them, I for a fact can assure you this piece of shit plane will never even start”

Source: r/jokes

Stupid bluemix console, build a translator web apps which processed by translator api services. When I pushed it, error occurred *panic begins*. Then I decided to create a default netcore template and push it. It worked. Push the former one again and it worked.

Stupid server honestly

>X gets corrupted somehow
>"sudo apt-get remove xorg"
>begins uninstalling millions of packages
>a fullscreen warning flashes by: "Are you SUUUUUURE you wanna remove the kernel?"
>wasn't prompted to deny
>After process, get kernel panic
>reboot
>kernel panic within 10 seconds

Why must you do this to me, Debian?

So we send a quote out to a client to update his website to make it compliant with the new privacy guidelines: SSL encryption, removing external libraries, removing Facebook Plug-ins, all that stuff. We didn't get a response.

On Monday, he called in a panic. "The website does not work, fix immediately!"

I check out the server, what do I see? An SSL cert installed the Friday before... Client decided to do it himself, on a Friday, without testing. He broke something, but cannot tell me exactly what he did.

And somehow he thinks all that is my fault :D

I just realized the most fucked up shit that leads me to wanna runaway from this job even more...

On the beginning (3 years ago) I used to be really thrilled , plan things really professionally, make models, uml, all the shit, try to fix things and everything you should expect from a great dev.

The problem is that in 3 years I had to "replan" so much things and so desperately quickly and have so many rework with such shitty projects that I kind of panic every time I have to plan something and I end up thinking I'm not capable of developing complex systems anymore.

All because these fucking managers that never make their mind, so my mind sees this:

"Fuck, 10 months for this shit that could have been done in 1 ? You suck dude."

Actually is management that sucks.
I've been doing some small projects on the side, just for the sake of it and boy, I'm rocking it.

My self esteem is coming back on tracks.

Fuck those fucker, they can die chocking on their own misery.

Cat schroedingers = Cats.getFromScientist("Schrödinger");
boolean lives = schroedingers.isLiving();

*runs code*
Kernel panic

Signed up for a coding contest that starts at 9am. I’m bad at timed code challenges, but I’ll never get better if I don’t push myself.

Woke up in a panic, thinking I’d overslept... 1.5 hours after falling asleep.

This is definitely not going to help matters. Thanks, brain.

One of my favorite things on vacation is to lazily read through work e-mails, spot threads where my opinion/decision is required, and completely ignore them as my boss spirals into utter panic.

The weird feeling you get when you ask a colleague what he recommends as unit testing framework for C# and his first response is: "What do you mean by 'unit testing'?"

And then suddenly our website loses all its icons, Slack chat errupts in panic and then we figure out that fontawesome itself has gone offline

What a wonderful world we live in

I have one! Once upon a time (about a year ago) my mom went online shopping on her own. Her husband was out of town and so she had no assistance. At about 10.30 pm she called me, freaking the fuck out that she entered her credit card details on a sketchy site and they charged her for more than she ordered. She was in hysterics, didn't know what to do. Superwoman to the rescue, I tell her to go and deactivate her card and jump on a train back home (she was crying on the phone she was so scared, couldn't just leave it until morning) fast forward an hour, I'm in my hometown, she picks me up and we head home to check out the situation, and... She had just received the email invoice twice. They hadn't charged her twice, just some email mishap made the email appear twice and she never thought to check her bank account before summoning me home 🙄😂 we laughed for a while and I got a home cooked meal so it's all good but Jesus christ mom. What would you honestly do without dad?

My bitch ass employer won't allow work from home saying unless government enforces it, he can't allow it and reason he is giving is that wE wOn't be AbLE tO communicAtE via SkyPE?
I am so pissed that such people. Everyone citizen has non serious attitude that they saying things like "Nothing gonna happen", "Chill, you are panic way to much about the Corona virus", while number of cases are increasing exponentially here too!
WTF,
I have realized that people don't understand something unless it happens to them.
This is shit.
As rational beings, we should be taking drastic measures while we can but NO!
Fuck You!

Woke up after a 2-3 hours nap at night just to have a career-panic and apply for all the jobs I'm overqualified for.

... Now I regret it.

😐

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

That amazing feel when you recover from a kernel panic! 😁

Not going to one because crowds give me panic attacks unless I've had a beer or ten

When You Write approx 1000 lines of code without save, and then kernal panic... I'm exhausted 😑

In 7 hours I have a meeting with the big Boss CEO our company the head of heads.... I have to present the development plan to save the company (about 9000 employees).... I can't sleep cause I hate to present in general.... I fuc%$# can't get a clear mind.... I'm dieing inside >..< and I really need to sleep
wish me luck

I was working on a site just moments ago and everything was fine. Then I move my laptop from my living room to my bedroom and on refreshing​ the page everything seems broken! Disorganized cards, and everything looks 10x bigger. I panic because I was supposed to deploy it on Thursday and I was just doing some final touches and angular has given me one hell of a time. I fucking rolled back all my commits to yesterday and cleared chromes chrome's cache....still nothing works. Then I realized there's a new button on my address tab and on clicking it is showed I had (accidentally) zoomed in by a fucking 175% when moving the laptop *facepalm*. On resetting it everything was ok. Now I have lost all of today's commits and my chrome cache. One box of tic-tacs down and I still can't overcome my rage... So I wrote this rant 😠😩😩
I need a stress ball😩😩

Two years ago, I developed an security app for Android as a school project. I didn't like teamwork at school (you know, you do all the work and everyone else is getting the same grade you receive, specially if you are the nerd of the class), actually I hated it, so I made it alone.

Its name was "Alex" and was a simple "panic button". You can configure two emergency emails and phone numbers (contacts only, not police) and, if you're in danger, you just have to press the button and the app is gonna send two messages/emails to your contacts: the first one, to tell where are you (GPS, only the name of the place) and that you're in problems. The second one with an audio/photo file of the situation.

Sounds like a great app, and I tested it few times. The reason I didn't continue with this is that I got my first job and I had not time, and that, tree or four months later, the government (of the city) launched a similar app. Less sophisticated, but I think it's still useful: "No estoy sola"(I'm not alone). I haven't tested it cause I don't trust on the authorities, I'd preffer to send my location to a friend through messenger app instead.

I don't know if I should re-work this app (I didn't released it, I just have the beta) or work on something else. I'm afraid that, if I release it, someone could die or get kidnapped because of a bug or something going wrong with the app :c What do you think?

Working on my Lenovo x1 carbon. Akku warning "less then 6%" appears. No problem, I will connect the cable just after I finished this function... "Will shutdown in a view moments" message appears. Ok, I connect the cable. Nothing happens. Maybe power adapter is broken or something more worst. Panic. Try to commit and push as fast as I can (around 2000 LOC from today, made big changes on my project today). While pushing to github laptop powers off. Fuck. Check github on smartphone to see if commits had been pushed. No. I do not have a power adapter for replacement. FML.

I don't mean to fear monger or cause panic BUT
I know somebody who knows somebody that uses 4 spaces instead of tab..

Dev deploys new CSS.

Client: I can't see the changes PANIC.

Dev: clear your cache!

Client: oh that's better. Now can we do that for all user?

Dev:😱

So I manage multiple VPS's (including multiple on a dedicated server) and I setup a few proxy servers last week. Ordered another one yesterday to run as VPN server and I thought like 'hey, let's disable password based login for security!'. So I disabled that but the key login didn't seem to work completely yet. I did see a 'console' icon/title in the control panel at the host's site and I've seen/used those before so I thought that as the other ones I've used before all provided a web based console, I'd be fine! So le me disabled password based login and indeed, the key based login did not work yet. No panic, let's go to the web interface and click the console button!
*clicks console button*
*New windows launches.....*

I thought I would get a console window.

Nope.

The window contained temporary login details for my VPS... guess what... YES, FUCKING PASSWORD BASED. AND WHO JUST DISABLED THE FUCKING PASSWORD BASED LOGIN!?!

WHO THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO IMPLEMENT THIS MOTHERFUCKING GOD?!?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Casually debugging some cuda code today. Something's not working so I add a breakpoint in the suspicious kernel. For some reason I set the display GPU as the active device from my code *GENIUS* ( I have two GPUs installed, one for compute, one for the monitors).

Starts cuda debugging... Control flow reached the kernel and eventually the breakpoint. Suddenly the whole system freezes. Mouse doesn't move, keyboard seems dead. I realize I have unsaved code on the open text editor😲 *panic*. Keyboard shortcut to stop debugging doesn't work *panic^2*. My colleague says I have to hard reset the machine *panic^3*. I don't remember the last time I saved *panic^4*.

I take a deep breath. I reset. *sidenote: WINDOWS DECIDED TO FUCKING UPDATE ON REBOOT* Once I login, 50% of my code was lost. I didn't save 😢

Fuck you Nvidia 😢

Always back up your data.

I came to my computer earlier today to find it on my Linux login screen. This could only mean one thing: something went horribly wrong.

Let me explain.

I have my BIOS set up to boot into Windows automatically. The exception is a reboot or something horrible happens and the computer crashes. Then, it boots me into Linux. Due to a hardware issue I never looked into, I have to be present to push F1 to allow the computer to start. The fact that it rebooted successfully, without me present, into *Linux*, could only mean one thing:

My primary hard drive died and was no longer bootable.

The warning was the BIOS telling me the drive was likely to fail ("Device Error" doesn't really tell me anything to be fair).

The massive wave of panic hit me.

I rebooted in hopes of reviving the drive. No dice.

I rebooted again. The drive appeared.

Let's see how much data I can recover from it before I can no longer mount it. Hopefully, I can come out of this relatively unscathed.

The drive in question is a 10 year old 1.5 TB Seagate drive that came with the computer. It served me well.

Press F to pay respects I guess.

On the bright side, I'll be getting an SSD as a replacement (probably a Samsung EVO).

I am a firmware developer with 4 years experience. C and sometimes assembly is my bread and butter.

Like 2 years ago, I was really interested to make a switch to application development. Got referred by my friend to her startup.

But I was a bit rusty with my data structures, high level languages and interpersonal skills.

The first question was to find the number of occurences for each word in a paragraph. The language choice was Java. But I was allowed to use C++ since it was the closest relative to Java that I knew.

And I started implementing a binary search tree from scratch and started inserting each tokenised word into it, wrote a traversal algorithm.

The interviewer, luckily, was a patient guy. After I completed my whole mess, he asked is it possible to do this in a slightly better way with constant time access without traversal.

I said yes, we can with a hash table but I dont know how to implement one. He replied I dont expect you to implement the hash table but see you use it. I asked him if I am allowed to used the standard library, for which he said ofcourse.

*facepalm*.

Finally I understood his expectation, referred cppreference.com and used an unordered_map.

Later there were some quesion on databases for which I tried my best to answer. And I frankly replied that I am not comfortable with JS frameworks as of now. Got rejected.

So the mistake is I never asked basic questions like what is the time complexity expects, if I was allowed to use standard library, didnt spend some extra time on studying stuffs needed for the domain switch and most importantly I panicked.

So, packing up and leaving this hell hole.

In the end I just said that I had 2 panic attacks in the last week, and that I am leaving for medical reasons.

Sometimes the pebkac is so strong it continues to amaze me.

Step 1: customer updates pos software
Step 2: customer is presented a perfectly reasonable UAC screen with yes/no choice
Step 3: customer panics and takes no further action
Step 4: a few hours later the first customer enters the store and more panic ensues as the update is still waiting on the uac
Step 5: the customer calls us in panic and acuses us of writing shut incomprehensible software

Wish this was an once in a year exception, untill we wrote a bypass for the whole uac crap this was a daily occurance.

Kernel panic!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

->buying fake arduino from ebay.
->have to install separate drivers, because the manufacturer uses a cheap usb to serial chip.
-> driver page is all in chineese, only the download button is in english
-> installed the driver(at this point there was no going back)
-> rebooted
-> instand kereal panic
-> fuck_me.png

Found out today my boss told the team lead to put an unfinished part of the software that I'm developing into production so the clients 'could look at it already'. Team lead claims he objected but boss insisted. So now our error logs are filling up with lines every time it silently fails, and the pressure is on even harder to make it work asap. This has been going since the start of the week and I found out about it now. Boss told team lead it looks better to the clients this way. Meanwhile I'm just thanking the heavens this at least couldn't cause data loss. Probably. *panic intensifies*

you know when you lose something really important to you, and you destroy your whole house looking for it and still cant find it? and you have a massive panic attack and pass out? and you get violent while looking for it? and you are looking for it for a month an a half? and it turns out it was right in front of you the ENTIRE time? well that happened to me. the most interesting element in my collection. part of my most prized possesion. my tube of gallium. i lost it on febuary 19. i found it today. it was under a pillow. a fucking pillow. that was on a bench. that i have sat on multiple times over the past month. that my cat has used as a launch pad to get up on the top counter. it was right in front of me the ENTIRE fucking time. i literally passed out while i was having a massive panic attack the wednesday after i lost it. i was so stressed out i broke out in hives. it was the first time i ever passed out. and my whole house was a fucking mess while i looked for it. my god i am so mad at myself.

Man, what a way to start the week. Our mailserver went nuts (something about a Shellbot virus, I don't know) and we were forced to migrate to a new one. Clients calling in panic and threatening to sue us and shit. I was the one tasked to fix the problem (I am a developer mind you, my sysadmin knowledge is limited to google searching and contacting support). At the same time, Turkish hackers attacked our other server and forced me to fetch backups and clear spamming scripts. And to top it all, I was forced to answer the phone calls and respond to the threats. Man, I must have been a complete prick in my previous lifetime to deserve this.

3AM manual GRUB fixing is great.

boot-repair? Hangs.

update-grub? Kernel panic (how???)

fml

Swear to god, I'm worse than a cat.. my fascination & curiosity will get me killed someday.. o.O

12:19 - Magnitude 6,4 earthquake 3 km from Petrinja, Croatia..

Felt it in Ljubljana..and my stupid ass was fascinated.. :/

Yup, you read it right, not scared or whatever the hell should people feel when earthquake happens..just fascinated..and curios...and in full analysis mode..

Oh tremors?! Yup, something's definitely shaking.. Eartquake? Yup, earthquake! Woow, huge earthquake.. Where is epicenter?! Also long one.. nice, never felt it like this before.. hm.. x, should we go out? How?! I know an elevator is a no go, stairs also do not look promising..better stay in I guess.. hm..still going...feels weird.. Ok, look for shelter I guess.. wow..that's a long one.. ok, doorways should be safe-ish?! Where's x? He went silent..go check up on x.. x is fine, he's not stupid like me, and unlike me also has preservation instinct to not stand under the doorway that has glass components in it.. DumbAss.. Shaking stops... Well that was weird..also I didn't have time to analyze everything..or record it! Stoopid! How did I not think of this before?! Recording would be awesome!! shame..

I know panic doesn't help anyone, but FFS, sometimes I do wish my head would panic at least for a second instead of trying to analyze everything..

I mean, WTF is wrong with me?! Most people would be scared, I just estimated that it's not that dangerous for us and no use/not smart to try to go out of the building so I just took shelter (not a good one, I know now for next time?! o.O what next time?!idiot!!) and started observing.. DumbAss.. :/

When the project's due today and your code is still a pile of shit.

Been sick since Wednesday with a heavy feeling of dizziness and vertigo (BPPV). Basically I got sick in the week I intentionally planned nothing to tackle my workload and get some stuff done, but I was physically unable to work on it until now.

Meeting is on Monday.

Also preorder my new book on O'Reilly, much appreciated.

(No, I am not panicking, pls send help)

GITHUB IS DOWN! RING THE ALARUMS!

I've been sitting and staring at my code for two hours.
Actual work done - nil
This has been going on since three days now.
Tying not to panic. It has happened before. This phase should end in the next couple of days....
Don't panic please.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight...

That feeling when lead dev hid a couple of really secret bugs for you, and then left for vacation... *cough* @BinaryProvider 😉

Sort of !dev

I can't do school anymore. I get so many panic attacks. I was shaking the entire time I was writing my essay today. It's hard to focus when your brain is fucking freaking out. I'm missing deadlines, failing tests left and right.

Real talk, I'm not dumb. This was never a problem. My University fucked me up and now I can't even look at an assignment without an electric feeling and I don't know what to do.

I had a panic attack during the opening crawl of Star Wars. I had to leave the theater. My anxiety is going to give me a heart attack one of these times. I'm 18, why am I experiencing health issues like this?

School isn't done right. How could this be the intended effect?

In my day off I was eager to try overclocking in my pc and this is how it went:

- Fucked up overclocking parameters for cpu and ram speed.

- BIOS is broken, had to take out gpu to do a reset taking out the bios battery.

- BIOS is up again, default values loaded, bla bla

- Did not try to fuck off anymoar with overclocking, just kept playing star wars and went to sleep safe and sound like a baby.

- Gotta work now. docker does not start, closes itself after tried to start, docker panic, I panic, tried to uninstall, tried to update. nothing works

- Then I remember bios default values leaves virtualization off. enables it again, docker still not working. I panic again, restarted pc like 10 times between disabling/enabling hyper-v in windows.

- Docker dies. not gonna change my overclock options again. silly me 🤦‍♂️

- booting Linux
- starting Clonezilla
- kernel panic after some time
- WTF, this used to work
- look at sensor values
- CPU is really hot
- CPU fan doesn't work
- BIOS warning disabled because the lowest regular fan level is 0 RPM

Luckily, I still had some cheap 120mm fan which is a bit louder, but works. What's astonishing is that in normal operation, i.e. without full load, the case fans alone provided enough air stream for the CPU cooler.

Don't panic and break up your big problem into smaller problems and solve them in a logical cadence.

Also, when you go home at night...turn off man. If you take your work home with you, you will go mental.

Hey all, this is my first post here, and this rant is mostly towards myself. I did a stupid.

I wanted to make a new cool game for a gamejam. I've had this idea of making an 3D RPG (you probably can see where this is going) so I thought I would continue on it during the jam, trying to make as much stuff as possible.

When I started, I realized that it's too much work to get anything cool done during the jam, so I ditched the idea and began to planning on a roguelike. It didn't really feel like my thing, so I passed that too. The mistake here was that I barely tried.

Then I was thinking of making a 2D RPG and started planning on it. I was an idiot and bought a 20e asset for it.. Then I realized that it would take too much time, too, and I had wasted money. Ugh.

Cue panic, where I go through all three ideas, devoting a lot of time into each one of them, then moving to the next, then I panic more. I was an idiot, very tired idiot.

Then I remembered the magic words: "Keep the scope small!" and decided that I will make that roguelike game. I delved more into it, found a python+libtcod tutorial for it and began reading and coding.

If I had realised that earlier, I would have done good progress on that roguelike, but instead I wasted time and money on something unachievable.. Well, I learned that I should always start small. It cost me multiple headaches, money and all around bad feels.

So don't do the same mistakes as I did. Just keep the scope small.

Hopefully this was a good first post, haha. And sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language. Thanks for reading!

PS. I've been working on that roguelike a lot lately and I'm having so much fun. After this is done, I'll make something with that asset I bought so the money won't go totally wasted.

Holy shit, today I was the first person to arrive at work... And then the alarm came on... I didn't knew the code 😅 sooooo a panic phone call later, I turned it off but holy Shit... I've never had this rush this early of the day

Anxiety sucks.
Clonazepam sucks.
Insomnia sucks.

Maybe coding would be fun again if I just got out of this neurotic rut.🙄

And..... it’s Monday now....

New user here. Are you guys all cool? I keep having a panic attack every time someone comments. PTSD from hackernews...

Woo crunch time! The 3 panic attacks a day, no sleep, massive guilt complex, caffiene addiction, lack of seeing my wife, phone breaking(calling doesn't work), lawn needing mowing, upper management bothering all of my team, more guilt, more panic, inferiority complex, theory that coworkers think I am slacking, and technology just not working because the machine spirit decided I pissed it off is starting to get to me a little.

Last week, I accidentally created a group chat with all the project members included. I saw it, pretended not to see it, stopped going online for days, and just let them figure out what happened. Just forget me, please.

After that, my brain kept torturing me with scenarios where I'll send something "odd". Today, I sent this message to a guy and even though I'm using my phone, a different app, and saw his texts in the evening, my morning brain decides to panic that what if I sent this during my semi-awake moment and actually sent it from my work laptop in the project group chat?

I never use my work laptop for personal shit but my brain is my brain, it sure loves to drive me insane. Now it says, "But what if?"

Boss only likes stuff he can see and that looks pretty. Doesn't understand code, servers, containers, DBs, etc. Praise is attributed by something looking nice in the frontend, whether or not it does crazy stuff behind the scenes.

Spent a week working on a project whilst boss was away. Got to about Thursday and thought, oh poop, I've built all this API stuff, but not much frontend. So I panic built frontend screens with no functionality just so I had something to show.

Wish I had another dev to share backend progress with (and code review)...

I love my Linux =D
P.S. The fun part is that I fixed that kernel panic eventually

UPDATE on production. Forgot the WHERE... bugger... Panic time!

In 9 months time there is going to be an enormous worldwide baby boom, which will cause panic buying, shortages, and mass maturnity /paternity leave.

And the new generation will be called the coronials.

Does anyone else get crippling fear anytime your boss wants a 1 on 1 meeting?

I always assume I'm getting fired and panic over it..even though so far that's never happened.

!rant

Me and my bestfriend joined a hackathon way back since we were in college. The task was to fetch JSON data from a REST APIs then we were given a sample link so we can compare the output between the expected output with our own. But the response from the actual API is not in JSON format, it's a string so we need to do dozens of string manipulation to match the expected output.

To submit our work we are given our own subdomain to upload our work and setup the environment and the URL will be submitted. We know how to complete the challenge but the time is running out and we were in panic mode so my friend mistakenly submitted the URL used to compare the output. We already expected to fail the challenge but what the fuck, we got a perfect score and won the challenge.

Not quite a rant... more of a question.

So, I'm almost 40 years old. I have a lot of work experience in varying fields, much of it in low-level management.

Truth is I've ALWAYS wanted to be a programmer.

I recently got into a somewhat competitive training program
where I'm learning to write Java, and will subsequently learn Android development. It's fairly in-depth, so it will take 10 moths to complete. My ultimate goal it's to work as a mobile dev at a great company, making products people love. Ambitious, I know.

My question is: Am I a fool for attempting to get into this field at this age? I'm starting to panic a little. I'm not sure if I'm wasting my time, or if 40 is too old to be the "newbie".

Thoughts?

I panic like I'm fucking drowning when going through git merge conflicts via command line

when a client asks for FTP access and you don't know whether to cry or panic....

I just wanted to get this off my chest.
There we go, that time is finally coming: all of my friends are starting to look for jobs; we are all about to graduate, but i feel no desire to move forward... I wish i had their optimism, but all i feel is terror and panic every time they bring up the topic...

I have no plan, no idea of what might happen, and i don't feel like i am particularly competent in anything: I do not have much to offer to society, surely not in terms of technical skills: i'm a real shitty programmer with the attention span of a goldfish.
I am passionate about a bunch of topics, but i am not competent at them in any meaningful way: I like reading about x86 Assembly or Operating System design, but if you'd ask me to write them i wouldn't be able to really. Its all superficial, i read these things for fun but i never really accomplished anything.

And i know this is all in my head, that as soon as i find anything its probably gonna be fine, i just wish i had the enthusiasm and drive that people around me seem to have, instead of acting like a little bitch :)

Can U decode this secrate message?!
(Too easy don't panic!)

ehiiHGdDByDy4wfm8zNyYVCllF0vkKqqBLGXZ/cZyn/7xo2KfD8/qDsMJm3IK3oE

Massive panic attack much?

Does noone RTFM these days?

Last night I had a panic attack and woke up in cold sweats because in the dream I had I was constantly using the wrong variables in the wrong places...

Last night by accident I put my phone on coconut paste. (don't ask.)

Although it doesn't show signs of damage, and hopefully it hasn't been damaged, my heart is still not at rest. I had enough panic for one year.

But why does this keep happening to me with tech stuff accidents? Whyyyyyyy?

I remember
I did this 1 command which i didnt understood properly
But all i can say is it "apt remove" this 1 package

Suddenly i am watching my every distro related package getting purged

And simultaneously my chrome stopped working , i can no longer open nautilus or even a folder
Terminal is dead
Desktop things are changing rapidly
And.. i finally thought oh well i needed to change my flavour anyways xD
That was how i met my first kernal panic

My boss told me(less than a year experience) I am the project lead now.... Makes me nervous that 10 minutes ago I was comment bitch/business analyst..... How much should I panic? He was serious and I command 20 people who have never used git

A primary investor in the company I work for drops by every few days and always smokes cigars in the coffee room and shuts the door..

My coffee and his cigar routines have never collided before today, I'm now trying to figure out the lowest impact server or utility I can shutdown that will cause enough panic to get him out.

Got my first kernel panic after shifting to Linux. This will be interesting 😎

i nearly had a panic attack when 3 tables contaning transactions shows empty,. then i reconnected dbeaver and it turns out it was fine,. damn my shitty internet!

*Have idea.

*Start thinking about it.

*Start seriously thinking about it.

*Push yourself to do it.

*Have a mini unconscious panic attack that tells you you're gonna fail.

*Do something else completely unrelated to what you wanted to do.

*Feel good about the meaningless shit you just achieved.

*Recognize you're procrastinating.

*Try to stop.

*You can't cause you're stupid and lack the control and discipline to trick your own mind.

*Watch video about how to overcome procrastination.

*Get a more firmer understanding of it.

*Realize you're a helpless piece of shit.

*Cry till dead inside.

*Resume daily mindless shit.

Less stress.. No panic.. And yea.. Beer. Drink beer if you're really stressed... Helps me out everytime..
By the way I am drinking beer as I write this..

So last week I really fucked up

I had this new implementation that was supposedly to be integrating smoothly into the rest of the service. It depended on a serialized model made by a data scientist. I test it in local, in QA environment: no problem.

So, Friday, 4pm, I decide to deploy to production. I check once from the app: the service throw an error. Panic attack, my chief is at my desk, we triy to understand what went wrong. I make calls with cUrls: no problem. Everything seems fine. I recheck from the app again: no problem.
We dedice to let it in prod, as the feature work. I go get some beers with the guys, to celebrate the deploy.

Fast-forward the next morning, 11am, my phone ring: it's a colleague of my chief. "Please check Slack, a client is trying to use the feature, it's broken"

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

Panic attack again. I go to the computer, check the errors: two types of errors. One I can fix, the other from a missing package on the machine that the data guy used.

Needless to say, I had a fairly good weekend.

Lessons learned:
- make sure Dev, QA and Prod are exactly the same (use Ansible or Container)
- never deploy on a Friday afternoon if you don't have a quick way to revert

When your company lays off an architect responsible for building a dozen very important components, and then everyone is left in a panic trying to figure out how to fulfill support requests / bug fixes in a timely manner 😑

When I corrupted the keystore for my production android app apk. Oh the panic! I ended up uploading it again and telling the users to download the new app.

Almost burnout story? What about right now...

Customer was really positive about the new site we are creating for them then, out of the blue panic, they complain about features (calculations) which aren't implemented yet (they didn't provide any information for the calculation until 1 week ago.) And they complain that the site does not has any content

THAT IS RIGHT YOU DUMB FUCKS...
I can't magically create content for YOUR site...

Cry and panic because they don't know the required technology to complete the task.

(We all go through this. Some people just cannot contain their emotions though).

The panic when there are only two competent programmers in the scrum team, and PM says he is moving one to another team.

Howto make people panic in 2019.

Switch off the router.

What's the best scrum team name that you've heard?

My favorite is "Colonel Panic" (Kernel panic)

Spent about six hours writing tests and coding a user log in system for a Rails app last night. Finally finished at around 2:00am. Commited, pushed and merged, then called it a night.

Woke up today and Postgres is refusing to play nice. Spent twenty mins or so fixing that and then ran rspec.... Two thirds of my tests are missing - everything I wrote last night. I check my code and sure enough, they aren't there.

Wild panic ensues for a solid 5 mins before I realise I didn't actually pull the updated master branch after deleting my feature branch last night.

Now I feel like an idiot, but a relieved one.

So ... I'm just watching an anime (Musaigen no Phantom World) ... and this scene isn't related to the main plot. This is the intro of the third episode - the intros of the first two episodes were about the "phantoms", "illusions" ... :)

It starts with a blue screen and the little fairy (it's a phantom btw) said: "When the PC goes crazy, you panic quickly."

In the screenshot he says: "It is important to back up your data somewhere in case of an emergency."

A second screenshot is added in the comments.

So I installed the JACK audio connection kit on my Linux box, set up drivers, configured routings properly, etc etc.

Tried playing basic sounds. No output. Panic.

Redid configuration, tried again. No output. Panic++

Reinstalled JACK, tried again. No output. Panic++

Reinstalled drivers and checked ALSA (audio subsystem). All good. Tried again. No output. Panic++

Hit the Mute shortcut on my keyboard to unmute my speakers, tried again. Worked. :facepalm:

I am such an idiot, fml.

When fixing high CPU load and unresponsive servers is a simple restart. Ugh...

On a doomed project. Nobody seems to know what anyone was suppose to have done last week, or the plan for this week.

I've warned them more times than I can count.

I could help, but I'll just sit here with my feet up, eating a snickers and watch them panic

Whoops.

At least it tried to boot.

Everybody relax! False alarm! The website wasn't down, I was still connected to the VPN.

Fucking panic!
First thing I see when I wake up today is an email from my colleague. It says we've lost a hell of a lot of user uploaded files in ALPHABETICAL ORDER. Also, it happened TUESDAY NIGHT.

This will be fun...

And then, the world collapsed

First rant! I hate being OnCall. I'm just out of college, give me some time to ramp up without these panic attacks.

I'm freaked out like I have never been freaked out before. My pinky finger (don't know what the actual name for it is) started to get itchy about two days ago and steadily got worse and now it's gotten to the point that it's almost numb and vibrates constantly. I guess it's because I use my laptop's keyboard and repeatedly use Shift or Ctrl keys. Anyways just wanted to share my panicky day with you all and wish you healthy fingers.

P.S. I ordered an ergonomic keyboard just today but still, you know how much we need our fingers, I have the right to panic here!

Fuck fuck fuck! Vps doesn't boot after kernel update and has kernel panic..... Fml

Today I went to a computer store,
I ran dir /s C:\ ( "ls -r /" equivalent for Linux, sorry GNU/Linux)
left it there
Hoping someone will panic thinking that computer has been hacked

Tldr: fucked up windows boot sector somehow, saved 4 months worth of bachelor thesis code, never hold back git push for so long!

Holy jesus, I just saved my ass and 4 months of hard work...
I recently cloned one of my SSDs to a bigger one and formatted the smaller one, once I saw it went fine. I then (maybe?) sinned by attaching an internal hdd to the system while powered on and detached, thinking "oh well, I might have just done smth stupid". Restart the system: Windows boot error. FUCK! Only option was to start a recovery usb. Some googling and I figured I had to repair the boot section. Try the boot repair in the provided cmd. Access denied! Shit! Why? Google again and find a fix. Some weird volume renaming and other weird commands. Commands don't work. What is it now? Boot files are not found. What do I do now? At this point I thought about a clean install of Windows. Then I remembered that I hadn't pushed my code changes to GitHub for roughly 4 months. My bachelor thesis code. I started panicking. I couldn't even find the files with the cmd. I panicked even more. I looked again at the tutorials, carefully. Tried out some commands and variations for the partition volumes, since there wasn't much I could do wrong. Suddenly the commands succeeded, but not all of them? I almost lost hope as I seemed to progress not as much as I hoped for. I thought, what the hell, let's restart and see anyway. Worst case I'll have to remember all my code😅🤦.
Who would have thought that exactly this time it would boot up normally?

First thing I immediately did: GIT PUSH --ALL ! Never ever hold back code for so long!
Thanks for reading till the end! 👌😅

I was working on a new feature for this legacy project.. Just minding my own buisness then all out of the blue I got an email from our client (before the email I exported the live database because I needed to reproduce a weird bug) saying the sync stopped working
<backstory>
The database needs to sync every 15 minutes because it has a master-master relationship with a 3rd party database..
</backstory>
So I was like shiiit! Did I do that!? So I checked the logs, nothing... I called the 3rd part to check if they have problems, nothing.. Then I checked the network logs... Again all fine... 30 nervous minutes later, I got a new mail... Saying it finally synced... Still have no clue what happened or if it ever was a problem... God damn clients man...

Today was:
30% setting u partitions for arch
20% fixing typos that caused some kernel panic
20% trying to find a good resource for Squid
20% Giving up and reading the docs
10% choosing alcohol

I just wanna work on my personal projects which give me a valid excuse to look at smuggy anime girls

When you start your day with a kernel panic.

When you're panic attacks stop Midway as you realise you don't have the time to deal with that shit you know you need a break

It had been too long that I had a nightmare that I wished I never had. I had one this early morning.

I was in a foreign metropolitan city with public transport trains, skyscrapers and everything. I had no phone, no cash, no card. I could have asked help from the people I see on the street but in the dream I missed that notion. I was fine for first few hours (dream time) walking along just by myself and gradually the panic mood sunk in. I was alone with no help right in the middle of broad day light among people at a busy city.

Now that I have written it down, it doesn't sound that scary at all. There was no ghost nor paranormal activity involved, no accident, no scary height, no fire, no drowning, nothing really scary at all.

I was totally scared shitless in that dream though.

Working hard to meet crazy deadline to finish last update before new product announcement to make it look better. Our CEO blabs about new top secret product at some conference throwing away all marketing efforts up to date and putting marketing team into panic mode. Result? They moved the announcement date without discussing it with development. Result? Our efforts and overtimes wasted and we are announcing product before it is ready. End result? I'm pissed so I wrote angry e-mail to our CEO. Wondering what will happen now :-) But with unfinished announced product and crazy deadlines they need me a lot more than I need them.

Third fucking kernel panic today and the nvidia drivers are still not working

>Discovers a new low level profiling tool that could help us at work with stuck process debugging and gets all hyped
>Installs on test machine, tool doesn't work
>Wonders why. Oh. Needs a kernel module to work, compiled and loaded
>"Well, its my test machine... Guess that's no problem..." but... my hype died down a bit. Kernel module installation just for a new tool that aggregates all other commonly used tools? eh... Maybe it will blow me out of my shoes still

>Installs and loads the module
>Tool works. Turns out its just a htop-like tool, with shortcuts to launch specific other profiling tools like strace/ltrace/lsof/netstat/ss etc...
"Oh... That's boring. Maybe it has all those tools built in at least?"
>Tries to run ltrace - tool exits as ltrace is not installed

Lol
>Installs ltrace and launches tool again. Tries to ltrace a process and
>Nothing. Nothing happens. For seconds... Then kicks me off of SSH
WTF?
>Tries to ping machine... silence
Did... our net go down again? (Having issues due to a storm going over our area these few days)
>Pings google and... gets instant reply
More wtf
>Pings the hypervisor the machine was running on
Works like normal

Oh... Oh no. Please tell me it didn't!
>Logs into the hypervisor UI, checks machine state
Running OK
>Opens machine console aaaaand... Yep. Stacktrace as well as a lot of kernel mumbo-jumbo... It took the machine down to kernel panic.

I never went so quick from "We need this tool deployed everywhere" to "Omg I need to get rid of this crap as soon as possible" lol.

And just for those wondering, it was sysdig.

.titanic {
float: none;
}

Linux.
I love you and hate you at the same time. If something breaks with the boot sequence, usually it involves using a live USB to fix the existing installation, which I directly did once I got a kernel panic.

Checked out the hard disk uuids (I was partitioning), tried chrooting but couldn't get further. Then, I booted again into the faulty Linux installation and the frikkin page said I had to run fsck on my harddrive manually. Did that in the handy provided terminal and guess what, it boots again.

Linux, you can't help people who assume issues, like me. I still like you though

When you finally began to trust Google Maps and suddenly GPS losts...

Today I submitted my code without making sure it doesn't have any bugs because I was running out of time. Fuck.

Let's hope I'm brilliant and this works out.

tfw 256MB isn't enough RAM to load a zImage from SD, decompress it elsewhere, then boot Linux on a 3DS. OOM panic when trying to init a null wlan driver.

so close yet so very fucking far

Helping a client to update their 5 years old payment system to support the new mobile PayPal library via Braintree.

Found out you need to install a server SDK that requires PHP 5.4.

Installed and then realised the server is still on PHP 5.3 (CentOS 6).

Panic.

Told my client that they require a new server just so that I don’t need to manage the PHP 5.3 to 5.4 update on their live server and I can install Node to use the Braintree NodeJS SDK 😇.
Feels like heaven.

I know this is selfish, but this whole COVID-19 thing is driving me insane. The virus and quarantine I don't mind too much. What gets me is the number of people I see every single day having legit panic attacks because they can't buy "x" right now and it's the end of the world. I can't stand people who are literally in tears because they have to take an extra day off of work each week because of the state of the economy. I've been virtually unemployed for two years (not for lack of trying) and borderline homeless for six months. Grow up. You have a Lexus, a Range Rover, and a four bedroom house for you and your partner.

What are the chances that you get busted by your manager and 3 team leaders you personally know when you are going to a job interview?

We have poor men’s silicon valley near universities. Our company’s one office moves to another university. By the one in a million luck, interview takes at the same building where our next office of my current company will be. Managers and team leaders are there to inspect the new office. I enter the building, see them near elevator. One of them see me, with panic i wave my hand to him. There is a distance of ten meters, I hide behind a column. The team leader who sees me waving thinks I am with them to inspect new office. He asks others why am I not coming with them as I learn later. I can not pretend to play along and catch up with them, due to panic and time of interview is soon already. They get into elevator and finally I dont have to hide anymore 😂.

I got into interview and c++ exam with that physcology. Little did they knew that I just completed CPP PRIMER book. I both rock interview and exam but lets see if they will return with a job offer. What a rollercoaster of emotions.
Note: I am on mobile now so can not give more juicy details for now, fingers are tired.

Fb goes down, I wonder how frustrated they would be.

Was running a script to create ~50 config tables for a project. Didn't check the connection on the window in SSMS. Ran the script against the production payroll db. Panic ensued.

In This Rant: A mildly satisfying piece of mind story.

Using code to prove yourself right is a hell of a drug.

A few weeks ago I whipped up a tiny program that downloads configs from hardware we manage. Since the vendor's API documentation is hidden behind a pay wall, my method of extraction is different. It results in bigger files, but testing showed it to still be valid.

Enter today. Interns at work downloaded a config to load onto a spare machine and it won't work.

"TheCapeGreek, your configs don't work"

I was confused since I tested the files when I built it and it worked. I am also currently fleshing out that download utility's features so the fear that I've been wasting the past 2 weeks on improvements is looming.

Last 15 minutes of the day and nothing else to do so I figured I might as well whip up a string comparer. The smaller file's content is scattered in the big file so a direct diff won't work.

Code it all, quick hardcoded proof of concept code, bit it got the job done. I was right, my bigger file is still correct!

Turns out the issue was with the machine they were configuring. They found this out before I finished my test code, so I'm off the hook already, but it was good to have piece of mind haha!

When project managers are panicking and you know you are really so close from done, a few fixes and everything will fall into place. But manager is on your neck because "nothing is working" now you must take time to be their psychologist instead of working on what is actually making them panic 🙃 development is a rough space. One bug can stand in front of working products just like that

I really wanna say, please fuck off for a few hours. Thanks bye.

So, the Network I was on was blocking every single VPN site that I could find so I could not download proton onto my computer without using some sketchy third-party site, so, being left with no options and a tiny phone data plan, I used the one possible remaining option, an online Android emulator. In the emulator running at like 180p I once again navigated to proton VPN, downloaded the windows version, and uploaded it to Firefox send. Opened send on my computer, downloaded the file, installed it, and realized my error, I need access to the VPN site to log in.

In a panic, I went to my phone ready to use what little was left of data plan for security, and was met with no signal indoors. Fuck. New plan. I found a Xfinity wifi thing, and although connecting to a public network freaked me out, I desided to go for it because fuck it. I selected the one hour free pass, logged in, and it said I already used it, what? When?, So I created a new account, logged in, logged into proton, and disconnected, and finally, I was safe.

Fuck the wifi provider for discouraging a right to a private internet and fuck the owner for allowing it. I realize how bad it was to enter my proton account over Xfinity wifi, but I was desperate and desperate times call for desperate means. I have now changed my password and have 2fa enabled.

Are the hackathon groups for people with debilitating social anxiety?

Asking for a friend.

The coffee/food room on my floor is absurd.

On day, the Keurig machines, microwave oven and convection oven all disappeared. Turns out they were owned by some employees and when they moved to an other floor they took their stuff with them.

In the caffeine-deprived panic that ensued, a bunch of other employees pooled together some money and went across the street to purchase new applicances.

They now charge us 5¢ for each packet of sugar or milk/cream cup. And they announced it with a passive-aggressive poster with an angry dog on it.

That moment of panic when you think you have done nothing all day before you remember that you integrated 2 libraries AND contributed back with a PR of feature enhancements. Today was a good day!

How to conduct yourself in a job interview
Simple test"Write a for loop".
First, write some nonsense bullshit for twenty minutes. Then, when you realize time is up, pass to the next question. After write more nonsense bullshit in SQL and jQuery, it's time to breath fast and panic.
Deliver your exam.
Pack your stuff and go to a cave where nobody ever will find you, cry the next three years and commit to a life of self punishment, shame and tears.
That's how you nail a job interview, suckers.

3 weeks after the GDPR panic I tought there would be no more annoying mails and stuff. But then I had an appointment at the dentist.

"Hi, I have an appointment"
"Wait a minute. We updated our privacy policy. Did you already signed it?"

I cannot wait for the fireworks to stop. People are loud enough with their partying, and at least shitty music and loud talking doesn't set off my panic and anxiety.

All I want to do is program, not vomit my guts out from anxiety.

Worst prod scenario experienced - on site in small African country working on CRM/billing system my colleague was testing some new SQL and after finishing decided to drop and recreate the DB. She thinks the process is very slow and suddenly realizes she is dropping the prod DB. In a panic she shuts down the system and starts doing a restore from tape, but is so stressed out she writes "tar cv" instead of "tar xv" and overwrites the backup with the broken DB. Took a while to clean that one up...

Panic. 😟

I received two emails today inviting me for video call interviews at two companies I applied to.

I am supposed to select a date for this week or next week, but our office resumes work on Monday, the 7th.

I only have tomorrow and the day after (3rd and 4th) left for this week. I need time to prepare, so I am thinking of booking one for 4th and one for next week.

BUT

I am trying not to start the year by skipping work. I already skipped work in December because of a brief illness (lol).

I am thinking, if I go to work on that day, I might get summoned into a meeting and miss my interview. So, I have concluded that I will have to skip work on that day, but now I can't think of excuses.

Ideas? 🤔

"Do you actually understand what you are typing??"
What's your best saracastic answer to a non programmer asking this?
I find it so absurd I kernel panic.

I need a good programming game for Android, and I need it now! (Stuck at a party)