What it's like to be a network engineer...translated into normal people speak

User: I think we are having a major road issue.

Me: What? No, I just checked, the roads are fine. I was actually just on the roads.

User: No, I’m pretty sure the roads are down because I’m not getting pizzas.

Me: Everything else on the roads is fine. What do you mean you aren’t getting pizzas?

User: I used to get pizzas when I ordered them, now I’m not getting them. It has to be a road issue.

Me: As I said, the roads are fine. Where are you getting pizzas from?

User: I’m not really sure. Can you check all places that deliver pizzas?

Me: No I don’t even know all the places that deliver pizza. You need to narrow it down.

User: I think it is Subway.

Me: Okay, I’ll check…No, I just looked and Subway doesn't deliver pizzas.

User: I’m pretty sure it is Subway. Can you just allow all food from Subway and we can see if pizza shows up?

Me: Sigh, fine I’ve allowed all food from Subway, but I don’t think that is the issue.

User: Yeah I’m still not getting pizza. Can you check the roads?

Me: It’s not the roads, the roads are fine. I’m pretty sure Subway isn’t the place.

User: Okay, I found it. It’s Papa Johns.

Me: Okay, I looked and Papa Johns does deliver pizza. Is it the local Papa Johns or one in a different town?

User: I don’t know. Can you allow pizza from all Papa Johns to me?

Me: No I can’t do that. Can you get me an address for Papa Johns?

User: No, I only know it as Papa Johns. Can you get me all the addresses of all Papa Johns and I’ll tell you if one of them is correct?

Me: No, I don’t have time for that. Okay, I looked at the local one and it looks like they have sent you pizza in the past and they are currently allowed to send you pizzas. Try ordering a pizza while I watch.

User: Yeah still no pizza. I’m guessing they are getting blocked at the freeway. Can you check the freeway to make sure they can get through?

Me: No, this is a local delivery. They aren't even using the freeway.

User: Okay, well then it has to be a road issue.

Me: No, the roads are fine. Okay, I just drove from the Papa Johns to the address they have on file for you and there is nothing there.

User: Hmm, wait we did move recently.

Me: Did you give your new address to Papa Johns?

User: No, I just thought they would be able to look me up by name.

Me: No they need your new address. What’s your new address?

User: I’m not really sure. Can you look it up?

Me: Sigh, give me a second…Okay, I found your address and gave it to Papa Johns. Try ordering a pizza now.

User: HEY! PIZZA JUST SHOWED UP!

Me: Okay, good.

User: (To everyone else they know) I apologize for the delay in the pizza but there was a major road issue that was preventing the pizza from getting to me. The network engineer has fixed the roads and we are able to get pizza again.

Me: But it wasn’t the roads…whatever.

User: Oh, can you also check on an issue where Chinese food isn’t getting to me? I think it may be a road issue

Sharded Deployments on Kubernetes [more details]

Ranty McRantface has arrived! Thank you @dfox!

Three weeks of spending at least three hours with my computer everyday, and my back is officially in pain.
Funny how priorities change. Now I really want to invest in a good chair or maybe a beanbag.

If not anywhere else, at least it happens in India.

When it's beautiful summer weather outside, but you can't work outdoors because your laptop-screen is not coated, hence you can't see shit

Just made some stickers(can't wait for dev rant stickers😀)

Except when there's no answers...

Just heard another dev point out how much junk email test@test.com must get.

Until i get myself an actual sticker this will have to do...

When you node_modules (npm) and vendors (composer) folders account for 80% of your codebase size ...

!rant Spotted this in the bookstore among the 'for Dummies' 🤘 My faith in humanity is restored!

<lifeRant> My two year old daughter gets a sticker for going "poo-poo on the potty".... Meanwhile I'm stalking my one rant that is close to getting me a squishy ball! Who's really making progress in their life, me or her? </lifeRant>

Asked my co-worker if he had made a class to use for ftp connections.

He said he had.

This is what I found. FFS @michal78!

🎂 happy birthday Linux!

25 years of Linux! :D

Everytime I touch a Microsoft product, I die a little on the inside. Like I really want Microsoft stuff to be good, but I dont understand how such heavy products break/freeze so often?

Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.

devRant now has interactive posts!!

Double tap here

Me: For your approval *link to DropBox PDFs*
Client: Can you send that to me as PDF?
😬😬😬

Some peoples questions on Stack Overflow are so fucking cryptic, it's as though the question is written in the language in question.

To explain why I chuckle at sudo...

Too true!

Fucking someone has to fix the recruiting process.

Fucking who gives a shit about your experience, and what you did so long.

Here take this fucking shitty problem that I googled, so that I can judge you by this one fucking problem.

Oh, youve worked on variety of technologies? Fuck you.

Fuck these interviews. Fml.

This is exactly whats happens when 2 programmers work on the same module

I remember the days when devrant was young and innocent. Before it was touch by the cynicism, flame baiting, and S.O. love nuts. Back when we poked fun at php as a language but not those who use it. Before +1 was improved to ++. Stickers were only 10, and the only way to get a ball was having 100 on one rant even though it felt like there might only be 150 users. Before When we rejoiced in each others successes and mourned in each other so dev related pains. Back in the good old days of.... A few months ago.

Sometime in the mid to late 1980's my brother and I cut our teeth on a Commodore 64 with Basic. We had the tape drive, 1541 Disk Drives, and the main unit and a lot of C64 centric magazines my dad subscribed to. Each one of the magazines had a snippet of code in a series so that once you had 6 volumes of the magazine, you had a full free game that you got to write by yourself. We decided to write a Hangman game. Since we were the programmers, we already knew all the possible words stored in the wordlist, so it got old quick. One thing that hasn't changed is that my brother had the tenacity and mettle for the intensive logic based parts of the code and I was in it for the colors and graphics. Although we went through some awkward years and many different styles and trends, both of us graduated with computer science degrees at Arkansas State University. Funny thing is, I kept making graphics, CSS, UI, front end, and pretty stuff, and he's still the guy behind the scenes on the heavy lifting and logical stuff. Not that either of us are slacks on the opposite ends of our skilsets, but it's fun to have someone that compliments your work with a deeper understanding. I guess for me it was 2009 when I turned on the full time DEV switch after we published our first website together. It's been through many iterations and is unfortunately a Wordpress site now, but we've been selling BBQ sauce online since 2009 at http://jimquessenberry.com. This wasn't my first website, but it's the first one that's seen moderate success that someone else didn't pay the bill for. I guess you could say that our Commodore 64 Hangman game, and our VBASIC game The Big Giant Head for 386 finally ended up as a polished website for selling our Dad's world class products.

please don't...

Who wants these?