SkillsUnicorn coding skillz
Joined devRant on 8/16/2017
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When you have to work with functions clearly no one gives a fuck about... because who needs documentation... like... 2 decades later!? Oh yeah sure it might change tomorrow...2
Boss: so we've got to call an app to verify data in this project. But I've got no more info and I'm on holiday next week. Please contact GuyA next week.
Me: ok I guess?
*writes email to GuyA*
GuyB: GuyA is on holiday please hold the line
*1 week later*
GuyA: we need more time it's not ready yet
*2 weeks later?
GuyA: yeah it's ready here's the wsdl etc your client already has the password
*1 week later*
Me: yeah so I got the data but the api says my auth isn't working
GuyB: yeah your user isn't activated on the test system. I'm gonna forward that and come back at you
*1 week later*
GuyA: so we're going live in about 2 weeks hows testing going?
Me: well I'm still waiting for the response and activation
*suddenly it works*
Me: yeah so auth is working but i can't find any data. Is there any special test data?
GuyA: oh no there is NO test data on the test system. You need to wait for GuyB but he us not here today...
Me: are you fking kidding Me?????
... no response since then and it's been days....
Copy-pasting 90% of our entities including logic and merging some - creating thousands of duplicated lines - and then creating views for those abnomalies just to speed up the ORM fetching which could have been done with a single join...
Took me some time to delete all of that fking shitty untested code full of bugs...
So when we started this project like 4 years ago... new to the framework, kickstarting lot's of forms with file uploads. Everything seemed to work fine, uploads and downloads worked..
First version of the project got deployed to prod and for weeks or so users have been registering and submitting stuff...
Only problem was: most files were overridden by consecutive uploads as our central upload lib stored files with the same name on disk (normally the ID of the db row was injected but most files were saved before the db row was - resulting in 0 IDs...)
Yeah so... that hurt :(1
Boss: "we're going to take over a project from another company. that's what we know so far - any other questions?"
Me: "do we get the history (svn/git) or just current source? unit tests?"
Other company: "no history for you. no unit tests - app was only tested manually"
Me: *sigh* :'(3
The moment, when you're coding a new feature on friday, your code somehow behaves weird in firefox... dev console shows unexpected behaviour and you're starting to think YOU ARE GOING CRAZY...
And then.. you find a fricking fucking Bug from over 12 YEARS AGO which STATUS IS "NEW"!
"Yes, the problem still persist with 126.96.36.199"
"This is indeed still an issue in version 3.6.3"
"Yes, it still exists in FF 4."
"Bug still present in Firefox 8."
"This ticket is almost 10 years old. Switch to Chrome."
CONGRATS FUCKING MOZILLA! THANK YOU! <3 <3
VMWare be like: "hey lemme just benchmark your primary host disk there... wait a sec..."
*selenium tests continue with 1 keystroke per seconds*
i'm gonna cry in the corner of my room now.2
When you think it can't get any worse you stumble across legacy what-the-actual-fuck-was-he-thinking-templates of your hopefully slowly-dying ex-coworker...7
Code comment rant of the day... fcking excel just cost me over half an hour to fix the fking formatting...1
When I fuck up I like to punish myself by playing Modern Talking in endless loop while fixing the code...
The story of a normal release:
- tool gets tested "intensely" by 3 ppl quite a long time - everything works
- a major 2 days reserved as maintenance window for even more testing
- release starts
- first the admin panel of the server suddenly is not accessible anymore
- after some problems the tool is deployed
- suddenly servers are down and not pingable anymore - off on off on (provider has major problems .. good job)
- ppl start testing
- testers report lots and lots of new bugs - seems like the testing wasn't that intense after all...
- people start coming with lots of new requirements (oh we need to import those excels.. excels don't match our internal stuff.. )
- confusion over confusion
- getting pissed of a lot...
- quit caring and focus on another project
Fuck my life
Dat moment when, after some hard work, you can finally delete that abomination your predecessor left you as a present...
There is always that one guy.. who doesn't give a fuck about testing and thinks he's not responsible for them...
Le Guy: lemme just push ma new code maan
Jenkins: Unit Tests failed - pls fix
Le Guy to the one who cares about testing: hey fuck uu, ur stupid tests are failing... fix them its ur problem.
fuck..fuck..FUCK..FUCK YOU MANTIS!!!
fuck you and your fucking invalid security token... fucking cunt...
yeah i love extracting my notes from POST data via the browser dev console cause you fucking delete it when hitting the back button...
THANKS FOR NOTHING