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Search - "unicorn"
I'm trying out a new rendering engine, it's pretty slow but I'm getting somewhere.
My (6 years old) client is sitting next to me and is kind of picky and tells me exactly what to do.
No payout though 🤔16
So a friend of Mine asked me to check their Mail server because some emails got lost. Or had a funny signature.
Mails were sent from outlook so ok let's do this.
I go create a dummy account, and send/receive a few emails. All were coming in except one and some had a link appended. The link was randomly generated and was always some kind of referral.
Ok this this let's check the Mail Server.
Let's check the mail header. Nothing.
Face -> wall
Fml I want to cry.
Now I want to search for a pattern and write a script which sends a bunch of mails on my laptop.
Fuck this : no WLAN and no LAN Ports available. Fine let's hotspot the phone and send a few fucking mails.
Guess what? Fucking cockmagic, no funny mails appear!
At that moment I went out and was like chainsmoking 5 cigarettes.
It hit me! A feeling like a unicorn vomiting rainbows all over my face.
I go check their firewall. Shit redirected all email ports from within the network to another server.
Yay nobody got credentials because nobody new it existed. Damn boy.
Hook on to the hostmachine power down the vm, start and hack yourself a root account before shit boots. Luckily I just forgot the credentials to a testvm some time ago so I know that shit. Lesson learned: fucking learn from your mistakes, might be useful sometimes!
Ok fucker what in the world are you doing.
Do some terminal magic and see that it listens on the email ports.
Holy cockriders of the galaxy.
Turns out their former it guy made a script which caught all mails from the server and injected all kind of bullshit and then sent them to real Webserver. And the reason why some mails weren't received was said guy was too dumb to implement Unicode and some mails just broke his script.
That fucker even implented an API to pull all those bullshit refs.
I know your name "Matthias" and I know where you live and what you've done... And to fuck you back for that misery I took your accounts and since you used the same fucking password for everything I took your mail, Facebook and steam account too.
Git gut shithead! You better get a lawyer16
I don’t know what the peeps over at avocode are smoking but it must be some good stuff to come up with a unicorn avacado...8
"The password must be 6 to 32 characters long and must contain atleast one uppercase character, one lowercase character, a special character, the md5 hash of your last name, a dried olive branch and the blood of a unicorn."6
"Running the sample code is easy! Just git clone, make sure python, lua, gcc, docker and cuda are installed, and run ./install.sh. Easy!"
Me: Light 6 candles, sprinkle some thyme water with unicorn tears over my keyboard, start chanting an unholy hymn... shit... some compiler error from a library I've never heard of before.
Why can't these "interesting samples" come with easy pre-compiled binaries...18
Fixed broken project into something that builds with check-in comment:
Unbroken builds ( also unicorn inside)
added ascii unicorn as I'm no liar.3
These fuckface wantrapeneurs, posting jobs (paying to do so) and then offering bullshit like:
- We have no funding, so you'll work for free for some time.
- Paying in fucking crypto.
- Wanting a full stack rainbow puking and shitting unicorn for peanuts
- Fucking scammers, posing as legit companies and asking you to install Anydesk.
- Asking absurd interview tasks and times (a couple of days worth of work for a task).
- Whiteboard and live coding interviews with bullshit questions thinking they're Google, while having 20 devs.
- Negotiating salaries and when presented with contract get the salary reduced by double the amount.
- Having idiotic shit on their company websites like a fucking dog as a team member associated as happiness asshole. (One idiot even had a labrador during the video interview while cuddling him)
- Companies asking you to install tracking software with cam recording to keep you in check. (Yeah, you can go fuck yourselves)
- Having absurd compensation schemes, like pay calculation based on the "impact" your work has
Either I'm unlucky or job hunting has become something else since I last started searching.5
I fucking hate python and myself even more. Python is easy they say, Python has nice syntax but fuck you . Fuck you seriously I cringe if I see non-c-like syntax. Every time I leave my comfort zone I get fucked over by damn semicolons. Fuck this imports i don't know your damn library. But god damn In far too advanced for hello world. There are two versions and the lib I want to use is incompatible? Well fuck me? That kind of shit never hit me on PHP. Damn me! Fuck you python. I want to know you but you fuck me harder than life. GEHÖRT? DU FICKST MICH HÄRTE ALS DAS LEBEN DU HURENSOHN!!!!
What is even your problem? Indentation? Well thank you for not having braces! I mean come on I try, I really do. I know you are different but every thing I want to learn about you is either for uber beginners or so advanced I don't even know what's going on. Do magical shit in a few lines? What the fuck is in those packages? A wizard full filling whishes like "plz make this work"?
But don't worry you cum snorting unicorn as much as I hate you I'm more mad about me for not being a descendant of fucking slytherin!14
If I run into a problem with code or a configuration of some kind, like a good little programmer, I Google it.
One of two things will happen:
1) I quickly find the answer to my problem.
2) After hours of searching, I can't find anything about my problem. At all. I change the search phrasing, adjust the advanced search settings, read all the somewhat related but still unrelated articles. Nothing.
If #1 happens, awesome, life is great, thanks Internet!
If #2 happens, it's because of one of two things:
1) I am the first person in the world to stumble upon this issue. Quick! To the Blog Cave!
2) I AM TOO STUPID TO BE DOING WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO BECAUSE MY MISTAKE IS SO UNBELIEVABLY DUMB THAT NO ONE HAS BOTHERED NOR WILL BOTHER TO WRITE ABOUT IT, ANYWHERE, EVER. I LOOK AT MY WORK AGAIN FOR THE 100TH TIME AND FINALLY REALIZE MY EMBARRASSING NOOBERY.
2.1 is a unicorn. 2.1's happen to other people.
I am dealing with a 2.2.2
I would say world peace, but that's had unlimited money and time into it and still failing, so I'll go for a sentient robot unicorn.8
Placed a hidden flying unicorn as easteregg in our last business app. My boss stumbled across it and told me: "make it that all users can see it more easily without using the secret gesture."
...but ..it's an easteregg! .. :facepalm:2
This morning I saw the announcement about new avatars... but I was a bit disappointed because I feel it was missing something... something that I have recently requested a few times....
So I've taken the initiative to create a prototype what I would like.
Anyone else want this?36
Head of development: "I'm looking for the perfect php developer with perfect MySQL knowledge."
Me: "We'll ok. Good look with finding that unicorn. I think we are done here."
The problem with some people is that they are the gatekeepers for other people's careers and that they are begging to be bullshitted: "Yes of course I am the best of all php developers! And I don't only know MySQL but am pretty awesome in YourSQL as well!" As if I want to work in a team posers.2
Hating WordPress is cool these days, but:
1) Shitloads of themes for clients to choose from (I'm not good with designing and where I live you are more likely to meet a unicorn than a front-end developer that can code).
2) Non technical people can understand it's admin interface without lots of explaining.
3) Huge community makes it extremely easy to find answers even when looking for pretty specific stuff.
For me it's a valid option when making something simple.18
If programming languages had honest slogans, what would they be?
C: If you want a horse, make sure you feed it, clean it and secure it yourself. No warranties.
C++: If you want a horse, you need to buy a circus along with it.
Java: Before you buy a horse - buy a piece of land, build a house in that land, build a barn beside the house & if you are not bankrupt yet, buy the horse and then put the horse in the barn.
C#: You don’t want a horse, but Microsoft wants you to have a horse. Now it’s up to you if you want Microsoft or not.
Swift: Don’t buy an overpriced Unicorn if all you wanted was a horse.
PHP: After enough optimization, your horse can compete the top most horses in the world; but deep down, you'll always know it's an ass.
Hack: Let's face it, even if you take the ass from the ass lovers and give them back a horse in exchange, not many will ride it.
Ruby: If you want a horse, make sure you ride it on top of rail roads, even if the horse can't run fast on rails.
Python: Don't ride your horse and eat your sandwich on the same line, until you indent it on the next line.
Bash: Your horse may shit everywhere, but at least it gets the job done.
R: You are the horse. R will ride you.
Got this from Quora.
I just realized...
Next step... 10k... or whatever it takes to get a unicorn 🤗🤗🤔🤔😙😙
...so now this can go 2 ways 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
-Get upvoted so I get to 10k
-Get downvoted so I'm back under 9000
Or we just all take this as a joke 😀😀😀7
Like most people I needed some extra cash during uni, so I proceeded to learn CSS + Photoshop (yeah, I know). Followed by PHP and WordPress.
It can be a very shitty platform until you realize that you can stop combining plug-ins from all over the place with dubious code quality and roll your own.
Anyhow I kept at it until I was able to join a niche company doing a quite popular caching plug-in for WP (yeah, W3 Total) when I suddenly became *very* interested in anything and everything performance.
This landed me a very cozy consulting gig in the Nordics - they were using WP for an elephant-traffic website and had run into a myriad of perf issues.
Fixing them and breaking the monolith awarded me with skills in nodejs, linux, asynchronous caching among others.
I was soon in charge with managing the dev boxes for the entire team, and when the main operations dude left, I was promoted to owning the entire platform. (!) Tinkering with Linux for most of my life really came in handy here. (remember Debian potato?)
Used saltstack + aws cloudformation to achieve full parity between all environments. Learned myself some python and all various tips and tricks which in the end amounted to 90% reduction in time-to-first-byte and considerable cost savings.
By the end of the 2yr contract I had turned myself into a fullstack systems engineer and never looked back.
Lawyers not getting along resulted in us having to abandon NewRelic, so I got to learn and deploy the ELK stack as a homegrown replacement, which was super-fun.
Now I work in the engineering effectiveness department of a Swedish fintech unicorn where all languages under the Sun are an option (tho we prefer Python), so the tech stack is unlimited. Infinite tools and technologies, but with strong governing principles and with performance always in mind so as to pick the right tool for the job.
It's like that childhood feeling when you've just dumped a ton of Lego on the floor and are about to build something massive.
I guess the morale here is however disappointed you feel by your current stack - don't. Always strive to make things better, faster, more decoupled, easier to test, etc. and always challenge yourself to go outside the comfort zone.6
Interviewer: So which university are you from?
Me: I am from "foo" university.
Interviewer: So why did you not go to "bar" university?
Inner Me: Wtf kind of a question is that. Why the fuck aren't you a unicorn with pigs flying out of your ass and a globally reknowned researcher at Stanford?
We all end up where destiny takes us. Some of us try very hard but things don't magically happen for us. We keep trying but at the end of the day you end up where you end up.
Real Me: I just finished my High School and had the entry test the next day. I was not prepared at all.4
We have an "unicorn meeting" (designer) and an "owl meeting" (developers) at work.
My sister asked me, why it's not "spider meeting", as we are web developers.3
As a trainee in my very first company I was comparing myself to my mentor too much.
And I just couldn't compete.
He had deep knowledge, was more productive, had amazing skills in different departments and his side projects were astonishing.
Turned out: I wasn't expected to.
Turned out: Even among nerds, he was an extraordinary unicorn. Other developers in the company had huge respect and were humbled by his skills.
Yet nevertheless, I doubted my career choice when I was struggeling for 4 hours on a seemingly tiny problem, then when I approached him he would come in and write the code down in 15 minutes.
He made it look so god damn easy.
Little did I know that the main difference between him and I was: experience.
He had much more of it. I still had to make some mistakes and he greatly helped me avoid some of them.
It really helped me that one day he talked to me and set my head straight that I wasn't expected to perform on the same level as him. He was getting a salary, I merely some peanuts, after all.4
Some of the penguin's finest insults (Some are by me, some are by others):
Disclaimer: We all make mistakes and I typically don't give people that kind of treatment, but sometimes, when someone is really thick, arrogant or just plain stupid, the aid of the verbal sledgehammer is neccessary.
"Yeah, you do that. And once you fucked it up, you'll go get me a coffee while I fix your shit again."
"Don't add me on Facebook or anything... Because if any of your shitty code is leaked, ever, I want to be able to plausibly deny knowing you instead of doing Seppuku."
"Yep, and that's the point where some dumbass script kiddie will come, see your fuckup and turn your nice little shop into a less nice but probably rather popular porn/phishing/malware source. I'll keep some of it for you if it's good."
"I really love working with professionals. But what the fuck are YOU doing here?"
"I have NO idea what your code intended to do - but that's the first time I saw RCE and SQLi in the same piece of SHIT! Thanks for saving me the hassle."
"If you think XSS is a feature, maybe you should be cleaning our shitter instead of writing our code?"
"Dude, do I look like I have blue hair, overweight and a tumblr account? If you want someone who'd rather lie to your face than insult you, go see HR or the catholics or something."
"The only reason for me NOT to support you getting fired would be if I was getting paid per bug found!"
"Go fdisk yourself!"
"You know, I doubt the one braincell you have can ping localhost and get a response." (That one's inspired by the BOFH).
"I say we move you to the blockchain. I'd volunteer to do the cutting." (A marketing dweeb suggested to move all our (confidential) customer data to the "blockchain").
"Look, I don't say you suck as a developer, but if you were this competent as a gardener, I'd be the first one to give you a hedgetrimmer and some space and just let evolution do its thing."
"Yeah, go fetch me a unicorn while you're chasing pink elephants."
"Can you please get as high as you were when this time estimate come up? I'd love to see you overdose."
"Fuck you all, I'm a creationist from now on. This guy's so dumb, there's literally no explanation how he could evolve. Sorry Darwin."
"You know, just ignore the bloodstain that I'll put on the wall by banging my head against it once you're gone."2
I don't understand all this chat about misrepresented groups in tech. Why is it that this forced inclusion as reached even the tech community... Personally I have no problem working with anyone, but yeah...
...in 10 years, I never worked with a female colleague, never with a black person, never with a transgender/unicorn... But I would have absolutely no problem sharing with them... Every person Ive work with so far has been very passionate about tech and software and they sure worked their asses off to have the position they have, learning everyday and coding long hours...
If you're 'misrepresented' grab a fucking book, Google, train, fight, find your way... I never had enough money to study a degree but I loved CS so much since a kid I just made myself a fucking programmer and now I'm a white, straight, male working in IT, so fucking what.42
Halloween is coming so i made this constructed unicorn mask with a paper mache base with elwire. Does it require any coding skills nope, but i bet people are goin to be suprised that i know how to build wireframes and papermache !7
Must have at least 3 years of working experience in a high level company. Only worked for A+ clients and ultra high traffic websites.
Also nice would be UX/UI, Design Systems, Wireframing.
Experienced in sales and cleaning floors. Getting coffee putting music on etc
Salary indication: €18009
Every time someone compares Golang to Rust an angel falls, a unicorn dies and a Java developer writes another class.
Please stop doing that.8
So I made this simple lamp that shows what is current build status on Jenkins CI.
- Change color depending on Jenkins build status
- Automaticaly turn on/off if user is logged on Hipchat
- Beam effect if somebody makes coffee
- Unicorn effect if food is delivered
- Big red arcade button that can send random message to somebody on Hipchat
What do we have to give you to make you able to accurately predict the scope and length of time it will take you to develop something you know nothing about and have no experience with? How hard could it possibly be? You click a button and BOOM! A unicorn! Please provide estimate in hrs EOD.3
From this day I'm also a backend developer! I'm going Full-Stack and the company where I work is letting my learn on the job!2
Motherfucker doesn't know shit but wants fucking unicorn and rainbows for mobile devices.
Fucking asshole, do u even know what user experience means? Shove your smooth transition up your ass.2
Me: For Christmas I want a unicorn
Santa: Be realistic
Me: Okay I want to write safe code in C
Santa: About that unicorn...12
Don't apply to work in company that have their ads like 'must have experience working in backbone, knockout, angular, angular 2 and react'. Motherfuck, good luck finding ur unicorn developer!
Do anybody here work with a codebase that actually has tests?
Or at the very least, the codebase has a domain layer, rather than puking lines of code randomly in the controller?
Am I trying to find an unicorn?7
My Unicorns 🦄.
If you look at the picture you will see more than one and there is a funny story behind them. About three years ago I was talking about a new project and I wanted to call it the Magic API, however I work for a religious organization and they said that it would be a problem to call it that. So I said what the hell how about unicorn? They said that would probably be okay. Then I saw that Microsoft had unicorn tags for their developers so it has been my thing ever since then.
So Unicorns it is. 🦄4
OMFG. Here's a self-rant for you all...
So, working on a JS library to build widgets, I five across some weird behaviour where I expect `$.ajax.apply()` to pass something to the chained `.done()` method, but it comes out differently.
Fuck. Right, time to visit StackOverflow and glean some knowledge.
I post a question, complete with examples and descriptions and a little midget unicorn in the corner for world peace.
Come back a bit later to see what's happened, and nobody understands my damn question!
So I proceed to debate a few points with some other devs, going back and forth for a while, but still nobody knows what I'm asking.
Fuck. Time for a JSFiddle...
Copy code from the jQuery docs and start modifying it to show what I was working with... Now suddenly is all working as the docs say.
So I go look back at my own code again to try work out what's actually going on.
Turns out I completely missed MY OWN CODE.
Most awkward video conference call?
Our department is in a 'virtual' book club, reading The Unicorn Project, and I asked..
Me: "So what similarities have you seen with the Phoenix project and projects we work on here?"
Dale: "Ha ha..sooo many. The biggest is the disconnect of managers with no clue of what goes on."
<Vice president of our department also in the book club>
VP: "Really? Dale, I'd like to know more about this."
<awkward silence with blank stares all around>
DBA: "Come on Dale...spill the beans. Got the VP right there."
Dale: "Um...nope...not going there...nope"
<Dale's screen goes black>
VP: "OK, so when Maxine asks ..."
What companies think they're hiring for - software engineers. Actually they're looking for unicorn duct tapers.1
There are two types of unicorn coders. There is the first type, they are talented guys who just can’t stick to only one area — they will be bored. So they learn frontend, backend, databases, visual design, maybe even math, finding beauty in everything. These are your bros.
And then there is the second type. They come to your company just to fuck everything up. It’s mediocre design skills and awful coding practices followed by huge ego. They’ll fuck your project up with workarounds and hacks.
Don’t be like the latter. Read books and always be where there are guys way more skilled than you.1
"You basically need a iOS and Android app, with access to the driver and also to the final client with an administrative environment and integration to pay online via the app"
- Uber like app request from a friend
Recruiters are driving me crazy, you can't even damn write a proper message with my name on it, no you just send 10000 messages a day and hope to get a response.
I am currently looking for a Lead Data Scientist in MyCity to work with a unicorn tech company.
You need strong Machine Learning Experience, be happy to be client facing.
Highly competitive package on offer.
That one moment you create something so magical that you never even intended to write and don't even realise what you have done until after it is done 😮1
Tired of chasing an elusive architecture and finding good community that helps promote it. Basically:
- Not CRUD
- Not MVC
- More like CQRS; commands and queries represent use cases
- Event Sourced; event log is source of truth, everything else is a cached projection
- Functional Domain Design; not DDD; focus on immutability and simplicity
- Functional in general; less OO
- More focus on domain concepts rather than tech concepts
- Domain can be used through CLI, API, or SDK
- UI is just another client to the API
- Authorization is ABAC, graph-based access control
I'm looking for a fucking unicorn.10
Had one of those unicorn coding moments where my from-scratch code worked the first time I wrote and tested it. That hasn’t happened in a long time.
It's not everyday you see a pink unicorn coding and getting frustrated in a coffee shop...FYI that pink unicorn was me.
Is there a team that works truly productive and happy via an agile (scrum) workflow?
Or does it always distill down to an excuse for a chaotic workflow?
My experience and cynic nature has let me to assume the latter.
(That being said, I never had a dedicated scrum master to work with. So that may be the first of many problems.)5
My stress test the past three months has been writing the same app's frontend first in Blaze/handlebars which was horrible and then in react which was wonderful due to blazes inability to scale, and then on a Vue application which consumed the API from the React app. Im hoping they prefer it to be in Angular, feed me frameworks :D. Just not polymer, anything but polymer. One does not just use polymer and no one wants to watch its ginger creator prance around in a unicorn mask trying to teach me how to properly write my app to be reactive. I shouldnt even have to think that hard about how to make it reactive, thats the point of the framework!
And then I realised, holy fucking mother of god, its fucking confusing. Whole new level shit piled right away on my face. I am newbie to front end and might be experiencing such issues, but I rarely had with other languages.
But "this" horse shit is on another level, I mean fucking a unicorn and pooping rainbow is easier than this bull.11
I need some advice. A year ago, one of my former colleagues got a job at one of my dream companies. We weren't besties but we had a good relationship. When I learned about her new job I congratulated her and told her that I'd like to work there too. A position at that company has been open for quite a while but I'm hesitating to apply because:
a) If I apply without telling her and the recruiters see that we used to be colleagues, it will seem strange that I didn't ask her for a referral
b) If I ask her for a referral she might sabotage me because she's probably grooming one of her friends for that position or she thinks that I was a horrible colleague and doesn't want to work with me again. If she liked me, wouldn't she tell me about the position?
On the other hand, the ad for that well paid position has been on their site for months so I'm starting to think it's either fake or they're looking for a special unicorn(which I am not)
Should I apply or is it a complete wasted of my time? (I already have a job)13
Not a rant but I love the fact we can say there is a run away unicorn in staff slack and no one is bats an eye or it looks like there is a lot of orphaned processes lets investigate and murder all the orphanes2
Coding has pretty much been the center of my life?
Although I was persuaded to take a dumb expensive, useless detour into Finance... and probably cost me a nice job at a big tech company... at least until maybe I get around to really really trying really hard to possibly get an interview after reading through a few Algo books and prepping for technical interviews and doing foobar enough to request being recruited...
Anyway I still like coding for my own use a lot (check my github.io page), getting paid for it is more of a ++ though I would prefer to be solving more interesting and useful problems at work....
Oh yes and it makes me an Android/tech power user, always thinking about how to use tech to solve my problems, get what I want...
and now if you'd please, dfox when can I have my unicorn? 😀1
Oooh no. A golden fish would do. A Leprechaun too. Maybe I'd give a shot with a unicorn. But God sees I'm not going to have any business with geanies! No sir! Especially when we're talking about important matter, like dev!
Ordered something techy from the US and A, because it looked like what I wanted, smelled like what I wanted, and I thought it'll taste like what I wanted.
It arrived today and ooooohhh boy was I wrong.
It's kind of like if you won a car.
But you have no drivers license.
And it is so futuristic, it runs on unicorn piss.
Good luck getting that anywhere.
Another tech-brick on the wall.
Well i could write some tech publications to give them a chance to cover it in depth first, since everyone else will be gaged by NDAS until like q2 2019.
Naaaa, I probably wouldn't even respond to myself if I wrote.
"Nice try kiddo, did hell freeze over?"2
Being at this a while I start to feel very jaded when we get business trying to tie down our work to release dates based on nothing other than dreams and unicorn tears.
My biggest personal challenge is to try to not let that bleed through to the beginning devs I am trying to help mentor.
Then I realize I really don't give a fuck and business just needs to get their collective shit together :)
Github Down - This is just another rant about Github being down.
[Imagine Github's Rainbow Unicorn Here]
Unicorn Themed day at code club ^_^
``` """ unicorn finder """
from random import randint
""" UnicornFinder class finds uncorns """
""" find a unicorn """
unicorn = True
for i in range(0, 31):
if randint(0, 7) != 7:
unicorn = False
print("u200 unicorn found")
print("u404:: unicorn not found")
if __name__ == '__main__':