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Search - "crystal ball"
People who send an email saying "I'm getting an error message".
WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!
WHAT IS THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE?!
OH NO SURE LET ME LOOK IN MY CRYSTAL BALL, I'LL HAVE IT FIGURED OUT FOR YOU IN NO FUCKING TIME.
My favorite word to read in client-written requirement documentation: "Etc"
...Do I look like I have a crystal f-ing ball?
Software engineering gets more diverse every year with problems ranging from faking 3d shadows on 2d browsers to accurately mimicking chemical bonds on the electron level.
I guess we primarily will get advanced tools, to make more complex problems easier to tackle. Just compare manual punch card piercing pliers to the JetBrains tool chain.
Also I believe that the roles that developers embody will get even more diverse, people will have way more specific functions in their ecosystem.5
I use a library and it gives me some strange error message. No problemo, just file an issue on GitHub asking the maintainer if I'm plain stupid or the lib actually has a flaw. As it was a question, I have not posted a dump and all the shit.
Maintainer responds with a snarky comment about his crystal ball being broken and I have to submit a log, a dump, debug information and a bunch of other stuff.
Well, what choice do I have, I collect all the requested information, create a wall of text comment, all nicely formatted.
And the issue ends here. Myths say, the maintainer got asked to join Elvis on Mars.
I mean, why do you ask all the shit from me in a unprofessional manner just to stop answering? Just say "I have no clue why it behaves like this" and I know whats playin. But that's just ... sad.6
How to piss off a server admin:
"<This> isn't working. Did something change?"
"Do you have an error message"?
"No, it just isn't working"
I hear this as: "Shit's broke. What did you do?"
Usually, it's PICNIC, PEBCAK, LNK or ID10T
But without at least an error message I refuse to go on a wild duck hunt. What changed on your end? Your IP address? Got a new workstation? Forgot your password or fat-fingered it?
IT users think a CPU is a crystal ball6
"Did you manage to reproduce this issue in-house?"
Yes, off course we managed to reproduce your fucking random reboot issue that happen to two in thousand customers and might happend just after boot of after several hours or days or not at all when you, as you said yourself, were doing nothing. While at it we also turned lead to gold, water to wine and resurected Elvis (although he is a little bit grumpy and mumbles something about brains).
The thing that I most hate is when you're approaching a new framework/tool, you follow the official documentation and the first example doesn't work.
I'm trying the official documentation of webpack, I tried the first example and guess! Error! It says that's probably a breaking change. Where the hell should I learn it? I don't have the crystal ball, should I guess how your fucking tool fucking works? Oh my god, it's ok if you introduced breaking changes, but just update all the references, is it so hard?
1) Learning little to nothing useful in formal post-secondary and wasting tons of time and money just to have pain and suffering.
"Let's talk about hardware disc sectors divisions in the database course, rather than most of you might find useful for industry."
"Lemme grade based on regurgitating my exact definitions of things, later I'll talk about historical failed network protocols, that have little to no relevance/importance because they fucking lost and we don't use them. Practical networking information? Nah."
"Back in the day we used to put a cup of water on top of our desktops, and if it started to shake a lot that's how you'd know your operating system was working real hard and 'thrashing' "
"Is like differentiation but is like cat looking at crystal ball"
"Not all husbands beat their wives, but statistically...." (this one was confusing and awkward to the point that the memory is mostly dropped)
Streams & lambdas in java, were a few slides in a powerpoint & not really tested. Turns out industry loves 'em.
2) Landed my first student job and get shoved on an old legacy project nobody wants to touch. Am isolated and not being taught or helped much, do poorly. Boss gets pissed at me and is unpleasant to work with and get help from. Gets to the point where I start to wonder if he starts to try and create a show of how much of a nuisance I am. He meddle with some logo I'm fixing, getting fussy about individual pixels and shades, and makes a big deal of knowing how to use GIMP and how he's sitting with me micromanaging. Monthly one on one's were uncomfortable and had him metaphorically jerking off about his lifestory career wise.
But I think I learned in code monkey industry, you gotta be capable of learning and making things happen with effectively no help at all. It's hard as fuck though.
3) Everytime I meet an asshole who knows more and accomplish than I do (that's a lot of people) with higher TC than me (also a lot of people). I despair as I realize I might sound like that without realizing it.
4) Everytime I encounter one of my glaring gaps in my knowledge and I'm ashamed of the fact I have plenty of them. Cargo cult programming.
5) I can't do leetcode hards. Sometimes I suck at white board questions I haven't seen anything like before and anything similar to them before.
6) I also suck at some of the trivia questions in interviews. (Gosh I think I'd look that up in a search engine)
7) Mentorship is nigh non-existent. Gosh I'd love to be taught stuff so I'd know how to make technical design/architecture decisions and knowing tradeoffs between tech stack. So I can go beyond being a codemonkey.
8) Gave up and took an ok job outside of America rather than continuing to grind then try to interview into a high tier American company. Doubtful I'd ever manage to break in now, and TC would be sweet but am unsure if the rest would work out.
9) Assholes and trolls on stackoverflow, it's quite hard to ask questions sometimes it feels and now get closed, marked as dupe, or downvoted without explanation.3
I need a fucking crystal ball to know whether something is a reference or an object fuck angularjs
2 functions 100% same logic 1 returns a new object 1 returns a reference to the old one
Anyone knows where i can order one my expectations are that it lights up if the function will return a reference and stays daark if it returns a copy
Get told a colleague finished work on a new web service thing on Friday.
So I fire up SOAP UI. Get an error due to problems with a sql statement. Look through code, issues already fixed so I build the project ct add the new dll to the app, another error, this time a column included in a select statement that doesn’t exist in the table being queried.
Colleague is on holiday, there are no comments in the code and there’s no source control.
Boss wants to know if the column needs to be added, or whether colleague added it and then decided not to use it.
I think I have an idea what it is meant to happen, but my only exposure to this project is as a 30 minute intro, and we didn’t look at any of these parts.
And sadly I left my crystal ball at home today fml
New year resolution was to be a better person (or at least nicer) but here it goes.
Monday rant: State your fucking requirements when requesting something as "This is not what I was expecting" is not acceptable.
I do code for living I don't read mind nor have a crystal ball on my desk telling me "...what you meant..."