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Search - "doom"
[Certified CMS Of Doom™ moment]
Ah yes, the good old "generate a huge CSV just to know how many rows there are"15
Behold the PHP pyramid of doom!
You know what kind of code is coming... a big pile of shite! 😍
Obviously you have to return by reference (&) because of performance and memory reasons. ☝️🤓
Man... I've seen code...23
[CMS of Doom™]
The gift that keeps on giving...
When you think you've seen it all after 7 months in legacy hell, you get another gift:
Let's say you use PHP, but your IQ is in the zero-ish range, then it is obvious to:
- use define() for constants in all your config.*.php files
- then include said config.*.php files multiple times
- and because define() doesn't overwrite the same constant, because it's - you know - a constant, you instead of including just do a file_get_contents() to read the PHP file as string and then parse the values by Regex.
The dev who wrote this was truly one of the devs ever.12
We were still using python 2.7 waaay into 2020 - It had been heralding the impending doom since 2018 and finally end-of-lifed in 2020.
That's when I finally managed to be the loudest asshole in the room and allocate a team (myself included) to refactor shit up to 3.6 (then somewhat more modern) for a month or so.
COVID the destroyer may have helped by wrecking havoc on our client's demands pipelines.
It was the third week into "the red sprint" when my entire team (myself included) were beheaded out of the company since we had "not delivered ANYTHING in weeks!" (emphasis in the original).
Frankly, being laid off was by a large margin the best thing that company ever did for me.
I heard from a poor schmuck who stayed behind that they were still using the shitty spaghetti code from before our refactoring - in freaking November 2021 - and that our entire last effort was thrown out because "nobody knows how to use it".
There is tech debt and there is tech bankruptcy.
I may have a lot of tech schadenfreude now :)12
Not all Asians are the SAME. Let me explain, I got a coworker who goes by the name "Lau Dum Fuk" (which I learnt that it is pronounced "loud doom fok"). I was so stupid that I pronounced his name as "Loud Dumb Fuck" very awkward. I am Asian but I pronounced Asian name wrong . Who started with the idea that all Asian are the same?16
Date of doom... they forgot the double quotes...
(btw. $dateString is in the form "1234-10-11")
The fun part is that this comparison fails because $dateString is not numeric (due to "-") thus won't be (non-strictly) equal to 0 (int).
Damn fuucking amateurs... all hacks no skill.10
Damn, it's quite refreshing to work on some C#.NET microservices instead of the usual PHPTSD in the CMS Of Doom™...4
[CMS of Doom™]
Gotta love the fact that the fuckers who originally "coded" this abomination of a CMS implemented a method which replaces some text before sending the HTML to the client.
Guess what fucks with my code?6
If you ever feel incompetent or unsuccessful in life, I have to tell you one important thing:
The company which created the "CMS Of Doom"* has been existing for 21 years and is still going "strong".
*not actual name4
[CMS Of Doom™]
Imagine bringing every HTTP Query Param and every god damn fucking POST var into to current code context.
"extract()" is one of the reasons why I have terminal PHPTSD.10
I'd rather take a swim in a moist human massgrave than fix any more bugs of this cancer-inducing "selfmade" CMS developped by a "company" that shall not be named.
Sadly I am not aware of any such pit in the neighborhood, thus more bugfixing it is... yay ⚰️5
Oh boy... something just happened I'd have never expected.
Remember my rants about the PHP CMS Of Doom™?
Guess what... the boss of said company just called me to offer me a job as their new tech lead. WTF.
I'd rather slowly impale myself on a rusy pickaxe.
I'd rather tattoo my face with a giant, pulsating, uncircimcised shlong.
I'd rather take a swim in a pool of Hydrogen fluoride.
I'd rather work 80h/wk on pimple extraction.10
[CMS Of Doom™]
Ah, yes, their built-in bullshit newsletter module just sent the n-th user n emails. Wonderful considering n=368.
The culprit? Better don't ask...
OK, anyway: So the mailer is running as a CRONjob, but nah, not as a console script call but by a public HTTP GET URL call, fucking obviously (it's the CMS Of Doom for a reason).
So these fucking imbeciles "implemented" an ob_start() callback where HTML links are - for whatever fucking reason - modified by some regex (obviously everybody knows parsing HTML by Regex is trivial). In this case the link was somehow modified to recall the mailer Cronjob...
This must have upset the pngoing mailing process thus spamming mails. Whyyyy
And I've thought I've seen it all after 6 months in this legacy hell...
This is why you don't run a company consisting of only beginners in PHP (in cluding their "CEO")!
[CMS of Doom™]
Imagine creating a CMS so bad that you let the owner (who I work for) define in a simple input field what email address is used as the sender address for the welcome email of newly registered users.
Basically they filled in a personal email of the company some 3 years ago AND of course the person with said email address left the company a few months later thus for some 2-3 years newly registered users received a welcome email with a sender address of an unavailable user.
And I thought I've seen it all in this CMS...3
Gotta love it when you try out a different VS Code extension for a specific language and then on each autoformat, more and more spaces get inserted.
1. It's one of those few times in life that listening to Lq's Numb doesn't make me feel less anxious. Or Somewhere I Belong. Either way, anxiety levels are on all time high.
2. I have completely lost appetite. Usually at this point in time I'd go to doctor and ask for Xanax or something similar, to chill for a few days. But covid. I ain't going to any clinic, plus, ain't nobody got time for that.
3. On top of everything, I am also PMSing. The lack of energy, times n. (n>10)
4. Struggling to get out of bed for hours is now a reality.
5. I'm glad ("glad" is exaggeration tho) this will pass in a few weeks. I am hanging on to that hope and experience tells me it will pass. But my feelings are like "nah, we doomed. Let's just run away. Or just sleep until it all passes or we die of starvation."
6. My brain must work for the next few days. If I have to push it by drowning it in sugar, I will. But I'm also obese rn. Well, I guess it's "Hello diabetes!".
7. My hands and feet are cold. Like, freezing cold. Meanwhile, the rest of me is sweating. This sucks. Ngl.
8. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Like, those last stabby stabs moments in a battle where you know you're gonna fall down soon. I know this feeling of doom and gloom is PMS related, but it's there. I have no solution for that aside from nicotine and sugar.
9. I can't even cry. Which is sad.
... Do you see what's happening there? That's the loop I'm in.5
Your code is 6ix9ine. Stupid, meaningless lines, and also a snitch, selling data left and right.
My code is always MF DOOM.2
Had a dream about computers on earth mostly stopping working for no apparent reason, yes, again. But this time, they still work on Mars, so we go there, at least some of us. UAC-esque, Doom 3-ish aesthetics, but in a good way, no death and no darkness. No hell plot though, we’re all fine. Both earth and mars are equally semi-livable, but in different ways. For some reason, we can’t ship new CPUs to mars, and 775 pentium considered a good CPU. We use SQL and HDDs. Elon is also there, but he’s nothing, a peasant compared to other scientists and engineers who are a part of the exodus. I had some problems with food and shelter initially, but @netikras helped me2
Was playing Minecraft today and all of a sudden portals started appearing and activating. I went through one of the portals and it led to the Netherlands.
Should I be conCERNed?12
This is the first time I have a bad PM and it's much worse than having a pain in the ass colleague dev. A bad dev will mess his/work project and maybe slow down 1-2 other devs.
But a bad PM will doom the whole project, wasting lots of time of the devs working under him/her. Costing much more company's money.
PM:This task should be ready by next week.
Me : This task will require X weeks time for developing and delivery
PM: What?! That's too long, it's a simple one, should be done in a few days.
Me: **explaining the challenges, limitation, env set up, testing etc. Also because I am a junior so may take more time than experienced dev**
PM: **insist that this is important blah blah**
Me: Understand your points but X days is just too little, I don't want you to blame me for missing the deadline. Either we get a reasonable deadline or you can get more experienced dev to do it faster.
**Knowing well that I have the most experience in this task and other devs are busy with their own tasks**
In the end I have to escalate this argument to more senior manager because both of us won't budge. Not only she agreed to extend the deadline she also assigned a senior dev to help me when I am stuck.
His other mistakes I noticed during my time working under him:
- not consulting senior dev for the approach to the task (thus we have to change the design twice).
- assigning tasks to people without sufficient background (a java dev is being assigned a python task, it's doable but it's going to be faster if we assign to someone with more python experience right?)
I understand that our company is short-staffed, but I begin to wonder if the stress the devs endure is because of that or because of his incompetence.
Next time, I am going to specifically ask not to work under him again.2
In the previous company I've worked, we've had about one customer every 1-2 months that had his WorstPress website hacked.
It's a horrible CMS and there is no argument that could convince me otherwise, not even bribery.
Luckily enough for WP, it's not the worst CMS I've encountered... that award goes by far to "The CMS Of Doom™" (name changed to not dox the incompetent company that created it). Fucking bastards.
Here is the question of the goddamn decade I've puzzled before and now I'm going to let someone else tell me what they think.
Is there a goddamn alternative to google maps that has landmarks and layers and roads and offline storage that works well on older phones (2014-2015 ish) that aren't goddamn iphone of mega-doom 600.00/piece !
because goddamn it maps crashes my phone !
and I'm sick of being reminded of shit people told me by researching it myself and being disappointed, anyone with a personal experience and recommemdation ??9
Today I learned that Vim normal mode is Turing complete. Figures. Anything can be Turing complete. Doom can now run itself, Minecraft and Dwarf Fortress are Turing complete, even PowerPoint is technically turing complete. It's only a matter of time before somebody can run DevRant in DevRant.4
-.- seriously. found 'neeva' which kind of salvaged boolean searching, but even that's shit now.
this "stuff" -notthat
dId yOu wAnT NoTtHaT ? here it fricking is, first page1