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This is the third part of my ongoing series "The Ballad of the Six Witchers and the Undocumented Java Tool".
In this part, we have the massive Battle of Sparks and Storms.
The first part is here: https://devrant.com/rants/5009817/...
The second part is here: https://devrant.com/rants/5054467/...
Over the last couple sprints and then some, The Witcher Who Writes and the Butchers of Jarfile had studied the decompiled guts of the Undocumented Java Beast and finally derived (most of) the process by which the data was transformed. They even built a model to replicate the results in small scale.
But when such process was presented to the Priests of Accounting at the Temple of Cash-Flow, chaos ensued.
This cannot be! - cried the priests - You must be wrong!
Wrong, the Witchers were not. In every single test case the Priests of Accounting threw at the Witchers, their model predicted perfectly what would be registered by the Undocumented Java Tool at the very end.
It was not the Witchers. The process was corrupted at its essence.
The Witchers reconvened at their fortress of Sprint. In the dark room of Standup, the leader of their order, wise beyond his years (and there were plenty of those), in a deep and solemn voice, there declared:
"Guys, we must not fuck this up." (actual quote)
For the leader of the witchers had just returned from a war council at the capitol of the province. There, heading a table boarding the Archpriest of Accounting, the Augur of Economics, the Marketing Spymaster and Admiral of the Fleet, was the Ciefoh Seat himself.
They had heard rumors about the Order of the Witchers' battles and operations. They wanted to know more.
It was quiet that night in the flat and cloudy plains of Cluster of Sparks and Storms. The Ciefoh Seat had ordered the thunder to stay silent, so that the forces of whole cluster would be available for the Witchers.
The cluster had solid ground for Hive and Parquet turf, and extended from the Connection River to farther than the horizon.
The Witcher Who Writes, seated high atop his war-elephant, looked at the massive battle formations behind.
The frontline were all war-elephants of Hadoop, their mahouts the Witchers themselves.
For the right flank, the Red Port of Redis had sent their best connectors - currency conversions would happen by the hundreds, instantly and always updated.
The left flank had the first and second army of Coroutine Jugglers, trained by the Witchers. Their swift catapults would be able to move data to and from the JIRA cities. No data point will be left behind.
At the center were thousands of Sparks mounting their RDD warhorses. Organized in formations designed by the Witchers and the Priestesses of Accounting, those armoured and strong units were native to this cloudy landscape. This was their home, and they were ready to defend it.
For the enemy could be seen in the horizon.
There were terabytes of data crossing the Stony Event Bridge. Hundreds of millions of datapoints, eager to flood the memory of every system and devour the processing time of every node on sight.
For the Ciefoh Seat, in his fury about the wrong calculations of the processes of the past, had ruled that the Witchers would not simply reshape the data from now on.
The Witchers were to process the entire historical ledger of transactions. And be done before the end of the month.
The metrics rumbled under the weight of terabytes of data crossing the Event Bridge. With fire in their eyes, the war-elephants in the frontline advanced.
Hundreds of data points would be impaled by their tusks and trampled by their feet, pressed into the parquet and hive grounds. But hundreds more would take their place. There were too many data points for the Hadoop war-elephants alone.
But the dawn will come.
When the night seemed darker, the Witchers heard a thunder, and the skies turned red. The Sparks were on the move.
Riding into the parquet and hive turf, impaling scores of data points with their long SIMD lances and chopping data off with their Scala swords, the Sparks burned through the enemy like fire.
The second line of the sparks would pick data off to be sent by the Coroutine Jugglers to JIRA. That would provoke even more data to cross the Event Bridge, but the third line of Sparks were ready for it - those data would be pierced by the rounds provided by the Red Port of Redis, and sent back to JIRA - for good.
They fought for six days and six nights, taking turns so that the battles would not stop. And then, silence. The day was won, all the data crushed into hive and parquet.
Short-lived was the relief. The Witchers knew that the enemy in combat is but a shadow of the troubles that approach. Politics and greed and grudge are all next in line. Are the Witchers heroes or marauders? The aftermath is to come, and I will keep you posted.4 -
This makes me laugh a lot. I changed my online ledger app to use a unicode character in the URL, which I should probably just use a rewrite rule to accomplish, but for now just to see if it works I tried it out. After confirming that it does, I commited it.
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Nearly same time as the "don't be evil" got removed from google pages, an old internal video leaked about some futuristic concept, where the AI would try to gather as much data as possible from a user and if not possible, suggest devices with discount (e.g. a scale), that can return that data to the AI or if there's no fitting product, just print or make it based on the previously collected data (favorite color, ..) and suggest that to the user to buy, all since google duplex, anything mentioning google has been outscoring the previous idea 😶
src: https://youtu.be/iqUCX5rPQug
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Google hitting nails on their own coffins. Coming from someone outside the organisation can be discarded as a way of ruining the company's image, but when you see the words "Google, For Internal Use Only", even a Google fanboi(I am guilty of being one) has to accept that this can have adverse effects, not now probably but in the long run definitely.
Presenting, Google's Selfish Ledger
https://theverge.com/2018/5/...2 -
I dug up my old ledger web app that I wrote when I was in my late twenties, as I realized with a tight budget toward the end of this year, I need to get a good view of future balances. The data was encrypted in gpg text files, but the site itself was unencrypted, with simple httpasswd auth. I dove into the code this week, and fixed a lot of crap that was all terrible practice, but all I knew when I wrote it in the mid-2000s. I grabbed a letsencrypt cert, and implemented cookies and session handling. I moved from the code opening and parsing a large gpg file to storing and retrieving all the data in a Redis backend, for a massive performance gain. Finally, I switched the UI from white to dark. It looks and works great, and most importantly, I have that future view that I needed.1
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Chinese remainder theorem
So the idea is that a partial or zero knowledge proof is used for not just encryption but also for a sort of distributed ledger or proof-of-membership, in addition to being used to add new members where additional layers of distributive proofs are at it, so that rollbacks can be performed on a network to remove members or revoke content.
Data is NOT automatically distributed throughout a network, rather sharing is the equivalent of replicating and syncing data to your instance.
Therefore if you don't like something on a network or think it's a liability (hate speech for the left, violent content for the right for example), the degree to which it is not shared is the degree to which it is censored.
By automatically not showing images posted by people you're subscribed to or following, infiltrators or state level actors who post things like calls to terrorism or csam to open platforms in order to justify shutting down platforms they don't control, are cut off at the knees. Their may also be a case for tools built on AI that automatically determine if something like a thumbnail should be censored or give the user an NSFW warning before clicking a link that may appear innocuous but is actually malicious.
Server nodes may be virtual in that they are merely a graph of people connected in a group by each person in the group having a piece of a shared key.
Because Chinese remainder theorem only requires a subset of all the info in the original key it also Acts as a voting mechanism to decide whether a piece of content is allowed to be synced to an entire group or remain permanently.
Data that hasn't been verified yet may go into a case for a given cluster of users who are mutually subscribed or following in a small world graph, but at the same time it doesn't get shared out of that subgraph in may expire if enough users don't hit a like button or a retain button or a share or "verify" button.
The algorithm here then is no algorithm at all but merely the natural association process between people and their likes and dislikes directly affecting the outcome of what they see via that process of association to begin with.
We can even go so far as to dog food content that's already been synced to a graph into evolutions of the existing key such that the retention of new generations of key, dependent on the previous key, also act as a store of the data that's been synced to the members of the node.
Therefore remember that continually post content that doesn't get verified slowly falls out of the node such that eventually their content becomes merely temporary in the cases or index of the node members, driving index and node subgraph membership in an organic and natural process based purely on affiliation and identification.
Here I've sort of butchered the idea of the Chinese remainder theorem in shoehorned it into the idea of zero knowledge proofs but you can see where I'm going with this if you squint at the idea mentally and look at it at just the right angle.
The big idea was to remove the influence of centralized algorithms to begin with, and implement mechanisms such that third-party organizations that exist to discredit or shut down small platforms are hindered by the design of the platform itself.
I think if you look over the ideas here you'll see that's what the general design thrust achieves or could achieve if implemented into a platform.
The addition of indexes in a node or "server" or "room" (being a set of users mutually subscribed to a particular tag or topic or each other), where the index is an index of text audio videos and other media including user posts that are available on the given node, in the index being titled but blind links (no pictures/media, or media verified as safe through an automatic tool) would also be useful.12 -
I wonder if crypto exchanges are so damn vulnerable or just so transparent.
I mean, it is impossible to scroll tech articles for more than a few seconds before stumbling on a report of yet another crypto exchange being nicked a couple hundred mil USD.
- It could be that their security severely sucks (wouldn't blame them for it, most businesses do suck at securing shit).
- It could be that the entire black hat community is putting it's might on stealing money that is so fucking easy to launder.
- It could be that is damn nigh impossible to cover up a crypto hack since the evidence of coins drifting away is forever on display in the public ledger, and in that case crypto companies are not hacked more often than regular companies, they are just much more often publically shamed for it.
- It could be a mix of all the above, but my intuition is that one factor is more relevant.
Which would be the most relevant factor? One of the above or yet another attack vector to the stupidest value conduit ever?5 -
Totally done with all the blockchain hype. Plz when I need a distributed secure ledger over time functionality I will be the first to consider bc. But until then just stfu1
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I absolutely hate Sage, it's like getting stabbed repeated to then discover the previous stabbing didn't actually do anything so you have to get stabbed again, like why can I not just export a whole ledger at once? Why do I have to do it a page at a fucking time?
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I Could Hardly Breathe! Months of tireless fundraising had finally come through for my small nonprofit, and we had $300,000 in Bitcoin to supply food, shelter, and medical aid to refugees fleeing war. That fund was hope, a future for families who had no other place to turn. It all fell apart in an instant. Our treasurer, a man I'd trusted like a brother, vanished overnight and took the entire fund with him. I was heartbroken. The weight of the people who were depending on us pressed against my chest. I could hardly breathe. I looked at my screen, powerless to do anything as the blockchain ledger confirmed my worst nightmare, the funds had been moved through a series of wallets, vanished into thin air.
Sleepless and remorseful, I consulted a crisis management expert in a desperate phone call. With the calm, panic-slashing tone of her voice, she spoke GRAYWARE TECH SERVICES . Her confidence was the sort that spoke of seen miracles. At that straw of hope, I grasped and called them immediately.
From that first call, GRAYWARE TECH SERVICES treated my case like those refugee lives were in their own hands. Their lead investigator explained their approach, tracing transactions through blockchains, monitoring wallet activity, and leveraging relationships with international exchanges. They explained it all in plain terms, never once making me feel dumb for my ignorance. They understood both the technical complexity and the human stakes.
There were daily progress reports. They followed the laundering path our treasurer had attempted, following the trail through the decentralized exchanges and privacy-focused mixers. Each breakthrough was like a heartbeat resuscitating a stilled chest. On the nineteenth day, they called with the words I had scarcely dared to hope: "We got it back."
I got down on my knees and wept. $300,000 was safely recovered to our nonprofit wallet. But GRAYWARE TECH SERVICES didn't hesitate. They guided us through implementing enhanced security measures, such as multi-signature wallets, cold storage solutions, and rigorous internal oversight. They even advised us on vetting future financial officers.
Our mission is stronger today than ever. Refugee families are still being assisted, and I sleep well knowing our funds are secure. GRAYWARE TECH SERVICES not only retrieved our Bitcoin, they restored my faith in resiliency and human kindness.
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ETHEREUM AND USDT RECOVERY EXPERT- HIRE SALVAGE ASSET RECOVERY
The moment my Bitcoin wallet froze mid-transfer, stranding $410,000 in cryptographic limbo, I felt centuries of history slip through my fingers. That balance wasn’t just wealth; it was a lifeline for forgotten libraries, their cracked marble floors and water-stained manuscripts waiting to breathe again. The migration glitch struck like a corrupted index: one second, funds flowed smoothly; the next, the transaction hung “Unconfirmed,” its ID number mocking me in glowing red. Days bled into weeks as support tickets evaporated into corporate ether. I’d haunt the stacks of my local library, tracing fingers over brittle Dickens volumes, whispering, “I’m sorry,” to ghosts of scholars past. Then, Marian—a silver-haired librarian with a crypto wallet tucked beside her ledger found me slumped at a mahogany study carrel. “You’ve got the blockchain stare,” she murmured, pressing a Post-it into my palm.
Salvage Asset Recovery. “They resurrected my nephew’s Ethereum after a smart contract imploded. Go.”
I emailed them at midnight, my screen’s blue glare mixing with moonlight through stained-glass windows. By dawn, their engineers had dissected the disaster. The glitch, they explained, wasn’t a hack but a protocol mismatch, a handshake between wallet versions that failed mid-encryption, freezing funds like a book jammed in a pneumatic tube. “Your Bitcoin isn’t lost,” assured a specialist named Leo. “It’s stuck in a cryptographic limbo. We’ll debug the transaction layer by layer.”
Thirteen days of nerve-shredding limbo followed. I’d refresh blockchain explorers obsessively, clinging to updates: “Reverse-engineering OP_RETURN outputs…” “Bypassing nonce errors—progress at 72%...” My library blueprints, quotes for climate-controlled archives, plans for AR-guided tours sat untouched, their ink fading under my doubt. Then, on a frostbitten morning, the email arrived: “Transaction invalidated. Funds restored.” I watched, trembling, as my wallet repopulated $410,000 glowing like a Gutenberg Bible under museum lights.
Salvage Asset Recovery didn’t just reclaim my Bitcoin; they salvaged a bridge between past and future. Today, the first restored library stands in a 19th-century bank building, its vault now a digital archive where blockchain ledgers track preservation efforts. Patrons sip fair-trade coffee under vaulted ceilings, swiping NFTs that unlock rare manuscript scans, a symbiosis of parchment and Python code.
These assets are more than technicians; they’re custodians of legacy. When code fails, they speak its dead languages, reviving what the digital world dismisses as lost. And to Marian, who now hosts Bitcoin literacy workshops between poetry readings, you were the guardian angel this techno-hermit didn’t know to pray for.
If your crypto dreams stall mid-flight, summon Salvage Asset Recovery. They’ll rewrite the code, rebuild the bridge, and ensure history never becomes a footnote. All thanks to Salvage Asset Recovery- their contact info
TELEGRAM---@Salvageasset
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