A human cell has 75MB of DNA information, a sperm cell has half A human cell has 75MB of DNA of it 37.5MB, a milliliter of semen has 100 million sperm cels, on average, a ejaculation lasts 5 seconds and has 2.24 milliliters of Semen.

That means a man is able to produce: 37.5MB x 100,000, 000 x 2.25/5 = 1.687.500,000.000.000 bytes/sec 1,6875 Terabytes/sec;

That means a ovule is able to recive a dDOS attack of 1,6 terabytes per second and only lets one package pass, making it THE BEST FIREWALL IN THE WORLD

Preface: This client, let's call him dickhead, is running a successful brick-and-mortar based business in one of the top cities of the world. He is highly qualified in a non-IT field.

Rant: This son of a shitbag things he knows everything because he can search on Google, has a degree, owns an expensive business, and of course has money. Does not listen to my suggestions on which framework to use, how to integrate stuff, etc. because he thinks he is the fucking father of Linus Torvalds, and Linus built Linux kernel out of his super-intelligent sperm.

But that titbag can't understand the simple fact that he has spent the last 2 fucking years building stupid websites which he thought from his brain located alongside his balls. None of those websites are in the condition to launch, forget making a difference. Primary reason being using wrong frameworks for wrong purpose, but his half-assed brain can't understand this.

When you have to wait int32.MaxValue for your train

During resignation discussion with delivery manager at my previous organisation, he told me that I should join a start up. (I was planning to do that, and he knew somehow.)

He warned me in weird concerning way that if I join a start up, I will always be in stress. I will have high BP. And sperm count will reduce. I might never be able to produce child. And similar scary stuff.

Weird bald dude scared me for second there.

PS - I did join the start up and my BP is fine and so is my sperm count.

So we're working on a few initial apps for a hackercamp and finetuning the OS. We've been coding for like 17-18 hours trying to finish this off without a day 1 patch on the event itself, when someone starts swearing like a sailor. We walk past him take a look at his code and see that he's started an array at 3 instead of 0. He's one of the more experienced members on the team so this is a lack of sleep bug rather than a not knowing. To this day whenever someone makes an array error in their code someone always shouts "Arrays start at 3 right"!

Maybe not the most satisfying bugs but man is it funny as hell.

Dear school,
even when I'm drunk like now, i still feel a pain in the ass, you know, like if i tried to do a fcking reverse tombstone with a beer bottle in my asshole.

This is the end of my sixth year. Yup, 3 years network/system admin, and now 3 years programming.

Now what, you were useless, didn't teach me anything, i feel like the chimp's sperm filled leprous mare that write planning for the year just want us to learn french and laws.(oh, the chimp as IST prolly.)

You ruinned me, I'm fcking poor now, but i have a degree (yolo)..

Well, you gave me some friends.. thanks for that you dumbass.

Dear teacher, i want to know, why are you so incompetent ? I mean, did you find your degree in Mother of shit' school as me ?

And also, pleaseee : next time i get an exam on a specific software that runs only on windows, i'll probably kill the fcking entire classroom, and this include you, and your merkel's ass licker familly.

That's it, random post, some hate, sorry fellow ranters, have a good day!

$test = TRUE;
$baby = TRUE;
$egg = 1
$sperm = 1;

if ($test != 'TRUE') {
print "No Baby.";
} else {
foreach($eggs as $egg)
{
$baby = count($egg + $sperm);
return $baby;
printf("Congratulations");
}
}

the average sperm cell contains 37.5 mb of data

When I was 6yo I was playing next to my dad with his old PC on a good old CRT a game called “Sperms” where you catch sperm with condoms and every time you do it made a really loud “YIPPIE” sound. I was playing this game for 4 years.

Somewhere around when I was 10 my dad told me we should build a PC and I was asking “Why does everyone has to make their own PC?”, I didn’t yet know what an cheap ass my dad is, so we did. Had a lot of fun and was very scared of the PSU, like really scared.

It blew up a few months later because I switched the toggle on the back from 220v to 110v, and got even more scared of PSU’s until I started an electricians apprentice.

Anyways, one day my dad and I where at a friends place and I played Tux Racer on his super loud Maschine that would crash if you kept the side door of the table closed, it ran some kind of Linux and I was fascinated how “simple and clean” it looks. I got a mini-cd to install it at home and immediately was hooked because the windows installation was such a pain in the arse those years. I did that all by myself just because I also wanted to play Tux Racer at home.

Anyways, somewhere right before GTA IV came out I started with VB.Net and ever since I was totally hooked and spend more time doing that than actually going to school.

My dad didn’t care and just let me do this, my mum just made sure I would have been up at least after the first lession, I don’t miss the bus and that I went to bed in a timely manner, which never happened because the PC was in my room and my mum slept downstairs and couldn’t notice that I was doing script kiddie things after an hour or so of “sleeping”.

So yeah, they didn’t care and were happy I didn’t annoy them.

Actually I didn’t wanted to become a developer because I always wanted to have it be a hobby or something and I liked woodwork more, but then people more qualified than me were more stupid than this script kiddie that still just wanted to play Tux Racer. That’s it.

Listen, i really understand you want to know how much a certain resource is downloaded/viewed and so on. But what gets on my nerves is to sign up my email address every fucking time i want to see your semi-tech-but-actually-selling-you-a-pile-of-sperm-fermented-shit whitepaper . yes i know there is something called disposable email adresses and such... But if stuff is 'free' as you say you have, then make it available free!

Every time i think 'hey, this is actually relevant to my interests, let me read up more on that...' i hit the fucking 'insert your email for a free download'

Fuck off! Put your fucking form in the pits of hell and seal it in a fucking fucking dome next to fucking research subject akira with 99 fucking layers of fucking nuclear blast proof wall domes! I dont want you to fucking send me your fucking spam mails about every ideafart your sales dept has fired becausz they were high on computer cleaner spray tubes and thought 'let's trick those stupid people into our marketing scheme', go and fucking jump into a barrel of highly concentrated radioactive waste!

The only thing you manage to do for me like that is to fucking close the tab i had a slight interest in and never look back again!

Am i the only one getting angry about this?

Doing a physical scan of PC's in my network for anything that shouldn't be there. Find a Filezilla open for a "Roblox Generator"

Spent rest of day making a bot in Python to spam the registration with fake accounts.
Not on my network you don't!

Anybody else got stories like this?

Lee Quessenberry [7:43 AM]
Michael is learning about stylesheets from Hubspot. HO LEEE SHEEEIT

Joe Makarski [7:43 AM]
dood. those hubspot stylehseets are soooo insane

Lee Quessenberry [7:43 AM]
I know! LOL

[7:43]
Better him than me

Joe Makarski [7:44 AM]
it's like Dreamweaver and Adobe's other web app eat each other

[7:44]
ate*

Lee Quessenberry [7:44 AM]
and after they get done eating each other they go to the sperm bank and get knocked up by microsoft frontpage.

Joe Makarski [7:44 AM]
seriously.

Lee Quessenberry [7:45 AM]
WTF

And how often do you have such thoughts?

Sometimes I feel too lonely. Even during masturbation. Then I work under running water from the tap. Feeling as if someone else is next to us and we are doing it together. It is especially nice when my sperm and water merge in one stream. It's like we're pushing ourselves to the limit at the same time...

!dev
The conversation with my friend.

friend: "So you are getting a new Job?"
me : "Yea, maybe I will start a business tho. btw , what you do for a living now?"
friend: "I fap for living."
me: "aacha? come on serious."
friend :"serious only I am telling. I donate my sperm for RM150 per sample."
me: "WTF"
friend: "yeap. and that's how I made more virgin marry with my donation."
me: "YUCKS, stop it."