A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.

Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"

I took a civil service exam October last year, the list of passers where posted in the government website last December. My name wasn't on the list. I was heart broken. :'(
I wasn't able to apply for the job I wanted. I thought that I'm so stupid I can't even pass an exam.
I was depressed for almost a month.
Then yesterday, a friend of mine was searching google since I refuse to tell her my middle name.
Suddenly she exclaimed, wow! you're a civil service exam passer!
I was shocked beyond belief!
I checked the website, my name is still not there. HAHA. (deep inside it hurts)
I cursed my friend for trolling me but she swear that it's true. She sent me the link and BOOM! my name is on the list of APRIL passers!
WHAT THE HECK???
i just verified through phone that I actually passed and that it was an error on their website that included me on the wrong list. I don't know whether to be angry or pleased. lol XD

A system administrator has two problems:
1. stupid users
2. smart users

All things have ends. Nothing lasts
If I am currently sad, this situation will pass.
If I am currently happy, this situation will pass too.

If there is a bug, boss like shit.. it'll pass, it doesn't deserve to be that sad ans depressed..

If there is no bug, and the work is perfect.. it'll pass.. there will be moments when sadness come..

it's just everything is going, nothing deserves to be sad or that happy.

!rant
The change log from notepad++ update. The last paragraph is the cream!

" The issue of a hijacked DLL concerns scilexer.dll (needed by Notepad++) on a compromised PC, which is replaced by a modified scilexer.dll built by the CIA. When Notepad++ is launched, the modified scilexer.dll is loaded instead of the original one.
It doesn't mean that CIA is interested in your coding skill or in your sex message content typed in Notepad++, but rather it prevents raising any red flags while the DLL does data collection in the background.

It's not a vulnerability/security issue in Notepad++, but for remedying this issue, from this release (v7.3.3) forward, notepad++.exe checks the certificate validation in scilexer.dll before loading it. If the certificate is missing or invalid, then it just won't be loaded, and Notepad++ will fail to launch.

Checking the certificate of DLL makes it harder to hack. Note that once users’ PCs are compromised, the hackers can do anything on the PCs. This solution only prevents from Notepad++ loading a CIA homemade DLL. It doesn't prevent your original notepad++.exe from being replaced by modified notepad++.exe while the CIA is controlling your PC.

Just like knowing the lock is useless for people who are willing to go into my house, I still shut the door and lock it every morning when I leave home. We are in a f**king corrupted world, unfortunately. "

I want a devRant coffee mug 😊

Its only been 5 mins in the app...already feeling at home.

@dfox how about a Devrant themed Rubber Duck for the store? 😁

!rant

Customer: What's the difference between an antivirus and an antimalware?

Me: *thinks for a second* So an antimalware program is like if you're on a beach with a metal detector. You're looking around for metal that's already buried in the sand. An antivirus is like actively watching people for if they drop metal on the ground.

Customer: That's an interesting analogy.

Coworker: *quietly* That's a actually a really good analogy...

!Rant

Convinced my girlfriend to learn UI/UX design. She landed her first job last week and it's a good one :)

So proud

If Doctors Were Like Coders
(cross-posted from https://medium.com/@c09b6133a238/...)

Problem: The patient has a broken leg.

Solution:

1. Ask the patient to reproduce the exact scenario that resulted in the broken leg. Watch closely to see if the leg breaks again. Check for consistency by repeating the scenario a few more times.

2. Explain that this isn’t an intended use case for the leg, and besides, it only affects one person. Ask the patient if, all things considered, he really wants to prioritize his broken leg over your other work.

3. Point out that the patient’s other leg performs just fine under the same circumstances. Ask if he can use his other leg instead, at least as a workaround.

4. Attach several accelerometers to the broken leg and break it again. Stare at the data received from the accelerometers, then shrug and declare it useless.

5. Decide that the patient’s problem must be in his spleen. After all, that’s the only part of his body you don’t really understand.

6. Track down the people who created the patient. Ask them if he’s ever had spleen problems before. When they seem confused, explain that he has a broken leg. Ignore them when they tell you that the spleen they created could not possibly cause a broken leg.

7. Ask Google where a person’s spleen is. Spend half an hour reading the Wikipedia article on Splenomegaly.

8. Open the patient and grumble about how tightly-coupled his spleen and circulatory system are. Examine the spleen’s outer surface to see if there are any obvious problems. Inform him that several of his organs are very old and he should consider replacing them with something more modern.

9. Compare the spleen to some pictures of spleens online. If anything looks different, try to make it look the same.

10. Remove the spleen completely. See if the patient’s leg is still broken. If so, put the spleen back in.

11. Tell the patient that you’ve noticed his body is made almost entirely out of cellular tissue, whereas most bodies these days are made out of cardboard. Explain that cardboard is a lot easier for beginners to understand, it’s more forgiving of newbie mistakes, and it’s the tissue franca of the Internet. Ask if he’d like you to rebuild his body with cardboard. It will take you longer, but then his body would be future-proof and dead simple. He could probably even fix it himself the next time it breaks.

12. Spend some time exploring the lymph nodes in the patient’s abdominal cavity. Accidentally discover that if the patient’s leg is held immobile for six weeks, it gets better.

13. Charge the patient for six weeks of work.

Logins should be unique

GF: I'm unable to undo my zip, help
Me: ctrl Z
GF: what!
Me: what? Oh.

(She left me the week after :'| )

When you spend the entire afternoon wondering why a simple piece of out-of-date php doesn't work. Then you reboot the server and realise the IT Crowd taught you everything.

30 year old starting to learn to code. Wish me luck!

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”

The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”

The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”

At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”