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Stop f*cking calling me minority or part of a underrepresented group. Yeah I noticed I am one of the only women on a conference. I DONT CARE, I AM A PROGRAMMER NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. Hire me for my work, not because you want you company to be more diverse.50
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Things I've learned throughout my 5 - 6 years as a programmer.
- StackOverflow is full of assholes.
- CMS's are for weaklings.
- The best feeling about waking up in the morning is figuring out how to solve that error in your code.
- You no longer think about normal people things. Your mind is full of code.
- You're practically a computer.
- ALWAYS backup and save your stuff or you WILL regret it. Enable autosave if possible.
- RIP your social life (if your friends don't know squat about programming)
- Darkness is better.
- Being a programmer is amazing.26 -
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."11
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Something which I felt inspirational.. As a programmer or as a Human being, it's our duty to teach others what we know well !
(My Personal opinion)
36 -
I got my first job as a programmer... for a salary twice as big as we had at home for four people. I'm f***ing excited!
Wish me luck :)14 -
!Rant
Thought this was kind of funny for us lady devs/programmers, and something we can relate to.
The lady in the image is an engineer/programmer and is getting married but doesn't have any girlfriends (since she works in a mostly male oriented field, like us). So instead of having female bridesmaids she had her close brogrammers / college classmates stand up in her wedding with her. I mean, it was probably less drama, anyways! 😂
I'm the only girl on my team so I def relate!
*not my pic*
23 -
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty and an empty one, in case he doesn't.5
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im a programmer.
Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?
Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....
Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.18 -
Being a programmer:
If you ain't questing your life from time to time, you are not doing it right.4 -
I am a programmer, and if you ask me to fix your pc, I accept the challenge... After all, I can Google a problem and implement a solution like no other, you are right to have come to me.5
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A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."1 -
"Programmers are persons that convert caffeine into code". Every time i see this quote, i ask myself: Am i the only one? (non-coffee drinking programmer)31
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Saw an add on my fb feed:
"We will make you a programmer in 6 weeks" - course in programming.
6 f*king weeks! I've been studying 5 years, wrote down butt loads of code, debugged billions of bugs, read hundreds pages of documentation and I wouldn't call my self a full developed programmer.
But hey, those fu*kers will make you a programmer in 6 weeks!15 -
I know a guy, about 50 years old. He is a self-taught programmer since he was young, and he has always used Visual Basic (never anything newer than VB6).
He once needed to interface with a web application I wrote, so I asked him to send me a POST HTTP request. He didn't know what I was talking about. No notion of REST, sockets, HTTP, nothing.
The he showed me his code. Actually, his codes. He had multiple copies of the project, one for each version, and he even kept multiple variations of the software in different separate folders. He probably doesn't know what "version control" even means.
You think this is messy. You didn't see the actual code (it's a huge application!).
Spaghetti all over the place. Meaningful variable names, what are they? Default names for the controls, like button1, button2, etc, with forms with more than 30 buttons and text fields. This was the most incomprensibile code I have ever seen.
You might think that this guy is just a hobbyist.
No.
He sells his applications. To companies. They are obviously full of errors, but they buy them.
Now, if you're still with me, two questions come into my mind:
- why?? I hate this, because it's impossible to prove to a non-technical person that this is *not* software development.
- how do I know that, to someone else, I am not like him? How can I be sure that I know and will know what needs to be known?5 -
The Absolutely True Story of a Real Programmer Who Never Learned C.
I have a young friend named Sam who is quite a programming prodigy. Sam does know C! I need to make this clear: he’s not the titular programmer.
But a couple years ago Sam told me a story about a different programmer who never learned C, and I liked it so much that right on the spot I asked his permission to repeat it. (I could never just steal such a tale.)
Sam wasn’t always a programmer—actually he started in his later teens, in part because he was more of a jock, and in part because he was related to programmers and wanted to do his own thing. But, like all great programmers, once he was bitten by the bug he immersed himself completely in it.
One day Sam happened to be talking programming with his uncle, who was also a programmer but from way, way back.
“Hey,” said Sam, “I’m learning this language called C. You must know a lot of languages, did you ever study C?”
“No,” said the uncle, to Sam’s surprise. “I am one of the very few programmers who never had to learn C.”
“Because I wrote it.”
Oh, Sam’s last name is Ritchie.
What I love about this story is the idea of Dennis waiting Sam’s entire life to deliver this zinger. Just imagine sitting on a line that good, watching your nephew grow up and waiting, waiting until the one day he finally starts learning to code. Did he work on the line in his head at night? Like, “Hmm, how should I word it so I can deliver the punch line perfectly? Should I say ‘I never took a class on C?’ Nah, too awkward…”
The great thing about geniuses is how much effort they put into everything.
Courtesy : Wil Shiply.5 -
You notice that you're a programmer when you automatically put a semicolon behind a closing bracket in an email instead of a dot.4
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Hunted a bug for 8 hours, thinking it was a problem in my code....
Found out it was someone else's code generator that injected the bug...
Contacted the concerned dev... Had to convince him for another 3 hours that it was his change to the code that caused the issue. He is still sure that his change can't break the code...... What the fuck are you..? A fucking God programmer who never makes mistakes??
I mean how hard is it to just accept when I just proved it to you??6 -
Scrolling on Medium I came across this article, about a girl dating a programmer.. 😂😂 😂
https://hackernoon.com/dating-a-pro...22 -
One of my friend's was watching me code. When I got an error, this is what he said.
"You got a big error, so you must be a bad programmer"6 -
1. Decide to learn optimisation algorithms
2. Realise that you have forgotten calculus
3. Decide to learn from the beginning
4. Search for tutorials
5. Go through the introduction parts
6. You know that you can't complete
7. You watch other entertainment things on YouTube.
Stories of a lazy programmer...11 -
So... I was watching this ad of this University offering a software course... Can you notice something weird about the code? Hahaha
The subtitles say: "I'm a Programmer"
6 -
So apparently I am not a programmer because I turn tea into software. :(
Anyone else feeling discriminated by this definition? :D
11 -
I just saw this picture on the product page of a Thunderbolt dock. I'm not sure what this guy is doing, but no programmer of the world would mirror his laptop screen on two full size screens. Just no!
11 -
Why is it so important to some people to claim that "HTML and CSS are not programming languages"? I get it, you're a REAL programmer working with arrays, maybe tuples, objects and possibly direct memory management. Who the fuck has a right to call themselves a programmer for writing some brain dead markup or poorly designed selectors, right? Who fucking cares for semantic tags or nested selectors?
Just think for a few seconds about when you were taking your first baby steps to becoming the GOD ROCKING MEMORY HANDLER THAT WRITES _REAL_ CODE that you are today, and how good it felt to be able to create something that appeared on your screen. It felt pretty awesome, yeah?
Now imagine if someone much more experienced than you told you "You're not a real programmer, that is not real programming. You should see what I do, I do real programming".
I think you get it. Why spend your energy spreading bad vibes when you could spend it on something more productive. Like reading up on the new CSS4 specs ;)18 -
A Java, Python, and C++ programmer are shown a glass that is half-full.
Java programmer - This glass is half-full.
Python programmer - This glass is half-empty.
C++ programmer - This glass is twice as large as necessary.11 -
Well, i have a few stories i would like to share with you :)
My neighbour asked me to fix her webcam.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a repair service .
Next time my neighbour forgot her Skype password. Se asked me to hack it for her.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a hacker.
My sister asked me to help her out in her program, because of some bug. Well, she is in the other part of the Country. But, i said, lets give it a try.
Well, it turned out to be some kind of mechanical remote scanner, with needed that exact same remote locally.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a fictional remote signal scanner repairer.
My grandpa asked me, to copy his old gmail emails into his new laptop.
Well, i told him to log in. He logged in. Than i told him: It is done :D
Thanks for reading it :)4 -
You know you're a programmer when you type git instead of gut (good in German) and autocorrect thinks it's ok...9
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Some are taking it as a holiday, others still have to meet deadlines while being quarantined.
Source: I am Programmer,I have no life.
5 -
!rant
Is it just me or does being a programmer sometimes feel like being a magician. It's such a weird profession. You're living in a bubble, nothing you create is physically tangible, yet anything is possible, and there is always more learn.
Most of the time it's art. Commenting out dead or obsolete code instead of removing it just because it feels like you put a little bit of yourself into it, even though it has no use anymore.
I sometimes wonder if there is any other profession out there that makes you ride the same rollercoaster of satisfaction, frustration, glory and defeat we've all been on.3 -
By looking at our source code, I see what makes a bad programmer. I see "invalid data" in error logs, guess which of the following 3 conditions caused this:
function somefunc() {
if(condition_1) {
throw "invalid data"
}
if(condition_2) {
throw "invalid data"
}
if(condition_3) {
throw "invalid data"
}
return some_response;
}4 -
There are 2 kind of programmer.
The first kind is the kind who love to create useful software/product, they would use the same tool/language/technique over and over again but focus on the use case. They end up having few really good softwares.
The later kind have more tendency about clean code. They are passionate about algorithms and design patterns. They can write a todo list app in 100 of different ways. They often pick up new technology, they rarely have something made coz they feel superior knowing different kinds of framework.
Which one is better software developer? Either one is better than the other, coz it's different pursuit. Like Thomas vs Tesla, we need these 2 kind of people in the industry.3 -
It's easy to multitask these two things.
"Being" a programmer and "being" single.
Trust me, there are no easier ones than these.1 -
rant.
when you're a programmer surrounded by designer friends, it feels frustrating sometimes.
people appreciate what they do more because they can clearly see the end product: beautifully designed ui, animated splash screens, clean colorful themes. even though it probably does squat other than to print statements.
then they look at your overly simple design and cant see the beautiful underlying code within.
end rant.3 -
Programmer on his wedding day
Share this with a friend who'll be fixing issues and answering client calls on their wedding 😂🤣
9 -
When I am telling non-tech people that I am studying Software Engineering:
They: What do you study at university?
Me: Software Engineering
They: Oh, so you're an engineer! My *some random person* is also an engineer!
Me: No, not that kind of engineer. I am a SOFTWARE engineer. I don't build things.
They: huh?
Me: I write code. Programs. For computers. I a programmer.
They: oh, great, very perspective! Will you fix my *PC/printer/whatever has on/off button on it*?
😶😶😶4 -
So, I told my programmer friend to bring food for us while you are out.
He has still not came, Should I be worried ?2 -
Being a Programmer:
My mom said:
"Honey, please go to the market and buy 1 bottle of milk. If they have eggs, bring 6"
I came back with 6 bottles of milk.
She said: "Why the hell did you buy 6 bottles of milk?"
BECAUSE THEY HAD EGGS!!!!3 -
I wonder, Can a programmer survive without StackOverflow !! What if Google goes off for some days!! Life without these legends. Huh..🤔14
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Knowing how to write doesn't make you a writer. Knowing how to program doesn't make you a programmer.9
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Interviewer: "Is studying computer science the best way to prepare to be a programmer?"
Bill Gates: "No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, and to study great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their operating system." -
Friend: what do you do?
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: could you fix my computer ?
Me: Kill Me(Thinks). -
When I say "I'm a programmer", Please, don't ask me to install windows for you. It it isn't my full time job.10
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So basically, we're all just constantly writing legacy code of the future. RIP programmer kids of today.4
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What is the condition to join two tables ?
Programmer: primary keys match.
Non-Programmer: The tables height must match.😐1 -
Day 3 : without seeing a monitor and programming.
I caught an eye infection and stopped my world and I could literally do nothing but sit tight. I have unfinished tasks but health is imprortant.2 -
!rant
As a programmer I feel that i write instructions for the machine's heartbeat.
Single repetitive pattern to be performed for gazillion number of times.
And all that matters is how that heartbeat goes. As long as this one is fine, the next one should be mostly fine. -
do not use the word coder please.
if you write code, you're a programmer. if you call yourself a coder, you're either a sixth grader who just learned about the terminal, or an idiot.14 -
As a programmer doing sports, the only thing I think is: Shit, when my MacBook falls down, I will lose 13 unpushed commits.
10 -
Mind of a programmer in an Interview be like:-
Interviewer:- What's your name?
Programmer:- My name is Alice. (In mind printf("my name is %s ",name);)
Interviewer:- Where are you from?
Programmer:- India. (In mind location = &India;)16 -
Wondering how many of you have ADD/ADHD, diagnosed or not. I've heard people say that many programmers have ADD or ADHD and that it generally makes them a better programmer. I myself have ADD and I feel like it makes me a better programmer, but I have to work harder at paying attention to my wife/social life.24
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Being a programmer and had to read scientific papers is the worst. the way they name variables in the pseudocodes making me puke.3
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A programmer is a person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have in a way you don't understand.
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The problem with being a designer and a programmer is that Photoshop and Illustrator is on Windows and I code on Ubuntu.
You have to restart and boot a different OS everytime goddamnit12 -
"You're a programmer, dammit!" Damian Conway
I'm at a seminar given by Conway right now, so much stuff I wish I had heard before about how to be more productive and how to stay "in the zone" while programming without distractions. If any of you ever gets a chance of following one of his seminars (he also wrote books), it's highly recommended.4 -
Programmer OAth. Just read on a github repo
0. I will only undertake honest and moral work. I will stand firm against any requirement that exploits or harms people.
1. I will respect the learnings of those programmers who came before me, and share my learnings with those to come.
2. I will remember that programming is art as well as science, and that warmth, empathy and understanding may outweigh a clever algorithm or technical argument.
3. I will not be ashamed to say "I don't know", and I will ask for help when I am stuck.
4. I will respect the privacy of my users, for their information is not disclosed to me that the world may know.
5. I will tread most carefully in matters of life or death. I will be humble and recognize that I will make mistakes.
6. I will remember that I do not write code for computers, but for people.
7. I will consider the possible consequences of my code and actions. I will respect the difficulties of both social and technical problems.
8. I will be diligent and take pride in my work.
9. I will recognize that I can and will be wrong. I will keep an open mind, and listen to others carefully and with respect.4 -
A non programmer friend sends me this with exitment "Its you! Its you!"
https://youtu.be/9RpwbIN0r2U
friends--1 -
The next level of "but you are a programmer"
Presenting you: the butt hurt format
FRIEND DOES HW
@
MUSIC
@
ASKS YOUR HELP
@
"OK BRO I'LL TRY"
@
WHAT IS *INSERT MUSICAL TERM*
@
"I DON'T KNOW MAN"
@
BUT
@
BUT...
@
BUT YOU ARE A PROGRAMMER AREN'T YOU?8 -
One @burgirghoval asked on a different rant how can one be the best programmer in the world.
My answer is simple. It's by creating a community like @devrant.
Thank you guys for this amazing platform.1 -
working as a freelancer,. one thing my family should learn is that,. no one should ever disturb a programmer on full concentration.3
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I'm a hobby programmer and i don't hav any programming ideas! How do you all get programming ideas?7
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Bruh....ig this is a bit too much but relatable to real life...
God is the best programmer....
lol
5 -
You might not think that programmers are artists, but programming is an extremely creative profession. It's logic-based creativity.”2
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What would happen if a programmer and a PM had to cut down a tree...
https://twitter.com/i/moments/...
Wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so true... -
How do you identify a programmer with just one question? Ask him to pick a number from 1 to 100.
(Disclaimer: 1% of margin of error).5 -
If there is anything worse than a bad, not willing to learn programmer is a so called plugin programmer.
Who only knows how to install plugin over plugin to do a simple task.
Just had to fix something on one websites (wp site, I know, just kill me) where the guy had like 25-30 plugins (some where disabled). And most of them were for adding new widget positions.3 -
"A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code. He refused to comment."
H/T: (@Mr_Drinksonme)1 -
When you impress your peers because you have grown in a year as a programmer. Still there is a long way to go but I feel very confident I can achieve my goals. Any tips for project management and how to grow soft skills. I lack in that area.3
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Thinking about freelancing, any freelancers here who can help me get started?
I have a bit of experience freelancing being a designer but not yet as a programmer. Im currently a student but have made a few programs.
What do you guys think?5 -
Listening to rain sound or pleasing sounds while coding helps me think straight and sets a good mood for me to complete a task.Music sets me straight.
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My code worked without any error, now I am sure there is something perky, if not now, then there will be an issue because of this module... Yes, there will be a problem.1
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"Programming is a craft. At its simplest, it comes down to getting a
computer to do what you want it to do (or what your user wants it to do). As a programmer, you are part listener, part advisor, part interpreter, and part dictator. You try to capture elusive requirements and find a way of expressing them so that a mere machine can do them justice. You try to document your work so that others can understand it, and you try to
engineer your work so that others can build on it. What's more, you try to do all this against the relentless ticking of the project clock. You work small miracles every day.
It's a difficult job. "
- The pragmatic programmer -
Whether you're a newbie or a programmer with 10+ years of experience, you'll always go to StackOverflow and GitHub 🤣😂
6 -
Being a programmer it is not easy.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Because you always have null pointer expression!!4 -
It's a difference between a real programmer and a programmer. One knows how to code and one knows how to google.1
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Got scolded by teacher for not putting semi colon on the right place😒
I conquered saying that its the mistake that even a professional programmer can do😂2 -
somewhere in every spaghetti code there is a mysterious CTRL + C and CTRL + V that just can't explain itself2
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I thought putting up a !ctags -R in .vimrc would help me use ctags in all of my code and I wouldn't have to do it manually but sadly that was a bad decision like.But I didn't know tags that generate to a 220 GB
4 -
Before: why the hell my code isn't running?!! FML 😬
After: How and why the fuck is my code running!! -
#bonfiretalk
Why did you want to become a programmer? Spending alot of my Teenage years on online games I always had a fascination for those 1337 haxxors that just appeared, did some awesome neverseen stuff and sometimes suddenly disappeared, never came back and became urban legends ("I heard h4xor1337 got caught by the FBI"..."I heard he was a CIA Hacker".."He was from Russia").. I started universe, picked some C/C++ Tutorials and 3 years later I am a freelancing Android developer . Today I am Downloading the source code of that old mmorpg (which is still played by alot of people , especially in the private Server scene) to practice my C++ -
So I heard to get a job as a programmer you need a degree in computer science. I looked it up and apparently computer science includes alot of math courses. I'm not good at math and as far as I can see complex math is not needed to be a programmer. Is there any other degree I can take to get a job as a programmer that doesn't require as much math as a computer science degree does?14
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Yesterday a longtime friend asked me if I finally become a programmer.
Is it really being a programmer looking for solutions on stackoverflow?1 -
How good is "The Pragmatic Programmer - by Andy Hunt and Dave Thomas"?
Any positives, to motivate me.2 -
Seriously why does Android studio lag so badly.I mean it's beefed up version of a text editor( I love studio for it's innumerous IDE features).It eats away my RAM and you might have guessed it right,I do have 4 GB RAM. The application takes memory that is sometimes more than that of games.3
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!rant
Guys, could you please give me some gift ideas for a programmer? I was thinking about an IntelliJ Idea subscription, but it's too expensive for a present.17 -
Suddenly Programmer becoms Doctor so he said to patient :- Your x-Ray showed a broken rib,but we fixed it with photoshop3
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What was the most silliest mistake you have ever made just before you were unable to focus for some reason as a developer / programmer ?
Mine was to put || instead of && and wondering why some html is not rendering on my html page.5 -
Hello Guys... Just wanted to have some opinions:
Considering long-term career stability, how does a Machine Learning engineer compare with a Software Developer ( C, C++, Java, Python, etc. ) & a Web Developer ( Java, JavaScript, SQL, CSS, Python ) ?
9 -
Guys I have to write a CV for school as homework(yep), could you make me one or tell me cool stuff to add to make me look like a super duper crazy programmer?5
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As a programmer I solve my life problems using programming too..
<?php
$problemSolved = “Fuck Life!!!”;
echo $problemSolved;
?>4 -
!rant
Reading The Pragmatic Programmer and Clean Code.
Any other suggestions on books thats not specified to a specific programming language that is worth reading?2 -
!rant
I used to use quora for most of my programming related trivia and tips but of late I'm glued to devRant.3 -
Its just frustrating being a person who learns tech or any other stream from the internet.As much as i love the huge amout of information we have access to, it becomes difficult to sort through the tons of information and learn something.When i was a kid , there was a text book which had concepts which i had to understand to increase my knowledge but now without a proper sylabbus and no single source material i'm consuming everything and i end up re-reading same concept again , except this time its from another book.How do u devs get a proper sylabbus and focus yourself when you are reading about a particular subject?3
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It is so frustrating that browsers had to keep the open developer tools as Ctrl+shift + C.I work with a ton of terminals and lot of browser tabs and when I try to copy text , I automatically type Ctrl + shift + C and boom , the developer tools opens up.I know we could change the key bindings but who the hell kept the "open developer tools " shortcut as Ctrl + Shift + C.That is a serious flaw!!! Fucking hate it..
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I'm not doing this for money but what's the average salary of a front-end web developper or a programmer ?
(How much do you earn ?)1 -
Can you help me with the codes and output of these two activity?
I'm new in programming Thankyou
It's a C++ program
14 -
While browsing I just found the following website titled The Mediocre Programmer, and thought it might be an interesting read for some people on dR that are grappling with self-doubt, impostor syndrome, or similar issues:
http://themediocreprogrammer.com/wh...
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