Use Vim. What could happen?...

Pushing code to production be like...

The best part of my day is that ball.

Who all prefer "No Friday Deployments?"

When your daily scrum takes an hour because your senior developer co-worker gives unnecessary and incredibly detailed updates...

"Well, first I tried hiding the button, but it wouldn't come up when I needed it to, so then I made an options menu, but the sliding transition was difficult to implement, so then I..."

When something works fine in dev environment vs. pushing it live 😡🔥

When the commit message reads "changes made". Thanks asshole.

My boss literally spends half an hour finger-fucking his phone on the mobile site to find "bugs", that I can't replicate. A combination like: swipe, pinch, landscape, portrait, back pinch, open new tab, close tab, ash cigarette on phone, dunk in toilet, dry, double tap... Aha I've found a bug, there's 0.5 pixel line of space between the bag header and the browser bar.

when the project manger asks for status on a ticket.
me: what ticket
pm: hold on. (makes ticket). that one.

When you accidentally leave a console.log in your code that goes into production that says: "I'm fucking working!!!" and notice it a year later when fixing a bug.

*In Demo*
That's great but you know what would be really cool? If you changed the functionally to something I never mentioned before

When AM's message you directly rather than putting it in a task like they're supposed to

Oh yeah!

Debugging distributed systems in a nutshell.

So who else is deciding on reserving a Tesla Model 3?

Client: I want my site to look exactly like the design.

Me: Of course, but I'm assuming you want it responsive...

Client: yes, I want it to look exactly like the design on all devices.

Me: but that's not how...

Project manager: of course the site will be fully responsive and look exactly the same on all devices.

Me: but...fine.

1 week later...

Project manager: The site looks horrible on mobile!

Me: it matches the design perfectly...

When you git blame a crap line of code and find out it was your commit

Oh, the requirements completely changed? That's cool. I'll just place all my work over here in this pile with the Sega Saturn, zune, and the batman vs superman movie... you know the "it could have been glorious, but it turned out to be complete garbage" pile

One bad programmer can easily create two new jobs a year!

Sometimes software wins

Happens where I work 😂