Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

Lolz for git messages.

!rant
Had to post it

Just got my new stress ball!

Creepy..... WTF

when @dfox +1'd my rant i was like

wild people somewhere with real high end laptop (it's apple, so we can tell by looking at it?) :"am developing a website..."

.... "develop" a website... using wordpress?

i think these days people have confuse the term develop and design.....

My company took over a project that was previously sent overseas . (PHP, laravel 5.1) so I was pointed a lead developer in this project, when I emailed the "senior developer " from the previous company about version control and code documentation. He assured me there was nothing to worry about . ... I found 450 line methods without comments and as version control I found zip files with dates as the name ... fML this is gonna be a long summer

I messed up carelessly in production. Learnt how SQL queries bite you in the ass when it knows you are under pressure.

Was hosting an online quiz kinda thing during my college techfest. Tens of thousands of people participating.

Using MySQL as database and thousands of queries were being executed. Everyone were pretty excited as the event just opened up.

None of the teams could solve one particular level. Turns out the solution was wrong and was asked by the organisers to change the solution for that particular level. Usual stuff, right?

Was too lazy to open up the web UI for the back office and so, straight ahead logged in to the MySQL server and ran the UPDATE query on the table consisting of the solutions.

It had been a couple of hours and the organisers came to me with a weird problem. There were no changes in the scoreboard for the last two hours. Everyone were stuck wherever they were. Weird, right?

I then realized.

Fk.

In that dreaded query, I had only run

UPDATE 'qa' SET answer = 'something'

leaving out the where clause, specifying the question to update, like

WHERE qno=13

As a result, solutions to all the questions were updated to the same answer. After hastily fixing everything back, I had the dreaded conversation.

Org: What was the problem?

Me: It was the cache.

Org: Damn thing. Always messes up.

Me: *sheepishly* yeah

Probably the most embarrassing moment in my life, wrt coding 😑

Sticker durability testing.

Created an alias in BASH

alias fucking=sudo

Just so I can run "fucking apt-get update". Got so used to it I accidentally used it during a presentation. Now the cute interns think I'm awesome while the other devs think I'm an ass.

Apple finally approved app for the store! (we have like 10 hours left before launch) phew!

Very Honest

Just started using sublime after being an atom fan boy. So much better.

Got my devRant stickers ! Should I put this sticker on my shirt ? 😂

When wifi is shit at work for 2 days and your boss casually mentions he's been downloading 100GB of video content via FTP 😠😠😠

The whole family

If anyone wants to create a webapp using React, Express, Webpack, Babel I just created a boilerplate to make things easy for you guys. It contains extremely basic files and the whole file structure including Redux structure. I've struggled a lot to understand and combine this technologies. I've felt like now that I understand I should share with you guys.

GitHub: https://github.com/tahnik/...

So a programmer would rather delete and re-type an entire line than correct a typo in one word!!

5 screens... 3 monitors, main screen, app connecting my iPad Pro screen. now I can be productive and distracted without having to change tabs...

For about 6 months when I started coding php I didn't think indentation was worth it so all of my files were like
}
}
}
}
}

The Perfect Storm:

My worst coding mistake? Yeah, let me tell you about that. I pushed a simple JavaScript/HTML change without knowing that the stupid header was shared with another "not so important" section of the site called "My Account" where people go to pay for their services. I call it the perfect storm because I left early that Friday for a weekend cruise and right before leaving I pushed the change, sent the request to push for production and left. When they noticed that clients were complaining about not being able to pay they started reversing most changes of all teams trying to fix it but they never touched mine because they knew I wasn't working on the backend. My whole team worked over the weekend trying to find the issue while I was having fun in the cruise. They ended up reversing all changes by Sunday night and it took us about 4 more days to figure out that my simple JavaScript/HTML change broke the site and prevented 30 million customers from making payments that weekend plus it broke the whole 2nd release of the month.... yeah, nothing major.

Knock, knock.
Race condition.
Who’s there.

Wrote this on a quote board at work after spending six hours trying to get one piece of software to work on Ubuntu.

Refactoring in a nutshell

When your 1 year old finds your devrant stress ball and decides to use it as a teether...

At least the face is in tact

Trying to extend 15 year old code.

Found

#define private public

at the beginning of a sourcecode file....

Time to go home.

I can you about one really annoying coworker: Me.

The first thing I did as a sysadmim was to break my colleague's rc helicopter. After that I decided to learn Python, pestering him with questions once every two minutes. I developed, using the word loosely, some scripts that I wrote directly on the production servers, with predictable results.

After a while, I broke less things than I fixed. I learned a lot those years. Today I'm still amazed by the patience and knowledge of this guy; I owe most of my career to him.

These days I have a brilliant job stopping morons such as myself from breaking to many things. I try to be as patient and I hope to be as knowledgeable.

I can't begin to know where to start. I once worked with a lady that was annoyed by me for stretching and began to start nagging at me for it. I promptly explained to her that hearing her complaints annoyed me as well and that I stretched and yawned because my work made me sleepy due to the fact that I had to listen to her relentless and incessant nagging.

I currently work with a "graphic designer" of 25 years experience who had no idea that color picker tools were an actual thing in real life. He's been eyeballing our brand colors for years. SMH... We collectively refer to him as Captain Colorpicker now.

This same guy had never used a credit or debit card in his entire life to purchase a meal at a restaurant.

I worked with a micromanager that constantly reminded me daily of the hierarchy for decision making in the company and where you stood firmly under her thumb. That is until she conveniently wanted shy away from a tough decision. Then it was all on me.

She was the marketing director and every single one of these stupid titles:

http://memeburn.com/2013/05/...

I am in a company as a shareholder with a partner who threatened to take away my shares on several occasions when I don't agree with him. At the time our company was in debt, capital accounts were low, and we were hemorrhaging money to keep afloat. The dumbass tried to offer me $200 per share to "buy me out." The company was $5,000 in the hole and my shares were worth around -$11 each. He never had that much money.

Boss be like..

Boss: Hey can make this for me?

Dev: Sure, when do you need it?

Boss: Yesterday

*facepalm*