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Oh.. So the deadline is tomorrow? How about we schedule a fucking FOUR HOUR meeting to speed things up?
Yeah, fuck you too...15
I introduced git with hope that our team gets better
I introduced trello in hope that our team get better
I introduced gitlab in hope our team gets better
I introduced scrum in hope our team gets better
I'm losing hope...17
Manager asked for access to server with admin rights for a third party contractor and I questioned him... His answer?
- Your are gonna give access to anyone that needs access.
I gave. Went for a 15 days vacation.
Our server got blocked by our cloud provider because of ssh brute force attempt coming from it and the company website went offline during a big ass meeting because of that.
Made me giggle :)11
We recently hired a fronted dev and she got confident enough to suggest we use nodejs, my literal reply:
Should see her face 😂18
My company contracted a 3rd party to do an internal system for us...
We only knew about it when it was almost done and we got the code... Oooooo boy.... What a fucking shit they did and got paid for...
They have a encryptPassword() and decryptPassword() functions...
What they do you may ask?
Encrypt: for loop that reverse the string and base64 it 5 times...
Decrypt: the opposite...
That's how they store passwords....
Our intern snapped at a company meeting when they where talking about maintaining it 😂😂25
Deadline means shit for management and they can't fucking understand wtf a prototype is for.
Hahahahaha so we are gonna present this prototype tomorrow ( 2018-03-08 ) at a meeting with investors and our management practically demanded a landing page to be at this presentation.
The landing page is gonna be made by a 3rd party, they asked for directions on the content about the landing page with a deadline set for Friday ( 2018-03-02 ) .
Management sent an email yesterday with the following content:
- Changes on the prototype ( A LOT OF CHANGES )
- The landing page content: a fucked up confusing as fuck word document with crossed over text, red text. A lot of noise that meas nothing and only makes the reader confused as fuck
Why am I laughing you may ask?
Our front ender took the prototyping role out of my hands and the landing page is a third party responsibility.
None of this is my work, I'm here watching the world burn for the first time and boy its funny and warm.
WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD FOR THESE CUM SUCKERS TO UNDERSTAND THAT CHANGING REQUIREMENTS 2 DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE IS JUST GONNA BREAK EVERYTHING!?!?
I DOUBLE DARE ANYONE TO TELL ME ITS NOT WORKING TOMORROW...
STUPID MOTHER FUCKER PMS CANT PLAN ANYTHING6
Overheard some family members talking about me during a vacation about 3 years ago...
aunt: why is he that way?
cousin: he spent too much time on the computer while he was younger.
aunt: that's bad.
yeah.. now I make more than both of you and don't give a shit about you anymore, thanks 👍6
Overheard this phone conversation:
I honestly wanted to punch her in the face.9
Coworker: hey man, do you know what is the limit for z-index on CSS?
Me: not sure but I think it is the signed int limit.
Coworker: the waaat?
Me inside: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!7
Ahahaha I don't know if I cry or laugh..
I slept 1 hour today, woke up, left the kid at school came back home planning on sleeping another 2 hours and coming to work.
Took a shower and remembered I had an important meeting by 8:30 am and it was already 8:10 ... Ran like fucking crazy , ate an orange for breakfast ran like a lunatic in traffic just to arrive at work by 8:34 and be told the meeting has been rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon...
Had to smile to who rescheduled the meeting right now writing this rant :)
Now... Who the fuck sends an email at 00:02 to reschedule a fucking meeting??
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
What is the point in separating us into backend/frontend developers if everyone has to learn/do everything?
And now this FUCKING DUMBASS that is leaving!!! The company convinced my FUCKING STUPID boss to start using react with nodejs on the new platforms ...
Did anyone think about talking to the fucking devops that maintain the fucking deployments about this????
By the way, this sucker is me.
And now I have one month to: deploy a new app... ALONE!! learning fucking react (please kill me) and probably merge it in a clusterfuck of unseparated backend/frontend because fuck it.
Oh, and figure out a way to make deployment automated and easy for me at least.
I'm about to rant in real life...7
Once I had to clone a repo and it was taking too long...
Went to gitlab to find out in the most wtf way that from 1mb it was 600mb+ now...
One of our new juniors pushed 600mb+ of a database backup to gitlab...
I came to her with a smile and asked in a jokingly manner (after cursing her for about half an hour in my head):
"lol, did you really not notice it took a fucking long time to upload it?"
The fucker was ashamed but just said : no, I think I pushed it and went home.
I constantly reminded her of it for the couple months...
Never done it again :)6
Looks like Microsoft is really supporting open source with its fucked up updates making people consider switching to Linux7
The past 2 years where I work:
Me: hey let's use git instead of ftp!
Boss: should we?
Some time later: he is loving it...
Me: hey let's use trello instead of excell!!??!
Boss: huumm.. Dunno... Should we?
After much convincing: whole departments are using and loving it....
Me: hey let's move from rackspace to DO!
Boss: huumm... Convince me...
Year latter: everything smooth and muuuch lower prices... Managing 6 servers instead of one...
Me: UNIT TESTS!!!
Boss: nah, this but a waste of time...
For real? Get a grip man, I only encourage solutions tested ( no pun intended, or is it ) by me for a long time...5
!dev related but fucking hell I need to get this out.
Could people (including friends) fucking stop to invalidate my favourite music genre?!
'Its just too hard', 'its so aggressive', 'its only boom boom boom'
Always, al-fucking-ways at every party or wherever when people are allowed to put on music, whenever I'm allowed to, my music is turned off right away.
'Sorry but not everyone likes this and you're not the only one here'
I'm sorry, WHAT? I'VE LISTENED TO STYLES I REALLY FUCKING DON'T LIKE FOR FUCKING HOURS AND I'VE SWALLOWED IT ALL. THEN AT LEAST LET ME PLAY ONE FUCKING SONG ON A WHOLE FUCKING EVENING.
And nothing against metal peoples, really not but its nearly always the metal people who put their music on all evening and keep telling how awesome metal is and the second I mention my genre or out it on: 'oh but that sucks' *switches back to metal*
Go fuck yourselves. I'm swallowing this shit every fucking time but I'm getting fucking sick of this bullshit.
By the way, my favourite genre is raw hardstyle aka rawstyle.72
So we where given a project with a deadline already set behind our backs and we have to give our deadline despite not knowing wtf we have to do exactly ...
They asked us to don't ask too much time because the budget can't afford too much time...
I'm here thinking: WTF?!
THEY PASSED A FUCKING DEADLINE AND PRICES TO THE FUCKING CLIENT WITHOUT ASKING ANY! ANY MOTHERFUCKING DEV ABOUT IT!!!
We asked them so many fucking questions on the first meeting that they were fucking baffled about everything but kept playing cool like "well, this project is already set and we are gonna have to deal with it"
Bunch of motherfucking stupid cock suckers , go die agonizing on your own vomit and if ask my help I'm gonna answer "well, you gonna have to deal with it because you are already fucked"2
Just figured out that a server configuration I made about 3 months ago resulted in one of our main sites being offline.
No one fucking noticed it.
For 3 fucking months.
I see my boss interested in learning new languages as if it is gonna be some sort of holy grail but his logic remains the same.
I'm in a step of my life that I finally understand that this language fight is a total waste of time:
PhP is fucking delicious to deploy
Java is fucking delicious to work with spring boot
Python has a fucking delicious syntax and I wanna marry it
Go is fucking delicious to outperform others
Anyway, my point is that when you get the hang of it you should learn concepts and improve your logic instead of hoping language x is gonna save you, its not.13
I'm so stressed lately that even when I try to relax I stress out because I keep trying to relax in the most efficient way possible... Fuck7
And here I am creeped the fuck out by Google (as always) suggesting me to take photos of the bakery I'm at while having location and WiFi turned off :)19
MOTHER FUCKER IDIOTS!!!
SO I HAVE TO ROLLBACK OUR PROD DEPLOYMENT BECAUSE IM THE ONLY FUCKER WHO UNDERSTANDS THE SIMPLE CONCEPT OF "DONT PUSH UNFINISHED CHANGES"?!?
DAMN!!!! FUCK YOU ALL...11
AAAAAAHHHH OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
THE LAST 20 MINUTES WERE THE CRINGIEST OF MY LIFE!!!
THIS COWORKER TYPES AND CLICKS SO SLOWLY!!! JUST FUUUCK YOU MY FUCKING 9 YEARS OLD CLICKS A FUCKING MOUSE FASTER THEN YOU MOTHER FUCKEEEEER!!!!!
I almost lost my fucking patience this time...8
MOTHERFUCKING MICROSOFT!!! JUST SEND ME THIS FUCKING EMAIL !!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!? EVERY FUCKING TIME IT TAKES TOOOOOOO MUUUUUCH TIME TO RECEIVE ANY FUCKING CONFIRMATION EMAIL!!! ITS FUCKING 2017 ALREADY GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER YOU PIECE OF SHIT11
How can people be so fucking stupid?
Imagine I made a program with two buttons, one that says "click here for x" and the other that says "click here for y" and they are asking me where to click for x.. Really mother fucker? Do you really have a PhD? Might me a PhD on retardness!! fuck you, I'm on vacation...7
Took me 2 fucking days to figure out why the loop wasn't working, biggest facepalm ever.
// some awesome code
Anyone who looked at me yesterday would see a pissed off dev with the highest rate of wtf/minute to the screen gesturing and force palming constantly.
I'm a back end dev.
I made a front end code have 90% (?!?!?!) less code, more readable and I can say for sure 10x faster.
There was a fucking setTimeout() with 5 seconds delay to do something that doesn't even need to wait...
Fuck this shit lol.2
OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU REWRITE A FUCKING PIECE OF CODE AND DON'T MAINTAIN ITS FUNCTIONALITY?
ARE YOU FUCKING MAD????
JUST SPENT 1 FUCKING HOUR TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE FUCK THE DATA WASN'T BEING PASSED TO REDUX STORE!
YEAH, UNIT TESTING SURE IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME YOU DUMB FUCKING IDIOT THAT HAS MASHED POTATOES FOR A BRAIN!
GO ROT IN HELL YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!
NOW IF I DON'T FIX THIS SHIT MY ASS IS ON THE LINE BECAUSE I MADE THE FUCKING FUNCTIONALITY THAT YOU BROKE?? NO FUCKING WAY!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY BOSS, I'M GONNA GIT BLAME THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IF ANYONE PISSES ME OFF!2
"Well, how hard could it be to do it in this impossible deadline?"
Well ... HOW ABOUT I STICK A LAMP POST UP YOUR ASS? HOW HARD COULD IT BE? YOU JUST STAY STILL AND I PUSH HARD ENOUGH, RIGHT?!12
I think I'm never laughing again about other people misery.
After this enjoyable rant
I got fucked in the ass:
The meeting got delayed to 2018-03-28
They discarded the prototype
I have to develop this fucking shit practically all alone
I'm so fucking pissed that I scheduled a fucking 3 hours meeting to monday and who dares to fucking go off topic on this meeting is gonna be fucking harassed for real.6
Every fucking time its the same shit:
Our nontechnical managers meet with the client and try to pass technical requirements to us..
These pieces of shit don't get that this only makes things worse.
Making everyone waste fucking time trying to understand requirements that would be a lot fucking easier if any of us were is any fucking meeting.
But nooooo... We have to fucking be the whole team in fucking meetings with these cock suckers so they can realize they didn't get shit and the back and forth bullshit begins:
We ask questions
They don't know
They schedule meeting with client
They ask their moronic way
The client answers
They schedule meeting with us
We ask questions...
And this fucking loop goes on for-fucking-EVER!
This perfectly describes the callback hell that is nodejs.
Note: I indented correctly, using one tab.13
Check this out.
Brazil is coming to a halt right now because of a distribution blockage by the truck drivers.
Gasoline tripled the litter price from yesterday.
Gas stations are going empty.
Air-fucking-ports are out of diesel/gas.
Public transportation might stop tomorrow.
And my boss "will consider" home office, wtf dude, are you retarded?14
Management eats shit for breakfast
I am the sole Dev on a project.
Stack: Postgresql, redis, nginx,Java with Spring Boot, Neo4j.
I am the only one nearly familiar with : Redis, Neo4j and anything Java.
I'm gonna be on vacation for the next 15 days since they have told me that we where gonna be on a "testing/feedback" period.
My vacation was approved.
Today's meeting: we have a URGENT deadline to meet some criteria that might be the difference between have further investment or not.
Urgent deadline: last day of my vacation.
My face: poker
My thoughts: attached image4
Two thousand fucking eighteen people!!!!
Stop this non sense "get a plane" for a fucking meeting that could be a fucking video conference.
Wtf? Everyone here seems to be addicted to flying, specially upper management... And if we need a new switch to keep the network running? Oh, for that we have no money :)5
Management knows shit about managing.
They ask us to do x and one month later they have the first meeting to discuss it... They didn't even plan it, only asked.
Its like asking a hamburger at Mc Donalds and letting the kind of hamburger for when it arrives:
"Hey, I want a hamburger"
Mc. Employee: "Which one , sir?"
"Doesn't matter, when it arrives we decide about it, just go on, chop chop"5
When I started learning python and wrote a script to read redtube's api and get the best video links based and whatever criteria I seem fit for the occasion :D18
No boss... For the fucking millionth time: unit tests are not a waste of time.
You keep testing everything manually and hoping that you tested everything every time and praying that there are no bugs IS THE FUCKING TIME WASTE
My boss just can't fucking wrap his head around automated tests... I'm trying hard... Gonna try harder...6
Just discovered that we are loading 200k for a custom font on one of our platforms...
200k FOR A FUCKING FONT?!? FOR REAL??? ITS NOT EVEN FUCKING DIFFERENT ON SIGHT!
So I sarcastically asked why the fuck are we using it and my coworker said its because the designer designed (duh) the layout this way...
Look... Usually I'm a quiet person and I don't rant in real life but this time I could not restrain myself.15
After doing an exam with dubious answers, the teacher gave us the answers with our exams scores.
One question could have two answers and mine was one of them and was "wrong" so I asked the teacher:
Me: hey, this one is right too isn't it?
He: yeah, but the right answer is the other one.
Me: OK... So shouldn't it be reviewed, nulled or given points to both?
He: no, because the answer is this one.
Me: care to explain how you have two right answers but this one is the "right" one?
He: yes, because its "righter".
Me inside: FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!
Me: you got to be kidding right?
He: no. Its this one.
So I changed course and never had to deal with that piece of shit again.6
Installing Elementary OS...
While installing clicked on show current progress details.
Saw that everything is going to hell in the log.
Progress bar is still moving. Silently closed the current progress tab.4
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME WITH POINTLESS MEETINGS ABOUT WHAT METHODOLOGIES YOU GONNA USE TO GET THE FUCKING DATA????
JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING DATA AFTER YOU DISCUSS THIS SHIT AND TELL WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE TO DO WITH IT!!!
FUCKING WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND WANTING SHIT TO BE DONE! WHAT THE FUCK!5
Who the fuck told my coworkers I'm their boss when our boss is on vacation?
Wtf, I don't wanna be anyone's boss, no one should want me as such...
I would certainly micromanage the shit out of everyone and make their lives a living hell.6
So I just got out of a meeting where "like a YouTube for x" and "it isn't that complicated, just storing videos, documents, etc..."
Were used in the same sentence.
I'm already updating my resume.4
FUCK YOU WORDPRESS
Omfg never been so fucking pissed in my life.
I just wasted 3 hours because this fucking bullshit rewrites the fucking URL based on the URL on a config fucking file?!!?
It fucking ignores: apache virtual host configs and nginx reverse proxy
I'M FUCKING SICK OF HOLDING MY SELF TO DON'T MAKE OTHERS LOOK LIKE STUPID, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE ,NEXT YEAR IS MY TIME TO STAND AND LET PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM. IF YOU FUCKERS CANT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EVEN THOUGHT THIS COMPANY'S PRODUCT ISN'T SOFTWARE BUT YOU ARE FUCKING WASTING A GOLDEN RESOURCE ( DEV TEAM ) WITH FUCKING USELESS CRUDS AND USELESS SITES NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT I'M GONNA LEAVE.17
Once crafted a beautifully executed use of Polymorphism with intuitive interfaces and classes with a concise and loose code just to watch my boss get rid of the interface , because it had no code in it, and fill the fucking code with an ugly switch statement to choose which class to instantiate.5
We used to use Trello for our team boards and was starting to transition to Gitlab's issues for better code integration...
I became aware that my boss was being "demanded" to have a better analytics of our team performance so I started digging more insightful issue/tasks software like YouTrack ( Jetbrains ) and Jira ( Atlasian ).
After 2 months of trial and learning I suggested we go with YouTrack.
"We" are now using it for about 6 months already and it is a fucking mess.
My peers have no clue how to scrum, even after my efforts to teach them and they even spent a fucking 3 days workshop about it on fucking Google (!?!?) without me ( there is a rant about it ).
My boss is a nice person but the dude lacks any trace of competence to manage anyone other than him.
I'm tired of babysitting a man that is 10 years older than me and has a car that costs almost 10x mine.
I'm two days back from vacation and I almost rage quited 5 times.4
So we have this long term contractor that EVERY FUCKING TIME says MySQL meaning SQL Server... Like wtf dude? Shut the fuck up...6
OMFG BOSS STOP CHANGING MY INTERFACES INTO CLASSES WITH REDUNDANT CODE AND IF ELSES BECAUSE "IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING" OMFG WE ALREADY WENT OVER IT YOU STUPID FUCK!!!2
Holy fucking shit!
Look, I know I'm kinda average, I actually think I'm kinda stupid... But holy fuck this new mother fucker at work is in a fucking new level of dumb ... OMG!
I'm actually thinking about asking my boss to let him go and this guy isn't even there for 2 weeks yet.19
Let me just delete this symbolic link and leave it copying the folder to the ssd real quick while I go to lunch...
1 - don't put a fucking / at the end of `rm -rf /path/to/link`
2 - don't ignore the warning of it being a folder after trying to `rm /path/to/link`
3 - backup your fucking dev database too
4 - don't do stuff hungry
So my boss copied a code from stackoverflow and thought "foo" was a function or something... It was just an alias to a SQL select...2
"Wtf, people really do this shit..."
Spent two days debugging my algo to figure it was a problem with the colors they picked and my logic was fucking flawless!
Sweetest feeling ever :D
I'm sort of color blind so I never check colors and I'm really straight about it with everyone: I don't pick colors.
Its a rant with a happy ending :)6
Almost a year since I started my current job and every day I struggle to make things better, from introducing git to introducing a testing server to moving to git lab to introducing backup policies on the servers and so on....
And the more I struggle to improve everyone's experience at work it looks like im trying to explain physics to toddlers because I can see that although everything is waaaay better now everything is just gonna crumble once I'm gone.4
Woohoo we asked for a prioritized list of changes , we got 2 power points instead.
Yeah, fuck you too.4
So after you fucked your Ubuntu installation last year because you decided to `chmod -R 777 /` you are telling me that you did the same to /home and /var/lib because the former intern "told you so"?!?!
How can someone be SO FUCKING STUPID??
My boss ladies and gentleman...5
Fuck you stupid cunt!!!! If your fucking project depends on empty folder structure just put a fucking gitignore file on it so I don't have to waste all fucking day debugging your tasteless spaghetti to figure out that you download files to an empty folder that git clone doesn't create.3
The face of confusion my boss made when I suggested the development of a simple "api" (one end point) to solve a particular issue we faced after improving our infrastructure made me realize I need to abandon this ship...
He really can't wrap his head around calling a URL and doing something on a server although that's what we do every fucking day...2
Wooohooo! Company is sending me to Google Earth Engine Summit 2017 on my first international travel !!!!
Hope to meet some of you there 😱
Anyone gonna be there?7
OK. FUCK YOU REACT-ROUTER AND YOUR FUCKED UP "SHOULD BE STRAIGHT FORWARD" IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND DOCUMENTATION AND HALF BAKED EXAMPLES OF INCONSISTENT VERSIONS.
FUCK YOU WITH A TRUCK INSIDE YOUR BITCH ASS11
I just realized that my fucking boss managed to put a back end dev to do front end and a front end dev to make an api.
So me and the front end dev are constantly asking each other stuff instead of doing the fucking job properly because it isn't the subject that we like/spend our free time learning.
Although I understand that its good to have some "full stack" knowledge I also understand that my ui/ux is gonna suck while his api is gonna suck :)5
STOP CODING MUTHERFUCKER AND THING YOU DUMB FUCK!!! THIIIINK!!!! IMPROVE!!! LEARN NEW SHIT!!!
STOP CODING TO CODE BETTER!13
I'm home sick for 4 days now and I'm starting to become paranoid about being replaced because I caught one front end dev watching Spring Boot videos on Friday.
I'm the only one who works with it there.
Not feeling well.22
Looks like I'm destined to be fucked in the ass every time I'm on vacation...
This boss : https://devrant.com/rants/1330624/...
Told me he is gonna implement the new backend of a web app we have while I'm on vacation...
He was trying stuff with python for it and I tried to explain him the benefits of polymorphism and the ideas behind it and he was looking clueless, as always...
I'm screwed... Last time I went on vacation they started using react ( no complains ) and firebase ( fuck this shit ) ...
Now we are moving this web app away from firebase but I can see it is gonna be shit and a lot of rants will follow from his "back end" that this motherfucker here is gonna have to help implement after 2 weeks of fucked up code...5
Motherfucker, every fucking meeting on this project we have a fucking 3 week deadline to accomplish the fucking impossible.
And now they practically want me to rewrite the whole fucking application.
And my fucking boss can't fucking shut the fuck up and keep having "ideas" on new thing.
YEU FUKCING STUPID PIECES OF SHIT!!! HOW CAN WE ADD SHIT WHEN EVERYTHING IS HALF ASSED BECAUSE WE DONT STOP ADDING SHIT? FUCK YOU!7
Some years ago I was fixing this lady's computer and I had to change her monitor and she asked: but will I lose my files?5
Quick update on Brazil distribution strike
We are out of gas.
Government might call the army.
We might run out of water by Tuesday.
We are too much dependant on fossil fuels... Wtf?
I'm yet to meet someone who opens links in new tabs using the mouse wheel button or Ctrl+ click.
Literally everybody I know right clicks and them clicks "open in new tab".
Is this really something nobody does? Am I crazy? what's going on?
What do you think?31
Ooooh yeah!!!! Thanks dfox and trogus for this new feature of auto scrolling to the comment when I click on the notification panel to see which one was +1'd been waiting it for soooo long 😁😁😁😁😁😁4
Whenever I'm trying new tech at work I don't keep interrupting people ta help me with error messages because ITS A FUCKING NEW TECH AND NO ONE WORKS WITH THAT SHIT!
WHY THE FUCK YOU KEEP ASKING ME FOR HELP WITH YOUR FUCKED UP NODE SHIT AFTER I TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T LIKE IT? STOP IT!3
Why its so hard to understand that - not always... - frontend devs will give you a sweet ui with medium back end and back end devs are gonna give you a medium ui with sweet back end?
Why can't we just do what nature made us good for and work in collaboration?
So we have this HUGE ass project , really challenging , that my boss and "PM" have been meeting with the client for months now...
I got on board , guess what?
NO ONE HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ON WHAT THE FUCK THEY WANT!!!!!
ALL FUCKING GENERIC REQUIREMENTS!!! WHAT THE FUUUCK!!!
[ insert fucking pitch screaming!!!! ]
5 day deadline with stupid requests.
So, after these series of events:
I was full on sarcasm mode yesterday and heard my name in a conversation between my boss and a front end dev ( my boss sits literally behind me ) ...
They were talking about improvements on the web app that I made in a rush to a meeting.
I was there thinking : fuck.. Don't ask... Don't ask
But I could not restrain my self and I did ask: hey, what's that about? It isn't for the meeting at day April's 9 , is it? ( in a "of course not" tone )
He said it is... With the most annoying dumb smile face he always does ( I'm convinced he might be retarded )
And I just : can't be done.
So we started chatting about it... How it is gonna be presented to our manager on Monday ( April's 2 ) for approval and how we are gonna implement it by April's 9.
Stick with me on this one:
I'm the sole dev.
The only one that know the back end tech.
The only one that deals with the servers.
I'm heeling you : 5 fucking days isn't enought!
Its gonna be 5 days if, and only if everything is approved by Monday fucking morning. Which I bet my asshole isn't gonna be.
So let's pretend we have 5 days to change the fucking logic of how shdt works we still need the data to put in there... Aaahh the data... That shit is the fucking holy-grail around here... Impossible to find.
And he said it is important for a 2nd round of investment that we do that.
These people are fucking insane...
I really don't know what to think... I'm gonna have to go full rage-mode once more to accomplish this?
I'm already burned down from the last couple weeks doing that.
I used my last energy with the last rush... For nothing.4
OMFG I think I've just experienced my first shock for 10 seconds after watching my boss looking for a tab on chrome that had Google opened so he could paste the searching string.
So, apparently we had this important meeting with a client offsite this morning, I was "told" yesterday but nobody thought of creating a calendar event or sharing emails about it. I forgot, I don't even know the address or the hour.
My boss and this sneaky front ender came by at 11am joking about me not remembering.
Me: wow, I forgot. If it isn't on the calendar I don't even know it exists.
Turned to my screen and got back to work.
Fuck this shit.1
So I studied for a long time about scrum, convinced my boss, his boss and our team to consider it, everyone liked it but seems to don't understand it very well.
I organized meetings about it and everything...
This week the majority of our team will attend a Google event about scrum in another city.
Guess who is not going?11
Deadline is tomorrow as per this rant
I taught my boss how to work his way around spring-boot + maven + jpa, I did a really good job with the classes and interfaces so he could update the project while I was on my two week vacation.
I set up CI/CD so no one should have to ssh into servers to make master branch live and I set up webhooks on gitlab to warn me on slack if anyone pushed any code.
Tomorrow is the deadline.
Tomorrow is the last day of my vacation.
No pushes made to gitlab, hence no deployment trigerred.
I'm here wondering if the fucker will push it on the last minute just to fuck it up tremendously.
Tomorrow I'm going to the movies and gonna turn my phone off :)4
Last meeting I suggested we started using unit test and perhaps TDD on our platforms.
My boss is open to it and everyone seems to like the idea...
Now I just discovered that our dumbass coworker is trying to say by my back that its a bad idea to double the code efforts and that he sees no point in it...
Well dumbass cock sucker who can't even fucking remember how to write `docker-compose up` without messing things up you can fuck your self because you are certainly gonna be fucked sideways untill the end of the year.4
Fuuuck!! I'm 20 days into vacation and all I can thing is that fucking bug that I have to solve when I come back... Most stressful vacation ever 😒😓😬😬4
Some old couple screaming I was a liar and a thief because I told them their HDD needed to be exchanged because I wasn't able to install any OS on it... It kept failing on every CD / pen drive I used but it worked with the other store... I left them screaming alone outside the store after telling them to have a good day with a poker face...5
TL;DR age != competence
My boss is a fucking computer illiterate self taught programmer.
Don't get me wrong, he can do shit, pretty shitty but it gets done...
But the dude has 38 fucking years old and somehow still searches for keys on the fucking keyboard and struggles to touch type anything...
I sometimes crying the fuck out when I have to help him with something...
I'm having a mini fucking panic attack right now just thinking of it... Fuck
He is our "manager" but doesn't even have the fucking balls to confront his own subordinates when they need to be confronted... Everyone is aware of this and everyone is fucking around... And no one sees any consequences... I wonder why deadlines are always missed...
He is so passive that every fucking thing someone asks he goes and says it is OK...
I was studying same psychology about ignorance and I think he lacks the understanding that shit is hard to do...
We literary had a conversation the other day something like that:
Boss: so, what do you think? One call to the api for it to return all data or multiple calls to return smaller ones?
Me: well... It takes ~180ms just for latency to the server for one call, if you have 10 calls it will take 180*10ms, it is better if we have one call and cache it if necessary on the backend.
( he has no fucking clue wtf caching is, besides browser cache)
Boss: (looking confuse AS FUCK!!) Well, I don't get it... Maybe I'll test it later.
Me thinking: test how you dumb motherfucker? On you fucking workstation with no fucking latency?
There is no fucking test. I'm stating it. IT IS A FUCKING FACT!
Me: well, it takes that for the call to go to the api and come back , its simple math. 1 == 180, 10 == 1800.
So... We have a "network admin" who manages our network and the servers (windows) and I manage the Linux servers... He is having a real hard time to understand that the servers have no password but use ssh-keys to login and keep asking me for the credential to have them somewhere in case "something happens" like I quit or die...2
Fucking stupid bitch comes to me at 7 pm and asks an impossible task and after I clearly explain and say that I don't know how I gonna do it she asks it for early tomorrow...
Yeah, keep waiting...5
So I just got this email from a tech company, I registered to send my CV some years ago , about a dev Job openning.
The descripition included:
Java and Angular ( first red flag )
So I go to their site to check it out ...
No https, ping the domain returns an ip from another continent with 500+ ms latency.
Major flaws on the site usability...
Super dumb password recovery method...
I'm fucking outta here dude. I might send them a proposition to fix their servers and at least put it behind letsencrypt though...
And these morons have big clients, like my bank... wtf...4
I think I'm having my first burn out... I literally can't do shit for the past week or more. Fuck...15
I just bought an amazing Bluetooth headphone but I'm really FUCKING PISSED because when its charging the led flashes green and when it is charged it flashes some fucking other tone of green and as someone who has daltonism it makes me really fucking frustrated because I can't say tell the difference even if my life depended on it... PLEASE DONT BE THE STUPID CUNT THAT DESIGNS SHIT LIKE THAT! JUST MAKE IT NON COLOR DEPENDANT FOR FUCK SAKE!
I am in programmer hell today.
Oh great programmers of the universe, lend me your strength so that I do not leave work a shattered soul on this day!5
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE A FREELANCER/WEB DEV AND TYPE SO FUCKING SLOW AND HAVE TROUBLE WITH FUCKING LETTERS ALL THE TIME?!
I'm gonna push this mother fucker so hard that he will learn not to "lie" in an interview never again and become a fucking dev.5
My boss sucks really hard at English... I would not have a problem with it if he didn't insist on naming methods and variables with a non-sense English that he thinks is right...10
Everyday I fell my soul being sucked by this job.
We have too much liberty and it's all scattered, every fucking project uses a different framework.
Everything is a mess, no one seems to care and I'm feeling like shit for being the only one that seems to care.
Every time I start job hunting I fell depressed because of this nonsense bullshit they call job requirements.
Just wanna run away from this mess and never look back.13
NO FUCKING WAY YOU ARE GONNA PAY SOMEONE THE EQUIVALENT OF TWO MONTHS WHAT I MAKE TO DO SOMETHING I CAN DO IN A FUCKING WEEKEND BECAUSE "I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO ALREADY AND COMPANY STUPID POLICY DOESN'T ALLOW EMPLOYEES TO BE CONTRACTED AS FREELANCER ON THEIR SPARE TIME!!
HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU STUPID COCK SUCKER! I BET YOU CANT EVEN SUCK A FUCKING DICK PROPERLY STUPID FUCK!!!!!!!4
My boss keeps trying new tech with important new projects instead of trying the fucking new things with anything other than important shit.
I support this let's try better options approach but cmon, be rational about it.2
Spent the last 15 days deep into Golang and suddenly I stumbled upon Buffalo (https://github.com/gobuffalo)
Damn, it is fucking awesome.
Just wanted to share it.
It's so fucking great to be the only dev that uses Linux here and the servers are all Linux and the windows devs sometimes don't give a fuck about case sensitivity... Just fuck them all!!!!!!2
I just realized something in my work place, I'm the only one beside the intern (lol) on my team who is proficient in english.
I was helping a coworker debug some issues and she couldn't understand the OBVIOUS error message telling her precisely wtf was wrong and the exact line...
I know something for sure... In our area English is basic, learn it or gtfo. I might as well conduct half the interviews in English from now on.4
As someone who learns everything alone , researching and all it really frustrates the fuck out of me to have to babysit grown ass adults into learning anything.4
Our new hired (promoted intern) just installed Ubuntu on his new machine.
Now we are the only ones using Linux at work.
He was having trouble with a flickering bug on kernel 4.4.0 and I just told him to apt upgrade that it would solve it..
And he was like: oh.. Can you update the kernel?
That's gonna be a long month...hope he learns this faster than git7
Now I know for sure that my coworkers can't read error messages.
Every fucking time git doesn't push or pull properly they can't figure out what's going on, almost one year since we migrated to git ... come on... read the fucking message!7
Some years ago our company site was hosted by a prick who knew nothing and started to pretend the server got a virus or whatever.
I tested their server and figured out they did not have any firewall policies going on like mitigation of ssh brute force.
It was at this time I learned about SYN flood, and boy I flooded that port 80 of them.
The company site went down for as long as I wanted.
It was great because now we manage it in house and never had a problem anymore.
CSS - Separate style from content...
Yeah... More like creating divs to make that fucking div aligned.
Straight from table hell to div hell2
So my dumbass coworker did it again.
He included 600kb to the initial load of one of our platforms to use ONE FUCKING CSS CLASS!!! Wtf man?3
20 minutes trying to convince my boss (lead dev) that dynamically create tables on DB based on file name to store uploaded json content isn't a good design approach and he is still convinced that 500 lines will really impact performance that much on one table and that this is the best design...
Based on this approach, he wants to create another table with the user who last modified and the "fk" (not sure if he even knows what this is cause none of the fks here point to anything...) would be the table name... now I know where those hideous tables we have here come from...
Don't know if I laugh or cry...3
Introduced git in work about 5 months ago, explained to my coworkers how it works, shared links to tutorials, git pro book and everything imaginable.
Almost every day I learn something new ... they keep struggling to checkout a branch or resolve some simple conflict...
I'm just tired of explaining things...
Now I just go and fix every thing and learn a lot :)8
I just came back from a meeting to a project that integrates some companies to achieve the project goals.
There was this "computer/data scientist" (his words) that every time he talked I just wanted to punch him in the throat.
Look, I'm not saying he isn't good or anything. He can be a fucking genius, I don't care.
But he talks as if he is the smartest person on the room, fucking annoying.2
Got asked into a meeting to give my opinions on the security about software that might be used to implement a web app.
After 20 minutes of listening to bullshit that wasn't even my concern they got into databases and I was constantly talked down, by people who know shit about tech, about the professional use of PostgreSQL and they only did shut the fuck up when I compared their "important business" to Facebook using MySQL.
Come on... Stop talking down about shit you know nothing about.3
So I went with a friend to a printing company today and asked this gem: "so , will you print the white too?"
Before he answered I realized my momentary retardness and said: "wtf, what a stupid question."
I think I need some rest 😂😂2
I've been struggling for the past year with:
This last month I made a decision, I don't give a fuck anymore and just gonna do my dev work which is the one I'm paid to do.
Never been better. Its healthy whem you let all those fucks go away :)3
A fucking year and a half of project that could have been 2 months if properly planned...
But every 1 month deadline is a rush to "just do it and we plan latter when stablished"... I wait 2 weeks for things to be approved so they can be changed after I fucking implement it.
Now everything is a mess that I just introduce more mess to move on and go home by the end of the day.
I secretly wish everything at work fails because everyone is so fucking stupid every time it makes me cringe when I have to talk to someone or watch someone explaining something to me.
Everything seems to lack planning and focus, our PMS act more like clients than like managers, its a total fucking mess and I have to clean some of it this week.
It's getting so much on my nerves that I had to open my whiskey for the first time this year, damn.
Omfg, after webdeving for so long, I recently started to learn python and image manipulation.
I'm in love.
What have I done lol2
What the fuck is this?
I'm so confused...
Where is the Netflix app? Is this real life?
Please help me.18
Every last 10 days of the year we have a break...
I'm just gonna implement CI/CD in this motherfucking environment and blow everyone's mind at January, I'm sick of working as an amateur...
That moment when you are testing the product with the PM and you remember all the bugs that happened and all you can think is that you don't trust this abomination
sometimes we try to make things better and realize people just want the same old non functional bloated shit...
Just realized I can only be productive while listening to metal...otherwise I procrastinate the hell out of every second... Wtf?
Looks like its full music from now on :)7
Today's full day meeting accomplishments:
- start 9:00 am
- updated intellij idea
- updated fedora
- checked out servers to see if everything was OK
- lunch break
- people agreed that "we are just gonna do it and plan later"
- presented my status on the actual meeting subject
- me and the consultant realised we are really fucked :)
- meeting ended 5:30 pm
My boss insists in develop the most unmaintainable ways possible like hard coding everything... EVERYTHING....
DDD (despair driven design)
A little back story:
A dev who left already implemented a system and modeled the data like he doesn't even care because he was going away in one month anyway.
This sucker here inherited the responsibility to remodel this fucking clusterfuck of data.
I was trying to do a good work here until today but some things came to my mind :
I don't care.
They don't care.
I'm gonna do the same shit and the next person can suck ma'dick.
I have better things to do.
Look, I'm gonna do a lazy job that is gonna be a million light years better than what this sucker did anyway.1
My boss is letting a really strong bus factor grow around me.
I try to show them how to do things but they really can't wrap their heads around it and I keep improving our stack/infrastructure ...4
We are on a tight deadline and EVERY FUCKING TIME I see, my fucking boss is developing new features for the product... WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?1
The one they called to announce I was being dismissed after promising a promotion witch led me to refuse a better job opportunity the week before...2
A fucking nightmare for one month to present a near-finished functioning web-app instead of a prototype.
Web-app presented in a prototipe-ish manner because it was actually being FUCKING TESTED WITH INVESTORS?!??!!??!
OMFG IM SOOOOO PISSED IM JUST GONNA ASK FOR VACATION AND DISAPEAR
Hur dur, java is so bad that I'm gonna rant about it on a social network backed by a java database...1
So, we have this ma'am at work that is the least direct person I know.
She can transform one sentence in a paragraph and the meetings/talks with her I usually end up in my "happy place" at the middle of her phrases and come back latter when she isn't finished and I'm like
"wtf is she talking about yet? Damn I went away again, shit... Just nod and smile..."
We had a meeting scheduled with her and some clients today... She missed it... MOST FUCKING PRODUCTIVE DAY EVER!
Idiot hard coded database host on the app... Pushed to prod and suddenly shit wasn't working... Took me 10 minutes to figure out what was going on...
Wrote a passive aggressive git message and commited.
Before updating prod my boss turns around to me and the following took place:
Boss: is there any problem with the server?
Me: yes, someone (i know who was ) hard coded the test db IP and it broke the backend.
Boss: oh, but will it affect the mobile app?
Me: well, it won't work but I'm already pushing the fix.
Boss: no..err.. I mean... Will I have to make any change to the mobile app?
Me inside: wtf dude... For real?! Get your shit together...
Me: no. It good, I already fixed it.
Boss: OK. Thanks
Moron hard coded dB's host and stupid boss can't get shit together nor ask who did it to take precautions...12
Dumbass made me update site with broken code ...
After git pulling I got an ich and tested it...
So the following talk happened:
Me: feature x is still broken (it was working before...)
Dass: yeah, I just wanna make some screenshots of it from another machine that has windows.
Me: OK, I just rolled the changes back, you can access the other machine at lan...
Me inside: OOOHHHH YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MADE ME GET UP FROM BED AND START MY FUCKING COMPUTER FOR THIS BULLSHIT IDIOTIC NONSENSE?!? FOR REAL??? GET YOU SHIT TOGETHER ASSHOLE!
Just came back from a Dev event and it was so refreshing knowing that I have similar knowledge as some presenters and that almost anybody knows wtf they are doing 😂😂
Discovered yesterday that my boss does tests with production database... and I'm responsible for the fucking backups and he doesn't even care to let me now when so I can at least schedule one at slave. Come on... it's not that hard to let others know or test on your own machine...1
Senior developer just showed me a "competitor" that seems to do things waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than us on his web site and was telling me:
Senior: damn, I wish I could figure out how they do this. I've been trying for so long...
I write the URL on chrome with dev tools open and literally the first thing that comes on the console is a nice greeting from their devs with links to they github repositories, ends up they are open source...
And now I'm here thinking "WTF!!!! WHY ARE WE NOT DOING THINGS THIS WAY?"3
So... After this bullshit https://devrant.com/rants/1523838/...
Me: hey boss, so.. I made a list out of those PowerPoint's on Trello ( more than 50 cards ) , can we sit later to priorize them?
Boss: well.. We can but for me all those are important. And we are gonna have those other requests (THIS IS THE HUGE ONE) next week.
Me inside: aaaaahhhh... Scream to your faceeeee!!! I'm gonna kill you and use your skull as a fucking mug!!! Motherfucker!!!
Our deadline is end of this month :)4
Front-end dev trying to dictate back-end tech.
We are gonna start split stack (front / back ) development with the following projects and this stupid fucker who knows jackshit about backend , servers, etc... , is more versed in front end stuff and said herself that she knows nothing about databases told me this:
"No way we are gonna use Java."
I politely said:
"We are gonna analyze the projects requirements and see what technologies best fit the scenario"
Me inside my head:
Why the fuck this moron thought it was a good idea to set a global onClick event in a react component and make it have the desired behavior for EVERYTHING instead of the only click he wanted to get?
7 places you can click were triggering redux dispatch and ajax calls that should only work on one place... Fucking hell...4
Hahahaha just typed "teste" (Portuguese for test) in duck duck go and it showed me a picture of testicles ( I guess...) With huge "Testicle" written above it in the middle of the office hahahaha
Hope no one saw that, it was funny.1
Got home to acknowledge I forgot to pay the fucking internet bill and now I'm in a void without knowing what I'll do and everything might end with me wasting my mobile data and some whiskey2
Slack is cool and all... But do we really have to have an "account per team" ? Damn I cringed so hard when I was setting up two-factor authentication and realized it was this way... Wtf...9
So happy when opened the mail box and found my stickers 😁😁
thanks a lot @dfox and @trogus.
Here is my setup too, hope its not too late @localhost5
Been her for a while and people are always saying @dfox rules, although its true, let's not forget the other master. @trogus you rule too 😎3
Was talking about how I implemented CI/CD in one of our projects as a starting point to others and how it worked by running tests and deploying to the server and one of my colleagues laughed about having to have tests at all, I explained and asked him what was he gonna do that morning, his answer:
"Well, I'm gonna test the system X and fix some bugs"
To what I replied:
"If you have automated tests you could have those tests automatic(?!) and they also help you finding bugs early"
Wtf do ppl have in mind that they prefer remediation over prevention and they end up wasting their time with shit that could be fully automated?2
So this dubass left our company but convinced my boss to migrate our new stuff stack to react+firebase...
Already distributing my resume...2
For the past 45 days I've been the sole developer of a standalone Java application and doing some ops only, now I'm getting back to the spaghetti php bullshit they call code and for the past 5 minutes I could fell the depression striking back...
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! FUCK YOU SPRING-DATA-NEO4J YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY YOU SHIT FUCK !!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DELETE ON SAVE BULLSHIT!!!! OMFG!!!!!!! EVERYTIME IS SOME FUCKING SHIT THAT DELETES OTHER SHIT THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DELETED!!! JUST FUCK YOU ALREADY IM GONNA REWRITE ALL THIS SHIT!!!!!!!1
My boss is such a fucking pussy when it comes to stand up for anything that, even being a calm person, sometimes I just want to bitch slap that mother fucker, get him by the neck and say:
GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS FOR FUCKS SAKES!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!2
I came back to work from vacation on Monday but I'm so fucking unmotivated there and on full rant mode that I realised I might be fired before finding something new if I keep this way...
At least the CVs are rolling out already :)1
Oh so your deadline is Wednesday and you will travel on Thursday? Let's have a full day meeting on Monday... WELL FUCK YOU TOO!!!
I'm literally the only one who locks the screen here at work.
Always makes me wanna do something to teach then.
My boss always leaves the screen unlocked with sublime opened and goes to lunch!
I think someday he was logged into production also...
And I'm like: seriously? wtf...
I lock my screen even when I'm home alone... yes I'm that paranoid...
No one is gonna "Greek question mark" me 😂18
Wtf man, you are using fucking Ubuntu for 5 months and I really have to tell you how to edit fucking /etc/hosts? Fuck you... I should be the fucking boss...3
Just found out that our front-end intern that has been here for more than 4 months don't know about "onchange" events!!!
wtf man? I'm back end and know this shit...2
Yeah! Have one week to write from scratch a standalone app with an embedded db that I've never worked with in an area that I have close to no knowledge and it's all my fault , wish me luck 🙏3
When i started my work I encoubtered this db(one of 4): more than 20 tables, some with 200 columns literally... EVERYTHING is a varchar 😓.
I'm slowly designing some normalized tables with real fk on new features and projects and people are like: how the fuck did you implement this feature so fast? the other guy spent 3 months designing this form (and I'm just speechless):
The form was some sort of crazyness shit passing input names as "name-of-property" and a file only to check if(name="string") then store a number value to an array and save it as a "number" (actually varchar) on the db. literally more than 50 if statements to do this.
Everything on a single table that made no sense at all.
Just wtf... At least my boss let me start if from scratch cause he we were always having panick attacks every time he needed to do something with it. 😂😂6
My boss always like to say: damn, every time we fix something something else breaks.
And I always tell him about TDD, unit tests, etc...
He smiles and continues to work as if nothing have been said...
He sits behind me and is constantly "wtfucking" and I'm here just thinking that he might have broken something that could have been avoided if he listened to me.
We are working on separate projects now and every time I think that someday I'm gonna join that code it gives me goosebumps 😵😓1
so I'm here watching my boss' whatsapp blinking "typing..." for 5 minutes wondering of it's bugged, he's drunk or I have to update my CV...3
git commit messages
Only related changes on commit
"Detailed explanation of changes
- This bug
- That bug"
1732 changed files
Why can't people be more objective on demands?
These people can't fucking grasp the concept of "ask for something" NOOO they have to fucking make an endless black hole stupid speech to tell you to "do x"!!!!
FUCK YOU WHO DO THAT!!
YOU HAVE AN ASSHOLE WHERE SHOULD BE YOUR MOUTH!
After exhaustive talking to my boss, who always expresses the same concerns, we always end up agreeing that we need to separate development across our coworkers competences ...
We are even gonna hire a full front-end developer this time (as we did with the last 3 hires)..
And what did he do you may ask...
Put our front ender in charge of:
- Build a api in python
- Build the front-end
- 2 months deadline
The front ender is smart and is constantly asking me stuff and learning a lot.
But wtf boss? I could do it in no time...
I literally spent this whole week doing nothing, waiting for some approvals...
He is making everyone unmotivated as fuck ...
I'm starting to wonder pretty fucking every time if he is genuinely retarded.6
For fucks sake
Will I really have to become the fucking PM around here so shit start being done properly?
We look like bunch of scared cockroaches doing random shit everyday and lying to our selves that we are gonna meet deadlines and produce quality software but the only shit we can produce is quality bug.1
Aw.. The face of the intern when I magically scp'd a 3 GB file to his download folder in 30 seconds... But I'm still wondering why he didn't ask anything like: coll, how can I do that too?4
Apparently I have to teach what I know of Linux to my coworkers to reduce the bus factor on the server management role. ( already ranted about it )
What I want to do is create a single slide power point with "google.com" on it.
There is this project where the develop branch is "discontinued" because this moron "finished" a feature that is all fucking broken and I could not figure out how to solve all those merge conflicts...
I just gave up and told my stupid boss who just nods and laughs at everything... If it ever comes up I'm gonna tell them to get the fucker to solve it.1
How can people don't even fucking try to see if there is a better way?
Fuck, I'm constantly even trying to improve my fucking bath routine for fucks sake and these brainless monkeys are gonna be stuck forever with fucking "right click-copy right-click paste instead of keyboard shortcuts" ( just an analogy )
Fuck that makes me angry...2
Apparently I'm surrounded by morons...
For the past 7 days since I was ordered to learn react wich originated this rant https://devrant.io/rants/805055/...
I somehow know more of it then my team that is on it for the past month or more.
Looks like the "standard" is to pass refs everywhere instead of proper props/state utilization.
At first I was confused by the usefulness and credibility of it but after a literal 1 fucking minute google search I found it to be a bad practice discouraged even by official docs.
Wtf? No one read the docs?2
OMFG HOW CAN SOMEONE FUCK A PROJECT SO HARD IN TWO WEEKS???
I struggled for 6 months to keeps a minimal pattern and logic throughout the project between tight deadlines and changed scopes, but in two weeks they managed to literally shit on top of it and now I have to fix this bullshit?
Oh boy...I really don't know if I fucking scream, punch someone or rage quit.2
I had a dream that I was on my first day at a startup and it was all going pretty well, was pretty happy ... So I asked for the code and it was php and had to use windows...
How can a dream become a nightmare so quickly?3
You know what? I'm done with this bullshit of "do it and we review latter" when I ask clarification on requirements.
No you fucking stupid piece of shit, I'm a mother fucking professional developer, treat me with fucking respect!
I can't spend weeks trying to figure out wtf is your specific domain specifications if you ain't answer my questions with clarity I'm gonna keep asking them in slightly different ways as if you where a search engine and I'm trying to search wtf is in your mind.
Only then I'm gonna start planning/coding your shit.
I have better things to do.
Your lack of planning isn't my priority.3
Just found out that my script is creating duplicate data on standalone applications that are on the field already :)
Time for a coffee break.
Why the fuck management keep outsourcing entire platforms for in-house use if we have a fucking dev team...
Those platforms are constantly having contract issues and one we recently rewrote from scratch and is waaay better than the one they fucking paid another company to do....3
Network manager: administration just canceled our domain registration 2 months before schedule.
Boss: uh.. OK... but can't we make a script to route traffic from www.canceled.com to our server?
Me: that's not how DNS works ( proceed to explain how DNS works )
PS: boss is lead developer... wtf?2
Fuck all these companies!! Every time I'm looking for jobs in my area all job descriptions only make me realize that I won't fit these environments and I'm better off starting my own business but I can't think of anything useful to do ... FUCK!!8
When I was starting my programing adventures I was intern in a "java position" that sucked so hard that I quited about 2 weeks in....
We would actually not code any single line... It was a fucking bullshit code generator for some shitty thing that I really didn't get and all we did was watch video tutorials about how to use it...
I was going insane...
There was this "senior" php dev at the team that used to brag that php was the most awesome fucking shit in the world and once said something like "I mean... Come on ... You can do anything in php... What can you do in java that you cant in php"
Oh boy... If it was today I would teach him some manners...
f#cking idiots always saying stupid things followed by "I'm not an idiot..."
and trying to humiliate other people...2
So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...
Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.
So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...
Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.2
So I got sick of this "nodejs" bullshit around here and proposed a competition to define our next backend tech.
The node defender is already finding excuses as to why they might write bad code because of lack of knowledge , my answer:
If you don't know the tech we ain't gonna use it.
If this was userRant most of the rants would be about difficulties with the app itself.
People say: of course I'm having issues, in not used to it.
I used to help people to use android or iphone even before I had one.
Its not about being used to something. Its about putting your brain to work... some people just can't ...6
why the fuck do these mother fuckers have to give information to the ones responsible for designing the fucking application on the approval fase so I have to redesign some areas and spend a lot of time doing shit I could do once...
and that's not new information... no... I could handle it... it's fucking things you know since your fucking birth!!! fuck you and your shit talk!!!1
So I was on a meeting with this (https://devrant.com/rants/1189203/...) guy's PM and he marked him on a front-end card on trello and I was like "HAHAHAHA BURN MOTHERFUCKER" on the inside.
It was beautiful :)2
OMFG caddy server is fucking beautiful, I'm falling in love with it at every test... So simple 😍
Does anyone have experience to share with it?11
People have a hard time realizing we do have to cover (at least try) all the possibilities... Yes ma'am I do have to know everything beforehand...
Zyrolasting's Inferno - Layer = 0
Welcome to Hell, or at least an instance of it. It's for programmers, so we call the entrance Layer 0. Clever, right? We have fun here. I'll show you around.
That screen by the entrance was supposed to say "Abandon all hope ye who enter here" with some nice animations and all, but the senior front-end dev is on holiday and the only backend dev that we could convince to try it kinda panicked when he saw our asset build pipeline. He grabbed jQuery and d3 for some reason and tried to animate it himself. After spatting with CSS and SVG at the same time he gave up and shipped what he had. But to his credit, if you tilt your head and cross your eyes you can still kinda read it.
We group people into layers like other hells, but it's not like you are going to chew the same brussel sprout for eternity in Layer 3 because you were a glutton. What we do is assign values to layers. Yeah, values, like honor, safety, love, all the warm fuzzies. All of our staff get split up into teams that claim to support the values of that layer, and we assign the souls that actually HAVE those values to the same layer and make them write software. Stop crying.
Yes, yes, look, I know it's tough, but every soul of the damned forgets that a Hell exists specifically to teach them that death isn't the end. Funny that people keep assuming that's a hopeful outlook.
Now my understanding is that you are here because you shared a single Google Sheet with all customers in your first and only startup as a way to collect their schemas for use in fixed webservice endpoints. Ni-i-i-ce. Unlucky for you that you had enough technical knowledge to be that kind of dumb, because then you probably would lack values and we would have hired you. We originally shipped off the amoral to traditional Hell with the fire and brimstone and whatever because we had enough staff--No, you can't go there instead--but then we got way more brownie points with Satan when we found out we could assign souls to the supervisors they had in life.
The stairs are down this way. Hurry along, there's much to see.
To be continued.2
My coworkers are always too busy to learn new things ... and the only thing they adopted is git... other than that its just a clusterfuck of spaghetti code that everybody develops the way they see fit...
at least we are using a local (because reasons) gitlab-ce that I managed to install on the shadows and kind of introduced it without disrupting their way of pulling pushing ...
and they didn't even log in there , only once.. to create the account 😐
why don't people have any passion to learn? :/2
Made my research about mechanical keyboard and was worried that my first one was going to be too loud at work.
I can hear the majority of hammering cave trolls smashing their membrane keyboards louder than I can hear my MX Brown.
This shit is like heaven for fingers.
lead dev: hey, I just committed but can't push
me: you need to add a remote repository, you don't have any yet
lead dev: what you mean by remote? 😕😕😕
me: explain what "push" does.
lead dev: ( with didn't get it expression ) hum...
me: (I think I'm in the wrong place) 😐😐😐😐
My boss creates so many wtf moments with his total tech "un-savyness", although he is the " lead" dev, that I'm getting worried that I might be doing the biggest wtf faces every time ... I can't pretend like nothing is happening anymore .... Fuck!
On the beginning of a project I'm not yet ( 😒 ) taking part of I questioned the use of firebase because I understood the client was gonna ask for the web app to be hosted on their servers lately, but people told me not to worry.
Today... Only 2 fucking months later they are asking for the specifications/technologies used so they can prepare their server to host it and I was laughing my ass out internally while saying to my boss:
Well, looks like you are gonna need to rewrite huge parts and probably write a back end from scratch if you are gonna use postgresql.
Lol, why do people never listen to me? This is becoming ridiculous....
I was considering starting a business with a coworker something like dfox-trogus duo...
But damn he can't even stop pushing unfinished changes ... Its not bug... Its bug+unfinished... Bugs I can handle...
Now I really think I might be better alone4
Me coding and researching to fix new things everyday and people come to me saying:
"You are working too much"
And I'm thinking: actually, its a never ending learning job, I dedicate so much because almost everyday I learn at least one thing.
But knowing that non-tech people have a hard time around it I just answer: yeah.3
Just figured out that while I was on vacation they made a really well thought (not) decision to switch to Firebase despite having 4 fully managed VPS with low usage.
Wanna know what the big deal is?
The only one who looks like knows anything is the fucking intern.
I was trying to understand the thought process and everything revolved around "its real time" argument.
No one knows how the api really works, the benefits of "real time" , and we are using the free plan :)
Yeah... People really do overthink things here...
Got to work today to find out our staging server HDD has gone poof... Guess who's gonna have to reconfigure it...4
im the only person in my company who has any sort of tech skill. Im the only dev here, the only IT guy here, and pretty much the only person who can use a computer outside of facebook. And my CEO is expressing concerns as to what i do? Life of startup hell2
So we have 4 web apps that do basically the same thing with some nuances...
Just realized this today by trying to do something in one that is already working in 3 of them and wondering: what the fuck?
Sometimes I get me thinking that the only coworker I consider real dev is the intern.
Really looking forward to go to a real coding job.2
3 months project:
- deadline changed to 2 months
- specs delayed by 1 month
Now a 1 month project...
Started one month earlier so I could achieve something...
Now, 23 days to deadline: here, take this 20 page PDF with 200 questions ( witch can be drastically reduced) to make the new form section (2nd section out of 6).
Me: OK, but it could be nice to have everything at once so I could design it accordingly , I can see questions here that are repetitive , it would spare me a lot of work if I could see the big picture.
she: Just put those (200 f#cking questions) on and show me so I can see if its good and deliver the rest based on it.
OK, fuck it I'm just let hibernate create all the fucking tables and I figured out where to get all the questions she wants anyway... there are 7 categories with repeated questions...(about 150)...
Just wonder what's so hard to do her job... she had 3 months to do it and I only have 1...
So.. There is this meeting today that 70% is gonna be nontechnical bullshit and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be there thinking about anything but focusing on it....2
It would be great if you didn't change your changes after I implement them you fucking inconstant bitch...2
So my coworker was trying to `npm install` after I recently installed Ubuntu on her machine and for some reason , I was doing something else, some jdk not being installed error popped on her screen.
She proceeded to have a mini freak out telling me that npm wasn't working because java wasn't installed and I started hysterically laughing in the middle of the office with my boss next to her staring at me... So I said firmly ( while laughing ):
"no bahuhaahah that's not hahahaha the case."
Still can't understand wtf she thinks happens with stuff in a computer... Cmon...
"You basically need a iOS and Android app, with access to the driver and also to the final client with an administrative environment and integration to pay online via the app"
- Uber like app request from a friend
How hard can it be to convincente my fucking team to take unit testes seriously?
I'm gonna tell you: REALLY FUCKING HARD!!! TO EVEN CONSIDER START LOOKING WTF IT IS!!!
Cmon people... Improve your fucking selves once in a while...
Omfg wtf is going on with bitcoin?
Don't know what makes me crazy about its growth in 2017: the fact that I have no money to buy some or the fact that when I have it might collapse ... Aaaargh9
For the fucking millionth time!!!
Backup != slave-master replication you dumb fuck...
What the fuck is so hard to understand after countless explanations using fucking drawings and shit?
FUCK YOU!!! HOW CANT YOU SEE THAT EVERY TIME I SUGGEST TO SEPARATE OUR FUCKING WORKFLOW WITH FRONT END/BACK END AND TRY TO INTRODUCE AT LEAST SOME MANAGEMENT TO THIS SHIT HOLE ITS MY WAY OF SAYING: look dude, I like it here but fuck you shit face if I have to deal with this fucking CSS bullshit one more time there are going to be delays everywhere ...
Fuck you CSS.1
As if I had nothing better to not nor deadlines I went on a mission to tweek my i3-wm installation with resulted in lightdm not starting... FML7
wtf boss!!!! Is it so hard to understand that having one column per year is a horrible bad practice?9
Sitting here in Brazil watching everyone getting their stickers and knowing it will take at least 4 months to receive mine... 😬😤😒😓😓😭😭9
Damn, I'm fucking tired of this country...
"Want affordable electronics?
Well you can go uck your self"
Imagine paying 200 for a pi zero... And from a world wide reseller they don't ship here...
Want a notebook? How about getting 2 months worth of your full salary to pay for a medium one? Pretty good huh?
Globalization my ass.6
After a hard search and test work my boss finally agreed upon using YouTrack as a software management tool.
So we have this project that we are hosting on our testing server for presentation purposes ( already provisioning prod server ).
Our boss was presenting it to investors and my superior committed a bug there and was asking me help to figure out how to fix it (yeah.. he doesn't know how to checkout last commits in git... fml), and I realised the presentation might still be going on... so I asked: isn't boss showing it to investors?
superior: lol, idk maybe.
me: right... ( I proceed to roll back changes ) bye, have a good lunch.
And here I am having lunch considering my life choices.
Looks like using another language to develop a separate process on the system is too much of a mind blow to my boss.
The look on his face when I tried to suggest such thing made me realize it will not be worth the time explaining the benefits of using the right tool for the job.1
So this stupid fuck whose react code is a clusterfuck of bugs just bashed me when I said Java is better then node because of reasons...
I was literally speechless while thinking if I should humiliate her or not.
Guess life will show her because I don't give a fuck.
It is so funny how this PM got dizzy when I started detailing all the possibilities of her generic requirements and asking for clarification and we started drawing how the fuck she wants in to be.
But "just put all data on the report" should be simple, right?
Not a 2 hours discussion on one topic out of 10, right?
So my peers are making a hybrid android app and I'm managing the back end, at the start of the project I told them to publish it to the play store to test if it will pass any rules ( I assume there are automatic inspection or whatever) we are near the launching fase and we don't even have a dev account there yet...
How can I fucking plan a software AFTER I implement it??? People want to shit without eating first....1
Colleague just factory reset the firewall....
- "I have just changed a firewall rule"
Motherfucker!!!!! Burn, burn in hell!
What the fuck? Been trying to see rants all day long at work and at home and DevRant was super weird as if I wasnt connected, which I was...
Tested jsrant.com and the api was working...
Connected to a VPN on digital ocean and everything works flawlessly, dinconected from VPN and DevRant is off again...
Now on VPN... Wtf...5
We interviewed some candidates for a dev position some weeks ago and, knowing the environment isn't that challenging (at least for me) I voted against the better curriculums because I know they would be frustrated fast, I said that. But I didn't say it was because it's shit here... Of course.... I really just want the good devs to be better then they can be here.... What do you think?3
Oh you dumbass I can't "just save the data and we plan later" ! I have to plan firs IN ORDER TO SAVE THE FUCKING DATA SOMEWHERE!!! THIS IS NOT FUCKING EXCEL! EVEN EXCEL WAS FUCKING PLANNED !
Was struggling with a NullPointerException that apeared on a test machine of a standalone spring boot app I'm developing...
5 hours latter I found the reason by accident....
The default session timeout was too low...
Increased that bitch to 10 hours and don't rely on session anymore to pass data...
So I rush to job just to find a power outage on the building , don't know if I should be happy to have "nothing" to do or be sad cause I have a lot to do but can't 😓
So we are gonna have a presentation offshore in an international event, in some hours from now.
Boss asked me to update some data along with some that a coworker was working on.
I asked about said data to coworker and she replied: they are in dropbox since yesterday.
And I was like OK.
AND NOW I'M FUCKING AWAKE AT 3 AM TO UPDATE IT AND 80% OF THE FUCKING DATA ISN'T ON THE FUCKING DROPBOX!!!! WTFFFF!!!!!
Im on it, all my rants refere to it:
780 columns table, pushing unfinished changes to master and recently the new hire pushed a 700mb database bkp to production... I had to learn how to clean that shit on git and rebuild the repository...
How can someone not realize they are pushing 700mb to gitlab?
That shit must have taken ages... I realized because git pull was taking too long...
What the fuck is a "pre test"? And why the fuck do you call it if there are no other tests after it? Get your shit together pm!!!!
Oh yeah!! Fucking great!!! Payday delayed due to Digital Ocean's NYC1 hypervisor's maintenance woohoo!!1
Wtf google is that so hard to make it easy to wget/curl some files/folders from google drive? Wtf...2
php is so fucking great, every time I'm coding in php I'm astonished by the speed it goes from code to test. Unfortunately its the only benefit I see in using php.2
The deepest, darkest place in hell is reserved to the people who wrote the Drupal documentation.
Fucking cms hell.
So I hooked gitlab pushes to show on slack channel... My coworkers don't have a clue about merge, commits, anything.... Sometimes looks like they have no clue about most of the things...
So our HR and Network Admin are building an "intranet" off site and I just discovered they asked for a feature that is gonna make slack irrelevant... They both know shit about slack and we who do know something where just perplexed to the amount of money thrown away here with shit like that...
Damn, I'm conducting some benchmarks on go and php...
A php page that simply returns "hi" with no framework is a lot slower than 1000 calls with 200 concurrency to a go function that queries redis and returns a json.3
Why the fuck do I have to wait more than 2 seconds to cancel a fucking FAILED PayPal transaction??? AND HAVE MY CREDIT BACK?!?! C'mon !!! ITS FUCKING 2016!!!
When you sent a message to the customer starting with the word "hell" instead of "hello".
What a stupid buster!!
So they built a ionic app for compatibility between android and iOS now they are gonna keep ionic for android and build from scratch with react native for iOS... Am I missing something? Is that right? Am I sleeping?
That moment when you are scrolling DevRant and your wife just doesn't shut the f up and your are raging inside but you love her and are as calm as Dalai Lama on the outside.
Yes love, of course (Just let me read !!! wtf!!!) 😂😂😂😂3