How did I learn how to program?

I didn't. I'm still learning ☺.

We will never be done learning.

That's the beauty of it all.

What the hell Siri.... What sort of computation is this

WebEx.

Oracle. Enough said.

You think YOU chose *insert js framework here*? Think again!

How many times?;)

Can i pass being REALLY drunk as the ballmers peak?

I just had to completely uninstall and reinstall Visual Studio enterprise because I wanted to convert from trial user to subscribed user.

Client: Hey. So. LOVE your work. Got my computer repaired at your place a few weeks ago. And you guys did a GREAT job. But noooooow...my phone is acting up. Can you fix it?

Me: Why yes! We can! It will be ________! Keep in mind, the price includes all labor and comes with a three month warranty!

Client: But you said the last time I was there I had a warranty. Why isn't my phone covered under warranty?

Me: because the warranty only covers your computer issue that we fixed.

Client: BUT YOU SAID I HAD A WARRANTY!!!!!

It was at that moment I wanted nothing more than to sink into the wall behind me and wash my hands of this insanity.

When you get back home from your job and you do exactly the same things because you love it

Lately, in the company I work for, it's becoming the norm for the dev to finish workdays at 10pm or 11pm, but we still get yelled at when we arrive after 9am. Anyway, every week, the PMs and salesmen have a big meeting to debrief how everything is working so well in this so wonderful company, and whatever. From what I've been told, it's just a big session of self-satisfaction, applause, and gossips.
During the two or three last meetings, some PMs dared to point out that the dev felt underestimated and constantly under pressure. Last time, the boss of the managers answered: "Developers just like to complain."
Yeah, right! We work like hell everyday to respect deadlines of underestimated projects, we have to fight to get hardware, and even a good chair is a precious resource!
Ultimately, another PM trainee said projects were late because dev are just laughing all day long... Go figure!
I feel like most of IT companies treat dev like inferior robots :(

Turing test

Probably a little OCD on my part, but when colleagues write SQL keywords in lowercase

Follow up on a previous rant:

I visited a customer to talk about the reporting discrepancy between two applications.

It turns out the applications were custom built by outsourced developers from Russia, that communicate with each other through a byzantine (and completely undocumented) series of web services, excel import/export tasks, and a customized SSRS environment.

These are spread across at least half a dozen servers, some on-premise and some cloud based, there are at least 3 SQL servers (2 running 2005, one running 2000), a 10 year old local install of TFS (which no one knows a username/password for), and who-knows-what-else.

They laid off their entire IT team years ago, and they have no backups.

I'm not certain anyone there even understands what the software is supposed to be doing beyond the most general terms.

No one knows if they even have source code.

Biggest case of "nope!" I've encountered in more than 20 years of IT experience.

Fianceé didn't get it when I told her she was my 0th first real love

Be honest, how often does this happen to you XD

School sucks.
Paying quiet a lot of money(not having that much) to a private school that used to impress me two years ago.
Now I can see all the hidden crap:
- Project work is graded after written lines

- "Do this project with scrum" Got two hours in the room with scrum board in a whole semester

- Exams are pushed if the teacher is to lazy to deal with bad results. A 3 ( or C ) became best grade.

- They could not find a teacher for OS & Networks. So instead of 1 semester Server architecture we got 5 days.. 1 of them for exam (exam = final grade)

- Guy took part with us during the 5 days. "How did you do that?!? Doesn't work on my PC I think" - half year later he is the new Network teacher

- Surpassingly he sucks at that, being half a week ahead of his lessons by googling shit together. Can't answer a single question beyond that..

Once he created a multiple choice exam. Questions in a word document online, answers on paper. Not just that he never blocked the internet during the exam, he also publicly uploaded the document a week ahead. Securing it with a 5 letter password... Somehow we all passed that one with a pretty good average.

Besides there a some teachers who are actually really good.

Dear Client,
If you have any suggestions, please send them to spam@companyname.com to make sure they get treated properly.
Sincerely,
CompanyName Ltd.

Best email of the year so far, from a "reputable" IT supplier.

I had asked for numerous copies of x86 and x64 copies of Windows 7.

Clarification email came back "I can't find an 84 bit copy of Windows. Can you clarify?"

Not sure that mail will be beaten this year. They weren't even looking for an 86 bit version.

Unfortunately I just had to explain rather than play along for a few hours as time limited.

FML.

DBA asks for stage DB user's password. Uses it for production DB.

!rant

I've got 99 problems and my time is none

Common Lisp's format function.

Because it supports some crazy convenient formatting directives, such as: writing numbers as words, writing numbers as Roman numerals, correctly writing plurals, etc

The code in the image will print:
one cat
two cats
three cats
...
seven cats

This is one of my favorite commit strip. Why? For the glory of code of course!

My standard response for any stupid questions. If you haven't tried it already then don't bother me.

mysql server crashes every 18 days, no oom, no crash logs, no sigkill being sent (used auditd). so I figure it's a unknown corner case bug in mysql. now I use a cron job to restart the damn thing every week at 3am, not a problem anymore

And this is one of the reasons why MS Windows is an unusable piece of crap.. Been 40 mins here and still updating.. Like I have all the time in the f*ckin universe..

Generally I don't discuss work with family as they just smile and nod.

I start by saying I'm a front end web developer, then simplify to I code websites, then I have to simplify again to say I make the bit you look at.

So now I just say I'm in IT.

Me and my Family(And just about everyone else)

when my relatives know I'm studying IT:
"ooh, did you know that this guy made this and become rich, and this guy made this app and is rich now too, so why haven't you made anything yet?"
//its not that simple...

Dad: Is this an excuse to play more video games?
Me: Sigh...