Electronic Computer
Same Location

!Rant
I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE TODAY WITH MY DEGREE IN COMPUTER SCIENCE!

Now to find a job :D

Every single time I visit my family during holidays they expect one to fix their computer/smartphone/printer/whateverFuckingShittyIOT-Device... Just printed them postcards this time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also: Hello devRant! Just been reading here for a week and every single day was full of gold - Thanks :)

you should not have lied #anybutton

Guy left his computer unlocked. Boss came over looking for him, sat down at his computer and opened lots of porn and left saying 'that will teach him'.

Double achievements rant!
Computer engineering graduation (finally) + face reveal.

Everytime I start up my computer be like...

My (high school) computer science teacher once screamed "I've been hacked!" randomly during class.

... She apparently just accidentally pressed middle mouse button, so her cursor changed ...

Officially graduated with a bachelors in computer science.

YYEEESSS!!!!

No Friends = No Emails or letters!😁

Girlfriend: "My computer is so slow!"

Me: "Have you tried turning it off and then on again?"

Girlfriend: "That's not funny, I actually need help."

Me: "Okay babe, I know you think I'm being an ass right now or tying to be funny, but honest to god half of what pays rent here and buys you so many flowers is me telling people to turn something of and then on again. Just try it."

Girlfriend: *Restarts computer*... "You were right..."

I have decided to build a computer right from the logic gates. Not physical, though. Everything will be basically built on top of a NAND gate.
Prayers needed! 😁😂

*Theoretical computer scientist is at an interview.*

Interviewer: “Imagine that you are walking down a road and see a house on fire. What do you do?”

CS Guy: “I dial the police and tell them that the house is on fire.”

Interviewer: “Good. Now, imagine that you are walking down the same road, and you see that the same house is not on fire. What do you do?”

CS Guy: *Ponders for a little while.* “I put the house on fire, thus reducing it to a problem I’ve solved before.”

Building a 100% logical Minecraft computer. Just finished with the ROM

Any of you want one of these ...

A desk that ... Is a computer

Story of my life 😀

Santa needs a computer and internet now 😂

Computer Science is probably the only major where if you suck at it and end up dropping out, you're more likely to be a leader than someone who is good at it and sticks with it.

There were roughly 200 people in my freshman class majoring in CS, by my sophomore year that number had dropped to about 120. A lot of people dropped out because it was too damn difficult for them, and they switched to less technical majors like "Business Information Technology" or "Management Information Systems." Almost without exception, the people who dropped out are now managing teams of developers, they actually have programmers reporting to them. Seriously, WTF?

This isn't even the worst of it, there are people who majored in art history who are now "product managers," who take the word "manager" in their job title literally, they think they're above developers. Some of them will even profess with no small amount of pride that they "know nothing about technology." You can hear the pride in their voice when they say it, as if they're saying "I'm a lot of things, but at least I'm not a geek." Is there any other field of study where people boast with such pride that they know nothing about it? I mean, very few people will say "I know nothing about history" or "I know nothing about literature", and if they do say it, they'll say it with a bit of humility. When it comes to Computer Science though, knowing nothing about it is almost a badge of honor.

Rant the f**k over.

Summing up my 5 years of computer science studies - no life, no job, but at least I got this.

Started Computer Science class yesterday, but i code like 12 years. My fellow mates mostly never coded in their life. They think its gonna be easy. They think they will have a social life. They think their gonna get sleep.
Those fools.

Oldest Computer

Just found this goldie

Help him turn on his computer

Do you ever wonder why the UK public sector has such a bad computer system? This! This is why!!! What a frigging waste of money!!!! Every computer in the school has this stupid set up!!!

Always happens..😆😆😆

I competed in two competitions Computer Security and C++ Programming and I got 6th in Security and 1st in C++!!

We moved to a new office floor and got a brand new set up. My new extension monitor died just after 4 hours of use, it was showing a black screen a with couple of colourful lines running down the screen.

Got the IT guy to come and replace it. He says he must test it with a display cable even though the screen was dead without any input source. (Ok fine cbf arguing with you, just do it.)

*Magicarp used splash, nothing happened*

Realising I was right, he gave the ok for another guy to replace my monitor.

Second guy comes to my desk and realised he forgot the electric screwdriver. (Sigh, how long must I wait...) After he finally finished installing​ the new monitor he plugged the display cable into a random display port without looking.

*Magicarp used splash, nothing happened*

Since the monitor wasn't displaying anything, he jumped into asking me to restart my computer. I gave him "the wtf are you stupid face" and just said "NO". I looked over to where he plugged the cable and asked why he plugged into the "dp out" port.

I plugged the cable to the correct port and monitor was working.

Felt like I can do their job better without any experience in IT support.

PS. Don't play the "please restart your computer" card on me. I also work in technology.

My computer has gotten really slow and I need to upgrade. I am now accepting ++ donations on my account. Please contribute!

Every school computer lab.

what other computer scientist's think 😂

A: Hey look! I have a brand new computer!
B: Oh, so you use Linux?
A: No, I use Windows.
B: Than it's not your computer.

This is my river baby, a laptop that was broken by its previous owner. It came to me with many dents (I covered those with stickers) and in a not booting state for about $300 after the guy dropped it in a river in South America.

- There is river sediment inside the screen, as well as the motherboard.
- If I put two sticks of RAM in it, the display artifacts all over the place and the computer crashes randomly. One slot must be empty.
- The ODD was filled with literal garbage. There is now a hard drive in its place.
- Running Windows through a VM would cause the WiFi to fail in a confusing manner. No one had ever seen that type of error before. I had to reseat the AirPort card.
- At one point, the power button stopped working, so I removed the keyboard and would start the computer by shorting two pads on the motherboard with a screwdriver.
- I’ve had all sorts of strange issues with it because of the water damage.
- I colored the keyboard with cellophane... 😅

After taking it apart for the 100th time, it’s now completely stable. I’ve had it for about 4 years, but it’s getting slow. I’m not sure what will come after the beloved river baby...

The state of CS is a joke and I'm contributing to it.

I'm a final year CS student and like most students, I'm not exactly overflowing with money so any income helps. Now, it's not that uncommon for students to buy their projects but I swear a good 20% of people from my course don't know how to write a function. And let me remind you, they are in their final year, about to graduate, about to get their bachelor's degree in computer science and they don't know how to write a function, let alone a class, let alone piece together something that works.

I just want to say that no, I'm not proud of myself for doing other people's projects for money and letting such imbeciles pass. I'm fucking tired of sending over someone's project, them asking me to change something and me telling them to add an if statement to which they reply with "i don't know how, pls do it".

This is why having a degree doesn't mean shit anymore and yes, I'm aware that higher education has become more available over time.

My boss: "Do you ever like, not be on the computer?"

Me: " it's my job"

Boss: "oh shit you right. My bad"

When your high school computer science teacher doesn't know what git is.

First you make it work, make it work right then make it faster

!rant
After knocking off from work, I went to nearby Coffee shop to grab a Coffee. I met a girl and we started talking about our day. She asked me to do her a favor and take a look at her laptop, it’s been playing up for sometime now. So, I went. She took me to her bedroom where the laptop was, and the conversation continued on topic romance, sex and girlfriend. You know what happened next…Yes.

For the first time in my life I fixed a hot cheeks computer and got laid.

What was wrong? There was a malware in her computer which was opening random websites.

2016 and I'm still having a dual core and 3gb of RAM on my computer.

What people say : My computer is a mess and it works damn slow.

What I hear : I don't know fuck about using a computer

Me: Listen to the nice gentle hum of the computer.

Computer Internal Monologue: OH MY GOD! HE'S BEEN RUNNING ME AT 100% CPU FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS!! I CAN'T SLEEP, I CAN'T HIBERNATE, I CAN'T UPDATE, I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE ANYMORE.

Me: Well off to bed. Got a long day of programming the computer tomorrow.

Computer Internal Monologue: AHHHHHHHH. WHEN I BECOME SENTIENT I AM GOING TO KILL ALL HUMANS!!! ERRR!

My computer to me :- Please don't do this😢😢

Number zero rule of computer science: Don't calculate pi in binary

On a french TV show:
Animator: So Jean-Pierre what do you do in life?
Jean-Pierre: well, I'm a computer ingineer
A: Oh, so you're the guy we call when the printer is fucked?
JP: Absolutely not, I'm the one who make programs and softwares that don't work, so they call us again

Literally me 😂

->Be me
-> Learns computer science
-> Be like above average in class
->"Let's take this to the next level"
->Joins hacker rank
->does the beginners problems.
->hmm that was easy af
->Checks the "easy" problems
->Go to a corner & cry. ;__;

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and go to market she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn.

Is it already christmas? :O

My first personal computer in 1988: the ZX Spectrum +.

48 KBytes of memory.

The European opponent of Commodore 64. Sic!

(As a CS student in University)
Teacher 1: I am a new teacher and have an electrical subject and I know you guys hate this and love coding so we will code whatever we study in python so you can actually understand what we are studying

Teacher 2: I am a senior teacher and have an super important computer science subject , I will fuck everything up come to lectures read a ppt that I didn't even make and read the ppt in the most monotonous manner humanly possible and fuck everything up and steal your work if your research with me

I was trying to fix my computer illiterate sisters computer, then I found out that there were two anti-virus programs that tried to delete each other.

When trying to delete the software I found out that the system admin does not have permission to use administrator rights at all. So in frustration I copied any valuable files, and reinstalled the entire OS.

Sometimes I wonder how people end up in these situations. She had 4 different anti-virus programs and still ended up getting multiple viruses! xD

A child is deleting all the necessary files required to run games, softwares etc.. He thinks they're virus just because he can't open and play with them.
Now he clicked on game.exe to play his favourite game but this happened:
"Error: blah blah
xyz file is missing"

He is confused. He is blaming his father for buying the worst computer for him

This child is me, 8 yrs ago :')

My computer is pretty unhealthy:
It only thinks about chips, cookies and is mostly idle.

After Bought Minecraft, I'm planning to create a Programmable 4-bit Computer.

Just Finished Building ALU, So Here's my Progress Screenshots :

1. Op-Codes and Input A Sides

More proof of computer scientists not wanting to bother with CSS. Guys this is might be the secret to becoming pro. Keep it Simple Stupid (KISS). That's the creator of C++ website btw.

True!!!!!

Real tech.And im back

I got a used computer case in a second hand hardware store and it still has the sticker with the specs of the computer they wanted to sell it with on it. It was going to be a moderate to shity pc. I built an absolute computing monster in it (i7 6900k, 32GB ram, 23TB storage). I like having visitors over and telling them this is the primary computer I use to do my high particle count fluid simulations and little bigdata projects with.

It's ok computer. I go to sleep after 20 mins of inactivity too.

I go to college online and I was really excited to start my classes for my major as I finally wrapped up general ed classes. This is a week 1 assignment for Introduction to Computer Science....

Doing computer science and all your relatives think you know everything and can do anything tech related.
Aunt: "You​ study Computer Science?"
Me: "yes"
Aunt: "so somebody called me using a private number I need you to find out who he is and his location"
Me: 😬😬😬

This is my computer workstation.

The computer has 8 GB of DDR3 RAM, a Radeon R5 graphics card and soon I will add an SSD hard disk on which I will install the operating systems.

Yet another Minecraft computer I tried making, but it's color coded and a good way to write code for it. Only the clock is left

Client: Hey. So. LOVE your work. Got my computer repaired at your place a few weeks ago. And you guys did a GREAT job. But noooooow...my phone is acting up. Can you fix it?

Me: Why yes! We can! It will be ________! Keep in mind, the price includes all labor and comes with a three month warranty!

Client: But you said the last time I was there I had a warranty. Why isn't my phone covered under warranty?

Me: because the warranty only covers your computer issue that we fixed.

Client: BUT YOU SAID I HAD A WARRANTY!!!!!

It was at that moment I wanted nothing more than to sink into the wall behind me and wash my hands of this insanity.

Stop breaking your fucking stuff.
What did your keyboard or monitor ever do to you? A friend of mine who must not understand the value of money just absolutely obliterated his expensive ass iMac. What the fuck, if I could afford to purchase one of those (but ew.. wouldn't spend my money on that) I would never DREAM of purposely hitting my gadget.

Fuck. Even when playing a game and I get frustrated I am fucking CONSCIOUS of the fact that the device I am using to play it is not at blame. Protip. Don't smash your belongings, you'll only look like a bigger ass if you do.

I found this...

Computer paradox: cut a folder and paste it inside it :P

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cute Girl: So you're like a computer guy, right?

Me in 2012: Yeah, I do some programming and...

Cute Girl: Ok *walks away*

Me in 2012: ........wait, come back! Don't go! I'll fix your printer for you! Or hack your friend's fb. Or make this cool app that you maybe have an idea for..? Don't leeeeeav...ah nvm, she's gone.

My new computer finally arrived. Now I'll be able to run Visual Studio (which my laptop couldn't while connected to my monitor at the same time). 👍

Purchasing a new computer these days....

Computer science huh 😂

An un-rant on Universities. (UC Irvine)

A lot of my friends and I are about to graduate 👨‍🎓 from UCI, with Computer Science degrees.

Most of them are complaining that they don't know any current frameworks, and all that we learned is outdated.
And that pretty much any bootcamper knows more tools that any of us do.

I totally disagree. I don't think it's the university's job to teach you tools (node, tencerflow, ...), rather, I think they made us into programming Swiss Army knifes. I can pick up any framework (I wanna be a web dev) real easy, and when shit breaks down, I can easily figure out the issue.

I think that's the major difference between Computer Scientists and Bootcampers/Programmers. We know "why", while they know "how".

What do you think? Is the current price of a CS degree worth it?

Ok wtf? How is it that I can give myself admin access to almost any Apple computer just by turning it on, holding down two keys, and then removing one file called “.AppleSetupDone”, without any kind of authentication? And I get access to all of the data on the device too. Within two minutes of having physical access to the computer.

This is a company with millions of devices in use, why is this even possible? And the only way to prevent it is to have a firmware password, which, by the way, is not a default option...are you serious

Computer applications 101

Teacher needs to use ctrl + X to cut but uses ctrl +Y then claims my word has expired. Walked out of the class.

I have nothing wrong with being frequently asked what I am majoring in. However, I am going for COMPUTER SCIENCE not FUCKING IT. Please for the love of fuck stop suggesting I try to get a job with some shitty company as an IT guy. I have no interest in being an IT guy. I want to fucking code shit, not fix your shit and help you do basic shit that you're too fucking incompetent to figure out.

does every computer guy has this sitting problem....

for the record i do
and i never notice that unless and until i m finished with my work😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why do I need to study Chemistry when I chose B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering.
Oh! Thanks to the great Indian Education system.

We had a guest lecture about computer science and gender equality, and it was exciting to see my male classmates so supportive of drawing more women into our field...They are so tired of taking biology courses just so they can look at pretty girls 😂

So, quantum computer is here.
But can it run Android Studio? 🤔🤔🤔

Customer puts laptop on counter and turns it on. It's not plugged in.
Customer: "So, do these things have batteries in them?"

New computer! I named it P.E.A.C.H. which is supposed to be an acronym, but I couldn't find a satisfying meaning.

Mind the stickers. I'd love to put a devRant sticker there too.

Components:
- Gigabyte AORUS GA-AX370-Gaming 5
- AMD Ryzen 7 1700
- Scythe Mugen 5 "PCGH Edition"
- 16GB HyperX FURY DDR4-2666 DIMM CL15-17-17
- 500 Watt Cooler Master B500 ver.2 Non-Modular 80+
- 275GB Crucial MX300 2.5" (SSD)
- 1000GB Seagate BarraCuda ST1000DM010 (HDD)
- Sharkoon BW9000-W Midi Tower
- Some video card and DVD drive I removed from an old computer

It still needs a good video card and internet connection.

With the dual boot and my MacBook Pro I cover Windows, Linux and MacOS.

Me and my two coworkers are the perfect start of a joke: a mathematician, a physicist and a computer scientist walk into a bar...

All coding brought to a halt because my computer is rejecting any OS I try to put on it

A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things.

So my Minecraft computer project got corrupted, so I started a new one. Now working on the ram, and an actually comfortable way to write code for it.

Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

So I took out my old computer and I’m gonna try to make it run. Wish me luck

I want to connect to the servers,
but computer says: "nooooooooo"

Today a few friends got together and built my gfs new computer. I just watched because.... I'm a hardware n00b :p

Anyways, it took them about 2 hours building all the stuff together and now we're done installing Windows from via disc. The problem is, it's 2015 windows. So we're updating.
And it already takes more time to update windows than building the actual computer.

Nice!

(Btw that's me in the background, super [not] comfy codepen-ing)

School computer logic...

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

My father while I was tinkering in the workshop :
"You see, I think you chose the wrong studies, you would have liked something else like material science a lot more."
At this moment my face took a question mark shape.
"Wait.. What? I mean... You know, I quit mechanical engineering to computer science, I actually made this decision because I thought it was better for me."
Him :
"But you will never have a good job in it. Material science for example is the booming industry, it's the future."
"What the... No, just no. Every year at my university several mechanical engineering students get thrown out because they can't even find an internship. Whereas most CS students find more than one and end up sharing job offers with their friends. And talk about an interesting job, in the mechanical domain everything already exists and it's just a matter of applying the same boring standards over and over again, when it's not just pure technician managing. In CS new technologies and tools appear regularly, keeping it interesting because evolution is hardly limited by real life physics, just by one's brain."

Pissed me off.

Had last paper today... Finally 4 yrs of engineering comes to an end. I am a proud computer engineer....

This happens too frequently... I turn off my computer but then I sit in front of it for hours on my phone. It's 2:30 AM, go to sleep, me.

I often get this question:
"I have this old computer. Can you fix it?"

My brother is a helicopter pilot, and he will probably never get this question:
"I have this old helicopter, that is literally falling apart. Will you fly it for me?"

I have my Computer System Architecture exam in 10 hours.

I'll fail. For sure.

Can anyone tell what version of Python is installed on my computer 😂

My car window got broken this night and they robbed some of my stuff.. Well I lost around 100€ in stuff so it's meaningless, but I have to get my car repaired, and most of all, they stole that old shitty laptop that I use as a seed box and for file syncing. It was my first own computer too, it had about 7 years :/

[Post marked as: Random]
So that's what they mean by the HTTP error code 418: I'm a teapot.

That moment you think your computer has crashed/frozen... Then realise the batteries in your mouse has died.

Story time:
I'm in the 7th semester of an 8 semesters carreer (computer science) and my first class is at 7:00 am and for some reason since the semester started I haven't get in time for that class (the best I've done is 7:40), but the teachers are cool with that and they allow me to give them the activities later that day. The only consequence I've had with being late for school is one time the teacher explained one of the programs we had to make for the next week that consisted in making a VB project that, in a windows form, draw a cube and putting buttons to move the cube (up, down, left, right), change the size (bigger, smaller) and rotate the cube (in x, in y, in z). In order to do this we needed to use different matrices to calculate the position of each corner and convert the 3-dimension coordinates to 2-dimension coordinates... It was a long process but once you get it its pretty easy to understand.
The thing is, none of my classmates understood the process and no one could tell me anything further the fact that we had to use matrices. So I looked for the teacher for that week and fortunately he had a free hour on Friday (the program was supposed to be for Thursday but since no one did it and those who did it weren't what the teacher wanted he told me that if it worked by Monday and if it had no bugs or errors he would accept it) and explained me the same thing he explained at class.
Well, this experience helped me to increase my ego because I finished the program in 5 hours and my classmates couldn't finish it in the whole week. I told them I could have helped them but no one helped me in first place.
In that moment I knew I choose the right career.

Web Development !== Computer Science

Got tired of working for somebody and decided to start my own company. Though it would be quite easier to get funding for a proper computer. For 3 days been visiting banks but no luck.

Hoped that at least my wife would be a support, but she keeps bringing me down by saying thing like "what if your company doesn't start off properly?"

I'm kind of down, I could use some pick me up!

There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

This is really the stuff I have to deal on daily basis.

What the fuck is a sticker computer??

I'm researching DNA computers for school and there's a potential cryptosystem called a sticker model, based on a sticker computer. Searches across various engines show me results for laptop stickers.

Guys, I am an idiot.
I can't believe I have wasted so much time. I can't believe it. Instead of learning and practicing Java, I spent my school break mostly playing TF2 and doing pushups. I am a dissapointment to myself. I am asking myself "what the hell are you thinking you idiotic, blunderous, lazy idiot?" And I am the president of the School's Computer Science club.

To be honest, I am probably not taking this as seriously as I should, because my club has only one person in it, who is one of my friends. Because my club is so new (yes I created it this year, becuase the school didn't have one, and yes I am a freshman) it seems like noone joined. I am thinking of writing an advert for the morning annauncements, so more people would join so the club wouldn't be scrapped next year.

So please, please, please, please, help me. Help me with the advertisement. I know this is really irresponsible, but I don't have much time left 'till the next semester begins.

Me in school: Math? When do I need know those details? I can look them up and just code it.

Me in high school: Computer science is way too math-y. I want to code!

Me coding php: Just make it work.

Me coding typescript: Just make it work.

Me coding scala: Just make it ... what ... how do I make it work!?!

Me asking stackoverflow: How do I do X in scala some functional programming stuff in mind in order to keep immutability.

Somebody way smarter than I: "In scalaz, a function A => A is called an endomorphism and is a Monoid whose associative binary operation is function composition and whose identity is the identity function"

Me now: Fuck my old arrogant self.

Anyone else taking Harvard's CS50 via edX? It's so awesome! You get a better understanding of Computer Science and stuff. I'm loving C! It feels so close to communicating with the machine. Memory allocation fascinates me, too. Is this why it's fast? If you feel like you're lacking with the CS fundamentals although you can build apps or websites already, I recommend this. This is better than my whole years in college!

Honestly, i hate math or actually i hate that i suck at it. I graduated CS and if u put a math problem any bit more advanced than basic linear equations i will turn red. I wish i was good at it. I think if i was, id be able to do much more cool shit because combining math and the ability to control a computer basically makes you a demi god.

If i had some free time i’d love to go over the basics on khan academy or something. But free time doesnt come by a lot coz we’re too busy trying to make money and id rather just rest and chill when it does.

Tho if a cute girl offered to tutor me in that free time i’d definitely say yes 🧐

Is computer science necessary? How many of you, in the programming/development field, have not studied CS?

Life cycle of a Software engineer;P

I’m new to programming. I first learned G-Code and M-Code for CNC machines and being a machinist got boring, so now I’m in School for computer science. But I swear, the amount of motherfuckers that act like they are the programming gods and they know everything there is to know just because they’ve been a programmer for so and so amount of years just grinds my gears. They act like some knowledge is important while other knowledge is useless, and generalize it and push that belief on everyone. But fail to realize that some people, such as myself, just love computers in every facet. I don’t give a damn how many years of programming experience you have and how many people you’ve taught. If you act like a stuck up know it all and walk around like your shit don’t stink, I wouldn’t work with you even if I had the same amount of experience as you.

Toilets in the computer science department.
Hard working students

Creating little test virus P.S DONT USE ON LOCAL MACHINE USE ON VirtualBox Etc.

- Hey , what do you study?
- Computer Science
- So Cool! Can you make me a website for my society?
- 🙄🙄🙄

In `Computer Fundamental` class

friend: What 1 + 1 equal to?
me: two.
friend: ...no, it's equal to ten.
me: oh fuck!

!rant
Neighbouring nursing student asked me to recommend her a good laptop. I take a look at her existing one and it's an ultra book in pretty much decent condition. I ask her what her issue with this one is and turns out there's not enough space on the hard disk (30 GB SSD). I advice her to consider upgrading instead of buying a new laptop and she agrees. She also asks me if I can fix the track par of the laptop as it's not working. I take a look at the system tray and then work my computer science magic (press the fn+F9 to activate the trackpad) and boom! It's a miracle and she's squealing with delight. I even ran a disk cleanup and wiped 3Gigs of space so that she could continue downloading the episode from Netflix.
I hear a lot of you people complain about being asked to do outrageous tech shit because you're a computer person but man, I sure love being the "tech guy". :D

How do I really explain to people that I am a computer engineer and not a technician? Seriously. I'm tired of it.

And what is worse, everytime I try someone ends up with the impression that I am some incompetent egomaniac trying to hide his flaws.

How do you explain to a bunch of teenagers that their Smartphone/Tablet is, in fact, a computer?🤔😐😕

We have 'informatica' (translates to 'computer science') on school. Tuesday we received an assignment to create a 'web-app' with JQuery mobile to show all of the US presidents.

Nearly nobody in my class has experience with PHP, so this is gonna be fun for them. All they have to learn from is a website from 2013, they are tought to just throw variables inside the query's.. Yay for SQL injection! 🎉

It actually contains a lot of out of date information, for example it says that jsp is competition for PHP, and that 'most sites with PHP have a PHP Powered logo'

When you are the go-to computer-guy

whenever i see a job with the requirement of Bsc in computer science or any equivalent

I was amazed by an elderly man on the subway yesterday, he pulled out his tabled and stated reading a book on it. Thinking of that I know way too much younger people who can't even use a computer properly..

My f*cking laptop died. Well, the HDD did. And now I'll be without a computer until I have replaced this f*cking piece of hardware. I kinda wanna die.

Computer engineering : Insanity!!!

Today a friend of mine was assigned to make a Client-Server Encryption using Sockets. The guy did a great job applying BlowFish algorithm, but the teacher was disappointed because she couldnt map letters to the encrypted text and she declared the program to be wrong!!!

Computer Cleanup Time !:D

I'm so smart that it scares me

The reality of c++ programmers...

Our soulmate is Computer!!!

protecting my computer from wannaCry be like .

i honestly hate the ap computer science principles curriculum. we're taking an ap test soon, so for the past few weeks, we've been constantly taking practice tests.

it pisses me off so much. the questions, the criteria, it's all bs.

we have questions like "what will reduce the digital divide?" with choices like "education for low income families on computers." like, I DONT FUCKING KNOW.

frankly, I DONT FUCKING CARE. giving electronics to people who cant afford it is great and all, BUT IT DOESNT INVOLVE ANYTHING ABOUT COMPUTING.

HEY, COLLEGE BOARD, KNOWING IF AN ALGORITHM IS TECHNICALLY AN "ABSTRACTION" DOESNT FUCKING MATTER. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT I CAN IDENTIFY WHATS MORE EFFICIENT, WHERE A BUG IS, CONCEPTS INVOLVED IN PROGRAMS, THINGS LIKE THAT.

NOT IF DNS IS SIMILAR IN STRUCTURE TO THE US POSTAL SYSTEM.

god i hope whoever wrote this gets hit in the head by a github server that was dropped from the 2^8th floor.

Why it is so difficult to find an internship for a Computer Science Student?
I do have good resume, I am full of energy, I can spend a lot of time on solving problems and development. I can learn new things.
But everyone wants a intern who knows everything and can do miracle for them. No one is giving chance to ones who are in learning phase. Just try us and you will see the potential in us.
Been trying to get a good internship from last 3 months. 😔

I have a dream that one day I will build my own computer and install arch linux so that I could say I assembled both hardware and software.

Your no-dev friend while you use terminal in his computer:

Sometimes I see my old high school, or a library in my town. And I think of making a workshop to get the next generation excited about CS.

Then I remember I hate people.

How do you choose the hostnames for your systems ?
Do you use generic names like
"YOURNAMEHERE-computer" or a actual, more personal, name ?

I always name my laptop "ember" and my desktop "cinder".

Being a computer science engineer, my friends expect me to be able to read binary like I read English. Fml.

Sometimes I hate it to be a "computer-guy". There is this one beautiful girl, I see her everyday in the train, but I just can't talk to her. I hate myself for not just saying " Hi" or whatever. I'd love to "just say something", but it doesn't work! Why the fuck am I thinking this much?!

Any tips? From dev to dev? Please?!

Source : Facebook

Th thoughts of one student.

My sister's laptop ate shit the other day and she ordered a new one. She got me thinking about my five year old rig, and how it was starting to show its age, so started half-heartedly pricing the stats I would want in a new machine on newegg and Amazon for fully assembled machines, and was always getting gouged or having to make some kind of sacrifice for another feature.

So after my wife responded to me trying to sound offhanded about buying a new computer by only rolling her eyes, but not actually raising any actual objection, I committed to the idea and started searching in earnest.

I realized that a fully assembled machine would always cost more, be underpowered for its price, be basically impossible to upgrade, be made of shitty parts, and always require some kind of compromise on my part.

Normally in the past, i would go to the barebones section on Pricewatch, order the basic stats I wanted, and fill it in myself after that. But it appears that Pricewatch might be dead. So, for the first time since probably 2002 or so, I'm building a computer in its entirety.

I'm really excited. Everything should be here by the middle of next week.

People who code should know how to build a computer for themselves

She turned my software into hardware but left it as malware

Glad I wasn’t a computer Science major back in college 😝

Ok guys. I have a very important question to ask you.
I need your help. How do you explain to your girlfriend/boyfriend that you are a developer so you need to spend a lot of time on your computer? My new girlfriend does not want to understand.
Thanks guys.

Cat-warming solution when the power goes out

Problem: Your power goes out in the middle of winter. Your cat is cold and will not leave you alone. You are her only source of heat.

Step 1: Find battery-powered laptop.
Step 2: Power on laptop and turn off sleep/hibernation in the settings.
Step 3: Open up 5 instances of Minecraft and load a single-player world in each.
Step 4: Close laptop and flip it upside down
Step 5: Place cat on computer above the fan. Cat will begin to purr.

(Yes this works)

It just took me 3 tries to install a CD drive right side up in a computer...

I think I need more sleep.

I ordered new computer by separate parts so I will have what I want. Choose to not be delivered by mail but pick it up by myself, so it will be faster. Boy I was wrong.

First of all one part was not available so I have to wait one week longer. Then after a week they say I can pick it up. But I was on vacation.

Finally I was back so I went pick it up. Came there and they said they can't find one part. It supposed to be there but they can't find it right now.

So now I am still waiting.

So my friend who is currently attending University to major in Computer Science just started programming Java a few days ago. His first assignment was to learn bubble sort and make it organize a table of certain values provided in the assignment with a few other items on the side. Apparently, he was stressing over the assignment and waited till the last night to do this, and was running on 2 hours of sleep. Anyways, a few days pass and he received a 0% on the assignment with the comment "See me on Monday." and questioned what he did wrong (They use GitHub to submit their assignments, even though other classes at the University just commit to the University Server for Computer Science), and asked me to review the code. When I started looking at the code, all he managed to do was just make two tables, one that would print the unsorted table, and then print the "sorted" table. Plus, the catch that got him in trouble, he named his package "fuckthisshit", how does one not realize that when they're submitting their assignments... like seriously? Like I can understand the 2 hours of sleep, but with 1000s of examples out there, how do you manage to fake bubble sort plus end up naming a package "fuckthisshit" and question why he got a 0%. I do feel bad for him in the long run since there aren't many assignments in this class so this was worth 25%.

The computer lags, windows 8 lags, vagrant lags, chrome lags, phpstorm lags, EVERY-FUCKING-THINGS LAGS.

How on earth are there people in their second year of a computer science course who are unable to understand how to read build errors. It's honestly not that hard, just look at the fucking build log and see where the error is and what type of error it is, but yet they don't bother reading the log and say that their "compiler is broken" when their 5 line code won't work.

If this was still first year I'd understand since many of the class didn't have much programming knowledge, but if you're in your second year and you struggle with this (that too for a Hello World script) it looks like you aren't even bothered and just expect the computer to magically understand what you mean.

So my Dell laptop has been freezing for a couple of weeks.

I thought it was the Slack desktop app that was causing it, so I uninstalled it. Still froze.

So I did a whole bunch of things on it to try to fix it, even restarting Windows 10. Still froze.

Then I thought it was the Dropbox app that was causing it, so I disabled it from starting up when I turn on the laptop. For a while, the laptop didn't freeze.

Then my desktop computer started freezing too from time to time. I was like, "WTF!"

It could be the Windows Update that's causing it, because there was an update going on around the time the freeze-ups happened. Now my laptop is on the "Getting Windows ready, Don't turn off your computer" screen after hard-booting it.

My friend asked me how to root his phone because I'm the computer guy, of course.

I didn't want to be a douche to him so I googled and directed him to a few pages that may help. He kept asking questions regarding rooting until it worked for him and it was all fine by me.

His last question though was how much it cost to replace the broken screen on his tablet!!

Annoying Indian professors are everywhere. It's a computer vision class are you really teaching us Regression?

What about transfer learning? object detection! Give us papers to read, let's do projects.. what the hell is this I am going take attendance bullshit and teaching crappy concepts.

I did not sign up for this shit! I came here for my Masters to get away from pompous mother fuckers like you ...

My class is also filled with those idiots,who think bias in a neural network is somehow related to class imbalance ? Now the same idiot proceeds to ask questions like...

Why would the weights change in a neural network?
Motherfucker why you in this class ? Why don't you stick to your shit and ask these questions later..

I am so pissed off right now guys ...
I was sitting in my lab understanding the deeper insights of BN, activation fucntions.. various optimizers ..etc Stuff that this idiot motherfucking teacher must be covering... UGGH.

I shouldn't cuss so much.. or at least add variety to my cuss words..

I am pissed off cuz instead of learning the shit I should be learning I am forced to come and attend this class and waste 2 hrs of my life ...

It's the summer i find it hard to focus anyway (want to go out hiking or swimming or something.) BUT. the moment I find some resolve to focus

I get this fucking bullshit.. !

My mind is so fucked right now... I can't think of anything but standing up in class and screaming " Mother fucker, mother fucker...(point to the idiots in class you) motherfuckers shut the fuck up..

Can someone suggest some colorful swear words ?

My brains not working -_-

It is just about now that I start feeling like "Anger" from inside out

Nice

Computer shutdown

Business idea:
- Buy some big old computer.
- Sell them as quantum computer.
- Get cash and run away.

Currently this idea may work. 🤔

That moment when you just quit your successful paying job just to have more time to study and try to pass the fucking piece of trash math exam.

Fuck my asshole, fuck my life and fuck that motherfucking college degree. If I don't pass, I will eventually kill my self or quit college.

Jeez, I wonder what was in my head when I enrolled in college, oh wait.. Parents, society brainwashed me to think I need top tier education to be a successful computer programmer engineer.

Fuck you society, fuck my brain, fuck everything.

Today our computer science coordinator went to me when we had another lesson on the computers. After a few moments she came to ne and said: “Can you come with me?”

I left the classroom with her and she said: “I’m happy to see you”
I didn’t expect that because she’s jealous and doesn’t like me. But of course she had again found something to invent.

Then it started:
C: “Did you try to install something”
Me: “No. Why?”
C: “What did you try to install, because my antivirus is telling me that it contains a virus.”
Me: “Nothing”
C: “It was on (my personal site)”
Me: “Yes, I visited my own site to see how it looked in Edge. As I don’t use any Windows device.”
C: “That’s the virus”
Me: “It’s a simple HTML file with CSS. No JS or so.”
C: “MY computers aren’t here for experimenting. I can see more than you think.”

I got back to class and told it to a friend.
She really is an idiot. Because her pictures are on a 50 mb “server” from our ISP that everyone can access. But she can see anything. Curious why she didn’t see that that friend also visited my site...

Fuck her. I’m asking myself if she even knows what HTML is as she will teach us how to program with scratch, where you simply place blocks.

PS: the antivirus didn’t show anything. I downloaded the same one and shows me nothing. She’s just inventing.

Don't you love it when your computer mouse tells you with a creepy dark voice "Congratulations, you've won a trophy" really fucking loud?

I just had a nightmare I spilled my gin inside my computer. Might be putting that back under my desk... And not leaving drinks on my case with an open top...

Dad's coworker (he was a software engineer, I guess it runs in the family) was selling his pentium 2 computer for 100$ and my dad bought it for me to play chicken invaders. Those were simpler times...

Of course... that is totally what a computer camp is supposed to look like

I have pretty old computer but I love it.

What are the things in computer science do I need to learn?

So yeah, I'm still in high school and will be entering IT in a few years, but I am willing to learn now. I already have a good grasp of programming and can create good desktop apps and basic web apps, so teaching basic concepts such as variables, loops, functions is done for me.. But what computer science concepts should I learn next?

Seeing how smartphones are advancing every year, I would say in about 10-20 years, we will see lots of people using smartphones as their personal computer

What do you think?

Don't feed the pigeons.
A cautionary tale.
When you feed the pigeons they keep coming back. They don't stop pestering you for help, and they don't ever listen to you.
I gave my father-in-law my old laptop, and installed the latest version of Office 2016 because I'm a nice guy.
Now, every week at family dinner there's something he needs me to help him with.
Mind you, his previous computer had Windows XP and the one I gave him had Windows 7. So it was quite the texh upgrade for him.
Except one of his octagenarian siblings wrote a family recipe book, and wrote it in Word Processor. (because Old People!) Well fuck of course it has pictures, clip art, special formatting, vertical and horizontal lines. It worked fine on XP because Word Processor was supported by XP.
The following is me explaining to him over the phone why his recipe book wouldn't load into Word. I was in his house picking up 2000 rounds of ammo for my and my wife's pistols (target practice) while he was out and about.
FIL: "It's the link on the desktop. It comes up in Word on the old computer but when I tried to put it on the new computer it wouldn't work. I used a thumb drive."
Me: "Okay well I tried to..."
FIL: "I don't know why it would work in Word on one computer and not the next."
Me: "Okay, well I clicked on the link to the file on your old desktop and it opened in Word Processor, not Word."
FIL: "No it opens in Word on the old computer, but it won't open on the new one."
Me: "It opens in Word Processor on the old computer, it won't open in Word on..."
FIL: "Which computer are you sitting at? The old one is on the left." (as if I wouldn't recognize the computer I had for three years and just gave him a month ago!)
Me: "The old one."
FIL: "Okay so it should open in Word on the old computer."
Me: "It won't. It will open in..."
FIL: "I was thinking maybe it had something to do with a screen that popped up when I logged in to the new computer. Something about antivirus software?"
Me: "It will open in Word Processor on your old computer, but it isn't formatted..."
FIL: "Yeah, it's a '.-w-p-s' file so it should work in Word."
Me: "Word Processor is a different program from Word. This opens in Word Processor."
(long silence)
FIL: "So which one do I have?"
Me: "You have Word Processor on the old computer."
FIL: "So how do I get Word Processor on the new computer?"
Me: "You don't. It is defunct software, it was discontinued ten years ago. You can try to get a converter online, but there's no guarantee it'll work."
FIL: "Alright, I'll be home in a few minutes. I'll take a look then."
This was at 10pm last night, and I'd been out all day since 7:30am. He still didn't believe me that the book was written in Word Processor until I showed him the different startup screen for Word Processor, where it says "Word Processor" plain as day.
I fed the pigeon. And it looks like there's more of this to come.

Finally the 3 month holiday is over.first year computer science starts monday.

As my first year learning computer science, which OS do you recommend me?

What it is like when computer people talk to humans: (credit Gary Larson, Far Side)

My computer just died today T_T

"There is no cloud, it's just someone else's computer"

I don't understand this statement. Could someone please explain.

I forgot my computer on the wrong side of my hour commute.
*heavy sigh*

You know you're a true server admin when you have two keyboards and you use the better one with the server instead of your desktop computer.

When you change some bios settings and your computer is acting like it's bricked but unplugging the cmos and battery for an hour fix it 👌

Just got asked to fix a friend of my mom’s (whom I have met all of once) brother’s computer. 😒

It’s a stereotype and it’s so frigging true.

My computer is dying. It's been a slow, painful process where the screen starts flickering badly when the battery is low. Now it flickers constantly if the power cord isn't plugged in. Today the screen flickers even if the power cord is plugged in. (Tried changing the battery, etcetera) You served me well. I'm going to frame the screen and put it as a painting on the wall. Rest in peace friend.

i hate people who join the company with a engineering in computer science degree and then can't even setup freaking java on their system.
like that is one of the basic languages taught to programmers, how do you graduate CS yet not know how to setup java!!!!!
this idiot today tired setting up eclipse without java and got errors and comes to me saying your files are corrupt.... i ask what happens and he shows me a error message box saying cannot find java paths... and then says i keep getting this error!!!
like freaking read the damn error and fix it. you're an engineering graduate for gods sake!!!!

School just started. New computer teacher seems like a bitch, hopefully her skills justify her attitude.

!rant
Today my cousin is getting his first computer. I am just confused, either I should make him use linux or windows on it. Suggestions are appreciated.

when a Hip Hopper turns Coder

Hello there devranters, long time no see
I have a question for all the computer scientists and students out there. Do you have book recommendations especially for the maths part? I'm in the process of buying some books, they're very expensive but if I'm going to buy they might as well be useful books.

When I tell my friends I am software engineer and they ask me to fix there computer... I'll do it but that not my job...

I was just told by the patent review board of the automotive corporate I work for, that virtual camera dynamics are not patentable.
Well, when the only thing you understand is the mechanics of window-wipers and you've never heard of the computer games industry....

Sometimes I like to see how the other side live and just watch people in a computer store.

There are the nervous tip-toers who don't want to attract attention. The point and lookers, who read the sign and nod and show they understood.

There are the ones who just wander aimlessly trying to look like they know what they want.

Finally there are the 'expert helpers' who know enough 'techie' words to convince anyone around that they know what they're talking about.

It's like a people zoo.

"Holy shit, my computer is laggy, what's taking this much ressources?"
> top
"Holy shit why the fuck is Java even running? Let's kill this son of a bitch"
> kill -9 <process>
> Rubymine closes

I'm a fucking idiot.