As soon I moved to Open Source Development, I have almost no rants :)

No pay no work. New motto!!

Bossman freaks out over every little thing (ironically unless it's important).

Bossman also just set our papertrail 500 filter to forward him a copy of every "critical alert."

Fuck me.

He has zero technical knowledge and zero reading comprehension. He literally forwarded one and said "This has one lots of info in it. explain it to me." (It was a log usage notification. in plain English. It had maybe three numbers in it.)

There's lots of useless "500"s in the list we don't care about. API Guy used the finer as a debugging alert system, and peppered his logs with "500 internal hey look at this." In fact, none of the 500s were even interesting; all but one was spam.

All day I've been tending to freakouts and accusations of me not doing anything. Ugh.

I’ve been seeing a lot of developers claiming “JavaScript sucks” because they do stuff like:

10 + window * [“JS sucks lol”] / {a: []}

What do you expect?

Aardwolf is very fun and i suggest y'all play it a bit if you're looking for better ways to slack off at work

$ telnet aardwolf.org 4000
*port 23 also works

YOU NEVER USED SOURCE CONTROL?
TELL ME AGAIN YOU’RE A PROGRAMMER

I was sleeping next to my wife and suddenly I raised my hand and shouted "gaaaa", when she asked what is wrong, I replied
"Kubernetes is misbehaving"
without waking up

Be error free

alias please=sudo

That's savage..😂😂😂

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

Sunproofing done right!

Most moronic implementation... But atleast it uses some type of sort...

Could not resist sharing.
Src: http://commitstrip.com/en/2013/...

Designer: in an effort to create our brand identity we've come up with a design pattern to use across Android, iOS, and web.

Me: this design goes against material design principles which we agreed we'd use. Also it looks like a mashup of iOS and Windows 10

Designer: just because it looks like an iOS/Windows 10 mashup doesn't mean it was designed for those platforms; it was designed as our brand for all platforms. We feel very strongly about keeping it, specifically the pieces that make you feel uncomfortable as an Android developer

Me: 🙄😑😣😒

!rant

GIT Cheat Sheet

When I was a bord 12 year old I stumbled across a site called Codecademy and being the bored kid I was I decided to sign up and try a tutorial. I opened up the HTML tutorial and typed <p>Hello World</p> and I was just amazed that I could tell a computer how to do that. From that point on I was hooked

My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

Trust me guys, waiting for the stress ball to arrive is worse than waiting for the stickers.

Friend: Check out that hot chick over there
Me: git checkout -b hot-chick

#foreveralone

When Google Keyboard automatically corrects get to git

😕

I post riddles and puzzles outside my office door to keep people distracted before bothering me. they must answer all right before disturbing me.

✅ Update Failed!

This is way too true.

With onions, tomatoes....

Where is your God now?

The company's director and I:

Him: I think we need to build a hybrid mobile app, because the JavaScript code that renders images is the same on our front- and backends.

Me: Well, we could just send the parameters to the server, let it render it and get a response back.

Him: How?

Me: With an API.

Him: Oh!