uuuuugh, bllllaaa, grrrrr....<ding>...and,focus.

Time to stop getting drunk like a dumb shit.

Lost my phone last night :(

F*cking w10 updates.... I'm at a trade show grrrrr

I told my friends how i liked the IT movie and pronounced it as I.T. and they laugh at me because it is an "it". So why why why it was both capitalized then. Grrrrr

I hate being invited to a party!
Specifically when I have no chance to refuse (family parties mostly)
Though I'm still able to code or read a book with my phone but WHY SHOULD I??

Grrrrr !!
Idk ... what do you do in such complicated situations?

think I had my first burnout

so exciting

I couldn't sleep last night and obsessively worked all day. couldn't pay attention during dinner / relaxing before sleep with people. everyone went to bed, I didn't. ended up getting up and working then trying to sleep, repeat, like 6 times. morning came, neighbours running saws and shit, eventually slept 2 hours then 1.5 hours, if even. then worked more. good morning. fuckit. then got really pissed at everything for like 4 hours and wanted to be left alone any time a person got close to me, BUT KEPT WORKING, stressing. until I realized holy shit I'm fucking miserable

now I think I'm crashing

IM SO EXCITED. I've never been so obsessed about my own incompetence at something before. I've never had this. this leads me to believe all burnout is due to people trying to fight their incompetence maybe?
people always tell me I work too much and all that but I never understood cuz I like it. maybe this is what they meant though. in which case I'm mad at all of them for incorrectly identifying my emotional state in the past grrrrr. cuz they'd use that as an excuse to rope me into doing things I didn't even find enjoyable because supposedly it was "good for me" but I thought it was fucking lame. fucking hell

Every time I have to use CloudWatch, I feel like I'd be more productive if I shoved glass shards in my eyes.

Every query/filter either returns nothing or errors out because too much is returned.

I have been trying to get fiber installed at my location for over a month now. It is really frustrating. They have been out 4 times and every time there is another reason they cannot get it installed. I finally got all my ducks in a row to make it happen and I have to wait until the 20th for the install. Great, my country is literally going full retard and now I wonder if war will stop the install now. Grrrrr......

This brings me to tethering. I have been tethering my internet right now. I have 20GB of bandwidth of 4G speeds. When that runs out I get shitty ass 300KBPS. Yes, bytes per second. You can do almost nothing at that speed. That is using the built in tethering program that comes with Android. This is where I get to the grey area of tethering.

I decided to try the ClockWordMod Tether app to do USB tethering. Apparently that is full speed 4G. So I can work and do whatever with that. I feel like I am gaming the system. Part of me doesn't care, part of me says I shouldn't.

What are your thoughts on tethering using alternate methods. Am I going to the Nether?

tried to pick some smart dude's brain about my problem cuz I'm just screaming internally being unable to think about it myself and have no ability to write it out in pseudocode without confusing myself or on paper so I need someone to bounce around with this

proceed to have to teach him basics of how computers work...

... realize he's slow at it and that I know a lot

I will take this self-compliment. I might be on a journey of self-compliments now, since he actually wanted to learn to code for a while. not a bad potential reality tunnel actually. I guess this is ok

guess I'll just keep screaming internally about my problem until I birth the requisite neurons automagically. no pain no gain 😭
literally no clue how to think or plan stuff out without having to put the whole thing in my head. always been a problem for me. grrrrr

F*cking w10 updates.... I'm at à trade show grrrrr