I'm disappointed with my boss.

I've always felt that the company I work for was different, I'm a web dev in a foreign country, finding a job as a fresh graduate wasn't easy at all.

before joining this company, all the employers I've met expected so many skills from foreigners like me, while they sat the bar so low for local fresh grad candidates.

Except my current boss, after the second interview he said that he believes in my potential and he wants to take this risk, the risk of hiring a foreign fresh graduate.

After I joined I worked my ass off and after 9 months I became a team lead.

And my boss said to me that the risk he took was completely worth it and I exceeded expectations.

Now I'm involved in assessing candidates applying for web development role at this company, we have 3 candidates 2 local and 1 foreigner.

Ironically the foreigner proved great potential and understanding of web technologies that exceeds a fresh entry role.

The other 2 local were alright, need training but they pass the criteria for an entry level role.

I reviewed this objectively and urged the same man that hired me to consider hiring the foriegner.

He said no, because of Visa costs and because of the lengthy legal process employers need to go through to hire a foreigner, and asked me to move forward with the 2 locals and not lose them to another company.

I felt that, if i were in the foriegner candidate's shoes I would've felt that there's something wrong with me for that no one wants to hire me for my skills and what I've worked hard to achieve was all not enough, it would make me feel like an outcast.

I know that I should do what I'm told, after all he's the employer, but still.. this feeling is bothering me, in a way I feel like I've cheated or I was just lucky and I didn't really earn this job.

I've become a night worker. To put it mildly, it's become mildly annoying. I start studying/writing code at night and before I know it, it's morning. I can't seem to stop. I then end up feeling weak and sleepy during the day when I need to be awake. If I'm lucky, I get a few hours of sleep during the day. And then at night, it happens all over again. I need to fix this.

I'm so lucky.

I have been working off of my usb recently, and been programming something. I had maybe 20 changes I needed to make (some werent big, they were just ui changes, but some needed a new column to be added to a database).

After I had done most of it, and had maybe 4/5 left I started getting this really bad feeling I was going to lose my USB.

I decided to ignore the feeling and just work on it in my next 2 breaks, and when I finally finished it, I uploaded the code to github.

That was yesterday at about 1:20.

This morning I check my bag and my USB is not there.

Holy shit was I lucky, if I hadn't finished my project I would have lost that progress and need to redo it all by tomorrow.

Tldr: I had a feeling I would lose a USB I was working off, but didnt upload my code until I was finished. Haven't seen the USB since uploading the code.

Warning: This is gonna come across as a little cringe/self-pitying, but whatever

Jesus Christ I'm so fucking lonely it literally hurts. I know I should be grateful I have a hobby in coding, also recently I got my first job as a developer (even if I'm overworked and paid shit all with poor job security), but I swear what will eventually kill me will be my own hand cos this empty feeling is unbearable at times.

Also, I'll try to ask this in the most politically correct way possible: how do you single guys in your 20s/30s cope with the lack of females in the industry? I absolutely do not mean this in a "making-unwarranted-advances" sort of way; I just mean that we're biologically wired to desire some form of interaction with the opposite sex (unless you're queer), and this happens naturally in most professions but obviously not engineering/software dev. It's especially difficult when you don't have a big social circle so your job basically becomes your life.

So... For those of you who can relate, what do you do? Do you make an effort to socialize outside work? Or maybe you're lucky enough to work somewhere with a diverse mix of people? Should I blame Zuckerberg for damaging my adolescent brain and turning me into a needy piece of crap?

What's the button you maybe see every day, but never press?

Google's "I'm feeling lucky" instead of search 🙈 When did you honestly press that button last time?

Google play music "I'm feeling lucky" radio has played 3 black keys songs in a row since I started this.. Coincidence?

!story

I finally joined uni. With all of its fucking bureaucracy. But I love the feel I get being there with people I know wants same stuff as mine. I picked Math.
It's equally ambitious and crazy as 1) My previous school didn't prepare me at all, (not even limits for fuck's sake) 2) it has given me an antidepressant boost, but I'm also a person that yes goes on anyway but at the first difficulty I second guess my own ability in first place to overcome what's ahead (so, depressive rebound). 3) I have dyscalculia and adhd. Lucky me, not the kind of dyscalculia that makes you unable to grasp logic, it's more like I can't do calculations in my head and 8x7 is HARDER to me than explain graph theory or some stuff about riemannian geometry.
What did you all feel when you went to university? Because I'm feeling a lot ignorant, but worse, stupid, very stupid.
Any advice?

Build me a website and make a link on Google's "I'm Feeling lucky" to point to my site.

Or else....

"I'm feeling lucky" :)