Who else makes it a habit of (in most cases) upvoting the main post when they respond to it?

Unless it's just a terrible post but you had to say something.

But anything neutral and above I respond to, i++

Hi! 😀 Great to meet you!!! I hope you are having a fabulous day 🐝. My name is John Doe 👔 at the TechyHelp 🤲 company. I know I might not look like much 🤪, but I will do my very best to make sure 🫵 YOU get my best service 👨‍🔧 to your hearts content 😌. I am sorry that this problem has been causing you pain 😥 it must be so awful dealing with this 😖 I can’t even imagine 🫣. I feel for you deeply 😮‍💨. It is my duty 🫡 and I will make sure to give you exactly what you are asking for and more. I am aching 😩 to satisfy you so you don’t feel anymore pain. I want to give you 🫴 so much pleasure today 🤤 to make sure you never have to think 🤔 about this problem ever again 🥰.

Upon applying some of my sleuthing 🕵️‍♂️ skills to use, I found that to restart your computer, press and hold Alt + F4

Let me know if this solves your problem!

I really hope I entertained you today 🥺. It is my pleasure ✨ to give you the most satisfaction possible, and I love that u came to me first 🤓. I know sometimes these problems can get built up 🥴 and really explode 🎊 💦 when you least expect it. So I hope I relieved some of that pressure today ☺️.

If you enjoyed my performance today, we would love to hear your feedback! 📝 Please sign up at the form below so that we can call you 📱 and hear about your experience 🌝. You can also take the 69 question survey on how well I serviced you today 😏.

Have a blessed day!
Stay safe!
Hope your life is amazing!
Happy pride month!
Peace, love, unity, respect!
Hugs and kisses!
Thanks a million!

- John

Dev: We have a data quality problem. Combined with data silos, we can't trust the numbers. We need to agree on metric definitions as a company.

CTO: (Points a PM)Help him on the metrics he has defined. We'll discard any other alternate definitions inside the company.

PM: You can start with these. (Throws a bunch of metrics without their definitions. Doesn't respond to questions regarding definitions.)

After a week of generating aggregates,

PM: The numbers seem wrong.

Fuck I know the numbers will be wrong. Because you didn't give me the definitions and I'll have to deduce them myself.

Seriously guys, how do you deal with PMs who don't cooperate in the requirement analysis?

Chasing information for software crash from a user:

Dev: Are you getting warnings when you open the model?
User: Not when I open the model.
Dev: Huh what's weird, normally there's a warning that looks like this when you open it that looks like this *screenshot*
User: Oh, yes I got that warning

Post your cringe in the comments

Welp, fuck that shit.

The boss just called me to tell me d good news that they won't need me anymore...

I made them 1 project for about a year ( + fixing/updating few other projects )

... and that apparently is all they need for now and r gonna back to IT crowd ( read this as 2 ppl IT department )

was fun =]

Or writing documentations...

I found a budget salary for dev with 4-5 YOE in 2011 in my company, digging through internal old docs.
Assuming 2% increase per year, the 2023 budget salary is now EUR 15k more than what average dev get in my company.

I remember that someone mentioned similar thing in other socmed where he found through internal docs, salary for his position 10 years ago and now are the same, totally neglecting inflation.
On the other hand house/property values has doubled within 10 years.

How can we pressure companies to give us appropriate salary?
When I ask for increase, they will just say no because it's the market rate, but the market rate sucks.

"5 Ways I’m Using AI to Make Money in 2023" ok let's see... ah a members-only Medium post...

yep thats definitely one of the ways -_-

fuckin kill me i hate this

Saw one of my colleague tryna sign in into Microsoft, where it was asking for 7 digit passcode but the system was sending him 6 digit passcode. LMAO. just windows things.

Fucking IEEE pdf eXpress breaks this fucking paper.

The paper has been accepted, and we just need to upload a fucking camera-ready. But what was supposed to be a breeze, is now a nightmare with us spending the entirety of last night and evening trying to figure out why the fuck the latex gutter is keep throwing the same fucking error despite that we've used their own fuckin template, and don't have anything but text and images.

Fuck IEEE for making shit harder. Fuck their stupid submission system. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I don't want to go back to work today. I literally had a 15 hours day yesterday. 😭😭😭😭

Not quite a rant, but it'll devolve in heated debate anyway 😂.

So I was discussing deployment methods with a client's CTO today.

He was fervent on using git for deployment (as in, checkout/pull directly on target host).

I was leaning more on, build npm and web bullshit on the runner, rsync to target host.

Ideally, build shit in the runner, publish to an artifact/package manager, pull that in the target host.

Of course, there are many variables and pros/cons on each side, but would like to hear your opinion.

DELETE IT ALL AND START OVER

I love when job postings are like, you will use THIS tool, and THIS is how it will be accomplished!!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

bitch, i'm the senior engineer, I should be the one picking and choosing tools to match your needs, not you and HR pals!

no wonder your job offer still isnt' filled!

i'd love to ask these organizations why they chose such boomer technologies in the first place and why there is no effort to change to much more developer / user friendly tools.... just a red flag from the start

We've got a case statement spanning 3.5k lines.

Why is it that mediocre people are so loud mouthed.
some stupid wannabe fuck buys a sports car ranging around 100k, he will 3 stories of a week of that car.
Meanwhile the guy who has his own yatch and 12 properties doesn't say a word about it and appears lowkey
i find this fascinating af

Boss: “We’re going to have you attend a meeting with the Senior Vice President. You may be asked to present information. Just know that he doesn’t suffer fools gladly.”

Me: “Ok.”

Me over a decade later remembering this conversation: “Heyyy, wait just a damn minute!!!”

"you write the most interesting bugs"

There is no reason for any developer to not know git well. No fucking reason. Stop making shit harder for everyone by being like “oh I’m not the keenest on git” STFU and just learn it better you pussy.

In a call with the big boss of the huge company I'm working for:

HER: Yeah, this MUST be in the next release or we better not even release

She's talking about a fucking carousel to let the user know its stuff has been merged, I get the point! It's important, but do you fucking realize that the user is currently NOT EVEN LOGGING IN?

HOW TF IS YOUR PROBLEM WHAT THEY SEE ONCE INSIDE THE PLATFORM IF THEY CAN'T EVEN LOG THE FUCK IN?

FUCKING BUSINESS BITCH JUST SAYING WHAT HAS TO BE DONE AND THEN PRENTEDING SHIT TO ACTUALLY WORK PROPERLY

Iphone autocorrect is truly revolutionary. I truly need these super common words to constantly be changed to complete nonsense.

"in" to "inn"
"an" to "available"
"do" to "doo" or "dou"
"and" to "abs", "ABCs"
Many, many others.

It took over 20 corrections to complete this simple thought.

Soft locks several times a week so I have to hard restart it in the middle of doing things.

$3500 for a VR headset? Where do I sign up?

Hello bronchitis, my old friend
I've come to cough with you again

Usually I do love my colleagues, but lately....

FOR FUCKS SAKE I AM NOT YOUR WALKING HUMAN GOOGLE SEARCH ENGINE SHITOVERFLOW CHATGEPETTO INSTANCE! READ YOUR FUCKING LOGS, DO A FUCKING INFORMATION LOOKUP, READ THE FUCKING MANUAL.

OH YOU HAVE A QUESTION YOU SAY? PLEASE FOR FUCK SAKE ELABORATE WITH SOMETHING MORE THEN 'Please help me with the pipeline"' WHILE YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM IS A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING OF GIT, LINUX OPERATING SYSTEMS AND AUTOMATION.

OH YOUR BRANCH IS, WHAT, 3 MONTHS BEHIND MASTER? NEVER HEARD OF A FUCKING REBASE? WHATS THAT YOU SAY??? YOU DONT KNOW WHEN TO SKIP A COMMIT??? ITS YOUR FUCKING CODEBASE! READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !!!

WHATS THAT? YOU WORK IN VSCODE AND YOU DO T K OW HOW? AGAIN READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !

Self.end(rant)

Man fuck the heat, fuck the chaos and prolonged temporariness of the weeks after uni ends, fuck my executive dysfunction, fuck the job hunt process and fuck my crumbling body that I never bothered to fix because the train ticket was a serious financial commitment and because, again, executive dysfunction.

Fucking hate my situation right now. And the fact that it's not actually bad as far as human situations go doesn't help one bit.

So, rant!

So, global-huge-paradigm-shift project moving forward. Lots and lots of architects of multiple sites world-wide, stakeholders and business peeps and sub-corp manager and head-of-fucking-everything-of-multi-billion-dollar-CEO involved with different amounts of energy and passion.

Huge amount of money involved. Not only for the multi-year project endeavour but also in licensing costs for the years and years to come.

It's a big deal for the corporation.

And it's clowns everywhere. Leadership, project leads, technical project leads, architects. Am I one of them? I don't think so because everyone is mad at me. Since I cause trouble. Since I tend to say that I don't give a FUCK about the product being a Gartner Visionary player if you can't test the fucker properly...

Last week I attended a workshop in USA (I live in Europe) regarding this change which left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I am so far away from my comfort zone.

To these people (me?) get payed for this work? Is this really relevant? Why the FUCK did I need to go to a different continent? "The "Core team" need to be on site". Yeah, right. Fuck you Mr Project Leader, I can tell you are far, far away of being on-top of this thing...

Pointless.

It's pointless.

But I guess this is why you get payed.

Work.

Tomorrow is Tuesday and I think I will raise my hand yet again and explain to all I meet that I see HUGE risks with this project as it goes along right now. We kind of make things and that has to, you know, work. NOT making things for 1 hour is... well, that is really, really bad.

I give this project ten percent chance of succeeding above the set thresholds for all different areas/functionality. (I am sure the fuckers will alter the thresholds to show off a "successful project". Fuckers.

We had a sprint where we removed some fields from the signup page, in order not to "scare users off" with the amount of information requested. Quite a few changes in frontend and backend alike.

Only now in the final day of the sprint (where we're supposed to deploy the changes) do we realize some of that information is actually required by the payment processor, and likely for very predictable *legal* reasons which I even questioned during planning.

I've capitulated and started applying for jobs again...

you'll probably being see me around here a lot more...

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Today I was 25 years old, asking for a raise or a opportunity to reach the next level of my career.

My department manager simply said:
"I'm sorry, but in terms of salary you have already reached the end of your career."

Bye then :)

You have been awarded the title of Master of Spaghetti as a reward for your efforts.

We have gotten an email saying we need to use our Teams channel to place our food orders less. A random colleague then goes to the local supermarket and buys the food orders. This group chat has around 15 people that often need something from there. If you don't need it, you ignore the channel.

So we need to use it less. So we follow the orders and now we privately message everyone for their orders. Talk about a real "time gain" :D