Literally all they see is design.

Users can't make or receive payments across the entire app? Ah, who cares! Much more important is the color and fading animation on that button!!!!

Absolute clowns, I swear.

🤡

These clowns make my blood boil.

fullStackClown: Hey I need some info on that specific color you want for this design

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this <<sends screenshot>>

fullStackClown: That is not a color, it is a screenshot

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: Do you know what hex code that is for that color? Can you ask the design team what color from our corporate identity they used?

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: Not helping... okay fine I used the eyedropper and I see the hex code is not used anywhere else in our app, so what color should I use?

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: ...

Managers: wE wAnT tO bE LeAn aNd MoVe FaSt As PoSsIBLe wiTh NeW FeAtUrEs

Same Managers: Can you make this icon 2 pixels smaller?! Shift this element left?! Swap out this icon?! Use a different color here?! A perfect feature and design is critical!!!!!!

FullStackClown: You can either be lean and fast, or be fucking nitpicking clowns 🤡 about this stuff and slow us all down. Choose one.

Managers: ...

FullStackClown: Sit down and shut up

THOSE FUCKING DUMBASSES BOUGHT _THEMSELVES_ A SERVICE THAT COSTS 599 A MONTH, BUT US DEVS AREN'T ALLOWED TO USE ONE THAT COSTS 30 A MONTH?!?!?!

FUCK.

YOU!!!!!!!!

saving money my ass!!!!

the absolute insolence of these fools...

just rudely stated this in a message to the managers, let's see what weak excuse the clowns return...

Managers: fullStackClown!!!! The image uploader on the dashboard at <insert 3rd party service here> isn't working!!!!!

fullStackClown: Yeah? What do you want me to do about it?

Managers: Well, fix it!

fullStackClown: ... * sigh * Well, in case you didn't realize, I don't work at <insert 3rd party service here>, so... unless you want me to go work for them instead of you absolute clowns (which I dream about daily), I cannot help you further in this matter.

Managers: ...

fullStackClown: ...

Kill me. 🤡

It hasn't even been two weeks since quitting the clowns and I've:

- recorded and edited a new React TypeScript course
- released a new SaaS product (in alpha)
- cleaned up and optimized the home page of an existing SaaS app
- started a mobile app version of said SaaS app
- started working with an agency to drive more traffic to same said SaaS app including guest posts and content creation.

I guess I always had it in me but needed to be broken by the rate race system one final time before venturing out on my own.

Refreshing.

If I hear the word "techie" one more time from management, I'm gone lose my shit!!!

I don't go around calling them "managies" all day!!!

I'm cracking up...

"chatGPT will ruin the software interviewing industry!!!"

uh.... what does it tell you about our industry if a fucking ROBOT can "ruin" the interview

well, you're right. it tells you that only algorithmic robots do well and subsequently earn the top spots at software companies after interviewing.

creativity, grit, perspective, wisdom? that stuff is absolute bullshit!!! (and as a feeble human I can't figure that out in an interview anyway!!! better just have you solve leetcode problems ad naseum!!! that'll get us the best employee!!!)

god i hate the dumb fuck rat race. good thing i'm not in it anymore! peace out, girl scout✌️

ooooo managers have sent me a meeting for a solo standup with them on monday, i'm shakin' in my boots!

they're probably angry i already worked 50+ hours this week and took today off at short notice yesterday

clowns. 🤡

Remember that 'solo standup' I was 'shaking in my boots about'?

Should have started at 9:30

Yeah, well its O9:40... the managers aren't even here yet...

So much respect in this team!

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

devRant, got a code challenge for you.

Manager calls at 18:00...

Write an algorithm that gives the optimum result!

I'll go first with my O(1) solution:

Don't answer.

I'd be interested to see whoever can beat the big O of my solution!!!!!

#moreclownwellnessthirstythursdays

Theory: zoomers are actually just boomers who come generationally full circle

Source: I work with clowns in their early 20s and the fact that they are young and were essentially born into tech and had it their whole lives literally has not contributed anything towards their understanding of basic tech concepts - if anything, it has made them more clueless.

The good news: now I know whatever is invented in the future, whatever tech comes to be, the next generation of clowns will always have many jobs to offer me.

Got laid off last week with the rest of the dev team, except one full stack Laravel dev. Investors money drying up, and the clowns can't figure out how to sell what we have.

I was all of devops and cloud infra. Had a nice k8s cluster, all terraform and gitops. The only dev left is being asked to migrate all of it to Laravel forge. 7 ML microservices, monolith web app, hashicorp vault, perfect, mlflow, kubecost, rancher, some other random services.

The genius asked the dev to move everything to a single aws account and deploy publicly with Laravel forge... While adding more features. The VP of engineering just finished his 3 year plan for the 5 months of runway they have left.

I already have another job offer for 50k more a year. I'm out of here!

Screw the Chief Technology Clown role...

I'm now officially Chief Babysitting Clown...

Skills I can teach you include the following:

- How to read JIRA tickets
- How to write JIRA tickets
- How to check colleagues' calendars
- How to define requirements in English and not some sort of technologically challenged caveman language
- How NOT to do any programming (since I don't have time for that anymore)

And many, many more! Inquire within!

I think my biggest problem is not being able to let go.

I love this product and believe in it 100%, but I CANT FUCKING STAND ANOTHER MINUTE WORKING WITH THESE FUCKING CLUELESS CLOWNS WHO ARE GOING TO DRIVE IT TO THE FUCKING GROUND!!!!!

...you know what? fuck 'em, I meanwhile reap $400+ monthly checks from Udemy, while our "best startup / amazing startup / omg wow lol i'm a fucking idiot" has earned a TOTAL of $200 in the past FUCKING YEAR

YOU FUCKING CLOWNS GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT OR I WILL TAKE THIS COMPANY OVER AND CONTROL ALL DECISIONS, IGNORING ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU THINK IS 'WISE' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT 'WISE' IS YOU FUCKS!!!!!!!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER YOUR BITBUCKET CREDENTIALS!!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN REVOKE MY ACCESS

AAAAAAAGGGGGG YOU FUCKING CLOWNS GODDAMMIT THIS IS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING I CANT EVEN I NEED TO SMASH SOMETHING TO GET THE RAGE OUTAASDASDJKLFJ;KLAFDSJKL;AFDSJKL;AFES L;KADFS AF LSAFS DHI;A EGWHIOAEGW IOAEGWHIO

I work with absolute 🤡🤡🤡s.

That is all.

My god, the managers don't even know their credentials to the Bitbucket account that THEY created!!!

🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡

Let's just hope they're not locked out for good... now THAT would be some grade-A comedy!

Clowns approaching from all sides, preparing to batter our hero, fullStackClown, with their absolute and unyielding clownshipness...

🤡 🤡🤡
🤡 👨‍💻 🤡
🤡 🤡🤡

how will he make it out of this one?!?!?!

Tune in next week to find how our hero, fullStackClown, escapes unscathed!

Why do managers always want to fucking "discuss"? If you had literally a first-grader's education in basic electronics, you could define tasks and tickets by yourself and not have to fumble around all day and fuck it up,

take your fucking feelings out of the equation

AND GET OVER IT

feelings don't get market share, features built, or any growth

so shut the hell up and grow up

AND DO YOUR DAMN JOB

you'll be proud devRant, I've finally decided to leave these clowns. updates to come...

only sad part is my rage posting will likely drop to very low levels, but i guess my own well being is a bit more important than devRant karma :) 🤷‍♂️

oh you want a code challenge for the interview? sure let me do that just like the 5 other companies i've had to do that for

like dude, look at any one of my multiple websites, saas apps, or mobile apps i've shipped. obviously i know what i'm doing

"we will also consider skills in other production languages, such as Haskell, Clojure, OCaml, Rust and C++"

ah, of course, the classic "production" languages. wouldn't want to be using those other "developing" or "staging" languages... 🥱

i swear, the 🤡 count increases by the hour.

Alright, that's it. I've had it with these fucking clowns.

You guys wanna know why I rage so much at the 🤡🤡🤡's I work with?

I shit you not, this is a ticket in our "to do" section of our Jira.

what even is ticket linking??!?!?

what even are tickets??!?!?!

or better yet.... what even the fuck is jira?!?!?! I've only been using it for over a year, give me some time to figure out how to use it!!!!!!

I don't know, maybe i'm the asshole. But at least I don't feel like a 🤡

How many times, like a broken record, do I have to tell the managment team that the "what's new" text is 500 characters max for the google play store? How many times? Surely it's more than 5 times, since I've already told them 5 times! I'll report back in when it's 10 times, although by then I may have bashed my head against the wall so many times that I'll be dead, and finally freed from these clowns.

Hey, it's 2023.

If your component isn't written in TypeScript, I'm not using it :)

"TypeScript is overly complicated!!!" why, because it pointed out everything wrong in your JS code?

"TypeScript is not flexible!!!" why, because it makes you not rely on fragile "only possible in javascript" patterns?

"TypeScript isn't needed!!!" why, because you've never worked on a project with more than 100 lines of code where dependency management and clean code policies were implemented?

god just stop with the JavaScript purist BS, you aren't going to win this battle, and it's even worse because not only are you injuring everyone in the software community, you're injuring your own productivity and skillset

actually, you know what, fine. just use pure JS and HTML implementations. see you in 10 years when i'm retired and you are still running around in circles wondering why the world has left you behind

Harsh truth:

My side SaaS project made more money in its first month (built late winter last year, MVP released after ~3 weeks of development) than the sTaRtUp I work for over its total lifetime so far (built over 3+ months, MVP released in May last year)

...is it time to rage quit?

Often I have dreams of going full-time solo dev, leaving every idiotic, clueless, fumbling clown behind, but I feel like I just don't have the financial runway to do it. However, even from just a few months in 2021 while I was on the job hunt, I created some side revenue streams which I'm still receiving decent revenues from (selling courses, saas products, minor freelancing). I'm just not 100% sure if I was "lucky" during this time period, or if a few more months going at it I'd be able to scrape my way towards a meager (though livable!) income.

Give me biased views, devRant!

I pay over $100 per year for Apple's piece of shit developer program and the app store connect website isn't even accessible right now.

Great.

Urgh, fucking excel!
Why the fuck can't you handle a few thousand calculations you dumb ass piece of shit.

I am this close to... fuck, it crashed. 🤦‍♂️

I fucking give up.
Time to strap this data to a DB instead.

Remember:

They need you.

You don't need them.

#clownwellnessthirstythursday

Why use google calendar?

Get you a micromanager!

Always the same with these f**** 🤡🤡🤡s

Congratulations, you've earned yourself a spot in the STOP category on next week's retrospective! 🖕

Love being contacted by a consultant.

At 7PM.

Via WhatsApp.

Becuase they recently "migrated to gmail" (wtf does that even mean?!?! it was their reason why I didnt get their email)

I fucking hate zoomers, please kill me, i have made a mistake working with these clowns

🤡

Well, this one I HAVEN'T seen before. I'm officially getting emails from recruiters addressed to someone else's name

Today, apparently my name is Mateus.

BE GONE CLOWN!!!! MAY YOU BE CAST BACK UNTO THE DEPTHS FROM WHICH YOU HAVE SPRUNG!!!!!

🪄✨

👻👹👺

🤡

can't wait to be absolutely fuck you rich while the clowns continue to fumble around in the sandbox for the next 5 years 🪣⛏️😂😂😂

all those years, crouched over a laptop, learning React, then TypeScript, then PostgreSQL, then .NET, then React Hooks, then Redux Toolkit, then Golang, then GraphQL, and even RabbitMQ and gRPC mixed in... more and more and more............ IT'S TIME TO SPREAD MY WINGS AND FUCKING FLY BABY!!!!!

why work for clueless clowns when your own technical know-how is literally 1000x (or perhaps infinitely) theirs? Was I an idiot? Yes, I was! Way too nice and I bought into the hype fake idiot brain culture, but now I've finally woken up. Time to ascend to the stars by myself.

Cheers devRant, this 🤡 is finally going to transform into a 👨‍🚀🚀

You may not hear from me for a while sadly, but I'll be sure you guys get the first shoutout - see you on 🪐

Rejected by a woman I liked very much. 🙂

Discussing is so great and wonderful.

Doing is far better.

Some people would rather post idiotic minion gifs than help find the truth in GitHub threads.

But that's the world we live in.

Army of 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Already 3/4 with PRs for Hacktoberfest 😏

This stuff brings me back to the days when software used to be fun and not driven by absolutely clueless clowns in big-wig management clowntown. 🥲

Hey GitHub Idiot No Need To Write Capitalized Issue Requests Like This It Makes You Look Incompetent We Are Not Working In .NET Here On GitHub

just absolute 🤡

Framework propagator clowns often tell me dOnT rEiNvEnT tHe wHeEl 🤡
Bitch, F1 car wheel and shopping cart wheel are not the same. I will reinvent the wheel every time, and it will be perfect for the job.

I could start a cinematic universe with all the clowns I work with. The CCU. I'd probably get sued by @fullstackclown

So, some years ago, my old firm was bought by a much larger company.

A couple years later, my CTO resigned, as he needed a week deserved break. I acted as interim CTO for half a year, with the full support of the CEO.

But then higher management removed my CEO for a politician 🤡. His first move is to ask my ex-CEO who to consider for CTO.

He adamantly vouches for me, but in the end, I'm not "political" enough. (Sure I admit I'm not the most organized person, and do not sweeten arguments to suits, but I had won the full trust of my previous superiors *and* fellow devs, and had people to cover for organizational stuff, and have successfully navigated situations with the world's biggest tech orgs).

So I'm again a dev, and they hire this new CTO at twice my salary. But as you can probably guess, who ends up still doing all the CTO work on top of his dev work? Yeah.

That drove me to quit, not because of the demotion, but for a denied minor raise when I was doing the work of someone with twice my paycheck.

As could be expected, once I quit, the CTO barely lasted 6 months.

Fun part is, I've been freelancing (successfully) from them on, and I've been contacted by this CTO, trying to hire me to do some work in his new company...

I'm torn whether to tell him to bite me, charge him a shitton of money or any other funny ideas.

Mind you, I don't dislike the guy, and he's not particularly annoying to work with, so I guess this doubles as a rant against corporate clowns, and a bit of advice seeking.

And on today's schedule, we'll be teaching the managers how to use a new dashboard, because not only do they not understand tech, they don't understand life!

waaaah_waaaah_waaaah.mp3 🤡

My GitHub Copilot can write better feature files than these clowns...

🤡

Clown manager put three juniors (and ”senior” dev on work visa) on new project.

They will never finish it.

It’s too hard for them with some legacy dynamically created complex database queries which will spook the hell out of them!

But managers like, ”it’s going to be good” and ”making good progress”.

Fuck no! Putting juniors together? With little support? It such a waste. They spent weeks just to get even the slightest progress.

No best practise. No tests. Just hacking away.

It’s a failure of the management! We fail our juniors and they will quit as soon as they get the chance and they feel like they have some wind under their wings.

”It’s going to be good”

Pff. Clowns leading this company.

I want you all to think back on how "transparent" and "helpful" everyone was to you when you were useful to the company.

And then as soon as you were gone, did they just complain and say something like "how could fullstackclown leave us??!?!?!"

I swear, the last call I was on, I literally heard the phrase "we are such a good team, we think up great MVP products and you guys execute so well"

Let me translate: "we are whimsical fucksticks and you are our slaves to implement it because we ourselves are too incompetent to do it"

Well no more.

Fucking tools, all of them, everyone just wants to use us to get ahead. No competence, no self-understanding, just encapsulate the "IT" or "tEcHiE" people to some department - doesn't even have to even be near us, they can be from any geographic location; they can just be replaced at a moment's notice!

Yeah, well fuck you, because we're growing in skill and understanding, and fighting against you.

Fucking 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡s

The unionized revolution of software developer is coming soon.

Ah the managers have come up with a new term we need to implement: "SEO Doubleposting"

I must bow down to their technical genius and prowess, I've never heard it before, it must be high tech term beyond my 10+ years of being a developer.

Manager: Oh I also forgot, we also have a red balloon... do you know if you could inflate it?

Dev (the EXPERT): ...

Question: is it a red flag if I'm "not supposed to" blog about tips and tricks I've found at work (not even code level, just organization and general design patterns)? Reason given to me: "we need to be careful about due diligence and intellectual property for our investors to be satisfied". Am I working with idiots?

Losing days and weeks so the kids can tinker around in their sandbox. 🏖️

🤡

Hey guys! lambda is amazing! Docker containers! They said the whole amazing point with containers is that they run the same everywhere! Except not really, because lambda 'containers' are an abomination of *nix standards with arbitrary rules that really don't make sense! That's ok though, you can push your shit to fargate, then it will work more like those docker containers you know and love and can run locally! Oh wait! fargate is a pain in the ass x 2 just to setup! You want to expose your REST api running on a container to the world? well ha, you'd better be ready to spend literally 2 weeks to configure every fucking piece of technology that every existed just to do that!!!! it's great, AWS, i love it, i'm so fucking big brained smart!!!

give me a break.... back in my day you'd set up an nginx instance, put your REST / websocket / graphQL service whatever behind it, and call it a day!!!!!!!

even with tools like pulumi or terraform this is a pain in the ass and a half, i mean what are we really doing here folks

way too complicated, the whole AWS infrastructure is setup for companies who need such a level of granularity because they have 1 billion users daily... too bad there are like 5 companies on the planet who need this level of complexity!!!!!!!

oh, and if your ego is bashed because of this post, maybe reread it and realize you're the 🤡

i'm unhappy because i was lied to. docker containers are docker containers, until they aren't. *nix standards are *nix standards, until they aren't

bed time.

Another day of the incompetent design team wasting my time

#clowndesigneddevelopment

Blizzard clowns have done it again… they changed male/female to body type selection. Voices are still male/female, characters are still referred as he/she. Fuck these pandering piece of shits.

I hate non-tech people hijacking tech field inch by inch.

When you realize devRant's SEO is pretty decent and you were getting doxxed from your old account so you change your name to fullstackclown 🤡

(tried to include the emoji in it but once again devRant is too smart for me)

GOD why am I CONTINUALLY RESUBSCRIBED to garbo random newsletters!

we need to start a new internet altogether

and I know what's happening, these idiotic "tech influencers" pay some shady service to "bOosT YoUr FoLloWiNg bY 100X!!!" and they're blatantly just breaking the law, breaking GDPR, etc. etc., its bots all the way down, cant wait for clowns with 2 braincells to use a chatGPT integration with the web, content will just get SO much better fuck

Days since last issue from 3rd party library: 0

It doesn't get any better than this folks!

It just makes me even more joyful to know that said companies library earns them 1000x figures of what my company earns! Yay software!

Reason for rejected pull request on hacktoberfest: "wrong commit message"

...are you fucking dumb or what?

damn robot machine clowns, you wonder why you don't get better at your craft

"we love open source, making it so prohibitively convoluted to participate!!! why won't anyone contribute to our repo?!?!?!"

clowns, absolutely everywhere i swear

These 🤡clowns🤡 are so dependent on me and I'm just sick of it, not to mention I simply don't have the time.

You can't make this stuff up:

Due to a bug in THEIR coding test software, I got forwarded on to create my profile and appy to companies, when I wasn't supposed to...

how much of a clown must that guy have felt like saying I can reapply again and try the code test again later - because of THEIR shitty site? i mean i'm had it about up to here by now

hahahaha won't have to worry about that because I won't be working with these clowns anymore

I had to remind our companys self-proclaimed "Excel Wizard" how to do a vlookup today

Python decided to write unrelated unfunny memes on their official downloads page.

Python = 🤡 clowns, confirmed

"Hey, we've made these deprecating changes for the whole company"... "but no migration guide, deal with it"

All software developers are clowns. Prove me wrong (you cannot)

🤡

Fuck Apple with two pineapples in the ass. 99€ per fucking year to tell me how the fuck should the access to my app be. I damn require users to sign up. I only need email and country. Not a single other piece of data. My app is not a goddamn catalogue or boutique. No free content, free app but each user needs to Auth themselves. You fucking telling me y pay 99€ so you decide how the access to my app should be?

Cunt Apple should rot in 10 day old humid shit and let devs be owners of their apps and hard work. Clowns.

The bygone clowns have started their new project. I look at the FAQ page. It's literally lies, because I know what they've done so far.

"We've had thousands of clients!" no they haven't, lie.

"We estimate approximately % of customers..." they don't have enough data to support that, lie.

Since when did marketing become lying?

God I hate this planet.

I think - programming is not for me. :(

Interview horror show: The time I got ghosted after the first interview.

I shit you not, I waited and waited for a reply, and since they didn't give any respect, I didn't show them any back and never sent a follow-up.

Yeah, fucking clowns, I hope your company burns to the ground with that level of professionalism.

black sabbath, fly me away to the skies away from these clowns...

Clowns who reply to each thread separately with a single comment on Slack instead of keeping it in the main window 🤡

Mimes/clowns/dolphins are creepy asf.

What to do as junior, if multiple seniors (4) aren't in sync with each other. Following different convention on same client's project. Even after 3 years they didn't able come up with seemless infrastrure. The code is getting ugly day by day. No review happens. Is that normal? As they are not in sync, we, juniors are frequently getting confused what to do. What could be done? I'm planning to leave the project somehow. Don't know what to do. 😑

dude1: You know what having big feet means, right? <wink, wink>
dude2: You get to wear clown shoes!

Gives a whole new meaning to "big shoes to fill".

Ha, Microsoft closes my easily reproducible issue with their Monaco editor as 'resolved':

> posted "resolution" is totally wrong, it's not even in the TypeScript typings of their own library or anywhere in the documentation

jesus christ today is not my day

seems like everyone already started chugging the Christmas eggnog, maybe I'd just give up and start do the same

Sometimes I feel like I can achieve everything in this very moment, sometimes, I'm like "meh! why do I exist? why I'm working that hard." 🥴

A fresh React Native template install doesn't even come with a src/ folder

wild

Oh boy oh boy I’m rushing headlong to some forgotten conclusion around a hole coach from hell full of gay clowns yay !