Hahaha

Mock explained

Aww... I think I just had an orgasm

We do it fast! 😎

Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!

When they replace you with an intern

I participated this weekend at a hackathon, and I actually have won with my teammate :)

When your girlfriend bathroom is highly active on github

😂😂😂😂😂

hotfix for a production bug

I was told that my granny was having trouble signing into Facebook, so I go to help her and this is what happens.

Me: try and open Facebook.
Granny: *looks confused*
Granny: oh I know!
Granny: *opens up Gmail*
Me: *wtf is she doing?*
Granny: *opens an email from Facebook*
Granny: ok, I'm in Facebook.

Not sure whether to cringe or laugh 😅

So I have done some solo projects and some group projects now and I saw that Hacktoberfest was on so I went and signed up. I saw some of the things todo and got overwhelmed with the code on the repo. What do you guys think I should start off with in terms of open source projects. I want to get into some open source projects but don't know what to look for or where to start. Any help would be appreciated.

for (int sticker = 0 ; sticker < noOfStickers ; sticker++) {
if (sticker == devRant) {
codingAbility += 10;
}
}

Seems right 😂

My brother and I were checking out this new restaurant that had opened up recently. As we enter,

I inadvertently blurt out, "Hey! This place has a nice UI!"

Brother - "Wut?"

Me - "Ambience, I meant ambience."

*me and a bored coworker
me: bored as hell dude.

him: i have a fun game in mind.

me: shoot.

him: *brings his keyboard
him: type the string you can type the fastest. we will time it. i will start.
him: *types his name
him: your turn.

me: Scanner scanner = new Scanner(System.in);

him: the fuck is wrong with you?

Marketing done right

5!=120
(Not missing brackets)

Working hard on a project. Suddenly, my system freezes except for my terminals. I curse, as I really don't want to reboot. I spend 10 minutes that I don't have investigating processes, and then look at my mouse.

It's wireless, and had simply run out of juice.

Callback hell?

Think about div hell

it doesn't matter even if your code cures cancer. it's always the ui that matters

There are two type of people

1. Use programming as a source to gain stress

2. Use programming as a source to
remove stress

After months of development, testing, testing and even more testing the app was ready for deployment to production. Happy days, the end was in sight!

I had a week's leave so I handed over the preparation for deployment to my Senior Developer and left it in his capable hands while I enjoyed the sun and many beers.

I came back on the day of deployment and proudly pressed the deploy button. Hurrah!

Not long after I got loads of phone calls from around the country as the app wasn't working. What madness is this?! We tested this for months!

Turns out my Senior didn't like the way I'd written the SQL queries so he changed them. Which is obviously both annoying and unprofessional, but even worse he got a join wrong so the memory usage was a billion times more and it drained the network bandwidth for the whole site when I tried to debug it.

I got all the grief for the app not working and for causing many other incidents by running queries that killed the network.

So...much... rage!!!

*Me trying to flirt with her*

Me: "Programming turns me 1."

She: "JavaScript turns me true."

Guess who spent whole day searching some good js tutorials on web today ??

> me on call
> had to much wine
> suddenly, phone starts making sound
> holy shit, I am on call and I am not supposed to drink
> Calls taxi because shit is looking bad at work. Everything look down according to the sms I get, I had to pay the taxi from my own pocket.
> 40 min later, arrive at work. Walk into the serverroom.
> Go to the the server that is monitoring everything.
> Check networkcable, it is loose. Push it a little.
> Goddamnit, that was it.
> Realize I never doublechecked if stuff really was down from home....

OCD people losing their shit in 3, 2, 1...

You know I once played in a band? It was called 1023 megabytes, but we never got a gig.

Co-worker Pranks #281: Write a program to capture keyboard input and instead output "fucking" after every "the" they type.

i.e. Can you push the fucking most recent commits

Do you want the fucking paperwork today, bossman

I can't do that today, the fucking coffee machine is not working

Why did the integer drown?

Because it wouldn't float.

Someone on the IP 127.0.0.1 has been creating a lot of bugs in my code, please beware of you notice any connections from that address.