A certain company:

1) Forbids to run its proprietary operating system on hardware that is not produced by the company itself (BTW sold extremely overpriced). Virtual machines included.

2) Makes laptops with wrong and unusable keyboard layouts.

3) Does not sell any kind of servers that can be mounted on a rack.

Why should any open source project waste resources and time to support it? They should just be left alone with their crappy software and their overpriced hardware.

The most incompetent co-worker is that idiot who wrote this piece of crappy code! Oh wait, that's me!

It would be a great result if I could just go back to have some fun while programming.

Dear Santa, please bring me a compiler that generates compile errors instead of runtime bugs. Thanks.

We have an unit test that tests the average of a sequence of numbers generated randomly using a gaussian distribution. Of course it fails from time to time, it's random! Failing to fail, would mean that the generator is not generating random numbers, therefore failure means success, but success does not mean failure.

Wait, why did we add this test in the first place?

Today I explained to my wife why my night stand is a mess, and hers is clean and ordered by using the backend/frontend metaphor.

I am the backend, handling bills, bank accounts, taxes, warranties and all the paperwork.
She is my frontend, handling my social interactions.

Now she hates me, but she admitted I'm right.
She still want me to clean my night stand though.

You are a programmer! Now fix my printer!

Some time ago, I gave a tutorial and wrote page with some brief instructions for configuring and start using git for a team of researchers. A few day later I came back to check how they were doing and I found that following my instructions, several people were committing as:

John Doe <john.doe@example.com>

Perfect! I don't think that there is anything else I can do to help them.

I just noticed that when my wife fills the dishwasher, she always leaves empty the space between the border and the first support for the dishes.

I'm starting to be afraid that she might also believe that arrays start at 1...

CTRL+SHIFT+Z or CTRL+Y?

Yesterday I had to start the windows 10 partition on my work laptop in order to use a shitty conference call software that works only on Windows. Windows decided that it was time to upgrade the system without asking me, so it deleted grub from the MBR, and destroyed my Linux partition (I had to recover it from a backup sector and it was full of errors).
Result: I wasted my morning fixing the laptop.
Thank you Microsoft.

Don't apply for a dev job. This is the advice I wish someone gave me before I applied for my first dev job.

How can I stop colleagues from interrupting me every 5 minutes while I'm working/debugging in a polite way? I'm really annoyed, and I'm starting to become rude, but even that does not stop them.

Any software written for "academic" purposes.

Also computers. Developers' life would be much easier if they didn't exist.

After searching for half an hour in some legacy code for the corresponding opposite of a method "addSomething()" I realised that the method was there hiding in plain sight and used in several places. The name was not "removeSomething" as expected, but "addRemove()".

I've been working for the last 5 years on some large legacy code used in production, more than 100K LOC, poor comments (when existing) often outdated, huge parts of code that can no longer be reached, over-engineered class hierarchy, functions of thousands lines, huge parts of deprecated code that cannot be removed because "someone might still be using it". Statistically, every small change caused 3 new issues somewhere else and every bug fix or new feature required 10 times the time that would be necessary with a decent codebase. But after five years in hell I can finally say that... Oh wait, nothing changed, the code is still legacy and nobody is going to do anything about that.

Just found this while trying to understand some code:

```
bool ok = true;
if(ok) {
// lots of code here
} else {
// even more code here
}
```

I thought this was worth my first rant...