Sorry John Doe, you're application for this job has been rejected. As we specified for this job you need to know about GitHub. In your CV you stated that you are an expert in git but our job requires the knowledge of hub as well. Good luck next time

So my coworker got assigned a task. She copied some code from some crappy site, without even bothering of getting rid of "John Doe" in strings or getting rid of unused functions.

She hands it over me for review and I discover that the code doesn't even work! She didn't even bother running it! Anyways, I knew that the task was urgent, so instead of sending her a review, I trash her code and write everything from scratch.

This morning I woke up with an email from her to the team saying that *she* completed the task. Sorry babe, but I cannot let you take credit for my stuff.

expect([
row[‘blah’][0][1],
row[‘blah’][1][1],
row[’blah’][2][1],
row[‘blah’][3][1],
row[‘blah’][4][1],
]).to contain_exactly(
a.name(user), # “John doe”
c.name(user), # “John doe”
e.name(user), # “John doe”
b.name(user), # “John doe”
d.name(user), # “John doe”
)

(Note: The comments are mine.)

See the problem? No, not the ugly code (which is actually worse than what i posted here).

It’s using the same ridiculous getter (if you can call it that) that pulls a name out of the passed user object, and then expecting each row to have that name, in order. Not that order matters when they’re all the same.

Upon inspection, all objects created by the spec have the exact same name, so the above test passes (as long as there are 5 rows). It passes, but totally not because it should: those aren’t the objects that are actually in the table. All of the specs — all 22 of them — only check for that shared name on various rows, and no other data. And it’s not like this is the only issue, either.

Fuck me these are bad.

And this guy is a senior dev earning significantly more than me. Jesus what the fuck Christ.

Hi! 😀 Great to meet you!!! I hope you are having a fabulous day 🐝. My name is John Doe 👔 at the TechyHelp 🤲 company. I know I might not look like much 🤪, but I will do my very best to make sure 🫵 YOU get my best service 👨‍🔧 to your hearts content 😌. I am sorry that this problem has been causing you pain 😥 it must be so awful dealing with this 😖 I can’t even imagine 🫣. I feel for you deeply 😮‍💨. It is my duty 🫡 and I will make sure to give you exactly what you are asking for and more. I am aching 😩 to satisfy you so you don’t feel anymore pain. I want to give you 🫴 so much pleasure today 🤤 to make sure you never have to think 🤔 about this problem ever again 🥰.

Upon applying some of my sleuthing 🕵️‍♂️ skills to use, I found that to restart your computer, press and hold Alt + F4

Let me know if this solves your problem!

I really hope I entertained you today 🥺. It is my pleasure ✨ to give you the most satisfaction possible, and I love that u came to me first 🤓. I know sometimes these problems can get built up 🥴 and really explode 🎊 💦 when you least expect it. So I hope I relieved some of that pressure today ☺️.

If you enjoyed my performance today, we would love to hear your feedback! 📝 Please sign up at the form below so that we can call you 📱 and hear about your experience 🌝. You can also take the 69 question survey on how well I serviced you today 😏.

Have a blessed day!
Stay safe!
Hope your life is amazing!
Happy pride month!
Peace, love, unity, respect!
Hugs and kisses!
Thanks a million!

- John

!dev

Whoever the fuck wit coded the entire system for the university/college application information portal over here in my country needs to be hung, shot, hung again and shot.

It's **ABSOLUTE FUCKING GARBAGE** on the design. First we have the search box. It literally takes a good 20 seconds to query 1000 entries at low traffic and 3 MINUTES at high traffic. Bad enough? Because it would also take that long to give you a table of search result which is, I shit you not, identical to the drop-down results you get while typing except rendered inside a <table></table> with some overlay!

Oh, did I mention it didn't have partial match? Yea, IT DIDN'T. For example, "John Hurr Doe City" would not match "John Hurr Doe city" just to piss you off. And then we have the fuckers that do this:
- University A John Hurr Doe city
- University B JHD City
- University C JHD city
That and no partial match. Yea. It's BS.

Also. if you wanna search again after view a school, you have to press "Back", the physical "Back" of the browser. Fair, it's good, but if you press anything other than that button, welll, you're fucked although lightly.

The cherry on top of the rant cone? The whole thing is made by the studentfucking Ministry of Education and Training, the mother of overlord of students. Yea. The fucking Ministry itself. Really. You wanna go "catch up with the world and master the 4.0 Industrial Revolution" and yet you can't fucking code the site properly. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck your horse you're riding and probably fuck you as well.

Sorry for getting slightly political at the end, the damn page is getting on my nerve.

I have just done my manicures yesterday evening. And, it's so nice to look at when you have your nails done from my point of view, especially when coding. So much view and can really boost self esteem, lets you smile, and motivated to work though I don't usually love Mondays because yeah, another manic Monday.

I just so love my manicures today, despite the allergies that I still have, the enhancement code that has not yet been deployed by our ever loving, supreme, Grandmaster turd, let's just name him, John Doe.

P.S. please not be easily removed manicures. For you are the only source of my happiness and my motivation to go to work (because bills is too mainstream and will always be the classy reason also)

Just found an interface in an app of my company that uses the best of both worlds: csv AND xml 🤦🏻‍♂️

<Name>John;<Lastname>Doe;

🤣

Unless you're editing actual fucking JSON and not a JS object, do this:
{
name: 'John Doe',
phone_number: '12345',
}

Not this:
{
name: 'John Doe',
phone_number: '12345'
}

Note the presence or lack of a comma after the last field. In this way, when you add a new field, you only have one line change in version control, because otherwise you'd have to add that no-longer-last comma and thus make two line changes. Not to mention you can forget to add it and spend some time figuring out what is wrong.

So I'm called down to the office the other day for a meeting, I get there and my boss says "hi this is John Doe he has applied for the developer role, can you give him the technical interview" had no time to prep, my boss didn't even give me a copy of his CV

Today a tester returned my task because “placeholder should say Bruse Wayne not John Doe”.

Yes, Bruse, not Bruce.

Too bad I’m leaving John Doe there and close it anyways

Why the hell people add me on LinkedIn for like no reason? Why do people do that?

I mean, "John Doe wants to connect". Ok, let's see, maybe I know him... "John Doe, Chemical Engineer living in Argentina"

WTH man? I don't know you, I don't work with chemicals, I don't live near Argentina, and we do not have anyone in common!

Unless you're a recruiter; if I don't know you and you don't specify why you wanna connect with me, I'll ignore your request.

website: fill in all fields
user: john doe
kill blood, texas, 751454, usa
me: when the website says street name, we meant the name of your faking street!

Real, seriously honest feedback wanted.
What do you do when you are stuck at a place that has potential but it is being run by someone with the wrong idea?
For example: not to toot my own horn, but I shine at front end Development. Not just slicing up designs, but seriously creating amazing user experiences. And honestly, there is no shortage of work for that ... every client we have has an expectation that their site or application will look awesome. And we have some very big clients.
That said, the manager truly believes that we are all inter-changeable and should have no preference. As a result, John Doe over there who has zero ability in front end gets tasked with building the front end of what should be an amazing app... while I eventually get tasked with some sitecore bullshit that I have no interest in.
And it goes on and on and on.
It is no coincidence that anytime the dice land on me for front end, it wins an award and always ends with an awesome thank you from the customer.

I am not sure what to do, because it just makes no sense to me. And this is just one example of the mismanagement.

Any help?

I started asking to get draft templates in German language. So at least we'll know what the site will look like what when text is very long and customers are called "Sebastian Wiedenmann" instead of "John Doe".

Remember English is a very concise language and you always get bad CSS surprises when applying translations.

R.I.P John Doe

He made the mistake of writing unmaintainable code then leaving the team.
I just heard of his passing.
He was brutally beaten to death by the new maintainer. Now the maintainer is behind bars.
And now I've been asked to maintain it.

R.I.P Me as well I guess

Joke of course.

An project I was working on was required to always identify users who took part in certain transactions (think of financial processing regulations).

Because some of the contacts on your phone might only contain a mobile phone number (and no name) a mandatory 'recipient' field was thus created to be filled for each transaction. This name was then checked against some international UN sanctions blacklists (you know, so Bin Ladens cousin can't use the thing...).

Only thing was... you could simply enter whatever name you wanted to. Like '%#^@/}(#' or 'John Doe', or 'Micky Mouse'... Everyone was well aware of this - but because ITS' THEM RULES we had to do it anyway.

Hope Bin Ladens cousin doesn't figure it out. :P

Interview Question:
Are there other options to make this go any shorter?
if (john == doe == max == paul == stella == false)
return "Not Okay";
return "Okay";

I did...
return (!john && !doe && !max && !paul && !stella) ? "Not Okay" : "Okay";

That was the shortest i could come up with... Maybe there is something shorter, dunno.

Some time ago, I gave a tutorial and wrote page with some brief instructions for configuring and start using git for a team of researchers. A few day later I came back to check how they were doing and I found that following my instructions, several people were committing as:

John Doe <john.doe@example.com>

Perfect! I don't think that there is anything else I can do to help them.

If your manager asks you to write a raw algorithm based on raw data in order to properly structure, sort and filter that data, how long do you take on average to complete said task?

Example:
Here's a text file with a bunch of continuous data like: john doe 5555 my street 123 karen wiscott 12347 her street 22 peter wright

..and then you first have to start identifying boundaries for each data entry (which is a task on its own, with comparators and shit), solve its bugs.. then you have to make sure it's properly getting sorted.. sort those bugs.. Yeah, it just takes a long time for me to figure all that out.

It takes me 4-5 days on average since I'm a junior but managers expect it to only take 1-4 hours.. madness..

The culture in engineering org is to address each other as 'brother' and seniors as 'sir'.

Bhai is the local term for brother.

This is how an average Slack message reads:

"We will make the changes.
CC: @John Doe bhai, @Marcus Fila bhai, @David Elliot sir"

And even though these people are part of the conversation, everyone tags everyone else in each response.

Slack culture is a mess.

What is the best way to try and get a referral?

I am currently on my 1 year long job search and have always struggled on reaching/connecting with people on LinkedIn so that I can get a referral. I feel weird just asking, "Hey John Doe could I ask for a referral?" What would be the best way to do that? Also would it be a good idea to apply to some jobs first then tell someone at the company you connected with that you applied or wait for them to refer you? I honestly was never given help at my University Career Center with this, so its all kinda new and a very important thing to learn and do. Any advice or help is awesome.