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Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!
31 -
Installed Linux on an old windows laptop. This is my conversation 5 minutes ago...
Wife: "Have how you got internet?"
Me: "What do you mean, it has a wireless adapter built in?"
Wife: "But it's not Windows?"
WTF!!!
Me: "Pass my phone, this is going on devRant"
Wife: "Please no, not again"25 -
I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.
I'll see myself out.14 -
My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.
I think I married an adrenaline junkie.12 -
"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"
- ex gf 2011
"I'm proud you do something you love"
- wife 201611 -
Me and my wife are software engineers
Started dating while doing a project together
I guess you could say that we...
MERGED WITHOUT CONFLICTS20 -
Wife: what are you thinking about?
Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree
Wife: forget that I asked5 -
Wife discovered MS Paint on her laptop.
She asked me how long the ink would last and how to recharge it when it's finished.
I love her anyway.11 -
(\____/)
( ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)
\╭☞ \╭☞
week 119
@dfox way to convince people for clean their desk
I hope everyone's wife / mom is feeling proud.
ʘ‿ʘ9 -
Me using the Siri app on my iPhone:
Me: "Siri, call my wife."
Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts."
Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife."
Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife."
Me: "Call my wife."
Siri: "Which wife?"6 -
BF: If you were a database, I would join with you.
Me: Left or right?
BF: Inner.
(there are no words)14 -
My wife is turning into my project manager . . .
Me : Check out this game I'm building as a side project!
Wife : Wow that's really neat! I expect to be able to play it on my phone. 1 month?
Me: What? I haven't even learned how to port ...
Wife : (interrupts) ONE MONTH
Scope creep even at home *sigh14 -
!rant
My wife just had our first child today. I guess I'll have to share my rubber duck from now on.12 -
git blame
git fired
git depression
git divorce
git homeless
git commit
git job
git house
git wife --better
exit11 -
@Devintrix , congrats and happy lifes with your wife. this joke is for you :)
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Monday Night football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.
Can you help me please?
Thanks,
Joe
——————————————————–
Dear Joe:
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.
It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Jewelry 2.2, and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support11 -
After a week of failed attempts im about to post my first question on stackoverflow. If i dont return, tell my wife i always hated her.12
-
Have to share some pillow talk with the wife last night - somehow got onto the subject of washing machines. Mentioned that most washing machines run on something like Java, she disagreed and said they run on buttons. BUTTONS!!
Told her I would be putting this on devrant.7 -
Just found out my wife is pregnant!! So excited! What should our little one's first programming language be? What age should they start learning??
Joy!!24 -
"The school tech asked me for my MAC address on my phone, but I told them I didn't have one because my phone is Android and Macs only have MAC addresses, right?"
-my wife8 -
I was talking to my wife about devRant tonight, and that at 20 +'s you get a sticker, and at 300 your get a stress ball, and she said : "Yes you already told me... I guess at 1000 +'s they'll give you a wife".
Ermm...6 -
Wife : School tooday ?
Me: Nop... Remote working ! 😎😁
Love programming
Wife : But how people know you working.
Me : git commit -a -m "im working on it" && git push
Wife : ohh never mind have a good day !
Me : you too17 -
Update: The accountant (wife) restored the database herself.
She also plans to fire the incompetent ones.
What a pleasant twist.13 -
Not a rant! 😁
For the first time in 21 years, ya girl landed herself a job!
It's a part-time paid internship to work at the IT help-desk for a company. Not hugely glamorous, but for the first job in my whole life, I am pretty excited & happy 😊
And as an extra bonus, my partner got the job too!! Yay :)9 -
I let my wife use my laptop for a minute. She closed all my tabs and I can't restore them. Our love died inside a little today.9
-
Wife: commit, and come to bed..
Me:
> git commit -m "wife wants me to go to bed"
> git push origin master -f16 -
While working from home, my wife overlooked my work Slack chat.
She saw me typing "can you ssh?" and told me "that's a bit rude".
She understood it as "can you shush?".4 -
About 11 months I posted that my wife was pregnant. I now have upgraded to son 1.0. All without writing any tests!14
-
My wife asked me to clean, cook and watch the child.
When she returned home she started screaming hysterically and cry.
Who understands women...9 -
My wife asked me to give her some cash.
I asked how many bytes!
I'm staring at divorce papers now.8 -
!rant
Working at home this Saturday. My wife made coffee, some toasted bread and is leaving me quiet in my corner. She's the best!
11 -
Wife: It's Two AM. Why are you still on the computer?
Me: I have to get this API done by tomorrow.
Wife: WHO IS SHE?1 -
Before marrying a programmer, give him a computer with low internet speed.
Then you can understand his real behaviors and ethics. :))
3 -
Told my wife I'll be home by 10 in the night, but when I got back she started screaming at me. Does binary not work when drunk? 🤔8
-
*At an outdoor birthday party*
Wife: Hey, there's a bug on the cake!
Me: Strange... I don't remember baking that cake...
Other guests: -_- -
Damned, my wife's pms (aka "premenstrual syndrome") is synchronize with the windows update...
What have I done in my paste life's?5 -
Wife: "How hard is to make a phone app?"
Me: "Depends on what it is, why?"
Wife: "I had an idea for a cool app that does blah blah blah"
Me: "That actually sounds like a cool app. Let's brainstorm tonight and come up with a plan and see if we need to hire some freelance devs for it"
Wife: "Cool, I also want to make an app to blahblah2, oh and one to blahblah3.. oh hmm what about.."
<facepalm>4 -
This morning I WILL code! I WILL finish that multimillion pound idea!! I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!.....then wife and baby wake up 😣6
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So my wife started learning coding and web development. I am quite impressed how fast someone can learn it (she started from scratch, with No knowledge before)13
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Woke up 2hours before wife n daughter usually awake so I can code!.....daughter wakes up 10mins later 😑7
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My wife is neither a programmer nor she understands code but I love her more when she puts snacks in my mouth herself because my hands are too busy on the keyboard.5
-
Man: Hey Google, tell my wife that I cant make for the dinner with her parents.
Google Assistant: Okay, will do.
After sometime...
Google Assistant: Next time, you talk to your wife yourself...1 -
Today I wanted to start learning C.
Windows wanted to update.
We did updates.
I guess this is my wife now.4 -
My wife is complaining that am spending too much time on devRant. I just told her, am coming here only when windows is updating :p ;)1
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⬜️Finish my indie Game
⬜️Publish my Indie Game.
⬜️Make my wife pregnant.
⬜️Clean codebase current C++ job
⬜️Learn Piano play
⬜️Create clean coding presentation
⬜️Be more productive12 -
My Father's day gift from my wife. 😁
Should make my application development a little more badass as I drink from it.
\m/
2 -
Jeff Bezos' wife is divorcing him.
And just like that, she's worth more than I could ever dream of being worth. Holy fuck.
25 -
Who is agree with this CSS, and how it could be optimized?
#wife {
right: 100%;
margin: 0;
position: fixed;
}13 -
Wife: When will you be home? It's 6:00pm.
Husband: When my program does what I want and exits with code 0.
Wife: I'll see you tomorrow.3 -
To the people talking about boats on the other side of the cubical wall, FUCK YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR 45 MINUTES! DO YOU WORK? I HOPE YOUR BOATS ALL GET RUST. I worked 12 hours on Sunday, got 4 hours of sleep, pulling a full day, then depending on how much work I get done work all night again. RESPECT MY QUIET ZONE!!! Uncouth peasants!14
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*Anything remotely technology related has an issue
Wife : I thought you were really good at computers?
Last time this came up our coffee maker wouldn't turn on.
🤷♂️4 -
So my wife decided to study webdevelopment. As long as it is not Wordpress or any other CMS - I am happy!4
-
!rant
When something works after lots of debugging, I save REALLY hard.
My wife: what was that banging noise?
Me: :w on a mechanical keyboard.
My wife: What?
Me: Victory!1 -
1. Success in supporting my wife for her personal goals
2. Quality time with my family, especially with my daughter
3. Maintain my current brain abilities2 -
My wife saw me posting on Dev Rant raging about my boss, and suggested I ought to use a different user name instead of my usual one... considering he spends all day using social media I think she might be right... passed the advice on to some friends we are all now paranoid and have new accounts. <33
-
So one day I come home from work and my wife meets me with a pack of these little tux-fellows!
Do I have the best wife or what!!!
12 -
My wife wants to name our son "Jason". I suggested "JSON" but she didn't respond code 200. She's a doctor. :-/2
-
So, I found this :
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks ...Troubled User
-------
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system.
(see Wife 1.0 manual, Apologize, High Maintenance & Secretary with Short Skirt)7 -
Our boss has a camera in the office to "monitor" us, the developers.
He tries to monitor our movements and record the things we say.
I'm curious, do other people do this?
I find it annoying.24 -
Sometimes having a family is more stressful than work... love my wife and daughter deeply but they are exhausting 😓7
-
Skipped the night, I feel like an old person now.
15 minutes later my wife steps in, happy 56th birthday.
I feel ancient right now!9 -
My wife asked what "Soapy" was on my laptop. She was referring to SoapUI, but told me the U must be silent ;)
-
You realize you complain too much about shitty websites when even your wife, while surfing from her phone, begins saying "this website sucks"...1
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Context: been coding for a year and been on react for 6months.
So im excited to talk about my achievements. Of which making buttons and menus which i share with my beloved partner.
Few months later I'm confident about my skills (that is not being a simple mortal anymore)，so i come back home and my wife kindly asks me:
“how are you today darling? Have you been succesful with your buttons today?”
.... I had to say yes.... -
Today, June 18 is my thirteenth wedding anniversary!! My wife is amazing and helps
Me keep my head on straight.9 -
Laying next to my snoring wife... My mind is running on what coding her snoring pattern would be like.2
-
Well im slowly getting there, but i still dont understand why does my wife want me to make her cam...
8 -
At someone's wedding. Don't know anyone except my wife. She known noone except me and the bride.
/awkward
/help...6 -
-----During a 6 days official vacation with my family--------
Me: Hey boss, cozz o u, I fucked up my laptop.
Boss: how?
Me: My wife threw it outside the hotel window and I see my laptops pieces now.
....a little pause....
I would love to do more of your work while I am on vacation.(inside my head: motherfucker never ask me to do that again) Do you mind sending me about $5000 so I can buy a laptop here and continue your work?
5 -
A shop donated this make up sample to my wife.
The container now is on my pc: the slogan is Immortal reset.
3 -
First and foremost: do more to show my wife that I love and appreciate her. Not dev but damned important.
Write my own web version of the taskwarrior client.
Run a 5K in June with my wife.6 -
11:59 -> why am i getting an invalid operation exception?
12:00 -> ...
12:01 -> why are we the only species that can question reason?2 -
Spent 4 hours trying to fix a problem which fixed in just 4 lines of code.
My wife feels sorry for me.5 -
I can repair an electronic item, write code and debug. Has a degree in CS so why do I have to ask the wife "baby, how do you operate the washing machine?"5
-
Sometimes you just have to kick your wife and kids out on a beautiful day so you can get some work done.4
-
Someday I will have a rant that gets enough ++ to get a stress ball. Until that day I will keep taking out my stress on my poor mouse. At least I hardly ever use it so it doesn't matter if I break it...
-
A non-technical colleague said she bought some bitcoin on a site over a year ago.
She doesn't remember the name of the website.4 -
Wife asleep early, getting a great dose of Battlefield, maybe I can finally finish the last bits of my app tonight! 😮
-
the moment you get a job offer from am fortune 100 company but its in another country and you cant move because of wife and family ... :-/9
-
Today we bought my wife her first brand-new computer. And soon she's going to start learning web stack. :D
(Oops, !rant)6 -
I promised i'd be home at 18:00
We discovered a bug at 17:30
We need to have an output for tomorrow
The process takes so many hours so we need to fix this bug before leaving so it can run all night long.
It's 19:06
Wife is gonna get mad...3 -
Can you guess where the form fields are?
It's the grey area.
Not, not that one, the other grey area.
2 -
Was wondering when the stickers would come in when low and behold, my wife and I were packing up for a move and the stickers were just there in my sock/underwear drawer...
Confused as all hell I ask my wife, "Did you put these here?"
Turns out the letter arrived ages ago and she wanted to surprise me by opening it up and hide the stickers!
I mostly wear sandals so I had no need for socks and never moved them around to find the stickers underneath...
So here they are and thank you @dfox and @trogus for making this awesome community!!!
6 -
Question: Why did the DataBase Administrator divorce his wife?
.
.
.
.
Answer: She had "one-too-many" relations6 -
My wife is starting to learn how to code. Now is finally understanding when I say this function will be over when is over.
-
!rant
Devrant really goes against the movie techie stereotype. Almost everyone has a girlfriend or wife and family!!!8 -
Just took back over my desk shared with my partner, Ukrainian tchotchkes are hers, raspberry pi and The Good Wife playing on the iPad are mine 😂
3 -
When your wife doesn't understand the concept of working remotely and keeps asking you to put up flat pack that has been in the corner for a few days because you really don't want to put it up. Just because I am sat on the sofa with my laptop on my lap watch the whole series of west world does not mean I am not working. Working from your own house makes you lose your alpha male role pretty quickly when they realise what you really do. Perhaps I should put up the flat pack knock down a wall or something have a break from socket.io!8
-
I am having a real brutal cold, but I will go to work tomorrow anyway because wife is angry about stuff I dont know1
-
Today JetBrain is discount 50%.
Spent $44.5 on PhpStorm, without telling my wife first. Sorry, I can't resist to buy it. 😫7 -
My wife told her boss that her husband is a software engineer.
And her boss asked.."Is he a foreigner from India?!"
Lol..4 -
Wife called
Wife: hello love, I will send you item number from online store, plz buy it for me.Bye
Me: minimize IDE and bring up firefox
Me: ok, let do this....!!!
WTF
7 -
Today I explained to my wife why my night stand is a mess, and hers is clean and ordered by using the backend/frontend metaphor.
I am the backend, handling bills, bank accounts, taxes, warranties and all the paperwork.
She is my frontend, handling my social interactions.
Now she hates me, but she admitted I'm right.
She still want me to clean my night stand though.4 -
Guess who just taught his wife how to commit, push, some command lines, and how to exit vim?
Also, I had to teach her over FB messenger.4 -
When you find an extremely cool SQL query online but instead of returning the high-five your wife turns around and walks away, shaking her head mumbling1
-
Day 5 in quarantine: I miss my fuckin pig ignorant arrogant toxic motherfucker boss and coworkers ! I learned to deal with those motherfucker everyday for 7 Years.
Ps: 10 years ago I loved my wife. 😥6 -
#1 Sharing co-working space with my wife.
#2 my home office! (I transitioned from music industry work into data science over the last few years)
10 -
my wife got in contact over my website because of the content. the pen friendship escalated quickly. does that count?1
-
In the zone coding... oh what's this? A text from the wife? Apparently now's the time to resolve last night's fight.2
-
For some reason my wife was watching me reading away at devrant and then says:
Wife: You are missing your protection!
Me: ehh what ....
Wife: Let me fix that.
Then she comes back with a ... wait for it ... green yellow striped glitter apple sticker for my webcam.
I don't know if I should be proud of my wife or ashamed of myself for not a replacement yet.9 -
Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".
Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"1 -
Not a rant, just another story about me and the man I'm gonna wife.
We both have an upcoming job interview, and I was just talking about how at our previous internship I was using python to automate some tedious tasks for me.
Me: it's like a general thing, right, to just automate things you don't really want to do
...
Me: like breathing, and waking up, ya know? I don't wanna do that shit
Him: it kind of already is automated.
Me: *three years of wasted time at med school come tumbling back in to my brain, suddenly recalling the brainstem*
Me: oh, yeah.1 -
Since the last Windows Update broke my wife's laptop (the WiFi driver doesn't woro anymore) she's moving to Linux. I hope it goes well since she is a non-techi. I kinda am excited.
The biggest problem will be the lack of Adobe Illustrator. 😕14 -
My wife asked me if I get bored reading and writing "in code" all day, when I could just read and write normal English.3
-
God bless.. wife is going to drive me around today with her new Tesla Model X P90D.. I'm genuinely terrified of her driving style lol.3
-
I'm shopping with my wife and all the POS systems are ugly and inefficient.
It provoques to sell them a new software5 -
My wife got me a new job, now I have to quite to the current one before Saturday, I'm currently in charge of every process in engineering area.😰8
-
I am really considering teaching my wife how to code just so she can understand my rants better
I feel like the gravity of my ranting is not communicated well enough without programming context12 -
Need to get a good job working remote so that I can move to Guatemala with my wife and have an adventure while we're still young1
-
My wife says to me we need a new car..
Im sitting here trying to decide what I need more a car or a new computer.
Decisions, decision..7 -
Panic. 😟
I received two emails today inviting me for video call interviews at two companies I applied to.
I am supposed to select a date for this week or next week, but our office resumes work on Monday, the 7th.
I only have tomorrow and the day after (3rd and 4th) left for this week. I need time to prepare, so I am thinking of booking one for 4th and one for next week.
BUT
I am trying not to start the year by skipping work. I already skipped work in December because of a brief illness (lol).
I am thinking, if I go to work on that day, I might get summoned into a meeting and miss my interview. So, I have concluded that I will have to skip work on that day, but now I can't think of excuses.
Ideas? 🤔12 -
devRant and google. And amazon. And the internet in general. And my wife. And my 2 month old son.
It's a wonder I ever get anything done... -
Wife started to remind my of features required for next deploy. Pushes me and motivates. At this point I am afraid to use my whiteboard I use for quick tasks and feedback notes
-
5am zzzZzZz, first day in 3 weeks summer holiday, wife is snoring so why not get up and get some coding done :-)4
-
I'd rather be writing some logic and magic than sitting at a babies 1st birthday party. Damnit wife I want out!4
-
This is not a happy rant...
Got a new well paying job. Moving up in life. But my wife is not in the same place... She had quite a few career struggles and just lost her current job... It wasn't even a job she went to school for, just whatever she could find...
Now she's getting quite depressed. Luckily she's not envious at me, but does keep saying how lucky she is to have me.
I really want to help her somehow, but this is really a thing I just don't know how... And it just looks like she's not handling it too well. Joking about suicide and crying about being useless... She also keeps saying that all she can do now is be a housewife. We did seek out help for her. But still... I really want to give her better support. I feel useless here.18 -
It's not an easy task to explain to your wife, why you need a new laptop... even if the current one has an 1.4 dual core amd APU (passmark rating: ~870) and only 4GB ram.3
-
For me mobile means devrant or hacker news.
What's app - hardly twice or thrice a day to talk to my wife.2 -
Seriously! My wife is a fucking NFA!
She can be in several states at the same time.
She knows what I'm thinking before I do.
She sometimes get stuck and then immediately returns to an accepting state.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!2 -
So turns out I am making a blog about my attempt to make a Facebook but not clone for my wife and her friend. Any blog naming ideas? I am thinking "Facebook but Different" haha. The idea would not be sharing direct code, but more of a devlog and coding choices(as a backend dev, I am sure the front end choices will be perfect and Superior to all front end developers' choices 😁😁)3
-
Do you know why programmers have wife and also girlfriend? Wife thinks he is with girlfriend, girlfriend thinks he is with wife and he can calmly programming. :D
-
Python is my wife, Elixir is my sexy girlfriend. While I love my life, the gf presents me what my wife cant. ReactJs/Rxjs is a lovely classic porn. The question is: what the fuck devRant is here???6
-
So who are battered husbands here like me but doesn't fight or hit back because he loves his wife so much?21
-
a world fair has been postponed straight to the autum holidays leaving my wife all alone with the kids. can't skip being a speaker.1
-
!rant
In the past two hours my wife has painted half of our garage.
Visual studio started installing before that. For fuck sake what is taking so long!!!!!!????!!5 -
TFW the wife calls asking about her website being down, and you realize Amazon S3 is having trouble.1
-
The wife, the dog, the commute, the chatty colleagues, the phones, the cars, the peoplethe keyboardthecommentsthefunctionsthebadlywrittenvariablestheinternetfacebookreddittwitterlinkedinblogsdesginsrslyauotshlmtscsjvaarcstipaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa devrant1
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Still wondering what it says about me when I tell my wife it was a good day because no one emailed or pinged me 😁1
-
Whenever my wife applies occam's razor to my problem solving or pointedly remarks "you update it, you fix it...mr. penguin"3
-
Wife: Honey go buy 2 bottles of milk and if there are eggs bring 12.
Programmer husband: * comes home with 12 bottles of milk -
Self Study of new technology while the task is already running and the deadline is tomorrow in a cold office.
"When you find your why, you find a way to make it happen!" - ET 💪 -
Old,but gold programmer joke
Wife asks her programmer husband to go and buy some things from a shop.
Wife: Go and buy 1 carton of milk,if they have eggs in the shop - bring 6.
Programmer comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
Wife: Why you bought 6 cartons of milk?
Programmer: Because they had eggs.1 -
For me coding is a huge part of my mindset. I could be having a conversation with a gf and be debugging an issue in my head. I could wake up in the middle of the night and start coding an idea I had just thought of. Especially if I'm working on something I'm too excited about, I will work hours, days straight and not make time for much else. So I've phased through quite a few relationships this way (especially with normies) 🤷♂️ I almost feel like I'd have to be with someone as obsessed as I am for things to work out lol
-
Politely suggested the wife should take the car today to run errands and I'd take public transport to work today.
Hopefully the only regret I'll make today.2 -
When you've got a night of fun planned with the wife (😉) and a major client emergency happens that needs your attention. Bleh/Sigh1
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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis,” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”
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Asked Siri to "call my wife" but did it in an accent that obviously made it sound like "call _me_ wife".1
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Not on the topic of development-
My wife now punishes me by taking things I like out of my diet....rude2 -
!Rant
TL;DR - Getting married can lead to installing life malware.
MARRIAGE SOFTWARE....
A young husband wrote this to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Div);
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and "Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
.... The Systems Analyst replied:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See Manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 6.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 10.0" or "even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.
BEST WISHES!
Yours,"
Systems Analyst.
-----------------------------------------------
I'm not sure if this is a repost - if it is I apologise, but it's too good not to share.1 -
Windows 10 , I just want a flipping built in command line executable to log off another (local) user. I'm not a server, I don't have active directory, I don't want to switch to log in as that user first, i want to just kill their inactive local session because cisco freaking vpn doesn't allow you to connect when a other user is logged in. I can kill the session from admin task manager, I just want to be in the commandline. If your gonna let software check the number of logged in users, let the freaking administration modify the number of logged in users with a cli.
Idk if I could turn it off an on again. On a server I would just issue "query sessions" or "query users" followed by "logoff ##". Why not let me do the same damn thing on my home computer sk I don't have to restart MY SESSION just to close MY WIFE'S session. You stupid fraking company that cannot provide consistent command line programs across various systems. SCREW YOU MICROSOFT AND YOUR UTTER ASANINE DECISION MAKING REGARDING WHAT FEATURES TO INCLUDE IN WHAT BUILDS.2 -
use 'Drillan767/last/rants';
PhantomJS is love
PhantomJS is life
I don't care if it's slow
Would you be my wife -
A programmer goes out to get some dry cleaning. His wife told him, "While you're out, pick up some milk"
He never came home -
[googling devRanters before wasting time with Google]
Any of you does know of a cooking app/service where you can input the food that you have, the tools that you have and get back the recipes ordered by, for example, time-to-cook, the cooking difficulty and tastiness (the last one defined as how much of flavoured is the final meal)?14 -
That moment when you are scrolling DevRant and your wife just doesn't shut the f up and your are raging inside but you love her and are as calm as Dalai Lama on the outside.
Yes love, of course (Just let me read !!! wtf!!!) 😂😂😂😂3 -
It's sad... but, when I'm upset with my wife, I get a lot of things done in my projects.
Does this only happen to me?1 -
About to rewrite a module of our in house ERP app written in access as a web app to demonstrate to management that access is in the past. Fingers crossed this goes to plan managed to wangle this with the wife(thank god she believes in me)
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Wife: What did you do at work today?
Me: Ran back and forth in the office to hear about bugs...
Wife: ...?
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