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-
Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!
34 -
Installed Linux on an old windows laptop. This is my conversation 5 minutes ago...
Wife: "Have how you got internet?"
Me: "What do you mean, it has a wireless adapter built in?"
Wife: "But it's not Windows?"
WTF!!!
Me: "Pass my phone, this is going on devRant"
Wife: "Please no, not again"25 -
I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.
I'll see myself out.14 -
My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.
I think I married an adrenaline junkie.12 -
"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"
- ex gf 2011
"I'm proud you do something you love"
- wife 201611 -
Me and my wife are software engineers
Started dating while doing a project together
I guess you could say that we...
MERGED WITHOUT CONFLICTS19 -
Wife: what are you thinking about?
Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree
Wife: forget that I asked5 -
Wife discovered MS Paint on her laptop.
She asked me how long the ink would last and how to recharge it when it's finished.
I love her anyway.11 -
(\____/)
( ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)
\╭☞ \╭☞
week 119
@dfox way to convince people for clean their desk
I hope everyone's wife / mom is feeling proud.
ʘ‿ʘ9 -
Me using the Siri app on my iPhone:
Me: "Siri, call my wife."
Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts."
Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife."
Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife."
Me: "Call my wife."
Siri: "Which wife?"6 -
BF: If you were a database, I would join with you.
Me: Left or right?
BF: Inner.
(there are no words)15 -
My wife is turning into my project manager . . .
Me : Check out this game I'm building as a side project!
Wife : Wow that's really neat! I expect to be able to play it on my phone. 1 month?
Me: What? I haven't even learned how to port ...
Wife : (interrupts) ONE MONTH
Scope creep even at home *sigh14 -
!rant
My wife just had our first child today. I guess I'll have to share my rubber duck from now on.12 -
git blame
git fired
git depression
git divorce
git homeless
git commit
git job
git house
git wife --better
exit12 -
My wife wants me to learn another language. I told her I was already fluent in half a dozen languages, and decent at ton more.
Apparently computer languages don't count...11 -
My wife just asked...
Why do you keep looking at your phone? What do you do on it all the time? You dont even have Facebook or WhatsApp...
It's devRant baby7 -
My wife = Best wife
Her: Is that the motherboard and CPU you wanted?
Me: Yes, you get alot of power for the money (Ryzen 7 1800)
Her: Alright, you should order thoose things next week if they are not on sale this friday33 -
@Devintrix , congrats and happy lifes with your wife. this joke is for you :)
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Monday Night football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.
Can you help me please?
Thanks,
Joe
——————————————————–
Dear Joe:
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.
It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Jewelry 2.2, and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support11 -
After a week of failed attempts im about to post my first question on stackoverflow. If i dont return, tell my wife i always hated her.12
-
Have to share some pillow talk with the wife last night - somehow got onto the subject of washing machines. Mentioned that most washing machines run on something like Java, she disagreed and said they run on buttons. BUTTONS!!
Told her I would be putting this on devrant.8 -
"The school tech asked me for my MAC address on my phone, but I told them I didn't have one because my phone is Android and Macs only have MAC addresses, right?"
-my wife7 -
*Sits down at restaurant*
*orders food*
Me: opens devRant
Wife: "You're always on your phone. You're supposed to pay attention to me."
Me: puts phone down. "What would you like to talk about?"
Wife: "...I don't know"
*sits in silence for a minute*
Me: opens devRant10 -
Just found out my wife is pregnant!! So excited! What should our little one's first programming language be? What age should they start learning??
Joy!!24 -
Wife - my site is not working, everything in the code looks correct. But it is only throwing me 404 all over
Me - "blaming the teacher for giving bad shit"
Wife after googling - I fixed it, you have forgot to enable .htaccess in the virtualhost
FFS how long have I been this stupid?13 -
Wife : School tooday ?
Me: Nop... Remote working ! 😎😁
Love programming
Wife : But how people know you working.
Me : git commit -a -m "im working on it" && git push
Wife : ohh never mind have a good day !
Me : you too17 -
I was talking to my wife about devRant tonight, and that at 20 +'s you get a sticker, and at 300 your get a stress ball, and she said : "Yes you already told me... I guess at 1000 +'s they'll give you a wife".
Ermm...6 -
Wife asked if she could see my Python so I pulled it right out.
She yells, "That's not what I meant and you know it! Show me your code!"
Now apparently I'm in trouble 😂7 -
Not a rant! 😁
For the first time in 21 years, ya girl landed herself a job!
It's a part-time paid internship to work at the IT help-desk for a company. Not hugely glamorous, but for the first job in my whole life, I am pretty excited & happy 😊
And as an extra bonus, my partner got the job too!! Yay :)11 -
I let my wife use my laptop for a minute. She closed all my tabs and I can't restore them. Our love died inside a little today.9
-
While working from home, my wife overlooked my work Slack chat.
She saw me typing "can you ssh?" and told me "that's a bit rude".
She understood it as "can you shush?".4 -
My wife asked me to give her some cash.
I asked how many bytes!
I'm staring at divorce papers now.9 -
About 11 months I posted that my wife was pregnant. I now have upgraded to son 1.0. All without writing any tests!14
-
My wife asked me to clean, cook and watch the child.
When she returned home she started screaming hysterically and cry.
Who understands women...10 -
!rant
Working at home this Saturday. My wife made coffee, some toasted bread and is leaving me quiet in my corner. She's the best!
11 -
The fact that my wife thinks Devrant is lame is for me more confirmation that Devrant is the only social network for me worth spending time on. Thanks @dfox for making the world a better place for developers.2
-
Told my wife I'll be home by 10 in the night, but when I got back she started screaming at me. Does binary not work when drunk? 🤔8
-
Before marrying a programmer, give him a computer with low internet speed.
Then you can understand his real behaviors and ethics. :))
3 -
Wife: It's Two AM. Why are you still on the computer?
Me: I have to get this API done by tomorrow.
Wife: WHO IS SHE?1 -
Damned, my wife's pms (aka "premenstrual syndrome") is synchronize with the windows update...
What have I done in my paste life's?5 -
*At an outdoor birthday party*
Wife: Hey, there's a bug on the cake!
Me: Strange... I don't remember baking that cake...
Other guests: -_- -
Wife: "How hard is to make a phone app?"
Me: "Depends on what it is, why?"
Wife: "I had an idea for a cool app that does blah blah blah"
Me: "That actually sounds like a cool app. Let's brainstorm tonight and come up with a plan and see if we need to hire some freelance devs for it"
Wife: "Cool, I also want to make an app to blahblah2, oh and one to blahblah3.. oh hmm what about.."
<facepalm>4 -
Wife: commit, and come to bed..
Me:
> git commit -m "wife wants me to go to bed"
> git push origin master -f15 -
My wife comes to me, looks over my shoulder at my screen with devRant opened:
- Are you reading these "deviants" again?!
...for a moment I felt like being caught on watching redtube or something 😂2 -
This morning I WILL code! I WILL finish that multimillion pound idea!! I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!.....then wife and baby wake up 😣6
-
My wife: Oh, hacking is so cool. Can you show me?
Me: Sure. So there I needed to upload the php file, while my netcat was sitting here in the terminal waiting for incoming...
My wife: Boring, BORING.
Me: ....
(At least my 5yr son appreciates the terminal more than she: typing 'sl' or watching star wars in ASCII art.)7 -
So my wife started learning coding and web development. I am quite impressed how fast someone can learn it (she started from scratch, with No knowledge before)13
-
Woke up 2hours before wife n daughter usually awake so I can code!.....daughter wakes up 10mins later 😑8
-
Man: Hey Google, tell my wife that I cant make for the dinner with her parents.
Google Assistant: Okay, will do.
After sometime...
Google Assistant: Next time, you talk to your wife yourself...1 -
Wife - Lets go for a dinner tonight.
Husband (HR Manager) - Ok.
Husband - Should we go to a cheaper restaurant ?
Wife - No. Let's go to Royal Palace hotel.
Husband - (silence for a minute) - Ok, See you at 7.O 'Clock.
On the way, around 6.30 pm...
Husband - Once upon a time, I had pani puri competition with my sister and she ate 30 pani-puris(Search in Google, It is the most delicious chat) and defeated me.
Wife - What's so difficult in it?
Husband - Defeating me in Pani-puri eating competition is so difficult.
Wife - I can easily beat you.
Husband - Please leave it. It's not your cup of tea.
Wife - Let us have that competition right now.
Husband - So you want to see yourself defeated?
Wife - Let's see.
They both stop at a Pani-puri stall and start eating...
After about 30 Pani-puris the husband gave up.
The wife was also full, but to defeat her husband, she ate one more and shouted, *"You lose."*
The bill was Rs 50/- and wife was back home and happy as she won the bet.
Moral of the Story...
*Main aim of a HR Manager is to satisfy employee with minimum investments. Winning attitude with less investment, ensuring strong Return On Investment!* 😃😜😀😄😆😅😂😝😎5 -
when there is no project I work in, I am just a lazy ass. And that's what happened this morning after I waked up.
Me: *bring me phone, enter the toilet and open devrant.
~30 minutes late~
Wife: *knock knock* are you there?
Me: oh hey, yes I am
Wife: it is devrant again?
Me: 😶3 -
Wear headphones at home office. Not because I can't play it out loud, but when you go around in Iron Maiden shirts the wife gives you a hard time about listening to J-pop.4
-
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop wrote in the search box:
"Dear Google please do not behave like my wife ... allow me to complete my sentence before you start suggesting or guessing" -
Today I wanted to start learning C.
Windows wanted to update.
We did updates.
I guess this is my wife now.5 -
Wife: What are you working on?
Me: Just adding a few things to this website. I should be done in a minute.
*two hours later*
Wife: It's late. Are you coming to bed?
Me: I'll be done in a minute...
*sigh*4 -
Jeff Bezos' wife is divorcing him.
And just like that, she's worth more than I could ever dream of being worth. Holy fuck.
30 -
My wife is complaining that am spending too much time on devRant. I just told her, am coming here only when windows is updating :p ;)1
-
My Father's day gift from my wife. 😁
Should make my application development a little more badass as I drink from it.
\m/
2 -
Wife: When will you be home? It's 6:00pm.
Husband: When my program does what I want and exits with code 0.
Wife: I'll see you tomorrow.3 -
Who is agree with this CSS, and how it could be optimized?
#wife {
right: 100%;
margin: 0;
position: fixed;
}14 -
*Anything remotely technology related has an issue
Wife : I thought you were really good at computers?
Last time this came up our coffee maker wouldn't turn on.
🤷♂️4 -
1. Success in supporting my wife for her personal goals
2. Quality time with my family, especially with my daughter
3. Maintain my current brain abilities2 -
To the people talking about boats on the other side of the cubical wall, FUCK YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR 45 MINUTES! DO YOU WORK? I HOPE YOUR BOATS ALL GET RUST. I worked 12 hours on Sunday, got 4 hours of sleep, pulling a full day, then depending on how much work I get done work all night again. RESPECT MY QUIET ZONE!!! Uncouth peasants!14
-
!rant
When something works after lots of debugging, I save REALLY hard.
My wife: what was that banging noise?
Me: :w on a mechanical keyboard.
My wife: What?
Me: Victory!1 -
So, I found this :
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks ...Troubled User
-------
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system.
(see Wife 1.0 manual, Apologize, High Maintenance & Secretary with Short Skirt)7 -
So my wife decided to study webdevelopment. As long as it is not Wordpress or any other CMS - I am happy!5
-
The wife ask her husband to run some errands..
Wife: "Honey, please go to the market and buy 1 dozen of eggs, and if they have milk, buy 2."
Husband: "Ok honey!"
After a while, the husband came back..
Husband: "Honey! Here are your 2 dozen eggs!"4 -
My wife saw me posting on Dev Rant raging about my boss, and suggested I ought to use a different user name instead of my usual one... considering he spends all day using social media I think she might be right... passed the advice on to some friends we are all now paranoid and have new accounts. <33
-
Sometimes having a family is more stressful than work... love my wife and daughter deeply but they are exhausting 😓7
-
My wife wants to name our son "Jason". I suggested "JSON" but she didn't respond code 200. She's a doctor. :-/2
-
My wife asked what "Soapy" was on my laptop. She was referring to SoapUI, but told me the U must be silent ;)
-
You realize you complain too much about shitty websites when even your wife, while surfing from her phone, begins saying "this website sucks"...1
-
Well im slowly getting there, but i still dont understand why does my wife want me to make her cam...
9 -
Skipped the night, I feel like an old person now.
15 minutes later my wife steps in, happy 56th birthday.
I feel ancient right now!9 -
Context: been coding for a year and been on react for 6months.
So im excited to talk about my achievements. Of which making buttons and menus which i share with my beloved partner.
Few months later I'm confident about my skills (that is not being a simple mortal anymore)，so i come back home and my wife kindly asks me:
“how are you today darling? Have you been succesful with your buttons today?”
.... I had to say yes.... -
11:59 -> why am i getting an invalid operation exception?
12:00 -> ...
12:01 -> why are we the only species that can question reason?2 -
At someone's wedding. Don't know anyone except my wife. She known noone except me and the bride.
/awkward
/help...9 -
Laying next to my snoring wife... My mind is running on what coding her snoring pattern would be like.2
-
-----During a 6 days official vacation with my family--------
Me: Hey boss, cozz o u, I fucked up my laptop.
Boss: how?
Me: My wife threw it outside the hotel window and I see my laptops pieces now.
....a little pause....
I would love to do more of your work while I am on vacation.(inside my head: motherfucker never ask me to do that again) Do you mind sending me about $5000 so I can buy a laptop here and continue your work?
5 -
I can repair an electronic item, write code and debug. Has a degree in CS so why do I have to ask the wife "baby, how do you operate the washing machine?"5
-
I love code but my wife comes first. My kids come first. Although I do code for gun, a lot of times my other hobbies come first.
My life comes first. Am I alone?9 -
Someday I will have a rant that gets enough ++ to get a stress ball. Until that day I will keep taking out my stress on my poor mouse. At least I hardly ever use it so it doesn't matter if I break it...
-
Sometimes you just have to kick your wife and kids out on a beautiful day so you can get some work done.4
-
Today, June 18 is my thirteenth wedding anniversary!! My wife is amazing and helps
Me keep my head on straight.12 -
Wife asleep early, getting a great dose of Battlefield, maybe I can finally finish the last bits of my app tonight! 😮
-
Nooooooooo! My wife told one of her friends that I'm a DBA. The response. "Oh. That's good to know. I've been having this problem with my cell phone." No! Why? Aughhh!
-
My wife is starting to learn how to code. Now is finally understanding when I say this function will be over when is over.
-
A non-technical colleague said she bought some bitcoin on a site over a year ago.
She doesn't remember the name of the website.4 -
I promised i'd be home at 18:00
We discovered a bug at 17:30
We need to have an output for tomorrow
The process takes so many hours so we need to fix this bug before leaving so it can run all night long.
It's 19:06
Wife is gonna get mad...3 -
the moment you get a job offer from am fortune 100 company but its in another country and you cant move because of wife and family ... :-/9
-
Today we bought my wife her first brand-new computer. And soon she's going to start learning web stack. :D
(Oops, !rant)6 -
My colleague is getting a divorce soon because Tinder thought it's a good idea not to add the "Delete" message button.
His wife is a good friend of mine. Finally a MILF I know.
Thanks Tinder.16 -
Was wondering when the stickers would come in when low and behold, my wife and I were packing up for a move and the stickers were just there in my sock/underwear drawer...
Confused as all hell I ask my wife, "Did you put these here?"
Turns out the letter arrived ages ago and she wanted to surprise me by opening it up and hide the stickers!
I mostly wear sandals so I had no need for socks and never moved them around to find the stickers underneath...
So here they are and thank you @dfox and @trogus for making this awesome community!!!
6 -
When your wife doesn't understand the concept of working remotely and keeps asking you to put up flat pack that has been in the corner for a few days because you really don't want to put it up. Just because I am sat on the sofa with my laptop on my lap watch the whole series of west world does not mean I am not working. Working from your own house makes you lose your alpha male role pretty quickly when they realise what you really do. Perhaps I should put up the flat pack knock down a wall or something have a break from socket.io!8
-
Today JetBrain is discount 50%.
Spent $44.5 on PhpStorm, without telling my wife first. Sorry, I can't resist to buy it. 😫9 -
!rant
Devrant really goes against the movie techie stereotype. Almost everyone has a girlfriend or wife and family!!!8 -
Just took back over my desk shared with my partner, Ukrainian tchotchkes are hers, raspberry pi and The Good Wife playing on the iPad are mine 😂
3 -
Taught myself to code in the wee hours while my wife and son slept after working and finishing my actual collegiate schoolwork. I continue to learn daily and the process is pretty much the same, minus the schoolwork.
-
Guess who just taught his wife how to commit, push, some command lines, and how to exit vim?
Also, I had to teach her over FB messenger.4 -
Today I explained to my wife why my night stand is a mess, and hers is clean and ordered by using the backend/frontend metaphor.
I am the backend, handling bills, bank accounts, taxes, warranties and all the paperwork.
She is my frontend, handling my social interactions.
Now she hates me, but she admitted I'm right.
She still want me to clean my night stand though.4 -
I am having a real brutal cold, but I will go to work tomorrow anyway because wife is angry about stuff I dont know1
-
Got married. Best day of my life. Woke up the next morning to my wife on one side and a fuck load of messages from my boss asking me to fix shit. Quit shortly thereafter.
2 -
My wife told her boss that her husband is a software engineer.
And her boss asked.."Is he a foreigner from India?!"
Lol..4 -
Bought my wife a new laptop. I admire her patience when it comes to opening new things. It is not a quality I possess3
-
Wife called
Wife: hello love, I will send you item number from online store, plz buy it for me.Bye
Me: minimize IDE and bring up firefox
Me: ok, let do this....!!!
WTF
7 -
When you find an extremely cool SQL query online but instead of returning the high-five your wife turns around and walks away, shaking her head mumbling1
-
my wife got in contact over my website because of the content. the pen friendship escalated quickly. does that count?1
-
Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".
Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"1 -
In the zone coding... oh what's this? A text from the wife? Apparently now's the time to resolve last night's fight.2
-
For some reason my wife was watching me reading away at devrant and then says:
Wife: You are missing your protection!
Me: ehh what ....
Wife: Let me fix that.
Then she comes back with a ... wait for it ... green yellow striped glitter apple sticker for my webcam.
I don't know if I should be proud of my wife or ashamed of myself for not a replacement yet.9 -
My wife asked me if I get bored reading and writing "in code" all day, when I could just read and write normal English.3
-
@localhost, my desk. Also where I eat dinner, sometimes with my wife too. As you can see, my old Pro is displaying a perfect visual representation of what is happening to my soul. 😏
5 -
Panic. 😟
I received two emails today inviting me for video call interviews at two companies I applied to.
I am supposed to select a date for this week or next week, but our office resumes work on Monday, the 7th.
I only have tomorrow and the day after (3rd and 4th) left for this week. I need time to prepare, so I am thinking of booking one for 4th and one for next week.
BUT
I am trying not to start the year by skipping work. I already skipped work in December because of a brief illness (lol).
I am thinking, if I go to work on that day, I might get summoned into a meeting and miss my interview. So, I have concluded that I will have to skip work on that day, but now I can't think of excuses.
Ideas? 🤔13 -
Need to get a good job working remote so that I can move to Guatemala with my wife and have an adventure while we're still young1
-
Not a rant, just another story about me and the man I'm gonna wife.
We both have an upcoming job interview, and I was just talking about how at our previous internship I was using python to automate some tedious tasks for me.
Me: it's like a general thing, right, to just automate things you don't really want to do
...
Me: like breathing, and waking up, ya know? I don't wanna do that shit
Him: it kind of already is automated.
Me: *three years of wasted time at med school come tumbling back in to my brain, suddenly recalling the brainstem*
Me: oh, yeah.1 -
God bless.. wife is going to drive me around today with her new Tesla Model X P90D.. I'm genuinely terrified of her driving style lol.3
-
When I was younger my mom would tell me to clean the soda cans off my desk. Now my wife tells me to clean the beer cans off my desk. It nice to have a beer when late night programming :)
-
devRant and google. And amazon. And the internet in general. And my wife. And my 2 month old son.
It's a wonder I ever get anything done... -
Trying to troubleshoot this busted ass code for a client. Meanwhile, my wife is in class and my two daughters are blowing chunks.
Staring at devRant isn't fixing anything either. Lol -
My wife says to me we need a new car..
Im sitting here trying to decide what I need more a car or a new computer.
Decisions, decision..7 -
Wife started to remind my of features required for next deploy. Pushes me and motivates. At this point I am afraid to use my whiteboard I use for quick tasks and feedback notes
-
5am zzzZzZz, first day in 3 weeks summer holiday, wife is snoring so why not get up and get some coding done :-)4
-
Wife asks me to peel potatoes. I know I am expected to peel potatoes AND carrots but I don't operate by that logic and if I did I would feel dirty inside
-
I'd rather be writing some logic and magic than sitting at a babies 1st birthday party. Damnit wife I want out!4
-
For me mobile means devrant or hacker news.
What's app - hardly twice or thrice a day to talk to my wife.2 -
my wife and I where talking about the new Star Wars movie and she starts talking about how Star Wars needs mor Jar Jar, and how lovable he is.
The big problem is that I know she is serious.2 -
It's not an easy task to explain to your wife, why you need a new laptop... even if the current one has an 1.4 dual core amd APU (passmark rating: ~870) and only 4GB ram.3
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I have taken a break from computer to spend it with my wife and daughter. We are the O2 watching Frozen on ice. Times like these make you a better father, husband and dev
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Seriously! My wife is a fucking NFA!
She can be in several states at the same time.
She knows what I'm thinking before I do.
She sometimes get stuck and then immediately returns to an accepting state.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!2 -
So turns out I am making a blog about my attempt to make a Facebook but not clone for my wife and her friend. Any blog naming ideas? I am thinking "Facebook but Different" haha. The idea would not be sharing direct code, but more of a devlog and coding choices(as a backend dev, I am sure the front end choices will be perfect and Superior to all front end developers' choices 😁😁)3
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I've realised that I should probably get another desk at home if I want my productivity back. It's small, rickety AF and my wife keeps putting crap on it. Any other tips for keeping productivity up @ home?8
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Python is my wife, Elixir is my sexy girlfriend. While I love my life, the gf presents me what my wife cant. ReactJs/Rxjs is a lovely classic porn. The question is: what the fuck devRant is here???6
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when i brought the vive home the wife was all, meah😒, at first then, 😲 oh my goodness this is the halo deck, our future is an empty room with vr goggles.
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The wife, the dog, the commute, the chatty colleagues, the phones, the cars, the peoplethe keyboardthecommentsthefunctionsthebadlywrittenvariablestheinternetfacebookreddittwitterlinkedinblogsdesginsrslyauotshlmtscsjvaarcstipaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa devrant1
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TFW the wife calls asking about her website being down, and you realize Amazon S3 is having trouble.1
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!rant
In the past two hours my wife has painted half of our garage.
Visual studio started installing before that. For fuck sake what is taking so long!!!!!!????!!5 -
For me coding is a huge part of my mindset. I could be having a conversation with a gf and be debugging an issue in my head. I could wake up in the middle of the night and start coding an idea I had just thought of. Especially if I'm working on something I'm too excited about, I will work hours, days straight and not make time for much else. So I've phased through quite a few relationships this way (especially with normies) 🤷♂️ I almost feel like I'd have to be with someone as obsessed as I am for things to work out lol
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Windows 10 , I just want a flipping built in command line executable to log off another (local) user. I'm not a server, I don't have active directory, I don't want to switch to log in as that user first, i want to just kill their inactive local session because cisco freaking vpn doesn't allow you to connect when a other user is logged in. I can kill the session from admin task manager, I just want to be in the commandline. If your gonna let software check the number of logged in users, let the freaking administration modify the number of logged in users with a cli.
Idk if I could turn it off an on again. On a server I would just issue "query sessions" or "query users" followed by "logoff ##". Why not let me do the same damn thing on my home computer sk I don't have to restart MY SESSION just to close MY WIFE'S session. You stupid fraking company that cannot provide consistent command line programs across various systems. SCREW YOU MICROSOFT AND YOUR UTTER ASANINE DECISION MAKING REGARDING WHAT FEATURES TO INCLUDE IN WHAT BUILDS.2 -
Still wondering what it says about me when I tell my wife it was a good day because no one emailed or pinged me 😁1
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Self Study of new technology while the task is already running and the deadline is tomorrow in a cold office.
"When you find your why, you find a way to make it happen!" - ET 💪 -
Whenever my wife applies occam's razor to my problem solving or pointedly remarks "you update it, you fix it...mr. penguin"3
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Do you know why programmers have wife and also girlfriend? Wife thinks he is with girlfriend, girlfriend thinks he is with wife and he can calmly programming. :D
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Wife: Honey go buy 2 bottles of milk and if there are eggs bring 12.
Programmer husband: * comes home with 12 bottles of milk -
So who are battered husbands here like me but doesn't fight or hit back because he loves his wife so much?26
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Politely suggested the wife should take the car today to run errands and I'd take public transport to work today.
Hopefully the only regret I'll make today.2 -
Asked Siri to "call my wife" but did it in an accent that obviously made it sound like "call _me_ wife".1
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!Rant
TL;DR - Getting married can lead to installing life malware.
MARRIAGE SOFTWARE....
A young husband wrote this to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Div);
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and "Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
.... The Systems Analyst replied:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See Manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 6.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 10.0" or "even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.
BEST WISHES!
Yours,"
Systems Analyst.
-----------------------------------------------
I'm not sure if this is a repost - if it is I apologise, but it's too good not to share.1 -
When you've got a night of fun planned with the wife (😉) and a major client emergency happens that needs your attention. Bleh/Sigh1
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Does you all prefer lots of commotion when you work?
Or do you prefer silence?
(I prefer full sensory deprivation, my wife has the TV blaring. Very interesting mix when we both work from home)6 -
Old,but gold programmer joke
Wife asks her programmer husband to go and buy some things from a shop.
Wife: Go and buy 1 carton of milk,if they have eggs in the shop - bring 6.
Programmer comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
Wife: Why you bought 6 cartons of milk?
Programmer: Because they had eggs.1 -
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis,” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”
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Not on the topic of development-
My wife now punishes me by taking things I like out of my diet....rude2 -
[googling devRanters before wasting time with Google]
Any of you does know of a cooking app/service where you can input the food that you have, the tools that you have and get back the recipes ordered by, for example, time-to-cook, the cooking difficulty and tastiness (the last one defined as how much of flavoured is the final meal)?15 -
Worst part of being a dev?
Tried to explain to das and family what I do and until now, no success!
Not even my wife understands!
And, according to my father in law, I work with "internet". -
use 'Drillan767/last/rants';
PhantomJS is love
PhantomJS is life
I don't care if it's slow
Would you be my wife -
A programmer goes out to get some dry cleaning. His wife told him, "While you're out, pick up some milk"
He never came home -
That moment when you are scrolling DevRant and your wife just doesn't shut the f up and your are raging inside but you love her and are as calm as Dalai Lama on the outside.
Yes love, of course (Just let me read !!! wtf!!!) 😂😂😂😂3 -
In the summer, at the bus stop full of nice girls, I catch very often the IRQ due to my nature. So - the God invented a mechanism called wife - a special, agressive type of Watchdog...
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About to rewrite a module of our in house ERP app written in access as a web app to demonstrate to management that access is in the past. Fingers crossed this goes to plan managed to wangle this with the wife(thank god she believes in me)
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Door bell rings. I check the window, see johovah witnesses, I shut the curtain and walk away.
Wife: Did they see you?
Me: I don't think so.
Wife: huh?
Me: I was invisible. I put on my Harry Potter invisibility cloak.1 -
It's sad... but, when I'm upset with my wife, I get a lot of things done in my projects.
Does this only happen to me?1 -
Besides my wife accusing me of talking to other women, nope. But that's probably a result of a quote from a movie that i feel is true "I'm married to my work, my wife is my mistress, that way I'll love her forever"1
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Wife: What did you do at work today?
Me: Ran back and forth in the office to hear about bugs...
Wife: ...?
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