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Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!
30 -
Installed Linux on an old windows laptop. This is my conversation 5 minutes ago...
Wife: "Have how you got internet?"
Me: "What do you mean, it has a wireless adapter built in?"
Wife: "But it's not Windows?"
WTF!!!
Me: "Pass my phone, this is going on devRant"
Wife: "Please no, not again"25 -
My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.
I think I married an adrenaline junkie.12 -
Wife: what are you thinking about?
Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree
Wife: forget that I asked5 -
(\____/)
( ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)
\╭☞ \╭☞
week 119
@dfox way to convince people for clean their desk
I hope everyone's wife / mom is feeling proud.
ʘ‿ʘ8 -
Me using the Siri app on my iPhone:
Me: "Siri, call my wife."
Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts."
Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife."
Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife."
Me: "Call my wife."
Siri: "Which wife?"6 -
My wife is turning into my project manager . . .
Me : Check out this game I'm building as a side project!
Wife : Wow that's really neat! I expect to be able to play it on my phone. 1 month?
Me: What? I haven't even learned how to port ...
Wife : (interrupts) ONE MONTH
Scope creep even at home *sigh13 -
!rant
My wife just had our first child today. I guess I'll have to share my rubber duck from now on.11 -
git blame
git fired
git depression
git divorce
git homeless
git commit
git job
git house
git wife --better
exit11 -
@Devintrix , congrats and happy lifes with your wife. this joke is for you :)
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Monday Night football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.
Can you help me please?
Thanks,
Joe
——————————————————–
Dear Joe:
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.
It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Jewelry 2.2, and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support11 -
My wife = Best wife
Her: Is that the motherboard and CPU you wanted?
Me: Yes, you get alot of power for the money (Ryzen 7 1800)
Her: Alright, you should order thoose things next week if they are not on sale this friday33 -
Have to share some pillow talk with the wife last night - somehow got onto the subject of washing machines. Mentioned that most washing machines run on something like Java, she disagreed and said they run on buttons. BUTTONS!!
Told her I would be putting this on devrant.7 -
*Sits down at restaurant*
*orders food*
Me: opens devRant
Wife: "You're always on your phone. You're supposed to pay attention to me."
Me: puts phone down. "What would you like to talk about?"
Wife: "...I don't know"
*sits in silence for a minute*
Me: opens devRant10 -
"The school tech asked me for my MAC address on my phone, but I told them I didn't have one because my phone is Android and Macs only have MAC addresses, right?"
-my wife8 -
I was talking to my wife about devRant tonight, and that at 20 +'s you get a sticker, and at 300 your get a stress ball, and she said : "Yes you already told me... I guess at 1000 +'s they'll give you a wife".
Ermm...6 -
Wife : School tooday ?
Me: Nop... Remote working ! 😎😁
Love programming
Wife : But how people know you working.
Me : git commit -a -m "im working on it" && git push
Wife : ohh never mind have a good day !
Me : you too17 -
Wife - my site is not working, everything in the code looks correct. But it is only throwing me 404 all over
Me - "blaming the teacher for giving bad shit"
Wife after googling - I fixed it, you have forgot to enable .htaccess in the virtualhost
FFS how long have I been this stupid?12 -
While working from home, my wife overlooked my work Slack chat.
She saw me typing "can you ssh?" and told me "that's a bit rude".
She understood it as "can you shush?".4 -
Wife: commit, and come to bed..
Me:
> git commit -m "wife wants me to go to bed"
> git push origin master -f16 -
About 11 months I posted that my wife was pregnant. I now have upgraded to son 1.0. All without writing any tests!14
-
My wife asked me to give her some cash.
I asked how many bytes!
I'm staring at divorce papers now.8 -
!rant
Working at home this Saturday. My wife made coffee, some toasted bread and is leaving me quiet in my corner. She's the best!
10 -
Wife: It's Two AM. Why are you still on the computer?
Me: I have to get this API done by tomorrow.
Wife: WHO IS SHE?1 -
Thursday: Hey wife…. I finished my project and tomorrow I should have a very easy day, just watching Slack.
Friday: Database— corrupted bin logs, major production outages.
Wife: 😡I can never believe you when you say you’ll have an easy day.3 -
*At an outdoor birthday party*
Wife: Hey, there's a bug on the cake!
Me: Strange... I don't remember baking that cake...
Other guests: -_- -
Turned 31 yesterday and the wife surprised with these awesome hand painted rubber duckies of some of my fav characters 😁
7 -
Wife: "How hard is to make a phone app?"
Me: "Depends on what it is, why?"
Wife: "I had an idea for a cool app that does blah blah blah"
Me: "That actually sounds like a cool app. Let's brainstorm tonight and come up with a plan and see if we need to hire some freelance devs for it"
Wife: "Cool, I also want to make an app to blahblah2, oh and one to blahblah3.. oh hmm what about.."
<facepalm>4 -
This morning I WILL code! I WILL finish that multimillion pound idea!! I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!.....then wife and baby wake up 😣6
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Woke up 2hours before wife n daughter usually awake so I can code!.....daughter wakes up 10mins later 😑7
-
Man: Hey Google, tell my wife that I cant make for the dinner with her parents.
Google Assistant: Okay, will do.
After sometime...
Google Assistant: Next time, you talk to your wife yourself...1 -
My wife: Oh, hacking is so cool. Can you show me?
Me: Sure. So there I needed to upload the php file, while my netcat was sitting here in the terminal waiting for incoming...
My wife: Boring, BORING.
Me: ....
(At least my 5yr son appreciates the terminal more than she: typing 'sl' or watching star wars in ASCII art.)5 -
when there is no project I work in, I am just a lazy ass. And that's what happened this morning after I waked up.
Me: *bring me phone, enter the toilet and open devrant.
~30 minutes late~
Wife: *knock knock* are you there?
Me: oh hey, yes I am
Wife: it is devrant again?
Me: 😶2 -
Wife - Lets go for a dinner tonight.
Husband (HR Manager) - Ok.
Husband - Should we go to a cheaper restaurant ?
Wife - No. Let's go to Royal Palace hotel.
Husband - (silence for a minute) - Ok, See you at 7.O 'Clock.
On the way, around 6.30 pm...
Husband - Once upon a time, I had pani puri competition with my sister and she ate 30 pani-puris(Search in Google, It is the most delicious chat) and defeated me.
Wife - What's so difficult in it?
Husband - Defeating me in Pani-puri eating competition is so difficult.
Wife - I can easily beat you.
Husband - Please leave it. It's not your cup of tea.
Wife - Let us have that competition right now.
Husband - So you want to see yourself defeated?
Wife - Let's see.
They both stop at a Pani-puri stall and start eating...
After about 30 Pani-puris the husband gave up.
The wife was also full, but to defeat her husband, she ate one more and shouted, *"You lose."*
The bill was Rs 50/- and wife was back home and happy as she won the bet.
Moral of the Story...
*Main aim of a HR Manager is to satisfy employee with minimum investments. Winning attitude with less investment, ensuring strong Return On Investment!* 😃😜😀😄😆😅😂😝😎5 -
My wife is neither a programmer nor she understands code but I love her more when she puts snacks in my mouth herself because my hands are too busy on the keyboard.5
-
Wife: What are you working on?
Me: Just adding a few things to this website. I should be done in a minute.
*two hours later*
Wife: It's late. Are you coming to bed?
Me: I'll be done in a minute...
*sigh*4 -
Today I wanted to start learning C.
Windows wanted to update.
We did updates.
I guess this is my wife now.4 -
Jeff Bezos' wife is divorcing him.
And just like that, she's worth more than I could ever dream of being worth. Holy fuck.
25 -
My Father's day gift from my wife. 😁
Should make my application development a little more badass as I drink from it.
\m/
2 -
Who is agree with this CSS, and how it could be optimized?
#wife {
right: 100%;
margin: 0;
position: fixed;
}13 -
Wife: When will you be home? It's 6:00pm.
Husband: When my program does what I want and exits with code 0.
Wife: I'll see you tomorrow.3 -
Ok so I'm trying to focus on reading docs on a game engine to do some game dev
And wife busy disturbing
wife: come do this for me
wife: come sit with me
wife: come talk to me
wife: come massage me
wife: come do this to me
Its like a stream of endless error messages12 -
So my wife decided to study webdevelopment. As long as it is not Wordpress or any other CMS - I am happy!4
-
!rant
When something works after lots of debugging, I save REALLY hard.
My wife: what was that banging noise?
Me: :w on a mechanical keyboard.
My wife: What?
Me: Victory!1 -
My wife saw me posting on Dev Rant raging about my boss, and suggested I ought to use a different user name instead of my usual one... considering he spends all day using social media I think she might be right... passed the advice on to some friends we are all now paranoid and have new accounts. <32
-
Tips for staying focused while wfh?
Telling the wife to stay away. At least twice a day I was sexually harassed. I can't go into details because I'm still traumatized.
If my daughter wasn't home schooled, I'm sure I would have been forced to um...uh...you know...while I was supposed to be working.
Wife: "Honey, quick, kill this spider!!"
<I run into the bedroom>
Me: "Where is the spi...why are you in the bed? No...no...NOOOOO!! I'm reporting you to HR!"
Wife: "Ha!..when you're working from home...I'm HR."12 -
The wife ask her husband to run some errands..
Wife: "Honey, please go to the market and buy 1 dozen of eggs, and if they have milk, buy 2."
Husband: "Ok honey!"
After a while, the husband came back..
Husband: "Honey! Here are your 2 dozen eggs!"4 -
My wife wants to name our son "Jason". I suggested "JSON" but she didn't respond code 200. She's a doctor. :-/2
-
Our boss has a camera in the office to "monitor" us, the developers.
He tries to monitor our movements and record the things we say.
I'm curious, do other people do this?
I find it annoying.23 -
So, I found this :
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks ...Troubled User
-------
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system.
(see Wife 1.0 manual, Apologize, High Maintenance & Secretary with Short Skirt)7 -
So one day I come home from work and my wife meets me with a pack of these little tux-fellows!
Do I have the best wife or what!!!
12 -
My wife asked what "Soapy" was on my laptop. She was referring to SoapUI, but told me the U must be silent ;)
-
Sometimes having a family is more stressful than work... love my wife and daughter deeply but they are exhausting 😓7
-
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.2 -
Today, June 18 is my thirteenth wedding anniversary!! My wife is amazing and helps
Me keep my head on straight.9 -
You realize you complain too much about shitty websites when even your wife, while surfing from her phone, begins saying "this website sucks"...1
-
This had me laughing out loud this morning, my wife just looked at me funny as I tried to explain it to her.
2 -
Well im slowly getting there, but i still dont understand why does my wife want me to make her cam...
8 -
Context: been coding for a year and been on react for 6months.
So im excited to talk about my achievements. Of which making buttons and menus which i share with my beloved partner.
Few months later I'm confident about my skills (that is not being a simple mortal anymore)，so i come back home and my wife kindly asks me:
“how are you today darling? Have you been succesful with your buttons today?”
.... I had to say yes.... -
Laying next to my snoring wife... My mind is running on what coding her snoring pattern would be like.2
-
-----During a 6 days official vacation with my family--------
Me: Hey boss, cozz o u, I fucked up my laptop.
Boss: how?
Me: My wife threw it outside the hotel window and I see my laptops pieces now.
....a little pause....
I would love to do more of your work while I am on vacation.(inside my head: motherfucker never ask me to do that again) Do you mind sending me about $5000 so I can buy a laptop here and continue your work?
5 -
A shop donated this make up sample to my wife.
The container now is on my pc: the slogan is Immortal reset.
3 -
My wife has a colleague that has recently starting to use copilot and "AI" at work.
Wife said, that her code has been utter shit the last months because of it.
Nothing works.11 -
I can repair an electronic item, write code and debug. Has a degree in CS so why do I have to ask the wife "baby, how do you operate the washing machine?"5
-
At someone's wedding. Don't know anyone except my wife. She known noone except me and the bride.
/awkward
/help...5 -
A non-technical colleague said she bought some bitcoin on a site over a year ago.
She doesn't remember the name of the website.4 -
Wife asleep early, getting a great dose of Battlefield, maybe I can finally finish the last bits of my app tonight! 😮
-
Sometimes you just have to kick your wife and kids out on a beautiful day so you can get some work done.4
-
Spent 4 hours trying to fix a problem which fixed in just 4 lines of code.
My wife feels sorry for me.5 -
First and foremost: do more to show my wife that I love and appreciate her. Not dev but damned important.
Write my own web version of the taskwarrior client.
Run a 5K in June with my wife.5 -
Can you guess where the form fields are?
It's the grey area.
Not, not that one, the other grey area.
2 -
Was wondering when the stickers would come in when low and behold, my wife and I were packing up for a move and the stickers were just there in my sock/underwear drawer...
Confused as all hell I ask my wife, "Did you put these here?"
Turns out the letter arrived ages ago and she wanted to surprise me by opening it up and hide the stickers!
I mostly wear sandals so I had no need for socks and never moved them around to find the stickers underneath...
So here they are and thank you @dfox and @trogus for making this awesome community!!!
6 -
Today we bought my wife her first brand-new computer. And soon she's going to start learning web stack. :D
(Oops, !rant)5 -
Question: Why did the DataBase Administrator divorce his wife?
.
.
.
.
Answer: She had "one-too-many" relations6 -
!rant
Devrant really goes against the movie techie stereotype. Almost everyone has a girlfriend or wife and family!!!8 -
I promised i'd be home at 18:00
We discovered a bug at 17:30
We need to have an output for tomorrow
The process takes so many hours so we need to fix this bug before leaving so it can run all night long.
It's 19:06
Wife is gonna get mad...3 -
My wife is starting to learn how to code. Now is finally understanding when I say this function will be over when is over.
-
Step #1) Teach Alexa to respond to "When is Memorial day" with an incorrect date in the future
Step #2) Ask Alexa, next to your wife.
Step #3) See how long you can keep your wife going on "the government moved Memorial Day due to Coronavirus" before she realizes your just a prankster.1 -
Wife called
Wife: hello love, I will send you item number from online store, plz buy it for me.Bye
Me: minimize IDE and bring up firefox
Me: ok, let do this....!!!
WTF
7 -
When your wife doesn't understand the concept of working remotely and keeps asking you to put up flat pack that has been in the corner for a few days because you really don't want to put it up. Just because I am sat on the sofa with my laptop on my lap watch the whole series of west world does not mean I am not working. Working from your own house makes you lose your alpha male role pretty quickly when they realise what you really do. Perhaps I should put up the flat pack knock down a wall or something have a break from socket.io!8
-
Today I explained to my wife why my night stand is a mess, and hers is clean and ordered by using the backend/frontend metaphor.
I am the backend, handling bills, bank accounts, taxes, warranties and all the paperwork.
She is my frontend, handling my social interactions.
Now she hates me, but she admitted I'm right.
She still want me to clean my night stand though.4 -
My wife told her boss that her husband is a software engineer.
And her boss asked.."Is he a foreigner from India?!"
Lol..4 -
Today JetBrain is discount 50%.
Spent $44.5 on PhpStorm, without telling my wife first. Sorry, I can't resist to buy it. 😫6 -
A local employer is getting desperate in my area I think. My wife owns a business and talks to people from all sorts of backgrounds. Today a hiring manager that employs software engineers talked to my wife. My wife mentioned that I write software. They now want to talk to me. I have seen their adverts and thought about applying. Pretty sure they will pay a lot more than my current employer.
I think the universe might be telling me something.2 -
A medical doctor, a lawyer and a programmer debate whether it's best to have a wife or a girlfriend.
"Easy", the lawyer starts, "a girlfriend comes without any legal obligation, you can have a lot of fun together but when you get enough of her, you can just leave her without any trouble"
The physician objects: "That can only come from a man who never truly loved a woman. Your wife is not just someone who you have fun with, she is you bastion of calm, your ever-loyal partner, the completition yourself. Clearly, having a wife is better"
Both now look at the programmer who remained silent throughout the debate.
He cleans his throat and than says: "Both. You need both. You can tell you wife you're with your girlfriend and you can tell your girlfriend you are with your wife. And then, you can finally code in peace.2 -
my wife got in contact over my website because of the content. the pen friendship escalated quickly. does that count?1
-
Day 5 in quarantine: I miss my fuckin pig ignorant arrogant toxic motherfucker boss and coworkers ! I learned to deal with those motherfucker everyday for 7 Years.
Ps: 10 years ago I loved my wife. 😥4 -
For some reason my wife was watching me reading away at devrant and then says:
Wife: You are missing your protection!
Me: ehh what ....
Wife: Let me fix that.
Then she comes back with a ... wait for it ... green yellow striped glitter apple sticker for my webcam.
I don't know if I should be proud of my wife or ashamed of myself for not a replacement yet.9 -
I'm shopping with my wife and all the POS systems are ugly and inefficient.
It provoques to sell them a new software5 -
Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".
Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"1 -
I am really considering teaching my wife how to code just so she can understand my rants better
I feel like the gravity of my ranting is not communicated well enough without programming context12 -
In the zone coding... oh what's this? A text from the wife? Apparently now's the time to resolve last night's fight.2
-
Since the last Windows Update broke my wife's laptop (the WiFi driver doesn't woro anymore) she's moving to Linux. I hope it goes well since she is a non-techi. I kinda am excited.
The biggest problem will be the lack of Adobe Illustrator. 😕14 -
My wife asked me if I get bored reading and writing "in code" all day, when I could just read and write normal English.3
-
Wife started to remind my of features required for next deploy. Pushes me and motivates. At this point I am afraid to use my whiteboard I use for quick tasks and feedback notes
-
Panic. 😟
I received two emails today inviting me for video call interviews at two companies I applied to.
I am supposed to select a date for this week or next week, but our office resumes work on Monday, the 7th.
I only have tomorrow and the day after (3rd and 4th) left for this week. I need time to prepare, so I am thinking of booking one for 4th and one for next week.
BUT
I am trying not to start the year by skipping work. I already skipped work in December because of a brief illness (lol).
I am thinking, if I go to work on that day, I might get summoned into a meeting and miss my interview. So, I have concluded that I will have to skip work on that day, but now I can't think of excuses.
Ideas? 🤔12 -
5am zzzZzZz, first day in 3 weeks summer holiday, wife is snoring so why not get up and get some coding done :-)4
-
I'd rather be writing some logic and magic than sitting at a babies 1st birthday party. Damnit wife I want out!4
-
My bash history today:
man column
🤦♂️ I suppose if the wife is curious about what I do all day, she’s likely not going to search my terminal history 😂4 -
It's not an easy task to explain to your wife, why you need a new laptop... even if the current one has an 1.4 dual core amd APU (passmark rating: ~870) and only 4GB ram.3
-
This is not a happy rant...
Got a new well paying job. Moving up in life. But my wife is not in the same place... She had quite a few career struggles and just lost her current job... It wasn't even a job she went to school for, just whatever she could find...
Now she's getting quite depressed. Luckily she's not envious at me, but does keep saying how lucky she is to have me.
I really want to help her somehow, but this is really a thing I just don't know how... And it just looks like she's not handling it too well. Joking about suicide and crying about being useless... She also keeps saying that all she can do now is be a housewife. We did seek out help for her. But still... I really want to give her better support. I feel useless here.18 -
#devrant , you really need to do something about it . The GitHub account is literally named "cheating wife"
https://devrant.com/rants/4336831/...
53 -
So turns out I am making a blog about my attempt to make a Facebook but not clone for my wife and her friend. Any blog naming ideas? I am thinking "Facebook but Different" haha. The idea would not be sharing direct code, but more of a devlog and coding choices(as a backend dev, I am sure the front end choices will be perfect and Superior to all front end developers' choices 😁😁)3
-
Brand new day, time to have a new mindset.
I need to finish the big project for the big boss, and fix things with my wife. Wish me luck fellas
Thinking of shaving my beard to remind my wife of when we first met so she will be tricked into loving me for the time being.4 -
Seriously! My wife is a fucking NFA!
She can be in several states at the same time.
She knows what I'm thinking before I do.
She sometimes get stuck and then immediately returns to an accepting state.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!2 -
For me mobile means devrant or hacker news.
What's app - hardly twice or thrice a day to talk to my wife.2 -
I AM SO ANGRY! Today my job fired me for the stupidest reason!! A while back I lost my job a (non-important) client for having an "overactive temper" so my boss made me begin taking VRTAM (or virtual reality therapy for Anger Management). Well I attended the first couple things but decided to stop because they were definitely stealing my information. I don't know what sketchy website they found for that but as a dev I can tell when they are taking my personal information. Also there's no way it works I attended a couple sessions and nothing helped because I DONT HAVE ANGER ISSUES!!! Anyway my job found out I had been skipping them and when they confronted me they avoided my concerns and just fired me... Haven't told my wife yet, she's going to be so mad.8
-
Do you know why programmers have wife and also girlfriend? Wife thinks he is with girlfriend, girlfriend thinks he is with wife and he can calmly programming. :D
-
TFW the wife calls asking about her website being down, and you realize Amazon S3 is having trouble.1
-
There's this song on radio going like "Can't make a wife out of a hoe" and it reminded me of Google Chrome. 😐8
-
Python is my wife, Elixir is my sexy girlfriend. While I love my life, the gf presents me what my wife cant. ReactJs/Rxjs is a lovely classic porn. The question is: what the fuck devRant is here???6
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The wife, the dog, the commute, the chatty colleagues, the phones, the cars, the peoplethe keyboardthecommentsthefunctionsthebadlywrittenvariablestheinternetfacebookreddittwitterlinkedinblogsdesginsrslyauotshlmtscsjvaarcstipaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa devrant1
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So who are battered husbands here like me but doesn't fight or hit back because he loves his wife so much?13
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Old,but gold programmer joke
Wife asks her programmer husband to go and buy some things from a shop.
Wife: Go and buy 1 carton of milk,if they have eggs in the shop - bring 6.
Programmer comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
Wife: Why you bought 6 cartons of milk?
Programmer: Because they had eggs.1 -
Whenever my wife applies occam's razor to my problem solving or pointedly remarks "you update it, you fix it...mr. penguin"3
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Not on the topic of development-
My wife now punishes me by taking things I like out of my diet....rude2 -
So I texted my wife a picture of me winking and smiling.
I annotated the photo with: "Proverbs 16:30"3 -
Asked Siri to "call my wife" but did it in an accent that obviously made it sound like "call _me_ wife".1
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!Rant
TL;DR - Getting married can lead to installing life malware.
MARRIAGE SOFTWARE....
A young husband wrote this to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Div);
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and "Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
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I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
.... The Systems Analyst replied:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See Manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 6.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 10.0" or "even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.
BEST WISHES!
Yours,"
Systems Analyst.
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I'm not sure if this is a repost - if it is I apologise, but it's too good not to share.1 -
Programmers logic:
Wife says to her husband to grab a loaf of bread, if they have eggs then grab half a dozen.
Husband goes out and comes back with half a dozen loaves of bread. The wife is fuming and asked why he'd bought so many. His reply "they had eggs?"1 -
A programmer goes out to get some dry cleaning. His wife told him, "While you're out, pick up some milk"
He never came home -
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis,” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”
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use 'Drillan767/last/rants';
PhantomJS is love
PhantomJS is life
I don't care if it's slow
Would you be my wife -
When I do programming work from home, I put up a picture of my wife on my secondary screen.
I mean my imaginary wife cause I got no real wife.
Upvote if you agree 👌7 -
That moment when you are scrolling DevRant and your wife just doesn't shut the f up and your are raging inside but you love her and are as calm as Dalai Lama on the outside.
Yes love, of course (Just let me read !!! wtf!!!) 😂😂😂😂3 -
Besides my wife accusing me of talking to other women, nope. But that's probably a result of a quote from a movie that i feel is true "I'm married to my work, my wife is my mistress, that way I'll love her forever"1
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About to rewrite a module of our in house ERP app written in access as a web app to demonstrate to management that access is in the past. Fingers crossed this goes to plan managed to wangle this with the wife(thank god she believes in me)
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Wife: What did you do at work today?
Me: Ran back and forth in the office to hear about bugs...
Wife: ...?
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