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Good Morning!, its time for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!
Todays contestant is a very special one.
*sitcom audience: WHY?*
Glad you asked, you see if you were to look at his linkedin profile, you would see a job title unlike any you've seen before.
*sitcom audience oooooooohhhhhh*
were not talking software developer, engineer, tech lead, designer, CTO, CEO or anything like that, No No our new entrant "G" surpasses all of those with the title ..... "Software extraordinaire".
*sitcom audience laughs hysterically*
I KNOW!, wtf does that even mean! as a previous dev-ranter pointed out does this mean he IS quality code? I'd say he's more like a trash can ... where his code belongs
*ba dum tsssss*
Ok ok, lets get on with the show, heres some reasons why "G" is on the show:
One of G's tasks was to build an analytics gathering library for iOS, similar to google analytics where you track pages and events (we couldn't use google's). G was SO good at this job he implemented 2 features we didn't even ask for:
- If the library was unable to load its config file (for any reason) it would throw an uncatchable system integrity error, crashing the app.
- If anything was passed into any of the functions that wasn't expected (null, empty array etc.) it would crash the app as it was "more efficient" to not do any sanity checks inside the library.
This caused a lot of issues as some of the data needed to come from the clients server. The day we launched the app, within the first 3 hours we had over 40k crash logs and a VERY angry client.
Now, what makes this story important is not the bugs themselves, come on how many times have we all done something stupid? No the issue here was G defended all of this as the right thing to do!
.. and no he wasn't stoned or drunk!
G claimed if he couldn't get the right settings / params he wouldn't be able to track the event and then our CEO wouldn't have our usage data. To which I replied:
"So your solution was to not give the client an app instead? ... which also doesn't give the CEO his data".
He got very angry and asked me "what would you do then?". I offered a solution something like why not have a default tag for "error" or "unknown" where if theres an issue, we send up whatever we have, plus the file name and store it somewhere else. I was told I was being ridiculous as it wasn't built to track anything like that and that would never work ... his solution? ... pull the library out of the app and forget it.
... once again giving everyone no data.
G later moved onto another cross-platform style project. Backend team were particularly unhappy as they got no spec of what needed to be done. All they knew was it was a single endpoint dealing with very complex model. There was no Java classes, super classes, abstract classes or even interfaces, just this huge chunk of mocked data. So myself and the lead sat down with him, and asked where the interfaces for the backend where, or designs / architecture for them etc.
His response, to this day frightens me ... not makes me angry, not bewilders me ... scares the living shit out of me that people like this exist in the world and have successful careers.
G: "hhhmmm, I know how to build an interface, but i've never understood them ... Like lets say I have an interface, what now? how does that help me in any way? I can't physically use it, does it not just use up time building it for no reason?"
us: "... ... how are the backend team suppose to understand the model, its types, integrate it into the other systems?"
G: "Can I not just tell them and they can write it down?"
**
I'll just pause here for a moment, as you'll likely need to read that again out of sheer disbelief
**
I've never seen someone die inside the way the lead did. He started a syllable and his face just dropped, eyes glazed over and he instantly lost all the will to live. He replied:
" wel ............... it doesn't matter ... its not important ... I have to go, good luck with the project"
*killed the screen share and left the room*
now I know you are all dying in suspense to know what happened to that project, I can drop the shocking bombshell that it was in fact cancelled. Thankfully only ~350 man hours were spent on it
... yep, not a typo.
G's crowning achievement however will go down in history. VERY long story short, backend got deployed to the server and EVERYTHING broke. Lead investigated, found mistakes and config issues on every second line, load balancer wasn't even starting up. When asked had this been tested before it was deployed:
G: "Yeah I tested it on my machine, it worked fine"
lead: "... and on the server?"
G: "no, my machine will do the same thing"
lead: "do you have a load balancer and multiple VM's?"
G: "no, but Java is Java"
... and with that its time to end todays episode. Will G be our most incompetent? ... maybe.
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!31 -
wk87 is a dangerous topic for me, i've been through a lot. I apologise for what I am about to inflict on this network over the coming week.
Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 1, "T".
T was an embedded C developer who talked openly about how he's been writing code since he was 14, knew all the C system libraries and functions like the back of his hand. For the most part, he did ... but not how to actually use them, as (based on his shocking ... well everything) he was inflicted by some sort of brain disorder not yet fully understood by medical science. Some highlights:
- Myself and the CTO spent 4 days teaching him what a circle buffer was and how to build one.
- His final circle buffer implementation had about 3 times as much code as he actually needed.
- When the code was running too slowly on the device, we didn't try find any performance improvements, or debug anything to see if there was anything taking too long. No not with T, T immediately blamed TCP for being inefficient.
- After he left we found a file called "TCP-Light" in his projects folder.
- He accused the CTO of having "violent tendencies" because he was playing with a marker tossing it up in the air and catching it.
- He once managed to leave his bank statements, jumper and TROUSERS in the bathroom and didn't realise until a building wide email went out.
- He once .... no hang on, seriously his fucking trousers, how?
- He accused us all of being fascists because we gave out to him for not driving with his glasses, despite the fact his license says he needs to (blind as a bat).
... why were his trousers off in the first place? and how do you forget ... or miss the pile of clothes and letters in a small bathroom.
Moving on, eventually he was fired, but the most depressing thing of all about T, is that he might not even be top of my list.
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!11 -
Its Friday, you all know what that means! ... Its results day for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!
*audience: wwwwwwooooooooo!!!!*
We've had a bewildering array of candidates, lets remind ourselves:
- a psychopath that genuinely scared me a little
- a CEO I would take pleasure seeing in pain
- a pothead who mistook me for his drug dealer
- an unbelievable idiot
- an arrogant idiot obsessed with strings
Tough competition, but there can be only one ... *drum roll* ... the winner is ... none of them!
*audience: GASP!*
*audience member: what?*
*audience member: no way!*
*audience member: your fucking kidding me!*
Sir calm down! this is a day time show, no need for that ... let me explain, there is a winner ... but we've kept him till last and for a good reason
*audience: ooooohhhhh*
You see our final contestant and ultimate winner of this series is our good old friend "C", taking the letters of each of our previous contestants, that spells TRAGIC which is the only word to explain C.
*audience: laughs*
Oh I assure you its no laughing matter. C was with us for 6 whole months ... 6 excruciatingly painful months.
Backstory:
We needed someone with frontend, backend and experience with IoT devices, or raspberry PI's. We didn't think we'd get it all, but in walked an interviewee with web development experience, a tiny bit of Angular and his masters project was building a robot device that would change LED's depending on your facial expressions. PERFECT!!!
... oh to have a time machine
Working with C:
- He never actually did the tutorials I first set him on for Node.js and Angular 2+ because they were "too boring". I didn't find this out until some time later.
- The first project I had him work on was a small dashboard and backend, but he decided to use Angular 1 and a different database than what we were using because "for me, these are easier".
- He called that project done without testing / deploying it in the cloud, despite that being part of the ticket, because he didn't know how. Rather than tell or ask anyone ... he just didn't do it and moved on.
- As part of his first tech review I had to explain to him why he should be using if / else, rather than just if's.
- Despite his past experience building server applications and dashboards (4 years!), he never heard of a websocket, and it took a considerable amount of time to explain.
- When he used a node module to open a server socket, he sat staring at me like a deer caught in headlights completely unaware of how to use / test it was working. I again had to explain it and ultimately test it for him with a command line client.
- He didn't understand the need to leave logging inside an application to report errors. Because he used to ... I shit you not ... drive to his customers, plug into their server and debug their application using a debugger.
... props for using a debugger, but fuck me.
- Once, after an entire 2 days of tapping me on the shoulder every 15 mins for questions / issues, I had to stop and ask:
Me: "Have you googled it?"
C: "... eh, no"
Me: "can I ask why?"
C: "well, for me, I only google for something I don't know"
Me: "... well do you know what this error message means?"
C: "ah good point, i'll try this time"
... maybe he was A's stoner buddy?
- He burned through our free cloud usage allowance for a month, after 1 day, meaning he couldn't test anything else under his account. He left an application running, broadcasting a lot of data. Turns out the on / off button on the dashboard only worked for "on". He had been killing his terminal locally and didn't know how to "ctrl + c a cloud app" ... so left it running. His intention was to restart the app every time you are done using it ... but forgot.
- His issue with the previous one ... not any of his countless mistakes, not the lack of even trying to make the button work, no, no, not for C. C's issue is the cloud is "shit" for giving us such little allowances. (for the record in a month I had never used more than 5%).
- I had to explain environment variables and why they are necessary for passwords and tokens etc. He didn't know it wasn't ok to commit these into GitHub.
- At his project meetups with partners I had to repeatedly ask him to stop googling gifs and pay attention to the talks.
- He complained that we don't have 3 hour lunch breaks like his last place.
- He once copied and pasted the same function 450 times into a file as a load test ... are loops too mainstream nowadays?
You see C is our winner, because after 6 painful months (companies internal process / requirements) he actually achieved nothing. I really mean that, nothing. Every thing was so broken, so insecure / wide open, built without any kind of common sense or standards I had to delete it all and start again ... it took me 2 weeks.
I hope you've all enjoyed this series and will join me in praying for the return of my sanity ... I do miss it a lot.
Yours truly,
practiseSafeHex20 -
I’ve had a good amount of incompetent co-workers in the past. One that stands out was this junior developer who worked at one of my previous companies. He was incompetent, but that wasn’t even his worst attribute. He was incompetent, and worse, he had a piss-poor attitude.
Myself and a few other devs at the company tried to help him, but he would literally get mad when people tried to help him. Sometimes he would even call one of us over and start getting snarky with us as we tried to help him. He was a piece of shit and a shitty developer. I don’t think he built one complete feature or fixed one bug in the year he was at the company before he was eventually fired.
Oh, and aside from his incompetence and shitty attitude, he had no sense of humor. It was so annoying. My friend and I made a little song based on his name and a group that sounded like his name, and he got pissed. We always used to sing it anyway after that and it always riled him up. I feel a bit bad about that now but he pretty much got mad at everything so whatever.
One of my favorite memories of him is when he was leaving one day, my good friend/co-worker and I were having a Nerf gun battle. The junior was leaving the office, and my friend tried to get him involved in the battle and shot him, but accidentally hit him in the back of the head. He said nothing, didn’t turn around, and just walked out lol. He was not happy about it.10 -
For this episode of practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker were going to move past developers and go straight to a CEO.
*sitcom audience oooooohhhhhhh*
I know! , always risky, everyone has a bad story, but lets try bring it home. Here we go, Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 2, "R".
R was ... now how do I say this ... R was a special kind of Bastard. A perfect blend of impatient, arrogant, a dickhead and to borrow a phrase from family guy "below the line of mental retardation".
I've actually spoken about him recently here: https://devrant.com/rants/1141873/...
I won't bother duplicating the content here, but its worth a read.
Some of the other highlights of R include:
- Not understanding that my first demo was UI / Frontend only (despite frequent explanations). I didn't slack off for the next 2 weeks, I was busy making all those buttons actually do stuff and connect to the server. Shockingly "Test 1", "Test 2" and "Lorem ipsum" wasn't our content.
- He once asked how long a bunch of tasks was going to take, I told him 2 weeks and he gave me 2 and a half days. He pulled me into a meeting the next week to see where it all was, and I literally sat there saying "I asked for 2 weeks" over and over until he shut up.
- R's favourite phrase was "when I was a developer", typically followed by some sort of insult, forever labelling him "asshole" by everyone who has ever worked for him.
- When apple launched iOS 7 and changed the UI and the methods you could use, he refused to invest the time in upgrading to iOS 7, but demanded the app look like an iOS 7 app. No amount of "There is no method to access the status bar in iOS 6" could make him comprehend the issue at hand.
- The worst was when I was dealing with an issue to do with 64bit being introduced (which I tried to explain ... christ give me strength). When another dev fixed a similar but unrelated issue he stood up in front of the office and said loudly "pfft practiseSafeHex tried to tell me this was something to do with 64bit, which made absolutely no sense, guess he doesn't know what he's talking about"
Thankfully I handed in my notice ... after less than 2 months, making in abundantly clear why. Will R make it to the top of the list of most incompetent?
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!12 -
Welcome back to practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!
*sitcom audience cheers*
Thank you, thank you. Ok so far we've had a developer from hell and a CEO who shot to fame for being the first rectum to receive a passport and be given a job.
2 pretty strong entrants if you ask me. But its time to slow it down and make sure everyone gets a fair chance. Its not all just about the psychopaths and assholes, what about the general weirdo's and the stoners who just made life awkward?
So here we go, Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 3, "A".
"A" was a bit of an unusual developer, despite having a few years experience in his home country, he applied for an unpaid internship to come work with us ... probably should have rang alarm bells but hey we were all young and dumb back then.
I had to say I felt very bad for A, as he suffered from 2 very serious, and job crippling personal conditions / problems
- Email induced panic attacks
- Extreme multifaceted attachment disorder (also known in layman terms as "get the fuck away from me, and do your job" syndrome)
While he never openly discussed these conditions, it was clear from working with him, that he had gone undiagnosed for years. Every time an email would come in no matter how simple ... even the services team asking to confirm his staff ID, would send him into a panic causing him to drop everything he was doing and like a homing missile find me anywhere in the building and ask me what to do.
Actually "A" also suffered from a debilitating literacy issue too, leaving him completely unable to read our internal wiki's himself. Every week we had to follow a set of steps to upgrade something and every week to mask his issue, he'd ask me what to do instead ... no matter how many times I sat with him previously ... must have been truly embarrassing for him.
But "A"'s finest moment in the company, by far, was the day where out of the blue, at the top of his voice (as if wearing headphones ... without wearing headphones) he asked
"DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO SELLS POT?"
... why no, manager of the entire department standing behind you, I do not
... why no, tech lead talking to manager, I do not
... why hello 50% of my team staring at me ... no "A", I do not!
Needless to say all our team meetings were a little awkward for the next few weeks after that but hey who doesn't like being thought of as a stoner / drug dealer by their team mates huh?
Will A make it to the top of the list of most incompetent? Well he has some truly logic defining competition yet to be announced.
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!15 -
practiseSafeHex’s most incompetent co-worker follow up: Candidate 1, “T”.
(For those wondering WTF I’m talking about: https://devrant.com/rants/1148190/...)
Forgot to mention something that happened with T that I find hilarious. T had a pretty profound effect on the company / team. It was a small startup, CEO + 4 of us, so we were all kinda close.
The day T was fired we decided this was too big of a moment to forget, so we created T_____ day, and to this day despite all working in different places we still meet up for drinks on October 24th to celebrate getting rid of that nut bag.2 -
Its that time of the morning again where I get nothing done and moan about the past ... thats right its practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!
Today I'd like to tell you the story of "i". Interesting about "I" is that he was actually a colleague of yesterdays nominee "G" (and was present at the "java interface" video call, and agreed with G!): https://devrant.com/rants/1152317/...
"I" was the spearhead of a project to end all projects in that company. It was suppose to be a cross-platform thing but ended up only working for iOS. It was actually quite similar to this: https://jasonette.com/ (so similar i'm convinced G / I were part of this but I can't find their github ID's in it).
To briefly explain the above + what they built ... this is the worst piece of shit you can imagine ... and thats a pretty strong statement looking back at the rest of this series so far!
"I" thought this would solve all of our problems of having to build similar-ish apps for multiple customers by letting us re-use more code / UI across apps. His main solution, was every developers favourite part of writing code. I mean how often do you sit back and say:
"God damn I wish more of this development revolved around passing strings back and forth. Screw autocomplete, enums and typed classes / variables, I want more code / variables inside strings in this library!"
Yes thats right, the main part of this bullshittery was putting your entire app, into JSON, into a string and downloading it over http ... what could possibly go wrong!
Some of my issues were:
- Everything was a string, meaning we had no autocomplete. Every type and property had to be remembered and spelled perfectly.
- Everything was a string so we had no way to cmd + click / ctrl + click something to see somethings definition.
- Everything was a string so any business logic methods had to be remembered, all possible overloaded versions, no hints at param types no nothing.
- There was no specific tooling for any of this, it was literally open up xcode, create a json file and start writing strings.
- We couldn't use any of the native UI builders ... cause strings!
- We couldn't use any of the native UI layout constructs and we had to use these god awful custom layout managers, with a weird CSS feel to them.
What angered me a lot was their insistence that "You can download a new app over http and it will update instantly" ... except you can't because you can't download new business logic only UI. So its a new app, but must do 100% exactly the same thing as before.
His other achievements include:
- Deciding he didn't like apple's viewController and navigationBar classes and built his own, which was great when iOS 7 was released (changed the UI to allow drawing under the status bar) and we had no access to any of apples new code or methods, meaning everything had to be re-built from scratch.
- On my first week, my manager noticed he fucked up the login error handling on the app I was taking over. He noticed this as I was about to leave for the evening. I stayed so we could call him (he was in an earlier timezone). Rather than deal with his fucked up, he convinced the manager it would be a "great learning experience" for me to do it ... and stay in late ... while he goes home early.
- He once argued with me in front of the CEO, that his frankenstein cross-platform stuff was the right choice and that my way of using apples storyboards (and well thought out code) wasn't appropriate. So I challenged him to prove it, we got 2 clients who needed similar apps, we each did it our own way. He went 8 man weeks over, I came in 2 days under and his got slated in the app store for poor performance / issues. #result.
But rather than let it die he practically sucked off the CEO to let him improve the cross platform tooling instead.
... in that office you couldn't swing a cat without hitting a retard.
Having had to spend a lot more time working with him and more closely than most of the other nominees, at a minimum "I" is on the top of my list for needing a good punch in the face. Not for being an idiot (which he is), not for ruining so much (which he did), but for just being such an arrogant bastard about it all, despite constant failure.
Will "I" make it to most incompetent? Theres some pretty stiff competition so far
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!6 -
The windows/microsoft fanboy I've ranted about multiple times.
- wouldn't use anything except for windows. Even if required for a project (I would if really needed, have done that a few times already)
- refused to use any framework/language not written by Microsoft
- tried to get other projects to use windows/.net when it wasn't required and it was only linux/php guys (and that fit the projects perfectly)
- ONLY wanted to use Skype and whatsapp. Always bragged about how he had 10gb of Skype history.
- didn't want to use anything related to linus torvalds or open source because 'those are open source and have no business model so they're bad'
And then: he suggested the use of windows server right after one was hacked (windows vuln that wasn't patched yet) which caused the devops guys to want to install a new Linux server for it.
Even the windows sysadmin pointed to the door when he said that and gave him a huge 'GTFO' face cD
Yeah, fuck him.9 -
*QA chick tries to run software
*software doesn't start / throws an exception
*she does chmod 777 *
*still doesn't work
*blames developer
SHE DOES A FUCKING CHMOD 777 ON EVERY FUCKING FILE AND FOLDER LIKE THIS IS SOME BLACK MAGIC FUCK14 -
A coworker was working on some code and wrote two return statements and asked a senior developer why the second value wasn't being returned.7
-
"How do I use a for loop?"
I mean I can't fault them for being open to being taught, but if you're working as a software engineer...and can't use loops...11 -
Incompetent doesn't even start to describe this one:
1. Uses Google drive instead of an online repository for code sharing
2. Uses multiple files instead of version control
3. Preferred variable names like a, a1, b, temp
4. Didn't like "wasting" space. The result was unreadable unindented code
5. Would rather use deprecated HTML tags rather than proper CSS styling
He was more like the personification of bad coding practices8 -
Can I only pick one?
I don't hate a lack of skill by itself. Incompetence, in my book, refers to a lack of skill combined with being in a position of responsibility.
The junior/intern in my team writes pretty bad code, but that is OK. He asks questions, I give pointers and bounce back his PRs ten times in a row, and he keeps fixing things without complaints.
My boss however... still writes PHP as if he's living in the 90s. He doesn't visit scrum meetings because he "isn't a developer". He thinks of a new feature while pooping, writes it without telling anyone, and throws it into production without making a PR.2 -
I've had my share of incompetent coworkers. In order of appearance:
1. A full stack dev. This one guy never, and I mean NEVER uses relationships in their tables. No indexing, no keys, nada. Couple of months later he was baffled why his page took ten seconds to load.
2. The same dev as (1). Requirement was to create some sort of "theme" feature for a web app. Hacked it by putting !important all over the place.
3. The same dev again. He creates several functions that if the data exists returns a view, and if it doesn't, "echo '0'". No, not return 0 or return false or anything, but fucking echo. This was PHP. If posted a rant about this a few months ago.
4. Same dev, has no idea what clean code is. No, not just reusable functions, he doesn't even get indenting right. Some functions have 4 spaces, some 2 tabs, some 6 tabs! And this is inside the same function. God wait until he tries Python...
5. Same dev now suggests that he become the PM. GM approves (very small company). Assigns me to travel to a client since they needed "technical assistance about the API". Was actually there to lead a UAT session.
Intermezzo, that guy went from fullstack dev to PM to sales (yes, one who calls clients to offer products) to business development, to product analyst in the span of two years.
After a year and a half there, I quit.
6. New company, a "QA engineer" who also assumes the role as the product owner. Does absolutely no tests other than "functional tests" in which he NEVER produces any form of documentation. Not even a set of test cases. He goes by "intuition".
7. Same guy as (6), hands me requirements for a feature. By "hands me" I mean he did that verbally. No spec documents, no slack chat, no Trello card. I ended up writing it as a card in Trello. Fast forward to the due date, he flips out because that wasn't what he wanted. Showed him the card. He walked away, without thinking of a solution how this mess should be handled.
Despite all this, I really don't want him (6&7) to leave the company. The devs get really stressed out at this job and he does make a really good person to laugh with/at. -
Today, I was telling a team member who joined recently to refer a GitHub repo, fork it and start working.
That person asks me, "Why GitHub, why should I access it etc". I blanked out after hearing the first question, so whatever said after that wasn't registered in my mind.
I asked that person "how did you do it in your previous org ?"
The response was, "we zip the code at end of everyday and store it as draft in our mailbox"
I stormed out of the workplace, even though it was just around mid of the day...10 -
Me to a lead dev: hey, I noticed that junior guy pushed this bad code to prod that you approved.
Him: oh really that’s wrong? Ok we can fix it.
Me (cursing under my breath): no asshole, that’s not the fucking point. You should know enough to not approve such pull requests. -
I'm working on a project with a teacher to overview the project at my school to be responsible for the confidential student data...
Teacher: How are we going to authenticate the kiosk machines so people don't need a login?
Me: Well we can use a unique URL for the app and that will put an authorized cookie on the machine as well as local IP whitelisting.
Teacher: ok but can't we just put a secret key in a text file on the C drive and access it with JavaScript?
Me: well JavaScript can't access your drive it's a part of the security protocol built into chrome...
Teacher: well that seems silly! There must be a way.
Me: Nope definately not. Let's just make a fancy shortcut?
Teacher: Alright you do that for now until I find a way to access that file.
I want to quit this project so bad4 -
The most incompetent co-worker is that idiot who wrote this piece of crappy code! Oh wait, that's me!1
-
I have a friend in college who had made a GitHub a few years ago, and populated it pretty well. Turns out he never actually looked through what he added to his commits. Every repo had a copy of his GitHub login in plaintext.3
-
My coworker when he is copy pasting code without thinking..
Something like that:
var x;
if (veryExpensiveFunction()) {
x = veryExpensiveFunction();
// do something messy with x..
}
Sometimes I really feel the urge to punch him in the neck - and he never knows why I’m freaking out.. :’(4 -
My co-worker gave me assets for my project with names like- layer_1, layer_1_copy, layer_1_copy_copy...2
-
The guy where I can only shake my head when I see his code, and he is really proud of if implementations, while he
- doesn't care about warnings
- breaks builds and doesn't care
- doesn't care about code styles and indents in a very column based way
- adds tons of comments to his code, mostly hard to understand, and sometimes that much you can hardly find the code
- implements a tokenizer where you have to inherit from its interface (Why would I wanna implement whole functions for a tokenizer and not just use it in place where needed? How do I use two of those in one class?)
- implement a "generic" state machine base class with fixed lengths array of 3 events and 3 strings (Why would I need events and strings hardcoded in a "generic" state machine? Why a maximum of 3?)
- once delivered a software without the needed runtime components, so the whole system (embedded device) wasn't working properly and only by chance missed the point of disabling update mechanisms
- make your ears bleed about his big inventions whenever he sees you, no matter how often he already told you about that blazing new feature5 -
Rather than singling out one person, I wanna present what I see as incompetent/stupid/ignorant:
- no will to learn
- failure to follow the very specific instructions & later asking for help when they FUBR sth & not even knowing what they did to fuck up in the first place
- asking how to solve stuff, then ignoring the suggestions & doing sth totally against recommendations
- failure to remember most basic stuff, especially if not writing it down to look at later when needed
- failure to check logs & 'google' stuff before asking why something isn't working the way they want it
- after two weeks, asking me how feature xy works, mind you they coded it, not me
- asking me why they did something in a specific way - WTF, am I a mind reader?! Who designed that crap?! Me or you?!!
- being passive/aggressive & snarky when told to do something or being asked why isn't it done already
- not testing their shit properly
- not making backups when upgrading (production) servers
- not checking the input value, no validation.. even after many many debacles on production with null ref exceptions
- failure to admit they fucked up
- not learning from (their) mistakes8 -
me: "Why not just use AJAX?"
guy who wasn't kidding: "Uh... oh is that a SOAP joke? Haha.."
:/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/2 -
Nowhere near my worst co-worker, but still funny.
The Dev team were all in a separate glass walled room with the business & support staff out in a bigger room outside. As is our wont, we wore headphones while working a lot.
One of the non technical folks asked me why and I said it helps me focus by keeping out distracting noises.
"Oh, I thought you were listening to code or something"
😮
It was kind of an eye-opener as to how little clue a person sitting just 4 meters away had of what I did or how I did it. And actually it helped explain some confusing interactions...4 -
I try as hard as possible not to be judgemental towards incompetent colleagues, motivating myself with the knowledge that we were all incompetent at some point, and that people need a chance to learn, and that sometimes too much pressure will lead you to believe that they're bad. Or sometimes, people just aren't good at the stuff you want them to be good, and you just need to discover that niche where they will be very useful.
Mostly that goes well.
I've had the incompetent late bloomer who was a family man who started too late to dev, and wasn't really serious. A bit of harsh talk, some soul searching over a few beers, made him into a really valuable asset. Not the brightest rock, but reliable, steady-paced developer who earned his stay.
Then there was the girl who wasn't really good at coding, but saved our team from disaster many times by keeping things into account, and realizing what must be developed or tested at every step.
However, there are exceptions. I've worked with people who have been nothing but a menace, through their incompetence AND attitudes.
The most noteworthy example was an intern that we sought out, by talking to professors to point us to their best students. So we got that intern on board. He seemed strange at first. Kind of perfectionist. Talked serious, with an air of royalty, and always dressed sharply. He really gave the impression that one must be worthy to receive his blessing. The weirdest part was his handshake. It was as if he was touching an iron hand heated to 3000 degrees. It was over before you even knew it. Leaves you kinda offended. Especially when he always took a wet wipe after that and wiped his hands. Am I really that gross?
But that's fiiiine. I mean we're all different and weird in our own ways, right? So he's a germophobe, so fucking what? We just gotta find a way to work together, right?
WRONG.
As soon as he started (and remember, he's a paid intern, who barely knows how to code, and has zero industrial experience), he started questioning my architecture solutions, code implementations, etc. I don't mind discussion and criticism, which is why I welcomed his input. But it seemed like he wasn't willing to accept any arguments, so I started looking for excuses not to talk to him.
Meanwhile, the most productive team member we had, to whom you could just give and describe an idea, with architecture and stuff, well, and you'd see it implemented the next week, with only the most well placed questions asked, started going into fights with this intern for the same reasons I was avoiding him.
.....
And here's the kicker.
Get this:
This intern comes to me (I was the team lead), while that guy is not in the office, and with a straight face, dead serious, starts telling me that that guy was making stupid decisions and being a bad team member because he doesn't ... I quote him almost verbatim... "follow my indications". He said that I had to do something because he refused to work with him together.
I was stunned.
This good for nothing imagined superhuman, who was completely useless and an amazing annoyance to pretty much everyone in the team, came to me, telling me that the most capable and productive developer in the team is bad, because he doesn't follow his orders, and that I had to pick between the 2.
I couldn't believe what I had heard.
I had so much emotion in me right then. I was angry, but at the same time I could barely abstain from laughing.
I just told him calmly that he was wrong, and that I wouldn't mind if he never came back. I didn't see him for 5 years after that.
Anyway, later that week our team went for a dinner + beer, and the stories from all the team members started pouring in. They didn't want to talk him down either, but now that he was gone, it was a weight off, and everybody could tell their story.
What a fucking asshole.
So 5 years after I stumbled on him as he was entering a church. Still an arrogant bitch. Barely exchanged 10 polite words and I continued on my way as he was disinfecting his hands from my filthy handshake.4 -
Co-worker: "I made the UI for feature X you asked me for"
Me: "Oh great tha... Why is it on the same screen as feature Y? Those features are unrelated?"
Co-worker: "Yea it was too much effort to create a new screen."
Me: "...?!?"1 -
I used to work in a small agency that did websites and Phonegap apps, and the senior developer was awful.
He had over a decade of experience, but it was the same year of experience over and over again. His PHP was full of bad practices:
- He'd never used an MVC framework at all, and was resistant to the idea, claiming he was too busy. Instead he did everything as PHP pages
- He didn't know how to use includes, and would instead duplicate the database connection settings. In EVERY SINGLE FILE.
- He routinely stored passwords in plain text until I pretty much forced him to use the new PHP password hashing API
- He sent login details as query strings in a GET request
- He couldn't use version control, and he couldn't deploy applications using anything other than FTP4 -
I’m working with a “senior” developer with a full decade more experience than me who didn’t know that short-circuit evaluation works differently for OR than it does for AND. He argued with me for a good hour and a half that in the expression (a || b), b would never be evaluated if a is false — and that this couldn’t possibly be the source of the bug he was trying to fix.
🙄5 -
For me, the worst co-worker is one who works by the principle of quantity over quality or a person who thinks quick and ugly fixes are a valid way to solve problems. Also: If there are unittest, don't fucking dare to change or remove them, just so your code runs without errors.
But in general, I just can't work with people who don't really think about what they are coding, people who just code straight ahead without making the simplest plan about how to solve something. Most of these people realize too late, that their approach was rather shitty, unreadable and unmaintainable.
I often see memes about "I forgot what I coded last [insert timespan here]". Though it is kind of normal, if it takes you too long to find out what you wrote, you should consider overthinking your coding approaches.
Just my 50 cents.
Damn I miss coding... 4 weeks of learning & exams is too long...6 -
So my company hired this very old guy. The oldest developer I have worked with. I feel they took him just because of diversity.
Because he was absolutely incompetent.
Nothing he wrote ever worked, he got in conflict with everyone, made stupid jokes at meetings, asked the dumbest questions. His stories would hang for weeks, hopping sprint over sprint. Once he delivered something, his code had to be re-written from scratch. A code review couldn't even be applied as the code was worthless, so it just made sense to reassign his tasks to someone else and move on.
So after much drama he was let go. It was maybe two years ago and I recently connected with him on LinkedIn. He's changed four or more jobs since then. Prior to coming to our company he also job-hopped all the time (but most likely he was actually fired every time). His average job duration was like 6 months. Apart from that, he had a 20+ year stay with some government agency.
I fail to grasp how he ever gets hired anywhere with all the red flags. Over two decades with some govt agency (in my country they are all crap). Then change jobs every half an year or so. Then the asshole attitude. And finally, they probably never asked him any technical questions, because he knew nothing. Our interns who were just one month into the job were better by a WIDE margin.3 -
I got in trouble for refactoring code to be modular. They said “thats too complicated the maintenance team”.
Said coworker produced a kludge of copy pasted code so the dumb ass maintenance team could understand it.
tldr; interfaces and abstract classes are too advanced for our employees so make the codebase shitty on purpose.3 -
He shutdown the server went home thinking it was his VM. Didn't take a second look at what happened.
--my past1 -
Oh boi.
Once she asked me "Why don't we just upgrade the HTML version?" as in "upgrade our system".
There were more such gems from her, but I think this one was the ultimate.
Background Info: We make emails and to support as much clients as possible you gotta go with the real oldschool html 4.1.😒 -
*The Fearless Leader*
I get a call to check up on a robot that has been exceeding weight limits at certain points of its movement (Crashing). As I get to the pendant (robo-game controller thingy I like to call it) and look over the alerts and warnings I notice some oil around the main power box of the Robot.... Nothing around this has oil.. so I start looking around and it turns out that the issue wasn’t a crash at all! It was an oily shorted out wire that kept sparking mad heavy when that servo was called on.. causing a large servo failure that required a full restart of the power box. I called our fearless leader and showed him only to find out that there was a motor leaking oil from the electrical end... My fearless leader runs both the Maintenance and Robotics department. When the motor was eventually fixed we overheard the technicians say that our fearless leader knew about this a week ago and decided to leave it that way.... with oil... coming out of an electrical cable..... *sigh* well Anyway after all the wires were fixed and motors changed. He comes up to me and says that he can’t believe that I didn’t call maintenance and fill a report on negligence of technicians for failing preventative maintenance....
I lost my cool a little, firstly that’s not my job, I’m literally one of the lowest ranking here. I called my next in command to figure out what I should do. Secondly the technicians told me that you told them to leave it like that! So if this place caught on fire this would have been on you!
Later I found out that he was trying to fire a technician and wanted me to do the dirty work.. I’m not going to be the reason another man loses the means for him to feed his family. The technician is a pretty cool and fair guy too!
Our fearless leader was a forklift driver and has no experience in robotics or maintenance... I don’t know how this happens or even why but all I know is this man is running both departments to the ground and management loves him.....1 -
Me, the only iOS dev at work one day, and colleague (who we'll call AndroidBoy), the only Android dev at work that same day (he's been working with us for less than two months). There was a change in one of the jsons we received from the server: instead of receiving a list, we now received a dictionary with strings as keys and lists as values. My iOS colleague had already made this modification on our parse function the day before.
AndroidBoy: "Hey what happened with the json?"
Me: "Oh, well instead of parsing a list, we'll parse a dictionary and get the list from each key. You basically have to do the same thing, only this time the lists are organized into categories."
AndroidBoy: "Oh, ok. But I don't know how to parse a dictionary while using Retrofit." (Context: Retrofit is a framework for request handling - correct me if I am mistaken, that's just what I've been told)
Me: "Sucks, dude, can't help ya. I've never worked with that and don't have that much exp. with Android."
I go out for a cigarette break. When I return, AndroidBoy is nowhere to be seen and suddenly I can't seem to get that data in my app. AndroidBoy comes in from the room where the backend colleagues work.
AndroidBoy: "Solved it!"
Me: "Solved what?"
AndroidBoy: "I told them to change back to a list and just put the key inside the objects of the list."
... he used the precious time of the backend colleagues to change the thing back hust because he was too lazy to search how to parse a dictionary. I was so amazed by his answer, that I didn't know whether to laugh, scream at him or punch him in the face. Not to mention the fact that now I had to revert just so he could avoid that extra work.5 -
We are probably reading alot of "this co-worker was so bad because blah blah blah..." from people who actualy were the real shitty co-worker and are still blaming others for his/hers mistakes.
Not a week rant that i can trust...3 -
My co-worker, still studying but working as a "senior dev", just decided that we don't need a test/staging environment anymore. We just "validate" (we also don't use the word "test" anymore) newly created features in production.
Makes absolutely sense...
Thank god I have a new job from february on!1 -
I didn't think I'd be able to contribute but today proved me wrong.
I'm a front end dev, and I'm the marketing department's go-to in IT (read: I'm their bitch :[ ) The digital marketing guy pinged me today saying he wanted to see if there's a way he could avoid having the president ask him about a task he supposedly did months ago: implement a glossary on our website and index its pages.
Turns out he hasn't done that task at all because he disagreed with the president's decision to even have a glossary.
Fast forward to now, and the president is asking how the glossary is doing. Cue my coworker sending me messages asking how he can avoid having to index the pages now, as well as not get in trouble for not having done it but saying he did.
So in summary: he did not do a job the president told him to do, he lied and said that he had done it, he is avoiding talking to the president about it, he is trying to get me to help him get out of it and cover his tracks, AND he just admitted it in company channels of communication.
Next time, just index the glossary, dude. We all get handed work tasks we don't want to do.4 -
Kinda all other devs translate incompetent with a lack of knowledge
i would go with not able to recognize his lack of knowledge
Story 1:
once we had a developer, whom was given the task to try out a REST/Json API using Java
after a week he presented his solution,
2 Classes with actual code and a micro-framework for parsing and generating JSON
so i asked him, why he didn't use a framework like jackson or gson, while this presentation he felt pretty offended by this question
a couple of weeks later i met him and he was full of thanks for me, because i showed him, that there are frameworks like that, and even said sorry for feeling offended
- no incompentence here -
Story 2:
once i had a lead dev, who was so self-confident, he refactored (for no reason but refactoring itself) half the app and commited without trying to compile/run test
but not only once, but on a regular basis
as you may imagine, he broke the application multiple times and blamed the other devs
- incompentence warning-
Story 3:
once i had a dev, which wanted to stay up with the latest versions of his libraries
npm update && commit without trying to compile/testing multiple times
- incompentence warning-
Story 4:
once i had a cto
* thought email-marketing is cutting edge
* removed test-systems completely to reduce costs
* liked wordpress
* sets vm to sleep without letting anyone know
- i guess incompetent alert -2 -
Oh booy...
Once i worked with a classmate
Explaining to him what he has to WRITE IN THE CODE to do it. So i was dictating him...
On the start i told him "now write an int called num1 and then of course end with semicolon"
To which he replied"whats is int and semicolon"
I didnt hang up but if you want to see the sequence +1 the rant4 -
Last week I forgot to add the break; clause to a bunch of case statements and literally spent a whole evening busting my head 'cause my code wasn't working.
So this week's answer: ME. I'M THE WORST.2 -
Most Incompetent co-worker. It was me during my first job. Not humble bragging or some shit. I was straight out fucking incompetent during my first job.
Hear me out.
I graduated my diploma course specialising in networks(from computer to cellular/telecom networks) but I did a few programming courses and my internship was at a lab - did iOT stuffs with raspi and arduinos. I am a A+ student so was giving priority to choose a better internship place. Fun time. So I fell in love with programming. As soon as i graduated I applied for a Java job. Got a job at a domain name reseller/hosting company using java EE. Remember my programming = very basic/OOP concepts/basic SQL knowledge. That's it.
I am that little childish fucker who thought he knew everything and I kept interrupting my coworkers with stupid questions.
Same time, I was under the darkest moments of my life with some family drama/tension headaches.
2 months into the job, one coworker really got pissed off with my interruptions and bluntly told me "*my name,you are stupid aren't you"
The manager was a really nice guy. I will forever thanks him for his advices. He knew I was struggling with family shits and gave me another 3 months probation period to redeem myself. But I gave up. That was back in 2015.
It was a great place I fucked it up. But I learnt precious life lessons. I was young,stupid and didn't know how to handle stress.
I thanks myself for not quitting programming after that experience.2 -
At a workplace I was attached to, a colleague of mine taught and still teaches Actionscript 2/3.
She rambles about how coding is important to a modern career, while teaching students how to animate a circle. Management can't fire her because of a poorly drafted contract.
Worst of all, she refuses to update her skillset.3 -
Did some uncompleted changes.
Pushed to master..
At friday evening...
Before christmas....
Still an amazing person😂 -
Had a guy put in a pull request with an empty file diff. He comes by two weeks later and asks when am I going to have time to review it.
-
Choose yourself:
The one who is too lazy too stand up, the one reinstalled his PC literally every week, or the toxic guy that nobody wants too work with.2 -
I had a collage who kept linux commands like ls -l, ssh and git commit/pull/push in .txt file and when he needed to use them, he just copy from the file and paste them to command line EVERY F*CKING TIME. He just didn't won't to learn them.7
-
application runs fine..
colleague makes a small code change..
application crashes..
colleague asks in wonder why the application crashes all of a sudden
did you debug? no
can you debug? ok .. .... ... .. ah it's that change I just did2 -
Funny topic. I normally am very understanding of incompetence when it comes from nothing more than lack of experience. Happens to all who at one point is a junior dev.
As long as people have the willingess to learn I find myself being very understanding.
I take a lot of effort in helping others, I don't mind at all, and I would rather take them extra 10 mins to explain how to do something than to slap people with rtfm and then blame them completely when their lack of experience messes up stuff. I also take care of providing isolated environments and giving explanations. Even when they screw up, it is isolated from the rest and I can teach them what was wrong, most of the time they figure it out themselves. It has made my coworkers respect me more, rather than being a total dick that believes that what I do is sacred and should be spared from newbs (like all the idiots in S.O) i take the approach of a very patient mentor.
But I am a hippie, shit works for me.
But I do not excuse shitty attitudes and arrogance. I find that not knowing is fine, but acting as if one knows all and then fucking shit up makes it bad.
Which is when I change, I am a hippie but can get violent pretty quickly.
I have been screwed over shitty attitudes more than incompetence. -
Most incompetent worker?
I had this coworker who doesn’t do jack shit in the morning shift (10am - 12nn).
Taking long breaks, like staying at cafeteria and chatting. Always on company IM talking about gossips. Reading manga online and shit.
I wouldn’t be complaining about that if this coworker can deliver. But no! Only has to do 1 module, it took almost a month for this person to finish. Always doing overtime without an ounce of progress. Siphoning the budget of the project. Everyone on our team were doing overtime trying to deliver function after function, modules after modules. Every other parts were finished except this person’s task. Took over it, done for a week. Told my project leader, transfer this person or you’ll see other core members leaving.
Person got transferred. Everyone felt like they had a massive load off their shoulder.2 -
I used to be in an infrastructure maintenance team, and I worked with an old guy. We had a jump box we all used. This guy would work weekend maintenance windows and still be trying to get changes done at 7am, three hours after the end of the window. He was glacially slow. I remember watching him login to a prod weblogic server. He would open the Windows start menu, move his fucking mouse through two or three submenus, and finally click putty. Then, he would type out the FQDN of the jump server, and move his mouse to the connect/ok button. Then it would prompt him for his username and password, both of which took him about 90 seconds to single-finger type. Then, once loved into the jump box, he would then type ssh user@server.fqdn, rather than copying and pasting the server name.
It took him fully five minutes to get logged into the weblogic server. I could not take it. It would have taken me about ten seconds. -
I had a coworker who was once working on around 5 files at the same time
To save them he would navigate to each click file and then save (even with a save all button below it)
We spent our time trying to teach him shortcuts and after explaining Ctrl+S we asked him what Ctrl+Shift+S might do with all his open files
He thought that it would unsave all his work fml1 -
I fucking told them that yes, i can do frontend but im in no way expert, so dont expect much.
"Yeah, cool, use angular"
I was full of questions and tried to reason with them that angular is literally just an unnecessary load and would slow the development down (its a really simple site).
"No, use angular"
Ok fine whatever. So i built the site, it was ugly as fuck, half the functionality was hacked in with jquery because i have no idea how these fucked up frameworks work (or apparently dont work) when i realized that i get jackshit from the backend.
Turns out most of the json responses were totally disregarding the json standard, like {1: tag0},{2: tag1}, where a json arrat should have been used. The other half was xml. Yeah. Also of course they used spring so the backend took like 3 months where it could have been done in like 2 weeks.4 -
I was recently hired as a front end dev for a certain project. The owner of the project already had a backend guy who apparently was almost done. The guy was using a django to develop the website and just when we were about to integrate the front-end and backend he fucking bailed out! Saying he had another project. So I downloaded his code from github so that I could complete the backend myself but holy fucks it was so horrible... This guy didn't even know what he was doing... Just creating a million django apps which didn't do shit.. Oh and did I mention he used django 1.1... Such a shit head! But good for me... I'll be the one getting paid for the whole thing...2
-
We had this new guy working and we assigned him some work to do. We gave him some time to find the way into the code and figure things out on his own.
Instead of doing that, he wrote a paper of 20 pages why WPF would be way better than what we are doing now. There were many flaws in his document as well. Also on day 2 he used resharper to format some code file. Bye bye annotate! His argument was that resharper knew better. But, our code also uses some reflection, so that got broken. He didn't knew what reflection was and assumed resharper "fixed" it.
He doesn't work here anymore now, he felt he wasn't taken seriously. This is just one of many examples of him though 😂1 -
If you can't think of anyone else, does it mean that you are the most incompetent one of the lot? Huh, that's a sobering realization!
-
I work for a big bank. I'm going to say pretty much the entire Support team is incompetent.
Oh something went wrong? Escalate to devs... cuz we have no idea wtf to do and don't have the most basic technical problem solving skills...
Bunch of useless monkeys... btw guess what time it is now? And what I'm doing?5 -
I've worked with few incompetent people till now, but one guy who stands out is my peer who is a "Lead Developer".
First of all he knows nothing!! Even Jon Snow knows something, but this guy knows absolutely nothing. And on top of that he has a hard ass attitude. Never sticks to coding standards, pushes unwanted configuration files to Git, uses too many nested loops even when not even a single one is required.
And when I suggest him something, he starts giving these lame ass reasons and tries to avoid my comments. Then I say, "good luck with that buddy" and move on!!1 -
Well... Just last week one guy somehow completely broken our production server while creating an WordPress using Ghostscript for some reason. First this CMS users 100% CPU, then something has happened and whole server couldn't get up. Admin had to restore it from a backup. There are around 7 client on this server and all of our projects.1
-
Not a coworker, but at my college there's this 40+ year old dude that's trying to Get Back In the Industry and he's the most dual Condescending/Incompetent person in the entire Computer Science department. I appreciate his wanting to stay relevant, but he stops lectures every few minutes to try and explain something (usually inaccurately) before the professor does, and loudly critizes things that don't matter, and likes to try and give impromptu speeches in the library and talk to people when they're working. I've never met someone so mediocre and self-centered in my life.
Also, he spends a lot of time trying to talk with some of the younger women in the class and it's super Creepy. So there's the tea on that.2 -
A loooong time ago...
I've started my first serious job as a developer. I was young yet enthusiastic as well as a kind of a greenhorn. First time working in a business, working with a team full of experienced full-lowered ultra-seniors which were waiting to teach me the everything about software engineering.
Kind of.
Beside one senior which was the team lead as well there were two other devs. One of them was very experienced and a pretty nice guy, I could ask him anytime and he would sit down with me a give me advice. I've learned a lot of him.
Fast forward three months (yes, three months).
I was not that full kind of greenhorn anymore and people started to give me serious tasks. I had some experience in doing deployments and stuff from my other job as a sysadmin before so I was soon known as the "deployment guy", setting up deployments for our projects the right way and monitoring as well as executing them. But as it should be in every good team we had to share our knowledge so one can be on vacation or something and another colleague was able to do the task as well.
So now we come to the other teammate. The one I was not talking about till now. And that for a reason.
He was very nice too and had a couple of years as a dev on his CV, but...yeah...like...
When I switched some production systems to Linux he had to learn something about Linux. Everytime he encountered an error message he turned around and asked me how to fix it. Even. For. The. Simplest. Error. He. Could. Google. Up.
I mean okay, when one's new to a system it's not that easy, but when you have an error message which prints out THE SOLUTION FOR THE ERROR and he asks me how to fix it...excuse me?
This happened over 30 times.
A. Week.
Later on I had to introduce him to the deployment workflow for a project, so he could eventually deploy the staging environment and the production environment by hisself.
I introduced him. Not for 10 minutes. I explained him the whole workflow and the very main techniques and tools used for like two hours. Every then and when I stopped and asked him if he had any questions. He had'nt! Wonderful!
Haha. Oh no.
So he had to do his first production deployment. I sat by his side to monitor everything. He did well. One or two questions but he did well.
The same when he did his second prod deploy. Everythings fine.
And then. It. Frikkin. Begins.
I was working on the project, did some changes to the code. Okay, deploy it to dev, time for testing.
Hm.
Error checking out git. Okay, awkward. Got to investigate...
On the dev server were some files changed. Strange. The repo was all up to date. But these changes seemed newer because they were fixing at least one bug I was working on.
This doubles the strangeness.
I want over to my colleague's desk.
I asked him about any recent changes to the codebase.
"Yeah, there was a bug you were working on right? But the ticket was open like two days so I thought I'll fix it"
What the Heck dude, this bug was not critical at all and I had other tasks which were more important. Okay, but what about the changed files?
"Oh yeah, I could not remember the exact deployment steps (hint from the author: I wrote them down into our internal Wiki, he wrote them done by hisself when introducing him and after all it's two frikkin commands), so I uploaded them via FTP"
"Uhm... that's not how we do it buddy. We have to follow the procedure to avoid..."
"The boss said it was fine so I uploaded the changes directly to the production servers. It's so much easier via FTP and not this deployment crap, sorry to say that"
You. Did. What?
I could not resist and asked the boss about this. But this had not Effect at all, was the long-time best-buddy-schmuddy-friend of the boss colleague's father.
So in the end I sat there reverting, committing and deploying.
Yep
It's soooo much harder this deployment crap.
Years later, a long time after I quit the job and moved to another company, I get to know that the colleague now is responsible for technical project management.
Hm.
Project Management.
Karma's a bitch, right? -
When i was working for an ISP, our lead developer was the most arrogant, self indulgent person with the worst god complex imaginable.
He would continuously belittle people until eventually i snapped and he stopped.
It wasn't long after that i lost that job because of my 'performance' which of course i challenged with proof of it being utter bullshit to which they removed my proof and continued on like it didn't matter.2 -
So I work in a startup where all my co-workers are 6-7 years elder to me. There is this guy who keeps asking me how is my work going.
I tell him, he gives me a weird clueless look and leaves.
I wonder why he even asks me everytime if he is least bothered about what I do. I see all others minding their own business and busy coding. But this guy is one whom I have always seen jobless.
So now I have decided that next time he asks me I will tell any random shit to him to see if what I have been telling was always shit to him .2 -
A colleague of mine was very smart, but didn't know how to use classes in .net or object literals in js, so he organized his data with arrays.
It worked, of course, but, god, did I hate working with his code. It would take hours to make simple changes.1 -
Father of my IT director. He was good with VB6. Now he is abusing MS Dynamics by using it to just host custom html forms and his DB main working table (which just mimics the fields of the CRM entity he has created is edging on 300 fields. He reuses same entity for 10 different non related "applications" (custom html forms... just CRUD) so majority of rows in that table use up to 30 fields...2
-
My old boss who somehow has gotten his small team of 4 PHP development contracts with Vodafone and Tesco etc. No QA, no tests, no frameworks allowed.
Sets random deadlines and used to suddenly drop demos on me for projects I'd just started and he had no idea of the state of them. Needless to say one project I was so rushed with no idea what I was actually making (for real) that I got sacked. -
I have plenty of those but one that shines out from the croud is one frontend guy.
He had to modify some javascript slider but couldn't figure out how.
So he comes to me and tells me he found the code where the slider is initialized but changes are not applied.
I walk up to his desk and he shows me some CSS code with #slider selector in it.6 -
The worst co worker I had is actually pretty recent. He joined a well integrated team on what was basically a legacy project. He sounded like a good developer and seemed to know his stuff but it took him ages to push out fixes/features. They were always massively over-engineered, poorly named, partially tested and what documentation he did write still managed to bitch about how poor the project was structured.
He spent most of his time bitching about the general shitty nature of the project (he wasn't wrong) and the lack of interest from other Devs.
He was so unpleasant in interpersonal communication that by the end no one would work with him.
In his last team meeting he basically said he was glad to be going and that we were all lazy, disinterested and shouldn't consider ourselves his peers. The equivalent of storming out of a party after setting the couch on fire and shitting in the sink.
We've since removed all his overcomplicated, not standard, unmaintainable code. -
Rant
Wtf are you taking man?
You’re supposed to be an experienced engineer but what the fuck are you doing leaking null pointer exceptions everywhere you go?
Just 1 more month. Good thing my manager isn’t renewing your contract.
Fuck!!!! -
At my old company one of our directors referred to a QR code as "heiroglyphics"... That struck me as pretty incompetent for the director of a tech company
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A former co-worker once had to implement a new subsystem into our ERP system, which runs on .NET.
He then decided to draw the entire UI using the Graphics class.
When i later asked him why he had done it like that, his only answer was: "I wanted to learn how to use graphics"2 -
Well, we have a designer/front-ender who's forced to work the same way the devs work (local development environment), yet he doesn't understand a single thing he's doing.
I'm pretty sure he's never going to understand it, and I feel like he's better off just doing UI/UX, he's pretty good at that!1 -
Me, or everybody else.
I have bipolar disorder, it’s not entirely a bad thing because sometimes my mind flies and bizarre ideas just flush into my mind, ideas that eventually prove to be useful. However, not everyone can catch up my thinking speed.
This year for my senior capstone project, I teamed up with other three brilliant students. In the middle of the project I proposed a very aggressive method when our initial model failed, but they couldn’t understand my method. Towards the end of the semester I basically finished the project alone and claimed that they were just repeating what I was doing, and they didn’t realize that until the last week. At the end, the guy who’s always in charge of the other two people said that I was right, that the very aggressive method could have worked if given them more time to think about it.
I am both relieved and sorry at that moment. I cannot explain my ideas and that leads to my teams confusion.
I am still the same guy now, haven’t changed, will still be a pain in the ass when work with other people, I tried to be patient, but idk if it was just me being too impatient or others are too dumb.
I really tried......6 -
He is not really my coworker, but this seems like perfect opportunity to rant about this.
So, there is this guy, who asked me whether I want to join him in a project. I asked him what kind of project and what would each of us do. The project was Cryptocurrency Arbitrage and I would code the bot to do the stuff and he would design the logic to even out the money after the transfer. And we would get two thirds of the money and I would get the rest. I haven't said no yet, but ... -
There is an "SA" who doesn't know anything about different architectures used around, does not ask if he doesn't know and assumes stuff and puts us in those cringe-worthy moments where everyone in the meeting kind of becomes quiet because he is uttering obvious bullshit. He does this in meetings with senior managers and developers from other teams which clearly puts our team down!
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That one classmate I had to do an internship with. The project has pretty simple, but we were both young to front end. I decided, that we use react, because it seemed like a fairly easy front end framework, with concepts a Java (not javascript) developer could wrap his head around.
Boi, I was wrong.
He was practically unable to implement a calendar, or rather get the sample code to work... For several days...
Needless to say that the project wasn't finished by the time we left and I feel kinda guilty for it.
Guilty that I couldn't find an other internship in time and was forced to pick this one with my classmate -
How about incompetent management? Company absolutely murders any possible increase in productivity. Laptop provided? Slow as balls. Takes minutes to log in. I get a Mac for mobile development and that's OK. SSD and adequate memory but I'm primarily a .NET Dev. Can't get on the network with a virtual machine. They won't I stall even a managed image. So can't use databases because they're all AD authenticated. Got a virtual desktop environment and that sucks worse in performance than the laptop. Add the Assault on local administration rights and the monitoring software that constantly thrashers any memory and hard drive usage and im about to quit over all this... All this decided by a non developer and not asked for our opinions. Yay large Enterprises
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Once took over a bunch of webservices from a coworker who had found another job.
Worst bunch of copy-pasted, anti-pattern, duplicates-ridden, dead-code infected spaghettimess I ever saw.
I spent a year getting that shit into a semblance of order. You could tell for certain the guy had no professional pride or sense of maintainability.
The kicker is, after that year of getting everything in shape, I got laid off due to cutbacks.
'Hey, great work, Refactor Ninja!
Now leave, you must be needed elsewhere!'
🙄 -
Both my actual and previous boss. Egocentric, narcisitic, unfit for their roles, detached from reality, intransigents, etc.
Can't really understand how guys like these become CTO or CTO wannabes when others are more qualified... Whatever... They are smart on taking care of "their" life. <insert shrug here>3 -
So there's this remote guy on my team that basically doesn't do much and when it does fucks up. This is a guy with a lot experience but it doesn't seem even give a fuck. He doesn't pay attention to standups and he has more time than me in the project but doesn't know that much about it. There are rare times when he gives good ideas. However this happena so rarely that it is awful to work with him.1
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I wish I could give an interesting story, but because I'm not in the workplace yet, I don't have stories yet (I probably will one day!!)
I'm a CS student. I'm a little bit sad because I no longer have time for the personal projects I used to have time for in highschool. -
Revision to the Peter/Dilbert Principle, the ProjektAquarius principle: a company will systematically shift the least competent employee on to the assignments the competent employees can't be bothered to do until they become an integral part of the team and drag you down with them. (E.g. eventually they completely fuck up your delivery process, although it's probably still cheaper and quicker than having them do anything else.)
ProjektAquarius principle: A Case Study
We have an engineer who is getting paid quite a bit more than me. Over time his responsibilities have gradually been reduced to documentation and running our almost entirely automated build. Well today the build failed. He pulls me over to tell me, and says he's confused because there is a file there he has never seen before in there and a file he always has seen that isn't there (basically a file got renamed. It was not non-obvious). Answer: change the file name.
Then he comes over and tells us that it's failing again because the script is not finding a file. So a coworker of mine and I go over. He explains the whole build process to us when we ask if there is any point in the script that would help us identify where the script is looking for the file and failing (there wasn't but that's besides the point).
Turns out, he had decided to put the assembly list in order. Normally no problem, but the list is in source destination pairs. So the fucking file was being put in a different directory than the one the script was looking for it in and failing. And that's the story about how my company just paid 3 engineers a quarter of a man hour each for something that would have been resolved in 30 seconds via file search/copying and pasting a file path. Related note: our process for building an install is now about 4 hours long with no change on process besides the BCAK. -
We're finishing some projects for uni. I've done mine, and am just helping out with others.
There was a friend who is doing her write-up. My other buddy was just just troubling her for fun. He threatened to press the power button on the laptop, thus sending it to hibernate. Minor nuisance; she just need to turn it back on after all.
She pleaded to leave her & let her complete the write-up. So I asked her if I could quickly re-configure the power button. You know, go to the windows power settings, and tell it to do nothing upon pressing the button.
She said no. But the way she said it struck me odd. As in "No, why would anyone do that!?". Debatable. Just to make sure, I asked whether she understood what I requested. She made a quick hand gesture of plucking the power button off!! 😐
Me & my buddy just stare at each other. "Yeah you're right, you're right, what a stupid idea...". We just slowly scoot from there. 🏃
No idea how she reached this far...1 -
I got a guy who was always sleeping and talking about anime and telling bullshit that he is after uni and actually did nothing useful, he was even snoring and always turning lights on, when everyone was in vampire mode , jeeeez
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Non-co-worker rant:
Today:21 Jan, projects 5: 3 games:1 unity, 1 Java, 1 vba; 1 angular app and 1 lex compiler. due date 24 Jan.1 -
I was assigned a project which was previously done by another fresher, the project used angular and bootstrap. That fucker wrote custom styles for the fucking bootstrap classes!!! Every time I use "btn-primary" the button won't become blue, it becomes white!! Fuck! He even wrote his own fucking styles for the grid classes!!
I was so frustrated, I had a discussion with my CTO, he told me, that after 3 months, we'll be scraping this and moving to a new frontend. So I'm stuck in this hell for 3 months. -
A coworker who is not interested in getting better as a developer and he's a junior btw. Not interested might not be the right word but lazy or even frightened. He likes to give his ignorant opinion on everything, mostly on things he doesn't understand. He's ok to talk to but ignorance shines through. Now thinks that a MacBook will do wonders for him.1
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We have a somewhat experience developer for whom we have to CONSTANTLY fix his type errors. He just doesn't seem to grasp the idea that there is a difference between integers, strings, floats, etc. and that when you don't bother with them, things get a little screwed up.
Granted, Javascript's typing leaves... well, everything.. to be desired, but STILL dude, this is basic shit. Come on.2 -
One of our departments works only on Thinclients and one of my colleagues made an loop. You can think what happened.7
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Wow! This is a popular topic!
I would say myself... Many developers I look up to and impress the fuck out of me... But I think I'm still not half bad.
However, while I haven't met them, the number of times I've had to clean up the shittiest code from developers who have been and gone is astonishing... So... So bad... Like what the actual fuck... -
Started working at the same year and this is our 1st decade as a web dev, he still doesn’t know git and what Apache is.
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Hmm most incompetent co-worker? That would be the guy with a degree in IT who couldn't create a stored procedure without needing a team leader to tell him which keys to press. We were not his first employer and allegedly he had experience...
Perhaps this would be fine, learning curve and all that, for the first few weeks but when a simple select statement was still causing problems alarm bells rang loud. He got attached to the test team for a week before being sat down with the boss.... -
Recently I completed a whole year in programming. Holy jebus, I have no idea I could make it through.
I started thinking I was "decent" at this because I had taken a half dozen courses in python plus some algorithm logic in school lol @ innocent me
I'm an applied math student and I hereby declare I was the most incompetent dude you'll ever see.
I've been through so much shit I didn't realize I had a shitty boss, because one would think it's normal for a beginner to approach everything in programming because I was told to do so. Full blown restful apis, stateful redux react apps with responsive CSS using Google's material design. Don't forget to dockerize everything and deploy the swarm on Amazon cloud all the while having to run integration unit tests, make sure all the rules on your nginx are correct we don't want exposure do you know how to write a visualization tool on JavaScript so we can 3d-fy some x-ray prints and good luck balancing tight schedules with your school and girlfriend ye right lul
My manager would ask me to deliver new shit to an app I was developing mostly by my self in react (I barely even knew what RFC or ES6 was by the time I started).
I got fired from this project because I couldn't deliver by myself what 5 experienced dudes could (debatable, but still... Cuz they couldn't when they took over. Boss wanted to rewrite the whole app in a week and a half)
Turns out I got called back by the same company but to contribute in another project. This time to automate some shizzle with python.
Feelsgoodman but I want out ASAP can't stay sane for longer -
Reading through these horror coworker stories and getting anxious what my colleagues would say about me actually. I only started working part time 6 months ago and I definitely have a lot of moments when my questions are plain dumb. The recurring theme I see in these rants is the stubbornness to learn so to everyone reading these stories and getting self conscious stick to it :) having questions and facing problems the only way to learn something and get better. Thanks for the stories everyone.
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Some days I fear I'm the most incompetent. But as someone else made the comment... There are git logs with useless commit messages...
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