Fuck you Amazon.
Fuck your two factor authentication.
Fuck your PINs over SMS that take 1 hour to arrive.
Fuck you.

“If she saves you 100 GB or more inbound traffic per month, she’s the right one.”

— Some guy on Pornhub

Scrum meetings 😪🔫

The sun is shining, wife is out of town, people are having fun at the beach, there's an outdoor party going on in my neighborhood and I'm full of power.

What a perfect day to port my private projects to TypeScript.

That moment when you fear the end has come.

It's Friday guys.

- Girl: I don't understand how some people can be so foolish and decide to study computer science.

- Me: Hm, true. So what did you study?

- Girl: Tourism and sports science. And you?

- Me: Nothing. I'm a truck driver.

Dev family story

As a Java developer, I'm disappointed that GitHub does not offer free protected and package-protected repos.

I feel for this family.

* cries in corner *

Getting paid for doing nothing. Working only on my personal projects. Making a useless JS Framework that every company uses. Learning how to exit vim.

Okay, the last one may be kind of impossible.

Opening devRant in the browser

Did you know?

Critical error notifications in production are not a problem if you don't give a fuck.

A joke is like a user interface: no matter how idiot-proof, somebody will always not get it.

TOP 10 PROGRAMMING BEST PRACTICES

#1 Start numbering from 0.
#10 Sort elements in lexicographic order for readability.
    #2 Use consistent indentation.
#3 use Consistent Casing.
#4.000000000000001 Use floating-point arithmetic only where necessary.
#5 Not avoiding double negations is not smart.
#6 Not recommended is Yoda style.
#7 See rule #7.
#8 Avoid deadlocks.
#9 ISO-8859 is passé - Use UTF-8 if you ▯ Unicode.
#A Prefer base 10 for human-readable messages.
#10 See rule #7.
#10 Don't repeat yourself.

😂😂😂

-- Once upon a time in a long forgotten country, a most wise wizard created a magic software that would replace all TODO comments in PHP files with actual code...

-- But dad, that's the wrong story. You wanted to tell the story of the WTF witch who makes all JS objects falsy.

Me -- Hm, okay mister, you got me. Let's see.

Me again -- Once upon a time in the far-off country of Whatthefuckia...

Man I'm so proud of my son.

Two unit test suites. No integration testing.

That moment when you write 'bar' instead of 'var' in your JS file.

So Microsoft is buying GitHub for $7.5 billion.

I use it every day for free.

Wife discovered MS Paint on her laptop.

She asked me how long the ink would last and how to recharge it when it's finished.

I love her anyway.

Found this gem in a popular online tutorial.

Saddened that most of my real life friends fail the Turing test.

I can relate.

GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.

From a sad true story.

If you have good eyes, list C# in your skills section.

Did it!!! I summoned the monkeys. 🐒🐒🐒

Senior: Why did you refactor those ten files?

Junior: There was a method copy-pasted in every one of them, so I moved it to a utils class.

Senior: Don't you know we will have to test all of those changed classes again? Please, rollback!

Junior: ok.

... two days later ...

Senior: Why did you just copy-paste that method? Don't you know it's bad practice?

Corporate Culture™: when those seniors who spend half of their time gossiping with each other pretend to be too busy to answer a junior's question.