"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"

So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.

First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.

So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.

Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?

I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.

Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?

"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"

So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.

More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!

I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.

And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.

"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."

You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!

"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."

I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.

So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.

You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.

"Professor, my if loop isn't working!"
IF LOOP!?!?!?!! 😫🔫

1. Doesnt want to pay for server
2. Doesnt want to pay for disk
3. Doesnt want to pay at all
3. Wants the app in 1 week

These guys were studying for a Java exam...from PRINTED OUT PHONE PICTURES OF CODE ON THEIR SCREENS

You remember when I said the people near me might take everything away?

THE DAY HAS COME.

FUUUUUUUUUUU-

Do I have to say how retarded it is to take a PC and a phone away from a person who first off, loves tech, second of all, gets all her university assignments and information THROUGH an email, third, wants to be a game developer?

Seems like even telling them that I am trying to get as much informed about gaming industry as a whole isn't a valid fucking reason for why I use tech as often as I do... I want to be a game dev, you fucking morons.

So... This began by them AGAIN drilling me about the university progress. I cannot even remember my goddamn schedule, for fuck's sake! How do you expect me to remember every damn grade, every damn exam date and every damn subject name? They also expect me to study 100% of the time I'm using the PC. WHO does that?

They start drilling. I try not answering. It drives them mad. They start exploding. I try all I can to calm the goddamn situation. It's not enough for them. NO, they HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING! I try all I can to survive the situation without a conflict. Too late. At a certain point my amazingly clever father says I'm definitely autistic for trying to answer in as little words as I can. Because they totally don't give me a reason to never want to talk at all in their presence...

They got mad enough to take the phone, the PC and my headphones away.

And now here I am, writing this on a university PC in Chrome of all :|

My company just fired 20 people, and the next day instuted a program so salaried employees have to clock in and out. Of course not to effect our pay, just to keep their paranoid asses breathing down our necks. Also, no clocking in remotely so all the work I do from home won't be taken into account. Fucking micromanaging, ball-licking, scum-fuck, MBA, morons couldn't run a company if their lives depended on it. When will these soul-less, suit-wearing, shit-scarffers learn that treating your employees with respect and valueing actual work over bullshit metrics, is a better business strategy than treating them like fucking sheep to the slaughter. Fml, I gotta find a new job...

I'll lrobably have to divide this into two rants, so here we go:

The dumbest feature request I've ever head were actually a whole bunch of really, fucking stupid requests.

I was building a website for a cooperative real estate company. They wanted all their houses shown on a map, divided into particular areas, tagged with particular characteristics, so they were easy to filter, by number of square meters, area, features, etc.

It started with the database. They wanted me to read the existing real estate data, but weren't willing at all to give me the credentials. I told them I couldn't read from the database without the access credentials, but they kept refusing to hand them over to me and instead started questioning my integrity as a dev.

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU CUNTS?! HOW AM.I SUPPOSED TOBUSE YOUR DATABASE AND EXISTING DATA WITHOUT AT LEAST BEING ABLE TO FUCKING READ TO THE DB?

So I offered to start by reading data from a file that resembles the database structure, but they told me I was to set the data/table structure which made even less sense.

For weeks nothing happened, because they couldn't or didn't want to understand, until my project manager and me finally got them gathered for a call, and had a long talk with this fucking bunch of morons.

The both funniest and saddest thing was that they actually had no clue whatsoever and redirected all our request to their 'systems administrator'. He was one middle-aged guy who was responsible for PHP4 and and old ass MySQL setup on a crappy hoster, even though the hoster had long offered the possibilty to update to the latest PHP5 version.

It took another week before we got access and I got a straight 20 minute laughing fit when I saw the abovementioned setup. Loose files everywhere. They weren't even using the MVC patterns for their current big ass crap pile of a website.

But now I had access to the database. I barely managed to pull a backups of all the files and database, before that so-called sys admin of theirs revoked my access again. What a fucking tool that guy was, but I had expected that. I just got the data so I'd have all I needec for a local setup.

I build the system the way it made sense and the way we had agreed upon (as far as it was even possible, since those tools seemed to live in a weird fantasy world).

After a few weeks in which we had to pull every extra bit of information we needed out of their arses, I got a prototype ready. It was the first project I had build with AngularJS, so I was extra annoyed already, but I managed to build a really cool system with the few things I had.

* the site was fully responsive
* its center part was a Google map with about a hundred markers nicely divided into clusters which represented their houses (since a house has several apartments, which are in the same location in 2D space
* there was a list of apartments with their respective characteristics and images, so you could click on an apartment and it was shown on the map, with additional information above the marker
* I had build a script that pulled the coordinates via Google's geo location automatically and saved them in the DB, so the data wouldn't have to be geocoded everytime, whenever somebody added a new apartment to the database

I though it was absolutely beautiful and probably the most sophisticated app I had built so far. They thought it was crap. Of course.

They (read: their so-called sys admin) were pissed that I had added a new field for the coordinates to the table, event hough they told me to create the schema and all I had done was add a field to the original data and clean it up. Fucking idiot.

Also they were too stupid to use the filters and actually demanded we take them away even though filtering the data was one of the most important features in the first place. Then they demanded a feature to show the precincts their houses were divided into, but weren't able to tell us were those lay in the first place.

One of those idiots actually called me and started blabbering about street names and giving descritions of those areas. I hadn't ever been there, let alone had a map to even comprehend his chaotic descriptions. It took me ten minutes before I could get between his blabbering to ask him what the fuck he was even talking about. When he told me to get a pen and notebook to write down descriptions of their real estate precincts I snapped. I told the moron to print out a map, draw in and name the areas as exactly as possible (because obviously they were too stupid to understand how Google maps worked either) and mail them to us. I was convinced that would be the only thing they'd be capable of.

A few days later we received a list of addresses via email, without further notice what they represented and whether or how they were interconnected, so we ignored the email, knowing they'd have done something wrong again anyway.

1/2

No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING FUCKING SQL QUERIES AND CALLING IT AI!

No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING SIMPLE DATA ANALYSIS MACROS AND FUNCTIONS IN EXCEL!

Stop labelling everything as AI, you attention and investment seeking morons! @&£$¢×xo##!

(Part 2 of 2, see my previous rant for part 1)

A few days later they called us and asked whether we had been able to construct the precincts with the 'data' we'd been given. Apart fromt that I snapped again, it took those inbred monkeys another two weeks to come up with a comprehensible list of THEIR fucking data.

When we finally had it, they were almost content with what we had so far, except they were to stupid to understand how the filter worked:

Them: "When I click here, it doesn't show all apartnents anymore."

Me (suppressing laughter): "Well, of course not. With that clicm you chose to show only 4-room apartments. That's part of the filter we've been talking about for weeks before we even started."

Them: "But how do I show all again?"

Me: "Click on the same filter again and choose 'all'"

Them: "That's too complicated."

Me: "…"

Them: "…"

Me: "Really?!"

Them: "Yes, remove that, please, or make it more intuitive."

Me: "I'm not going to do any such thing. We agreed upon this. The filter was part of the original idea and design and it doesn't get any easier than clicking on an explicitly labelled filter with instant feedback. No, this will stay as it is. How else will your clients find the apartments they want?"

Them: "Not my problem, find a way."

Me (getting the project manager, because I was fucking sick of their idiocy and about to completely lose it. He's a very kind guy, but even he was pissed off and annnoyed as fuck already).

PM: "It's exactly your problem, because you explicitly requested this feature, agreed to the designs and the way it should work, and it really doesn't get any easier than that. We are not going to change that without you agreeing to a new payment, since we're already working over budget here."

Them: *rage quitting*

A few days later they accepted and added some additional ideas, because their boss had opted in. But I refused to work with these intellectual high-flyers ever again, so somebody else took over my project.

Those were the dumbest clients and the most idiotic requests I ever got by far.

2/2

"Windows is better than Java".

A classmate literally screamed that out in class.
He'd heard me often bash Windows, I was just in the middle of a friendly debate about Java with the professor, so in a desperate attempt to get attention, his brain concocted this diarrhea of a sentence. And he doesn't even know how stupid what he said was.

Fucking hell!

A few days somebody (sort of a friend and colleague) came to me, because he fucked up.

A site he was responsible for despite not actually knowing jackshit about web development, didn't work anymore. At first there were some DNS problems due to a change of the domain provider, but it was mainly the hoster's fault. I was on it, but was quite busy with other things and so he asked somebody else.

Had I known who he asked, I'd have fucking coked up or downed some really fucking strong coffee and would have tried to resolve the issue after a fucking annoying, long, stressful 12 hour work day myself, but I didn't.

I knew that fucktard from about two years ago, where he should have helped me with something, but couldn't get his fucking arse up and do what he was supposed to do and in the end tried to take credit for my work. He's some kind of C# dev, as far as I know and ornaments his CV with lots of 'lead' despite being the worst programmer I've ever met in person.

So he had already tried to move the site (which relied on some obscure old CMS I'd never even heard about before) to another server, but didn't get it to work.

No wonder. It took this intellectual high-flyer a few days until he admitted that he just couldn't get it to work, so now they came both to me, whining.

[Fucktard]: "The CMS doesn't even work!"

Me: * one quick curl check later* "The site isn't giving any server errors, it's just a 404, and the PHP session ID is set too, so I'm pretty sure the CMS does work. Did you just forget to setup mod_rewrite or did you 'accidentally' fuck up the server or CMS config?

[Fucktard]: *no answer*

Me: (thinking to myself) "Fair enough. Go fuck yourself then."

A day later, my friend mails me again: "Please help [fucktard], he can't do it alone. You can double your fee, if you want, but I really need your help."

Me: "Okay, I'm trying, but [fucktard] doesn't seem to give a rat's arse."

So I check everything again, thoroughly, even all the things he allegedly already did and among missing other obvious things this fucking moron didn't even set up the right PHP version.

What the fuck? If it wasn't for a friend, I'd fucking triple my fee. That's the second time this dumb cunt has caused me to waste my time, he's probably still gonna get paid for it and I'm fucking pissed off to no end.

FUUUUUCK!

*Facebook Hackers follow the Rules*
(real story)

TL;DR: sorry, not available, can't do spoilers

One night I was with a group of friends out at a pub. A guy and his girlfriend show up, I didn't know them but they were my friend's friends.

The girl kept bragging the whole time about his boyfriend being a professional programmer, trying to remind it to everybody whenever possible (don't ask me why!).

So, after a while, the discussion moves towards "suspect Facebook activities" and the guy starts saying that he can hack Facebook.

- "What do you mean?", I ask.
- "Hacking into other people's accounts, even with 2 factor authentication. I did it a lot of times"
- "Wait, and they don't notice?"
- "Of course not! ^_^ He's a hacker", the girl replies.

Ok, time to do a coming out.

- "Hey, I'm a developer myself. Can you give me an idea of what you did in technical terms? Did you find a vulnerability? Used a virus? Maybe a keylogger?"
- "No... Uh... Well... The secret is to read the terms of service"
- "What?"
- "Yes... yes it's all in the facebook terms of service..."
- "Uhm, I'm not really sure I'm following. Could you prove it by hacking my Facebook account? I'm giving you the permission".

In less than a minute the discussion flew completely away and they never mentioned computers again.

😂😂

"How did you do this so quickly?"

It helps when your hobby and job are practically the same. Even though saving morons with WordPress sites from their financial ruin, because they still haven't understood that their fucking website is their livelyhood and it should be updated and maintained, isn't exactly my idea of fun.

I'd rather see you suffer, but you pay me well, so I'm willing to glance over the fact that your hobby and job are also the same, even though nose-picking wouldn't have gotten me anywhere.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I hate WordPress and I hate you. Now where's my fucking money?

I fucking hate telephone conferences, and I fucking despise video chats. If I wanted to see your fucking ugly mugs, and hear your annoying voices, I wouldn't fucking work from home.

Just send me a fucking email next time. At least I can ignore that, if it's bollocks. You won't notice anyway, because communicating with you empty-headed fucknuts is about as challenging and rewarding as getting gang-raped on rohypnol.

Fuck you, morons!

Dear Steam,

Is it possible to send ONE FUCKING E-MAIL for the "items on my wish list that are on sale", instead of sending 4738258382 EMAILS FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE LIKE COMPLETE FUCKING MORONS?!?!

Rough analysis of LinkedIn inmail’s I get:

Hi <5% of time, not my name>,

I was looking at your profile <97% a lie>. I was very impressed with your <10% something I’ve never done> experience working for <5% a company I’ve never heard of>. Would you be interested in hearing more about <60% a job I’m not suited for>, they offer amazing benefits and have a great culture!

... no

I know this generally isn't a well-received topic, but fuck it – this pisses me off, so I 'm gonna have at it:

WHY THE FUCK, do an estimated 95% of all people who create English tutorials on development and programming use so many redundant terms while teaching?

I said it already, and I'll say it again, I don't buy your fucking blabbering about keeping it DRY as long as you – just one fucking sentence later! – drop bombs like 'let's extract it out'. That's tautological as fuck, you goddamn moron! The definition of extracting is literally, FUCKING LITERALLY, to take something OUT OF something else, so adding 'out' is not particularly DRY, is it?

You can stop compiling things 'down', there is no fucking compiling 'up', so there is no need at all for that fucking suffix. You can also stop 'returning back' things! Returning something implies it goes back, you fucking blockhead, just like combining and adding things implies that they will become one, so save yourself the suffix 'together', even if you added it for the sole sake of having uttered three extra syllables, in order to sound more sophisticated. You don't, on the contrary, you sound like a confounded fucking idiot to everybody who doesn't hate and butcher their language like you.

One more thing that really annoys the fuck out of me is when new sentences begin with 'so what we're gonna do is, we're gonna […]'. You can fucking leave out the whole first part of that sentence, Mr. Pleonasm.

And you can neither abstract something 'away', nor deconstruct something 'apart', and delegation usually means passing tasks 'down' in a hierarchy, so there is no need to mention that either, just like using 'as well' and 'too' the same sentence is FUCKING REDUNDANT!

Of course I could try to ignore it, but it makes me fucking mad, and ruins whole courses and tutorials for me, because it diverts me and destroys my focus with every pseudo-sophisticated, redundant term that follows.

Yes, language constantly evolves, but if this is the trend then we should add a large ass 'D' in front of 'evolution of human language'. And also yes, I'm talking about native speakers here, mainly US Americans. Keep it DRY, my arse. Learn English, you fucking morons!

Client: "Why don't we use X?"

Me: "I don't recommend using X, because it's not open source, generally pretty error prone, and we'd have to change the way we do Y in order to avoid potential future problems with Z and X."

Guy: "If done right X is actually blah, blah blah …"

What kind of idiotic pseudo argument is 'if done right?' anyway?

First of all, you utter fuckwit, what's right and what's wrong is entirely arbitrary and subjective. Second of all, when the people who sell X tell you to use it in a particular way, but it still doesn't work properly, have you done it fucking 'right' then? Furthermore, if they even tell you, not to use X with Z, how can you even 'use it right' in the first place without running into the exact problems I just told you about?

I gave you three perfectly good reasons why your suggestion is unproductive, not to say fucking stupid, and you honestly believe I'll even so much as listen to you any further just because to drew the joker of the idiots 'if used right'?

That stupid phrase doesn't even mean anything: A fucking toothbrush won't kill you, 'if used right', but a fucking gun will.

Seriously, fuck off and die. But more importantly, quit wasting my goddamn time.

When some moron decides to give your free (and ad free) app a 1 star rating because it does exactly what it is supposed to do, but doesn't do what the reviewer wanted it to.

How considerate of these arse holes to ruin an apps reputation because they are moronic.

I really wish that you could file claims for the reviews to be removed for defamation.

Why the fuck are pretentious bullshit and stupid hyperbolic metaphors so popular in tutorials and online courses nowadays?

Whenever I read titles like "Async/await demystified" I want to send the author a fucking mail bomb. There is no myth whatsoever involved in tech details you don't understand, yet. Just learn or teach the fucking thing, no need to bloat your shitty tutorials with a myriad of stupid bullshit. And a myth is a myth precisely BECAUSE there is no way of knowing whether it's true or not in the first place. Fucking morons.

And why the fuck can't I just open the command line? Why do I have to 'fire it up'? How the fuck can I take a freaking hello world program 'for a spin'? It's the most boring kind of program you could write, there is nothing to spin or fire up, either it fucking works or it fucking doesn't.

FUCK! This kind of shit annoys me so much, I can't follow tutorials anymore, because I just get fucking riled up every time!

I don't know why I chose AngularJS for my first wk60 rant, but there is at least one web technology that I despise even more, though it's not very well known: Shopware.

My favourite client has multipe online shops. It started with WordPress and Woocommerce, then WordPress and Jigoshop, then we went over to use Shopware. I hated both Woocommerce and Jigoshop, but nothing beats Shopware, it's absolutely invidious, a huge, disgusting pile of pseudo-modular crap written in PHP.

There is practically no documentation because the scammy company that's responsible for the code offers Shopware in different price classes, and uses their so-called service as bait. But it doesn't make any difference what price class you choose, because their 'service' is fucking useless. The license is really fucking expensive, but it's not worth half an ass nugget, because, if you happen to have a problem, even one that seems to be fairly common or should be solvable, nobody will help you, because those morons can't tell their own product from their flat asses and therefore couldn't help you to save their miserable lives, even if they gave a flying fuck in the first place.

The backend is a disgusting JavaScript and Ajax 'powered' mess of which I don't even know what kind of super duct tape it's kept together with. It's digustingly slow, buggy, ugly as fuck, and an utter a pain in the ass to work with.

Error messages seem to have the constraint that they need to be as useless as a cockring to a eunuch in order to even be shown to the user when something goes wrong. In two years I've created a dozen accounts for colleagues and stakeholders there – not a single one worked right away.

Templating and caching are such a giant clusterfuck that you sometimes have to wait several minutes, even on a reasonably fast server, to build the cache up for small to middle-sized setups. Shopware uses the so-called smarty templating engine, which is about the most useless piece of shit I've ever come across. It was already shit when PHP4 was still a thing and it's just as useless with PHP7.

Plugins are fucking expensive and still often don't even work right or take weeks to be patched up for the latest Shopware version. Updating Shopware means that more often than not some plugin (and we aren't even using many) just stops working and brings the whole website to a screeching halt – even the backend, so you have to SSH in and unfuck the clusterfuck manually.

It's the biggest, slowest, ugliest, most annoying virtual dirtball I've ever had to deal with, so I just had to write about it, even though I already published a wk60 rant.

If you ever have to choose whether to use Shopware or any other shop/ecommerce system, think twice or – in case you choose Shopware – thrice about whether that's a good idea. Hint: it isn't.

I never wanted kids, now a bunch of Shopware systems take the role of some extra-annoying, extra-expensive, extra-stupid and extra-ugly kids that will never reach the age of reason and will probably plague me for years to come. Never ever use that worthless system. You're better off with a hacky custon ecommerce system than with that utter piece of shit. Mark my words.

Why in all of hell's rotting demon cunts do you advertise a 25(!) hour Python tutorial for building a SaaS platform as made for 'advanced or experienced web developers', yet SIXTY MOTHERFUCKING PERCENT of it deal with basic CSS and HTML?

You fucking, lying prick!

What 'experienced' web developer would watch 15(!) hours of redundant blabbering about basic CSS and HTML usage?

Call me paranoid, but if this course isn't an obvious try to catch people who buy courses impulsively, I don't know what is. Luckily I'm not one of those morons.

Get your fucking focal point straight, you horse's arse.

For motherfuck's sake, 'momentarily' means 'for a moment, NOT 'in a moment'. Why are so many Americans too fucking stupid to speak and write their own goddamn language properly. It's probably the easiest fucking language in the world, one nuance easier and you knuckle-scraping tools would be back to communicating via a three word vocabulary consisting of burping, farting and picking your sodding noses.

You know, reading a book once on a while wouldn't fucking kill you, morons.

There is a special place in hell for all those fucking morons who refuse to understand that there is no plural for the word 'code' you're referring to when talking about instructions for computers and machines.

It's code, NOT codes NOR codez, it's CODE, you stupid fucking wankers!

Goddamn, how I hate you intelligence allergic fuckwits.

This is just my token of appreciation for the Skype devs. Can't begin to say how much I hate it. Your android app is a joke even after a host of updates, your desktop client is an even bigger joke (atleast Linux Beta version, I know betas aren't supposed to be stable but this is ridiculous).

You have reinvented chat clients to be extremely bulky, cumbersome and very hard to sync across devices. And you have managed to make it "buffer" more than a YouTube video does on a 2G network. I for one, am blown over by how you did that. And to top it all, you can't close the client on Linux atleast! All you did is just override the close button so that it only minimises it. Brilliant piece of work right there!

Why the hell can't you just close the client and run it in the background the proper way like everyone else does? Why does it have to take 20 *** seconds to open a message? The only reason I am stuck with this is some wierdos in the office still only use this. Get your shit together 😡

Ahh.. I feel much better now.

🤣🤣🤣
Somehow, my boss got his son, 19, working in a team of developers last week.
Son: i got ton of money and i dont need to do this. i inherit lot of properties from my dad.(trying to sound funny, superior, and boasting of his inheritance knowledge he might have learned in school during java class probably.)

A guy in the team: No you dont. You are like us.😎😎😎
Son: minds his own business now.

Damn that line made my day.
🤗👏👏👏👏

++ for this dude for insulting morons like this at work.
I may have to remove it on boss request if he see it. But for now hit as many ++ to show that idiot no body likes people like him.

Voice messages are the dumbest fucking shit trend that came up in years. Exchanging them is even more idiotic. JUST FUCKING CALL EACH OTHER, YOU GODDAMN DIMWITS!

But do it at home, because I fucking hate running into all you morons in the streets who constantly keep their phone in front of their faces instead of in front of their ear, blabbing away about inane shit.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! GO HOME! HAVE A CALL THERE OR I STUFF YOUR PHONE SO FAR UP YOUR ARSE THAT YOU WON'T HAVE TO HOLD IT IN FRONT OF YOUR DUMB, UGLY FUCKING FACE NEXT TIME YOUR 'GURL FRIEND' CALLS TO TELL YOU SHE CAUGHT THE CRABS FROM YOUR 'BFF' ONCE AGAIN!

People who just mention the fucking delivery service when writing product reviews should be shot in the head right on the spot, just in order to keep the human gene pool a little bit cleaner.

Fucking morons.

I recently joined the dark side - an agile consulting company (why and how is a long story). The first client I was assigned to was an international bank. The client wanted a web portal, that was at its core, just a massive web form for their users to perform data entry.

My company pitched and won the project even though they didn't have a single developer on their bench. The entire project team (including myself) was fast tracked through interviews and hired very rapidly so that they could staff the project (a fact I found out months later).

Although I had ~8 years of systems programming experience, my entire web development experience amounted to 12 weeks (a part time web dev course) just before I got hired.

I introduce to you, my team ...

Scrum Master. 12 years experience on paper.
Rote memorised the agile manifesto and scrum textbooks. He constantly went “We should do X instead of (practical thing) Y, because X is the agile way.” Easily pressured by the client to include ridiculous (real time chat in a form filling webpage), and sometimes near impossible features (undo at the keystroke level). He would just nag at the devs until someone mumbled ‘yes' just so that he would stfu and go away.

UX Designer. 3 years experience on paper ... as business analyst.
Zero professional experience in UX. Can’t use design tools like AI / photoshop. All he has is 10 weeks of UX bootcamp and a massive chip on his shoulder. The client wanted a web form, he designed a monstrosity that included several custom components that just HAD to be put in, because UX. When we asked for clarification the reply was a usually condescending “you guys don’t understand UX, just do <insert unhandled edge case>, this is intended."

Developer - PHD in his first job.
Invents programming puzzles to solve where there are none. The user story asked for a upload file button. He implemented a queue system that made use of custom metadata to detect file extensions, file size, and other attributes, so that he could determine which file to synchronously upload first.

Developer - Bootlicker. 5 years experience on paper.
He tried to ingratiate himself with the management from day 1. He also writes code I would fire interns and fail students for. His very first PR corrupted the database. The most recent one didn’t even compile.

Developer - Millennial fratboy with a business degree. 8 years experience on paper.
His entire knowledge of programming amounted to a single data structures class he took on Coursera. Claims that’s all he needs. His PRs was a single 4000+ line files, of which 3500+ failed the linter, had numerous bugs / console warnings / compile warnings, and implemented 60% of functionality requested in the user story. Also forget about getting his attention whenever one of the pretty secretaries walked by. He would leap out of his seat and waltz off to flirt.

Developer - Brooding loner. 6 years experience on paper.
His code works. It runs, in exponential time. Simply ignores you when you attempt to ask.

Developer - Agile fullstack developer extraordinaire. 8 years experience on paper.
Insists on doing the absolute minimum required in the user story, because more would be a waste. Does not believe in thinking ahead for edge conditions because it isn’t in the story. Every single PR is a hack around existing code. Sometimes he hacks a hack that was initially hacked by him. No one understands the components he maintains.

Developer - Team lead. 10 years of programming experience on paper.
Writes spaghetti code with if/else blocks nested 6 levels deep. When asked "how does this work ?”, the answer “I don’t know the details, but hey it works!”. Assigned as the team lead as he had the most experience on paper. Tries organise technical discussions during which he speaks absolute gibberish that either make no sense, or are complete misunderstandings of how our system actually works.

The last 2 guys are actually highly regarded by my company and are several pay grades above me. The rest were hired because my company was desperate to staff the project.

There are a 3 more guys I didn’t mention. The 4 of us literally carried the project. The codebase is ugly as hell because the others merge in each others crap. We have no unit tests, and It’s near impossible to start because of the quality of the code. But this junk works, and was deployed to production. Today is it actually hailed as a success story.

All these 3 guys have quit. 2 of them quit without a job. 1 found a new and better gig.

I’m still here because I need the money. There’s a tsunami of trash code waiting to fail in production, and I’m the only one left holding the fort.

Why am I surrounded by morons?
Why are these retards paid more than me?
Why are they so proud when all they produce is trash?
How on earth are they still hired?

And yeah, FML.

Fuck npm package granularity!

Who actually writes modules that consist of a fucking one-liner and have the half-life of a fart smell? And even worse, who writes packages that actually depend on that garbage? Everybody who tries to fucking defend this utter stupidity can suck my cock while I hit the three-wheel-motion on them.

How in the fuck can a one-liner become deprecated so fast anyway? Did you actually fucking think while you were writing it or isn't the LSD anymore what it used to be?

I don't want to see your fucking deprecation messages anymore! If your goddamn module is deprecated after just one blasted week, because you depend on a motherfucking package that does nothing else than what the stinking standard library can do since the nineties, then you are nothing else than a fucking dimwitted turd polisher.

I hope your freaking turd-refineries burn down soon, while you're all sitting in the midst of it taking your usual runny dumps, you confounded morons!

!dev

I absolutely fucking hate when people promise something they have no control over or don't know anything about whatsoever.

1. a) "My dog has gotten old, he probably won't make it through this year, that's so sad …"
1. b) "No, he won't die so soon, I promise!"

2. a) "In a few years, global warming will take it's tool."
2. b) "No, that will never happen, global warming is a myth, I promise."

Apart from that it doesn't even make any sense, you simply know everybody who says something like that is an idiot and probably a fucking compulsive liar to begin with.

Just promise me to fucking kill yourself, and keep your stupid promise for once, would you? Fucking moron.

One of the morons said today that we should use C because you don't need to "apply logic" in Python. Everything is automated in python. Fucking morons............

It doesn't ends here. One of the "9 pointers gang" student raised an objection. I was happy untill he said that there is no boolean datatype in C. I literally shouted "Shut up, morons. There is a whole fucking library dedicated to it." in a class of 60 students.

Don't know how I survived 3 years here. And more importantly, don't know how will I survive my next year.

P.S.: the 9 pointer guy who raised the objection, once asked me whether chrome is developed and maintained by Google?

To people who don't know how to use Linux: Just because I use nano instead of gedit or any other GUI text editor does not mean I'm showing off. Why can't you understand that ssh-ing into a server and opening a file in the terminal itself to edit three lines of configuration is much easier than opening FileZilla, connecting, downloading the file, making the changes and uploading it again. It's fine if you want to do it that way. But please don't judge me for doing it my way.

To people who are good with Linux: Can you please stop suggesting me to use vim instead, EVERY FUCKING TIME? I know it's more powerful, but I haven't been using Linux enough to have surpassed it's learning curve. Plus I google up how to use it and do use it when I have the need. Please let me be?

To people who tell me to use Windows for everything: Go suck a fat dick, you uncultured morons.

I'm currently trying to enjoy my research for building a new gaming/working PC. Trying.

You wanna know what really pisses me the fuck off? I'll tell you anyway: Fucking knuckle scrapers writing completely and utterly useless short 'reviews' about products I'm interested in. FUCKING HELL!

I see a nice mainboard, but the product description is missing some info, so as I am already on the site I look for useful info in the comments and ratings for the product first. Why the fuck do I do this every time? It's futile anyway. There are only a few few types of people there of which the rarest are the ones who actually try giving useful information like advantages and disadvantages of as well as their experience with the product.

Then there are these total cock knockers who piss me off the most:
"What's there to say? Good product"
I know, you fucking retarded, inbred pig! I figured as much on my own based on the ratings, so why the flying, cunting fuck do you litter the reviews with your stupid, fucking monkeyshine when you've got NOTHING remotely useful or interesting to say? Go fuck yourself with a golf club!

Then there are these propagandists who just have to tell the world they're fans of whatever product they're reviewing, but of course without naming actual reasons apart from that they're stupid sheep. You bought this, because you always buy this brand? You could just have said 'I'm a fucking idiot', that would have been shorter, fuckwit!

And those dumbasses who have no clue what they're even talking about, but obviously paid assloads of money for what they're 'reviewing'. Fucking shut up, just shut up, when mere writing is already such a massive cognitive overload for you. Pick your nose, as you're used to, and leave everything else to the grown ups.

And what about those fucking dimwits whose rating doesn't fit their review? Who in their right mind gives five stars along with a shit review, or a great review along with a shit rating? How have these fucking people even learned how to breathe without turning purple thrice a day?

I FUCKING hate hate idiots. Kill them all, kill them all, kill them all, KILL them ALL, FUCKING KILL THEM ALL!

My morning (RO = remote office):

Me: Your xxx implementation is very strange.
RO: Yes we are following a new example from experts in this field. See this link.

Me: Paragraph 1, use xxx class in these situations. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes we had problems with that, we decided to skip that.

Me: Paragraph 2, always use xxx when accessing data. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes that create many bugs, we skipped that.

Me: This section on debugging says to enable this flag while in development to allow the IDE to alert you to issues.
RO: Yes this causes the app to crash constantly. So we took it out.
Me: ... because its finding issues ... and telling you where the problem is, with an error message.

... your not following the experts at all.

RO: We are!, please read the link we provided.

... this will be discussed on my exit interview

What's better, [some language] or [some completely incomparable language]?

I can't even provide any context, because I haven't put a single second of thought into this topic myself. Thinking is for suckers, you know, that's why I'm pestering anybody else with my dumb questions, but anyway, I need to know right away, will accept any answer that randomly recommends one of these languages.

I don't even know those languages, yet. They just popped up in a buzzfeed article the other day, I just remebered them.

Guys, I need your help, I'm so confused, because I have never heard the words personal taste, context and reflexion.

-----

That's how you sound, you fucking 'what's better …' questions asking morons.

FUCK!

Having to deal with a lot of utter dimwits who think by sticking a finger your ass and mumbling a secret formula you can build 'a better google' in a few days.

Also, having to explain what I do to only half-interested people who think since they know somebody who fucked someone that owned a computer for a week, they know my job better than I do.

tl;dr: fucknuts, dimwits and morons.

It pisses me the fuck off and makes me cringe every time, when tutorial teachers read code like 'let v = 2;' as 'let v equals two'. The syntax is intentionally close to spoken mathematical language as to make it more intuitive to read, so why the fuck don't those stinking, shit stuffing cocks pronounce it like a real sentence in order to use this very fact to their students' advantage?

Fucking morons.

rant

The Java course at our Uni requires us to do an end semester project - A Java App with Swing for GUI and some Multithreading code in it.

They asked us to upload the code to drive. I was bored and was checking out my friends' projects.

The code below is what I saw in one of the projects. They have simply called a thread with an empty run method because the project required to use multithreading concepts, wtf.

But then, It is no surprise to me cause these are the people who memorize code and vomit code for marks.

I am worried that people are going to be awarded degrees and called software engineers.

God save the software industry!

Users aka nontechnical people, I don't ask you to become engineers. I don't ask you to learn how to manage the internals of a system. I don't ask you to be able to change the hardware of a PC, or even that of a phone.

But what I do ask from users is that they know how to operate the fucking system that they rely so much opon.

As a comparison:
Let's say that your shower doesn't properly get rid of the water anymore. You'd probably go take a look and be able to unclog it on your own.

Same thing with a computer. If you have a problem with your office suite, internet browsing or system updates or whatever, you should be able to fix it on your own. Or at least look - seriously, LOOK! - on the internet how to do so.

If you can't deal with manual system updates, a new operating system every few years (and since Windows 10 not even that anymore, nor updates or drivers!!) it's the same like saying that you aren't even capable of unclogging your own fucking shower.

YES DEAR USER, YOU ARE A DUMB FUCKWIT! I told you for 6 months already that these aren't magic black boxes, that you dear user are asking us unreasonable questions yet refuse to inform yourself about why they are unreasonable. And you expect us to do it again? So that you can sit on your lazy fucking ass and just have the system do everything for you?

Next release of MacOS, the best system for fuckwits like yourself: just a screen to look at. No keyboard, no mouse, no sockets for pheripherals. No internet, no anything. Just something that you can look at, and the system will do *everything* for you. Isn't that what you want?

Get infested with Fb h3xx0ring malware for all I fucking care! Get your fucking shitty body livestreamed all over the internet because you're so stupid to actually execute a rootkit that takes over your webcam.
Get infested with fucking digital STD's and just die already. FUCK YOU!

Has anybody ever used autobahn-js? What a fucking crock of shit library that is!

You have a Connection class/constructor function whose instances can have event handlers attached. So far far so good.

But by Jesus' filthy, hairy, smelly balls – why would you make some of the event handlers have to be attached to the instantiation properties and some can just be thrown on the instance itself which makes no fucking arse-fumbling sense at all, when you explicitly have to start the connection with 'connection.open()' after instantiation anyway.

Why the cunting, motherwhoring flying horsefuck would you make things so needlessly complicated? And also, why is there no proper feedback when authenticating? Just onopen and onclose event handlers? That's fucking useless and makes things even more complicated when you're trying to give proper feedback, for motherfuck's sake! How am I to know whether the connection was simply closed or the user couldn't be authenticated? This is fucking bullshit.

And what pisses me off the most is that I can provide fucking everything but the password when creating a connection instance. Of course you don't want to leak it, but as long as you're just prefixing other sensible methods and authenticating details with a fucking underscore making the password a fucking recognized instantiation property wouldn't have made any difference at all. Ever heard of closures and callbacks, you fucktards?

It IS an open source project, yes, but to unfuck all this fuckery would mean to rewrite the whole library.

GODDAMNED!

This is what happens when C++, Python, C#, etc. programmers who've never written one useful fucking line of JavayScript before, suddenly decide to create a Websocket protocol library in JavaScript.

Writing a wrapper for this is a biggervpain.in the arse than getting fucked in the latter by a rutting tusker.

Fucking morons.

VBA is not the language of choice for many of you. But in a big non-software company, Excel is tool numero uno, and VBA saves so much time. Almost nobody bothers to learn it, which drives me nuts already, but those who learn it, suck.
Wrote a beautiful VBA script with SQL inside to fill in excelsheets automatically.

Why the living fucks would someone go in the code and alter it? Why do you ignorant idiot with almost no excel and vba knowledge alter the range of the for loop and delete a few lines.
After that completely knocked out the file, I got a call for help. "¡Your code broke!"

These useless morons.

'I'm in a situation most of you never happened to experience, because you're not morons, like I am. Still I'll explain this situation to you here, leaving out vital details and making no sense to begin with. Then I'm gonna ask the question all morons ask, because otherwise they'd have to think for themselves for a second: what should I do?'

Fucking hang yourself, that's what you should do.

The superpower to distinctly detect arsehole clients before having to work with them, because I already agreed.

I love my job and I love building things, but I fucking despise clients who don't know what they want or need, don't listen to my advice, while keeping up unrealistic ideas and wishes at any price – except mine.

"It couldn't be more true."

Yeah, it LITERALLY motherfucking can't, you stinking, arse whoring, glory hole occupying, arsehole rimming, snot gurgling, cum snorting, weasel fingering, cat raping, copper coin rent boy!

F-U-C-K!

Am I really the only one who thinks that *nix and Un*x are fucking idiotic terms for 'Unix-like'?

Linux (and go fuck yourselves with the old GNU/Linux or Linux debate altogether) is Unix-like and last time I checked '*nix' and 'Un*x' don't fit schema for Linux in any way. Same for other Unix-like OSs. Yes, there are Xenix and Minix, but how the fuck do FreeBSD, Sun OS or Solaris fit that stupid schema? I don't even want to know how people who use that shit write regular expressions.

What's so hard about just writing out 'Unix-like' you fucking lazy morons? I assume nobody actually pronounces 'Un*x' or '*nix', anyway, because "yu en star thingy ex" is pretty long and 'asterisk nix' will twist your and make you sound fucking stupid.

I don't know how things line that get me riled
up so much, but I'm generally in a bad mood, so how about you go fuck yourself?

No, I'll not send you a new password to your own fucking homepage and I'll also not send you the reset link again.

Why? Since you are obviously still able to talk in whole sentences, albeit loooong and pointless ones, I am pretty goddamn sure that, like everything else you're doing, whatever you're doing in order to achieve your auto-lobotomy hasn't quite succeded, yet.

But that is good news, because it also means you should still be perfectly capable to click the FUCKING reset link, enter your FUCKING email address and reset your FUCKING password all by yourself, like the allegedly grown up woman you are.

Yes, ALONE! BY YOURSELF! Without stealing my precious time that you'll probably even refuse to compensate me for again, because apparently 'resetting a password is not real work' – so why in the fucking hell don't you fucking do it yourself in the first place, you COCK-JUGGLING THUNDERCUNT!

My favorite client just brought in a new team member who thinks he's god's gift to web development and design. Every week he gives me a long list of things he thinks are wrong with the website.

Now he's cloning pages of the site and adding hideously distorted images and excel screenshots of information matrices formatted the way he wants them. And he wants them published as he has made them because his ideas are obviously the best ones! (guess who he voted for)

He also claims that nobody can figure out how to purchase anything on the site, including him! Even after I've made it so you'd have to be frickin' Helen Keller not to be able to stumble over a BIG FAT BUY NOW BUTTON literally everywhere you look because this site is for geriatric senile MORONS who can't click their way out of a paper bag!!!

Working in company where part of team is located in Austria and these morons write evrything in fucking german, method names, comments and even the parameters which are sent to fronted. Like it isn't enough they even use special characters like ß,ü,ä and ö everywhere

Am I the only one who thinks Spotify is seriously awful? Spotify is hyped by almost everybody I know, but I think it's fucking awful, buggy as fuck, and man: they are greedy and annoying. But before you bombard me with "You suck, I would suck Spotify's cock, if it had one!!!1!!11eleven", let me explain, what happened:

I just felt like listening to some music, and I had just been talking about Spotifiy with a friend a few days ago. I didn't like it when I first tested it, because I thought it was too expensive, the ads were annoying and I didn't find most of the music I like (this one is not their fault, to be fair). So I thought I'd give Spotify another chance. I still had the account, so I reset the password that I had long forgotten and lost, because it was months ago, and logged in.

I was immediately confused, because I couldn't find a possibility to add an avatar to my account, but of course Spotify wants to know my age, my gender and other shit that should be none of their fucking beeswax. I remembered why I hated Spotifiy, but I said I was going to give them another chance, so swallowed my anger and annoyance. I installed the client.

Needless to say that thing is shit too. Seemed to have been crapped together as an Electron app. Then I tried to log in, with the password I had just generated in the password resetting process still in my clipboard. It didn't fucking work. Why? I thought they must be fucking kidding me, so I went back to the web GUI and saw I was still logged in.

I didn't think logging out there would or should make a difference, but since I had already been negatively surprised I logged out there in order to try again. Nothing. Literally, because Spotify didn't even log me out! It just reloaded the settings page. What the fuck, Spotify developers?

I clicked around while a big ass question mark was hovering over my head, then I saw the option "Überall abmelden" (meaning: "Log out on every device"). I clicked it. again: nothing. I began asking myself whether I was stupid or drunk.

And, before you ask, no, I the page wasn't cached, I tried that, and I also wasn't browsing a phishing site, it was definitely the Spotify site in German, I knew that before, of course, but I double checked, because I was completely flabbergasted on how a company like Spotify could have a faulty, nonfunctuoning API like that.

Needless to say I uninstalled the Spotify Client, and deleted the cookie to finally get logged out of their buggy crappy mess.

Seriously, what a shit service! If you can't even log out ... Wow. Spotify, your developers suck, fire those morons and get some good devs. Until then, I'll not be wasting time with your crappy service.

Fuck you, Spotify, from the bottom of my stone-cold heart. You suck.

In a perfect world, people who are used to declaring everything they don't understand (read: have to put more than a second of thought into) as 'magic' would be interrupted by the sound of their own cracking skull the very moment they start saying that filthy word.

Magic is precisely what it is NOT, you fucking twerps. The most important thing in programming should be logic and reason. If you really have to reside to fairy tales and fable words just because you can't fathom that something works logically, as long as you don't know how, you should really get a new job or fucking shoot yourselves.

Have you ever tried developing a Tumblr theme without becoming as mad as a balloon? Don't. It's a fucking nightmarishly annoying pain in the arse.

The annoyance already starts with the god-awful 'code editor'. The auto-indentation for new lines doesn't work properly, but to such a degree that it would be both far less annoying and far more productive to not have it at all and just tab/space your code manually.

I was searching for a proper solution to just use the Tumblr API for developing the theme locally, ideally with Webpack 2, Stylus and ES6/Babel, but as always the best solutions are already either buggy as fuck, outdated as fuck or both. I didn't have the time to build my own, so that fell flat. Fuck.

Then there is the completely idiotic asset uploader. Whoever built that thing should be poked with a sharpened stick until he bleeds to death through a thousand holes. You can upload font files, you can even insert the file path Tumblr gives you, but – and I shit you not – you can't use the fucking files because when you insert the path Tumblr gave you, NOTHING happens. I had to put the font files in an extra css file (which I also uploaded and embedded) as base64-encoded string. WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL OF YOUR MOTHER'S STD'S DO YOU EVEN ALLOW THE UPLOAD OF FILES YOU THEN WON'T RECOGNIZE, YOU FUCKING NUMBNUTS?!

But hey, that's far from being all that annoyed me. The theme I had to base my client's design on was so badly written that it was frustrating. "Well", you might say, "that's hardly Tumblr's fault!", and you'd be wrong, because Tumblr sells these awful themes. No quality control whatsoever, apparently. A monkey could hack it in, but the field on which Tumbrl grows its fucks would still be as empty as its developers heads.

When I showed a prototype of the theme to my client, already close to dancing naked in the subway wearing my underpants on my head, he wondered why the mobile version was showing Tumblr's default theme. I was baffled, because I developed the theme mobile first and had written a pretty slick mobile view, but the client was right, it didn't show. Turns out those intellectual high-flyer's at the mental asylum called Tumblr thought it'd be a great idea to override their users' custom themes with their own butt-ugly mobile theme per default, without so much as even hinting it to the user. To add insult to injury, they place a big, fat, fucking ugly bar your on top with the usual 'open the app' button, that you have to override manually with a monstrous selector, because fuck the users, right?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, TUMBLR?! HOW DARE YOU FUCK WITH MY THEME, ARSEHOLES? GET STARTED WITH SOME BEST PRACTICES IN YOUR FUCKING TURD REFINERY, YOU STUPID, FUCKING BLOCKHEADS! YOU MORONS CAN FUCK OFF AND DIE IN A POOL OF LIQUID SHIT, FOR ALL I CARE!

That was the first and definitely also the last Tumblr theme I ever built. What a fucking waste of time. I fucking hate Tumblr.

The company I work for (very big IT consultancy) has made the absolutely genius decision to put a block on the corporate proxy for GitHub. GITHUB. Because no fucking software developer ever needs to visit there. Their reason? "We don't want people publishing our intellectual property". Mate, I can fucking guarantee you that if unscrupulous bastards want to publish code against our T&C's, they will do so. Why make every body else's job harder and block it?!

But the best bit, you can submit a request (that is accepted without question) to get yourself an exemption. WHY THE FUCKING FUCK HAVE THE BLOCK IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN

To add to their fucktardery, they blocked the CDN that hosted stackoverflows css and JavaScript last year (CloudFlare) weeks after the alleged hack was fixed, and seemingly without any research at all. This obviously rendered stackoverflow unusable. Because again, why would a company full of engineers need to go there.

Morons.

"The client demands..."
Well, the client can kiss my ass first. 😗😗

"I just filled a bug report because I wanted to know if it [feature] was possible..."
Take a number and form a line to kiss my ass. 😚😚😚

All business people should do at least one programming subject, to not to think that our job is drag and drop. And to understand that we don't do magic. It's actual mental work which most of them seems to be unable to comprehend the complexity of it.
Morons.

I develop apps for a medical school. You'd think the students would be pretty bright, but it legitimately scares me that some of these people are going to perform brain surgery.

I guess the moral of the story is you're not too dumb to get that dream dev job - if these morons can be doctors, you can do what you set your mind to. And you can feel good knowing your mistakes won't kill anyone!

What the fuck is up with Windows' fetish for users?!!

If I want to disable Windows Defender for disassembling a fucking piece of malware without it intruding, while not running as admin all the time, JUST LET ME FUCKING DO IT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

If I want to run WSL Bash's root commands as admin, and invoke UAC with sudo, JUST LET ME FUCKING DO IT, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!

I'll go even further. If I want to delete fucking System32 when running as admin, JUST LET ME FUCKING DO IT!!!

No, Windows fucks think different. They think that all their fucking users are these braindead fucking morons who barely know how to turn off their PC. So there's a system administrator, a user administrator (which happens to be default user) and THEN the user can sensibly run as much as possible with user permissions, to prevent system-wide exploitation.

WHY THE FUCK ISN'T YOUR FUCKING DEFAULT USER A REGULAR USER IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING ADMIN, AND THINK THAT YOUR USERS ARE FUCKING MORONS?!!

Fucking piece of trash!!!

What the fuck

Whoever designed the McD's website for India is a fucking moron! Who the fuck adds the fucking CVV number as a hidden fucking *integer*?

Can't fucking write a CVV that starts with 0! Had to shell out fucking cash!

Who the fuck ever developed and fucking tested it were probably high AF and fucked up in the head at the same fucking time!

So I'm watching SpaceX Falcon-9 launch livestream and the counter says "120 minutes" and so many fucking people are saying in the chat "1 hour and 20 minutes to go!" Are you fucking kidding me? 1h = 60min which means that 120 fucking hours is 2 hours. I honestly can't believe how many dumb people there are... Not dev related, sorry, but fuck me.

The "guy who is good with computers" can't open a fucking .rar or start skype. Yeah sure dude, you're like the best at "computer stuff". Fucking morons.

So I just got this email from a tech company, I registered to send my CV some years ago , about a dev Job openning.

The descripition included:
Java and Angular ( first red flag )

So I go to their site to check it out ...
No https, ping the domain returns an ip from another continent with 500+ ms latency.

Major flaws on the site usability...
Super dumb password recovery method...

I'm fucking outta here dude. I might send them a proposition to fix their servers and at least put it behind letsencrypt though...

And these morons have big clients, like my bank... wtf...

I wasted half of yesterday refactoring a complicated Webpack config to use Webpack 2. It's been a month since Webpack 2 was officially released, but of course Webpack 1 is already deprecated, and of of course the docs (even though a million times better than the original docs) already spread lots of misinformation, because it's customary — no, mandatory — in the fucking JavaScript world to make fuckloads of breaking changes with every patch or minor version, though the changes aren't even imortant, without properly documenting anything.

But, hey, FUCK the users, who have to waste hours of their precious time going through the fucking code base to find out about something that was quietly changed, while not even the fucking core developers seem to have a goddamn clue what could have caused all the latest needless trouble, right? Yeah, let those idiots search their asses off, for hours instead of using the three minutes you have reserved for scratching your arse or picking your nose in order to DOCUMENT the latest changes somewhere else than in your personal fucking notebook, you cunt! FUCK YOU WITH A RED-HOT CHIMNEY HOOK!

There is not one fucking JavaScriot library, not one motherfucking third class Node module that works as advertised out of the box. Name one single fucking JavaScript library, framework or module that works exactly as shown in the two-line readme file carelessly thrown in at the last minute by some fucking moron with ADHS. You can't. It's just chaos. And since the fucking docs never ever contain what you need, you'll have to waste your fucking time looking through the codebase of a goddamn project that allegedly exists to save you time in the first place. What irony. What fucking travesty.

JavaScript's biggest flaw are its developers, and the fact that you cannot get around having to depend on things others have already fucked up a long time ago. Most JavaScript developers are childish, selfish, chaotic fucking cunts. The fact that these morons are partly responsible for shaping the language makes me wonder why everything didn't go to shit, yet.

Progressive JavaScript eco system my arse.

One of my biggest annoyances: people say 8bit to describe anything remotely pixellated. These morons could look at a black and white computer image and say 8 bit

God knows how many morons try to brag to me on how they know hardware programming because they own an Arduino, whenever I say I study Electrical Engineering.

Found this on MDN

Fuck (some of) you backend developers who think regurgitating JSON makes for a good API.

"It's all in JSON. iOS can read JSON, right?"
A well-trained simian can read JSON, still doesn't mean it can do something with it. Your shitty API could be spitting out fucking ancient Egyptian for all I care, just make it be the same ancient Egyptian everywhere!

Don't create one endpoint that spits out the URL for the next endpoint (completely different domain, completely different path structure). Are you fucking kidding me?

As if that wasn't enough, endpoints receive data structured in one way, but return results in another!! "It's all JSON", but it's still dong.

How do I abstract that, you piece of shit? Now I have to write ever so slightly different code in multiple places instead of writing it only once.

How the fuck do I even model that in a database?

Have a crash course on implementing APIs on the client side and only come back when you're done.

Morons.

While shopping for clothes, some person walking past me whispers "the computer store is over there". I get it sir, you're a muggle. But that act is on a whole another level 😅
Do they really think that programmers don't need clothes? Morons.

I really can't stand Apple anymore.

A dev I know has changed his LinkedIn job title to “software extraordinaire”

... and he’s hopeless so it’s not even true

A guy who was supposedly my teacher , out of 3 hours every class wasted 2.5 hours talking and watching videos on YouTube, it was impossible that I depended on him to learn the web , if I had I would not be on Devrant today.

That shithead who is supposed the best spent a whole year teaching me less but sending me templates and links to study at home. The fact is I had already visited most of the content and was way more ahead in time than him. This dumbfuck was one of those morons who wasted my time more than his. His way of teaching included sending content and not really putting the effort to touch the details. For everything he used w3schools.

Now when I submitted projects and had developed them on material design, he said it's mediocre , you know why ?

Because apparently this moron likes to do everything custom and he doesn't like simple design. He wants 15 types of animations and movements on the screen for branded websites. And I am fucking sure has no idea about the importance of material design.

Arrogant dumbfuck is understatement. He needs to be fucked by a peacock to understand what simplicity is.

I know many shitheads who are concerned about privacy and all show off with #DeleteFacebook trend without knowing the details.

But the same people aren't hesitant to share their information offline with a complete stranger while filling up forms at any event, bank, saloon or mall for follow up spam e-mails, telephone calls and messages.

Sometimes people are the problem and not these corporations.

We are surrounded by stupid fucktards and morons.

Be prepared, alert and aware of the surroundings because future is full of retards.

You know what's irritating? That dudes who started their degrees with me, who probably finished their degrees one semester before me (if not after), who don't have more than 3 years of decent work experience at max, are now setting their title in LinkedIn as "software team lead".

So, to them:
Like, I as a junior wouldn't let you lead a team of toddlers in crossing the street, let alone a software team! We studied together, and aside from you being literally an egotistical moron, I wouldn't trust your expertise, because you never learn anything deeper than a textbook memorization! I'd expect them morons hiring you to also notice this shit, but don't let me stop you, please, go ahead with your career! Be the lead! Let's see what fresh hell you're gonna lead us to!

You know what, I don't really care. I just have to look back so often now, to make sure you're not in charge in any shit I get to be a part of. And that sucks.

Alright, I have no idea who to blame!
Me and my Linux group at college hosted a Firefox Quantum Sprint with about 30people. And we promised them Firefox swag coz Mozilla promised us! Its been more than two fuckin weeks since we were supposed to recieve them... no swag!
Well, guess what? The local post office says "Insufficient Reciever Address". I specifically remember giving u morons More than sufficient sender address! My name, college name, college address, my number... thats enough to get me assasinated if u want and u cant send a package of stickers?!!!
Well shit.. after five more emails I havent even gotten a reply from Mozilla.. or maybe its the weekends... fuck! Why am i defending these assholes?!!
Send me ur swag Mozilla! Or I ll... I ll...
Wait.. i cant do shit!
Fuck my life! 😣😣😣

Fuck the guy that chose the colors for MonoDevelops Solarized Dark Theme!

Guess on which of the two screenshots below I selected some text in the middle of the line and on which one I didn't.

Fucking morons!

Woke up this morning to a fucking giant snowstorm and my first reaction was 'fml' , poured some coffee , lit a smoke and started checking my work mail 'Issue xxxx response : Not solvable '...what the...I go through the files on my phone , look at what that issue was : lack of proper validation , filtering and encoding of input thus enabling xss . Not solvable my ass ...simply adding literally 3 more characters to that fucking retarded filter would stop all the bypasses . This issue is a showstopper for their project and that is what they answer ?
Sorry to indians out here but some of your colleagues are as stupid and unimaginative as they can possibly ever come .

Him: "look, this is version 2" * sends a fucking shitstrom of characters * "and this is version 4" * sends another shitstorm* "now, see what's different and change your data to fit this schema"

Well, you moronic fucktard, if you can tell me what the freaking difference between these two schemas are, we'd save so much time, but you ficktard don't even have enough documentation of WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CHANGED YOU MORONIC FUCKING SHITBAG!
STOP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND GET YOUR SHIT RIGHT! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I can you about one really annoying coworker: Me.

The first thing I did as a sysadmim was to break my colleague's rc helicopter. After that I decided to learn Python, pestering him with questions once every two minutes. I developed, using the word loosely, some scripts that I wrote directly on the production servers, with predictable results.

After a while, I broke less things than I fixed. I learned a lot those years. Today I'm still amazed by the patience and knowledge of this guy; I owe most of my career to him.

These days I have a brilliant job stopping morons such as myself from breaking to many things. I try to be as patient and I hope to be as knowledgeable.

TL;DR don't fiddle around with batteries if you aren't ABSOLUTELY sure what you are doing

For my arduino project I need to use 18650 Li-Ion batteries. They are pretty awesome but at the same time pretty dangerous if you don't use them the right way. You need protection boards etc. or they can/will go BOOM.

So I am looking around Amazon to find some good quality ones and reading some reviews made me wanna cry.

People were REMOVING protection circuits from the batteries and even removing the foil around the batteries. NEVER EVER FUCKING DO THAT!

I also found out that these are the batteries used in E-Cigarettes and now I really don't wonder anymore why they explode so often. People fuck around with the batteries just so they fit into their vapes, or reduce the resistance of the coil (the thing to heat up the liquid) to an absolute minimum so they can get more watts. A side effect of this is that a lot of current gets drawn from the batteries (>20A or something) which makes them go BOOM if no protection/fuses are used in the circuit.

enough is enough
to all the fucker ass morons deploying mini js frameworks with ambiguous names and undocumented functionality all fucking minified and using at least 20-30 of them on each page
dafuq you need a different slider for every section ?

I just got my Python project working on my new work PC!!! It took all morning 😂😂😂😂😂

I had to basically hack my company so I could do my job.

More specifically, I had to install a proxy server so Python, and other CLI tools, could access the internet via our company's NTLM/web proxy server.... After some IT morons reconfigured it... without testing or providing us a way to continue using it...

Deploying to production 8pm Saturday evening.

Because I have confidence in our test suite, QA procedures, infrastructure and my team members are not morons.

I fucking hate people that talk bad about things they know nothing about.

The best thing that I have learned is to always keep my mind open.

From "Linux sucks because there is no software" to "MacBooks are just for rich morons" to "All Microsoft tech is shit" to "CS degrees are just a bunch of useless math" to "Bing sucks".

Fuck, what do you know?? You never spent 5 minutes to try them or get informed about them. You have your shitty ideas and will keep having them because you don't care about the truth... You only care about your comfort zone.

Yes, Bing sucks. I tried it. Google shows me better results.
iPhone might suck. I don't know. Never had the opportunity to try one for long enough.

Whenever you're throwing shit at something, stop and ask yourself: do I know the whole story?

[Background]
My father works as a hardware developer in a medium-large company.

We(dad+me) also design and build test equipment to be used at said company.
Usually, these are Arduino controlled pieces of harware. I write the code for these projects.

[END BACKGROUND]

One of these projects had a simple communication system over serial(human readable commands).
I wrote a simple WinForms application (which loads a config XML and has a GUI to send these commands), because appearantly it's too hard for SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS(who are writing code for the device, which the test equipment is for) to use hyperterm(or some other serial monitor) to control it, when given a step by step maunal.

I get complaints, that this application(img) is 'not working' or 'too hard to use'. I works perfectly.
All you have to do is:
1. select com port(to wich the device is connected)
2. press connect; wat until it says "connected" After that, the option to "load config file" unlocks.
3. now, select the file(press '...' for openFileDialog) and press load.
4. Now the deafult settings are send immediatly. You can then, select the options from the list on the left, and change them with the radio buttons. The changes are automatically sent.

All these morons seem to be able to do is:
1. check the "expert mode" checkbox(opens up more options(unnecessary for their use case))
2. mess it up
3. complain

My father often complains, how bad the software devs(at that office) are.
They are (almost all, some exeptions) incompetent pieces of shit from India, who take age to do anything.
I had to look at some CVs and Resumés of them(both SW and HW). ( My father is the team leader and head HW dev and had to hire an HW dev They were full of bullshit and spelling errors, bad language and more.

Tl;Dr; Wrote software for use in my dad's company, software devs to stupid to use it.

THis one goes out to the fucktards that decide to fucking change things on api systems to meet new business requirements and fail to fucking scope out the change requirements of dependent systems that YOU are FUCKING UPDATING via THIS FUCKINg API!
You fucking morons!

At least have the fucking decency or balls to walk 10 fucking metres from your stupid ass chair or send a fucking email about the changes rather then me finding out you fucktards change things through an end customer who want to know where there order is!!! FUCK!

This.

Not the worst but almost all of us (including me) handle strings like fucking morons.

If the input doesn't need to be an exact match we use a explicit comparison operator, when the input should explicitly match we do a loose comparison operator.

I'll format the crap out of a number, convert it, validate decimal places, check for float rounding hell, give it a absolute value and return it correctly formatted for the users locale but half the time I forget to trim their input. 🤦‍♂

Like I said - just a tad fucking moronic isn't it?

Password Rules are bullshit. I am the one to decide what password is safe for me. If even I can't remember my password it's not fucking safe. Morons.

I just saw a TED talk of Ed Snowden (half way through where they just invited Sir Tim Berners-Lee. WOW!)

In addition, I fucking realised that these people are gods. I am highly motivated to do stuff but fail to execute. I am fucking wasting my time and my time in this place working for stupid fucks and there is so much to create in this world full of assholes and morons.

Even though I started learning to code, the process will take a lot of time for me to be a good programmer. We all are racing against time and very few realise this.

I wish to be like Ed Snowden, Julia’s Assange, Richard Stallman, John Doe, Satoshi Nakamoto or maybe Sir Lee by contributing individually to the society, for the society.

I seek no fame or money. I just want to do good but I fail every time and am unable to contribute. If not alone then maybe with a team, but finding right people, who are extremely brutal and passionate, is hard to find these day.

ALL of them are consumer slaves selling their rights and buying above average products to compensate for their below average qualities. FUCK THEM.

We need great people like Edward and Julian who can push the human race forward. Sadly, there are no more to be found.

I wish to be a creator in this world of consumers. I am interested in collaborating with like-minded people over a not for profit cause where can we start a movement and get in more people join us to support privacy, support net neutrality and many more things related to technology and life.

Let us fucking do this.

Based on at least a dozen times I've read or heard 'very true' or 'so true' used by so-called programmers this week alone (not only on devRant), I propose that we make them Boolean values from now on.

Maybe that will show them how stupid it is to relativise binary choices as a programmer.

const IS_ACTIVE = kind_of;

const HAS_COMMENTS = maybe_i_dont_know;

Morons.

FUCCKKKKK WHY DOES LINKEDIN HAVE TO REFRESH THE FEED EVERY TIME I SHARE A FUCKING ARTICLE! NOW I HAVE TO SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN YOU MORONS! WHY ARE YOU MAKING MY LIFE HARDER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE??!!

YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!

If anyone read my last rant, I talked about how I wanted to buy a new phone with a subscription line, but they didn't allow me because "the system says you already have one and you're over due with the payments"

FUCKING MORONS, I don't know who coded the system but I will find you and bury your head in your own shit!

They use people's RFC (Mexican Tax ID number) to create an "account" and allow buying a phone. The ID it's composed by:

NNNNYYMMDDXXX

Where N are letters from our name, then they use our birthdate's year, month and day, finally they generate three unique characters to avoid ID clashes.

Well, this stupid fucker who coded the system thought it was OKAY TO STORE ALL BUT THE CHARACTERS THAT MAKE THE ID UNIQUE.

Fucking fucker...what were you thinking?

So the group announced a merge of several systems into my platform. Growing it from 5000 sites to 75000. Lead time of a year, time enough to build it properly, finish the split of the current monolith into microservices, make it fast.

Suddenly, they reduced the time to three months, no explanation given. Solution is to keep the current PHP shit pile, but "scale" it using magic hardware or something. Oh and add 258 features, including things like "intuitive navigation" and "progressive web app" which some junior PM wannabe got off wikipedia or something.

And my boss has bent over to these morons and basically said yes, instead of informing them that this is a fool's errand.

Fuck em. I've said that they're nuts, and if they force the issue, I will resign. And my team probably will too.

But first I will take an inconveniently timed holiday.

How dense must you be, to check-in files without differences to the source controll?! After being told at least 3 times politely and 4 times >>being screamed at<< to never ever fucking do that again?!

My boss does this management by neglect thing - he is hardly in the office and mostly communicates in slack. Today it got really vague and ambiguous.

So - when 4 people don't understand your slack message - the obvious conclusion is that you hired 4 morons...

F*cking morons complaining of privacy yet busy posting practically everything from pictures to finger prints and weird f*cking full details on social networks and some weird online places and platforms...😑🤕😤😤😤 (best safety, never go online)

Did your company or boss ever do or say anything as a guise to make you think the company is fair or giving you more but instead was doing the opposite? For examples...

When at every company party there is a drawing with top prize an all paid with PTO exotic vacation for two and the top sales guy ALWAYS wins.

I mean really does the company think we are that dumb? It is like the time our CEO announced instead of our 8% quartly bonus if we make EBITA targets we were going to get 6% once at the end of the year. He said that was soo much better cause we would get more money on that one paycheck instead of small sums once a quarter. Think about that one.... What kind of morons does he take us for?

w3schools is a fucking pain in the ass! As useful as a scrotum infection and twice as annoying. Fuck this fucking shit!

If w3schools was at least accurate, if somebody had at least put a little more effort into it than shitting out a third class MVC between picking his nose and fondling his niece a decade ago, I could at least live with w3school's existence, but EVERY FUCKING TIME, I search for a solution for a fucking frontend problem this piece of shit of a website blocks the results that are actually useful. FUCK YOU!

No wonder there are so many fucking morons in web development, as long as people mistake this cancer for useful information or best practice!

The fucking worthless ARSEHOLE who still pretends to maintain this disgusting pile of misinformation should be poked with a sharpened stick untill he bleeds to death through a thousand holes.

What a great day already

* Start learning grahpql
* yay it seems easy
* not 2 minutes later get message from professor to write an apology letter for that seminar that I did not attended (inner ultimate rage), and if I don't submit it I won't be allowed for the final semester of my last step of education

* wow claps for your education system and asshole "professors"

* fuck all friends who want to write their apology letter with "excuse".

* AT LEAST GIVE A FUCKING EXCUSE TO WRITE, YOU MORONS

* what graphql? oh yes couldn't continue

* checks messages on WhatsApp *

* Hey could you write me an email regarding a refund I need.

* ¯\_ツ_/¯ ⤜(ʘ_ʘ)⤏

All of this fucking shit storm and still I haven't been able to land upon a topic for the project

Oh wait, but you have to do your project in an industry, and IT HAS TO BE A PROJECT

Ah we don't care if industry allows a fresh intern to do a live project or gives intern resource and company space and invest time and effort in him/her. no we don't.

*WE WANT INDUSTRY PROJECT FROM YOU*

Why is almost every Wordpress Theme company I know just a bunch of wrecked mushroom addict assholes! Please for gods sake just get your damn documentation right and stop sticking your heads into your colleagues asses when someone is asking for support.

The next time you receive 49 bucks for nothing you dipshit think of me how I stick my fist into your ass!

Fucking morons!

Skype support bot is the dumbest thing ever. Plus, the new Linux Skype (8.9) crashes when you click on "search skype" aka searching for people and convos.
So, I tried to report this, and this dumb bot is literally throwing my feedback out the window. Plus they already got screenshots and sent it to themselves.
Fucking morons.
Why do I use Skype? Because where I work at, management is dumber than Skype's.

Sometimes i wonder what kind of shit for brains do these morons use when they secretly change the API endpoint and still flood my inbox with emails that users can't login.

I fucking hate these 230V AC lines. No, I hate the morons who wired up this apartment and didn't bother properly insulating it!

Just now I finished a bistable 555 timer circuit which can basically make 2 push buttons act like a latching switch. Also, unlike the high-power switches that you often see in power bars, these push buttons, 555 timer and MOSFET can all be put on a breadboard. It is more complicated than just putting a switch in series but it sure does offer some nice advantages. And for 5 hours of design, testing and soldering work, it better would.

But back to the AC lines. After completing the circuit, I soldered a thin wire to the MOSFET's drain and put the power rails on a 5V supply. Everything works like a charm, amazing!!! Next I try to attach the circuit to the 12V supply that I originally intended it to be used with. The damn thing doesn't turn its output off. And you know why that is? Because my body picking up the AC voltage in the air like a giant antenna generates such high voltages that it completely messes up the threshold voltage detection whenever I touch those goddamn buttons!

Whoever wired this apartment (and did a terrible job with it), hereby you shall be cursed by the evil AC pixies! Next time you ever touch electronics, you shall be electrocuted to the moon and beyond!!! 😡

I am SOOO fucking sick of being asked if our website and gaming servers are going to be GDPR compliant. All these game owners in a panic changing everything they do just to conform to this law.

Fuck GDPR. In all reality COME AT ME BITCH. The EU wants to grow a pair of balls and act like the world internet police? Bring it the FUCK on. You can't even stop pirating in your own country, so how the FUCK are you going to regulate and enforce this law on HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of servers, when your punk ass government can't even shutdown a single torrenting website.

Give me a fucking break, and shame on you pussies for allowing it. All you people running around scared acting like your private gaming servers are important. I give a shit less how much work you put into your server. I have put more work than most anyone else, but you don't see me trying to act self important as if my gaming server is some fortune 500 company.

Your server isn't important and neither are you. The government doesn't give a shit about your server so can we all just stop acting like this fucking matters. NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT YOUR SERVER.

NO ONE is going to come and sue you for not complying. GDPR is for business, and anyone that wants to argue no look it says right here it applies to all is a fucking MORON. Do you idiots stop and think or do you just believe everything typed out on paper.

THEY CANT ENFORCE THIS ON EVERYONE. They don't have the resources. So use your fucking heads and stop being so fucking scared of a law that has no resources to stop you. THEY CAN"T DO ANYTHING. EU and whoever made their polices, I DARE them to try and touch my server, I WANT them to start something with me, just so I can show the rest of the world why the Internet is still the wild west and why they have no power over me.

You think pirate bay is the only one who knows how to hide their server? You think pirate bay is the only one who keeps backups of their server to be able to re release in an instant somewhere else in the world? Bitch get real this is the internet, a place where a 5 year old can buy hand grenades from the Red Silk Road, and you wanna talk to me about your privacy? Go fuck yourself.

It's not my problem some douche bag went onto a site that used his personal information in the wrong manner. So how about you do what everyone else does and browse ANONYMOUSLY. But no it would be to easy for governments to make their own citizens responsible. Instead they have to hold all of YOUR hands, because you people are to stupid to protect yourself.

Wake the fuck up world, and stop being a bunch of whining little brats who cry for the government to bubble wrap your world so you can live safer. Natural selection is long overdue for a lot of morons still breathing air.

Since i hard problems with a slow harddrive i've been asking for a SSD. It took 6 weeks for a SSD to arrive.
It has been laying on my desk for another 4, because busy projects etc.
Last friday i decided to install it. I have to do everything about the install myself. No IT support nothing.
I've been trying to install windows on the SSD For over a day now. And now im fucking done with it. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THE SSD. FUCK THE FUCKING PROJECT AND FUCK THE FUCKING CLIENT. Goddamn morons around here.

"What the fuck did you do to my phone?" has got to be the most irritating line from a user ever. I didn't touch your phone, so just because I know IT that means I messed up your phone? That's stupid.

I live in Asia, where Pinkerton Syndrome is rampant amongst the professional workforce.

I've been approached by local recruiters who love tossing the company's country of origin (usually a developed nation from the European continent) in the first sentence of an email, and beseech me to call them back ASAP, or lose the opportunity of a lifetime.

I also get condescending emails from Caucasian 'CEO/Director' (no offence meant, I know the entire demographic is never represented by sub-samples) looking to pay below average rates.

Is getting difficult to be civil with these morons.

Somewhere without morons, and HR. 🤔 maybe it is the same?

Best experience: web development boot camp with serious and knowledgeable teachers who work hard. Classmates that are skilled professionals looking to succeed.

Worst experience: web development boot camp where the administration are jackasses. The career services are useless. And my project teammates are mostly lazy morons.

Shitadmins deport me for mentioning that their shitty site has a vulnerability in it 😒
Such morons should really be left to their WanBLowS Vusta PC only. Never get these creatures anywhere near a server.

Lead: alright people what are your ideas and updates for this page refactor we've been talking about.

dipshit: Alright guys, I've done a quick awesome prototype that I really like...

dipshit: *starts to speak super fast* (I catch words about function composition, clean, no side effects, speed, efficiency. Basically a string of brogrammer buzzwords.)

me: what did you mean by that? How does it work?

dipshit: *basically repeats the same drivel*

me: uh..ok I don't quite understand

everyone else looks confused.

me: ok since you've done a prototype, we take a look at it later

*** After meeting, looks at code ***

It was COMPLETE GARBAGE. He used 1,500+ lines of js in 17 files to make what was essentially a simple 2 item list.

We were looking at a way to overhaul the entire page, he "refactored" maybe perhaps 5% of the page.

There was absolutely nothing clean / functional / composable about this monstrosity. It was as if he read chapter 1 of a book on functional programming and decided he understood enough to call himself an expert.

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HIRED?

HOW DO YOU CALL YOURSELF A DEVELOPER?

YOU ARE SELF TAUGHT, DISS PEOPLE WITH FORMAL CS/CE DEGREES AND YOU PRODUCE TRASH CODE?!

ARE YOU SO RETARDED THAT YOU DO NOT RECOGNIZE HOW STUPID YOU ARE?

Please die in a fire, along with your jock attitude and unprofessionalism. Take this worthless junk unfit to be called code with you.

manager: “So I’ve told the client that their website should be EXACTLY the same as -“

me: 😐

The classic failure a developer of absolute secured system do is subestimating the ingenuity of stupid morons

Why the fuck are there so many utterly useless programming blogs? I have to implement DES in C++ for our college project. After coding most of it step by step, I decided to swallow my pride and check for an implementation online to save time because I was confused in the XOR part. Now most programming blogs had the same code copy pasted. To top that, NAME YOUR FUCKING VARIABLES PROPERLY YOU MORONS! I decided I'm better off resolving my confusions the hard way.

Biggest hurdle overcame in development career - is to work with morons and not fighting with them.

Before you judge me, let me explain a bit. I had the pleasure of working with a lot of really nice and intelligent people in this industry. But along with them, unfortunately, I also have experience in working with really slow and stupid people. For instance I had people in my past who has asked me to create document on how to ssh from a Linux machine or create a bucket in AWS or gcp.

In my early days, I used to get irritated a lot but now I am moron resistant and does not react very quickly on their stupidity.

Take over responsibility you fucking morons!

We are the engineering team and we cannot know how you operate our product in every detail. And for god's sake don't blame us when shit happens in production when you don't test upcoming deployments by yourself!

You know what I've noticed? I've been applying for jobs lately, and it has occurred to me that most job postings for software developer require proficiency in a framework instead of a language.

Do these people even know what the fuck they want? If I know the fucking language then I can pick up the god damn framework pretty damn quickly

😠 Fucking douche bags!

... 😧 ok I'm done

I'm getting pretty tired of all those fuck faces calling themselves "evangelists" and are talking constantly and euphorically about "digitalisation" and "industry 4.0", as if their "skills" (using a smartphone to share kitten videos and making pointless PowerPoint slides using stock images showing some stupid motherfucker with VR goggles making weird gestures) would help them to rise to the pinnacle of "the future" (as conceived by them), while those stupid shit heads are exactly those we'll get rid of first as soon as somebody develops a bullshit generator AI for technobabble (with an export function to PowerPoint), putting those morons out of business for good.

We were in the process of signing up an enterprise company. We sent them a spreadsheet requesting a list of all of their staff so that we can create user accounts for all of them. That dumb shit at the company printed out the spreadsheet and then filled out the printouts using her pen and then took a photograph of it and emailed it back to us.

Recovering a Raid 1 EXT4 disk to a ZFS disk. Thank god for Adobe programs and their multi million file-based caching files.

recovery_time.add(4.hours)

Morons flagging questions as duplicate on stackexchange without even reading it.
Why did i even bother posting there?

Can't understand how some morons manage to become professors?

Fucking travel auditors and yous stupid rules for travel reports. I've sent you countless e-mails explaining the situation and you can't fucking read?! YOU told me how I was supposed to fill the report and I did it as you told me to, but dare to reject it?!
Fucking incompetent and useless morons, you ain't worth shit! Fuck you and your stupid travel report!

week two of first internship and just discovered the lifesaver that is caffeine. bless

Wow i hate damn quora, i google something, click on a quora crap and it wants to know my interests. And i cant see what i clicked. I wonder wich morons are using this shit, i should get me a lucille like negan for Them.

So so so frustrated why is finding the right job such a fucking hassle! Landed my first junior dev job that was not what I was expecting mostly I work jira ticket written my middle aged morons to update PDF's servers that never had anything deleted from them 100k of files and about 10k folders shit you not. Don’t delete anything co worker deleted a file that took down a couple thousand person call center.

Looking at other junior positions with junior in the title and they want 4-7 years expierence at two different places. WTF if I have 7 years I would think I would a senior dev or close to one.

Just there is such a disconnect between the people who post the ads and vett the candiates to the hiring managers.

Does it get better? Started going to meet ups to meet more experienced devs in my area but still trying to find the right fit.

My company was about to spend $15,000 per month to have a mobile presence engineered and maintained from a third party. The contract was for three years, so naturally, we wanted an exit clause. When they refused, we dropped the pen and decided to roll our own mobile. Those folks are morons...I don't make $15K for month...hell, I'll do it and give you an exit clause! It's amazing how much money corporations have to throw around.

Tried to find and download drivers for a Dell laptop, but no matter what I got redirected to pages in Finnish. There's a country selector - also in Finnish. However, in my country we speak Swedish. Åland Islands is not an option in the country list, and Sweden is not called anything even remotely close to Sverige or Sweden in Finnish...so unless you happen to know Finnish you'll have to pick a country haphazardly until you find a language where you can at least understand the word Sweden. Once finally on the Swedish page, if you click your way forward on the support pages, you end up on the Finnish page again...AAARGH! Dell, if you want to be helpful then do it right! Once again, in Åland Islands, we speak Swedish. Even if Dell would acknowledge my country, making any assumptions about the user's language merely based on their geographical location, is flat out stupid! Have those morons at Dell never heard about multi-lingual countries? Or commuters? Tourists? Newsflash: In AD 2016 the world is multicultural and people also tend to travel abroad.

I know this git process is wrong buf my coworkers are morons so we need to simplify it down for them...
Me: "I need you to pull from development, your branch you're working on is very behind" (a months worth of work to be exact)
Her: "I have pulled from development and [other guy]''s branch has the fixes"
Me: "okay well I am looking at BitBucket right now and you have not pulled in months. I need you to pull"

Also... [other guy] hasn't worked here in a month too.
Yayy my life....

For any of yours who have worked with Postfix before and did it correctly.. We're unique people.

This awesome French company Afibel who can do unsolicited calling but can't even configure the mail server's fucking DOMAIN NAME correctly, among many others they couldn't!
Just check out this log entry here. I think it's a failed confirmation mail with my rant towards them for unsolicited calling.

Nov 15 12:26:26 nixmagic.com postfix/smtpd[31287]: NOQUEUE: reject: RCPT from unknown[217.108.44.241]: 450 4.7.1 <vmw-afi-co1.afibel.local>: Helo command rejected: Host not found; from=<vmw-af1-pw3@afibel.net> to=<afibel@nixmagic.com> proto=ESMTP helo=<vmw-afi-co1.afibel.local>

A FUCKING .LOCAL?!
Yeah because that's how a fucking internet server should work. FUCKING BRAINDEAD MORONS!

What a bunch of Maroons! They come out at 4PM on Friday with a QA migration scheduled for Saturday; can we please pick up our tasks. Really? It's not even production, it's QA. Can't you wait until Monday like everyone else? Morons.

Dear BleepingComputer,

Why the FUCK does my password need to not exceed 32 characters?
Why the FUCK does the login form on the login page appear at the top of the site while I've clicked on your fucking login button, at the bottom?
Why the FUCK have I waited 5 minutes for your FUCKING activation mail to arrive on my mail server and it's still not there? Does your shit server use IPoAC or what?
Why the FUCK can I not use Facebook oAuth login? I just wanted to make a FUCKING comment on your witty article!!

Fucking design choices of incompetent shit-admins.

The level of stupid is too damned high.

Friends asked me to help him fix a few bugs on a website, i have seen some interesting things in my day, but if I ever met the dev who built this site, throwing him off the empire state building would be a kindness.

For some unknown effing reason, this blithering moron thought it a good idea that the logo only appears when the users are logged in, not only that, but touching the hamburger menu button ALSO only works if logged in, at least the twat waddle could have hidden it way, but no, just makes it non-functional.

IDIOT.

Today our PM planned to deploy in production an e-commerce based on PrestaShop.
A colleague of mine mamaged to implement everything that was necessary, and I made a small script to add random sales on random products every sunday.
We tested it several times in our environment, on multiple machines, and everything was working fine.

BUT
Today we launched the script on production server, and we was a little mistake.
"A bug? Say no more pal, I'll fix it!".

Fixed, tested on local environment, deployed and.... The first steps weren't working.

"Fatal error".
That's what I got. No exceptions, no error messages, no references.. Just "fatal error".
We spent two hours looking for the problem, thinking it was a server error that was just outputting that shitty message.

And you know what? Some fucking fat cocksucker son of a bitch thought it was an excellent idea to stop the code execution with a simple and very helpful "fatal error".

"oh, wait, there is an error here, let me print die(" fatal error"), ao the other developer will be able to find what's going on", he thought.

FUCK YOU MORON.

TL;DR: Avoid French software, they are a bounch of asshole (except some goos guy..)

Fuck Sitecore (Crapcore) up it's ass! Honestly, I thought Wordpress was a pain, but crap, at least I can get it to fucking work! Crapcore is the most finicky, bi-polar, PoS I had ever had the displeasure of using. Full of bugs, issues, and half-cocked stupidity (and we're talking from the ground up).

Imagine this, let's take a perfectly good working wheel (MVC/ASP) and then let's redesign it to be the most dysfunctional crap, that would fall apart the minute a damned light breeze blows on it, oh! And let's make it EVEN WORSE...Let's hide everything behind an eff'n pay wall and gimmicks that never work! Brilliant! Now NO ONE will be able to help anyone (because no one wants to pay up the ass for this shit to begin with)! I mean, it's not enough that the "framework" is such a bloated mess that no one knows what/why things screw up (psst...it's the framework itself), let's make it so idiotic to use as well! F'N BRILLIANT!

Seriously, I can only pray that the same thing that befallen to Blackberry happens to Crapcore so that I could be rid of this shit (or find someplace else that DOESN'T USE THIS SHIT). Word of advice, before taking any job, if they say they're a ".Net firm" ask them if it's MVC/ASP or Crapcore...And if it is, run...Run far the fuck away from that mess! It would save you the aggravation, anguish, and the stress of trying to get any work done with a "framework" that seems to have been made by a mentally disabled 2 year old (no offense to any mentally disabled 2 year olds other than the mentally disabled 2 year old morons at Crapcore).

/RantOver

Morons trying to put me down. News alert (): I don't give a funk what none of you people think

Being so damn lazy to even attend one. And I don't really like that it's kind of a competiton. These things, sadly, tend to lure morons, which in the end means that you spend sitting in front of a pc with complete strangers without any motivation.

Or am I only being pessimist too much?

{
-i won't follow logging practices
-i won't follow secure coding
-i won't leverage profiling n monitoring tools
-i won't reuse best practices
-i won't listen to thought leaders
-i will outsource writing UT
-i will outsource code quality checks
-i will outsource all testing
-i will ignore n overide CTO team

But I still want high stability, security n 4 9s availability. Just want it done. My team is best. Am a fast-track leadership program leader who never has or ever needs to cod. I just know ...
}

People I have to deal with every sprint. Site reliability is not easy ...
Teaching good code makes great products to morons, toughest ...

"Beginners mind needed"

After 5+ years of IT working experience, I still cannot say 'no' to certain customers, even though they're morons and I know it.

!rant
had to give a short presentation on the origin of OOP at work. It turned into a neat little discussion on what OOP means to you based on your experience and what you've been taught. I had always thought it just meant working in terms of objects and polymorphism, inheritance, etc. were good practices.

Found it interesting that when I started reading into Simula, Smalltalk and Alan Kay's work, early 'uses' of OOP were different from each other and today. To me it seems it have originated obviously, from the desire to work with real world objects but branching off to being more closely related to the actor model and the idea of message passing.

Was wondering if anyone else has looked into this topic or has their own opinions based on experience.

Yesterday's programming failures are today's product managers.
Today's project managers are morons.