So, since I hear from a lot of people (on here and irl) that Linux has a 'very high learning curve', let me share my experiences with the first time my dad touched Linux (Elementary OS) without me interfering at all! (keep in mind that he is very a-technical)

*le me boots the system* (I already did setup a user account for him and gave him the password).

Dad: *enters password and presses enter*
Me: "Hmm that went faster than expected."
Dad: "Uhm I know how to login son, it's not that hard and pretty obvious".
Me: "Alright, why don't you try to open up the default word documents editor on here! I'll be right back!"
Me: *Goes away and returns after a minute*.
Dad: *already a few test sentences typed in LibreOffice writer* it's going pretty well :)!
Me: "Oo how did you find that?!"
Dad: "Well, there's a thingy that says 'applications' so I clicked in and found it in the "Office" section, do you think I am blind or something?!"
Me: 😐. uhm no but I just didn't think you'd find it that quickly. Now try to install Chromium browser! *thinking: he'll fail this one for sure* I'll be right back :).
Me: *returns again after a minute or so*
Dad: *already searching for stuff through Chromium*
Me: "wait, how the hell did you do that so quickly, it's not the easiest thingy for most people".
Dad: "Jesus, it's not that hard! I went to the application browsing thingy, typed 'software' and then a sorta software store icon showed up so I clicked it and it opened a windows with a search bar saying something like 'search for applications/software'. clicked in it, typed 'chromium', saw it coming up, there was a very clear 'install' button, it asked for my password, I put it in and after a little it gave a notification that it was installed. Then I went to that application browsing thingy again and typed Chromium. Then I hit enter because it selected an icon called chromium...."
Me: O.o. Okay this is going very good, now open an email client and login to your email address!
Dad: *goes to application browsing thingy, types 'email', evolution icon shows up, dad clicks it, email address setup steps show up and dad follows them quickly. After about a minute, everything is setup.

I expected this to be a hard process for someone who dealt with Windows his entire life but damn, I underestimated it.
Asked him if he found it easy/what he liked about it:
"Well, it's very clear where I can find everything, default browser/email/word document editor programs are easy to find and that's about all I need so yeah, great system!"

I am proud of you, dad!

Told us to use facebook or google drive to share code instead of git

Don't touch it...

My dad picked up programming in Java as a hobby when I started my own dev company. We pair program on the weekends! 😁

😈 cruel dad...😈

Still true

To the guy that invented NULL...
Thanks for nothing.

*This is a corrected version of the dad joke originally containing zero.

// family tech support

Dad: *clicks something*
Dad: *something strange happens*
Dad: Hey son, come over here. What happened?
Son: Hm.. what did u click?
Dad: I don't know. Aren't you supposed to know that? You're our computer genius.

dad please

"I just got out, and all dad cares about is getting one of these... 🤔"

I'm proud of my mom.... She's teaching herself WordPress and photo editing so she can help my dad's business :D

I disagree with WordPress entirely, but seeing my mom(who can barely create a new folder) teach herself something computer related is awesome.

I just found out that my dad wrote the http library (that is still used today) for Comcast... And not just that. He wrote it in notepad on an old ass Windows machine without a compiler on a vacation. (It apparently worked first try)

Programming as fast as you can because of deadlines

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

Anyone else here ever used a bit of bluff to land a job?

Here are my rubber ducks, 5 days old

My dad turned off my laptop this morning, so tonight, before going to sleep I had to tell him, not to do this.
So I decided to do this....
PS: yeah that's my mom's hair clips.:D

!rant
So it turns out that my dad accidentally took my spare laptop on a work trip. He's about as non-tech as you can get, and that laptop runs...Arch Linux. Yeah.

(call from dad)
M: hi dad
D: what's your desktop password?
M: (confused) {Password}
D: okay.
(cuts the call)

M: *shrug*

(call from dad)
M: hi dad
D: so where is PowerPoint?! where's the Windows button?! I've been at this for half an hour now and I have to edit a presentation for tomorrow!!
M: (realizes what's happened) oh...uh...dad...that's.. Linux...
D: don't you people do anything the way it's supposed to be done?
M: uh...
D: ugh! So you can't edit PPTs on this?
M: (processing...LibreOffice isn't installed on the laptop, and he will have to use the command line to connect to the internet to use Office Online or Google Slides since the Deepin WiFi module keeps fucking up for some reason)
D: well?
M: (internal sigh) No, you can't edit PPTs on that.
D: wow.
(cuts the call)

He either thinks we're all useless or that we have godlike computer skills to be able to edit PPTs on Linux. Oh well.

(He managed to use the hotel's "workstation" to get it done, so all is well. I should tell him to change his password though, hotel computers have rubbish security.)

British development domain name?
".oi"

Let me guess. I can't touch this?

!rant

Just became father again 🎉👶🏻 What a great feeling!

A few weeks off work, let's see if I get a little time for my personal projects 🤓

Dad's are the best:
My dad is a very hard working man, and he still sometimes has time to check what im doing, for example he got me my first PC when Mom didn't want one for me.
The reason mom didint want a PC for me was I'd be on it for hours and hours a day, but dad still got it for me and if he wouldn't had: I probably wouldnt be getting a stipend of being "good in it" (or something like that) and teaching other students about IT / Robotics etc for a hobby.

Thanks dad i love you.

A software engineer was smoking...

A lady nearby asked him: "Can't you read the warnings? Smoking is injurous to health!"

He replied: "We are bothered only about errors, not warnings!"

My dad finally lost all hope on me when I took my PC to the repair shop.

"Son, you're studying computer engineering"

"My apologies, papa"

What can I do ☹️ It wasn't booting at all.

Me teaching a co-worker programming.
Him:"So what exactly is the difference between Java and JavaScript?"
Me:"About the same as the difference between cars and carpets."
Thank you guys for teaching me how to answer that.

Didn't want to post it as there's been already a lot of posts like this. But I just can't help myself to rant over this. This happened yesterday. I helped him earlier with his phone.

Friend of my dad: Hey, I need your help with my laptop I bought from eBay.

Me: *flashbacks of devRant posts*

Him: Everything works. It's just that nothing comes up in display.

Me: Okay, you need to take that to a repair shop. If at least something came up on screen I could help.

Him: Aren't you a computer engineer? I bought this because I knew you can fix it.

Me: *more flashbacks*

Him: You gotta help me with this. I can't lose money on this

Me: You didn't even ask me anything before buying. Ask your buyer if they have a 30 day return policy.

Him: Why are paying this much to study Computer Engineering? I'll talk to your dad.

This people man. I told my dad and he never received his call anymore

Why did the developer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

Why did the SQL query stop working?
.
..
...
....
.....
It was part of a UNION.

Asking a frontender to build sql queries. This company...

Late night programming with pops.

This man has taught me most of what I know and I have a terrific amount of respect and debt for him, and his work.

Here's to a lot more years cranking that genius brain of his! 🥂

"People don't leave jobs, they leave managers" -Dad

Dad: "Install this apk for me"
*try it and installation fails*
Me: "I checked the repo and it's for a much older version of Android. Won't work for you."
Dad: "Don't be a quitter. It can definitely be done."

Please stop asking me for help.

Me annoying our dev:

Me: “Is your npm watch running?”

Him: “Yes!”

Me: “You better go catch it then... 🤣”

Him: “....”

I think we gatta let him go :(

Happy rant.. life is going to change forever. I'm going to be a dad! Operation : Kiddie QA team... Is underway :D

That moment your dad posts a programming joke on your Facebook haha

I just can't understand what will lead an so called Software Company, that provides for my local government by the way, to use an cloud sever (AWS ec2 instance) like it were an bare metal machine.

They have it working, non-stop, for over 4 years or so. Just one instance. Running MySQL, PostgreSQL, Apache, PHP and an f* Tomcat server with no less than 10 HUGE apps deployed. I just can't believe this instance is still up.

By the way, they don't do backups, most of the data is on the ephemeral storage, they use just one private key for every dev, no CI, no testing. Deployment are nightmares using scp to upload the .war...

But still, they are running several several apps for things like registering citizen complaints that comes in by hot lines. The system is incredibly slow as they use just hibernate without query optimizations to lookup and search things (n+1 query problems).

They didn't even bother to get a proper domain. They use an IP address and expose the port for tomcat directly. No reverse proxy here! (No ssl too)

I've been out of this company for two years now, it was my first work as a developer, but they needed help for an app that I worked on during my time there. I was really surprised to see that everything still the same. Even the old private key that they emailed me (?!?!?!?!) back then still worked. All the passwords still the same too.

I have some good rants from the time I was there, and about the general level of the developers in my region. But I'll leave them for later!

Is it just me or this whole shit is crazy af?

So I found this Turbo Pascal 4 book, which apparently belongs to my dad

All my code is hacked together and barely works and is nowhere near shameless. But I'm pretty proud of my hardware hacks. Like the sticker that holds the casing on my laptop together.

My dad has been using android for about 4-5 years now. I just showed him how the notification drop down works.

Dad: “Hey son.. I have this new software called blablablu.."

Me: "yeah?.."

Dad: "well it's not working.. there's an error and it's not doing what I want.."

Me: "okay.. I don't know.. sorry.. I don't know that software.. I can't help you.."

Dad: "you're studying computer science... you should know what to do.."

You ****ing serious?! -.-

The other day, I had a talk with my dad and he asked me about why YouTube is recommending him videos that he saw in the past or that type of ads. He is a non-techie btw.
I told him about personalized ads and so on.
Told him the "advantages" and the disadvantages of it. I even explained the advantages like if they would be so good that they are on the same level as holy things that happened to humanity. That was just to test him though.
And guess what?
He was completely against it. He said that it just brings disadvantages and no advantages at all. He was pissed that YouTube was recording his search history and so on to make a profile of him. He cares for his privacy. And I'm proud to have such a dad. :)

My dad has been using a Windows computer every day since 95. Yesterday he discovered that if you click the little tabs in the "details" view of the file explorer, you can sort the contents of a folder by name, date, etc.

I also tried to show him how to scroll with the mouse wheel, but he said it was too complicated, and he preferred to drag the scroll bar every single time.

Fuck recruiters! I told them i want to work in a bigger company and my JS are not the best.

I just drove a freaking hour to a company who wants a diehard JS'er and exists of 4! People.

Assholes!

While working, my dad would come and stand behind me. Looking at the indentation, he would sarcastically say things like "Don't you know how to write?" or "Why are you writing so ziggy zaggy? " or "All these years of education, for what?"

The first two or three times I really had a good laugh. But after that, I really get pissed off.

Late 90's, I was about 12-13, Realized the source I was viewing was pretty much the whole website. Created a tribute page for rock music. It looked like a regular ol' shitty 90's website. Then one day my father showed me it's mentioned in quite a complementing way in a big national newspaper under the web section, didn't realize till much later that he was probably the one who informed them about its existence, but it was too late, as I've already tasted the fame&glory. Thanks dad! :)

Boot? I prefer GRUB 🙃

I love my dad 😂. I asked him on WhatsApp if he could send me his Location... He sent me an Image instead of the GPS Location.

Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.

No dedicated tester means less expenses.

No personal parkspot?
No expenses!

And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!

Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.

Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.

You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.

Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.

It would be nice if you could build apps as well.

You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.

You finished the site?
Great!

But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.

All hail their crazy company!

Just found another forum message from someone that doesn't understand Java and JavaScript. They said JavaScript is the code that Java runs....I thought we fixed these people.

It would be nice if everybody could just leave me the FUCK alone and let me work.
Goddammit!

Goes to first job interview. Great interview but, can you send some code?

-Sure-
Sends requested js, css html files.

Great code, we want to speak to you again!
Goes to second interview, waits 15m, meets the sales department. Sales? Wtf?
Great interview but, can you send more code?
Errr?
We need some native JS to really make sure you can write code.

You could've emailed this request before the interview b*tch. That way id save time hurrying in rain and traffic jams!

Dad: you should buy a laptop now
Me: But i just upgraded my pc
Dad: all your friends have their own laptop, you should buy too
Me: but i find pc comfortable
Dad: what if you need to work at college? You could carry your laptop to college
Me: dad! Every college have pcs for students to work
Dad: whenever i want to use the pc, i find you there. I never get to use it!
Me: New laptop sounds good to me

Clearing the cache.
Tried clearing cms cache
Tried restarting iis
Tried browsing incognito
Tried deleting browser cache...

WHY U STILL SHOW OLD CSS?!?!

If i'd get a penny for every time i typed backgorund instead of background i'd be so rich :)

Does anyone else feel this way? Especially with no formal training?

Definitely working from home.

Meanwhile in India:
Son: Dad, I want to be an actor.
Dad: Son, it's pronounced doctor.
I know its not tech. But in India this is funny.

The other day we had a little celebration because a website went live.

It’s weird

Somehow it’s easy to spent €100 on celebration food and drinks but it’s hard to sign a €90 paper and allow me to upgrade my computer just a tiny bit.

It's always fun to compare webdesign to car sales.

Client: We want a car with 2 doors.

We: Here is you car with 2 doors.

Client: Why does the car only have 2 doors? This is very limiting and i think 4 doors work way better.

We: Okay fine, here is a car with 4 doors.

Client: Could you please check on the brakes, i think there is something wrong but i don't know what.

We: Ok we checked the brakes and they are working ok. So here is you car with working brakes and 4 doors.

Client: Why didn't you check on the exhaust? The car is generating big black clouds now...

It's never enough

me: hey dad i finally installed linux on my laptop
dad: whats that? nvm, what i want u to do is set up a server for emails
me: *slowly backs out*

dad doesnt acknowledge the fact that im diving into linux :(

Am i the only one feeling the need for a facebook darktheme?

Let's do some more of that epic coding! *Puts on Star Wars music*

Dad, I can't sleep.

Hallucinations of my father that keep taking control of my psyche and making me hack things I don't remember or shooting me in the head to break down my sanity.

Just had my first demo here. The resolution of the screen was set at 150% screwing more up then i hoped for.

I didn't dare to show the iPad version. I had seen enough bugs in those 10 minutes.

Don't put this developer in the center of attention. Please.

1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!

2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.

3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"

4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee

5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro

Don't need a cat as an avatar. I already have a real one!

Im working on a big project with a coworker that is working remotely. Basically we chat and call every day.

Today he is in the office.
Comes in, doesn’t even look or say hi.

Nice working with you pal.

My dad, who doesn't know shit about programming, but knows absolutely everything about perseverance and motivation.

Client came in this morning. Not even angry about the results so far even though deadline was a month ago. It's good to see a client as passionate about his product as this one

my dad just told me to open the ports of a NAS that has admin:admin123 login. that NAS contains all of our backups and more.... YEAH NO

how 2 get girl as programmer:

- hey baybe, wanna 01000101 tonight?

My dad thinks keeping old messages in whatsapp can make his Moto G4 phone hang.

He just doesn't understand when i try to convince him it is technically not possible and deletes old messages one by one everyday

😶

Too tired of explaining to my dad, that he does not have to double-click everything in his browser.

!rant

Need advice on coping with my father's passing . I was already very stressed out and had really bad focus. I feel lost now , I can't even cry the tears won't come out. Why can I cry for a stupid movie and not now...

Our teacher just told us to share our code via drive or dropbox or something like that, and I was there like "hey ever heard of git?????"

Dear ISP,
Thank your for throttling my internet right in the middle of a hurricane! Now not only does Netflix not work and GitHub take forever, but I can't even get live weather updates. Time to code using cave paintings I guess till the power goes out.

Sudo apt-get remove --purge hurricane-irma

Friend: "I'm so tired of coding. I've been pressured to do it since I was 9. My dad worked for Sun and he was so obsessed with coding that he even named our dogs Java and Scratch" 😂

Dad just came to me: "I have a great idea for an app you could build"
I thought "Wow.. That's cliché"

Side project of today:
Build a lap timer for my son + friends for their BMX track!

'Nuff said

Just had the shittiest job interview ever. Had to do two tests. And since i was nervous as fuck and can't do proper JS i obviously failed!

So yesterday i solved 7 tickets on my own for this project while the teammate was "testing".

Solved nothing and checked fb or new everytime i took a look at his screen.

Can comeone please fire this guy?

It's rant time!

So, as a broke electrical engineering student, I got this job in a local company. They used JSF and my skills in java were, at the very least, small (former PHP developer). But as a self taught developer this didn't stopped me and I went full on java learning (very bad year for my EE studies).

I became the 'guy in charge' for several of their projects (yeah, they did exploited broke students, I realized this far too late). I was very proud of myself, I worked hard, showed my true value, and they became impressed.

One nice thursday night, my "handler" emailed me with a urgent request. They needed an entire jsf application done by monday and the requirements were fairly complex.

Oh boy, I had a total of 10h of sleep from thursday to monday. I didn't even slept before going to my monday class, but I delivered the system. Got an pat in the back... "you're awesome"... I was happy.

6 months later: I received an email asking to fix a bug in the system. No problem with that. Oddly, this bug was a MAJOR bug. There's no way the system worked properly for six months with it. I fixed it in no time and commited the changes.

Turns out that this was the first time the system was going to be deployed. They made me go in an insane weekend dev project, and didn't even used the system for SIX MONTHS!!! I started to work my way out the company after this, aiming to open my own software company.

I still remember some other rants from the time I worked there. But these are for later.

Nice week for you all, may the sprint go gently and the clients be kind.

Warning deadline over due!Warning deadline over due!

Brace yourselves, long code nights are coming!

So my story has some little backstory.

I got into computers and technology because of my dad. He was very enthusiastic when I was little and when I grew older and started my apprenticeship as a software developer he was really proud. Note that he never learned anything like that. He just loved computers and games.

Now to the story itself.
I learned more and more, also about networking and came to the conclusion that our slow internet and rare internet problems probably come from stock/weird configurations. But my dads proud probably told him thats a thing he still has to do as the dad. But it annoyed me so much that I booted into kali linux, loaded an exploit to get the web admin passwort and cracked it within a minute. 😎

Finally I was able to configure everything correctly ( channels were spammed from neighbours so I switched to very unused and the disturbions got less ).

TL;DR: Dad didnt want me to configure our router and didnt give me the admin password, so I booted Kali Linux and used an exploit to get it myself 😎😎

Working as a new employee: no wifi. No work. 10 new tools to get familiair with. 41 new people to get to know. No workstation. No desk. No signed contract.
So far so good.

Writing 'echo var' instead of 'echo $var' in a shell has the result of the system successfully dad joking you

Me to coworkers tomorrow: best wishes.
Me to boss tomorrow: Go f*ck yourself

Old, bad quality and not mine. Still just had to share

Within 20 minutes of posting a question on stack overflow it was down voted - with no explanation. Fucking hate that site

My dad has had an android phone for about 3 years now. He just learnt that the big circle at the bottom takes you to the home screen. I love my dad.

Always on the lookout for freelance projects but can't even make a website for dad's business.

alert("Disappointing Son");

Your body needs REST and SOAP both

~ Random

Why are my projects NEVER done?

@cozyplanes birthday is coming.....
And my dad is asking if I want some presents....
But I can't think of one.
I already have decent headphones and earphones, speaker, keyboard, mouse, laptop, monitor, phone, and tablet...
I personally don't need anything now, but I want to get something.

Can anyone recommend hardware stuff for me? (not software) Mostly tech related, but if you can think of music stuff or leisure stuff (like boosted board, even tho I don't have the time to ride it), that's great too!

Will waiting for you guys/gals suggestions.

P.S. Ofc I want to get my own A320 or A350, but I am pretty sure my dad can't afford it. If any of you guys/gals have the money, please contact me.

watched first two episodes of mr. robot and it seems pretty good so far. does it go like other hacker shows/movies or does it stay good?

My dad just thought I'd grow out of my "gaming and PC 24/7" phase and didn't really care about the Tech. But when I started studying to be a dev he gave full support. "Do anything you like except ride motorbikes, do drugs or be a sailor, so long as you can sustain yourself" was the message carried across generally.

Ow how badly i want to punch the designer in his face

I was just in a meeting. Making notes on my phone. Appearently coworker thought i was on FB or something and asked if i could focus. I was just making notes?!
He felt pretty stupid :)

Last night: Wow, I just finished that massive feature and I still get some time left! Why not play something?!

Oh crap, this game is so cool but my video card drivers needs an update (AMD Radeon on a Fedora system).

The proprietary drivers don't run on this version of Xorg server... Fine, let's search for some solutions online and... Hey! Found it! Let's see: downgrade Xorg, download the driver, patch it for your kernel version...

Did I just fucked my display? Oh yeah... Let's try to fix it........

Fuck...

5am: Finally got it all working perfectly again... Fuck this game, I hate it!

Memory leak. Fuck off

Have you heard of the bread factory that burned down while sending out messages? ... They're toast.

about 6 years ago I was working for a large consulting company on a government project. I put in a change for a stored procedure that hard coded the partition to 0, except 0 didn't exist on production, just on test. several thousand government employees couldn't access it for a day. 😞

Last week: "let's build this page this way!"
Me: styles page
One day later: "no, that's build the wrong way, let's build it this other way!"

-_-'

So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...

So my dad wants to try out Linux. I’m thinking of giving him Ubuntu Budgie or Linux Mint Cinnamon... Any suggestions?

Just remembered an old dad story:

Around 30 years ago I started a game on my Commodore 64, I was about 15 at the time, and back then you had to load the games from cassette tapes.

So I started the cassette player and waited for the game to load, and when it was done I stopped the tape. My dad saw this and he asked :

- "Why did you stop the tape if you want to play the game?"

And I guess it is kind of natural for someone who used cassette tapes for listening to music, to say that :-) Still I laughed at my dad...

Best wishes for the new year. Happy 2017 fellow devs!

swag link says you need 20 +1's for stickers and 175 +1's for ball from each post. clicking on Learn More it then says you need 15 +1's for stickers and 150 +1's for ball from each post.
How about some stickers for spotting a content issue?

when you tell your boss 'we need to talk' and he looks genuinely worried 😀

Coworker; i’m soooo busy please don’t bother me.

Emailbox: full with mails from the coworker that does seem to have time to write all those

If i can make all buttons on the website manageble.

Haha just asking for 300 changes in a single issue. Wtf

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Making mistakes is the only way to learn from them and grow. F*ck sh*t up and build it back up again but better. Fall seven times stand up 8!

Developing a clothing shop and being bored. Adding clients like Napoleon Bonaparte with the comment that this person is missing a hand.

What's the best IDE you guys have used?

Setting up a local website here takes a couple of hours at least. Worst case scenario is 2 or 3 days.

I have to do it in 30m and the pc didn’t even had IIS or Sql Server studio.

So far i've been asked at least three times this week if i like it here.
I consider this a disadvantage...

Designers! Argh. I’ve been busy with a form for over two days and STILL it isnt good enough. I told everybody this CMS is a pain the ass and every element has to be positioned manually.

THAT YOUR FUCKING CHECKBOX ISNT LIKE YOUR PSD ISNT MY PROBLEM.

PLEASE THROW YOURSELF OFF A BUILDING?!

These are my stress balls for now... Anyone else?

Why do recruiters keep thinking they can contact me 5 months after i last spoke to them? Look at me LinkedIn. I have a job!

Been sick all day, got to work from home. Kid goes down for a nap, my wife leaves to run her errands. Finally starting to get into my groove after blah-ing most of the day. So of course my kid decides to wake up earlier than expected. :P

So i already worked 40 hours this week and i have still 8 more hours to go.

Made a shift from 08:30 till 23:30 and wannabe lead had the guts to tell me i could work from home.

Maybe it's not a bad idea to leave the office.

And fucking quit

A little reflection on the relationship between me/my dad/computer:

When i was younger my dad showed and taught me how to work on his (10 - 15yrs+ old) laptop running windows xp. Soon we got a simple desktop pc (those ones that took nearly a minute to start). i remember my dad sayin something like "don't download anything cause (the pc will brake/it will be a virus/...)", I don't remember exactly ... but i know that i still did it (being fucking nervous😅) and it went well😌. later me and my little sister would go to "spielaffe.de" several times until getting some kind of "virus"😅😅.
Time passed and i got passionate about pc's (programming, trying Ubuntu, reading about internals of a pc,...). It didn't take long that i passed my dad's knowledge and so here i am studying CS😎.
In the end, regarding my dad:
first he was the master i looked up to, then he became the buddy i talked to and asked for problems, then ... he remained the light user who would like to return to his windows xp era and asks me first as his personal google when something happens out of his "comfort-zone"😅😌.
And sometimes i believe my dad is becoming incompetent for pc's😂😅

Another fun thing. This morning one of the first mails i read was a issue about a bug in our software.

This was a bug i mentioned months ago but there was nog evidence where i searched like mails chats or tickets.

If people would just listen to me this bug was solved months ago but back then i got a reaction like: "works over here" while i tested it on two different instances with buggy results each time.

Just writing this because i’m stressed as fuck and i’m currently having my second sleepless night in a row...

Like i mentioned earlier i have 4 projects on my name. Two are on a real tight deadline, the other two are smaller, more support like issues.

Last week i got asked basically to get about 20 storypoints done in two hours by my Scrum master. Ehh no. Impossible. Wish i could do magic...

Yesterday i had to make a quick hotfix between the two bigger projects. Tried to reject this but had to do this any way. (It was basically the clients fault/content)

Also, f’d it up because there are current changes that are ready for deploy but haven’t been approved yet.

Do i get a f’ckin email this morning about how the progress wasn’t followed and the git permissions aren’t right.

You fucking twat! If i i did have ANY freaking minute in my planning to actually take the time for this damn hotfix this didn’t happen any way! You’re fucking restrictions only make things harder you goddamn motherfucking morron!

I'm wondering if recruiters are just as irritating everywhere or that this is just the shitty situation we have in the Netherlands.

I was once called by an unknown number and heard a typical recruiter story. Since i never heard of or spoke to this person i kindly asked where he'd get my information from. Since mr, Recruiter didn't answer and just kept selling his great position i hung up.

He called back.

I picked up the phone again and he told me there were connection issues. I once again asked where he found my number. And again he just acted like he didnt hear me and sells his great position.

Hangs up and blocks the number. Go f(...) yourself damn recruiter!

Coworker and dev lead had a discussion about newsletter implementation last friday.
I told them, i’ve tried the setup before, it’s not gonna work, it’s behind an ip-block and they need a backend person.

Lead was convinced it was possible and started drawing stuff.

End result: wasn’t possible.

People really need to start listening around here...

What's that? You committed the tmp/dist/cache field for something only YOU run locally and asked me to review it. Just GET OUT.

Lead developer about Project X:

“Focus on responsiveness. That will probably take you the rest of the week”

The next day:

“Focus on functionality Y”

MAKE UP THAT MIND FFS?!

Some times I like to think what would I do with my life if suddenly all electronics stopped working...

It's scary as shit, but I think I would survive. I have some other skills (wood working and construction).

Would you?

Use the terminal inside ide or external?

This guy... starts at 11. Ends at 16:00... And i’m supposed to work with him while my day is 9-17. No communication whatsoever. Great. Fucking great. Im boring my brains out meanwhile.

Honestly, i don't give a fck about getting job in tech companies of nature like TCS or Cognizant. So stop talking about them to be dad!

Wish he would understand that.

had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back

I have nothing against freelancers but this guy... He stinks. He is literally smelly. I don’t think he owns a shower, soap a toothbrush or a shaver.

He looks and smells like he belongs on the streets. And i have to work with him :(

Worst of all is that is is owning way more then i am.

Appearently on of my coworkers is working while having a day off. Boss answered the chat with the request to shut the pc because he’s off today :)

Started this day great with the mention that a coworkers contract isn’t suspended.

In August?

Thats in freaking 6 months. Workload is already fucking insane, and STILL you fucking decide to fucking fire another fucking person from YOUR fucking company.
This has been the 5th i think and my contract is due to July. If it is prolonged i’m thinking of screwing this company over my going away myself. Bunch of mother fucking idiots.

Ended the day great as well.
Heard that a new person is going for lead promotion. Haha.
He has been here for only two months. :,)

Left and right projects are exploding meanwhile i’m in the middle trying to cut the right wire!

Last week i had a talk with my boss. Actually he more had a talk with me. Why i wasn’t able to finish my work the sprint before. I told him i had to run not one, but two project at the same time and on top of that had to show a new coworker around.

Some how i keep thinking about quitting this shit.

2007. I was four. We had a dell pc as the family computer. My dad and mom borh had laptops for themselves and their work. It ran windows xp I think and I used it to cartoonnetwork.com and play games on it. We still have the PC so that is cool. The first time I programmed though was 5 years later on my dad's laptop when he started teaching me c#.

In a team with 7+ Frontenders. Only one is vhecking my Pull requests. *sight*

My permanently mounted sticker duck to explain my way out of coding errors.

Without any proper JS knowledge careeroptions are very limited... and i won't be able to pay my rent without a job :/

My most humbling experience was finding the source code online to the original Pokemon games. It was right after I had finished my first text based Linux console game and I was looking up other programs source codes just for shits and giggles. Most of them were simple and I learned a few simple tricks but the red and blue Pokemon were the first codes I saw that fascinated me. The addressing, the memory allocation, even the simple audio processing was simply genius. So many unique innovations and techniques. If I achieve 1/5th of the skill I found in those files, I can die a happy programmer!

If it compiles, ship it!

!rant
So I got bored and decided to drop some Easter egg cats into Google trouble reports because why not? Well I sent one off on regular Google Allo and it ran this search. None of my other cats did anything like this even with other black cats. Any ideas?

PC was slow as shit yesterday, but this is taking 1,5 hours...
So far for productivity

I have seen a developer implement lots and lots of breakpoints. For basically every pixel resolution a new one. Yes, it’s literally pixel perfect. No it isn’t maintainable in any way

A friend of me said that intel Pentium and i3 is the same, that all laptops with intel`s logo have the same processor, you just have to view the info. of yours...

My dad was using notepad to edit some HTML for his website. I downloaded Visual Studio Code and he likes it SO MUCH MORE. (I wonder why....).

Kinda happy I could help him with it. He is pretty good at coding but just hasn't done it in a while (not his trade) so he doesn't know all the new tools and such.

Heard yesterday this is my last week. I have 5 jobinterviews this week. Go!

Not sure if coffee or deadline, but i am stressed like hell today

I got my evaluation today. First time in a year that i had a talk longer 30 minutes. 1,5 hours was a bit too much maybe. After an hour i just wanted to get over with it.
Verdict: average
Meanwhile i could’ve improved my project...

Since i hard problems with a slow harddrive i've been asking for a SSD. It took 6 weeks for a SSD to arrive.
It has been laying on my desk for another 4, because busy projects etc.
Last friday i decided to install it. I have to do everything about the install myself. No IT support nothing.
I've been trying to install windows on the SSD For over a day now. And now im fucking done with it. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THE SSD. FUCK THE FUCKING PROJECT AND FUCK THE FUCKING CLIENT. Goddamn morons around here.

Say what you want about imposter syndrome - I just realized why I'm cut out for this line of work.

My intelligence is artificial.

So stress is back on. Justed wanted to work. Computer crashed.

Deadlines with Windows 10 isn’t a good combo. Booting takes between 15 and 30 minutes ofcourse. Site needs to go live monday.

Joy...

Nothing like having your hands full with work projects, then getting a message from your, not so technically knowledgeable, dad, which says that he's going to remove linux from your old laptop and replace it woth windows.

By himself.....

Tried talking him out of it, but je's adamant about it.

Should I call an ambulance?

I also feel really bad for my old laptop now

My dad needs my help with an excel sheet and calls me "Hey, need your help to do X, but this computer doesn't allow me to do, how can i do it?"
Me, who has already used skype, teamviewer and (Wahtsapp) video call several times (him too!) and got things done faster this way:"let's do a video call (whatsapp) so you can show me and i can help you better" (my dad thinks teamviewer is too complicated to use)
my dad "oh come on please, i don't have time for this, let's do it this way!"
After i tried to explain him that it would take far more time on the phone, needing him to explain what he sees, telling him the advantages of a video call right now, he ended like "ok forget about it!"
as he said that i kinda fell in a rage, quit the call myself and almost threw the phone against smth.
Seriously how hard can it be??? it's just few phone taps away😥, i would have even proposed to video call him myself to make things easier for him! But he prefers the classical-phone-way which every time takes half an hour just to understand where he's at.
It's just frustrating every time...

Don't you just love that moment when you see shit,

Flying.
In a bow.
Through the air.

And actually just starting, just starting, to hit the fan.

Three days before your deadline.

And it is crystal clear the project is gonna end up as a mess.
Total disaster.
But the best thing of all: it's not your fault.
So, you are actually celebrating the mess to come a little, and know that you can blame the guy who isn't trusting you as a new guy, and show him, with all his more years experience, he is the one who can't be trusted.

jenkins tests passing but travis failing. now travis passing but jenkins failing, aargh!

more beer needed...

the cake is a lie

The procedure of introducing new coworkers here is still not clear to me.
I hear a new person is introduced behind me, so i thought i had to shake a new hand soon. But no.

I probably get an impersonal email in about a week when he/she has been working here for 4 days.

I was promised a new pc with SSD in 2017. I got my own slow but complete pc back in 2018.

The progress is stunning in this company!

So, i started at this company about 4 months ago. So far i mostly worked in existing project and legacy code.

We started a new project for a pretty big client, and i'm the one who's responsible for setting the project up. The last two days i've been struggling with database issues. Finally got the site running locally about an hour ago.

And now i am running into troubles because i don't know how to set up a project yet since i only worked in existing projects.

Great. Can't say i'm not challenged here!

We have a external demo this thursday. We still need to merge a lot of branches and somehow get a online environment working.
It's 30C and my motivation is dropping by the hour.

At least im not the one to actually have to demo this for people in suits giving you a hard time.

But there are a lot of responsibilities open and no one is taking a lead or having somekind of plan.

So we got back the test results and there is still some work todo on the project that should already been done.

We know we have planned you in for this other project but since we have to deliver them both, can you work on two project at the same time and finish those 20 storypoints in 2 hours?

Faaaaak offfffff

Also: Windows Updates are breaking my solution. Goddamn you Microsoft. Burn in hell!

Yeah he was officially free today but he still managed to come a couple of hours. Fucking asshole go fix your fucking code damn idiot. This whole site is broken. Thanx mr wannabe a leaddev. Hope you crash with your damn racecar

in the hospital with surgery and our deployment goes wrong, so glad I work with really good people!

Spent the day with people I work with developing an Alexa skill to kick off a Jenkins job. Fun!

Schoolproject teammate refuses to pull my changes in git before applying his because he thinks we're going to have conflicts ?!?!?!

Let’s start the week great with a scrum master complaining about a functionality that isn’t working, and a coworker that’s pointing in my direction.

Go point your finger elsewhere (***)

Between android studio and Unity, which one si better to make a adventure text game? Why? (i'm learning, dont kill me please)

7 circles of developer hell

Waiting for the day this doesnt apply to me

Coworker during standup this morning: yeah i couldn't work saturday on the project because of VPN problems but i'll stay longer today.

Scrum master goes home.

Coworker, literally 8:10 hours later. Goes home.

He bugfixed another project for an hour and told me i had to work on this project instead of helping another client.

Meanwhile he's bragging about all the experience he has and telling he wants to be the lead dev.

I thought he started early but nope. First drank coffee for another 15 minutes.

This is getting kind of annoying now. Everytime i am planned for a (small) project, there is less to no briefing and nobody has a clue what to do.
Then how the hell am i supposed to?

when github autocorrects my pull request message that contains the word splunk.
(or when devrant also decides to)

Xcode and xamarin! Been busy for weeks to get the ios app aligned in each screen

So, the wanna be lead FE dev came in late this morning. I asked him if everything worked out with his home. Turned out he didn't have an appointment for his home.

He decided to see a friend for breakfast.
Now... This guy is is going through a tough time with a girl but still... wtf. At least tell your coworkers about something like this. Just made up an excuse "for personal reasons".

No he just stays away and nobody knows how what or why. Like... wtf?

Anyway, he's here now. Surfing tech sites as usual. Instead of working on the project in Jira.

And ofcourse project won't be done by the end of the day
*sight*

Mondays: the amount of typos os too damn higg!

Because i had some problems on sites in the past that were iOS specific i configured one of the leftover Macs here as a test device. A week later this laptop has been kidnapped and until now it is gone. I can start installing everything again on a new one because one of the fellow workers here is stupid as fuck

Installation progress bars that lie....

So I'm visiting my dad, he was a Novell engineer, now works on my grandpa's junkyard, and He wants to me develop a system to handle inventory and stuff, but he asks me to broom and fix CCTV cameras, and then has me doing nothing, so I'm thinking of saying

I'M A PROGRAMMER, A DAMN GOOD ONE, THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING

Thank you devrant btw for providing a nice shelter for my anger and boredom

Lol. Because there aren’t backend resources available, frontenders are now implementing Backend functionalitiet with JS. -_-‘

So ive been on this project for months. Project lead did not have a role anymore and now they decide this other guy is the new project lead. This while i am the one having to deploy everything and answer questions from mr Free Lance.

Holy crap i gotta find myself a new job, these people are going nuts.

Today is the dealine for the project. Monday is D-day basically. WHY is the manager now asking to see me code? I don’t need any more stress then i already have.

Asshole, I told you if i’ll do it your way we’ll have responsive issues. Now deal with it you f*ckhead

My planning says i’m working on project A and B this week. Scrummaster (who also makes the planning) says i’m working on project C and D.

So much for the reliability of planning here.

Saw my dad doing some frontend work alongside the devils spawn work (PHP), when I was 8 years old. Ever since I've fallen in love with programming, especially in backend work.