Details
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Aboutsigh a lot while working
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Skillsscala, java, haskell, python
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LocationRed Keep
Joined devRant on 3/17/2017
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- Girl: I don't understand how some people can be so foolish and decide to study computer science.
- Me: Hm, true. So what did you study?
- Girl: Tourism and sports science. And you?
- Me: Nothing. I'm a truck driver.18 -
Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.
"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"
"Uh... look at my beard"
"What"
"Just look at this beard!"
"Uh.... OK"
"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"
"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"
"You don't have to lie"
She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.
"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"
"Yeah"
"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."
She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"
Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."
Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.
Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"
"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"
Joanna: "No I already took care of it"
"How?"
"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"
Me: "I do miss shaving though"68 -
Friend: I hate my new OnePlus 6. It's really slow and hangs a lot
Me: I can't believe
Friend: Use it yourself, you'll know.
*Me using his phone
*Realising it was really slow
*Checking his installed apps
- CCleaner
-DU Booster
-Antivirus free version
-Antivirus pro
-Antivirus ultimate
-Battery Saver
-App Booster
-Super Cleaner
-RAM Master
*poured poision in his coffee
*enjoyed watching him die slowly37 -
Try to imagine how many HOURS of admins all around the world time will Ubuntu 18.04 LTS save thanks to this little change!13
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*my friends wanted to learn how to use linux*
My friend: "So, how do you edit this file ?"
Me: "Use Vim" *sadistic smile*8 -
As a developer, sometimes you hammer away on some useless solo side project for a few weeks. Maybe a small game, a web interface for your home-built storage server, or an app to turn your living room lights on an off.
I often see these posts and graphs here about motivation, about a desire to conceive perfection. You want to create a self-hosted Spotify clone "but better", or you set out to make the best todo app for iOS ever written.
These rants and memes often highlight how you start with this incredible drive, how your code is perfectly clean when you begin. Then it all oscillates between states of panic and surprise, sweat, tears and euphoria, an end in a disillusioned stare at the tangled mess you created, to gather dust forever in some private repository.
Writing a physics engine from scratch was harder than you expected. You needed a lot of ugly code to get your admin panel working in Safari. Some other shiny idea came along, and you decided to bite, even though you feel a burning guilt about the ever growing pile of unfinished failures.
All I want to say is:
No time was lost.
This is how senior developers are born. You strengthen your brain, the calluses on your mind provide you with perseverance to solve problems. Even if (no, *especially* if) you gave up on your project.
Eventually, giving up is good, it's a sign of wisdom an flexibility to focus on the broader domain again.
One of the things I love about failures is how varied they tend to be, how they force you to start seeing overarching patterns.
You don't notice the things you take back from your failures, they slip back sticking to you, undetected.
You get intuitions for strengths and weaknesses in patterns. Whenever you're matching two sparse ordered indexed lists, there's this corner of your brain lighting up on how to do it efficiently. You realize it's not the ORMs which suck, it's the fundamental object-relational impedance mismatch existing in all languages which causes problems, and you feel your fingers tingling whenever you encounter its effects in the future, ready to dive in ever so slightly deeper.
You notice you can suddenly solve completely abstract data problems using the pathfinding logic from your failed game. You realize you can use vector calculations from your physics engine to compare similarities in psychological behavior. You never understood trigonometry in high school, but while building a a deficient robotic Arduino abomination it suddenly started making sense.
You're building intuitions, continuously. These intuitions are grooves which become deeper each time you encounter fundamental patterns. The more variation in environments and topics you expose yourself to, the more permanent these associations become.
Failure is inconsequential, failure even deserves respect, failure builds intuition about patterns. Every single epiphany about similarity in patterns is an incredible victory.
Please, for the love of code...
Start and fail as many projects as you can.30 -
Why are the fastest laptops always considered "gaming" laptops and look like fucking alien spaceships? 😩
They're ugly as fuck45 -
If you are a developer and the resume you send me says "Certified Web Ninja" on it. I will invite you to an interview. But keep in mind, if you don't show up wearing all black and carrying a Katana, I will throat punch you and send you on your way.10
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Ok, this is a rant against some devRanters.
STOP THINKING THE ANSWER TO ANY PROBLEM IS SWITCHING TO LINUX! STOP!
I am a linux user but i fucking hate people who act like dickheads to other OS users.
-A node.js problem is not a windows/linux problem
-An android studio problem is not a windows/linux problem
-A problem with website x is not a windows/linux problem
Understand the problem and give a relevant answer, don't just spit "Use Linux" everytime.40 -
I have my reasons that Socrates once tried to understand how Docker works, because I have exactly the same feelings.7
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I had to go help marketing with a website UI issue today:
Me: What version of IE are you using?
Her: Oh my god! Did you say virgin?
Me: No, "Version".
Her: Hahaha you guys I thought he asked what virgin am I using!
*room erupts into laughter*
WTF is this high school?12 -
Replace the teachers with no real world experience with part-time workers that are still active in IT.
I had this last year in my final year of vocational education and it was amazing, I had two teachers running their business two days a week and teaching us everything on the three remaining days.
I learnt about oop without dogs and cats, I learnt to extract information from invoices to be able to create an invoicing system without being misled by customers, and much more.
Second thing would also be something we did in my previous education. It was called "learning productively".
Basically, companies would give a project to the school and students could pick one to do for a few months. You had to have meetings with the customer, you had to give presentations and it wasn't another fucking calculator.
I've had the pleasure of working with a big corporation like this and learnt a ton in my first year.
These were extremely valuable, I think I'd still be a piece of shit developer without any knowledge on how to actually develop a full system and how to manage a project as a dev.
Peace6 -
Obligatory DevRant sticker post. Cheers from Bulgaria, bowl of shkembe to scale.
I got 2 sets (one for free).
Now I need a place to stick'em.18