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Search - "loving family"
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I turned 40 yesterday. Here are some lessons I've learned, without fluff or BS.
1) Stop waiting for exceptional things to just happen. They rarely do, and they can't be counted on. Greatness is cultivated; it's a gradual process and it won't come without effort.
2) Jealousy is a monster that destroys everything in it's path. It's absolutely useless, except to remind us there's a better way. We can't always control how we feel, but we can choose how we react to those feelings.
When I was younger, jealousy in relationships always led to shit turning out worse than it probably would have otherwise. Even when it was justified, even when a relationship was over, jealousy led me to burn bridges that I wished I hadn't.
3) College isn't for everyone, but you'll rarely be put square in the middle of so much potential experience. You'll meet people you probably wouldn't have otherwise, and as you eventually pursue your major, you'll get to know people who share your passions and dreams. Despite all the bullshit ways in which college sucks, it's still a pretty unique path on the way to adulthood. But on that note...
4) Learn to manage your money. It's way too easy to get into unsustainable debt. It only gets worse, and it makes everything harder. We don't always see the consequence of credit cards and loans when we're young, because the future seems so distant and undecided. But that debt isn't going anywhere... Try not to borrow money that you can't imagine yourself paying back now.
5) Floss every day, not just a couple times per week when you remember, or when you've got something stuck in your teeth. It matters, even if you're in your 20s and you've never had a cavity.
6) You'll always hear about living in the moment, seizing the day... It's tough to actually do. But there's something to be said for looking inward, and trying to recognize when too much of our attention is focused elsewhere. Constantly serving the future won't always pay off, at least not in the ways we think it will when we're young.
This sentiment doesn't have much value when it's put in abstract, existential terms, like it usually is. The best you can do is try to be aware of your own willingness and ability to be open to experiences. Think about ways in which you might be rejecting the here and now, even if it's as seemingly-benign as not going out with some friends because you just saw them, or you already went to that place they're going to. We won't recognize the good old days for what they were until they're already gone. The trick is having as many good days as possible.
7) Don't start smoking; you'll never quit as soon as you'll think you can. If you do start, make yourself quit after a couple years, no matter what. Keep your vices in check; drugs and alcohol in moderation. Use condoms, use birth control.
8) Don't make love wait. Tell your friends and family you love them often, and show them when you can. You're going to lose people, so it's important. Statistically, some of you will die young, yourselves.
When it comes to relationships, don't settle if you can't tell yourself you're in love, and totally believe it. Don't let complacency and familiarity get in the way of pursuing love. Don't be afraid to end relationships because they're comfortable, or because you've already invested so much into them.
Being young is a gift, and it won't last forever. You need to use that gift to experience all the love that you can, at least as a means to finding the person you really want to grow old with, if that's what you want. Regardless, you don't want to miss out on loving someone, and being loved, because of fear. Don't be reckless; just be honest with yourself.
9) Take care of your body. Neglecting it makes everything tougher. That doesn't mean you have to work out every day and eat like a nutritionist, but if you're overweight or you have health issues, do what you can to fix it. Losing weight isn't easy, but it's not as hard as people make it out to be. And it's one of the most important things you can do to invest in a healthy adulthood.
Don't put off nagging health issues because you think you'll be fine, or you don't think you'll be able to afford it, or you're scared of the outcome. There will always be options, until there aren't. Most people never get to the no-options part. Or, they get there because all the other options expired.
10) Few things will haunt you like regret. Making the wrong choice, for example, usually won't hurt as much. I guess you can regret making the wrong choice, but my deepest regrets come from inaction, complacency and indifference.
So how can we avoid regret? I don't know, lol. I don't think it's as simple as just commiting to choices... Choosing to do nothing is still a choice, after all. I think it's more about listening to your gut, as cliche as that sounds.
To thine own self be true, I guess. It's worth a shot, even if you fail. Almost anything is better than regret.12 -
The last 5 months have been tough.... My boss ( who was a close friend) quit and I become interim department head... Trying to run a team who didn't seem happy I'd taken the reigns.
At the same time my wife's ongoing battle with her anxiety had gotten worse and she really needed my help with everything possible at home..
In March I was confirmed as the HoD but I was still doing 3 to 4 days a week on client delivery, trying to support all presales activities, manage a team of 10 people, travel for work and support my family....😩
It really got to me and I was close to breaking... The worry of not replying to an email ASAP no matter what time of day would eat me up, working late every night... It got too much and I was running on fumes with my weekends just me completely wiped out and useless to the family. 😓
.....But.....
I had a escape last weekend to a 🍻 beer 🍻 festival with friends that I was considering not going too and just losing the money but the wife made me go...
And it broke me even more... So much that its somehow put the pieces back in the right order in my brain and snapped me out of my major rut!
Somehow, sitting with friends, making stupid jokes, drinking way too much and blocking out all the work crap gave my brain the hard reset it needed. 🤟
This week I've come back a different person ( wife's words) work is a breeze, exciting and encouraging.... 👊
I can't get enough of playing silly games with my kids all night
And couldn't feel any more positive about things if I tried.... Set that spark back for my wife too! 😏💏
So.... After that long rant 👀
Tl;Dr - work and life got too much... Close to giving up... Too much beer with good company gave me a hard reset and I feel like a new person.... 👍
Plus the team is now loving the new direction and strategy too 👔
Who says drinking is bad for you? 😂🍻11 -
Parents were awesome. Super supportive, gave me every opportunity. They were open-minded loving people who eschewed personal vice and property to give us a start. They never once abused any of us, and in a family with three girls, we were encouraged to break the mould. We were shown that women could be more than just support to our spouses and baby factories, and more than part time labor in family enteprise.
Thusly my ascendance to a life as an engineer was assured and fully supported by these wonderful people whose folkright earnestness never once inhibited their progressive encouragement of our success as human beings, not just professionals.
And if you believe that, I have a bridge for sale in San Francisco you might be interested in.
I wrote on this topic before it was cool 😋
https://devrant.com/rants/2862837 -
Loving the absolute chaos just been caused by Meta shitting itself 😂 apart from the fact I've just had about 5 texts from family asking me to fix it 🤦14
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Yeah. Kinda late to the WK 227 party.
Thing is: I've read a lot of rants and honestly, some of the rants were ... touchy.
Like that weird emotional thingy you don't like but that just kind of happens cause I'm human too.... And have that shitty emotional feature integrated, which feels most of the time like a heisenbug.
Me and my parents. Specifically mom. Are like ... Matter and antimatter.
You don't want them in a room. Bad things happen TM. My mom is responsible for ... Let's say severe psychological trauma starting with age 4 to age 17.
In 17 I moved out and lived on "my own" (truth: on heavy support, cause I wasn't what you'd called "psychologically stable" at that time).
I fucked up university and - as shared before - thanks to an math teacher who made my life an even more living hell and my parents, I'd started in IT mostly out of "resisting" certain assertations being made over my life.
The support I got from my family can be put together in one sentence:
"I survived, I tolerated - but will never forgive".
Thing is: Be it IT support or anything else. If your gut feeling tells you that family / coworkers / friends are not good for you.
Stay the fuck away from them till you've sorted yourself out.
I can tolerate my parents nowadays. Took > 10 years and a lot of hardships to "achieve" that.
It's not peachy. It's not loving. It's tolerance. (Yeah. That bit is muey importante to me).
The thing is: I cannot deny the fact that my parents tried to support me by money. That's what they still do _nowadays_ even though my income is like 60 % of the income my father and mother has combined... It's a bothersome detail.
There's a certain thing in this rant that I would like "to pass on": Emotional support matters.
When you let someone feel like an empty shell, you cannot fix it with money.
It will - severely - destroy the person.
TLDR: We all have rough edges, can be hard to deal with and be a pain in the arse, but all of us need emotional support sometimes. That's what matters the most. ;)1 -
I was a Project Manager, studied my a$$ off at 38 to become a mobile developer. Built production apps in Java, React Native. I've studied Kotlin and Flutter. Then my company almost went belly up and I had to scramble to find a job to support my family. Back to being a PM which I hate. Started with Swift because my son is old enough to play with Swift Playgrounds and thinking about making a break back into dev. Every post I see on Twitter is about Flutter, maybe RN, but not much Native iOS. Is it wrong that I'm loving it thus far? What's the future for Native iOS and Android developers?5
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!rant
I’m really loving being a contractor and working for myself.
Currently waiting for the client to order the next lot of work, so that means today I got to go out, go swimming, walk down the seafront and just generally have a nice day out in the sun with friends and family.
I can’t believe I didn’t try this whole remote contractor thing sooner.4 -
I got enrolled in 'extracurricular activity' in second grade of my elementary school. We were playing some games at first, but later teacher started to show us programming and explained the matter very well considering we all were 8 y olds. I got interested and while others would play games I was coding and solved assignments teacher gave us.
My family thought that computer will make me stupid, thinking it was made just for playing games. They promised me to get me the computer if I had highest grades in school. I did, not all of them but tried really hard to be the best, despite that I waited for years and still being close to have aced every subject in the meantime.
I got my first computer when I was 16.
Since that day I was constantly reminded that I am wasting my life away sitting at this stupid box.
Later when I got the job that was well payed, they acknowledged that they were wrong to do that for majority of my life.
My parents are unable to explain what I do at the job as they were never interested in what I really do. "Something with computers" is most common answer you can hear from them.
My parents are non-technical people and they still don't understand how that box works and God forbid that they buy something online. My father even rejects to use smartphone.
They also thought that I'm no college material despite always being in top 5 students of the year (not class, but whole year).
They had other plans for me, but I was aware of that and didn't gave a f00ck about what they want with my life. I knew what I want and that was all exactly opposite of what my parents would like.
I was not the child they wanted, but was good son, even helped them and worked student jobs to pay some bills and to help them financially and still they struggled so hard to find some flaw to my character and decisions just to make their point but more than often failed miserably and just proved how wrong they were and how they don't think anything trough.
Only one who really supported me was my elder sister as she knew I was doing the right thing! She also did it her way and I am proud of her as both of us were dealing with 2 tough customers.
long rant, but wanted to add one more thing, I was never into sport, but was training tae kwon do and was really into it and was decent at it among my peers. When I was going to national competition, on my way out of the house all I got from my parents was: "why are you even going there when you will immediately loose, is it just to travel a bit?"
TL;DR: my family supported me less in my life than worst phone call you had with IT support at your worse ISP!4 -
!tech
( sorry to those who have to bear with my non tech posts that i put too often. my tech/work life has been fine so far, its my personal life that is fucked up and venting it anonymously gives me some peace/solutions)
I sometimes feel that being brought up in a loveless home where i have only seen parents fighting and throwing abuses/stuff at each other, i haven't got the knowledge about how to raise a loving family.
The only goal we seem to have is to fight out our misery-filled, middle class life, and keep running for getting wealth.
Le my parents:
- Go outside in evenings/weekends? nah why bother, we don't wanna see each others' faces
- Spend time/ share room together? nah why bother, we don't wanna see each others' faces
- Family trip? nah why bother, we don't wanna see each others' faces . We can take our trips separately with our our religious/work friends
- visit relatives? nah why bother, relatives are bad.
I am not blessed with a lot of relationships, so i like to compare each of the bonds i got. I am playing the role of a son/single child and friends of some dudes. I am currently not playing the role of a lover, so i don't know about it, but my relationship with my friends is more exciting than mine with my family.
Those guys just wanna do everything together if it had been in there hands. 3 out of our 5 guy gang has joined the same group, 2 of them live on the same rented floor , and 2 of them work in same office. They want to keep their 24 hrs as a chill gang hanging together, but we somehow have restricted our group hangouts to weekends.
Even then , whenever we meet, its like we won't go back till 2 am. useless banter, cussing, daring stuff , etc. life is exciting with my boys .
I feel this kind of energy is something i would want in any of my relationship. but i have no idea how people create this magic in groups of 2. i am usually the most boring person to talk to, when i am alone. because i simply don't know how 2 people who vow to spend their lives together can keep each other happy, interested and content
I feel this is such a disastrous thing in my life that i won't be able to sustain any relationship/family even if i somehow get one :/2