Client: it's not working
Me: clear your cache
Client: what's that
Me:it's a way of cleaning the files of your computer to get new ones.
Client: I cleaned my mac

I mean she literally got cleaning wipes ... and cleaned her computer

P.s I told her all this before and how to many, many times

Hopefully the last part of my job hunting for now! Had a good call with the boss and heard from the recruiter that I'm the preferred candidate because we had (the boss and I) a real 'click'.

It's now between me and one other person.

Man I am nervous! Will hear it today or tomorrow!

Thank you sooooo much for giving me a list of six tutorial videos you expect me to record by tomorrow, before I leave the company. It shouldn't be too hard, you say, having never ever gone through any of the processes before. Oh, and this is in addition to the big video tutorial which you asked for this afternoon that you expect by Friday morning. Not to mention the eight separate projects I still need to write documentation for. Oh, and this all would have been much smoother if this company would have given me time to work out all this documentation earlier instead of waiting until after I turned in my two weeks to take documentation seriously.

I guess I'll be lucky if I only have to deal with these things tomorrow. But given your penchant for pulling me off my main projects to deal with bullshit tangents, I bet that ain't going to happen. And I bet you're still going to flood me with calls on Monday morning, as I start my brand new job.

Waiting for devRant to send me a sweet sticker which will go here and make me proud!!! 😻

When your girlfriend calls you a nerd for getting excited after earning free laptop stickers

Geeky way to reach out to the girl/guy you have a crush on.

- Did someone tested it on our test machines?
- No there was no time to do this.
*preparing for nuclear fallout from customer in 3..2..1..*

Seriously, why? WHHHYYYY?

US-date-format sucks, every FUCKING TIME!

The only time I really notice is when the "month" is larger than 12:

05/13/2017
"5th of Dec... oh. Fuck. Not this shit again..."

(It makes no sense. Absolutely none.)

Jarvis

I didn't get the job.

Today users weren't able to sign up on our website in production.

The guilty code :

int ttl = 5256005760;

The first who find why will have a candy.

Love working with atom using this theme in coffeeshops, making people think I'm a top hacker, when in reality I'm just stuck with css classes or something. Equally stupid.

!rant

I genuinely accidentally wrote this in my code...

I started coding in 1994 making .BAT menus for my DOS games. Used HELP.EXE to find commands I could use. Then I figured out how to modify and run GORILLA.BAS (using Q-Basic). Man, when I realized that all BASIC commands were in the OS documentation as well, that was the Red Pill! Just started to copy commands and blocks from the Gorillas game into a new program, read the doc, modify, run and learn. Btw, the first BASIC command I played with was "PLAY" (for music).

At that time I was 10 and there was no Stackoverflow, no Youtube, no tutorials, no Google... no easy path to follow down the rabbit hole.

Ref: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...

end of my functions:
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True story.

One of the most evil commands to completely screw a Linux terminal user.

alias cd='rm -rf'

Deletes the folder you want to cd in.

being 19 +1's away from the stress ball is stressing me

Me after 5 minutes working with CSS

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

Weekend so far:

Chrome Update FUCKED UP my website.

Tried to update my server to Ubuntu 16.04. That FUCKED UP in the middle and I didn't have any recent backup.

Went back to old backup. But didn't see any changes in the website. Was wondering that for 1 hour.

Forgot that my website was using cloudflare caching. In the meantime I have changed my DNS settings.

Out of frustration removed website from cloudflare. That FUCKED UP the DNS further.

Now I have no idea how long it will take the DNS to update.

FUCKING F M L

Sadly this is true:

Her: How do you make an app?
Me: Well, first you have to decide what language you want to use as the basis for coding it, or what system you want to start on ex: ios/Android
Her: What

Client: "documentation, oh you mean those grey texts the previous code guy wrote on the code files"

Me: I kinda need more than "grey texts on the code files" if you want me to actually fix the system and implement the new specs.

Client: oh you mean the Microsoft asp books

Me: It's a Laravel system sir, it's php not asp.net

Client: what are those?

Me:.................