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I've never had a great experience working with designers, but this one might be the laziest! Props if it's for a friend and unpaid though.
16 -
When you look back on your github activity and just think "Wow, we have really created something special. This is really going to help the world." It just... It gets me. That's why I do this day in and day out.
15 -
- Girl: I don't understand how some people can be so foolish and decide to study computer science.
- Me: Hm, true. So what did you study?
- Girl: Tourism and sports science. And you?
- Me: Nothing. I'm a truck driver.25 -
A girl just canceled our first date to watch Avenger's Endgame with her friends. Pres ++ to pay respects.58
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Updated description!
Fuck Wordpress in the ass with a new kind of cms. Make devs happy with clean code. And Laravel62 -
So a friend of Mine asked me to check their Mail server because some emails got lost. Or had a funny signature.
Mails were sent from outlook so ok let's do this.
I go create a dummy account, and send/receive a few emails. All were coming in except one and some had a link appended. The link was randomly generated and was always some kind of referral.
Ok this this let's check the Mail Server.
Nothing.
Let's check the mail header. Nothing.
Face -> wall
Fml I want to cry.
Now I want to search for a pattern and write a script which sends a bunch of mails on my laptop.
Fuck this : no WLAN and no LAN Ports available. Fine let's hotspot the phone and send a few fucking mails.
Guess what? Fucking cockmagic, no funny mails appear!
At that moment I went out and was like chainsmoking 5 cigarettes.
BAM!
It hit me! A feeling like a unicorn vomiting rainbows all over my face.
I go check their firewall. Shit redirected all email ports from within the network to another server.
Yay nobody got credentials because nobody new it existed. Damn boy.
Hook on to the hostmachine power down the vm, start and hack yourself a root account before shit boots. Luckily I just forgot the credentials to a testvm some time ago so I know that shit. Lesson learned: fucking learn from your mistakes, might be useful sometimes!
Ok fucker what in the world are you doing.
Do some terminal magic and see that it listens on the email ports.
Holy cockriders of the galaxy.
Turns out their former it guy made a script which caught all mails from the server and injected all kind of bullshit and then sent them to real Webserver. And the reason why some mails weren't received was said guy was too dumb to implement Unicode and some mails just broke his script.
That fucker even implented an API to pull all those bullshit refs.
I know your name "Matthias" and I know where you live and what you've done... And to fuck you back for that misery I took your accounts and since you used the same fucking password for everything I took your mail, Facebook and steam account too.
Git gut shithead! You better get a lawyer17 -
As a Java Dev, the thing that frightens me most about colonizing Mars is that we have to rewrite the Date class...8
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There is this salesman right across from me that always brags about how rich his parents are and how lucky us tech guys are for having such an easy job. He told me one day that he was going to quit and make his own software company currently having no developing experience at all because "I've seen some of these developers. If those guys can do it, it'll be a breeze." I convinced him that the best language to learn in order to make your own websites/apps is Linux command line. Hilariously enough, the other 2 devs heard me say that and when Glenn the sales douche followed up with them one of them told him "Yeah, If you think you're really going to be quick with it then Linux will be your best bet, but if you have trouble just learn C++ instead and you'll still be able to make websites." Best of luck on your new Venture, you spoiled jizz stain.8
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I had to renew my I.D.
I went to my town offices but their software kept crashing without hope because I'm born on Feb 29.10 -
When interviewing a dev, ask them what they think about time zones. If their answer is "fuck time zones", hire them immediately.4
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I need a site with seo and advertisement.
The page should make about 750€ per month. I will only pay after site is complete and pays out.
You will get 150€5 -
My first boss. He sat next to me yelling “Think before you code“, “Hands away from the keyboard“ and stuff like that at me while doing my first few codings ever. He even made me cry from the pressure. Afterwards he bought me a muffin and told me he wants me to be a better programmer than he ever was14
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👋🏻 So, yesterday I thought I'd quit...
👠 Today it turns out I've been fired, and my resignation wasn't opened 😂 😂
🖕 Hannah from HR
In fairness I did literally say that to Hannah from HR yesterday in a sort-of-attempt to get myself fired, so... I'm not quite sure who wins...13 -
Found a private api key on a github project. Created a pull request with key changed to “TH1S5HOULDB3SECR3T!iMBECIL5“ comment was “security fix“ i wonder if they accept4
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Just noticed the date format mm/dd/yy. Can we switch (or give an option to switch) to a superior to format like dd.mm.yy or iso 8601
@dfox20 -
This is dedicated to all Webdevs, especially those WordPress fanboys.
I was reflecting on some things since I do more frequent freelance jobs at the time. And I have to admit: people are fucking crazy.
I had some serious talk with customers and some serious talk for people I work as subsidiary.
The average customer thinks a nice webpage costs I'm 9-50 bucks. They got some shitty Webhosting for 1-5$/month including domain and think they are set.
They have unclear visions about what they actually want, it all boils down to "I like the design". I made a page for someone who just posted images, no text nothing and I told him a trillion times NEEDS some text, even a fucking picture description would be sufficient, else he'll never score anything at google.
Ofc it got denied, now he's bitching how nobody finds the site when they google his name. The other thing is that Wordpress became the solution for everything.
I'm a fucking certified magento developer and I hate magento with a passion. Magento is an overabstracted clusterfuck and believe me, I did the certification I had to learn more than average about the core. But damn, don't slap woocommerce on everything.
Narrowninded fucktards, the cheap out of the box solution isn't always the best.
Don't cry if you got hacked because you were too dumb to upgrade your wordpress. Don't tell me to do some "enhancements" on a server you probably share with 100 other uses. I can't fix your Webserver with your shitty ftp account.
I also hate WordPress with a burning passion. Cum guzzling cavetroll it is. It has it usages, but don't rely on a core So small every kind of extra functionality has to somehow tinkered on it and then expect it to work flawlessly and for 10$ price.
Of course you can buy a theme that, if it would have been special made for you cost 800$ or more, but it wasn't. It just looks like it from the outside. If you want customization you are at the mercy of the option it provides. I can't even tell how many times i spent whole evenings explaining how their shiny template works. Just to do some crazy shit with JavaScript like rearranging domelements because it didn't work as expected.
I still stay to my word. Nothing great has been nor will be created with a Wordpress core. Don't tell me how some great stuff has been achieved. Or wait, please do so. But before you do think about if that wouldn't been faster, cheaper, more reliable , etc... if done with a framework like symphony or laravel... or even zend or cake.
And that brings me back to the point:
Is cheap and "out of the box" really what you need and desire? As customer and as developer?6 -
🎉 Today, I quit!
🖕🏻 Hannah from HR
🖕🏻 Hot desking
👋 I will miss (most of) the other people though. They were ok.
🤔 Now how am I gonna afford my coke and Bollinger hobbies12 -
Alias coworker = high school classmate
This kid wore a trench coat to school every single day and I guess he had a chronic masturbation problem because the guy was caught 3 different times IN CLASS jerking off.
Most people would catch a sexual harassment / indecent exposure / public masturbation charge, but this kid was breaking all these national math competition records and was working with a local university doing research and had a 4.5+ GPA (in high school in U.S. that's possible) so the school decided to do 2 things.
1. Not punish the kid, and in fact nothing of this was ever put on any record at all.
2. Write him a note from school administrators saying that this student can leave class whenever he would like no questions asked, and that the teacher must notify the office so they could send a security guard in order for this masturbation obsessed student to literally occupy a bathroom as his jerk off chamber uninterrupted.
So if in the past 6-7 years you've been in a high caliber university studying computer science and there was a kid in a trench coat "feeding some geese" near you, you can thank my high school.6 -
I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.8
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A CMS raping WordPress so hard up the ass till there is no tomorrow. I hate that bastardized piece of fuck. “Hey I want you to fix my page and its wordpress. I pay 20 bucks.“ Well fuck you too sir. Wordpress is no cms you wanna be coders. Get back to your fucking photoshop and design something original! Every fucking wp page looks the same. Every “nice feature“ is some kind of monkeypatched workarround. No problem i set preview pictures for every post just to enable some weird slider to function.
I also love those buttfucked files with just a “require foo“ which also just requires “bar“. Drop that fuck. Implement autoloading. Nobody uses php4 anymore step into the future. “easy to learn“ fuck me and fuck you untill you vomit jizz! Clusterfucked spaghetticode thats easy, easy to put another rotten load of clusterfuck on top. Also those security features. I put an empty index.php to prevent directory traversal. N I C E! Stop using wordpress as CMS, its a blog engine. Nothing great has every been written on top of wordpress and never will. I dare you to deny everything related to it and if you are one of those designer guyd, you can gargle my jizz you fucknut!
Starting 2017 i will start a counter and rape every 10th Wordpress which gets abused as cms i encounter into oblivion on their 0,99$ webhosting shit.
Fuck this I'm so mad about that crap17 -
I just told a colleague of mine, and worst programmer i got to know, to call me the alchemist.
Because I'm the one turning his shit to gold -
Saying that Sharepoint was coded by a bunch of trained monkeys would be an understatement and an insult to monkeys. Why is it such a bloody mess? 😡7
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I fucking hate python and myself even more. Python is easy they say, Python has nice syntax but fuck you . Fuck you seriously I cringe if I see non-c-like syntax. Every time I leave my comfort zone I get fucked over by damn semicolons. Fuck this imports i don't know your damn library. But god damn In far too advanced for hello world. There are two versions and the lib I want to use is incompatible? Well fuck me? That kind of shit never hit me on PHP. Damn me! Fuck you python. I want to know you but you fuck me harder than life. GEHÖRT? DU FICKST MICH HÄRTE ALS DAS LEBEN DU HURENSOHN!!!!
What is even your problem? Indentation? Well thank you for not having braces! I mean come on I try, I really do. I know you are different but every thing I want to learn about you is either for uber beginners or so advanced I don't even know what's going on. Do magical shit in a few lines? What the fuck is in those packages? A wizard full filling whishes like "plz make this work"?
But don't worry you cum snorting unicorn as much as I hate you I'm more mad about me for not being a descendant of fucking slytherin!14 -
"you're a nice guy and I like you, but you work too much and I need more attention, so don't think this will work out"
Sorry for wanting to be able to afford a house I suppose? 😕16 -
Sometimes I think back to all the funny shit that happened and how simple stuff fucks everyone
- tired Database engineer deleting (not dropping, literally rm -rf) the database files on the wrong server
- Microsoft delivering viruses through updates
- Pissed and stubborn dev deleting his one line library repo which does something like removing a char left side of string fucking an unmeasurable amount of other projects
- Adobe getting hacked and exposed for storing passwords in plain texts
- a doubled line causing a bug called heartbleed in a fuckton of webservers
- a Tutorial Company getting kicked from github because their repo got so big github staff had to maintain the repo manually
- and an old one: bad code crashed a space shuttle16 -
😩 That moment when you finish a project (part), close browser tabs close tons of terminal windows, quit a giant ide.. and you realize that you forgot a thing.. 😩12
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“Never,never, never, NEVER eat raw userinput“
Referring to stuff like “insert into foo (bar) values ($_POST[username])“4 -
Preface: My company took over another company. A week ago I inherited their IT.
"IT" !!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!
Their server stood at an ex employees homeoffice. So I drove to her and she had 0 idea about IT. Server was just "Running". I tore that fuck down and saw an aweful lot of Hentai in all home folders.
WTF?!
Not enough, their crm was a makroinfested access table. Shit was protected so I couldn't even edit the makros. The retarded fucktards hardcoded paths to serverside folder \\fuck\you\hard\cavetroll
Just so that server will never see the light of my domain! Damn you? Mothership of sisterfucking dickgirls!12 -
Got this email from my manager today... a bit of a downer to my three day weekend!
I actually don't talk about work (in an indentifiable way), and I think most of the other points in their guide are utter BS (and unenforceable).
I am pretty open (about myself) on social media though, so feel sorry for HR if they've been combing through it! 🤣
45 -
I asked a question at stackoverflow related to MySQL. I tried to explain everything a good as I could.
Now i go for a cigarette and expect a -5 when I come back....6 -
God damn fucking shit.
Now I know again why I don't do apps.
This is a app as simple as can be:
Enter a link, click a button, do a http request, download a file.
BUT FUCKING HELL WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING RETARDED ANDROID?!
I'm not familiar with java but i don't care why is this so freaking unintiutiv to get shit done? Why are there thousands of ways and none works or atleast at a easy way? Make an object for this, make an object for that...
THIS IS RETARDED.
In PHP a simple "file_get_contents" would do the job. I were even down for some curl shenanigans if it were an easy implementation. BUT GOD DAMN.
URL url = new URL("http://fuckinghardcoded.com")
Oh no can't compile because that MIGHT be an invalid URL. Ok try catch this or just tell the rest of the Programm to watch out for this bad boy cause he might throw a MalformedURLException.
Ditch that and try volley. Everything is document except how to fire that queue! Does it do that by itself? Do I really have to do an override to a function while declaring? CMON ON I'M A WEBDEV IS THIS TRYING TO DO A FUCKING CALLBACK AND IS THIS TRYING TO BE AN ANONYMOUS FUNCTION??? Why is this so frustrating and confusing? I'm also mad at myself this is dropdead simple shit but I can't get it to work. Fuck this, fuck java , fuck android and fuck myself10 -
I today have seen lovers'name carved into a tree. I don't think it's cute. I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date16
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I bought flowers for my date. Online.
When I registered, the website send me via email my 30 character long password.
😥
So I try "forgot password". The genius website sent me, guess what, my 30 character long password...
For fuck sakes!!!! You had one job.... Hash the fucking password!!!!
I'm afraid these people will probably get hacked soon (murphy law).
Sha256.. Guys please...12 -
Date.prototype.valueOf = Math.random;
Use this as your 1st line of code in any web page or node server, for maximum lulz.
9 -
!rant
I think I just got a first date with a really beautiful girl simply because I started talking about programming which led to AI which led to life then philosophy..
Thank you programming?!?11 -
Bought this a while ago thinking i would read, never ended up doing it. Now i am actually trying to learn it, and this shit is out of date
12 -
I'm starting to hate js. Every library needs atleast 1000 other libs. I just blew the node_modules folder to 100mb with just one npm require21
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Recruiters trying to grab my attention by using my name in the subject line - only they forgot to change it from the previous candidate. Ouch!5
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When 3/4 of my team gave up and left halfway through. I still don't understand how we ended up with a working prototype in the end.
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So. My mobile bill is due 24/01/17 and yet it is supposedly "357 days overdue", but a previous one due on 24/11/16 has "295 days left to pay". Some funky handling of the new year going on here....
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I recently ranted so much about languages but here it goes
JS we need to talk. BECAUSE YOU GOT FAT AND UGLY STUPID BITCH! Dumb piece of bloatware. What even is your problem? Depending on a library for strpad and then blow up like Steve jobs ego. Bastardized fuckfest. I used to like you bro and then you screw me over!
It's like you fuck my wife while I try to fix your car. Why can't you even be usefully on your own anymore? I'd be richer than bill gates if I get a dollar for every damn framework people pull from their asses. Are you writing this fuck while shitting so you can compare colors of your outcome?
Normalize the fucking base, don't add to the bukkakke! bitch is drowning already. Why is everyone jerking of to react and angular? When have YOU written something in vanilla the last time? Why even bother? Remove the core and hardcore every damn framework into the browsers. Guess that saves you 200kb. Oh wait I forgot that's about unminified jQuery.
Now I need to load about 2GB of dependencies, some creating code that puts code in my code to load code out of my code which was generated out of something that remotely resembles JS so every browser is able to execute my fancy shit. But hey, it's fast. And of course there are the fanboys. You are worse than apple fags. You sample your own jizz with your friends in a wine glass. there was a Time it was bad practice to mix logic and view. Now you made it mandatory. "Browser does the rendering" ofc you imbecile pile of fuck don't show me a damn preloader for 1 picture and 20 lines of text. Who fucked your brain so hard?
So react seems to be the cool kid now, then I tell someone I know angular it's like showing up in a pikachu onsie to a formal dinner with the queen.
I used to love you girl. I loved how we could dirty things together. Now you are like a pig. Please loose weight bby the sight of you disgusts me nowadays2 -
The joy that happens when the QA intern knows how to program and tells you which lines in the source to check out2
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“Commit“ sounds like the german “komm mit“(come with me).
NonDev coworker asked me what “Komm mitting“ is1 -
So my parents got speakers integrated into their monitor. A few years ago (like 3-4) they made me turn off the sound because it annoyed them since all they did were playing some shitty flash games and some office work. Now they needed the sound back on and this is how it happened.
1. Confirm they plugged the right cable in. I know them so I knew that could be a problem
2. Made them download Teamviewer because I know they can't even doubleclick without guidance
Now the juicy part was to tell them they need to turn on sound on the monitor. As I was watching via teamviewer I saw them trying to click on the menu items from said monitor. Took me 5 minutes to explain that their mouse can't do shit on that because they need to navigate with the buttons underneath the monitor.
Turned out they couldnt get things right and I had no idea what they were seeing because they explanations went like "All I can see is Main Menu and Exit." - "Is that really all dad?" "Yes thats all. Main Menu, Brightness and Exit" turnes out the middle part is interchangable like "Brightness, Saturation, etc..."
After 2 hours I gave up and told them to pick up my speakers tomorrow -
!rant
Hello dear fellow devs, I got some more nice ram and don't need those ram bars anymore. Write why you should receive them and they are on the way. For people outside germany you (unfortunatly) have to cover the shipping costs.
20 -
If I had a company. I would only accept code for application. Grades, gender, age... i couldn't care less7
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I love doing crawlers to test stuff. Client wanted me to crawl his page for certain errors.... seems i ddossed them2
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I can troll all day by opening Devtools on a browser and change <input type=“password“> to <input type=“text“> they think i hacked google, facebook and their email acoount
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"You must update Messenger as it's been too long since you've updated!
Time since last update: -903 years"
oh
well ok5 -
There it is!! First date fuckup due to the 'happy new year' thingy..
I am surprised it took me so long! xD
14 -
There are always three questions i get asked when i tell people I'm a programmer:
Can you take a look at my phone/laptop/pc etc...?
Can you hack?
Whats the green stuff from matrix?3 -
Had an issue running through someone else's buggy code and my PM told me to "use a goto to fix it up, those always used to help me in school". Can a recruiter on here throw me a bone and get me out of this place?
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Today I dropped and updated a database to override it with local changes. Turned out the same dB was used by another project.
I just destroyed a week worth of work and content.
Good thing I took a dump before dropping everything. Got it running in 5 Minutes7 -
Handling date and time input on a web app is hard. And when you need to handle a range, it becomes even harder.
There are several date formats and 2 time formats, and various ways of validating the input (pattern, min, max).
You'll also need to make sure that the start date-time comes before the end date-time.
But still, no matter how much you validate on the client-side, it's still possible to bypass it, so you need to validate on the server-side as well 😫
2 -
Everytime I want to use a well recommended library which last commit was two years ago or longer i get suspicious2
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All company meeting to discuss plans to move office, and they want to change all of the devs to hot-desking?!
Would be interested in your guys experiences if any of you have done it, but I feel I'd be affected a lot as I only work 3-4 days a week.
I literally stood up and left the meeting, saying I'd quit if they did it. I'm far more comfortable and productive with my setup and space. Knowing my co-workers they might think I'm saying it for drama but I think I actually would leave, despite everything else being fine (except HR!).16 -
Me: I had the perfect date last night. She was beautiful, dreamy, and we understood each other perfectly. We'll be seeing each other again soon. 😍
Buddy: That's awesome! Who was she?
Me: ISO 8601. 💖2 -
I've just got in from bar* work, a little drunk*!
My last dev employer actually offered me my old job back, but as HR are so awful I said the situation was past that and demanded compensation. A nice payout agreed for me, for not taking it to tribunal 👍
Now for the new job! I thought working the night scene would be fun, but it's not well paid and the freelance I have is but it's hard to juggle the two.
I might have a break or a month or so doing this, then look for another job.
Anyone recommend good companies LGBT friendly in London?16 -
What's worse in an open office?
A) Music
B) People
(Shamelessly stolen from Twitter, credit @dustin)19 -
Just listened to the podcast, Tim rogus known as "T Rogus" no fuck you! You will stay Trogus for me for all eternity!5
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So my real name is jason and I got the habit to use Json as my nickname as a little Dev pun.
I think I overdid it
3 -
Anyone else enjoy "uncropping" images embedded in MS Office documents? People cropping out other windows/tabs from full screenshots... I've seen some weird stuff!
It's not unusual to be sent documentation / screenshots saved as MS Office documents (Word, PowerPoint etc.). Kinda annoying but whatever.5 -
Computers fear my devaura. Everytime I get called to fix something it magically starts working when I enter the room. 5 Minutes after I leave it broke again.
Repeat like while(true)3 -
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "me.py", line 1, in <module>
AttributeError: 'Dave_Elec' object has no attribute 'social'1 -
Had to submit a form and couldn't because of some js errors. I hacked my way through with the console to submit none the less
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what it's like when someone doesnt use "mm/dd/yyyy" or "dd/mm/yyyy":
"I need a name for your reservation. It can either be base64 encoded or a sha3 hash"
"Yeah, I'm on my way, how many light years is it past 404th street?"
"Oh, cool, my birthday's coming up, too. How many eons away is it?"9 -
Code like this makes me shed a tear in nostalgia... also I want to murder somebody for still putting that in tutorials
5 -
So today's the day the child leaves the babysitter.
Today's the fucking day that I learn why the fuck everybody says date's are a fucking headache. Or was it yesterday? I don't know.
Fucking dates, timezones, time calculations...5 -
Everyone argues about the perfect date, so I searched and found it using complex machine learning, a lot of trial and error, and too much alcohol:
'#76ab%Y%Y@98:%M%D%h@()%m&%m%Y%D%Y€¥$¢%M%h+%s-%s%%'
Where:
- %Y stands for one number of the last year
- %M stands for one number of the following month
- %D stands for one number (09 are two numbers for example) of SQRT((CURRENT_DAY^7)/3)
- %h stands for one number of the hour next evening(12h system)
- %% stands for either 7 or 3, 7 means that the hour(%h) is a.m., 3 means that the hour is p.m.
- %m stands for the minute the next solar eclipse will happen
- %s stands for one number of the second you will hate yourself to have this system implemented.
How to use it im 3 simple steps:
1. Implement it using ???
2. ?????
3. Profit? -
"This is now urgent we are in risk of breach of contract."
*travels an hour just to discuss*
"Oh don't worry, don't panick about it, so and so is probably sorting it. We most likely don't need it."2 -
Anyone have experience taking SSRIs? What's the first week or so like, did it help long term, and any withdrawal issues?14
-
!rant
Looked into browser jank and how to optimize large lists of images in a scrollbox, went from 20fps while scrolling to ~60fps ❤️ -
mkdir new-shiny-app
cd new-shiny-app
git init
Decide on the stack, release the package manager on it to scaffold away. Everything still clean and pure.
One of those little joys of our job :)
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I met my crush last day, she is a junior from the same college, everything was fine until when she wanted to find a recharge shop to recharge her phone. I opened PayTm(One of the Mobile Wallet here in India) and said I'm doing it.
Her reaction : What ? How ? You can do recharge right away from your phone ! wow !
I lost my interest on her :(
She is BTech Final Year Student
Tragedies2 -
Hey guys, this is my first rant. I like this friendly community very much so far and hope it stays that way. So here it goes...
I have this Trello app on my Android phone. It has this nice feature - calendar... But week starts on Sunday. So I started investigating, how I could change it to Monday. Googled and found that you have to change the language, which I did. Now I wish I had this nice ISO date format yyyy-MM-dd, but this motherfrakker doesn't allow me to!
How much I hate this little piece of shit! What does he want from me? Download the sources, add the functionality, compile for a week and flash it into my Xiaomi?!13 -
Pissed off:
Trying to write a date function that converts an Int (seconds) to days hours/minutes/seconds.
Get stuck when I build the output-string because I need to mix string and Int. I am used to C# and PHP, C++ just screws it up for me.3 -
Code in index.php: if(!isset($_COCKIE['access'] == '123') {
echo 'Denied'; die;
}
And then there was the access.php which set the cookie.
So you had to go to foo.com/access.php which displayed a white page and set the cookie. Then navigate back to foo.com for access2 -
NDAs for me are a good predictor for a bad client or client relationship.
Doesn't work so well for larger cos, and it's not unusual for them to require one anyway.
I charge a fairly high flat fee for signing one. The people who won't pay probably don't need the NDA anyway and were going to be problematic.3 -
Are you willing to share details of your salary, or for contractors your daily/hourly rate? If you're not, that's interesting to know too.
Interesting to know;
- Currency (hopefully obviously)
- Location of work (or if remote, primary location of employer?)
- Contract type (FT/PT employee, contractor/freelancer)
- Job title (or general activity for contractors)
- Number of years in role/contracting
- Whether or not you would or have shared your salary with a co-worker (perhaps you're willing to share here but not with a co-worker)
- Gender
The 'Why is it soooo taboo to ask co-workers salary?' question made me think about this (https://devrant.com/rants/1557306/...)10 -
Client: "According to the Postgresql Version Support Policy, 9.3 will be expired by September 2018. That's only a few months away."
Me in thought: "Expired? Like a rotten egg? With an expiration date? OK, chill. His English isn't that good. Maybe he meant that support expires since its EOL."
Client: "We need to upgrade so that we can continue using the database."
Me in thought: "Yeah, he really meant "expired" in database too."4 -
I hate people ranting about “Uhh thats not responsive I sent a screen how I imagined it.“
Open Screen, 1918x703 px WIDE.
Explained for an hour that thats not fucking responsive. Nobody could see or read that even if I were to implement. Responsive fucking means text breaks BELOW the damn pictures to make it readable. I will never fit that on an iphone or something unless he pays extra so i can perform dark magic to force vertical view on some devices and put 100 alert functions that the device is not supported by the site.
Im so mad fuck him and fuck me1 -
Watch your shell. Someone did it again.
Sysadmin grilled s3 with a typo in his command, shutting down whole subsystems of amazons infrastructure2 -
I used to have time to read up on new web development tools and techniques and it helped me get a better job.
Now I have a better job I'm always busy, which I love, but it's harder to keep up to date.
I do some reading in my own time but it's more difficult to focus.
Thinking about it, I suppose I do keep learning just by being at work and solving new problems.1 -
How tell me apart from the other departments?
It's so cold inside my office it creates fucking WIND when you open my door -
"Who ever said money can't solve your problems?
Must not have had enough money to problem to solve them."
Bitter truth for many. -
A few years ago I worked at company specialized in Magento(eCommerce) and Magento was changing their licensing model. At the time they had 3 Versions. Community(free), Pro and Enterprise.
They decided to ditch Pro and either make all migrate to Enterprise(with a discount) or go community which wasn’t really compatible. So some shops were in need of a more or less complete rewrite.
My hdd crashed literally the day before but hey no big deal everything is 99% done and on staging. So I had a Trainee at that Time and thought the last few crappy things could be done in pair programming so he can learn a few things.
But fuck him! That motherfucker! He managed to WIPE the staging server and no that was at a time without gut and no SVN. That dipshit just deleted 2 months of work because he thought it was a good idea to SYNC his empty project to the staging system.
Oh god I nearly stabbed him. He did that shit out of his own mind even though I told him a dozen times what would happen... we had to do the whole thing again with me sitting next to him watching every stroke he made.
Guess he learned something while inward silently raging the next weeks.1 -
Damn specs! Why do you have to change as the project goes on?!! Every project seems too easy at first.
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A UK bank (building society) are giving away a free home security camera if you take out their home insurance product.
Seriously!? I do NOT want to install a camera, given to me by my bank, in my flat! -
I don't exactly know... but i'm preety sure that it was more that 12.
reason - someone's final project which had only 1 day left before the deadline. -
Some one just asked me to build his site. I don't enjoy building sites. Especialy wordpress... I have never used it but i don't like it. But It could be a fast cash. What do you guys think?8
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WTF... it works half the time and fails the other half.. is it planned just to drive me mad?! uuhhh..6
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It was when i was 4th grade. We had windows 95 computers in school. I used tk do assignments on them and submitted with a floppy disk. Yeah, copy paste started there...
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Any tips on getting into open source development? Listings of projects in search of devs? I have done next to zero contribution to the open source community and would like to change that.7
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Just bought a book that covers some techs that I use, but want to get better at. I get less than a chapter in, and realize something is horribly wrong. I check the publication date. 2015.
I am so fucking stupid.4 -
Pretty sure that the code doesn't work on the first run, so I thought why not debug it now? but then when am I actually gonna run it...
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I just came with a problem trying to get the value of an HTML input of type date and trying to throw it into a Javascript Date object... After about an hour of searching (Google, Stackoverflow) I realized HTML5 date inputs use UTC timezone (defined by W3C) and Javascript uses your local timezone and this difference is messing with my code giving me a JS obvject 1 day before the HTML date...
Why they do this kind of thing?2 -
A few years ago:
Installing Visualstudio 2008 on Xp.
Pc is laggy as f.
Start browsing nsfw to kill time and boss comes over. Try to close browser and not working. Start to panic a bit. Boss comes over looking at black boxes.
Pictures didnt render. I was so lucky1 -
Used to Google all my `man` pages... Don't really know why. Formatting maybe. Then I typed `man date`... I use `man` for my `man` pages now.3
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Yesterday I told an intern that was supposed to be shadowing me that he'll need to download visual studios with apache Cordova plugin for multi platform app design. I gave this assignment to him first thing in the morning (around 9:30 am) and told him to head home for the day thinking I was giving the kid a break to download and make sure the build was proper and to play around with it maybe. I check my inbox this morning to find that, alongside numerous expletives, this intern has quit as of 3:40 AM last night. I... I didn't see that one coming.4
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What sane mind would design Date library as such, days start from 1,
but months start from 0??
I mean why??4 -
I can't believe it is real: I just had to talk someone out of calling a navigation point "FAQ User"
Had to admit I'm from Germany and so was the client. It's quiet common people pronounce FAQ as fuck here3 -
Hello dear fellow programmers,
Lately I'm faced with an issue: i can't code. It takes me a really long time to get my codeengine running and it stops on the first occasion, it either be a cigarette pause, a question from a coworker or what ever.
I love code and I have a blast when I start but I have a hard time starting it.
What to do? I'm a bit at a loss here1 -
That's it I'm done with wordpress.
Join me angry devs, let's change the world!
https://devrant.io/collabs/424605/1 -
We had serverside profiles at school. And at one day someone forgot to sign off. So me, the bored dev apprentice, wrote a cmd Programm which spammed every folder with a txt file with contents like "Sign off next time!" Then wrote that sentence to a desktop file until the drive was full.
They had to restore a server backup since that appearantly fucked the system1 -
Fucking excel...
I opened up my CSV and changed values in one column... You fucking didn't need to take it in yourself to change all of my dates in another column to one you prefer, they were fucking fine! -
Function works() {
Try {
HorriblyDyingCode();
Return true;
} catch (Exception e) {
Return false;
}
} -
Who here agrees that every language framework should have moment.js oit of the box. Or at least a standardized way of doing it.1
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We have decent linting on our codebase which covers off code quality and style.
We also have a developer who insists on making code reviews about formatting and spacing rather than functionality even tho we've tried in multiple ways to say:
- our linting covers it, if that's happy we should be (and the rest of the team is)
- it's a waste of time doing it
- it wastes the time of the team reading it
- the noise it generates makes it hard to see any legit comments
I swear to god if I see another comment saying "new line" i will scream. -
The customer told us that we have had a good momentum lately and that we need to keep it so that we can finish on time. What makes me frustrated is that what he perceives as "momentum" actually is increasing technical debt and overtime work...2
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I really want to dive deeper in other languages. But everytime I see something with a not c-like syntax i can't muster the resolve to dive in.
Any advice to overcome that?3 -
Was rushed to write a crappy massmailing for super urgent newsletter, had to be finished in 20 minutes. Last 5 minutes i had to rewrite half of it. Told them its rushed, testet and crappy.
Mailed the stuff anyway. Every Email got the same dynamic string in subject.
Looked at code, was setting the subject 2 lines above the loop.
Sorry guys, dont rush me next time2 -
Fucking kidding me.. why does it stopped suddenly when i had to show it up? today i was working on a project and my client wanted to see how it is going then i packed my stuff and went there to show him then it stopped to working...
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Had a client whom was using the staging system on my server as cdn, remote computing, etc... because his prod server was a cheap vhost while the vm was a beast compared to it. I shut it down without telling. I just got a call that his site is now slow a f and full of errors.
I kindly told him that there was a recent security breach called dirty cow. Then I told him that I shut the vm down because it would mean security risk for him since there are no patches available yet and only Power on again with there was work for me to do.
If you want resources pay for them -
Jesus Christ! Every time I'm working with some code that involves the word "data" I'm guaranteed to make a typo and type "date"!2
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I hate people. I show them devrant or try to abstract a problem to a everyday problem people still reply with "I don't know computers" ignorant fucks.1
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There are mortals, then there are legends, and then there are people who import moment.js, and then manipulate dates with bare strings.
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Trying to learn something new.
Find a library in a foreign language. It's c++.
Unable to include lib.
Copy contents
Try absolute path
Compiler gives me the finger
Abandon project -
Yesterday i went coding, tired as hell. I told myself “Atleast i get smth done“ i was wrong. Redid everything and now expect many merge conflicts when i get home1
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!rant
I've been looking for an open source bugtracker. The Idea is to make it public and lets clients submit their tickets. I looked at redmine and truth be told: I can't do the ruby,so it dropped. Bugzilla? Well... please no. Flyspray.... well we tried but don't get along. I stuck with mantis2 because it's the only thing with eyecandy i've found even though the source is a hellish mix of 1000+ lines of wild php and html mixes. The rest either doesn't fit or looks too old. I also don't mind throwing a buck or two but i want to run it on my own server and do fancy stuff to it if i want to.4 -
I was hired to work on an Android application written in java. Spent three months working on a project written in C++ instead. Needless to say I had no prior experience with C++ at that time.
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Have you tried to look up documentation for some module and find another module that better does it? and this loop continues...
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Working from home, the office is pretty unbearable in this heat.
Anyone else feel like conference calls in your underwear is a top work from home perk!5 -
I took a project. Wild mix of php and html including db stuff and data processing. About 200 files, some 3000+ lines long with if else cases processed in another template/logic behemoth...
I wrote a js file included it at the footer of the monster and update dom + data via ajax on my own api implementation because I'm too afraid to write in any of those files.
I've been told its quality code and well documented3 -
Fuck. Less than six hours before I'm in work. Time for bed! Let's see what that bitch Hannah from HR has to say when I'm back! I've stepped up my social media game🤣2
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Lead developer tells me to hang tight while he works on an issue and investigates.
PM tells me to make more cards for this section and fix it while the lead developer works on the same exact part.
So... I guess I'll go take a 2 hour lunch?1 -
I am currently creating a module where I have to put data in xls sheet from a given data, which contains date column,.
I have generated the sheet and the respective date column also has the format of Date which is default of Microsoft Excel.
But the big question noew arises that I am not able to sort the data according to the date column, the sorting is not working correctly.
If anyone has ever worked on this please tell!!3 -
We are dependent on dependency injection and package management... which also comes with a lot of dependencies installed by another package manager1
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Was going to have some fun refactoring js code on the weekend, gf dragged me to a jazz festival instead </3
I enjoyed it, though -
Coursemates tried to convince me that putty was the programming language we were learning in our Intro to Programming class, not C. I thought they were joking, turns out they were dead serious.1
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Just finished the night job at 5am. Looking forward to a good rest tomorrow! Not looking forward to correcting my sleeping pattern for Monday 😭1
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I don't know why people are complaining about windows updates while they can stop the update service from service manager. I did that wile I was using windows.
Moral of the story: I use linux. 😜 -
For those who ever tried to find and/or implement a crm: everything seems to be based on that bastardized vtiger core which is based on an old version of sugarcrm I'm so fucking tired of that shit. I gonna make my own. The underlying framework makes me sick to the bone. Everything in there relies heavily on magic. Being arround for years and just recently got a new major release yet unable to transfer offer items to the invoice even though it requires a relation?
This is not blunt talk. My thing is based on Laravel, EAV principle for dynamic fields, module code structure, interface for the list view and many other stuff is already integrated. This is gonna be done and will be done because existing stuff is so fucking ugly and broken I can't fathom myself.
Btw I still need a name
PS: I hate smarty, PearDb and their fucking database layout -
“My whatever isnt working“
“Was there an error message“
“Yes“
“What was it?“
“I dont know I dismissed it“
FML1 -
I have something ethnical controversal in the making. I learned to shut up about the project. That's how i learned people fear and hide a lot1
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I once had a colleague ranting about my variable naming because it went out of bounds on his IDE's printmargin. To please him i wrote minified code while pair programming
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I have no idea how to make custom images so i keep a txt file for “apt-get install“ or “yum install“
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Have any devs done bar work before..?
I've always enjoyed doing things outside of work, and I work 3-4 days a week in my main job to create time for this. It's great for my mental health, and means I can optimise the main job for pay/good benefits and fulfil my "other needs" (stimulation/challenge/enjoyment) in other places.
The main things for me are dev contracting on the side or acting/singing, to a lesser extent travel, a bit of activism and law study. Just because 🤷♂️
Especially re: my last rant with *that* email from HR on Friday, I'm tempted to be a bit more strict about only doing three days and picking up something else.
Although I know the pay is awful, I really want to try bar work on the side just to do something different.
Has anyone else done bar work before?9 -
When the final card is checked off and you realize the past year and a half has been spent making this absolute monster of a service. There really is no better feeling.
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I do some freelancing on the site, make a bit of cash and it's a bit different to the day job.
It can itself be pretty dull or boring, but at least I can drop the client when the project's over and try to find something interesting.
Anyways, I'm logged into a client Google account to do some domain admin on a GSuite account. Logged into Incognito so that it doesn't interrupt my usual session.
Get a bit distracted and sidetracked, end up searching for porn... in Incognito... in the client's session! 💀
Quickly clear search history and hope that does it!
Tell me someone else has done this too??4 -
$cash me outside, how 'bout that?
What do people use (I'm specifically interested in UK, but all answers welcome!) for P2P payments?
I like square cash, just so that I can say that. Monzo next, and the I guess direct bank transfer but only with a handful of people I really know. You wouldn't want to give it to stranger, and its a cumbersome process.4 -
If the clock is not complicated enough, with DST and timezones.... holidays and red days is even more complicated..... (a perl sub which returns all red days for sweden. It does not return any holidays thats always saturday or sunday)
Requires Date::Calc and Date::Easter
What a mess dates and times become..,
sub GetHoliDayList() {
$yeartocheck = $_[0];
$holiday{'1-1'} = '1';
$holiday{'1-6'} = '1';
$holiday{'5-1'} = '1';
$holiday{'6-6'} = '1';
$holiday{'6-24'} = '1';
$holiday{'12-24'} = '1';
$holiday{'12-25'} = '1';
$holiday{'12-26'} = '1';
$holiday{'12-31'} = '1';
($eastermonth, $easterday) = gregorian_easter( $yeartocheck );
$hea = int($eastermonth)."-".int(int($easterday) - 2);
$heb = int($eastermonth)."-".int(int($easterday) + 1);
$holiday{$hea} = '1';
$holiday{$heb} = '1';
($year,$christskytravellermonth,$christskytravellerday) = Add_Delta_YMD($yeartocheck,$eastermonth,$easterday, 0,0,39);
$chstv = int($christskytravellermonth)."-".int($christskytravellerday);
$holiday{$chstv} = '1';
if (Day_Of_Week($yeartocheck,6,19) == 5) {
$holiday{'6-19'} = '1';
}
if (Day_Of_Week($yeartocheck,6,20) == 5) {
$holiday{'6-20'} = '1';
}
if (Day_Of_Week($yeartocheck,6,21) == 5) {
$holiday{'6-21'} = '1';
}
if (Day_Of_Week($yeartocheck,6,22) == 5) {
$holiday{'6-22'} = '1';
}
if (Day_Of_Week($yeartocheck,6,23) == 5) {
$holiday{'6-23'} = '1';
}
if (Day_Of_Week($yeartocheck,6,24) == 5) {
$holiday{'6-24'} = '1';
}
if (Day_Of_Week($yeartocheck,6,25) == 5) {
$holiday{'6-25'} = '1';
}
return %holiday;
} -
Nobody likes chatbots/conversational UI for anything other than chat, right?
I have a savings app with conversational UI. I press one of a number of options e.g. "Savings". There's this artificial delay after the network request has been made so that it looks like the app is typing back at you. Why???
You then get another limited set of options, or you can tap "Back". These options are supposedly as if you typed it back as a response.
I can get three "questions" (levels) deep, let's say to deposit cash, only for it to turn around and say that I've reached a daily/weekly limit? At each level there's this awful delay, and you already knew I wouldn't be able to perform the action regardless of my responses after my very first "message"!
Why is this good/popular? And the whole thing totally breaks if there's any loss of connectivity.
Stop it. Please. -
Fuck you sophos. Fuck you hard. I moved a server to a new datacenter and it worked like a charm. Thank you windows and hyper-v. BUT! BUUUUUUT my fucking sophos worked like shit. Blocking everything by default? Yeah fuck you. Reconfigured everything. Still blocked and why? Forward “all“ doesnt mean forward all. Had to apply rules from port tcp 1 - 65335 and udp 1-65335. Nice you piece of fuck.2
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